InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Kikyo's lonely journey ❯ Prologue: Wounded heart ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: Most of the characters in this story are the actual work of Rumiko Takahashi. I do not own them in any way.

 

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Prologue: Wounded heart

 

The undead miko's eyes narrowed at the form approaching her. Shoulders hunched, ears drooping and eyes downcast, Inuyasha looked every bit like a lost puppy right now. He was walking slowly, almost as if trying to drag things out for as long as possible, which was probably exactly what he was doing. Anger flared inside her at his behavior.

 

"He promised! He promised that we would die together once Naraku was defeated," she thought.

 

Her gaze shifted ever so slightly to the crying form standing behind him. An almost perfect replica of herself, dressed in green and white clothes that she had never seen on anyone but the girl herself. "That girl," she reflected, anger turning to burning hatred in seconds.

 

"She healed his broken heart, soothed his troubled soul, made him smile and laugh again. I should have been the one to do those things, not her," she reflected, her hand unconsciously tightening around her bow.

 

Turning to look at the hanyou again, she felt herself grow cold inside, colder than she could ever remember feeling, as a painful realization swept over her. "His heart is no longer mine," she mused sadly, before turning away.

 

"Kikyo?" asked Inuyasha, confused by her behavior.

 

"It is obvious that you do not want to be with me any longer, Inuyasha," she said in a level tone of voice.

 

"That's not true! I..." he exclaimed, but he was immediately silenced by her icy gaze.

 

"Do not lie, Inuyasha, your actions betray you. You do not want to die with me, I can see it clearly," she said coldly.

 

"I release you from your word," she added after a second of silence, which prompted the other two people present in the clearing to stiffen in surprise.

 

Turning around once more, she pointed her bow at Kagome who took an involuntary step back. "Should you ever break Inuyasha's heart girl, rest assured that whether you are my reincarnation or not, I will seek you out and kill you without a second thought," hissed the undead miko.

 

"As for you, Inuyasha, it would be better for our paths to never cross again," she finished and started to walk away.

 

"Wait! Kikyo, where are you going?" called the hanyou.

 

"That is for me to decide," she answered without turning back.

 

She could feel his gaze burning her back long after she had moved out of his sight, but she kept moving forward without stopping, without thinking. Only when the sensation subsided did she allow herself a pause. "Even had we died together, your heart would have forever remained chained to that girl, forever out of my reach," she said to no one in particular.

 

Feeling a wetness roll slowly down her cheek, she raised her hand and was surprised to find a lone tear. "I cannot bleed anymore, but it appears that I can still cry," she reflected before bursting out into a humorless laugh that echoed hollowly through the trees around her.

 

******

 

For Kikyo, the next few days blurred together. There was nothing for her to do, nowhere for her to go, so she just wandered around aimlessly. The deep aching in her heart and soul, the only thing she was really aware of all this time. She was dimly conscious that her uniform was getting increasingly dirty and that she herself was in dire need of a bath, but none of it really mattered to her. Nothing mattered anymore.

 

On the third day, the sun that had been shining up until now was covered with heavy clouds and the wind started picking up. Had she still been alive, Kikyo would have probably been seeking shelter by now, but having a body made of clay did have its small perks. She never got hungry, never got cold or hot and she hardly needed to sleep at all. In fact, the only thing she did need was dead souls in order to keep herself moving. And so, when the heavens finally decided to open up, the only effect it had on the undead miko was to cause her to look up.

 

"Rain... How perfect: weather to match my mood," she reflected out loud.

 

The downpour was a heavy one and in no time, her uniform was soaked through, not that she really noticed nor cared in her state of mind. Around midday, her steps led her to a narrow and muddy road. Out of sheer boredom and because it was easier to walk an existing path in this rain, she decided to follow it. It wasn't very long before something ahead of her caught her attention. A flock of ravens was all crowded around something she couldn't see. As she got closer, they noticed her presence and immediately flew off, crying out in protest at the unexpected disturbance.

 

"This is..." she said, her eyes sparking with emotion.

