InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Lovesick ❯ Lovesick ( One-Shot )

Author's Note: Hello everyone! =) This is a song fiction based on the song Lovesick by TLC. I hope that you'll enjoy this piece of fiction as much as I enjoyed writing it. Just to clarify things, I don't hate Kikyo like some others; I quite like her “mysterious” and “cold” character. I'm just a really strong supporter of the KagomexInuYasha pairing. XP This is not really a “Kikyo-friendly” fiction…so, if you don't like these types of stories, there's a back button on the top of your screen. Click it. XD Otherwise, ENJOY!

 

Disclaimer: The InuYasha Tachi belongs to Ms. Rumiko Takahashi. If I owned these characters, then it wouldn't be called a FAN fiction…now would it? So, no sue! ;) I'm just “borrowing” these characters for a while to quench my own sick amusement…*ahem*

 

Quote: Heaven hath no rage like love to hatred burns; nor Hell a fury like a woman's scorn.

 

Note: …lyrics…

 

Lovesick

By: Kazunomiya

 

I peered quietly through the thick, green bushes. The sharp leaves felt prickly on my face, but I paid no mind. My interested eyes were fixed intently on the couple before me, completely unaware that I was spying on them. At first, I was quite puzzled by the fact that dear InuYasha didn't pick up my scent, but by the aid of the strange light stick that my reincarnation carried with her from her era, I was shocked to find InuYasha…completely human.

 

A million questions swarmed in my mind, making me dizzy and feeling overwhelmed. Did InuYasha become human for that girl? The pathetic copy of my former self? Why would he rather be with her than have me, the original? Shaking my head to rid myself of these brain-muddling questions and inquiries, I quickly placed a strand of my black hair behind my ear as I strained to hear what they were saying.

 

Saw you two the other day

 

It was late in the night, and I couldn't see well in the dark, due to my “dull human senses”, as InuYasha would have said. I stifled a low chuckle that escaped from my lips. Tonight, I thanked the Kamis for InuYasha's toned down senses. I don't want them to be aware of my presence - yet.

 

Shifting my weight from one foot to another, I tried to balance out myself evenly so that I could crouch comfortably behind the bushy green veil. Thankfully, InuYasha quickly gathered some firewood and created a large, blazing fire. With a new burst of light from the fire, I could see quite clearly. Afraid that with the new source of light they would spy my face, I moved swiftly and quietly from behind the bushes to some tall, dark trees to the left. Careful not to step on some unsuspecting twig or kick a few loose pebbles, I averted my eyes from the handsome hanyou and the miko from the future for a moment to look down at the ground to see where I was stepping. When I reached the trees, I stood silently, breathing shallow, and meekly parted the long, thick branches of the tree before me so that I could have a better view.

 

And I would say she looks great

You all make the cutest two

 

I studied my rival with a critical eye. Now I understood why people would mistake her for my double, but nonetheless, there were differences between us - both physically and emotionally. It seems that most people are ignorant, missing the small details that set Kagome and I apart. Her gentle face is graced with beautiful grey-blue eyes, lined with thick lashes. Her skin tone is slightly darker than mine is, and her bow-shaped lips look full and pink. No wonder InuYasha had fallen for her…fallen for her long ago. But, underneath her physical appearance, I could tell that she had a strong and fiery spirit, a spirit that could challenge InuYasha's with the equal amount of passion and ferocity. And with that, I realized that InuYasha needed someone as strong in spirit as he did - but he also needed someone with compassion and love to melt his heart of ice.

 

Kagome had done that without even trying. She has taken my place by his side…I should have been the one to make him soft.

 

I guess I should be glad for you

 

I should be happy for InuYasha. Happy that he had found someone new to love. Glad that instead of him being miserable, callous, and tense, he's full of joy, compassion, and is relaxed. Joyful in her presense; compassionate because of her easy acceptance; relaxed in her gentle love. But I'm not happy! I've turned into a jealous monster filled with deep rage. I should be the one that makes him joyful, compassionate, and relaxed. I should be the woman standing by his side.

