InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Love In A Library ❯ Chapter 11 ( Chapter 11 )

I sighed, as I lay on my couch helpless. Yes, my emotional slump was still present and I was exactly two months into my pregnancy. Book boy wasn't going to come to me so easily. I knew he wouldn't. But, right now, I was absolutely pissed. Number one of my long list of problems: my reading is unsatisfying. It's pointless with the way I'm feeling! Reading used to cure everything, and when I say everything I mean everything. Number two on my list of suffering: My social life is totally down the drain. Who would want to even pay attention to a moody pregnant woman who will soon turn into a blimp? No one, I say, no one besides those annoying people on the street that notice you're pregnant and just have to know when the due date is and if it's a boy or a girl. I'll never see you again, and it's none of your god damn business! What, would you like me to say that I was knocked up by a man that I thought loved me but he secretly deceived me and now I have a bastard child? And number three on my really crummy mood: I had gained more weight, most likely from the chocolate I've been eating and not the child. I had to go get some new clothes the other day! But, the only reason that I was really pissed off is that I wanted my book boy back now, and I wanted him NOW god dammit! Wasn't it his job to watch over his pregnant girlfriend? Or, so to say, pregnant ex-girlfriend? Oh, yeah, that's right, I didn't TELL him I was pregnant! Am I really that much of an idiot?

I huffed angrily. I really did want him back. My rants haven't stopped for two days now. Sango has had an earful, let me tell you, and so has Naraku (but with him I just kinda forgot to `mention' the part of me wanting book boy back. If I did, he would surely have a spasm). I hadn't been back to the library lately, so I couldn't tell if he'd been there or not. I hate being so weak!

`Then stop being weak!' I raged within my mind, that phrase repeating itself. No more doubts! Just do it and see if he reacts! Then we'll see who's the strongest one here! Ha, take that inner self, I'll go yell and bitch to him before I tell him I'm pregnant. Watch him fall over and walk away. Ha, ha!

I frowned. My mood has been rather malicious and angry lately. I basically just said that I wanted to yell book boy's ears out until they bleed and then leave him there tipped over in shock and pain because I told him I was pregnant. The pain part is because I smacked him roughly over the head before I left.

No, Kags, slow down. Perhaps you shouldn't smack him. I never really was too moody or forward with him so that will be a surprise in itself. And no crying! I've cried so much this past month it was ridiculous. I'm officially dried out! No more tears will leak away from these red puffy eyes of mine. I've tried. And I've failed.

I nodded my head, affirmed that was what I was going to do. At story time tonight, I was going to corner and conquer! No more scared little Kagome going `oh-he's-gonna-break-my-feelings'. It's my life, and if I want him in my life (and he still wants to be), I'll have him in my life!

I giggled slightly. My, why wasn't I this moody when Inuyasha and I broke up? I would have scared him so badly that he would have pissed his pants! Oh, that's what Sesshomaru Taisho will do, and I mean it! Yakuza or not, I will still have him trembling at my wrath.

Very malicious thoughts! My, my, I never knew I could be so evil.

I smiled to myself as I looked at the radio to my side. Hello, my old friend. Maybe you can play me some tunes to get me pumped up for cornering book boy.

Once I pressed the button, I laid my head back on the couch arm. Comforting rock music swam from the radio to my ears.

 

Pretty girl is suffering,

while he confesses everything

Pretty soon she'll figure out

what his intentions were about

 

And that's what you get for falling again

you can never get him outta your head

And that's what you get for falling again

you can never get him outta your head

 

It's the way that he makes you feel

It's the way that he kisses you

It's the way that he makes you fall in love

 

She's beautiful as usual

with bruises on her ego and

her killer instinct tells her to

be aware of evil men

 

I quickly shut it off before I could hear anymore. Did that just hit close to home or what? But I doubt that I'm beautiful. And why isn't this breaking me into tears? Oh, I forgot, I ran dry. I can't cry anymore. I feel like crying. But I can't. Would it count if I got water from the sink and ran it down my face?

Nope, that's not good. Won't do. So where did I put that chocolate again?

