InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Learning to Trust ❯ Living ( Chapter 4 )

I'd like to address some of my reviewers comments. First of all, the problem of mislabelling the rape scene in the first chapter has been fixed.

 

Secondly, I want to explain my reasoning behind the development of Kagome and Inuyasha. Kagome is probably a very lonely person, and even though she suffered abuse at the hands of Inuyasha, when his family offers her a place to stay where she won't be alone, I think she would prefer that to wandering in the world, where there's a good chance someone else will pull an Inuyasha on her. I also think she really wants to find love, and acceptance, and want thats from her mate, who is Inuyasha. Maybe I should have explained what I was defining mate as better, even though there were hints of it in the second chapter. She feels bound to him by their mark, and wants to stay with him. I don't think that would qualify as her being deranged, she just wants something that pretty much all of us want: love and acceptance. Seeking this from the person she is bound to for life as a partner I don't find particularly odd.

I also think that Inuyasha, even though he was a cruel, horrible bastard to Kagome, has the capacity to love her, and to feel guilty for what he has done. In the second chapter you can also read his thought process about Kagome, and how he already has mixed feelings for her, when originally all he had was hate. It's a sign that he is moving in a more caring direction, and a week to think about everything probably helped him along too. He was already pretty gentle when he and Kagome met that same day, when he tells her about his confinement. If you read the manga, or watch the anime, you generally think that he is a fairly decent person, and maybe if things had been different he wouldn't be so rough around the edges. I'm just taking the roughness to an extreme. So, when we have Inuyasha gentling up, and Kagome becoming more trusting of him, it is possible that they could grow to love each other.

And about the father leaving them in a room alone...I think if they were cuddling then Toga could probably leave them alone for a day or so without worrying that Inuyasha was going to about-face and kill her. Also, Inuyasha was apologizing for hitting her, which is a huge step in his gentling towards her. I think if he had just apologized for causing her pain, we can assume he's not going to do her any more harm. I don't think he'd lie about that either, seeing as he hasn't been deceitful all fic, and I just can't see him stooping that low. Another big factor is that she is carrying his child, and I really doubt that Inuyasha would kill his own child, no matter how messed up he is.

 

I also wanted this fiction to have a feeling of hope to it. If Kagome had been rescued by Sesshomaru or by Kouga, and Inuyasha killed, there would have been a sense of melancholy, and I know I'd miss Inuyasha. I didn't want to write him off as a hopeless character only fit to be killed. It would make much more of an impact if he were to grow to care and love her, and she grow to trust him. I think it would be a lot sweeter then, than if there was bloodshed and a rescue by another man. I also don't think that Sesshomaru or Kouga paired with Kagome in general makes sense. They just don't seem to fit together well at all.

 

I don't really care if you agree with me or not, but please consider leaving a possibly positive review, not just telling me off. If you don't like it or don't understand how I came to what I did, then just stop reading. Nobody is forcing you to keep reading.

 

On that note, I would like to thank all the people who left me good reviews! They definitely helped me keep going.-Akihana

 

“What are they doing?” Izayoi mused, tilting her head to look up at the ceiling. Toga rolled his eyes and continued with what he was doing.

 

“I'm checking on them.” Toga's eyes widened and he jumped to his feet to pursue his mate before she burst in on the couple. He began to run, but it was too late.

 

Izayoi had left the door open and was staring into the room in shock, but also something like pride. Toga ran forward and looked over Izayoi's shoulder, and broke out into a full grin.

 

The two inside hadn't noticed the door opening, as both were panting, faced off against each other in the center of the room, in battle stances. Neither was badly bruised, and it looked more like they were training than anything else. The best part of it all was the state of dress, or undress, they were in.

 

“Always train in the buff?” Toga called loudly.

 

Inuyasha looked up and grinned proudly. “My mate's gotta be able to defend herself. Even though I still dominate during our alone time.”

 

Kagome gasped in shock. “You dominate?” she asked coolly. “Well, I could leave you alone in here, so you don't get anything.” She whispered and hurried the last part, clearly not used to making threats.

 

Inuyasha responded beautifully to the not so threatening threat, and cowered.

 

“My lovely mate would leave me high and dry?”

 

Kagome just nodded.

 

Izayoi had long since pulled her partner out of sight and winked at the couple. “Don't forget to wear something when you come out.” Kagome turned bright red, cheeped, and dove to hide under the futon covers. Izayoi just smiled and closed the door.

 

“They should move. No way should the koneko be stuck in such a plain room.” Toga nodded agreement and removed the locking spell.