 

The thought of you makes me sick

It's been two weeks and that's too quick

 

Fifty years ago…it seemed just like yesterday when I noticed a pair of beautiful amber eyes watching me intently from a mass of trees near my home village. Wherever I went - either to go wash laundry, heal a poor wounded soldier, or while eating a meal - InuYasha was always near by, watching me…protecting me. As strange as it seems, I cherished every moment whenever he was near, although I couldn't see him. I felt wonderful! I felt like the most wanted and beautiful woman in the world. I felt like an ordinary woman, not a powerful priestess who was only useful for protecting the Shikon no Tama and for protecting the village in which she lived in.

 

Soon enough, we met and sat together, either enjoying the sunset or sunrise in each other's presense. Each time we were visiting each other, we sat closer, both wishing that the other would make a move. Finally, during one morning, when the birds were singing happily in their trees, InuYasha came to our special spot underneath the large oak tree as he did every morning. I was breath-taken when I watched InuYasha walk sensually towards me, with every masculine grace as a predator. The colourful silhouette of the morning sun shone behind him, making him magnificently beautiful. It was then that I realized that I had fallen deep in love with InuYasha.

 

He sat down emotionlessly beside me, and slowly placed his large, clawed hand over mine and squeezed. This simple gesture set my heart aflame, and I certainly believed during that time that if I stayed with him forever, I'd be happy forever. As soon as I smiled back at him, he put his arm around and I leaned against him, my head resting against his shoulder. InuYasha rested his head on top of mine and we began talking about our lives.

 

He told me that he was always so, so cold inside, forever so lonely…until he met me. InuYasha told me that my warm smile and gentle nature had won him over, and that he had never felt so complete and happy since his mother had passed away. I shivered with delight and nearly giggled like a hopeless romantic, giddy with joy myself. But at that moment, my own words came spilling out of my lips, harsh, cold words, telling him that I was a priestess with duties, and that we could never be together unless the tama was gone from this world. Judging by his silence, I had hit something within him.

 

I was ashamed.

 

I had meant to tell him that I felt the same way, that with him, we could live together, have children, grow old together, and die together. I wanted him to understand that I felt exactly the same way as he did about me…I wanted to tell him that I loved him. But once again, my role as a priestess has got in the way of things; between InuYasha and I. All of a sudden, I asked him if he would become human for me. I explained that this way, we could get what we both wanted. What we both desired.

 

Without a second thought, he agreed and embraced me fiercely. I returned the hug, relishing the feel of my body pressed against his. And for that moment, I allowed myself to be happy.

 

But…it went so horribly wrong! I had never expected Onigumo to get in the way. I never expected myself to suddenly feel the stab of betrayal and burn with hatred so strong that I wanted to kill everything in sight - including myself.

 

I can't say I'm doin' fine

`Cuz I'm about to lose my mind

 

My love for the hanyou had left me as soon as the moment that the “fake InuYasha” had injured my shoulder and left me for dead. My heart had closed, never meant to be opened up again. Little did I know that it still left a small crack, allowing some of my love for InuYasha to come creeping back into my heart. Maybe this is the reason why when InuYasha said my name in a broken whisper filled with such pain and agony that my heart broke in two. When my arrow pierced into InuYasha's heart, breaking his spirit, joy, hope, and love, a part of me died along with him; joining him for the enchanted sleep.

 

And I don't know what I'll do so

 

I don't believe that I was conscious of what I was doing…that is, until I had released the sacred arrow and watched InuYasha breathe for the last time. My priestess instincts had taken over, destroying the person that I loved most. That was when I realized that I didn't really need InuYasha to turn human for us to be happy…I would have been happy and loved just the same if he had remained a hanyou. I could have lived with my injury, but I felt like that there was no point to live anymore. The least I could do was to follow InuYasha to the land of the dead to be with him so that he wouldn't be lonely…

 

Except, he didn't wait for me there.