Hours later, and about fifty wrappers by my side, I saw that it was time to take Shippou to story time. He had informed me a few days ago that he told Rin about my pregnancy. She received the letter just a week ago. I can only imagine that Saya clumsily forgot to give it to her.

I was dressed appropriately in some jeans and a funky sweatshirt of my choice. It wasn't, let me say, as scary as the monkey one had been, but it did have a large banana on it. Andy Warhol, what a genius.

“Mama, you're gonna take me?” I nodded with a smile on my lips. Shippou stared at me for moments and moments before he clung to my legs in a huge childlike hug.

“Shippou, what's the matter?” I asked.

“You smiled again, mama! You smiled!” I kissed his forehead as I patted his head, messing up his hair.

“I did, didn't I? That's only because I plan on talking to Rin's daddy today, and Rin as well. Since Rin knows about the baby, I'm very sure that her daddy knows too. She is a very talkative girl.” Shippou frowned at me.

“No, I don't think she told her daddy. She was very serious when I told her.” Ha! Sango had told me (in a nagging sort of way) that telling a young girl, who was the daughter of my baby's father, would be giving away to him that I was pregnant. I guess I was right. I knew Rin trusted me very much, and if I needed a secret kept, it was a secret kept.

“I see. I guess Sango was wrong. Now, let's go before Naraku gets back. I don't want him to see I'm gone.” Shippou took my hand excitedly as he began to drag me out of the house. I smiled back, though somewhat a sad smile, but a smile, nonetheless.

“Mama, can you read the story with Mr. Jakotsu this time?” I shook my head with a small sigh.

“I'm sorry, Ship, but I have some books I have to check out. I'll talk to you and Rin before story time begins, all right?” He nodded with a big toothy grin before he skipped along side me in a very excited way. “Oh, my darling, you are such a mama's boy that it's ridiculous!” He laughed with a smile.

“Really?” He paused. “What's a mama's boy?” I smiled at his childishness as I patted his head again with a giggle.

“Never mind. Now let's go see Rin!” He nodded. It was nice to see that Shippou had such a close friend. I had overheard my mother say once that Shippou didn't make that many friends. He didn't like too many friends. But Rin was someone she knew that he could trust. Rin would be his best friend for a very, very long time.

When we reached the library, he shot right through the doors. It had been awhile since I took him myself and stayed while he was being read to. I blew him a kiss as he told me he was going to the children's section while I diverted my attention to the main desk. I would check with Saya first to see where book boy was and how he was doing.

“Kagome!” She greeted with a smile. “You're here again. It's nice to see you.” I nodded with a small smile as I saw Kaede sitting beside her. She held the look that my mom had when she was slightly disappointed in me. I knew she would never hang it over my head, for Kaede was never a person to do that, but she would be a bit reminding to me of my choice.

“It's nice to see you too, Saya. Kaede.” I leaned on the desk and looked at Kaede straight in the eye. “You know, I'll tell you full well that I thought about what you said. And my outlook on the whole ordeal has changed quite significantly.” Kaede didn't even blink, but I could tell that she was startled at my decision. The last time we spoke properly, I was so against talking to book boy soon. If I were she, I'd fall over from a stroke.

“Ye listened to my advice?” She asked. I nodded with a small smile.

“That's why I'm going to find him, corner him into a wall, and bitch about everything!” Saya sighed deeply as she pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Kagome, I don't think that's what she meant.” I nodded at her deflated look. Of course that wasn't what she meant. I made it so it wasn't what she meant.

“I know. I just need to get it out of my system. He's the one who needs to hear it, if anything.” Kaede nodded with a smile, the wrinkles she had lifting at this gesture.

“At least ye will talk to him again. He's been very…” She stopped, unsure of how to describe it. I glanced to Saya for some help, as Kaede was now thinking of how to describe him.

“He still won't talk.” Saya blurted. “He hasn't talked in weeks. And it's not like he's just quiet—he's stopped talking completely.” She frowned. “I really didn't want to tell you, but you have to hear it.” Kaede gave her a hard look as my eyes widened in shock. I stilled, feeling a cold wave wash over me. I lowered my eyes ashamed of myself that he was going through so much pain.

