InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Love's Smirking Revenge ❯ Home ( Chapter 30 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

She walked slowly into his apartment, acutely aware of the lock on his door sliding into place behind her. Her socked feet were silent atop the glossy hardwood floor, quiet like a thief in the night.

The hall led into an immaculate kitchen that looked liked it’d been snatched off the pages of an interior design magazine. In the centre stood an island and just beyond that, a matching breakfast bar complete with leather stools.

Rin smiled to herself as her fingertips brushed across the cool marble countertop. Conscious of his presence behind her, she made her way to the sitting room.

To one side was a small reading area furnished with a single high-backed leather chair, an ottoman, and an antique bookcase filled with a selection of well read works. She was tempted to go browse the titles, but decided it could wait. On the other side, surrounded by large floor to ceiling windows, was an area for entertaining company. The furniture was elegant and simple, style meeting function.

This apartment suited him – from the opulent marble countertops and stainless steel appliances in the kitchen, to the symmetrical sitting area and small tucked away reading corner in the sitting room. There was no wasted space. Even the walls had their own bit of decoration – strategically placed black and white photographs, framed in black, kept them from looking bare.

She looked around slowly and took her time taking it all in. Everything had a place and a purpose. Every piece fit together, seamless and natural. It made her wonder all the more where she fit and how she’d become worked into this equation.

He’d followed her into the sitting room, but lingered near the door while she took her time exploring. She walked over to another bookshelf that stood tall and proud against the wall and studied the single picture that’d been placed on it amongst the books.

The man she recognized all too well. He looked younger in the photo, but only by a few years or so. His hair was the same stunning silver and his impeccable taste in clothes hadn’t changed. She smirked, noting that neither had his serious expression. He looked just as stern as he had most nights he’d walked into her coffee shop.

Her gaze rested longer on the woman standing next to him. She scrutinized her elegant clothes, the perfect placement of every hair on her head, her thin smile on dark red lips. She was stunning. It made sense. But of course he would be married, she realized with a sense of defeat.

“Is this your wife?” she asked, fairly certain she already knew the answer.

“It is.”

She glanced over her shoulder at him, curious about the lack of emotion in his tone. He was on his way to a small table that’d been set out with crystal glasses and bottles of various alcohols.

“Where is she?”

He took his time pouring them both a drink before answering, “Okinawa.”

She studied him as he walked toward her to deliver a glass. She couldn’t find any trace of emotion on his features - no affection, remorse, or distaste. When it came to his wife, the only thing he emoted at all was complete indifference.

She hmmm-ed and took a slow sip of whatever he’d given her. It tasted like whiskey and burned going down. Suppressing a cough she prodded, “Alone?”

There was a hint of a smirk on his lips when he answered, “Doubtful.”

Deciding it was probably best to stop prying into his personal life, she abruptly changed topics.

“Your apartment is incredible.”

The view alone was worth a hundred million yen. She gazed out at the city lights, awed and impressed by how beautiful and hypnotic they looked from 30 floors up.

He nodded before setting down his empty glass.

“Come.”

She set down her glass next to his and followed him up the floating staircase to a large loft on the second floor. The room was roughly the size of her entire apartment. Just like the downstairs, it was decorated in pristine monochromatic with hints of red here and there. The furniture was sleek and modern and the neatly arranged throw rugs felt soft beneath her feet.

She stood at the top of the stairs dumbfounded, having just come to the realization that he was showing her what was intended to be her room.   

It didn’t make any sense. Why was he doing this? What interest could a man like him possibly have in someone like her?

If she gave in to logic and pragmatism, the answer seemed obvious. In the club his intentions had been more than clear. Her skin still burned with the touch of his lips and she could feel the lingering grip of his hands on her thighs.

If he wanted a whore, why bother going through all the trouble of giving her a place to stay? Did it feel less perverse to him if he did it this way? He didn’t seem like the sort to care about that sort of thing.

Knowing that, she still couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to this than sex. Something was happening between them, and had been since the first night he’d stepped foot into her coffee shop. She couldn’t explain it, or put it into any sort of suitable category; they weren’t exactly friends, and they weren’t lovers, but there was no denying the connection between them. It was something far stronger and less tangible than either of those titles.

“Why am I here?” she blurted out suddenly. He didn’t seem surprised by the question. Rather than answer, however, he diverted his attention to the stairs.