 

You're sad for me too bad for you
That I'm so lonely and confused

 

Now, when my love had called me out of my slumber by the magic of Urasuea, I was angry, confused, and shocked that I could breatheagain…that I was alive again, even though I was created from my ashes and graveyard soil. InuYasha was still my one and only love, but his betrayal still pained me incredibly. Meeting my little sister, Kaede, looking so old and helpless tore at my heart. Exactly how many years had passed?I had thought. I had almost forgotten about the betrayal, hoping that InuYasha and I might be able to start anew, but when my shoulder wound had reopened, I was hit with the shocking reality that if InuYasha was a traitor back then, then he still is one now.

 

I could tell by his expression that he still had feelings for me, and that he pitied me. I was furious at the thought of his sympathy. I, Kikyo, need no one's pity and sympathy. I've always taken care of myself and have got myself through tough situations without the aid of anyone. When I had confronted him for his actions fifty years earlier, he said that he had forgotten.

 

FORGOTTEN?!

 

The treacherous half-breed lies and says that he's never tried to kill me. That it was I who betrayed him. For a moment, I nearly believed his words, thinking that the tragedy that happened five decades ago was truly my fault, my fault for not putting enough trust in InuYasha, my love not a strong enough bond. But then, I remembered that heshould also have trusted me, hislove for me should have been strong. And then, I tried to rid his existence from this world…to avenge myself, my heart, and for my village.

I've gotta take it out on you

 

I failed to destroy him, my heart yet again getting in the way of my duties. I'm still angry at him, but since I now know the truth behind the incident fifty years ago, I'm not angry at him for trying to betray me, but for replacing me with that mere copy of me. How could he love another after me? I thought Iwas his life, his soul, and the air he breathed. Was I not good enough?

 

Out of spite and anger, I lured him to me, manipulated his mind into thinking that he should have protected me against Onigumo's jealousy and from Naraku - he should have protected me so that I wouldn't have died. I convinced him that it was his fault that I reached an early demise, that everything was his fault. I made him believe that his life and soul belonged to me, which in a way it did. It was when he met me that he began to feel trulyalive, free, and happy. Iwas the cause of that, not my reincarnation. He owes his happiness to me. I told him that the only possible way to let my soul rest in peace was if he joined me in Hell, like I once did for him. Except this time, he couldn't leave me.

`Cuz you left me for some chick
Now I'm lovesick baby

I snapped out of my deep thoughts and once again focused my attention on the couple before me. My breath hitched in my throat as I watched the now human InuYasha place his arm around Kagome and pull her closer towards him. My heart ached as she snuggled up against his side, and he in turn rested his head atop of her's. They sat in comfortable silence, each obviously enjoying one another's company. Then, InuYasha turned his pretty little head to her's and said a few words. I was out of hearing distance, but I guessed that they were words of endearment. I watched Kagome's expression carefully. She smiled and nodded and leaned back against him. For a moment, I thought I saw a small flicker of love flash in InuYasha's eyes.

 

I have had enough.

 

I emerged out of the trees slowly, walking forward with pride and malice. My head held high, I looked down at the embracing couple with distaste. InuYasha, finally realizing that it was his long lost love looking down at him; he quickly untangled himself away from Kagome's arms and stood up. One word left his lips, “K-Kikyo…” I let my eyes drift over towards my reincarnation, looking at the shock and hurt in her eyes. She felt pain in her heart. Good. She deserved it for stealing him away from me.

 

“You're human,” I stated the obvious with a sneer. Even though I had meant it as an insult, I very much liked the human version of InuYasha. He was so handsome, raven locks up to his waist, violet eyes, and such stunning features that were graced upon his face. I knew without a doubt that his physique was not disappointing either. He looked away towards his feet as if my comment had slapped him. I threw both of them a malicious smirk and turned towards Kagome. “Well, aren't you a little whore? Throwing yourself all over InuYasha like some common prostitute. And I'd had thought that you would have gotten some appropriate attire by now.” She blushed and looked down at her clothing. I laughed merrily.

 

InuYasha flinched at my choice of words toward Kagome, but made no acknowledgement to defend her. “Kikyo,” InuYasha began uncertainly, “about what you saw…I mean, about me…” He trailed off, leaving his request and accusation hanging in the air. I raised an eyebrow at him, not believing my ears. Did he think that I would tell Naraku or one of his enemies about his human night? Even I had more honour than that!

