InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Life's Menagerie ❯ The Thief of Your Heart ( Chapter 3 )

Life's Menagerie

A/N ~ Well howdee doo, everyone. ^_^ I now have a beta, the infamous LilacRose23. Thanks as well to her. Unfortunately, she tells me grammar is not her strong point, so you will still have to suffer through the agony of misspellings. Oh, and on the rush beta-ing job, Naimh is once again my savior. This story is going to get far worse before it gets better. I can't be certain, but I believe the most depressing chapters are going to be the next few. I recommend tissues and tragic/wistful music.

Paige's Disclaimer ~ Your face! Yeah, that's right! Wanna fight? I'll cutcha! ::Holds up her fist and makes strange motions::

Chapter Three- The Thief of Your Heart

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Optima dies… prima fugit ~ Virgil

The best days are the first to flee

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Silence had spread across the village. It lay heavy in the rice fields, and blanketed the forest. Even the animals were unusually quiet, going about the business of living with hurried intensity. A tension in the silence wound itself ever tighter. For days now, the emotions in the village had built, suspended. They watched and waited for word from their healer.

Should someone exit the hut, they were anxiously interrogated by worried villagers. All except two. The half-demon they did not dare approach. His countenance was dark, and he came and left in hurried motions, as though every second spent away from Kagome's side was too precious to part with.

The other was the priestess Kikyou. They knew not what to make of her; was she a fiend returned from the dead, or truly the Kikyou of memory, kind and caring? Villagers made wide paths around the composed woman. Stories were whispered quietly of her attacks on the Lady Kagome and the numerous attempts to take Inuyasha to hell. After a time of listening to the whispered observations, Kikyou withdrew even farther, her demeanor becoming icier. No one dared to approach except for her sister Kaede, and even that contact was sparse, as the elderly miko's attention was consumed in caring for Kagome.

The wait dragged on and on, and each day the news became grimmer and grimmer. Infinitesimally, minuscule inch by minuscule inch, Kagome slipped further away. The hanyou came out of the hut less frequently as time wore on, and Kikyou drifted away more often. There seemed to be a rift between the two, one that gradually widened the worse Kagome became. The very air surrounding the hut was somber and filled with a pervading sadness; underneath it was an underlying feeling of bitterness.

It happened in the early hours of the morning, in those half-lit moments before the sun truly rises.

Her death had been announced by a chorus of anguished cries. They had risen in a blood-chilling disharmony, heralding the loss of one of the pack. All had heard those throbbing calls; children had covered their ears and cried for their mothers, men bowed their heads respectfully, and the forest creatures seemed to hush.

Everyone went about their daily routine, but it was with little true effort, as though all their energy and interest had been sucked away. Animals were left unattended, and tasks were left in various stages of completion. Now they watched a mournful figure move away with a slight bundle in his arms.

Inuyasha strode slowly towards the Bone-Eaters Well, walking past rice paddies and the suddenly still figures of the men and women working them. He walked to return the fallen miko to her family centuries in the future. He was dry eyed and stared fixedly in front, never acknowledging the gathering crowd. As he passed, the various peoples bowed in respect. It was a fitting tribute to the one who had protected their village time and again, and a recognition of the grief in the one who loved her most.

He passed through their solid lines slowly, and they fell away like autumn leaves behind him, silent and mournful. As he moved out of the village, the other members of the traveling band stepped out of the hut that contained her body in her final days. They watched him make his way into the woods and disappear into the greenery. Miroku stood tall and solid, a seeming rock in the uncertainty of life. Sango watched from his side. She held the inconsolable Shippou in the crook of her elbow and placed another arm around her younger brother's shoulders. Her dark eyes held pain and self loathing. She had regained everything, while Inuyasha had only lost…

Turning, she returned to the hut, no longer able to bear the suffering of others.

Sango noted upon entering that Kikyou had folded herself elegantly into a corner and sat meditating. However, it seemed it was an unsuccessful attempt to clear her mind. Her eyes flicked rapidly beneath her closed lids, and her breathing was unsteady. Sango glanced in her direction, then shuffled towards the back of the hut, searching for something, anything to distract herself.

Finding a pile of half-mended clothing, she settled herself stiffly on the ground. She took a needle and carefully attempted to thread it. The task was made hard by her blurred vision, the tears were threatening to fall again. Wiping them away impatiently, she berated herself. Kagome wasn't the type of person to sit around crying while there were things to be done, and she certainly wouldn't have wanted others to do that simply because she was gone. Finally, she threaded the needle, and began to make neat, even stitches in the fabric.

