InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Kiyou Nitsuite Amedare: Ten, Tentou, ken Touhou ❯ Juugo Bundan ( Chapter 15 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: White Luna 
"...To reach back down towards the earthly plane with my fingertips, where humanity and their mourning found no mercy. To glide my feet between heaven and earth, to dance between the two planes to find the truths of my life."
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Samurai / Romance | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 08.10.2010 | Pages: 2 | Words: 1.6K | Visits: 393 | Status: Completed
"...To reach back down towards the earthly plane with my fingertips, where humanity and their mourning found no mercy. To glide my feet between heaven and earth, to dance between the two planes to find the truths of my life."
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Samurai / Romance | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 08.10.2010 | Pages: 2 | Words: 1.6K | Visits: 393 | Status: Completed
A/n: I know it's been a long time. I missed this story..
Now, I'm sure the torrent of my emotions did not reflect the actuality of the situation. But as such deep kindness on a daily basis, and for a few years of my short life at the time, had been so obviously absent it isn't any wonder I was left in the daze I was.
And such a daze it was, akin to perhaps a passionate kiss. The kiss of Kami-sama, the breadth of his love, so casually sweeping into my life to remind me He was there. To remind me I was His child, I was not forgotten, that there was such a thing as true humanity.
Is this how one feels, finding the first bloom in the snow? ... the jagged icicles of our emotions cracking and falling, haphazardly and dangerous amongst the turmoil that gives way to new life.
I didn't mind where my feet took me. It was still early in the day, and I walked along the roads as I did everyday I went to the market. I followed the path I always travelled, the ways I was used to living. Repeating patterns that til then had kept me alive, kept me going.
I remember watching my feet move. The things that seemed so distant and furthest from me in my mind, my motions, my motives... my way of life. How easy would it be, to take that money... the purse, clutched so tightly in my left palm. The coarse cotton scratching my palm, making it itch, barely noticed.
That money, I could take, and I could leave this life. Was a man I had met only once in my life, the thing that I had filled myself with purpose for, with desire... the one thing, an untouchable dream that may never be realized...
Was it truly worth it?
I felt the doubt sinking into the pieces of my heart that were left. What was left of me, was he worthy of? Was I worthy of him? Could I truly trust a man I only had met once in my life?
I stopped walking.
Suddenly, I felt a disdain seep into the fibers of my being. Disdain for myself, for being a coward, for not taking that chance.
Disdain for those who trusted me without knowing who I was.
That somehow I knew I didn't deserve that trust.
Sango-chan.
Kaede-san.
...even Nigou-san.
They all had seen something inside me that didn't exist.
Someone who didn't exist anymore.
I felt my lips tembling.
That terrible feeling, I remember how it swelled up inside me, overtaking me.
And I remember, as I closed my eyes, all I could see was my okaa-san... and her loving smiling.
'When Kami-sama saw you born, the tears of his happiness weeped into your eyes, my little one. And still they are there now, everytime I look into them.'
"Doushite... doushite Kami-sama?"
I was whispering... to myself, to the world, to Kami-sama for some sense of reason.
I'm sure at the time I seemed strange, in the middle of the street... standing there, mumbling to myself.
But I knew Kami-sama heard my pleas.
To understand, why he had done this to me?
And all I wanted to do was run. Run from my cowardice. Run from their kindness and trust.
Run from my feelings and wanting.
From my childish dreams.
The only things I had to live for anymore.
I didn't know where I was running, only that I allowed myself to be led there by the wind. Wherever it might take me, wherever I may flow. Around the earth, the rock, the stones that stood in my way and out towards the sea.
And I found myself near that ink shop again, near the Shiro Sakura. The same place I met Inuyasha. The same place of quiet I had yearned for, a place to calm and soothe my troubled mind.
I set down the coin purse, suddenly feeling as heavy as a thousand pieces of iron in my hand. I set it down, and raised my hands toward the sky. I had stopped speaking my sorrow, my pains with my words.
Instead, I allowed my heart to sing to Kami-sama through my motions. To reach for him, in yearning, in want.
What do you want of me?
To reach back down towards the earthly plane with my fingertips, where humanity and their mourning found no mercy. To glide my feet between heaven and earth, to dance between the two planes to find the truths of my life.
The passing of my Okaa-san, the loss of the most important person in my life.
The meeting of Inuyasha, who imparted me with a gift dearest to my heart. His unprejudiced kindness.
The friendship to Sango-chan. A beloved sister I couldn't leave behind.