“Let me know if you need anything,” was all he said before he retreated down them and back into the sitting room.

She stared after him, not quite sure what to think.

Maybe he couldn’t define it either.

Inuyasha slipped into his dark apartment and pushed the door shut behind him. The stillness that greeted him was a refreshing break from the constant buzz of activity at the precinct, but it only took a few moments for the silence to feel suffocating.

That was the way it was every time he came home these days. The silence and the dark were his daily, unwelcome reminders that he was alone and had no one to blame for it but himself.

Letting out a slow sigh, he collapsed back against the door and slid to the floor. Today had been exhausting. The kind of exhausting where you can hardly put one foot in front of the other on your way home; where your bones ache, your joints throb and your body tells you in no uncertain terms that it’s had enough of your nonsense.

He felt completely and utterly drained. Tonight was his night of weakness – the night of the new moon. With so many other things on his mind he’d completely forgotten about it until it was almost too late. He banged his head against the door in frustration and thumbed a lock of his newly darkened hair.

Shit.

Tonight couldn’t get any worse if it tried. Uttering a quiet groan, he rested his head against his knees and closed his eyes.

“Took you long enough.”

It’d been so long since he’d heard her voice it took a moment for the initial shock to wear off. Annoyed at the dullness of his human senses, he slowly got to his feet and stared into his darkened living room.

“How’d you get in here? Bribe my landlord or something?” he demanded, taking a cautious step forward.

She didn’t respond but he could picture her wearing an expression that was two parts confidence and one part smug smile.

“You know, for being a cop you have pretty shitty locks. A little slip of the credit card and a jiggle of the handle was all it took. It’s a good thing you don’t have anything worth stealing in here.”

The disdain in her tone was palpable.

“Thanks,” he muttered with a glance at the door.

He should’ve replaced the locks after Kouga shouldered it in all those months ago. He’d meant to, just hadn’t gotten around to it yet. He was regretting that bout of laziness now.

Scratching at the stubble along his jaw he asked, “So, why are you here?”

“You really have to ask?”

Staring him in the face was the exact moment he’d been agonizing over since January and he couldn’t think of a goddamn thing to say to her. He could apologize, sure, try to explain himself even, but what difference would it make? None of that would change the fact that he wasn’t good for her and never would be.  

It’s better this way, he reminded himself, finding it hard to believe a word of it. Out of sight, his hand gripped the back of the chair to keep him steady.

“We can’t keep playing this game, Takahashi. I can’t have you showing up at my work, snooping around in my private life...”

She paused to let out a deep sigh and got to her feet. He watched her shadowy figure pace slowly across his living room floor and tried to make sense of her words. Showing up at her work? Snooping into her private life? What the hell was she on about?

“Have you completely lost it? I know you’ve got your issues, but this is somethin’ else.”

She stopped and turned on him with a glare that would’ve frozen a lesser man in his tracks. He’d never responded well to intimidation and didn’t have any plans to start now.

“I ain’t stalkin’ you at work,” he pressed, “and I sure as hell ain’t pokin’ around in your ‘private life’.”

“I don’t know why I thought you’d be straight with me,” she muttered. “I saw you there, talking to my co-workers, spying...”

“What in the hell, Kagome! I haven’t been to the Shimbun building since...”

His voice trailed off as his mind connected the dots, creating a picture that made this whole tantrum of hers finally make sense. With a lift of his brow, he crossed his arms and sat back against the counter.

“So how long’ve you been whoring yourself out at VOSS?”

“Go to hell!”

The vehemence behind her words answered his question loud and clear. Bolstered by that minor victory, he pushed off the counter and slowly made his way into the living room.

“Yeah, I was at the club. Was letting one of the girls know about a case she helped us with. Didn’t even know you worked there till now. Wish I didn’t.”

“You don’t get to judge me,” she snapped, gathering her things in a huff.  “I don’t belong to you.”

He felt her words like individual bullet holes in his chest, each one digging a little deeper and causing a little more pain than the last.

“Yeah, I got that memo, thanks.”

Maybe it was his tone, he couldn’t be sure, but the fire licking at her heels sputtered and died out. She hesitated between him and the door before slumping against the far wall.

“Why?” she asked, all the fight gone from her words. “That day at the hospital... Why didn’t you come back?”

Well there it was. The one question he had no easy answer to. She deserved one though. She deserved a lot of things he couldn’t give her.

