InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Lessons of the Father ❯ Lesson 1: compassion ( Chapter 5 )

Disclaimer: Inuyasha and co. are the property of Rumiko Takahashi, I just enjoy manipulating them.

 

Note: This chapter is kind of short and I had thought to make it longer, but it felt right to end it there yanno?

 

Chapter 5: Lesson One: Compassion

 

Sesshoumaru wasted no time in returning to the hunters hut. Upon his arrival he was immediately aware of a few things. One, the hunter and his sons had returned. Two, the pup inside the hut was crying and whimpering at an alarming volume. And last but not least, the miko was not there.

 

It only took a moment for him to find her in the surrounding forest. She was crouched beneath a tree, curled into her self, looking very small and extremely fragile. She was shivering as wretched sobs wracked her small frame. She looked nothing short of pathetic. What could have possibly happened in the three days that he was gone for her to be reduced to … this?

 

It took longer than it should have for Kagome to realize that he was there. With her powers bound she had a hard time sensing youki, not that she was ever really apt at it to begin with.

 

She was so ashamed to have been found by him like this. Had it been anyone else she would have told them to go away and resumed her pity party, or invited them to join. But, there was something about Sesshoumaru that made her feel so stupid all of a sudden. She didn't want him to see her as weak as she felt at the moment. His opinion of her mattered in some strange way, not the way her mother's or Inuyasha's opinion mattered. It was more like the way the Emperor of Japans opinion mattered. If he was going to take notice of her she wanted him to be impressed. Certainly there was nothing impressive about her right now.

 

Kagome did her best to try and right herself. With a few pained hiccups she managed to hold back her tears and the wet lump in her throat that always seems to form when you're crying. She was still inhaling erratically and it seemed like the more she tried to steady herself the more quick gasps of air she was forced to take in. She wiped her tears away with the sleeve of the borrowed kimono she was wearing and, finally satisfied that she couldn't look that bad, she turned to look up and Sesshoumaru, determined to take his judgment with what little pride she had left.

 

She looked pathetic, ridiculously pathetic. Her big brown eyes were red and swollen, still filled with unshed tears. Her bottom lip would occasionally quiver, not unlike Rin's when she would skin her knee or fall out of a tree. Maybe that was what made him feel sorry for her, her resemblance to Rin.

 

Snapping himself out of his inner musings, he addressed her, “Your pup is distressed. Why are you here and not tending to him?”

 

That must have been the wrong thing for him to say, because as soon as he was done talking she burst into tears again.

 

“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm a horrible mother! Gods! I can't… I don't know… he just kept… and I … I'm so sorry!” Nothing the girl was saying was making any sense to him. In an attempt to clear her mind he grabbed her shoulders roughly and shook her a little, then he raised one long finger to her nose and flicked her, hard.

 

“Calm yourself. You are not making any sense.” His voice was stern and offered no room for disobedience.

 

Kagome just stared at him slack jawed for a moment. He flicked her. She realized that normally when one is attempting to pull another out of a frantic state they will slap them, but he flicked her instead. Could he have been trying to make sure that he didn't hurt her? What ever it was, it had the desired effect as she stopped crying almost immediately and just stared at him with a look of confused wonder.

 

“Now, I will ask you again, why it is that you are not with your pup?” he hoped that wording the question a little differently would bring about different results.

 

“He has been crying.” Sesshoumaru gave her a chilling look that clearly meant `duh'. “He won't stop. Day and night he just cries. I try feeding him and changing him, but he just keeps crying. I don't know what I am doing wrong! Kami, I'm so tired. I've never been this tired before.” In her head she knew that it was probably just colic, but she didn't know what herbs were good for that, or how to make it better. This wasn't the 21st century where she could give him some drug, or take him to the doctor. That thought turned to more scary thoughts which made her start crying again.

 

“What if he is sick? What if there is something wrong with him? What if he caught some disease? What if he needs surgery?” Kagome cried.

 

“Stop.” Sesshoumaru demanded. “This will get you nowhere. See to your pup.” That said, Sesshoumaru turned and walked back to the hut with Kagome following close behind.

 

Inside the hut Rin was doing her best to try and calm the newborn, rocking him and singing him a smooth melodic song of her own making. It was all in vain as he continued to wail.

 

“Sesshoumaru-sama! She chirped excitedly upon seeing her lord. “I'm sorry Kagome, I tired my best, but he just won't stop. Maybe you could try feeding him again?” She turned to Kagome who entered the hut right after her lord.