 

I walked towards InuYasha sensually, resting my cold palm against InuYasha smooth, warm cheek. I peeked at Kagome, satisfied at her pained expression and her obvious distress. My heart leapt when InuYasha actually leanedinto my touch, and I gave him a genuine, soft smile. “You need not worry about me telling Naraku about your human night. Your secret is safe with me…” To my surprise, Kagome flashed me a glowing smile and sighed in content at my promise. I grew angry, angry at how smug and calm she looked. “But,” I added with a pained expression, “I'm still offended that you've trusted Kagome with this secret first instead of me.” With that, I quickly dropped my hand from his warm face and turned around abruptly. “I had only sought you out to inform you of Naraku's plans. They're - ”

 

“My companions and I know about them.” I stiffened at InuYasha's reply. I sighed, realizing that my trip here was pointless. We stood in silence, the tension so thick that a knife could have sliced it in half. Then, I heard footsteps approaching us. I guessed that they were InuYasha's other companions, the houshi, taiyija, neko youkai, and the kistune. I don't remember their names, nor do I really care. Finally, they reached us, their footsteps ceasing and with shocked gasps, I could tell that they were surprised to see me here - especially on InuYasha's human night.

 

With a wave of my hand, my ever-faithful Shini-dama-chuu came floating back towards me, carrying various dead souls in their clutching insect-like legs. Slowly, each one of them dropped a soul into my useless clay body, once again giving me the ability to live and move as an undead woman. “I see that my visit here was unnecessary,” I murmured with my back towards the dysfunctional group. “Good-bye, InuYasha.” I walked away slowly, with my Shini-dama-chuu encircling me, and then lifting me gracefully into the night sky. Bit by bit, I emerged back into the shadows from whence I came.

 

Saw myself on Rikki Lake
Overweight and full of hate

 

My Shini-dama-chuu had obeyed my request to drop me off in a nearby hotspring so that I might be able to take a well-deserved bath in private. I quickly stripped my body of my priestess robes and stepped into the hot water. This particular hotspring was my favourite out of all the others that I've been to. There are bushes all around the spring, and large boulders shelter the people bathing here from prying eyes and Peeping Toms. Best of all, the calm, warm waters help me think and sort out my confused thoughts.

 

Steam rose from the water as I studied my reflection in the mirror-like liquid that surrounded me. My grey eyes are now cold and harsh, not at all like the soft and gentle Kikyo that I once was. My face is still a creamy white, and my beauty rivalled that of the goddesses themselves - or so people say. But, I don't remember my lips always positioned in a mocking smile, malicious smirk, or in a disapproving frown. When I was alive, a content smile always graced my lips. Then it hit me: I could hardly recognize the person that was staring right back at me. No, this couldn't be me. This Kikyo is filled with hate and cruelty, not at all like the intelligent, merciful Kikyo fifty years ago.

Some asshole left me in distress
I used to look down on all that mess
Seems like everything just changed

 

InuYasha is the reason that I've changed from the pure Kikyo into what I am now, I thought angrily to myself, not accepting the fact that I was also responsible for this change. However, I knew the real reason why I'm filled with hate and anger. Onigumo's jealousy of InuYasha and Naraku's thirst for power is what caused my change. If I went back to my home village now, I bet that none of the people who live there will recognize me as the lovable, honourable priestess that they knew and respected so many years ago. They'd be ashamed of the changes that I took. They would not accept me.

 

Everything has changed for the worst. Everything that I held dear to my heart is now tainted with evil or is in peril. The Shikon no Tama, which I have worked so hard to protect during the time that I was still alive, is now in the hands of Naraku. InuYasha thinks that I hate him and want him dead, when all I want is for him to love me again; love me like he loved me fifty years ago. And my soul…my mind and heart…now they're filled with impurity and hatred - something that a priestess such as myself should not even harbour in their thoughts.

 

Am I even still a priestess?This question troubles me. I have always loathed the thought of being alone for all eternity in order to protect the Tama and my village. I wanted to become an ordinary woman, have children and watch them grow, not having to worry about an enemy demon attacking me every minute of my life. I'd like to know that some man would find me desirable, and would love me. I have found that man, but things didn't work out as we expected it to.

