InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Learning my way... ❯ Chapter 13 ( Chapter 13 )

 

 

Chapter 13

 

Keitaro stood at the window, his forehead pressed against the cool glass. Outside, rain fell in the darkness, the soothing noise calming his scattered mind. Below the window, he could see the headlights of cars moving up and down the street and the hunched figures of people walking along the sidewalks, umbrellas up and hoods drawn forward, making them little more than rapidly moving shadows in the glares of the car's lights.

 

The ICU ward was quiet and dim, only the beeping of monitors and the hum of various machines could be heard, along with the breathing of the patients that could breathe for themselves. Behind him, Mariko lay upon her bed, her chest rising and falling almost imperceptibly. Her heartbeat had just gradually begun to slow and Keitaro knew that time was waning for her. He felt helpless.

 

Shippou's words echoed in his mind.

 

“Mark her…mark her… mark her…”

 

Keitaro turned away from the window and slumped back against it, kneading his eyes with his hands. His mind had turned the thought inside out and upside down. He knew little of youkai blood exchanges, but he was positive that the regenerative abilities of the youkai were tied to their blood. He knew the human mates of youkai and hanyou's healed faster due to the regular blood injections that they received from their mates. His mother had shown evidence of this on numerous occasions, according to Mama-baachan, but the effects had vanished as soon as Inuyasha had been killed.

 

He turned the concept over and over in his mind, searching for alternatives, yet, deep with in his heart, he knew the only two choices he had were either to bind her to him or let her die. He knew could never bear loosing her, but the thought of making the choice for her made bile rise in his throat.

 

Slowly, he crossed the small hospital room and sank down in the chair next to Mariko's bed. Gently he traced the edgings of the bandages on the arm that was nearest too him. It seemed sometimes as though she was held together by stitches, then completely wrapped in gauze and medical tape.

 

How many of these wounds will become scars Mariko? You were flawless before and now you're like this… lying as though you are dead, barely clinging to life and your body forever marred…

 

Resting his head on the guard rail of Mariko's bed, he felt his mind wander away, the slow, meditative churning of his thoughts lulling him into a light and restless sleep.

