InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Kikyo's lonely journey ❯ Settling the past ( Chapter 8 )

Disclaimer: Most of the characters in this story are the actual work of Rumiko Takahashi. I do not own them in any way.

 

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Chapter 7: Settling the past

 

"Kikyo-sama, will the people we're going to meet really help us?" asked Susune.

 

"We may not have been on the best of terms when we last parted, but they will provide what assistance they can, I'm sure of it," answered the miko calmly.

 

As the day had begun to advance, some basic needs had started to emerge in Susune in the form of exhaustion and hunger. Not having anything to give to the girl due to their hasty retreat last night and not daring to spend a night in the open for fear of being taken by surprise, Kikyo had been forced to admit that there was only one possible course of action. They had to get to the nearest village and take some well deserved rest. The only problem with this was that the only village in the area was her hometown. The town where Inuyasha and his gang were currently residing.

 

As preposterous as the idea might have seemed to her at first, the more she actually thought about it, the more it made sense. They both needed a place that would allow the two of them to recover and plan their next move. In short, a place where they would both be safe. Also, as powerful as she might be, Kikyo knew that she was no match for whoever was behind all this, meaning that they desperately needed allies to win this fight.

 

It was the very definition of irony. The very place she had hoped never to see again was now the only place she could think of that would provide the safe haven she and Susune desperately needed right now. And the reason this place was so safe was because of the one person in this world she had hoped never to see again.

 

"Well, I did say I wanted to stop running," she mused, unable to keep a wry smile from appearing on her lips.

 

It was strange though, a few days before, simply thinking about Inuyasha and Kagome would have filled her with hatred and jealousy. But now... she only felt slight regret at what could have been, nothing more. The darkness that had been consuming her for more than three years now was finally gone, all thanks to a stubborn little girl named Susune.

 

Thinking about the child made Kikyo turn her head slightly to look at her. She stopped her walk when she noticed that Susune was slowly falling behind. She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at the child disapprovingly.

 

"Why didn't you tell me I was going too fast for you?" she asked.

 

"You weren't going too fast Kikyo-sama. I just got lost in thought and didn't notice I was falling behind," answered the girl firmly.

 

That was probably the most blatant lie the miko had ever heard. Everything, from the girl's dark circles under her eyes to the slight hunch of her shoulders to the almost imperceptible trembling of her limbs, cried of total exhaustion. Just like when she had tried to bury the villagers on her own, the girl was now pushing herself beyond her limits.

 

"Why are you lying, Susune? It serves no purpose," inquired the woman.

 

"I wasn't..." began the child, but she trailed off when she saw the warning gleam dancing in the miko's eyes. "I don't want to be a burden," she finally admitted.

 

"A burden?" repeated Kikyo incredulously.

 

"Yes, a burden!" exclaimed the girl in a frustrated tone. "When my village was attacked, I was too weak to to do anything! All I could do was run away in fear. I wasn't even strong enough to bury the dead. And then again last night I couldn't do anything! I was helpless! If it hadn't been for you, we'd both be dead by now. I'm tired of having to depend on others to survive, Kikyo-sama. Next time something like this happens, I want to be able to do something useful instead of hiding behind you!" she finished, almost shouting under the strength of her emotions.

 

All the anger drained from the miko's gaze as she knelt in front of the girl. For a second, she actually considered trying to comfort the girl, but she quickly realized that such a thing would be rather futile. Instead, she decided to encourage her.

 

"The strongest of people are those who admit that they are weak. Do you know why Susune?" inquired the miko seriously.

 

"N... no," stuttered the girl, a bit taken aback by the intensity of Kikyo's gaze.

 

"Because if you don't know your own weaknesses then you cannot overcome them," she answered. "Now you have just admitted that you are weak, which is a good thing because now, you can start training in order to overcome it."

 

"Really?" questioned Susune, hope shining in her eyes.

 

"Of course," replied the miko. "However, being weak and being exhausted are two very different things," she continued, her tone hardening and turning accusatory.

 

Seeing the sheepish expression that appeared on Susune's features at her last retort, Kikyo knew that her point had gotten across. "So, seeing as you are too tired to keep walking, I'll give you a choice. You can either climb willingly on my back and let me carry you or, if you don't like this alternative, I can always sling you on my shoulder and carry you like a bag of rice."