Biding his time, he tossed his hat onto the folding table in the kitchen and slowly combed his fingers through his hair.  

“I’m sorry,” he muttered quietly. It wasn’t much, but it was a start.

“‘Sorry’ isn’t an answer.”

Predictable. She made it impossible to meet her expectations on a good day.

“I know that,” he shot back, frustrated. She was noticeably silent, waiting for him to continue.

“Look, I know I screwed up alright? I should’ve come to visit but…”

“What?” she prodded.

“I couldn’t. Not without figuring some things out first.”

“Because of Kikyou?” Her response was quick, almost too quick, and he could hear the fear behind her words.’

“No! …Yes! I don’t know. It was more than that.”

He was pacing now, trying to collect his thoughts together. Eventually he stopped next to the counter and braced his hands against it.  

“You lied to me.”

“I didn’t-!”

He turned on her with a hard look. “You’re a smart woman, Kagome. It never occurred to you that I should know about him?”

“I… couldn’t. I knew once you found out nothing would be the same after. And I was right.”

He hated the self-righteousness in her words. Like she assumed he wouldn’t have taken the time to listen. As though he were so narrow-minded that he would’ve just pushed her away regardless of the circumstances. Didn’t she know him at all?

But she was right about one thing – everything was different now.

The room fell quiet, but the unspoken words were deafening. They were louder than the traffic on the street below or the drunken shouts of the neighbours down the hall. For every word that had been said there were a hundred more that needed to be and no time left to say them.
She made an impatient sound and pulled away from the wall.

“I can’t keep doing this,” she said sounding resigned.

“I can’t keep feeling responsible for what happened to Kikyou, knowing that I should’ve died in her place. I can’t sit at home and stare at my phone wondering why you haven’t called. And I can’t keep letting myself be jerked around by guys who’d let me go so easily.”

“You think this has been easy?”

He moved closer, studying her in the dim glimmer of street light that made its way in through the window. She had no idea what it’d been like for him and perhaps it was better that way. Maybe it’d be easier if she hated him. Maybe convincing her that he didn’t care was the only way he could give her the freedom she deserved.

Her expression was filled with confusion and doubt. The purse strap slipped from her shoulder and he resisted the urge adjust it. His eyes skimmed over the curve of her collarbone and the inviting softness of her shoulder. In an ideal world he’d reach out and touch her, stop her from leaving, but the world he lived in was far from ideal.

It was a long moment before she reached up and caught a lock of his hair between her fingers. He followed her gaze and felt his stomach drop.

Shit.

“What happened to you?”

Her gaze was penetrating as her dark eyes searched his familiar, yet altered, features. He swallowed hard and tried to keep his voice calm. All of the sudden it felt like he was preparing to defuse a bomb.

“I was gonna tell you…”

“Tell me what? That you’re human?” she asked, incredulous.

“Not exactly.”

He motioned to the couch and invited her to sit. She complied, unable to take her eyes off of him. Sucking in a breath to steel his resolve, he lowered himself next to her. He’d never had to do this before and hadn’t a clue where, or even how, to begin.

“What I’m about to tell you, you can’t repeat to anyone.”

She nodded slowly and he gave her a severe look. “I mean it Kagome. No one!”

“Okay! I get it!”

Satisfied, he turned away to snake his hands through his hair. Staring hard at the floor, he decided to start with the basics.

“All hanyou have a time when their demonic powers fade and they become more human. I don’t know why it happens; it’s just one of those things.”

“So when your powers fade, you become like this?” she asked, shifting closer.

“Yeah. It’s not somethin’ I brag about. There’s a lot of people who’d like to take me out if they had the chance and knowing when I’m off my game gives them a perfect opportunity.”

She nodded slowly, her eyes wide. “How long does it last?”

“Until dawn. It only happens when it’s the night of the new moon.”

She frowned, her expression thoughtful. He realized then that he’d known all along he could trust her with this. Not telling her in the first place had been entirely on him. Feeling lighter, he sat up and glanced at the sliver of moonless sky they could see through the window.

“I was so caught up in everything I forgot all about it…”

“You weren’t ever going to tell me, were you?” she demanded suddenly, pulling away. He grabbed her wrist to keep her from going any further.

“I know what you’re thinking; I can read you like a goddamn book Kagome, and you’re wrong.”

There was accusation in her gaze, but he didn’t let it stop him.

“You’re the first person I’ve told. Not even Kikyou knew.”