A strange noise came from the side of the hut, and Sango glanced up sharply, tensing. Nothing threatening met her gaze; only the calm face of the priestess. Dismissing it as an hallucination stemming from her grief, she returned to her work. It was a full minute before what she had seen registered in her mind. Slowly, she tilted her head towards Kikyou. She had to be sure of what she had witnessed. When Sango caught a glimpse of Kikyou's face again, she turned to stare openly at the meditating priestess.

Were those… tear tracks?

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Kaede had prepared a spell for Kagome to put off the eventual reality of death. She remained as one barely alive, only the faintest feel of warmth to her body. It would be too much for the young to see the reality of her passing. Time was not kind to the dead, and the wound of their loss was still too raw to watch her fall prey to its indifferent clutches.

Inuyasha memorized Kagome's pale features as he walked through the forest. Stroking a shaking finger along the smooth curve of her cheek, he attempted to slow his rapid breathing. The faintest blush of color remained, held there due to the Kaede's spell. She seemed as though she were merely sleeping. He shuddered, his heart clenching painfully. This sleep was for an eternity.

He tucked Kagome's limp form further into the folds of his huge fire rat kimono. Wrapped in the bright folds of the red material, her face took an even more ghostly cast. The vitality which had made up her true character was absent, leaving her empty and cold. The calm, expressionless face resembled another's, one just as dear to him. Kikyou…

Unable to gaze at the hollow beauty of her face any longer, he turned his gaze in the direction of the well. Running, he would have reached it in seconds flat. From long practice, he could easily drop into the well, pass through the portal in time and emerge into the strange world of ages to come in seconds flat. But then, he faced the monumental task of informing her family. Even harder, he would be forced to leave Kagome far in the future, never to see her again. Never…

Her last words were a mantra in his mind. Over and over they slid through his thoughts. He couldn't escape from them, or the sound of her last, struggling breaths. She had said she loved him. Then she had asked him not to make a wish. But what was the wish she had not wanted him to grant?

He had not forgotten the sound of Kikyou's voice calling out from Kagome, begging him not to say her name. He had already brought a woman he loved back to a life she did not want. What if Kagome had been asking him not to grant her life again?

'Damn her!'

Kagome's thick lashes lay still on her porcelain face as hot tears splashed down onto her cool skin. Inuyasha's shoulders shook with suppressed agony, a wordless cry of pain striving for freedom in his chest. All that emerged was a low growling whine, accompanied by the occasional harsh intake of air. His ears flattened to his skull, and his face was edged with dark lines of grief.

He was going against everything inside of himself. His heart screamed for him to stop right there and use the jewel he kept by his heart to restore Kagome's life. Inuyasha's mind coldly told him to go to Sesshomaru for the sword, regardless of what it would do to Kikyou. But his soul, his soul was the worst of all. Inuyasha's soul was silent, and empty. All the joy and happiness so recently returned to his life had been sucked away by the loss of Kagome, and nothing could fill the aching void of her absence.

A distant throbbing pain brought him back to himself. Looking down, he saw he had smashed his legs into the side of the Bone-Eaters Well. He had been so lost in his inner turmoil that he had arrived at his destination without noticing. Now he stared into the darkness contained by those solid oaken walls. Inuyasha was gazing at the most terrifying precipice of his life. It was a small drop, nothing to his strong and tempered muscles, yet he hesitated, looking down.

His gaze drifted back to the girl held close in his arms. So much of him would remain with her. Inuyasha was giving her his mind, his soul, and all of his love. No, he would not make the wish. He would not harm her. Never again. Kagome had honored him by bestowing him with her love, and he would not sully that. To make the same mistake twice would be to do a grave wrong to her and the memory she left behind. The women he loved had suffered horribly because of him. Inuyasha would honor all his promises and grant their requests.

Gently shifting Kagome to one arm, he roughly dried his face. To go to her family weeping was the way of a coward. He would not dishonor Kagome by crying like some young and inexperienced child. Gathering her close again, Inuyasha stepped onto the lip of the well. Pausing, he inclined his head, and gazed at her face. Gently as the butterfly that had caressed her hair that long summer day past, he brushed his lips against hers. A farewell.

Inuyasha stepped into the darkness that awaited him with dry eyes and an empty heart.

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Dark lashes opened to reveal a slate grey gaze that calmly assessed the world. Kikyou surveyed the room, noting the absence of the two younger boys and the monk. Her sister, she remembered, had excused herself to tend to the mourning villagers. The only one that remained in the small hut was the demon exterminator; she sat mending a yutaka that had a small tear in a hem. Her eyes were red from weeping, but she now sat composed.