 

I know full well that I don't have to be a priestess now…I could just be an ordinary woman. You're staying a priestess because you want redemption, a little voice in the back of my mind said. I scoffed and dunked my head underneath the water, wetting my hair. I came back up to the surface for air and pushed my hair back to be out of my way. “Why do I want redemption?” I challenged the voice inside my head. “What? For feeling jealousy and hatred and anger like any other human being on this planet?” The voice didn't reply back, and I smiled, satisfied.

Once I gave my love to you, you went away
Since you are the one to blame
You better figure out how to get it back baby

 

I soon dived back into my deep thoughts. Maybe, if I had told InuYasha that I loved him back when I was alive and well, then maybe InuYasha and I wouldn't be having this troubled relationship. But, I have told him that I cared for him and longed to spend an eternity with him, hadn't I? I told him when I had bound Kagome to the tree in which I was resting in, and revealed my feelings for my dear hanyou right in front of her. I must admit that the reason that I forced her to watch our little interlude was to hurt her - hurt her like she hurt me. Make her jealous and burn with hatred like I do. But I also wanted to prove to her, that even after the betrayal, even after fifty years, InuYasha's heart and soul still belongs to me and no one else.

 

I enjoyed every whimper that left her lips and tear that fell from her eyes. Now she understood what if felt like to have someone take away something precious to you. My scheme was going so well, that is, until Kagome interfered with my part of dragging an unconscious InuYasha down to Hell to spend an eternity with me. When he awoke, InuYasha immediately leapt to her side and freed her from my Shini-dama-chuu. His concern and worry for her teared my heart to shreds, and he still didn't notice.

 

She had won him over, yet again.

 

From then on, I had come to a decision to push InuYasha away from me, to let him know what if felt like to be hurt in such a way that it felt like your soul was being torn from your very being. Even though I had hurt him plenty of times, sometimes even almost killed him, and yet he still came running back like the little lovesick puppy that he was. But no. He had to earnmy affection and love back. This was his punishment for running back and forth between my reincarnation and I.

 

You're sad for me too bad for you
That I'm so lonely and confused
I've gotta take it out on you
`Cuz you left me for some chick
Now I'm lovesick baby

 

Before, InuYasha had sought me out numerous of times just to see me, talk to me, and be in my company. Of course I was always glad to see him, but I masked my happiness behind a cold façade and acted like I had no need of his presense. I know that it pained him to see me so lonely and angry, but it pained him even more that I was deliberately pushing him away, acting like he was my enemy instead of my past love.

 

But now, ever since he warmed up to Kagome, he's been pursuing me less and less. Only when he needs to talk to me privately about Naraku or if he just happened by chance to meet up with me does he ever come and say hello. It ails me to think that I've all of a sudden become a second priority to him. Kagome is now his first.

 

The only way that I can see him is if I lure him to me with my Shini-dama-chuu, or if I cause some sort of chaotic situation so that he'll come running to see what's wrong. It frustrates me to no end! Is it too much to ask of him to come and see me regularly? Whenever he does come, and when he gives me subtle little hints about wanting to go back to his companions (or more accurately, back to Kagome's side), I play the guilt card on him. I remind him every chance I get that it was his fault that I died prematurely, and that he owes me my life, which should be repaid by giving me his soul. He can be so easily manipulated. Soon, he feels sorry and hugs me, and I know that Kagome is always near by, in a bush or behind a tree, watching this heart-breaking embrace.

 

I guess the real reason that I do this to him is to feel some sort of satisfaction in getting revenge. I still strongly believe that InuYasha shouldn't have fallen in love with Kagome. What does she have that I don't have? My love for him will burn until pigs ascend into the air and fly. Doesn't he know that? Doesn't he understand how much he means to me? If he does, then how can he still hurt me so? I'm turning into a jealous, lovesick, revenge-seeking monster, and I can't do anything to stop this transformation.