 

“It's ok Rin. Thank you for your help; I just needed a little break.” Kagome reached for Touga, but before she could take him he was delivered into Sesshoumaru's arms.

 

Sesshoumaru growled the same low growl that seemed to have calmed the pup the last time he held him. Slowly his crying began to ebb; occasionally he would let out a canine whine as he attempted to calm himself. Soon enough that ended too and he curled his tiny claw tipped hands around a few stray locks of Sesshoumaru's silver hair and nuzzled into his chest.

 

Kagome watched, a little jealous, as her pup took to his uncle. Maybe it was a dog thing. She had tried everything to calm him down, but when he was worked up like that it was nothing short of impossible.

 

When the hut was quiet for what seemed like the first time in days, she suddenly realized how utterly exhausted she really was. Her whole being was begging for sleep. She was still cramping rather painfully from having given birth, and since her milk came in the day before, her breasts were killing her. She leaned against the wall and gave in to her body's demands for a moment, slumping down she closed her eyes for a moment. Just for a moment, she told herself.

 

Sesshoumaru took notice of her posture and the dark circles under her eyes, all sighs of her fatigue. “Go lie down; I will wake you when he needs to feed.”

 

Normally, Kagome might have argued, but in the state she was in she just didn't have the energy to. It didn't bother her one bit at that moment that she was leaving her three day old son in the hands of the same youkai who had tried to kill her and his father on more than one occasion. All she could think about was sleep, she would have been happy to have slept right there against the wall, but Rin was already walking her to the room she had been staying in. As soon as she hit the futon she was out cold.

 

Sesshoumaru, once again having been reduced from fierce warlord to babysitter, stared at the pup in his arms. Was this the compassion that his father had tried to hard to teach him from beyond the grave? Was this want to see the pup grow healthy and strong the result of that compassion?

 

He spent his life causing death, even his name was the embodiment of death. He surrounded himself with it, immersed himself in it. The first time his father instructed him to kill he enjoyed it, so much so that it worried his father. His first kill was a boar; he still remembered the shrill cry it gave when he sunk his claws into its soft throat, the feel of the warm blood washing over his claws, the sheer elation he felt when the beast's soul left its body. Killing gave him a kind of gratification in life that nothing else could. So many, human, youkai, and beast had met their end by his hands, so many that he could no longer count.

 

But, to create life was foreign to him. He had given Rin life, in a way, but it was sullied from the start. She died a violent death and from the moment she was revived she was surrounded by more violence and death. She thrived under his watch, but it had little to do with his care. Sesshoumaru had no doubt that as she grew she would have problems emotionally; she already had horrible nightmares that would leave her screaming and sweating in her sleep.

 

This little beast though, this pup, he was new, he was a clean slate. His life was created out of love. As much as it disgusted Sesshoumaru, he had to admit that his brother and the miko did love one another. He thought that she was mentally ill for being involved with someone as unrefined and generally stupid as Inuyasha, and Inuyasha was equally as stupid for not learning from his past mistakes when it came to this woman (or her soul at least). Regardless, they were in love, her loyalty and his brother's drive to protect her were more than poof that they were, and together they created a life; something that he would never do.

 

Sesshoumaru had been holding the pup for less than an hour when Touga began whimpering and sniffing in search of food. Alone in the hut, as everyone else had gone outside to help clean and skin the kills that the hunter and his sons brought home, Sesshoumaru decided it was time to wake the priestess to feed her son.

 

On silent feet he entered the room to find Kagome fast asleep. If it hadn't been for the slight rise and fall of her chest, Sesshoumaru would have thought her dead. She looked almost dead, pale and sickly, and despite her son, who was now crying, she didn't even stir. Sesshoumaru nudged her arm with is boot, nothing, not a grunt or an eyelash flutter. He kicked her again, this time less gently, and again he received no movement from her.

 

The pup's cries were bothering Sesshoumarus sensitive ears, as well as the priestess's lack of response. Did she always sleep this deeply? He wondered, if so it was a miracle she had not been picked off in the forest by a predator yet.

 

Cursing this `compassion' that he had somehow gained, Sesshoumaru positioned the pup in one arm and used the other life the girl's back up so that he could position himself behind her. Once she was settled between his thighs he propped her back up against his chest, her head lolled to the side, but other than that the motions seemed to have no effect on her. With deft hands he reached around her, holding the pup to her chest, and pushed aside her kimono so that he could feed.