 

~~~~~~~

 

Keitaro came awake with the odd feeling that someone was watching him. He could hear one of the night nurses checking the vitals of someone beyond the curtained wall to his right. Sitting up, he nearly fell off his chair from surprise.

 

Standing across the bed from her was a girl about his age, an ethereal glow gently illuminating her white kimono. Her long dark hair fell across her shoulders in gentle waves. His first thought was that she was Christian angel or a spirit. He shifted closer to the bed and she turned to face him, as though sensing his movement.

 

Her grey eyes were as familiar as his own, yet he could not place where he had seen them before. They looked at him, their sadness twisting his heart, but in an odd way, he knew she was hurting for him. She was reflecting his pain.

 

She smelled of nothing, save a tingle in his nose that usually accompanied working with electricity in science class. None of the musks that hung around humans and youkai seemed to emanate from her. Through her, Keitaro could see the drab grey curtains that formed the boundaries of Mariko's cubicle.

 

It was then that he noticed that a particular sound had faded. One that his mind had keyed into long ago and kept him going straight. It had kept a steady beat in the back of his mind, like a metronome keeping time for a song that he thought would last forever.

 

Mariko's heart had stopped.

 

“NO!” he bellowed, shooting to his feet just as the heart rate monitor began to scream it warnings.

 

The girl looked at him, her eyes penetrating. As though she knew that they could both see Mariko's colourful aura slowly disappearing.

 

You know what you have to do… They seemed to say. She looked back at Mariko and made a gentle gesture over her forehead, then vanished just as the night nurse skidded into the cubicle.

 

Ignoring Keitaro completely, the pudgy little nurse - who's name tag identified her as Hiroko - took one glance at the monitors next to Mariko's bed, swore, and sprinted out of the cubicle. She returned less than thirty seconds later with a small, laptop sized object that she threw down on the bed.

 

Working at a feverish pace, the woman ripped open the front of Mariko's gown, quickly placed two pads on her chest and stomach and stabbed a button.

 

The little machine hummed to life and Keitaro realized that it was a defibulator.

 

“Come on!” urged the nurse agitatedly, glaring at the machine as the heart rate monitors continued to beep shrilly.

 

In a horribly automated voice, the defibulator announced that Mariko's rapidly deteriorating condition was not the result of cardiac arrest. Keitaro felt the air rush out of his lungs as though he had been run over by a Mack truck.

 

The nurse was swearing and prepping to do CPR when Keitaro's voice cut through her single-minded drive to revive the still girl.

 

“Get me a needle.”

 

The nurse looked up from her struggling, her expression telling him that she never fully absorbed the fact that he was there.

 

“W-w-what?” she stammered.

 

“Get me a syringe,” repeated Keitaro firmly, leaning over the bed and fixing the woman with a glare that did nothing to hide the gut wrenching fear that twisted his insides into knots. “I know how I can save her.”

 

Nurse Hiroko's mouth fell open.

 

“How…?”

 

“Doesn't matter,” snarled Keitaro angrily, baring his fangs as he caught sight of his watch. Nearly three minutes had passed since Mariko's heart had stopped. “Just get a fucking needle and get it NOW!”

 

The pudgy nurse yelped and stumbled from the room, returning seconds later with a packaged syringe in hand. Keitaro snatched it from her, ripped off the sterilized bag, depressed the plunger and drove the needle into his arm in one smooth motion. He had it half filled with his own dark red blood when the nurse's eyes finally registered what she was seeing.

 

“What the hell are you doing?!” She demanded, starting towards him as though she intended to pull the syringe away.

 

“Shut up and get ready to do chest compressions!” growled Keitaro, his ears flat against his skull as he pulled the needle out of his arm and began to move towards Mariko's side.

 

“You mean you're- I can't allow you to do that!” cried the nurse.

 

“I'm doing it and if I'm right, it'll save her, Now shut the fuck up and do what I tell you do to!” he bellowed as he picked a spot near the top of Mariko's right arm and plunged the needle deep into a vein.

 

“Do chest compressions,” he ordered and the nurse meekly obeyed; land marking and placing the heel of her hand on Mariko's chest, doing sharp, short, even compressions as Keitaro slowly emptied the contents of the syringe into Mariko's bloodstream.

 

The syringe was nearly empty before he felt any sort of reaction to the transfer. A pulse from Mariko's body nearly blew him off his feet and his world suddenly began to spin as his youki began to bleed away from him, fading into thin air.

 

“Shit!” he cried.

 

“What's happening?” cried the nurse, curiously unaffected by the power exchange and still doing to the compressions in a way that told him that she was afraid to stop.

 

Keitaro didn't answer as he finished depositing the last of the syringe's contents into Mariko's bloodstream. His loss of equilibrium increased as his youki continued to drain away into nothing and a wave of nausea swept over him. Barely able to stay upright, Keitaro struggled to understand why it wasn't working.

 