She chewed at her bottom lip and he could feel her giving in, just a little.

“I just...had to be sure.”

“That you could trust me?” she scoffed.

He nodded once and she looked away. He was surprised when she started to laugh a moment later. It was silent at first, just a small tremble in her shoulders, and then she was laughing out loud behind her hand.

“It’s too funny,” she explained, wiping the tears from her eyes. “You didn’t trust me, I didn’t trust you... We make a perfect pair, don’t we?”

He smiled grimly, not sure he liked her assessment.

“So your job at the club...?” he hazarded.

She shrugged, nonchalant. “I’m working on an undercover piece for the paper. I wash glasses all shift and take notes.”

He let out a shaky breath and chuckled mirthlessly to himself. That was his girl, unpredictable as always with balls of steel. Only, she wasn’t really his anymore, was she? He cast an uncertain glance in her direction and saw her expression turn sombre. She kept her eyes on her hands, fidgeting with them in her lap.

“I’ve missed you...” she confessed softly, toying with the ring on her finger.

Yeah, he knew the feeling. He hadn’t just missed her, he couldn’t function without her. It was as simple as that. When she left she’d taken every good thing in his life with her. His throat closed against the words fighting their way out and he could only stare as she stood up from the couch, intent on leaving.

“I wish we could go back, but we can’t. It is what it is.”

“Is it Kouga?” he demanded, slowly getting to his feet. It was impossible to keep the bitterness from is tone and she shot him a sharp look. A fierce, burning jealousy spread through him as he pictured them together.

Please Kami, anyone but him, he pleaded, curling his trembling hands into fists.

She sighed in defeat and gestured to herself with a sweeping movement of her hand.

“Could you even want me now that you know?”

Her question caught him off guard. “You mean about Oniguomo?”

She nodded silently.

“Stupid woman,” he chided, suppressing a smirk, “I never stopped wanting you.”

She lifted her gaze to meet his and offered him a tentative smile.

“Are we really gonna do this?”

In the dim light from the street he could see the fear and uncertainty in her gaze. She was terrified of being hurt again and he had no one to blame for that but himself. Kouga hadn’t abandoned her when she needed him. Kouga hadn’t pushed her away. It was all on him. He was the scum bastard who’d put that glimmer of pain in her eyes and it was killing him.

He’d been so determined to do the ‘right thing’ he’d wound up screwing everything up instead. What the hell did he know about what was ‘right’ anyway? He’d spent his whole life living on the wrong side of everything, why should this be any different?

Because she deserves more.

She deserved the world and all he could give her was himself.  It was a raw deal for her any way he sliced it, but he wasn’t strong enough to say ‘No’. Not when she was this close. Not when he could touch her and breathe her in...

“Do you really think either of us has the strength to stop?” he answered.

It was hard to get the words out past the lump in his throat. He swallowed it down, felt the burn, and let out a shuddering breath.

The agony of the past few months paled in comparison to those few quiet seconds that crept by.  He’d heard somewhere that every life has one pivotal moment that changes its course forever. This was his moment. Only she could make him and only she could break him.

The waiting was torture, but she didn’t make him wait long. Stepping in close, she wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek to his chest.

The breath slowly escaped from his lungs as he tentatively wrapped his arms around her. His position was precarious; he couldn’t convince himself this was real. Had she really come back to him? It seemed too good to be true.   

Doubt riddling his thoughts, he pulled back and cradled her face between his hands.

“I want this to be good,” he determined, his tone certain. “No more lies. No more jerking each other around. If we’re gonna do this, we’re doing it right.”

She nodded and gave him a watery smile, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

She was solid beneath his hands and the smell of her perfume was too real for it to be an illusion. He wanted to believe, but there was only one way to know for sure.

Wearing a tentative smile, he dipped his head and brushed his lips across hers. It’d been so long since he’d felt the heat of her mouth against his or the taste of her on his tongue. So long, he almost couldn’t remember what it was like.

He sampled the salty tears clinging to her lips and felt them trembling beneath his.

I’ll never hurt you again, he promised her silently, combing his fingers through her dark hair. She lifted her head to meet him and he kissed her softly, apologetic and unsure.

Her arms slipped round his neck and she gave out a quiet moan as his mouth moved over hers, hesitant at first, and then needy. Kami how he’d missed this – the hunger, the anticipation, the want.