 

Sesshoumaru watched the pup greedily suckle, showing no restraint as he drank down all the milk she could provide. A tendril of the white substance escaped the corner of his mouth and Sesshoumaru wiped it away with his thumb. Repositioning the pup to the other breast when he seemed to no longer be happy with the one he was suckling, Sesshoumaru gained a whole new appreciation for the female body. Her breasts were beautiful, though not in an erotic sense; they were beautiful in their functionality. Much like a sword with a sharp edge was more beautiful than one that was dull and rusted. The Gods certainly left no stone unturned when they created the female body.

 

The first thing that Kagome became aware of was the lack of pain in her chest that had been present before she fell asleep. The second was the gentle rhythmic suckling of her son as he nursed. Still half asleep and with eyes closed; she reached up to rub his cheek. Instead of soft baby cheek Kagome was met long hard fingers tipped with deadly sharp claws. Her eyes shot open, landing on the hand resting under hers holding her son's head to her breast. If the claws weren't indicative enough, then the maroon stripes were a dead give away as to who the `helping hands' belonged to. Her hand pulled away and she recoiled as if she had been burned. Craning her neck, Kagome looked behind her expecting to be met with his deadly stare, but he wasn't looking at her, his eyes were focused solely on Touga … and her boobs.

 

“Hey!” Kagome shouted, rather indignantly, “I can take it from here, the show is over mister!”

 

Sesshoumaru had been so lost in his own mind and also feeling the bite of fatigue from having traveled non-stop for three days, abruptly snapped to attention at the girls shouting. He let go of the pup and stood from behind her in one fluid motion. Kagome, concerned with taking hold of the pup, didn't realize that he had been supporting her weight until she was flat on her back looking up at him.

 

“You sleep like the dead and YOUR pup was hungry, I was forced to take it upon myself to see him fed. Currently, your breasts are about as attractive as the udders on a heifer.” Sesshoumaru barked out, rather insulted that after lowering himself as he did to help her that she would reciprocate by insinuating that he was taking some sort of pleasure from watching Touga feed.

 

“Gee, thanks.” Kagome muttered. If it wasn't bad enough that she felt like a cow with all the extra weight and lactating, he had to go and point it out like that.

 

It wasn't until after Kagome had finished feeding Touga and replaced his soiled cloth diaper that she started to feel bad about the way she had spoken to Sesshoumaru. After their little exchange he walk out of the room and didn't even spare a glance back at her, she could tell he was really mad, and maybe even insulted.

 

He really had done a lot for her since this whole thing started. He saved them both in the forest, twice already he babysat while she slept, and he even stopped Touga from crying when no one else could. And she thanked him by yelling at him for looking at her boobs; she felt like a total jerk.

 

She found Sesshoumaru outside of the hut watching over Rin as she played with the youngest of the hunter's sons, a boy only a few years older than the little girl. It was a funny site, really, everytime Rin would giggle at something the teenage boy did Sesshoumaru's eyes would narrow dangerously. Rin, being a pre-teen girl, giggled and laughed at everything the boy did, Kagome thought it was cute that they were flirting. It looked like Rin might have a little crush.

 

Kagome came to stand next to Sesshoumaru and watched the two young folk for a minute. When the silence became uncomfortable, it was Kagome who broke it.

 

“I just wanted to say I'm sorry for the way I acted earlier. I didn't mean to insult you. I was just a little shocked and still half asleep.” Kagome laughed nervously as he seemingly ignored her attempt at an apology.

 

“I just… Thank you Sesshoumaru. Thank you for everything. Why are you helping us?” The last part she hadn't meant to say out loud and as soon and the words left her mouth she regretted it. It wasn't right for her to question his intentions. He was helping her for the time being and that was all that mattered.

 

He turned to her then, but it wasn't her he was looking it, it was Touga. The way he was looking at her was un-nerving, but not in a bad way. She didn't fear for her son around him anymore. Kagome understood, on some level, what Sesshoumaru was seeing when he looked at her son; a second chance. His father was dead and his relationship with his brother was beyond salvageable, but Touga, he was a new start.

 

The moment ended as abruptly as it had began, “We will leave as soon as you are fit to travel. I will escort you to your friends.” He said curtly, then turned heel and stalked away into the forest.