Sango glanced up as Kikyou straightened and loosened her muscles. As Kikyou moved about gathering her bow and arrows, she felt the young woman's gaze follow her. Stepping to the door, she lifted the tatami mat covering the entrance. Pausing, she coolly glanced back to meet the woman's gaze.

What greeted her was not what she expected. Sango met her eyes, not breaking the contact in embarrassment as many would have. For a moment, her slightly swollen russet eyes studied Kikyou, judging and measuring. Kikyou straightened regally under the inspection. She would not be found lacking, certainly not by a mere demon exterminator.

Finishing her perusal, Sango then gave the startled priestess the most gentle, understanding smile she had ever received. It was a gesture of sympathy and strangely, pity. It was one that confused the reserved miko. With that, Sango returned to her sewing, seemingly unaffected but for the soft smile now lingering on her face. Flustered, the normally impassive priestess hurried to leave the strange atmosphere of her sister's hut.

That look… Why? Was she such a pathetic creature that she deserved the pity of a young woman who had lost her village, her family, and almost her life?

Moving through the quiet village, she avoided the stares of the villagers. They were neither hostile nor welcoming; many of the villagers had come to love Kagome just as they once had adored her. Upon reaching the tranquility of the woods, she gave a soft sigh of relief.

It was not like her to become so easily emotional; it could only stem from the death of the girl. Everything and everyone around her had been affected. Inuyasha had not spoken more than a dozen words since their arrival at the village. He had been consumed with worry over Kagome, not even sparing Kikyou a glance. Even her sister seemed to have aged a dozen years since Kagome's passing. What the miko needed was to clear her mind. Her earlier meditation was unproductive, as the emotions flowing in the air of the village were varied and strong, intruding on the solitude and order of her mind.

Walking swiftly, she searched out her place of reflection from old: the Goshinboku. But as she neared it, she sensed the presence of others. Eyes narrowing, Kikyou cautiously approached the God Tree, testing the auras surrounding it as she readied an arrow. She had been hunted by demons for so long it was natural to take precautions, even in the safest of places. Once she could see the creatures within the clearing, Kikyou deemed there was little that could be considered threatening about them. The missing boys from earlier were seated near the monk, listening intently.

Miroku was recalling some of Kagome's more humorous adventures from the quest for the jewel. It was a perfect distraction for the young ones, keeping them from brooding overmuch their grief. Kikyou was about to slip away in search of another place of meditation when her ears caught a story that riveted her to the spot.

"Inuyasha never admitted his love for Kagome, though. Stubborn as he was, he would not take the happiness offered him by Kagome, and instead clung to his honor. Such a fool; he wasted the chance of a lifetime." Miroku's eyes went briefly dreamy as he pondered just what Inuyasha had been missing when he rejected the lovely Kagome.

At Shippou's high-pitched laugh and Kohaku's more tentative chuckle, he snapped back to himself. Shaking off the pleasant reverie, he grinned roguishly.

"Ah yes, a fool to ignore the beautiful maiden before him. But alas, as heroes always do, he insisted that he honor his promise to the resurrected priestess." Here his indigo eyes visibly darkened, but he covered it with a brilliant smile. "The fair Kagome persisted however, much to his secret delight. I know one thing," Miroku said, leaning in and placing a finger to his nose conspiratorially. "I know that he loves her, and always will. Kikyou may have his soul, but not his heart. That shall forever remain in the tender care of the Lady Kagome."

Kikyou felt her eyes burn with the remembered sting of tears. Furious, she strode away, barely managing to remain unnoticed by the chattering trio. How dare that impertinent monk make judgments such as that. He knew nothing of what Inuyasha felt, nothing! And why, in the name of all the gods, did she even care what he said? He was comforting small boys, not addressing a woman hidden in the trees.

The souls within her stirred restlessly in their slumber, roused by her strange upsurge of emotions. They had remained silent since their capture, content in the calm sea of her emptiness. With the many strong emotions swirling about though, vague recollections of past joys and failures rose within them. They clamored for control, wanting to return to their journey, beckoned by the promise of passion and life. Kikyou soothed them, lulling them back into their quiet slumber, reminding them of the pain of living, promising as always that soon, soon they would rest forever. Struggling to control the delicate balance within herself that allowed her to continue to exist, Kikyou brooded.

It was not the death of the girl that had caused her loss of restraint. No, this disturbance roiled up from deep within. Indeed it was something much closer to her heart.

It was the realization that Inuyasha no longer loved her.

So simple, so searing that she had tried to dismiss it as merely her awareness of others. Kikyou cringed, shaking her head wildly. Never… Never! He had promised himself to her! Her shaking increased until her entire body quivered.