It took another few crucial seconds for his mind to put it all together and when he did, he let out a long string of curses as he pulled the needle out and began to search for a new spot to insert it into Mariko's arm.

 

Baka! It's a blood exchange you moron! If you don't complete the circle of transfer, your youki and her life force will just drain away into nothing! He raged at himself as he slid the needle into an artery.

 

Ignoring the nurse's cry of “Hey! She needs that blood!”; Keitaro withdrew some of Mariko's blood and thrust the needle into one of his own veins, quickly depressing the plunger, his rapidly beating heart easily handling the influx of extra blood into his bloodstream.

 

The reaction was immediate.

 

With a burst of light and a deafening pulse, his youki stopped fading away into nothing and instead was drawn towards Mariko's body. The nurse jumped away from her, swearing as Keitaro leaned close and took Mariko's hand, praying that his idea…his mark… worked. The shimmering veil of his youki spread up her arm, sinking into her chest and fading from sight. Other branches divided into sections, seeking out her other injuries and surrounding them.

 

Keitaro closed his eyes, praying to all 108 Kami's as he studied Mariko's form with his mind's eye. For a few moments, nothing happened, but then a glimmer of yellow appeared within the dark, horrible violet colour of Mariko's heart. As Keitaro watched, the yellow shimmered into a fiery orange to a brilliant red that blossomed outwards from her heart as Mariko's body leaped off the bed as her heart was suddenly shocked back into beating.

 

In an instant, Keitaro felt his own heart spasm and he was suddenly crippled by a pain that was all consuming and beyond description. For a split second, he could see Mariko teetering on the edge of jagged cliff, off balance and ready to fall. Linking them was the barest remains of a golden string that looked as though it was about to fray. Beyond the edge, he could see the darkness of Death waiting to catch Mariko in its claws and take her to the dimly glowing entrance to the afterlife in the distance. He was too far away to pull her back.

 

“MARIKO!” he screamed, tugging on the on the string as it began to fray.

 

She turned to look at him, her blue eyes widening in fear as she finally overbalanced and began to tumble into the abyss.

 

He saw her lips form his name as he lunged towards her, only to find her forced back into his reach by a pair of strong arms. As he pulled her over the edge of the cliff, he could see the hint of red and silver disappearing into the swirling miasma that hung in the air.

 

Not her time…Not her time…Not her time…Not her time…

 

Voices whispered around them as they both collapsed back into Reality.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Keitaro flicked back into consciousness almost immediately after hitting the ground in that other world. The alarm had stopped and now the monitor beeped softly with every reassuring thump of Mariko's heart. She lay still, still lost in the world between life and death, but Keitaro knew she was coming back to him, however slowly, she was coming back.

 

Thank god…Oh thank god…

 

He had slumped away from her when he blacked out, but he still held her hand firmly in his grasp. Leaning forward, he drew her coverlet up over her exposed chest and bandages and kissed her lightly on the forehead.

 

It was then that he noticed that the nurse was gazing at him in slack-jawed astonishment.

 

“You… her… she…dead…how?” stammered the woman.

 

“It's better if you don't understand it,” replied Keitaro, his gaze solemn. “You can't tell anyone about what you saw.”

 

The nurse nodded vigorously and began checking Mariko's vitals, as though trying to reassure herself that Mariko was actually alive.

 

“Could you leave?” asked Keitaro quietly when she finished. The nurse vanished, her footsteps telling him that she was walking towards the main desk. He watched Mariko's chest rise and fall with each breath she took. His thoughts began to darken as the nibbling uncertainties of doubt began to gnaw at his mind.

 

What have I done?

 

Letting go of Mariko's hand, Keitaro pulled his chair over and collapsed into it, burying his face in his hands as the full weight of his actions fell heavily onto his shoulders. He had made his choice.

 

He knew he could live with what he had done, but at the same time his mind screamed at him.

 

You marked her without her consent!

 

It was to save her… To save her… I could break the link… I could break it… repeated one part of his mind endlessly, before his common sense kicked in. Oh who the hell am I trying to kid… I can't break the fucking link unless I kill myself.

 

He flinched as his mind instantly brought forth the memories of reading about the Seppuku, the ritual suicide practiced by the samurai when their honour had been stripped from them. The thought of turning his sword on himself repulsed him.

 

I'm no better than that fucking leopard and twice as cowardly! He seethed, torn between his somewhat neglected sense of honour and his horror at the thought of something as hideous as killing himself.

 