 

Inuyasha meanwhile was kneeling next to the lump in the covers trying to coax his mate out.

 

“They're gone.”

 

Nothing.

 

“You can come out. No one will see you. Well, except me, obviously.”

 

Still nothing.

 

“Afraid you'll get your butt kicked in training?”

 

The girl was amazing. Not a cheep. Either she was really level headed, or asleep.

 

“I'll tickle you.” He called in a singsong voice. He waited a few seconds, then lifted the covers and started tickling. She squirmed and whimpered, then giggled. Inuyasha stopped when he heard the amazing sound.

 

“You giggled!” he told the quivering lump. She cheeped when he pulled her out from under the blankets. He fell onto his back and let her sit straddling his waist.

 

“You're dominant, ne, Kagome-chan? Or do you want to take that back and let me have my way with you?”

 

Kagome bit her lip, and said: “Anything I want to do?”

 

Inuyasha nodded. “Anything koibito.”

 

Kagome smiled, and lay down on his chest. She shifted a few times, then relaxed and gave a pleased sigh.

 

Inuyasha raised his eyebrows and waited for something. He lay waiting until he realized she was drifting off.

 

“You want to sleep?” he asked incredulously. “We could mate, or train, or mate, or read together, or mate, or do anything, but you want to sleep?”

 

“I've never lain down with you like this before.” She said softly. “I like this.”

 

Inuyasha sighed. “Can I at least finger you while you're sleeping?” He was rewarded with a tired giggle.

 

Kagome was purring softly, and he smiled gently and tucked them both into the futon.

 

“You owe me when we wake up.” He grumbled. She just sighed and snuggled him.

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

“Gome-chan! Come on, we're gonna be late for dinner.” Kagome sighed and attempted for the third time to tie the obi properly. Izayoi had just shown her a new, fancier tie than the one she had been accustomed to, and it was taking practice to get right.

 

“Kagome?” she turned and gave a half-hearted smile to her mate, then returned to her clothing issues.

 

“You could just tie it the usual way, then we won't be late.”

 

“It's easier for you to get off too.” Kagome added shyly, a delicate blush pinking her cheeks.

 

Inuyasha chuckled. “There is that. Sometimes clothing is just a barrier, koi.”

 

In the several weeks since Inuyasha's release from confinement, she had slowly grown bolder and more comfortable around him. At first she had to be wooed and persuaded to sleep with him, but the few times she had gone to her own room she had always ended up in his by morning. After about two weeks she had fully moved into his room, and after that spent every night with him.

 

Inuyasha was sure that his parents, brother, and sister-in-law were somehow involved in convincing Kagome to move, and definitely involved in moving her things to his room one day when they were out, giving Kagome no choice but to move in. Not that either of them really minded.

 

Inuyasha broke from his musing when Kagome finally finished fiddling with her clothes and walked over to him, signaling in her way that she was ready to go.

 

Inuyasha smiled at her and lead the way.

 

Normally I hate it when bitches refuse to shut up, but I think they all got revenge by giving me a mate who rarely speaks.

 

It was true that Kagome didn't really speak. The only time she really ever did was to ask something important. If she deemed it trivial, then she kept quiet, and it was difficult to get her to completely open up in a conversation. Then again, she had also mastered the ability to communicate with body language. The more he knew her the more he understood what each subtle movement signified. She pursed her lips when she was worried. If she knelt without tipping to one side then she thought she had done something wrong or that someone was mad at her. If she ever directly approached him, on the rare occasion, to be held, then either the pup was extra active, or she was tired, or she was simply upset about something that didn't relate to him. If it did relate to him she would avoid him and refuse to meet his eyes, until he got her to tell him, or he guessed, what was bothering her.

 

The girl was kind too, he noticed. A trait rare among bitches. He once caught her feeding a stray dog that wandered into the castle courtyard, and saw her nursing a kitten that had wandered onto her path. It had been badly hurt, by some predator, and Kagome had patiently cared for it until it was better.

 

Inuyasha grimaced. His first angry attack at her since mating her had been about the kitten. He, an inu youkai, had not been pleased to find a little furball in his mate's lap in his room. Kagome had withered under his verbal attack and fled, the kitten tucked safely into her arms.

 

He had let her go, to let her calm down and to let his temper cool. When she hadn't come back that night, he went out to look for her. After scouring the castle grounds, he panicked and began searching the woods around the castle. When he finally found her, she had been curled up in a tree, the kitten in her lap. When he first approached she ran, but the effect of the cold ate into her muscles, stiff from inactivity, and he caught her easily.