 

Susune shot Kikyo a very surprised look. Not because of the "choice" she had been given, but because of the almost imperceptible smile that had graced the miko's lips when she had named the second option. If she didn't know better, she would have been sure that the woman had tried to make a joke. Granted, it wasn't a hilarious one, but for someone like Kikyo who hardly ever smiled, just making one was an occurrence in itself.

 

"I think... I'll go with the first option," she finally answered with a sheepish grin.

 

"A wise decision," replied Kikyo and this time, there was nothing hidden about the smirk that appeared on her features.

 

******

 

"Inuyasha, please at least take a bite, it's your favorite flavor," said Kagome as she presented the hanyou with a bowl of ramen.

 

"I'm not hungry wench!" he snapped back.

 

"But you've hardly eaten anything in days," argued the schoolgirl worriedly. "I realize that you feel guilty about Kikyo's departure, but you can't go on like this forever."

 

Too late did Kagome realize her mistake. Unable to take it anymore, Inuyasha had jumped from his perch in the goshinboku and, in one wide swipe of his claws, sent the bowl of noodles flying away. He then towered over her menacingly, his golden eyes burning with mad fury.

 

"How can you possibly know how I feel Kagome?" he snarled. "She was crying when she left... HOW DO YOU THINK THIS IS MAKING ME FEEL?" he yelled.

 

"HOW COULD I? YOU DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING ANYMORE!" screamed back the schoolgirl, holding her ground.

 

"I DON'T WANT TO TELL YOU ANYTHING ANYMORE, WHAT I WANT IS TO BE LEFT ALONE!" exclaimed the hanyou.

 

Hurt flashed briefly in Kagome's eyes at this admission, and she felt the beginning of tears well up in her eyes. She quickly whirled around before Inuyasha could see them, but it was too late for that.

 

"Kagome, I..." he whispered, all traces of anger gone from his voice.

 

He placed a hesitant claw on her arm, but she shrugged it off. "Fine then, I'll leave you alone since this is what you want," she whispered and walked away stiffly.

 

The hanyou looked at her retreating form, feeling a mix of pain, frustration and anger boil within him. He couldn't believe it, in one moment of anger, he had managed to hurt Kagome's feelings. Once again, he had let his hurt over Kikyo wash over his relationship with the schoolgirl and once again it had caused devastating results. He knew he should try to move on, but the image of Kikyo, broken and in tears simply refused to leave his mind, making his heart clench painfully in his chest.

 

"DAMNIT ALL TO HELL!" he finally exploded while punching the ground as hard as he could.

 

******

 

"Stupid Inuyasha. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!," thought Kagome as she walked back to the village.

 

She was both frustrated and angry at the hanyou for his stubborn determination to ignore the truth. Kikyo had given him the opportunity to live... and he was ruining it. How stupid could he possibly get? Looking down at the ground and paying only half a mind to her surrounding, it came as no surprise then when she bumped into someone. She turned her head to the side and mumbled an apology before continuing on her way. She had taken two steps before she froze dead in her tracks. She blinked once and whirled around to confirm what her mind had been a little late in registering.

 

Before her stood a woman clad in the red and white uniform of a miko. A woman with brown eyes and black hair held back by a ribbon. A woman that looked exactly like her.

 

"K... Kikyo," she managed to utter after about a minute of stunned silence.

 

"Kagome..." answered the miko solemnly with a small bow of her head.

 

The said schoolgirl blinked in utter confusion at the gesture. Kikyo? Showing her reverence? What on earth was going on here?

 

"Wh... What are you..." she stuttered, unable to believe that the undead miko was really standing in front of her.

 

"... doing here?" finished Kikyo with a small smile. "That is a good question. But this hardly seems like a good place to discuss it, don't you think?" she asked while shooting a pointed glare at the crowd of surprised onlookers that was beginning to gather around them.

 

This retort finally snapped Kagome out of her daze. "Right," she agreed and proceeded to lead Kikyo away from the crowd and toward Kaede's hut where they would be able to talk in private.

 

"Did you see anyone suspicious?" asked Kikyo suddenly once they were out of earshot.

 

Kagome turned to the miko and opened her mouth, ready to ask what she had meant by this, but she quickly realized that the question had not been directed at her, but at a little girl of about ten that she had failed to notice before.