“Why…why would he do that?” Kaede sighed sadly before she supplied me with an answer.

“Sesshomaru…ever since he was young, he always had troubles with his emotions. He held a blank face for the longest of his teenage years.” I watched the two women look at each other.

“I don't understand.” I said as I looked at them both. “Why would someone do that?”

“There are many reasons…his are still unknown to us even after so many years.” Kaede said simply as she gathered a few papers. Saya massaged her forehead briefly before sitting down in her chair. We were silent for a few moments, lost in our own thoughts, before she spoke.

“Kagome, I know he probably hasn't told you this before…but Kaede and I are like motherly figures to him. We knew his father back when he was still a young boy. He would visit us after his mother died. But he was never the same as before.” She gave a frown as she thought of pitiful memories of the one that we were discussing. “Seeing him so upset these past weeks has…it makes us want to do something for him. But we don't know what to do…the only thing that comes to mind is having you talk to him.” The cold feeling that I had before spread through my body quickly to my heart. It ached for book boy so much at that moment that I thought it might break.

“But…I'm just little ol' me. I could never really…I can't…” I paused. “I couldn't have made him stop talking.”

“You have!” Saya cried. “Stop trying to tell yourself differently. When you left the library, you should have seen him! He ran away too.” She wiped away a tear that escaped her eye. “Sesshomaru is a dear friend of mine. He's helped me like no one else could. I'm desperate to help him.” She sat down in her desk. “He's desperate to be found again.”

“And you think it's my fault?” I asked her, shaking my head. “I can't help what I'm going through, god dammit! He tried to use me! And this was all on the night that I was going to tell him that I was pregnant with his child!” Everyone tensed, that all known pregnant pause coming into effect. Now I knew what that phrase really means. It's the most uncomfortable moments you will ever have in your life.

I turned around and slumped my back against the wood of the desk. So, I had let out my secret. I didn't want it to get out yet…only my mother, Sango, Naraku, Rin, and Shippou knew. Now the librarians knew. Oh, good going, Kagome. You've managed to inform so many people unintentionally and not even the father knows! This was turning into a disaster.

“You…you are?” Saya whispered, as Kaede remained quiet. I frowned as I leaned up, peeping my gaze above the desk to see the shocked faces. I nodded slightly before giving a long frustrated sigh.

“I wasn't supposed to say that.” I commented with a frown. “Does anyone have any chocolate? I need it right now.”

“Ye have been pregnant for almost a month now, right?” Kaede asked calmly. I shook my head.

“Doubled. I'm on my second month and I just have the sudden strength to inform him now. I have to do it soon before another mood swing blows away this chance of…of…” I sniffed. “Of being loved again.”

“Your book boy did not lie to you.” Kaede informed swiftly, sternly. I blinked at her for a moment before leaning up. “He never had the chance to. Every thing he has said was true.”

“How do you know?” I asked, certainly at awe at the amount of information this woman possessed. She smiled.

“He needs to tell someone the excitement he feels after seeing ye. He reviews his day, your conversations…he particularly favored your smile. He told me everything about you. I know him like a mother would know her child.” She smiled. “Child, I know for a fact that he purposely did not give you his name. It was to avoid danger.”

“He…was trying to protect me?” Saya smiled as I stuttered this.

“He only protects ones that he truly cares for. The yakuza are nasty business. They would have no second thought of hurting you.” I stared at her.

“He didn't want that to happen.”

“Of course not, girl!” Kaede cried with much vigor. “When I say ye are giving up love, you were! But now, ye understand. Please, for both of your souls, go see him and discuss matters clearly.” She smiled. “The baby should meet its father.” I felt the stinging sensation of my eyeballs as I nodded.

“Where…where should I find him?”

“You just missed him!” Saya mumbled quickly. “He said about making things right.” I gasped, running the back of my hand across my cheeks to feel the familiar moist feeling. I was crying again!

“He's going to my apartment. I have to ask you two to see Rin and Shippou quickly and tell them I'm going to go find him!” My heart lifted as I felt hope shine through my eyes. “Wish me luck!” I cried with a sudden lift of happiness that I never thought I would feel. The two women both gave me such wonderful joy-filled smiles that I couldn't help but return one of my own before I bolted out the doors. I was off to see my book boy!

