InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Lolita: Sesshomaru and Rin ❯ Scare Tactics ( Chapter 11 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: animetributes 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 02.04.2016 | Pages: 3 | Words: 1.8K | Visits: 275 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 02.04.2016 | Pages: 3 | Words: 1.8K | Visits: 275 | Status: Completed
(Switch to Rin's P.O.V.)
Afterwards, Sesshomaru and I traveled from hotel to hotel, never staying in one place for too long. And the more that time passed, the more that I regretted my decision to reach out to him in that way. It was disgusting, it was a mistake, it was...stupid of me to act so quickly without even thinking of my consequences.
Even with these thoughts plaguing my mind, I didn't really verbalize them. Sesshomaru was at the time my only option. Where else would I go? Mother was dead, and there was no one to take me.
Mama.
I wish I had been nicer to her. If I had known that she was gonna die like this, I...I don't know what I would have done. I regret that neither one of us took the time to get to know each other very well, and that I had not been more emotionally reliant on her. Maybe she would have been able to help me if we had been closer and things would never have gone this far, and I'd just be another normal kid.
Sesshomaru kept this a secret from me, and that is unnerving-I can't trust him. But as always, I kept it to myself. I'm always keeping everything to myself these days.
Now this may be because I am only thirteen, but I have no idea why adults always make such a big deal out of money. It doesn't seem like such a big deal to me! Does it really cost that much extra to get a nicer hotel with a nice atmosphere and some good food? It can't be that much extra, could it? And our..."funds", whatever they are, can't be that small, can they? What counts as a lot or a little anyway? All I know is that some things are nice and other things are not. These...responsibilities and money-managing and other things that adults talk about make no sense to me. I just wanna listen to the radio and go in the pool and have candy.
And it looks like it wasn't such a big deal for Sesshomaru either, because later he started bribing me with it.
He controlled my moods by threatening to keep me in exile with him at the ugly farmhouse that I once stayed in for years if I did not change my attitude. Even while we were driving, if I did something that he didn't like or threw a tantrum, he'd scare me by suddenly changing directions like he was about to head back to that farmhouse, and I'd scream "no" and do as told. But as we traveled farther and farther away from there, he could no longer use that as a threat because we were too far away and it'd take forever for him to get there. It wouldn't be believable.
Obeying his threats more and more often, I got used to the behavior that he seemed to be trying to get me to adapt to.
The scariest thing of all was when he told me that all he wanted to do was protect me from what the legal system would do if they ever found out about our relationship. I heard of little girls like me being kept in coal sheds, alleyways and woods. My only hope for a good life was for him to become my legal guardian.
He wasn't the rapist, no, he said-that was Hakudoshi. He was just trying to "help" me, and with him being practically my father, I should obey him. And what we were doing wasn't wrong-everyone else was crazy. He told me about the Sicilians, who were completely tolerant of sexual relations between fathers and daughters, and said that it was today's society that had become narrow-minded and discriminated against people like us.
"If you, as a minor, accused me of kidnapping you and having sex with you, what do you think would happen, Rin?" he asked. I just bit my lip. "I'd go to jail, and you'd become the ward of the state. They'll send you to the foster care system. Do you think they have nice things there, Rin? Those kids are treated like trash, carry their luggage in trash bags, and they move around a ridiculous amount-they switch families every few months. You'll go from reformatory schools to juvenile detention homes to girls' protectories, living with thirty-nine other girls who beat you up daily, locked away in dirty dormitories, under the supervision of uncaring, prejudiced, neglectful matrons."
Dammit.
I want mom to come and get me.
"You're better off staying with me."
I hoped so. Even though I hated our current arrangement, the thought of telling, watching the police drag Sesshomaru away, and being taken to a strange and random place where no one knows me and I'd never been before-especially if those places fit his description-scared the living hell out of me. I had to stay with him, do what he wanted and keep him happy.
From that point on, I found it practically impossible to keep myself cheerful anymore. Sesshomaru, like always, tried to lift my mood by buying me things, and though I accepted, it didn't do anything. I felt...dead. There were days when the smallest things-a pretty sight, nice sound or beautiful photograph-were enough to make me smile, but now, it just wasn't the same.
Sesshomaru tried to get me to appreciate the landscape, but it didn't happen; and soon, after wandering through mildly amusing tourist spots, we ended up in my birthtown of Beardsley.
One thing I loved about the trip, though, was the hitchhikers. That was the only time that I got to mingle with other people besides Sesshomaru! Sometimes, we even came across boys my age, but Sesshomaru would undoubtedly get jealous (I could tell) and steer clear of them, and I had no opportunity for any normal interaction with the opposite sex. What did he expect? That I'd be okay with seeing no one but him all day?
But it didn't matter who we met. I was always a social person, and I want to be involved with conventional society and normal socialization. I want friends! I want normal relationships with boys my age. I didn't know that me coming to Sesshomaru that one time without thinking would convince him that I wanted to be with him for so long, but now...now I have no choice.