 

In front of her lay the body of a dead man, or what was left of it anyway. Judging from the state it was in, it hadn't been like this for very long. Kneeling beside it, the undead miko examined it more closely and discovered huge bite marks on various areas of the body.

 

"Killed by a youkai," she realized coldly.

 

The wind then picked up a little, carrying with it the cries of numerous other ravens. Turning her head in the direction of the cries, Kikyo stood up slowly. "It seems that he was not the only one attacked," she reflected emotionlessly.

 

So she started walking again, but there was something different about the undead miko this time. While she didn't go any slower or faster than a few minutes before, her moves held a certain alertness that wasn't there before. For the first time in days, Kikyo had a destination. It didn't really matter to her what she would find at the end of this road, but at least there would be something, something to possibly allow her to forget about the ache of her soul, if only momentarily.

 

It was a picture of hell that greeted the undead miko when she finally reached her destination. She found herself looking at what was left of a small settlement of about a dozen houses. All around her, doors had been thrown off their hinges, windows were broken and blood stains were oozing down walls where the rain had not managed to clean it yet. Human bodies lay sprawled on the ground, gaping wounds clearly visible.

 

"These people were slaughtered... but why?" she asked to no one in particular.

 

Before she could delve deeper on this fact, a desperate cry pierced the silence. Kikyo's brow instantly shot up in surprise and she took off running in the direction it had come from. Rounding the corner of a nearby house, the miko was instantly confronted by three wolf youkai. They had managed to corner a young girl of about ten or so and were advancing on her menacingly. She immediately notched an arrow and let it fly. It hit the nearest target with deadly accuracy and the purification powers contained within disintegrated her opponent.

 

The two remaining youkai immediately turned toward her, losing interest in their previous prey in favor of a more immediate threat. Kikyo did not leave them time to react though and before they could so much as take a step toward her, another arrow had taken care of a second opponent. Seeing that his advantage had abruptly dwindled, the last wolf youkai wisely decided to turn tail and run.

 

The threat being gone, the undead miko lowered her bow and slowly made her way to the still trembling child. Kneeling in front of her, she allowed a warm and reassuring smile to grace her features. "It's all right now, they're gone," she spoke softly.

 

Her words had no effect however as the girl kept staring at her with wild and unseeing eyes. She even took a step back, looking ready to bolt at any time. Sighing slightly, the miko raised her hand and brought it down across the child's face sharply. The slap caused the ten-year-old's head to jerk to the side slightly, but it was far from being enough to really hurt, Kikyo had made sure of that. It had merely been meant to bring the girl out of her frozen stupor and it seemed to work because when she looked at the undead miko again, the kid's eyes were once again focused.

 

"M... miko-sama," she stuttered fearfully.

 

"It's all right now, they're gone," she repeated soothingly and a spark of relief in the child's blue orbs told her that her words had reached their destination.

 

"Are you hurt?" she asked again to the still shaky child.

 

The girl simply shook her head in response as Kikyo took her in. Her clothes were thorned in numerous places, exposing many bruises and scratches, none being really serious, fortunately. Her light, shoulder length brown hair was matted to her face and marred with mud. She had obviously tried to flee before the beasts had cornered her. She also noticed that she was beginning to shiver slightly, both from the shock she had just received and the cold of the rain. Looking left and right, Kikyo spotted a door not too far away that could be reached without going through the gruesome spectacle she had encountered earlier.

 

"Come with me," said the miko, standing up and extending her hand in the process.

 

Too late she remembered about one of her body's unfortunate attributes and she could only watch as the ten-year-old flinched a little when she closed her hand around the older woman's. "Miko-sama... your hand is cold," whispered the girl timidly.

 

Thinking fast, Kikyo came up with an excuse. "That's because of all this rain. A good fire will do us both a world of good," she answered and was relieved to see that the girl had accepted it without question.

 

When she reached the door, she cautiously peered inside and noted with satisfaction that it was devoid of any sign of violence. The last thing she needed right now was to have the child go crazy on her. Once inside and away from the rain, Kikyo promptly busied herself with starting a fire. Being used to this sort of thing, it didn't take long for the undead miko to succeed in her task and before long, the two were sitting around a popping and hissing flame.