My Otou-san, who showed me restrained love. To care for me when he didn't have to and by his honor should have disowned Okaa-san and I as those disgraced. But to find his love for us was greater than his honor.
To realize why we were ostracized from society, by no choice of our own.
That how I came to face this world was no choice of my own, and that I fit only into my skin and no one else's.
That I was Kikyou and no longer Kagome.
That my heart was winter and my eyes were ice, and my dance was the hopes of the sunflower searching for the sun in the cold.
Kneeling down to the earth, as I remember my Otou-san doing... remembering to honor her for the gifts she had given him. That I should appreciate the water in my life for it was life itself. Though it had trapped me inside a life I wasn't sure I knew how to live, or if I should be living.
I don't know how long I crouched there, digging my fingers into the earth, as if she might impart unto me the wisdoms she had granted otou-san
The peace he seemed to have was unworldly. The knowledge he contained was heavenly. The man who was my otou-san, and who was not my otou-san. The man who taught me that what I knew of people and their ways, as well as the world. And that all he taught me was not enough of all there was.
...The only man I knew in my life to show me love, and for that love to be snuffed out too soon.
...The dream someday I might have a man's love again.
Though since I was only a half-breed, I was unworthy of it.
This is what I had been taught. This is what I knew.
But I did not what to be restricted to what others thought of me. I did not want to be restricted to another person's truths. And that Kami-sama be the only one to judge me, though at that moment, I felt his judgement unfair.
The wrongness of others and what they had done to me, bringing me far enough to want to just leave this wretched place. Would it be not so easy, now that I had money?
I stared at the coin purse. I felt myself being pulled two ways. And, slowly, as I reached for it...
I wondered, would heaven stop me... if I chose to?
"...are you all right?"
My head snapped up in shock, my eyes wide with disbelief.
...Kami-sama.
You who have blessed me with your answer.
"I saw you dancing... you caught my eye... I thought I saw you fall at the very end though, and you haven't gotten up for some time. Are you all right otome?"
His kind face smiling down upon me, straight out of my dream, reaching for me and pulling me back into the life I had wanted to leave behind.
Before me stood Inuyasha.
And my hand, which reached for him without my wanting, and my eyes, which searched for his without my commanding... locked onto him as I peered into him, pouring out my euphoria like a heavenly storm.
And I know, when he saw my blue eyes, recognition hit him as that storm passed onto him and Kami-sama touched him as well, leaving him breathless as he said my true name like a solemn prayer.
"...Kagome?"
Juugo Bundan
I walked through the street like a man trying to ascertain the meaning of life in the cobbledstones of his path. I didn't watch where I was going, for I felt there wasn't much reason to care. I felt a confusion, a whirlpool inside me. Once again, I had been carried along... only my path had divert into what I felt was white water.Now, I'm sure the torrent of my emotions did not reflect the actuality of the situation. But as such deep kindness on a daily basis, and for a few years of my short life at the time, had been so obviously absent it isn't any wonder I was left in the daze I was.
And such a daze it was, akin to perhaps a passionate kiss. The kiss of Kami-sama, the breadth of his love, so casually sweeping into my life to remind me He was there. To remind me I was His child, I was not forgotten, that there was such a thing as true humanity.
Is this how one feels, finding the first bloom in the snow? ... the jagged icicles of our emotions cracking and falling, haphazardly and dangerous amongst the turmoil that gives way to new life.
I didn't mind where my feet took me. It was still early in the day, and I walked along the roads as I did everyday I went to the market. I followed the path I always travelled, the ways I was used to living. Repeating patterns that til then had kept me alive, kept me going.
I remember watching my feet move. The things that seemed so distant and furthest from me in my mind, my motions, my motives... my way of life. How easy would it be, to take that money... the purse, clutched so tightly in my left palm. The coarse cotton scratching my palm, making it itch, barely noticed.
That money, I could take, and I could leave this life. Was a man I had met only once in my life, the thing that I had filled myself with purpose for, with desire... the one thing, an untouchable dream that may never be realized...
Was it truly worth it?
I felt the doubt sinking into the pieces of my heart that were left. What was left of me, was he worthy of? Was I worthy of him? Could I truly trust a man I only had met once in my life?
I stopped walking.
Suddenly, I felt a disdain seep into the fibers of my being. Disdain for myself, for being a coward, for not taking that chance.
Disdain for those who trusted me without knowing who I was.
That somehow I knew I didn't deserve that trust.
