InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Learn To Trust ❯ Tensaiga and Tetsusaiga in the Sky ( Chapter 15 )

Learn To Trust

 

 

Chapter 15

 

Tensaiga and Tetsusaiga in the Sky

 

I couldn't go back to sleep, nor did I try. What's the point of sleep? To rest? To help the body heal? What's the point of trying to heal my body when in less than 24 hours my body will no doubt be in more pain?

 

I was currently sitting on the roof of my house, believe me it wasn't easy since I had to use a cane, and my whole body was crying for me not to move. I had to go up to the attic, out the window that was to the left of a roof that I could sit on. It took me about ten minutes just to come out, I'm not even thinking about going back in. Lucky for me it was a warm night, a small breeze which was refreshing.

 

I found the pills the doctor left me, a prescription, I didn't even try to read the name of it. My vision is currently blurry giving me a harsh migraine. I took three pills, even though I probably should have taken two. I'm not regretting it because the pain is starting to dull.

 

I don't come to the roof often, only when I needed to get away. It was the only place in the house that I provided me any comfort. It was the only place where I let my past take over.

 

I sit for hours thinking about my life, trying to remember the few times where I was actually happy. Not to many time, I can tell you that. Those were the times when I let myself think about my brother, my trader. Those were the times when I wondered why he left me.

 

Was I really that much of a bother to him as a kid that he would have said anything to keep me from following him words such as in “I'll come back for you', and I believed him hook line and sinker?

 

For a while I used to think that he would come after me when he turned twenty-one. When he would become twenty-one he would have nothing to hold him back from taking me. He would have guardianship over me, which courts would grant him after we explained how unfit our parents were. But I stopped believing in that lie; he would now be twenty-four.

 

I really don't know anymore. I don't know what my future holds and basically I don't care. I gave up trying to hold onto a future long time ago, now I just want my diploma and then death.

 

What's that saying? `Once you hit rock bottom, you can only go up'? Is that it? I really don't remember. But when ever I think of that saying I want to laugh. Who ever thought of that up must have forgotten about gravity; which will automatically bring you back down. I should know, I've lived at rock bottom most of my life, and the few times I tried to get back up, I was knocked down.

 

My father knocked me down. I think the first time was when he caused my memory loss. I don't really know it's what I was told. I never did recover those memories, and I longed stop trying. But what I do remember is now a few days after waking up from the hospital and people telling me I have amnesia; my father backhanded me so hard I fell out my chair. He never let me get back up.

 

I don't remember the reason why he hit me, now all reasons blend in.

 

`Don't look at me like that'

`Don't talk to me like that, I'm father, you're the son'

`Speak up when I talk to you'

`Did I say you can do that? I think not'

`You're grades are unacceptable'

`You got in trouble at the school again?'

`Why didn't you do you're chores?'

`Don't walk away from me.”

Who the hell do you think you're rolling you're eyes at?

`Why are you coming in so late?'

`Are you trying to make me angry?'

 

After a while he stopped giving me reasons to hit me and just hit, I too stop expecting them. I never questioned why he hit me, or how can I stop him. I was already used to it.

 

Wait! I did once ask him why he hit me and to this day I never forgot his response.

 

“Why I hit you? You wanna know why I hit you? I'll tell you why. You are nothing to me, absolutely nothing, you're not the worth the air I breath. I should have told Izayoi to get an abortion when she was pregnant with you when we had the chance. You are nothing but a mistake that should never exist. I failed because of you, I could have been rich but we had you. I could have been someone important, but you came along and ruined that for me, you're mother, hell even Sesshomaru, your brother. You are a worthless little speck of dirt and I will grind you till you are less then that. Why I hit you? You are lucky I don't kill you. Now get out of my face.”

 

I was in the third grade when I asked him. I was nine years old when he told me this. I remember every fucking single word. I sometimes hear it at night, haunting me in my dreams. I always though fathers aren't suppose to say things like that to their child. They are supposed to take care of them, love them, play with them, and not make them feel like shit. I guess I lucked out.

 

I always wonder if I get a child would I act the same way towards them as my father does towards me. Off the back I would automatically say no, but then I hear things.

 

Psychologists say that a child would use abuse their own child, if their parents abused them. It's a known fact.