Suddenly, she broke into a run, ignoring the branches and twigs lashing at her perfect skin and tearing into her clothing. The forest blurred about her, its noises fading into oblivion. Kikyou ran, blinded by her anger and a growing feeling of cold desperation. The souls roused again, but this time she smothered them with her surge of rage.

A small part of her mind told her she was being irrational, and possibly placing herself in danger, but it didn't matter. Kikyou was running from the truth, and there was no escape.

Running for what seemed like ages, she burst into a clearing filled with tall wild grasses. Weaving a convoluted path through them, she stumbled and finally collapsed at the side of a placid lake. She dragged air into her lungs. Her pain doubled in intensity as she realized that in this make-shift body, she could not cry. She did not even need to breathe. The earth and bones that formed her substance were only a shaped human form. She was nothing more than a facsimile of life.

Kneeling at the edge of the still water, she dropped forward onto her hands to gaze at her shimmering reflection. The crystalline depths reflected the face of a woman not of this world, one who was trying to keep something that was no longer hers.

Kikyou cried out and smashed the image away with her hand. Water cascaded outwards, drenching her. The ripples from her explosion spread and touched the sides of the lake, reflecting back in ever widening circles. She fell into the long grasses surrounding the lake side. Dry, heaving gasps dragged in and out of her gaping mouth. The intensity of her pain begged for release, but she had none. Every outlet that a human being had to express their grief was denied her.

Curling in on herself, Kikyou struggled to justify the need for her existence in this world.

"I died for him! I died for him! It wasn't fair. Who deserves justice and love more than I?"

'As did she… Besides, her death stemmed from her protection of him. Yours came from your desire for vengeance.'

"We didn't know! Naraku tricked us. Why should he love her more? Why should she matter more?! I'm stronger, faster, more powerful… I'm greater than she is or ever was!"

'Are you? Then why is it they grieve so much for the loss of her, and pay you no heed? The villagers who once idolized you are now wary and uncertain. Your own sister believes you to be nothing more than a shell of life, an abomination.'

"He loves me, and that's all that's ever mattered! He loved me first!"

'But did you love him? Did you declare it on your dying breath?'

The insidious voice of her conscience destroyed her every defense, leaving her weak and vulnerable to the truth. Yes, Kikyou-sama, the miko of incredible power, grace, and beauty, had once held the heart of the infamous hanyou, Inuyasha. Once upon a time, they had vowed to live together. But their chance was stolen by an envious demon, Naraku. Fifty years after their battle, Inuyasha awakened to an innocent. The girl with large, grey-blue eyes and a loving heart so full that it spilled over, bathing all who came close with a radiance the sun would envy returned his life to him. She had traveled with him, healed his broken spirit, and in the process, discovered his love.

Inuyasha did not forsake the woman he first cherished, but from that day forward, he would strive to protect the thief of his heart.

She had had her chance. The Kikyou Inuyasha had first loved should never have returned to this world. Fate had granted them that time together, and had then brought them together again. Kikyou's soul had returned to Inuyasha in the form of Kagome. Her revival by the witch was false, a lie. She shouldn't have ever existed, not like this.

"WHY!?" Kikyou's scream of anguish begged the heavens to answer.

Kikyou lay broken, a remnant of a past that no longer was. Kikyou called her denial, screamed it, cried it, murmured it, but none heard or cared. She shared her agony with an indifferent world. How long she lay near that glassy lake, cocooned in the soft grasses, she did not know. It seemed an eternity that she remained there, facing the reality of her artificial existence.

As the day grew to a close, Kikyou quieted. Darkness descended slowly, and the creatures of the night replaced those of the vivid day. In her nest of grasses, every thing was painted in with a fine tipped brush dipped in ink. The lines were softened by a gentle stroke of a water-filled brush, spreading grey shadows across the world. The fireflies emerged, dancing above her head.

In this gentle silence, she finally found peace. There was still hope, carried on the wings of those placid fairy lights.

Kikyou rose slowly, her normally impeccable hair in disarray. Her clothes were mussed and torn, and she was covered in clinging pieces of straw and damp from her earlier outburst. Slowly, her head rose. Eyes the color and intensity of a wintry sea scrutinized her surroundings.

'Inuyasha… You have chosen to honor your promises. I shall honor mine.'

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A/N ~ Sorry... Yes, for once Kikyou is a sympathetic character. I don't do the whole, "Someone has to be evil". No they don't; everyone has a spark of good in them. Just wait until I get around to Naraku. Oops… I didn't say that. ^_^;