 

"No, Kikyo-sama," answered the child and Kikyo nodded in acknowledgment.

 

The schoolgirl raised an eyebrow in confusion, but refrained from asking anything yet. She had a feeling that she would have her answers soon enough and that she wouldn't like them. If Kikyo had worked up the nerve to come back here, then it was definitively not about a trifling matter.

 

As they walked, Kagome could not help but shoot a few sideways glances at the miko walking beside her. While she seemed outwardly as composed as when they had last met, something looked distinctly different. There was a softness to her features that hadn't been there before.

 

"My presence seems to make you uncomfortable," said Kikyo with a small, barely noticeable spark of amusement dancing in her voice.

 

Kagome almost missed a step at the unexpected taunt, but managed to catch herself in time. "Considering our last encounter, can you really blame me?" she shot back with a small frown.

 

"I suppose not," agreed Kikyo with a light chuckle. "But if it can make you feel better, I mean no harm," she added, serious once more.

 

Kagome shot a dubious look at the miko but said no more. As it was, they had just made it to Kaede's doorstep anyway.

 

"Kaede? Are you there?" called the schoolgirl.

 

"Aye, child, give me a minute," came the answer.

 

The trio waited patiently as a few shuffling sounds coming from inside betrayed the old woman's effort to get ready to receive them. Finally, they could hear footsteps nearing the door and, not a second later, Kaede emerged from her hut.

 

"So Kagome, what..." but she stopped dead in her tracks when her good eye fell on the person following the schoolgirl.

 

"Sister..." she whispered in complete astonishment.

 

"It's good to see you too Kaede," answered the woman with yet another bow of her head.

 

Kaede, having seen things a lot more puzzling in her life than the unexpected arrival of her sister, recovered quickly from her surprise. Her surprised expression was quickly replaced with one of confusion mixed with a little bit of suspicion.

 

"Come in," she said curtly while motioning for the inside of her hut.

 

"Now then, I do believe some introductions are in order," urged Kaede once everyone had comfortably settled down.

 

"Indeed," agreed Kikyo. "This is Susune, the last survivor of a village of sensors. Susune, meet my sister Kaede and Kagome."

 

"I am pleased to meet you all," answered the child with a respectful bow.

 

"Now then sister, would you mind explaining the reason for your presence here? Last I heard, you did not want to have anything to do with any of us anymore," urged the old miko.

 

"I will explain everything to you, but wouldn't it be better if we waited for the rest of you so that I wouldn't have to explain myself twice?" she asked.

 

"A sound recommendation," agreed the old woman.

 

"Makes sense," added Kagome sourly.

 

This time it was Kikyo's turn to look confused. Her proposition had been based on pure convenience and common sense, she couldn't see why the schoolgirl would react this way.

 

"Did I say something wrong?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

"Not really," reassured the old miko. "But I do believe that Kagome's reaction has something to do with Inuyasha."

 

"What about him?" questioned the miko demandingly.

 

"He didn't take your departure very well," admitted the schoolgirl.

 

"And...?" asked Kikyo, her tone suddenly low and menacing.

 

"He hardly eats anything anymore! All he does is sit in the goshinboku and sulk! He doesn't even want to talk to me anymore!" snapped Kagome, finally letting all of her anger and frustration explode.

 

There was a long silence following the schoolgirl's words, during which Kikyo's features gradually darkened until one could practically see the fire burning around her. Suddenly, without saying anything, she stood up and headed for the door.

 

"Kikyo-sama?" asked a tiny voice.

 

"Stay here Susune, I'll be right back," she answered sharply.

 

"And where are you going?" asked Kagome, sounding surprised.

 

"Where do you think I'm going?" answered the miko before disappearing through the door and stalking in the direction of the goshinboku.

 

A short distance away, a monk, a demon slayer and a kitsune watched the person head away with completely baffled looks on their faces.

 

"Sango my dear, would you do me the service of... pinching me? I believe my eyes are playing tricks on me," said Miroku.

 

"Unless I fell victim to the same illusion as you, I believe that you were not dreaming houshi-sama," countered the demon slayer.

 

"Then we all saw it," agreed Shippo. "Kikyo really did walk out of Kaede's hut."