 

Before I met you I didn't think
That you'd ever do a thing
To take away my independence baby

 

In all my life, I had never depended on anyone else but myself. In battles against ferocious demons, there was no one to come to my rescue. Whenever I had troubles with personal situations and problems, there was no one that I could confide in. Kaede back then was still a mere child of twelve, not nearly old enough to listen to a woman's problems. I was lonely and longed to be ordinary and accepted, but my duties weighed heavily upon my shoulders, and so, I learned to only count on one's self and no one else.

 

Life was good, although I lead quite a solitary life; I enjoyed being independent immensely. In a world where men held all the power in their greedy little hands; where women were expected to depend on their husbands with every little thing and detail, I held a freedom that most women envied with a fire. But, with freedom comes loneliness, and sometimes it also comes with options and risks that you know you have to take.

 

InuYasha, however, changed all this. Whenever I had troubles, I confessed all of them to him - my secrets, my goals, and my personal dilemmas - and he was always there, silent and listening. It gave me comfort, feeling the heavy weight of my duties lifted off a bit off of my shoulders every once in a while. It also pleased me to know that InuYasha was a good friend, willing to help me out with my problems and was able to lean me a shoulder every now and then. Sometimes, I would also return the favour.

That was when I began to depend on InuYasha more and more. I loved the feeling of not always being the one that was depended on by everyone. I liked the fact that I also had someone who I could talk to - really talk to, and not worry about them feeling burdened. For once in my life, I felt ordinary.

Before I met you I was straight
Now I'm `bout to go insane
I saw you and I think about you baby

 

A rustle in a nearby bush startled me out of my thoughts. I turned around towards the offending bush, raising my aura and ready to purify any demon that was going to attack me. As it turns out, it was just a small, white rabbit, dashing out of the bush and scurrying back into it again. I gave out a long, tired sigh. I am beginning to feel paranoid.

 

Deciding that I had bathed in these murky waters long enough; I climbed out of the spring and sat on a large boulder that was lodged on the edge of the bank. I pulled my bare legs and hugged it to my chest, covering my naked form as I lifted my head up and stared at the navy-blue night sky. Little bright bursts of fire were scattered across the almost-black veil, providing the only source of light in the night. I pushed my long bangs out of my face and studied the stars. How long ago did I wish upon that very star for InuYasha and I to spend an eternity together? I questioned myself with remorse as I looked up at the large, bright North Star. Far, far too long… I decided.

 

I wanted to cry, but no tears left my eyes. No tears can leave my eyes. My pathetic body is dry; I can never cry again. No matter how my heart twisted and writhed in unendurable pain, no salty liquid will fall from my face, showing my grief. This feeling is overwhelming, this feeling of wanting to vent, wanting to let it all go - and not being able to. I wanted comfort…I wanted InuYasha. I wanted to feel his warm arms around my cold, frail body, enveloping me with his radiant warmth. I wanted to feel his soft lips pressed against my own, feeling the passion and love behind that kiss.

 

But it's too late; the pestering voice in the back of my mind tells me. You've pushed him away for far too long; pushed him so hard that he went running into the arms of another woman! I scowled, acting very un-priestess-like. “That is not true!” I spat, angry that the voice was right, even though I refused to believe it. “He loves me, and it will always be me! Kagome is just a inferior double of my former self that the Kamis had created without much thought.” I must have sounded ridiculous, arguing with myself. For a moment, I believed that I had indeed gone insane, hearing voices inside my head, but I dismissed the thought right away with a frown.

 

Placing my attention back on the bright lights in the sky, my mind began to wander. I wondered what InuYasha and Kagome were doing right at this moment, while I, Kikyo, sat naked and vulnerable on a large boulder and looked up into the night sky. I wondered if InuYasha truly did still love me as much as he did before - before that child Kagome had taken hold of his heart. I wondered if Naraku will ever be defeated, and my death avenged. I still questioned a lot of things.