The cool evening air felt great against my cheeks. My hair waved out behind me as I dashed in and out of people's ways. I didn't see them! I didn't even think of them! I was going to get the love of my life back. It was something that made me ecstatic.

Soon enough my breath began to lack as I pumped my legs farther and faster. The closer I came to seeing book boy, the less of the chance I would miss him! If I didn't make it in time, this chance would slip from my grasp. I wouldn't allow that to happen. This is something I honestly wanted for the first time in my life, and I was going to get it.

I shouted in glee as I saw my apartment up ahead. The action caused many to look at me with weird looks as I scrambled past them. No one was going to put me down now! No looks were going to stop me from doing what I thought was right.

When I reached my apartment doors, I felt the stab of pain in my sides from running so fast for that amount of time. The pain was practically unbearable, but I didn't care. I closed my eyes as I limped down my hallway, short of breath, as I imagined him standing by my door, trying to get in. I opened my eyes, eager to see my book boy.

…He wasn't there.

I felt the depression sink in so quickly and harshly that I collapsed to my knees in front of my door. I was just so certain that he would be here. Was I so wrong to believe that he would want me back?

My arms folded over each other as I slumped to the floor as I placed my forehead against the ground. Kaede and Saya were wrong. That flighty moment that I had, the one that made me burst out laughing in happiness, was gone. That was the first time this past month that I had screamed so loud and so excitedly. But, now, that feeling was replaced my immense grief. I can feel my warm tears leaving my eyes as I think.

`Chocolate', my mind chanted. `Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate!' After moments of laying in the middle of my hallway with chocolate the only thing running through my mind, I leaned up. I wiped away my tears with my sweatshirt sleeve before taking my sweatshirt off. This certainly ruined my night.

With the sweatshirt gone, I let goose bumps cover my arms. The nice cool air-conditioned hallways soothed my frazzled nerves. My tank top was rather small, letting air run through the small fabric openings to my covered skin. I felt numb inside, just like the air around me.

I sighed. Well, if I was here there was no use in turning back. I slid into my pocket and pulled it out with a key. I slid it through its opening in the handle, my sweatshirt underneath my arm. Sorry Kaede, Saya. I guess I failed you too.

Pushing down on the doorknob, I opened the door with a slight push. I wiped the tears off my face as I shut the door behind me, welcoming the darkness inside. But I left that darkness by switching on the lights.

“Naraku?” I called softly, wondering if he was home. He probably wasn't. He said he had some more business to handle. Right when I needed arms of comfort, he was gone. Perhaps I really was alone.

I padded my way to my room, stopping when I heard another light snap on. What happened there? My hands were behind my head stretched. I didn't turn on that light…

My questions were pointless as I turned around, met with the sight of book boy fumbling to get up from the couch, the pamphlets I received from the doctor in his hands. He was nervous (his clumsiness only proved it) and I was quite nervous myself. But I felt that surge of pure hope in my heart as it began to beat rapidly. The fluttery feeling left butterflies in my stomach.

“How did you get in here?” I asked as we stared at each other for the longest amount of times. Our looks never connected, but I feel his stare at me. I knew he could feel my stare on him.

“You…the door was...” His voice was barely above a whisper. It made me cringe as I heard him struggle to speak. The lack of use certainly had affected his throat.

“I heard you stop speaking.” I mumbled, fidgeting. “Saya and Kaede were worried about you.” He remained silent for a very long time. If there was a time to rival against my uncomfortable pregnant pause, this time certainly took the gold.

“I did.” He managed to say, though very quietly. I took a step forward to hear him properly say it. But his attention wasn't on my step like I hoped it was. It was on the information pamphlets in his hands. I wetted my lips nervously as I stared at them also.

“I can explain—”

“Are you pregnant?” He interrupted. “Or aren't you?” I played with my fingers as I looked at my feet. I, surprisingly, wasn't crying. I had replayed so many scenarios in my mind of what would happen in a confrontation like this…everyone had me crying. But none of my fantasies had anything on this. This was much more…deep, personal. It was much more uncomfortable.