He could barely bring himself too look at Mariko now as the shame turned his insides to lead and weighed down his very soul.

 

What have I done…?

 

The unthinkable…

 

It was to save her…

 

I didn't save her before.

 

I couldn't… I failed her…

 

I lost control.

 

I couldn't let her die…

 

I bound her too me forever.

 

I couldn't let her die…

 

I'm no better than that fucking leopard. I've forced myself on her in way that is almost as despicable as what he did.

 

I had to save her…

 

I wanted to have her by my side.

 

I couldn't let her die! It was all my fault! My fault that she was hurt… My fault that she is suffering.

 

How could I do this to her?

 

I couldn't let her die… I would never be able to live myself.

 

Better to let her die than live a life where her choices have been made for her.

 

I can't live without her…

 

I'm a selfish bastard.

 

I'm a worthless baka…

 

I couldn't let her die…

 

Why did you do it Keitaro?

 

Keitaro jerked out his trance. A soft voice had spoken, hardly a voice at all. He wasn't even sure if he had heard it. It was so faint and childlike. Familiar and unfamiliar at the same time.

 

Why? The voice asked once more. It was soft, a whisper that he could barely hear. He wasn't even sure if it was actually audible to his ears and not just his mind. He recognized it. It had been the voice that had questioned his decisions all his life. That appeared and disappeared at random, all the while forced him to re-examine his choices, and his reckless and fool-hardy impulses. It was why he was so level headed - most of the time.

 

Why Keitaro? Why did you do it?

 

Keitaro was silent, his inner mind struggling with the answer. To really understand what he had done.

 

I did it because I couldn't stand the thought of her not being by my side. I want to protect her. I want to prove that I will not fail her again…

 

Keitaro raised his head from his hands and turned his eyes to Mariko's still form. She looked peaceful in the dim light of the ICU's night lighting. He rose to his feet and stepped closer to her bed. He gently touched her cheek and smiled slightly when he felt it's warm softness under his sword roughened hands. He traced a thin, rippling line that was to become a scar on her left cheek.

 

I'm sorry Mariko…

 

He let his gaze wander down her still form. Her injuries were still present, but they no longer had the faint, tainted smell of the leopard youkai's poison. She had a chance at healing, in both her body and her soul.

 

You will protect her… You will always protect her. The child-voice was still there, in the back of his mind. It had been talking, but Keitaro had not heard its quiet voice again till now.

 

“I'll protect you Mariko…” he whispered.

 

It's not enough. You aren't strong enough on your own Keitaro…

 

Keitaro frowned as he thought about that voice. He had never really given it any serious though before, for it had always been there; questioning him, cajoling him, talking the sense back into him, comforting him.

 

He had always accepted it as part of himself, but now, he was quite sure that two voices in one's head, both using different pronouns, was a sign of mental illness.

 

Am I crazy? He wondered. The voice that he wasn't sure actually existed said nothing and he wondered if it did exist, did it have a sick sense of humor. His brow furrowed as he thought about it some more, before a something suddenly occurred to him.

 

It always says my name. It doesn't say I, or me… Like I do.,, It says `You' and `Keitaro'… I AM crazy… Fuck…

 

No... whispered the child-voice in a sensible, common-sense type tone of voice that usually made him stop and think, You're not.

 

“Fat chance of me believing that…” hissed Keitaro out loud, crossing his eyes as though he hoped that would help him see whoever the other person in his head was.

 

He glanced at Mariko laying on her hospital bed and wondered for a moment of what she would think about him discovering another voice in his head.

 

She'd probably start laughing at me…

 

He waited for the child voice to say something in reply, but it had disappeared again.

 

Massaging his temples, he wondered vaguely if his father had any problems with odd voices in his head. For some reason, he doubted it.

 

Suddenly, a wave of fatigue washed over Keitaro, and he felt his eyes grow heavy. Oddly, an irresistible impulse to be nearer to Mariko accompanied the feeling of exhaustion that was nearly overwhelming him.

 

After a minute's second thought, Keitaro eased himself over the bed's guardrail and settled himself awkwardly on his side next to Mariko's still form.

 

Resting his head on his arm, he sleepily studied her face for a moment, before sleep claimed him.

 

 

~~~~~~

 

A/N: Hey everyone! My wrists still aren't better and my beta's STILL havn't edited this (Despite the fact that I sent it to both of them two weeks ago), but I'm sick of waiting, so I'm putting it up anyways. I'll replace it with the edited version once they finally remember or they're less busy.

 

Thanks to my reviewers on the last chapter.

 

Moongirl

Raye Sun

Inu devil

Lyra Sakura

BakaBokken

Inulover

Midnight spirits

Black_girl_06

Jade_pendant

Amargo Scribe

Angelica incarnate

Snowecat29