 

Then slowly, as if on cue, the stars in the navy-blue sky began to dance…

 

You're sad for me too bad for you
That I'm so lonely and confused

I've gotta take it out on you
`Cuz you left me for some chick
Now I'm lovesick baby

 

I saw visions of InuYasha in those stars, loving visions and heart-breaking visions; bittersweet memories that reminded me of my lonesome past. I saw InuYasha pinned to the Goshinboku…thick tree roots that have slithered its way up and around InuYasha's sleeping form, his face slack with the enchanted spell. I watched InuYasha and I embracing as he promised me to turn human and become my husband. I saw painful visions of InuYasha and Kagome together, laughing and spending time with one another. That was when I realized that InuYasha had never laughed when he was with me fifty years ago. Does that mean that he is happier with Kagome? I wondered briefly.

 

I saw the human InuYasha cuddling like lovers with Kagome, his arm around her protectively as he whispered loving, endearing words into her ears. I peered at myself, my bow and arrow ready in my hand, as I pointed my weapon toward Kagome. Then InuYasha came along, growling and yelling at me, asking me what the hell I was doing to Kagome. I saw the look on my face as I tried to kill InuYasha again when I was revived by Urasuea's magic, and it pained me to see InuYasha's confused and angry expression that was aimed towards me.

 

Finally, I watched InuYasha holding me tightly in his arms as he promised to protect me for all eternity, and then I saw him commit the exact same thing to Kagome, holding her like he was afraid she would slip away and be lost to him forever.

 

InuYasha loves that girl, the voice in my mind began again. I let out a sharp sigh, irritated that my conscience had returned to haunt me. You do not need his protection any more, it whispered to me. For you are now part of the dead, and should not be walking amongst the living. If a demon came by and should slay you, then everything would return to what it was supposed to be. You are the intruder! The dead should not get another chance at life! I winced as the shocking tide of reality hit me full force, sending my mind back reeling. The Voice is right. I am an intruder. I need no protection, for I should have killed myself the instant I was revived. I am requiring too much of InuYasha; he has no business protecting a woman that is already dead.

 

“But…what of Kagome?” I inquired The Voice with a smirk. “She is also an intruder here. She does not belong in this time…with InuYasha.” Wrong, The Voice replied. Kagome was sent here by the Kamis - and it not so, then by Fate herself - to right the wrong that you have done to your love five decades ago. After that, she will, without a doubt, return back to her time, since she knows her place. I contemplated the words that The Voice had said. Every word that she had said is true. Kagome's real purpose to travel back in time was to heal the wounds that I had inflicted upon InuYasha. “But I have neither place in both eras - for I am dead,” I muttered to myself bitterly.

 

You're sad for me too bad for you
That I'm so lonely and confused
I've gotta take it out on you
`Cuz you left me for some chick
Now I'm lovesick baby

 

Seeing that I had dried off quite well by the warm, gentle breeze, I climbed down from the boulder and gathered my priestess robes and clothed my naked form. As I finished tying the large knot on my red miko garment, I gasped as I finally understood what The Voice was trying to tell me.

 

My eyes widened as I realized my intentions for the Shikon no Tama when I was alive and in love with InuYasha was impure… I was selfish and wanted my loneliness to end so desperately that I pressured InuYasha into becoming human for me, making him assume that I could only love him as a human like myself. In reality, it was I who had betrayed him. I took his love for granted and twisted it into something perverse in order satisfy my own needs. I closed my eyes in shame and let out a long, shuddering sigh. I am so sorry, InuYasha.

 

I understood and knew what I had to do. Apparently, the Kamis - bless them - gave me a second chance to right my wrong personally. I had always thought myself to have been a pure being during the short period of time that I was alive and well, but it seems that even I, the legendary Kikyo, had impurity in her heart. This clay body of mine just harbours the small sliver of Kagome's soul - I possess with me the hatred, jealousy, and anger that I kept inside myself before my demise. I hated my duty as the jewel's guardian, jealous of ordinary women with loving children and devoted husbands, and angry at the world and gods that gave me this burdening role in society. These simple, yet strong emotions, is what made up the corrupt Kikyo, the Kikyo I am now. In order to free myself of this curse, I must let InuYasha go.

 

Let him go find happiness. Let him live a long, fulfilling life filled with friends, family, and love. Let him live the life that I had hoped for him back when I was alive. Let him go back to Kagome and love her - with no strings attached.