 

"Tell me, girl, what is your name," asked the miko casually.

 

"Susune, miko-sama," answered the child quietly.

 

"That's a nice name," smiled the undead miko. "I am Kikyo," she offered back.

 

"Pleased to meet you, Kikyo-sama," replied the child with a formal bow.

 

Silence then fell inside the hut, broken occasionally by the crackling sounds of the fire. "What could have possibly caused such a brutal attack on these humans?" thought the undead miko in confusion.

 

And indeed the question was well founded because as violent as youkai tended to be, they seldom attacked without reason. The shikon jewel being complete, it could not be the cause of this, so the truth lay elsewhere. Coming to a decision, she promptly stood up and headed for the door.

 

"Kikyo-sama?" asked Susune timidly from behind her.

 

"The rain seems to be dying down, I'll see if I can't find us some food," she answered.

 

"Don't worry, I'll place a barrier around the hut. As long as you remain inside, you'll be safe," she added when she saw the girl's frightened features.

 

This seemed to calm the child's fears because she nodded, albeit a little shakily. Satisfied that Susune wouldn't be too terrified of being alone, Kikyo walked once more into the rain. She paused right outside the door for a second, summoning her powers and placing the promised barrier before heading out to explore. Technically, she hadn't really been lying to the girl, she really did intend to find her food, but right now, she was more intent on finding why this village had been attacked.

 

As she ventured toward the center of the settlement, her miko senses started to tingle. The sensation was extremely faint, but unmistakable. "Youki," she whispered, eyes narrowing in concentration. "And it's coming from inside that house," she added suspiciously.

 

Her miko senses already on full alert, it didn't take her long to notice another set of auras coming from the edge of the forest this time. These were noticeably clearer and they also moved alongside her as she made her way to the hut.

 

"It seems that the wolves are back," she reflected, her hand unconsciously tightening around her bow.

 

Strangely enough, they seemed content with merely observing her from a distance and she made it to her destination without any problem. When she got to the door though, she was surprised to find holy sutras plastered around the door frame.

 

"This is..." she trailed off as a voice from inside interrupted her.

 

"Interesting. You have the appearance of a human female, but unless my nose fools me, your body is made of clay," it said.

 

Before she could answer, the shape of a wolf youkai appeared in the light. He looked every bit like the ones she had dispatched earlier with her arrows except that his dark fur was tinged with gray here and there and that his gleaming eyes were shining with wisdom.

 

"You are... different from the youkai I encountered earlier," she stated.

 

"As well I should be, I'm their leader, after all," answered the trapped wolf.

 

"I see, so that's why your pack slaughtered the villagers," she said, realization dawning on her face.

 

"Indeed. One human trapped me in here with the intention of killing me and selling my fur," explained the youkai. "My pack immediately retaliated and in the end, the whole village was killed, all because of the greed of one man... regrettable," he finished, bowing his head in shame.

 

Kikyo merely snorted in derision before removing the sutras that held the youkai prisoner. When she got to the last however, she froze as something crossed her mind.

 

"There is one survivor," she began and instantly the wolf's eyes were intent on her. "A young girl by the name of Susune. If I set you free, I want you to leave her in peace," she said.

 

"Do not concern yourself... human. Retribution has been more than paid in full. Neither this girl nor you will be troubled by my pack, I give you my word," he reassured her.

 

Nodding, the undead miko ripped the last paper spell from the door frame, thus dissolving the barrier and setting the wolf youkai free. When he reached the border of the forest though, he turned back to her. "May your soul one day find the peace it lacks today, kind miko," he called before disappearing.

 

The undead miko merely smiled sadly at those words before heading away in the opposite direction. "Peace..." she thought longingly.

 

******

 

Kikyo stared at Susune as the child quietly ate her food without much appetite. The girl's face was a complete blank right now, which didn't surprise the miko very much. It was a natural reaction to a traumatic experience. The mind, in order to protect itself would go to automatic mode, distancing itself from everything and gradually coming back to reality. It could take hours, days or even weeks for the person to fully recover, but one thing was for sure, this kid would be in desperate need of comfort when the dam opened up.