Sango-chan.
Kaede-san.
...even Nigou-san.
They all had seen something inside me that didn't exist.
Someone who didn't exist anymore.
I felt my lips tembling.
That terrible feeling, I remember how it swelled up inside me, overtaking me.
And I remember, as I closed my eyes, all I could see was my okaa-san... and her loving smiling.
'When Kami-sama saw you born, the tears of his happiness weeped into your eyes, my little one. And still they are there now, everytime I look into them.'
"Doushite... doushite Kami-sama?"
I was whispering... to myself, to the world, to Kami-sama for some sense of reason.
I'm sure at the time I seemed strange, in the middle of the street... standing there, mumbling to myself.
But I knew Kami-sama heard my pleas.
To understand, why he had done this to me?
And all I wanted to do was run. Run from my cowardice. Run from their kindness and trust.
Run from my feelings and wanting.
From my childish dreams.
The only things I had to live for anymore.
I didn't know where I was running, only that I allowed myself to be led there by the wind. Wherever it might take me, wherever I may flow. Around the earth, the rock, the stones that stood in my way and out towards the sea.
And I found myself near that ink shop again, near the Shiro Sakura. The same place I met Inuyasha. The same place of quiet I had yearned for, a place to calm and soothe my troubled mind.
I set down the coin purse, suddenly feeling as heavy as a thousand pieces of iron in my hand. I set it down, and raised my hands toward the sky. I had stopped speaking my sorrow, my pains with my words.
Instead, I allowed my heart to sing to Kami-sama through my motions. To reach for him, in yearning, in want.
What do you want of me?
To reach back down towards the earthly plane with my fingertips, where humanity and their mourning found no mercy. To glide my feet between heaven and earth, to dance between the two planes to find the truths of my life.
The passing of my Okaa-san, the loss of the most important person in my life.
The meeting of Inuyasha, who imparted me with a gift dearest to my heart. His unprejudiced kindness.
The friendship to Sango-chan. A beloved sister I couldn't leave behind.
My Otou-san, who showed me restrained love. To care for me when he didn't have to and by his honor should have disowned Okaa-san and I as those disgraced. But to find his love for us was greater than his honor.
To realize why we were ostracized from society, by no choice of our own.
That how I came to face this world was no choice of my own, and that I fit only into my skin and no one else's.
That I was Kikyou and no longer Kagome.
That my heart was winter and my eyes were ice, and my dance was the hopes of the sunflower searching for the sun in the cold.
Kneeling down to the earth, as I remember my Otou-san doing... remembering to honor her for the gifts she had given him. That I should appreciate the water in my life for it was life itself. Though it had trapped me inside a life I wasn't sure I knew how to live, or if I should be living.
I don't know how long I crouched there, digging my fingers into the earth, as if she might impart unto me the wisdoms she had granted otou-san
The peace he seemed to have was unworldly. The knowledge he contained was heavenly. The man who was my otou-san, and who was not my otou-san. The man who taught me that what I knew of people and their ways, as well as the world. And that all he taught me was not enough of all there was.
...The only man I knew in my life to show me love, and for that love to be snuffed out too soon.
...The dream someday I might have a man's love again.
Though since I was only a half-breed, I was unworthy of it.
This is what I had been taught. This is what I knew.
But I did not what to be restricted to what others thought of me. I did not want to be restricted to another person's truths. And that Kami-sama be the only one to judge me, though at that moment, I felt his judgement unfair.
The wrongness of others and what they had done to me, bringing me far enough to want to just leave this wretched place. Would it be not so easy, now that I had money?
I stared at the coin purse. I felt myself being pulled two ways. And, slowly, as I reached for it...
I wondered, would heaven stop me... if I chose to?
"...are you all right?"
My head snapped up in shock, my eyes wide with disbelief.
...Kami-sama.
You who have blessed me with your answer.
"I saw you dancing... you caught my eye... I thought I saw you fall at the very end though, and you haven't gotten up for some time. Are you all right otome?"
His kind face smiling down upon me, straight out of my dream, reaching for me and pulling me back into the life I had wanted to leave behind.
Before me stood Inuyasha.
And my hand, which reached for him without my wanting, and my eyes, which searched for his without my commanding... locked onto him as I peered into him, pouring out my euphoria like a heavenly storm.
And I know, when he saw my blue eyes, recognition hit him as that storm passed onto him and Kami-sama touched him as well, leaving him breathless as he said my true name like a solemn prayer.
"...Kagome?"