 

Love. It is such a powerful and pleasurable emotion. It enables the creature that harbours this emotion to feel vulnerable yet in control. It truly is a wonderful feeling, causing joy in every little thing in life. Even though the love InuYasha and I shared was impure in a way, it still felt wonderful. How did Kagome's pure love for InuYasha feel then? It must be truly amazing. Although love is a pure emotion with good intentions in the beginning, it can be manipulated and twisted quite easily. We learned that the hard way, InuYasha and I.

 

I waited until my Shini-dama-chuu returned to me, dropping a few deceased souls into my artificial body. I signalled them to follow me, telling them with a look that I needed no more souls to feed my body tonight. We walked away from the hotspring and ended up in a large lush meadow filled with long, healthy grass. I breathed in the refreshing night air, imagining it bringing colour to my cheeks and letting my phantom heart to beat with each breath. InuYasha, tomorrow night I shall visit you again. It shall be our last time together, for I am now allowing you to let go of your commitment to me - your commitment to come with me to Hell. For a moment, I believed that real tears would actually begin to fall from my eyes, for my heart wrenched in agony at the thought of InuYasha leaving me. Overwhelmed, I collapsed onto the soft ground, the grass softening my land. My entire body shook with sobs, even though no tears fell. And slowly, with each shake and each invisible tear falling, I let go of all of my jealousy, rage, and hatred that I've kept inside my soul ever since I realized the path in my life was to be a lonely priestess. My heart also vanquished the feelings of despise that I held for InuYasha and Kagome for so long.

 

My dry sobbing ceased, and I slowly got up, finally feeling the feeling of true freedom. A soul without hate, jealousy, greed, anger was my true freedom. A life without priestess duties was just an illusion of what I wanted. I decided then and there that I would return to InuYasha tomarrow night, except this time, my visit won't be one of painful memories and regret, but of one filled with love, acceptance, and giving him the rights, life, and freedom that he deserves. I also want to make peace with Kagome and their companions, letting them know that I'll be standing by their side when the day comes that they'll face Naraku.

 

Yes…this feeling of pure love and freedom is truly amazing. I smiled, thanking the gods for teaching me this valuable lesson that I had never learned in life, but somehow managed to learn in death. I want you to be happy, my dear InuYasha…happy with your companions, happy with your life, happy with the love that Kagome will give to you.

 

For I knew that I could never have given the pure love and acceptance that Kagome has given him back when I was alive. But I did know that Kagome will right the wrong that I have made in life, heal InuYasha's heartbreak that I had caused when I let that single arrow fly.

 

“InuYasha,” I whispered, as if the winds would somehow bring my message to my hanyou, “I'm sorry…you are now free from my grasp.” With that, my Shini-dama-chuu came back faithfully, encircling me once again and lifted me into the sky, intent on finding me a quiet place to rest my weary body. We arrived at the Goshinboku, inside my lover's forest. I sat between the large tree roots and leaned my head back. I quietly ordered my Shini-dama-chuu to not wander around, but to stay with me. I didn't want InuYasha (if he was in the village at the moment) or any other villager to find me at this state of time. I will go to them when I am ready and well.

 

I closed my eyes and smiled sleepily. Tonight was the first night that I had slept soundlessly without worry or without anger and regret. Tonight, I slept with pure bliss. Goodnight, my love, my InuYasha.

 

 

-Finish-

 

Author's Note: Whoa! 7,000 words for my first song fiction. *grins stupidly* Well, I hope that I didn't disappoint anyone…I did try my best! Read and review please! You know you want to… ;) Flames are welcome, but only if they are constructive and helpful. I will not tolerate anyone flaming me because they didn't like my fanfiction just because they're Kikyo-lovers or they don't like my idea…or whatever. But, if there is anything about my spelling, grammar, holes in my plot and story line, or anything else, then please inform me so that I may correct it! Thanks for taking the time to read this short story!

 

 

 

Have ideas for a new story? Drop me a line at: yoshi.girl911@hotmail.com. Thanks again! :D