 

As it is, I can't stand children, and I know I have a short temper, and bad attitude. Maybe I would be different I had different parents, but I don't. I would probably be a bad father, be just like my father. My son would probably call me a bastard all the time if not worse. I know I couldn't handle that. I'd probably end up destroying anything that resembles a family. I don't won't the same non-existent relationship with my son that my father and me have. Actually my father and I have a pure-hate fake-love relationship.

 

I want something more than that if I have a family, I want my kids to respect and love me and a loving wife. It's all something I'll never have because my name is Inuyasha Tetsusaiga Taisho. My life was doomed the second I feel down those steps.

 

I've accepted that as my life; my hell.

 

I lay down on the roof looking up at the starts that could be seen with the city lights. I found the stars relaxing and comforting, it puts me at an ease that I never fully let myself get into. It was the only time I let my defenses down, and I was okay with it.

 

I remember sitting here with my brother. I was eight, he was fifteen. I was telling him that I wanted a star for myself, so he found me a star.

 

 

****Flashback***

 

“Look There Inuyasha, see the red star?” He asked me. I looked up and tried to find it, but couldn't see it.

 

“Where Fluffy- I mean Sess,” I slipped. He ignored the nickname for now, no doubt planning on getting me back for it later. He instead pointed to where he claimed to see it.

 

“There, right there?” I still couldn't find it no matter how hard I saw. “You need glasses.”

 

“No I don't Fluffy.” I yelled at him. I yelped when he backhanded me.

 

“You stupid idiotic moron, do you remember where the moon was last night?” He questioned. I nodded positive as I rubbed my head to ease the pain. “Look there really hard.”

 

I looked up to where I remember seeing the moon from the night before. I glared and saw a flash of red. I gasped loudly in excitement as I stared up at the small red star.

 

“Wow.” I muttered.

 

“Yeah, consider it my gift to you. Now don't say I never gave you anything.” He then leaned against his side of the house, crossed his arms and closed his eyes, but I knew he wasn't going asleep.

 

I watched the red star flicker, watching how strong it was, even though it was small. It reminded me of my brother. I knew what I was going to name it then.

 

“I have a name for it.”

 

“Really now?” he said with disinterest, but it didn't matter to me.

 

“Yeah, Tensaiga,” I looked at him and smiled happily. He looked back at me in confusion.

 

“You're naming it after this Sesshomaru's middle name?” He asked me. I rolled my eyes at his statement. He has been doing it a lot, taking about himself in the third person.

 

“Yeah. I like it.”

 

“You truly are a simply minded simpleton aren't you?” he asked closing his eyes again. I smiled because I he had a faint curl in his lips. Any other person would have missed it, but me I noticed things like that about my Nee-san, my brother. I could tell he was proud.

 

****End Flashback***

 

I looked up at the sky and there was Tensaiga, still burning after all these years. It seemed further away now, but no matter I could still see it. I looked across the sky from it and there was Tetsusaiga, a star that seemed to shine light blue. My brother found it days later, said it reminded him of me. Small and insignificant, but still there, I knew coming from him, that was a compliment.

 

I smiled at the memories, wishing I was reliving them with Sess by my side watching the Tensaiga and Tetsusaiga flickering in the night, trying to figure out which one was the brightest out of the two. It was another useless and foolish wish, made by a useless and foolish boy.

 

I closed my eyes against the soft wind that was blowing, feeling my hair gently blowing with it, some across my face. I take a deep breath looked out across the light city. I stand up, leaving my cane on the roof beside me. I walked to the edge of the roof, the wind getting stronger, but not forceful. I smile, for that instant, that one moment in time, with nothing holding me back, I am free.

 

All though I know it's useless, but everyone has a right to dream, right? Even if those dreams never come true.

 

Even though my dreams and wishes may never come true, it doesn't stop me from wishing.

 

Wishing and Hoping, that I one too, will be free.

 

 

 

A/N: I know it's short, but I didn't want to go too far into his mind just yet. I still have the rest of the story to finish. I thought it was a nice change of pace; he needed to relax before he went to school. Yeah, more shit will happen to him. He needed this.

 

***Much Love ~~Story***

 

 

PS. I want reviews please; I really need someone to tell me how the story is going. So I am evil for doing this, but no more updates till I see some reviews. Maybe one for my writing fetish, but that's it.

 

DISCLAIMER: Don't own, but working with lawyers to fix that little detail. LOL