“Yes.” I told him, my voice unwavering.

“Am I the father?” He asked, his voice hinting a bit of worry. Of what, I couldn't be certain.

“Yes.” I watched as he sighed, relief filling the air. I felt better as his tense stand disappeared to a much more comfortable, imperfect position.

“How long?” I placed a hand on my stomach.

“Two months.”

“Boy or girl?” I smiled softly at him as I took another step forward.

“I don't know. I never asked. I'm not even sure if you can tell at this point.” Before I could help myself, I flung my arms around his waist, snuggling tightly into the warm fabric of his shirt. I felt tears leak uncontrollably out of my eyes as I felt his strong arms around me. I held him so close at that moment that I thought I might affect his breathing. But he remained how we were, his arms wrapped as tightly around me as mine were on him.

I heard him take him a deep breath as I did the same. He always smelled so nice, so wonderful. I never thought that I'd be able to smell it again.

“I missed you so much.” I cried as we broke apart, enough to at least see the reaction on the other's face. His face looked so pained that it made me flinch. I could tell visibly that he had a hard enough time without me (dark shadows underneath his eyes clearly yelled that he hadn't been sleeping well). But his eyes, those warm sunny eyes that I had become so accustom to, were filled with sorrow and so much relief. He let a smile play his lips as he moved away the hair that had plastered against my face by my tears.

“I missed you too.” I smiled as I felt his thumb wipe away another tear from my cheek.

“You did?” I asked, surprised when I saw a single glossy tear escape his left eye. He nodded mutely before taking me close, burying his nose in my hair.

“More than you could realize.” I ran my fingers through his hair, enjoying the pleasure of doing so. “Can you forgive me?” He murmured close to my ear, causing a few shivers to run down my back.

“Not if you explain everything to me first.” I smiled as he pulled away, running my fingertips on the skin of his cheek. “I think it'll be one hell of an explanation. Wait one moment while I get my stash.”

“Of what?” He asked, that beautiful twinkle returning to his eye. The twinkle of amusement.

“Chocolate, of course. We need some.” As I was about to go fetch my chocolate, I felt his arm stay firmly around my waist. I looked up at him in confusion before trying to escape once more.

“I'm not going to let you go. Not ever again.” His lips revealed a small smirk. “Haven't you once said that you were my dessert?” I grinned as I led him over to my couch, sitting him down. Surprisingly, when I thought he would let go he didn't and I fell on him in a heap.

“What was that for?” I asked as I blew a piece of my hair away from my face. His smile grew as he situated me without asking on his lap.

“I said I would never let you go. I will keep that promise.” I took his hand, lifting it slowly to kiss his palm. I then nuzzled my cheek in his hand, grateful to have my book boy back.

“You better. Now, please tell me your story. I want to hear it.” He sighed as I reached over to get a blanket that lay on the top of my couch. I placed it around us, hearing a small pleasant sigh escape his lips before he decided to tell me his exact story.

“Shall I start from the beginning?” He asked. I nodded.

“Yes.”

“I visited that library for a very long time before I ever heard of you. My father gave me a job concerning it, and I was at first very skeptical of the whole ordeal. When I first found out that I had to trail a woman, I scoffed at my father. He ordered me to do it anyway.” I leaned my head against his chest as he continued with his story. “I was shocked when I first saw you. I didn't think that such a pretty woman could be related to someone who went so far as to get in trouble with my father. You held class that your sister never acquired. When I realized that you hated your sister, I found that my secret was safe.” I frowned.

“What secret? You didn't mention in your explanation any secret.” He smiled.

“I did not. I know where your sister's location is. I've known since the beginning. So, to keep my father unsuspicious and content, I started to rendezvous with you at the library on various nights.”

“You know where my sister is?” I asked quickly. “Where is she? And how do you know?”

“My younger half brother, Inuyasha, is in love with her. He had a job similar to mine that caused him to grow closer to her.” He sighed. “They begged for my help, so I got them out of the country safely. They are now in America, safe from any harm my father can bring.” I smiled.

“I'm…happy that they have their own little happy ending. You knew from the start that I dated your brother long ago?” He nodded.