 

"But comfort is not something I can give her," thought the miko sadly.

 

Not for the first time, Kikyo found herself cursing her fake body. From important things, like the fact that she needed to absorb dead souls to keep moving or that she would never age, to the most insignificant details like the fact that a cut would never bleed or that she would never be able to eat an apple again, there was not a single thing she did not loathe about her dead body. This time though, this time it was different. She was cursing her body for its inability to provide comfort to someone else.

 

"That's strange, why is it that I care so much about this child," she reflected, a little confused by her reaction.

 

The answer to that was rather obvious and it came to her a moment later. The whole village had been killed. Susune's family, friends and likely her only living relatives were now dead, leaving this innocent child completely alone in the world. In essence, the girl's tragedy resonated with Kikyo's own misery

 

"Two lonely souls calling out to each other... how pathetic," she reflected, a humorless smile appearing on her lips.

 

But no matter what she might have thought, she could not help how she felt. Her own soul had been crying out in pain for so long that it literally jumped at the opportunity to finally be understood. As she looked once more at the child, Kikyo felt weariness creep up on her like a snake slowly coiling around its victim. It was only then that she realized that she had not had any form of rest for at least three days. While her fake body technically never got tired, the same could not be said for her mind, however, and as such, she required about an hour of sleep every day to stay alert.

 

A small chuckle escaped her as she remembered the cause of her tiredness. "Inuyasha..." she mused as she closed her eyes and let the fog of sleep invade her mind.

 

If she had expected a peaceful slumber, Kikyo was greatly mistaken. She found her mind torturing her with fantasies of things that could never be. Herself and Inuyasha kissing, herself back in a real living body... Herself teaching Susune how to wield a bow and smiling proudly as the girl hit the target dead on, herself showing the ten-year-old how to make an ointment with a special mix of herbs, herself teaching how to apply bandages on... "NO!!!" her mind screamed, violently jarring her awake.

 

Abruptly, she was back in the hut, her whole body trembling with the force of the emotions coursing through her. When she moved to right herself from her current position, something fell at her feet. She glanced down only to notice that it was a blanket. Instantly, her eyes strayed to the child sleeping next to her and, as if fate had decided to tempt the miko, Susune suddenly let loose a small, plaintive sob that tore the shaking miko apart from the inside out.

 

"I must... get out of here!" she thought desperately as tears started blurring her vision.

 

Not caring how much noise she made, Kikyo stood up and half walked, half stumbled to the door. Once outside, it was all she could do to take the few steps that would place her against the wall of the hut before she collapsed and began to cry. Until now, she had managed to handle her dreams and the pain they had caused because deep down, she knew them for things that could never happen. But the ones about Susune... they were actually possible, which made them all the more difficult to discard.

 

"I cannot take her with me," she whispered. "Her place is not with someone like me," she finished fighting desperately to regain control of her emotions.

 

And so, she did the only thing she could. She lashed violently at her own fantasies, stabbing them, trampling them, shattering them into millions of shards until they were barely recognizable. But even as she did so, another part of her was laughing cruelly, mocking her attempts at denying the simple truth. Angrily, she turned to it and sealed it away in a place where she wouldn't be able to hear it any longer, but not before it could taunt her one last time.

 

"It would have been nice, wouldn't it?" it cackled before disappearing completely.

 

"Fantasies are meant to remain as such," she answered out loud in a completely emotionless tone.

 

Kikyo coolly wiped the tears from her now icy brown eyes, erasing all traces of her previous outburst. There was no pain now, no suffering, no longing, no desire. She was a block of ice that would not melt until she had accomplished her objective.

 

"I will find someone to take care of her," she said firmly and with that, she got to her feet and headed away to gather the necessary supply to sustain her human charge in the coming journey.

 

Had she not been so wrapped up in thought, Kikyo probably would have noticed the pair of eyes watching her intently from the door to the hut she had just left behind. Eyes full of pain and confusion at the spectacle she had just witnessed, eyes belonging to a ten-year-old that had already seen too much in her short life.