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| "Learning my way..." Reviews/Comments [ 41 ] | | Pages (3): [ 1 2 3 › » ] | Reviewed By: fatal_katana [MediaMiner Member] On: March 19, 2009 17:09 CDT
Comment/Review:
please update pleeassee
| Title: FFRG review Ch14
Reviewed By: White_Winged_Atlantian [MediaMiner Member] On: November 23, 2005 19:17 CST
Comment/Review:
Thank you for submitting to the FFRG, and I must say since the prologue I've read your style and writing in general has definitely improved. You seem to be dialogue based instead of narrative based and it's a good change from so many stories that I see that 'don't' do narrative descriptively enough. Good work on that. A broken arm takes a bit more time to heal than six weeks, as well as deep, gashes. A centimetre deep cut on me takes a month to heal leaving a white scar, and on another friend that needed surgery for a horse riding injury (A stick lodged in her back) her recovery took nearly six months. As far as mobility if I had a lame leg, I would have use of a leg brace and a crutch rather than a cane. The only thing I have to correct would be the use of 'baka', it doesn't come up in the anime and in general the use of Japanese in an English fic takes away from whatever a character is saying. I have very, very little to complain about with this chapter. Excellent work.
| Title: FFRG review prologue
Reviewed By: White_Winged_Atlantian [MediaMiner Member] On: November 23, 2005 18:56 CST
Comment/Review:
Good afternoon and thank you for submitting to the FFRG. The first thing I suggest to you, and a lot of writers I see, is to acquire a good beta reader to catch things like unnecessary capitalization. The use of the word 'mate' is a common 'fannon' in Inuyasha, and in general terms, humans use the word 'lover'. Though I would think that Souta wouldn't call his mother 'mama' at the age of sixteen, and 'mama' would have a name. I *really* liked the prologue chapterââ'¬Â¦ and upon reading back on what you asked, I realize that you wanted chapter 14 done. I'll do this one anyway. BUT. You could have put more description into the feelings and emotions of this chapter. Because there are a lot of them.
| Reviewed By: Learning my way.... On: September 09, 2005 16:47 CDT
Comment/Review:
Very unique! I had once thought of writing a fanfiction myself concerning Inuyasha's son in search for some truth but I'm glad I didn't because your story would have put mine to shame. >< Love it and I think K and M ((dont wanna misspell..)) make an adorable couple! ^^
| Title: learning my way
Reviewed By: fatal_katana [MediaMiner Member] On: August 23, 2005 20:21 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
I really like this fic and i really hope you have a chance to update since its been 4 months, but its ok, i understand writers block trust me.
| Title: learning my way
Reviewed By: fatal_katana [MediaMiner Member] On: August 19, 2005 02:40 CDT
Comment/Review:
Oh man, please update you left us all hanging now for months, i really love this fanfic, i really want to kno what happens please update soon i love this fic
| Title: FFARG Review for Ch 13
Reviewed By: MissMusicality [MediaMiner Member] On: June 16, 2005 11:32 CDT
Comment/Review:
Wow, thanks for submitting this to FFARG! I haven't had time to read the entire story yet, so I'm not totally positive of what's going on, but I can deduce a lot from this chapter. You said your betas haven't looked over this one yet, so any punctuation or grammar errors I see, I'm going to leave to them. (There weren't many at all, so it's no big deal. They'll take care of it.) As far as this chapter's improvements, there is only one suggestion I can make. It's minor, but I think it will help the effect. During the part where he is not exactly in reality, and envisions her on a cliff...this part is sort of pushed right up against the rest of the story. If you could find some way to section it off, like you did at the end of the sequence where he came back to Reality, I think it would make it much more effective and dream-like. Again, that's pretty minor, but still a change that might make the story flow better. Other than that, excellent job, and best of luck with your writing!
| Reviewed By: black girl 06 [MediaMiner Member] On: May 23, 2005 20:37 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I just read the first chapter and I enjoyed it. It really captures part of the sadness that Inuyasha went through. Only this time the suffering and rejection is passed down to his son. I'm glad that Mariko slapped that bastard. He had it coming. I'll read the rest soon. Later Days!