How could he not see that? How could he not see that I just wanted to live like a normal human being, with other humans? Did he think that I was interested in only boys or something? How could he think that, when I clearly talked to everyone-families, old ladies, women, and not just men? His eyes were always on me. And even if I had been flirting or something, how could he get so jealous when he was the one who had to threaten me to stay with him?! That in itself is proof that he knew somehow that I didn't want this, and I wanted to be free! He knew that he didn't have any claim on me.
Then it came to me.
Wasn't the best way to leave my current situation to get help from other people? In order to do that, I needed to make more friends, possible allies whom I could turn to if needed.
I became more and more detached from him as I struggled to reattach myself to regular life. He wanted to come with me when I went to trips with my friends-was he serious? What thirteen year old had her father (unwanted lover, too, but I couldn't say that) come along on trips with her peers? He actually followed me on an ice-skating trip with my friends and sat in the parking lot. Ugh, how embarrassing! And I bet he judged them too, just because they acted immature, like normal teenage boys.
He always wanted to do that. I couldn't do anything without him on my tail, watching me, stalking me. As the days passed, what little sympathy I had for him disappeared. Too scared to do anything too forward, I settled on making small rude remarks about his little habits and making fun of our relationship-he still didn't get the clue.
To add to that, he always tried to get me to places where other girls my age would be. Why, so you can sit there and have those sick dreams about my friends, the ones you had about me? Would you get to one of them while they were reading and manipulate them so that you can masturbate against them like you did to me when you first moved into my mother's house? Would you marry one of their mothers to get to them, and then kidnap them like you did to me? Would you trap them and threaten them? There's no way I'll allow that.
But of course...I didn't say that out loud. I didn't tell him the real reason I refused to go play with the other girls. I just let him think that I was a tomboy, and liked to do boyish activities.
From time to time, he'd try to sneak off with me to do things. Sexual things. I knew better than to try to run or reject him, but I always made sure to stay as close to other people as possible-somehow trying to be discovered. Somehow hoping that one of them would come and rescue me, I drew as much attention to myself as I could. And Sesshomaru, of course, did the opposite and tried to stay as secluded as possible.
I have no choice but to do this now, but...I'm gonna escape. Somehow. I gotta find a way to get away from Sesshomaru, and he can't notice that I'm planning to become free from him, lest he catch onto my plan and become one step ahead of me. For now, I go along with him and can't even get coffee unless I give him some sort of sexual favor-but I don't plan to sit here and fulfill his desire for me forever.
Someone help me. The life of a sex slave isn't what I want.
(A/N: The description of foster care above is perfectly accurate. But I'm telling you now-if you are in a situation like this, don't let that scare you. Foster care can only get you until you're eighteen, but an abuser will latch onto you and manipulate you for much, much, much longer if you don't stop them as soon as possible.)
Afterwards, Sesshomaru and I traveled from hotel to hotel, never staying in one place for too long. And the more that time passed, the more that I regretted my decision to reach out to him in that way. It was disgusting, it was a mistake, it was...stupid of me to act so quickly without even thinking of my consequences.
Even with these thoughts plaguing my mind, I didn't really verbalize them. Sesshomaru was at the time my only option. Where else would I go? Mother was dead, and there was no one to take me.
Mama.
I wish I had been nicer to her. If I had known that she was gonna die like this, I...I don't know what I would have done. I regret that neither one of us took the time to get to know each other very well, and that I had not been more emotionally reliant on her. Maybe she would have been able to help me if we had been closer and things would never have gone this far, and I'd just be another normal kid.
Sesshomaru kept this a secret from me, and that is unnerving-I can't trust him. But as always, I kept it to myself. I'm always keeping everything to myself these days.
Now this may be because I am only thirteen, but I have no idea why adults always make such a big deal out of money. It doesn't seem like such a big deal to me! Does it really cost that much extra to get a nicer hotel with a nice atmosphere and some good food? It can't be that much extra, could it? And our..."funds", whatever they are, can't be that small, can they? What counts as a lot or a little anyway? All I know is that some things are nice and other things are not. These...responsibilities and money-managing and other things that adults talk about make no sense to me. I just wanna listen to the radio and go in the pool and have candy.
And it looks like it wasn't such a big deal for Sesshomaru either, because later he started bribing me with it.
He controlled my moods by threatening to keep me in exile with him at the ugly farmhouse that I once stayed in for years if I did not change my attitude. Even while we were driving, if I did something that he didn't like or threw a tantrum, he'd scare me by suddenly changing directions like he was about to head back to that farmhouse, and I'd scream "no" and do as told. But as we traveled farther and farther away from there, he could no longer use that as a threat because we were too far away and it'd take forever for him to get there. It wouldn't be believable.
Obeying his threats more and more often, I got used to the behavior that he seemed to be trying to get me to adapt to.
The scariest thing of all was when he told me that all he wanted to do was protect me from what the legal system would do if they ever found out about our relationship. I heard of little girls like me being kept in coal sheds, alleyways and woods. My only hope for a good life was for him to become my legal guardian.