 

What had broken his heart most was how she immediately begged him, with a flow of very articulate words, to spare the kitten, how she'd do anything if he'd only let “her” live. It had taken several days to completely calm his mate, and the kitten, indeed female, survived under Kagome's care.

 

Kagome had also been tearful, but silent, when the kitten had fully healed, and she went alone to the woods to release it. She returned to the castle but the kitten followed her and entered their room. Kagome frantically ran and picked it up, taking it outside again, apparently afraid of Inuyasha's ire. However many times she took it outside, the kitten kept coming back to her, until Inuyasha finally told her to let the kitten stay.

 

The little thing was cute; with snow-white fur and bright sapphire eyes that shone out of her little face. She had taken an odd liking to Inuyasha, which he tolerated, partially to not upset Kagome, and partially because it was kind of cute. Not that he ever told anyone. He had a feeling Kagome knew that he appreciated Yuki, as the kitten came to be called, but everyone else didn't really understand why the great inu youkai Inuyasha tolerated a mere kitten.

 

“Good, you made it. We were wondering if you were coming down.” Izayoi greeted them brightly. She looked around Kagome's back and frowned, but Inuyasha shook his head and lead Kagome to their seats. He kissed her cheek, comforting her against Izayoi's disapproval.

 

A sharp giggle broke the silence, and Inuyasha grumbled and glared in the direction of Sesshomaru, Rin, and Sugimi.

 

“I never knew you were so sweet.” Rin said, giggling. Sugimi looked up at his mother curiously.

 

Inuyasha rolled his eyes, knowing that he shouldn't growl at Rin.

 

“How is the kitten, Inuyasha?” Sesshomaru said, a grin peeking onto his stoic face.

 

Inuyasha grumbled. “Little hairball.”

 

Almost immediately he stiffened and turned to his mate. “Not that it's not cute.” Kagome giggled.

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

A soft, depressed sigh echoed around the empty hall. Kagome was hunched over a vase, with various kinds of flowers arranged around her. Rin had long since finished her design and had retired to be with her mate. Kagome had yet to create anything even passable.

 

Izayoi continued to write on the desk across from Kagome. She gave no indication that she'd heard the sigh. After dinner, the males had been shooed from the hall, while the women started their work. Izayoi had first made Kagome retie the obi over and over until she got it right. Then came the flower arranging, Rin had been raised as a first daughter of a fairly well off merchant, so she was very good at the art. Kagome had never even seen a flower arrangement before.

 

She was tired, cold, and felt very lonely in the darkened, almost empty hall.

 

“Here.” Izayoi had finally come to rescue her. She lifted one flower and laid it against the base Kagome had already laid. It made the piece look much better, and Kagome felt even more the fool. Izayoi sighed.

 

“Go to bed, we can continue in the morning.”

 

Kagome silently rose, bowed deeply, and trudged silently out of the room.

 

Inuyasha wasn't in the room when she arrived. She spread the futon in silence, and arranged blankets and pillows for several minutes. Yuki jumped onto her lap and purred. Kagome smiled and stroked the cat's head. She purred louder and mewled.

 

“Hey.”

 

Kagome looked up and inclined her head to acknowledge Inuyasha's arrival.

 

He sat down next to her, a frown etched onto his face. Inuyasha's eyes widened in slight surprise when she reached for him, but relaxed and took her into his arms.

 

“Inuyasha?”

 

Inuyasha looked down at her, her eyes were staring off into space.

 

“Are you- proud of me?”

 

Inuyasha raised his eyebrows and drew away slightly so he could look at her.

 

“Koneko, why ask something stupid like that?”

 

He didn't miss her flinch and the flash of pain in her eyes. He sighed heavily and stroked her hair back from her face.

 

“Koishii, you're my mate. I wouldn't have done that if I wasn't proud of you.”

 

“Then why can't I do anything right?” she murmured.

 

Inuyasha grinned. “Well, there is one thing you can do right. Want to do it now?”

 

The second he saw the look in Kagome's eyes he knew he'd made a mistake.

 

“That's the only reason?” her voice was soft and hoarse. “I was good, and you…pitied me?!”

 

Inuyasha was trying to think of some way to explain himself without getting her madder. Unfortunately, Kagome took the silence for a yes, and silently rose. “I don't need your pity.” She said.

 

Inuyasha snarled. “Damn it, bitch. You should be happy that I pity you otherwise I'd have you still slaving for me. You're just one lucky hanyou, there aren't many.”

 

Kagome gasped and her eyes filled with tears. “I'm sleeping alone.” She whispered, and shuffled out without glancing back.