Her fingers clawed impatiently at his shirt and pulled it up over his head. He shrugged it off and made quick work of her sweater, carelessly pulling it open. Buttons scattered noisily across the floor but she didn’t seem to notice or care. With a twist of her shoulders it, too, was on the floor, along with her shirt.

His hands locked beneath her thighs and wrapped her legs around his waist. She moaned greedily into his kiss, her fingers sinking deep into his dark hair.

“Where are we going?” she pleaded breathlessly as he carried her through the living room.

“Finding a bed,” he answered back with a grin.

With single-minded purpose he carried her down the hall to his room and deposited her atop the bed. She made quick work of his belt and he kicked off his pants, sending them to a dusty corner of the floor.

“Please don’t make me wait,” she pleaded, arching into him. He chuckled low in his throat and punished the nipple closest to his mouth with a sharp bite.


“Is this what you wanted,” he whispered roughly into her ear as he entered her. He moved slowly so she could feel every inch. Her back arched off the bed and she wrapped her legs tight around his waist, urging him deeper.  


“Tell me what you want, Kagome,” he murmured against her mouth.  


She opened her eyes and smiled at him. “You. Only you.”


It was all he needed to hear.

Bodies entwined, they moved together in search of release. With every thrust that was eagerly returned, with every push and pull, another wall came down. He held her close, breathed her in and pressed his lips to the tantalizing curve of her collar bone. She threaded her fingers through his hair and whispered his name, her hips never stopping their demanding rhythm.

He lifted his face to admire the furrow of her brow, the adorable pout of her lips, and realized that he’d never want anything more in his entire life. In her arms was the promise of a happy future, a life he once thought he could never have. She made the unreachable dream seem possible.

But for now, there was just one more thing he needed.

She moaned his name as he moved inside her and let her head fall back. The opportunity didn’t escape him, and he dragged his lips lightly across her throat, relishing in the satin like softness of her skin. Had he been in his normal state he never would’ve thought to ask, but for some reason his human self needed affirmation to be satisfied.

Human emotions were so troublesome.

Eyes closed, he rested his forehead against hers and the words came spilling out of his mouth before he could stop them.  

“Tell me you love me.”

His voice sounded hoarse and thick to his own ears, filled with desperation. He felt her pull away. She was looking at him, studying him, wondering if those words that were so unlike the Inuyasha she knew had really just come from his mouth.

“Inuyasha?”

Was this really what he wanted? Yes, his mind screamed it at him. Yes. Yes. Yes. In this girl was everything he’d ever wanted. It wasn’t in his nature to beg, but maybe just for tonight…?

“I need…”

He stopped, unable to finish. His throat closed up, resisting the words that were there. Her warm hands came to rest on either side of his face and slowly stroked his cheek.

“I love you.”

He savoured the sound of her words, momentarily forgetting how to breathe. She laughed softly and offered him a kiss when his arms moved of their own accord to wrap tightly around her waist.

“Tell me you love me just as I am,” he breathed out in a rush. It was something only she could give him.

She didn’t hesitate this time. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she pressed her mouth next to his ear.

“I do. I love you just as you are.” She repeated his words back to him, every one of them sounding heartfelt and genuine.

The corners of his mouth lifted in a smile. It was the first time in his entire life someone had said those words to him, much less meant them.

When she pulled away he slipped his fingers into her hair and covered her mouth with his. He never wanted to forget how those words tasted on her lips. So sweet, like honey, and completely irresistible; he couldn’t get enough.

Tonight he’d come so close to losing her forever. He wasn’t going to make that mistake again. He may be a proud, stubborn bastard, but he knew a good thing when he saw it. What they had was so much better than a “good thing”. It devoured him whole and he loved every tortured, heart breaking minute of it.

Selected Listening:

Hey Ocean! – Last Mistake
(This song was the complete inspiration for the 2nd half of this chapter. Go check it out on Youtube. You won’t be sorry.)


Author’s Note: This chapter has been a long time coming. I’ve had it written for about a year and I’m very happy with how it turned out. I hope you enjoyed it :)

Many, many, many thanks to those of you who’ve been following this story since the beginning. Those of you who are new readers, I am just as thrilled to have you. Every single one of your reviews and comments brightens my day.

LSR isn’t finished just yet so please stay along for the ride. It promises to be an exciting one :)

All the best,

Langus


Converting /tmp/phpJat8qe to /dev/stdout