 

******

 

Inuyasha sat on his branch in the goshinboku growling loudly to himself. He wasn't too happy about what had happened with Kagome. Ever since then, the image of her teary face kept competing with that of Kikyo's in his mind, creating a rather sickening mix. It had grown to such a point that now, he was beginning to hallucinate their respective smells.

 

He was so engrossed in his depressing thoughts that he didn't hear the whizzing sound of an arrow until it was far too late. All he could do was stare at it in horror once it had lodged itself in the tree not an inch from his face. Abruptly, he whirled around to confront his aggressor and almost fell off his perch when he actually saw who it was.

 

"K... Kikyo!" he whispered, not believing his eyes.

 

His first instinct was to run to her and wrap his arms around her to make sure she was real. However, the expression on the woman's face made him rethink his course of action. It was something that hovered between annoyance and sad amusement.

 

"You're an idiot, Inuyasha," launched the miko sadly.

 

"W... What?" he uttered in complete confusion.

 

"I gave you a chance to live and look what you're doing with it," she answered her tone taking a definite edge.

 

He opened his mouth, ready to protest, but the words died in his throat as he realized that she was essentially right. All he had done since her departure was mope around, he even went so far as to push Kagome away.

 

"I..." he said, looking down at the ground with regret-filled eyes.

 

"Tell me Inuyasha, why is it that you feel so guilty?" asked the miko.

 

"I... I caused you pain. I made you cry. I... broke your heart," he answered painfully.

 

"The way you are acting now is exactly why things between us would never have worked out," admonished the miko, causing the hanyou to look at her in confusion.

 

"What are you talking about?" he questioned with a puzzled frown.

 

"Answer me this, Inuyasha. Did it ever occur to you, through your guilt-ridden mind, that I just might be able to pull myself together? That, despite the agony I felt at letting you go, I might find the strength within me to overcome this pain?" she asked.

 

"What are you saying, of course I..." but he didn't say anymore as the truth came crashing on him like a ton of bricks. "... didn't," he finished in a dead whisper.

 

In all of those long days since his last encounter with the miko, all he had managed to conjure up was an image of Kikyo, broken down and crying. It hadn't even occurred to him that there could have been another possible image, an image more like the one she was presenting now. That of a woman who was both strong and serene, a woman who had battled her own demons and had come out on top.

 

"Face it, Inuyasha. You never had any faith in me. That's why it was so easy for Naraku to pin us against each other fifty years ago," explained the miko.

 

"So wake up! Wake up before you lose everything that you hold dear," she urged before walking away.

 

Inuyasha watched her go, not knowing what to say or do. After the lecture she had just given him, he felt every bit as stupid as she had claimed him to be. Stupid, and also sheepish that he had been unable to pull himself out of the gutter while the miko had quite obviously pulled through. As he raised his gaze from the ground, he suddenly noticed that she was about to vanish from sight. Before he even knew what he was doing, he was bounding after her in a desperate attempt to reach her before she disappeared completely once again.

 

"Kikyo, wait!" he called to the retreating woman.

 

To his relief, she stopped and turned around when she heard his voice, thus allowing him to catch up to her.

 

"What is it now, Inuyasha?" she asked levelly.

 

"Kikyo, I..." he began, but then he trailed off, suddenly unsure of how to voice his feelings.

 

The miko raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms over her chest, clearly inviting him to continue despite her remaining silent. Finally, with a deep breath, the hanyou decided to dive right in.

 

"For what it's worth Kikyo... I'm sorry things turned out this way between us. I wish... things had been different," he finally admitted.

 

The woman looked at him with an expressionless face that made Inuyasha squirm nervously. Eventually, a small smile appeared on her lips. Not the cold grins he was used to see, but a genuine one, the type of smile that lit up your features, the type of smile that came from the heart.

 

"As do I Inuyasha. As do I," she answered softly. "But it is useless to dwell on what could have been. It only fills one's heart with regret."

 

"Then let us dwell on what can be," replied the hanyou immediately, making Kikyo look at him strangely. "Even if I don't love you Kikyo, it doesn't mean that you're not important to me. That's why... That's why... I'd like to count you as one of my friends," he finished, his cheeks burning with embarrassment.

 

The miko's smile wavered slightly as surprise washed over her being, but it quickly came back, bigger and brighter than before.

 

"Then friends we shall be... Inuyasha," she agreed, voice filled with emotion.