He wasn't the rapist, no, he said-that was Hakudoshi. He was just trying to "help" me, and with him being practically my father, I should obey him. And what we were doing wasn't wrong-everyone else was crazy. He told me about the Sicilians, who were completely tolerant of sexual relations between fathers and daughters, and said that it was today's society that had become narrow-minded and discriminated against people like us.
"If you, as a minor, accused me of kidnapping you and having sex with you, what do you think would happen, Rin?" he asked. I just bit my lip. "I'd go to jail, and you'd become the ward of the state. They'll send you to the foster care system. Do you think they have nice things there, Rin? Those kids are treated like trash, carry their luggage in trash bags, and they move around a ridiculous amount-they switch families every few months. You'll go from reformatory schools to juvenile detention homes to girls' protectories, living with thirty-nine other girls who beat you up daily, locked away in dirty dormitories, under the supervision of uncaring, prejudiced, neglectful matrons."
Dammit.
I want mom to come and get me.
"You're better off staying with me."
I hoped so. Even though I hated our current arrangement, the thought of telling, watching the police drag Sesshomaru away, and being taken to a strange and random place where no one knows me and I'd never been before-especially if those places fit his description-scared the living hell out of me. I had to stay with him, do what he wanted and keep him happy.
From that point on, I found it practically impossible to keep myself cheerful anymore. Sesshomaru, like always, tried to lift my mood by buying me things, and though I accepted, it didn't do anything. I felt...dead. There were days when the smallest things-a pretty sight, nice sound or beautiful photograph-were enough to make me smile, but now, it just wasn't the same.
Sesshomaru tried to get me to appreciate the landscape, but it didn't happen; and soon, after wandering through mildly amusing tourist spots, we ended up in my birthtown of Beardsley.
One thing I loved about the trip, though, was the hitchhikers. That was the only time that I got to mingle with other people besides Sesshomaru! Sometimes, we even came across boys my age, but Sesshomaru would undoubtedly get jealous (I could tell) and steer clear of them, and I had no opportunity for any normal interaction with the opposite sex. What did he expect? That I'd be okay with seeing no one but him all day?
But it didn't matter who we met. I was always a social person, and I want to be involved with conventional society and normal socialization. I want friends! I want normal relationships with boys my age. I didn't know that me coming to Sesshomaru that one time without thinking would convince him that I wanted to be with him for so long, but now...now I have no choice.
How could he not see that? How could he not see that I just wanted to live like a normal human being, with other humans? Did he think that I was interested in only boys or something? How could he think that, when I clearly talked to everyone-families, old ladies, women, and not just men? His eyes were always on me. And even if I had been flirting or something, how could he get so jealous when he was the one who had to threaten me to stay with him?! That in itself is proof that he knew somehow that I didn't want this, and I wanted to be free! He knew that he didn't have any claim on me.
Then it came to me.
Wasn't the best way to leave my current situation to get help from other people? In order to do that, I needed to make more friends, possible allies whom I could turn to if needed.
I became more and more detached from him as I struggled to reattach myself to regular life. He wanted to come with me when I went to trips with my friends-was he serious? What thirteen year old had her father (unwanted lover, too, but I couldn't say that) come along on trips with her peers? He actually followed me on an ice-skating trip with my friends and sat in the parking lot. Ugh, how embarrassing! And I bet he judged them too, just because they acted immature, like normal teenage boys.
He always wanted to do that. I couldn't do anything without him on my tail, watching me, stalking me. As the days passed, what little sympathy I had for him disappeared. Too scared to do anything too forward, I settled on making small rude remarks about his little habits and making fun of our relationship-he still didn't get the clue.
To add to that, he always tried to get me to places where other girls my age would be. Why, so you can sit there and have those sick dreams about my friends, the ones you had about me? Would you get to one of them while they were reading and manipulate them so that you can masturbate against them like you did to me when you first moved into my mother's house? Would you marry one of their mothers to get to them, and then kidnap them like you did to me? Would you trap them and threaten them? There's no way I'll allow that.
But of course...I didn't say that out loud. I didn't tell him the real reason I refused to go play with the other girls. I just let him think that I was a tomboy, and liked to do boyish activities.
From time to time, he'd try to sneak off with me to do things. Sexual things. I knew better than to try to run or reject him, but I always made sure to stay as close to other people as possible-somehow trying to be discovered. Somehow hoping that one of them would come and rescue me, I drew as much attention to myself as I could. And Sesshomaru, of course, did the opposite and tried to stay as secluded as possible.
I have no choice but to do this now, but...I'm gonna escape. Somehow. I gotta find a way to get away from Sesshomaru, and he can't notice that I'm planning to become free from him, lest he catch onto my plan and become one step ahead of me. For now, I go along with him and can't even get coffee unless I give him some sort of sexual favor-but I don't plan to sit here and fulfill his desire for me forever.
Someone help me. The life of a sex slave isn't what I want.
(A/N: The description of foster care above is perfectly accurate. But I'm telling you now-if you are in a situation like this, don't let that scare you. Foster care can only get you until you're eighteen, but an abuser will latch onto you and manipulate you for much, much, much longer if you don't stop them as soon as possible.)