“Yes. But that truly isn't important. Long after we started meeting, I got to know how much of a wonderful woman you are. I truly enjoyed your company and I still do. Once I realized that I truly loved you, I tried subtle ways to get my father off your trail. Months later it worked and I planned on telling you my name. That was when I met your brother.”

“So why didn't you tell me your name at first?” I asked.

“It was too dangerous. My father demanded I used a fake name, but I felt uncomfortable participating with his order. You gave me the nickname book boy…it stuck since then.” I giggled as I huddled closer to him under our blanket with a smile on my face.

“It makes so much more sense…” He looked down at me with eyes warm like before.

“Yes. The night I was going to tell you my name, were you planning to tell me that you're…” I could see the awe struck look in his eye. “…pregnant?” He breathed, the word barely passing the grin on his lips. I nodded as I took his hand from where it laid in my lap and placed it against my stomach.

“I was scared to tell you.” I confessed sadly. “I didn't think you'd want a child.”

“Honestly, I hadn't planned it.” He smiled. “But seeing that you are the woman carrying it, I couldn't be any happier. Before you came I was so worried that another man impregnated you. My worries were in vain.” I frowned slightly, causing him to watch me carefully. “Are you all right, my love?”

“What are we going to do with the baby?” I asked softly. “We don't even live together. We're both unmarried, living apart with two children and my brother hates your guts. What are we going to do?” I felt his lips on my cheek as he traced my face with soft hazy golden eyes.

“Then marry me.” He whispered as I felt lips pressed against mine. I kissed him back, our kiss soft and filled with love. I nodded numbly when our lips parted as I felt water in my eyes.

“Of course…Sesshomaru.” His eyes widened at the sound of his name on my mouth. He stared at my lips for the longest of times before looking back into my eyes.

“You said my name.” I smiled.

“It is your name, isn't it, Sesshomaru?” I moved his bangs away from his eyes. “It's a nice name. It fits you well.” I squealed when he lunged for me, pushing my back on the couch cushions as he showered me with kisses. I gasped when he nipped at my neck, the tingly pleasure stilling my senses. I've missed this type of feeling.

“You accept my name?” He asked, stopping his kissing. I opened my eyes, watching the face that leaned over mine.

“Yes.”

“You say you'll marry me.”

“Yes.”

“Do you know of the great change you will be making if you marry me?” He asked. “Are you willing to make a sacrifice?” I nodded.

“If I can be with you and the children I'd do anything. Just lead the way.” He pressed a kiss to my lips, one short and sweet.

“Come with me to America.” I blinked at him for a moment in confusion before leaning up on my elbows.

“What?”

“Come with me.” He explained, taking in a deep breath. “To America.” I watched him in utter confusion as I soon remembered his dream of teaching a high school literature class.

“Book boy, I can't do that. My family is here.”

“I know.” He comforted gently as he ran his hand soothingly down my arm. “But in order to live happily, baby and all, we have to move out of the country.” I felt my lip quiver at the thought of leaving my family. “My father will—”

“Oh…I…” I couldn't leave my family! And what about Sango? She'd be so heartbroken! And Kaede and Saya…

He hushed me gently as he saw that I was beginning to breath heavy, on the verge of having a panic attack. He instructed that I took deep calm breaths and to think of the baby.

“I won't make you leave them forever.” He reassured. “We just need to get to America. I have a job secured in Michigan. I have more than enough money to bring to ensure us a pleasant life style.”

“How would that work?” I managed to ask as I thought about life in the United States. “What about the children?”

“Simple. We would marry once we arrive to the United States. It will have to be very quiet. I will have your family members flown in, if you desire, and your friends as well. Otherwise, that is all I can do. I am going to have to change my name. If you would like, I can inherit your last name once we marry.”

I was frozen with all this information headed at me. Was I ready to make such a big step with him? Did I love him enough to fly all the way to the United States? Of course I did, but leaving all my family and friends behind? I had always lived in Japan ever since I was a young child. Never once had I flown out of the country. Now I would have to go live there?

I needed my chocolate to think this over. Lots and lots of chocolate.