InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Kagura's resolution, Sesshoumaru's heart ❯ One last time, one last look ( Chapter 9 )

After a short session of cleaning, both were back sprawling relaxingly on the bed. Rin was starting to feeling rather groggy by now, after all that intensive actions, her eyes were trying hard to keep open. Sesshoumaru was anchored to his side by his elbow lazily as he caught the girl smiling drowsily at him. He could not help but wonder how the girl would always remain in such cheery mood no matter what the situation, especially when he knew she was still suffering from all the aches from the various parts of her body.

 

“Are you still sore?” he implored as he continued to observe her, reflectively stroking her inner thighs softly.

 

“Erm.. a little,” she attempted to make a silly face, still embarrassed when the topic was drawn to THAT.

 

Sesshoumaru bent to seal a kiss on her lips, one in which she acknowledged and reciprocated adoringly. After they broke free from each other, Rin lurched forward to rest and snuggled into his warm muscles.

 

“I love you….. so much,” she whispered bashfully into his chest.

 

Those tenderly spoken words were made so innocently, so sacrificially that Sesshoumaru felt a sudden sense of guilt emerging from within him.

 

As much as he wanted and desired to, he just could not return her with the same declaration, at least not so frivolously and without much thought. Yes, he had already agreed that he wanted her, and for a long time. But in the midst of all these stirred up emotions, passions and lust, there were still issues unsettled in his mind. Issues that he had preferred to cast aside at the heat of the moment when he had decided to bed her.

 

How far was he willing to go with her on this new relationship? Should he consider taking her as his sole mate, his wife? If so, can he really accept that he would only be able to bare hanyou heirs? If he's not going to make her his bride, then what does it make her then? A concubine? Or worse, …. He found that he could not utter the word.

 

The hurting word pinched his heart so painfully that he dared not even imagine how the girl would take it and how much worse it would hurt her if it came from the mouth of someone else. Right. Words do spread quickly, especially one that concerns the Great Lord of the Western lands.

 

Damn! He should have thought deeper before letting this lust blind him from all these cruel realities. The most distasteful fact of all this was that he still hated weaknesses. He was a great demon, powerful and strong. His mate should be so too, and same for his offsprings. The bloodline will not be tainted further, especially after the birth of his half-demon brother, Inuyasha. That blasted name! It reminded him hurtfully his father's obvious preference for this weaker sibling rather than a pure breed like he. He wondered if he would ever be able to love his child if he were a hanyou.

 

Even when he had convinced himself that was how things ought to be, he realized glumly that he had missed out the one most important fact. Rin was the one he chose. She was the one he loved. In fact, she was the only one he had ever loved so dearly and cherished so preciously in his entire youkai life. He found himself trapped once again.. Many powerful and beautiful demoness long to be his bride but he'll have none of them. The one he love, he could not have. Damn! Such confusion was giving him an instant throbbing migraine.

 

Rin noted her master's troubled expressions and twisted brows. She also knew clearly, even how she dazed she had become, that Sesshoumaru did not return her with a tender “I love you too” statement.

 

Her heart sank instantly to the pit of her belly. After all the long lingering kisses, the thoughtful gestures by him, the gentle caring words, the intensive and passionate love making they shared, and after she had given him her virginity, even after all these, her master was apparently STILL having doubts about them, their future together or the lack of it.

 

Sesshoumaru's youkai senses picked out the girl's inner turmoil easily. He knew exactly why she was behaving this way. The only thing he didn't know was what to say to her, being equally stuck in a tight situation himself. He cursed and wondered how he got himself into this piteous state in the first place. Then, a hideous name appeared in his mind instantly. Kagura. His blood boiled in outrage just at the mere mention of that. She was the one to blame for all this. He also realized, he sighed, that there was yet another thing he had forgotten, well what's one more when there're already so many. He had not interrogated the girl about her little encounter with the wind witch the day before.

 

“Rin,” he began, his voice somewhat choked. “What actually happened between you and Kagura? Please my dearest, tell me. Please.”

 

Rin was taken back by his pleas; she had NEVER once heard her master beg for anything before. Compliantly, she attempted to give him the best account she could remember from the moment she met the wind witch till she headed for the meadows, of course deliberately leaving her emotions out.

 

Sesshoumaru's eyes turned evilly red as the girl endeavored in her speech. Without his control or knowledge, his clawed fingers had created several deepened lashes across the silken mattresses. Rin looked in horror as her master's face twisted with hatred and malice, but didn't dare to stop even when this horrendous sight was making her throat uncomfortably dry. When she finally finished, she sank into the sheets, or what's left of them, timidly, quietly awaiting her master's next cue.

 

A long silence followed.

 

“Sesshoumaru-sama, what is to become of me, of us after this?” Rin would rather focus on issues she was gravely anxious about, even when she wasn't sure if her master even had an answer. She was obviously right.

 

Sesshoumaru found himself caught again. He knew that he had to give her an answer eventually, but…. He concluded that this could wait. There was something he was much more interested in --- Kagura and the pitiful plight that he had viciously formulated in his devious mind for her in the midst of his over blown fury. Revenge. That was what he desired more than troubling and entangling himself in questions he could find no end in. Cruel as it might be for the girl, she will have to wait till he gets back. He was doing this for HER actually, after all the wind witch had done, all the injuries she had inflicted upon the girl. Punishment was in due, over due actually, Sesshoumaru tried to justify himself.

 

“Let's talk about this when I get back. I….. I have matters to attend to, urgent matters.” Not wishing to face her directly, he turned and jumped up from the mattress, got dressed swiftly and gathered the Toukijin and the Tenseiga.

 

“I'll probably be gone for a week or so.” He returned next to the girl and supplied her with a clipped kiss on her temple and then her lips, trying desperately to ignore the obviously disappointed look written all over her face. Stealthily, he made his way to the exit, giving the girl one last glance, hardening his heart as he caught the sight of a tear from the corner of her eye. Never would he ever have thought that this was going to be literally his LAST glance at her, and that she would be lost to him forever.

 

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The story's going to take a huge turn from here… right up to the sequel … They won't be seeing each other anytime soon…

 

Please review and let me know what you think about it…

 

Thanks and cheers

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