 

Inuyasha groaned and lay back on the futon.

 

Well, I fucked up.

 

Inuyasha groaned and placed a hand over the mark. It was burning, and somehow he could tell that Kagome was crying. An inner voice was telling him that Kagome was very depressed.

 

It was a long night. Inuyasha tossed and turned, his mind occupied with the pain he could feel from Kagome, and guilt at what he had said to her. He fell into fitful sleep, and woke sometime after dawn. He shuffled down to breakfast, dreading an encounter with his mate.

 

She wasn't there. Izayoi and Toga sat together, and gave him curious looks when he sat.

 

“Kagome is practicing her flower arranging, if you were wondering.” Izayoi said finally.

 

Inuyasha snorted and turned away. “She didn't want breakfast, said she wasn't hungry.” Toga added.

 

Inuyasha gave a deep sigh. He started collecting food and putting it onto a plate. They were supposed to have a training session in the later morning, but both he and Kagome appeared to have realized a confrontation was not a good idea. Still, he couldn't let her skip meals in her condition.

 

He ignored his parents and went in search of his mate. When he found her in one of the back rooms overlooking the gardens, he stopped and stayed out of sight, to watch her.

 

Kagome sat in front of a vase, which was partially full of flowers. He watched her sigh and pull the bunch of flowers out and put them down on the side. She looked out at something, and he followed her line of vision to the altar where a beautiful arrangement was laid out.

 

He sniffed softly and bit his lip when he smelled the salt of her tears. She wasn't sobbing like she had the night before, but she was definitely crying. She finally lifted her face and started again. Tears still spilled down her cheeks, but she determinedly placed flowers around the inside of the vase.

 

From what little Inuyasha knew about flower arranging he knew she was not very good at it. She finally grabbed the flowers by the stem, crushing many of the delicate ones, and flung them across the room.

 

Before she broke anything else, Inuyasha stepped into the room and set the plate down at her side. He knew that she had noticed him come in, but she chose not to acknowledge him.

 

He leaned over so that he could see her face, but she turned even further away. He leaned around her, putting himself in a very unstable position, but she still hid from him. Something about that irked him. His mate shouldn't ever have to or want to hide from him.

 

He reached up and took her cheek in one palm. She shuddered and then pushed him down onto his back, to his great surprise. She pulled apart his hakama and slid them down, exposing him. He growled and moved to cover himself, but was stopped when Kagome bent down and took his manhood into her mouth. He moaned and shuddered, then reached out to push her away.

 

“Why stop me?” she murmured. “That was my job, wasn't it? The one thing I can do. Be your dirty little sex slave.”

 

Inuyasha was too busy retying his pants to comment. When he finally looked up, he was shocked to see Kagome kneeling at his feet.

 

“What would the master like his dirty little sex slave to do? Fetch water, cook, suck your cock? Of course, those jobs are for hanyou. Filthy half-breeds who only deserve pain and loneliness.” Kagome was full out crying now, but her eyes shone. Fighting spirit had taken her. She grabbed the plate of food and threw it at him. Food scattered everywhere and the plate fell to the wood floor with a clang.

 

“I changed my mind, oh mighty inu youkai. I want to die. So fuck me up the ass and torture me and kill me, I don't want anymore of this life. Let me out of it.” She was screaming at him, and he finally snapped out of the daze he was in. He growled fiercely and shot forward, capturing her arms with one arm and covering her mouth with his free hand.

 

“Koishii, you're not having a good day. Let me help you feel better, okay?” Kagome struggled as he hauled her up the stairs to their room. Inuyasha managed to push the door open with his back and dragged her inside.

 

“Okay, down you go koi.” He said finally, depositing her on their futon. She snarled and leapt at him. He dodged and she leapt after him again. The next thing she knew she was bound by Inuyasha's arms to his chest and unable to scratch him.

 

“Koibito, it's not nice to attack people. Just calm down.”

 

“I- don't- want- to- calm- down.” She yelled. She gasped sharply and relaxed when he clamped his mouth over his mark on her shoulder. He rocked her gently, nuzzling her neck with his nose and murmuring to her.

 

“Koneko,” he said, “I know you're upset, and the pup's probably making you cranky, and there's a lot of change going on right now. I'm gonna stay right here until you feel better. Okay, koishii?”

 

Kagome grumbled and sighed. “Will you hold me?” Inuyasha smiled and pulled her to him. He leaned back and brought her under the futon covers, cuddling with her. He let her cry into his shoulder, stroking her hair.