| Title: Learning my way
Reviewed By: jade_pendant [MediaMiner Member] On: May 06, 2005 23:34 CDT
Comment/Review:
OOHi really love thisstor please update soon, i have been waiting patiently. During this story I hope you have Keitaro meet Sesshomaru, cuz i have many scenes like that going through my head. Please Update soon, don't leave me hanging.
| Reviewed By: Amargo Scribe On: May 03, 2005 06:52 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
The last couple've chapters certainly took a dark turn, but I love the overall setup! Keep writing this baby!
| Title: ffarg review
Reviewed By: angelica incarnate [MediaMiner Member] On: April 22, 2005 20:06 CDT
Comment/Review:
Hello there! What an interesting concept you've come up with here. Your characterization is solid, the choices you've made with the plot are interesting and keep a reader 'turning pages' if you will, and you've managed to keep the canon characters pretty close to how I imagine they would turn out with fifteen or so years to grow. Now, your transitions are slightly choppy and you do a lot of listing. The choppiness seems to have improved and smoothed out over time (I read all 12 posted chapters), so I'd say you've caught onto that pretty well. With the listing, you're still doing quite a bit of that... try to imagine yourself painting a picture with words, not giving the readers a checklist of traits to file away in their minds as that tends to get slightly overwhelming. Overall, a very readable, enjoyable story and I will be checking back for updates. Thanks for sharing and happy writing.
| Reviewed By: Snowecat29 On: April 17, 2005 12:20 CDT
Comment/Review:
Wow, it's been a while since this was updated. It's so good to see that it has. Poor Mariko, hope she recovers. Looking forward to the next update.
| Reviewed By: wolf lover On: April 16, 2005 16:20 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
this is so good please continue i cant wait to find out what happens
| Title: FFARG review
Reviewed By: Sari-15 [MediaMiner Member] On: March 31, 2005 22:51 CST
Comment/Review:
I'm not one to go after grammar, that isn't my specialty, unless something is obvious. On that note, there is a basic thing that all writers have to master. "The Art of Show Not Tell" Quote Keitaro wasn't even sure if he was technically a hanyou, being the son of one, but it didn't really matter. He was still faster, stronger and more powerful than any human. His hair was black, unlike Inuyasha's, but Keitaro was still his father's son and had inherited almost all of Inuyasha's youkai traits. He had inherited his mother's kindness and her generosity. This is just an example in the first chapter of your description of Keitaro. That entire paragraph was 'telling' about your character and his background. 'Showing' is something that all authors work on to get better with.Show us the youkai skills he's got from his father, have him dig his claws into his hands outta frustration, leap from rooftop to rooftop home (which you did do later)glare with his golden eyes, brush his black hair from his face. Other than that your writing is good.Keep writing!
| Title: F.F.A.R.G.
Reviewed By: roku kyu [MediaMiner Member] On: March 20, 2005 03:16 CST
Comment/Review:
I was very impressed with this story. Your writing improves with every chapter, your characterizations are vivid and gripping, and your action sequences are particularly effective--detailed enough to take the reader into the scene but not so detailed that it slows the action down. I particularly appreciate your description in this passage: --...as the roaring of his youkai blood took over, a soundless rush in his mind as his instincts rose to the forefront and his conscience was pushed aside. -- Nicely done! However, you did ask for us to "tear it apart," soooo... ^ ^ I can only nitpick, but nitpick I shall! In the first two chapters, you have a tendency to switch POV several times in a single scene in an attempt to tell what all of the characters are thinking. This feels jarring and jumpy to the reader. However, I hadn't noticed this problem in your later chapters, so perhaps you have already corrected it. The other problem is, well, difficult in that it plays a major role in the plot. But the human-female-in-heat-irresistible-to-male-demons is not only a bit cliched in fanfics, but also illogical. I mean, considering the greater physical strength of youkai, one would expect constant attacks on all villages in search of ovulating women, thus producing a massive overpopulation of hanyous. However, few people are as logic-crazy as I am, so don't worry. Your talent for weaving a fun and entertaining tale is considerable. Keep having fun, and keep writing!
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