InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Making it right ❯ Reflection ( Chapter 1 )

Chapter One- Reflection

 

I watched her lie there. She looked so serene with one hand on her fore head and the other over her heart. It was almost if, even though she was sleeping, she was still guarding her heart from the pain that someone might cause it. It was so heart wrenchingly beautiful it almost made me want to cry. There she was, just lying there so beautifully. She had always stayed by my side with unwavering loyalty and kindness. Sure there were times when we fought and she tried to `sit' me into an early grave, but it was always her who would come back first and try to make amends. She was the most loyal and kind person that I had ever met. However I couldn't say that about myself.

 

I sat in my tree and thought. I thought about every single time I was un-loyal to her. Ever since the first minute we met I was un-loyal, but that is not what weighed so heavily on my heart. What hurt me the most was thinking back on every time I had seen the pain stricken look on her face because I had run back to Kikyo. I had the most awful luck when it came to keeping my transgressions hidden from her when it came to Kikyo, Kagome was just too smart. Hell, if Kagome hadn't stumbled on it, she knew where I was going simply by my change in demeanor. She knew me that well. Yet againI couldn't say the same thing about myself.

 

When she was fuming mad at me, I couldn't tell half the time. I'd figure it out when she wouldn't ride with me, or when she just wouldn't talk or touch me altogether for a couple of days. I felt guilty because she knew how and when to soothe me, and yet I knew jack didely squat about her. The worst part was that it wasn't because she was a mystery or even some sort of enigma. She was just Kagome. She was there with her emotions written plainly on her face and her with her heart worn neatly on her sleeve. No, it wasn't that she was hiding anything; it was that I had never cared to look.

 

I felt guilty about it, but I just could never find the time. I was so busy fighting that I had stopped noticing and caring.

 

Inuyasha leaned back in his tree and reflected on what made him think about all of this in the first place.

 

It had been earlier last morning. I could feel Kikyo's presence nearby. She was so close her scent was almost palpable. I had longed to see her again. Even if it was just to make sure she was alright, and to make sure that she was still with me. Kagome must have sensed it. She sat through breakfast without any of her usual smiles. She just sat there with an awkwardly blank stare on her face. She must have been thinking deeply because she sat there with such a blank expression that she almost looked vacant. Looking back I should have figured it out by the way she had given me my plate. She knew. She knew exactly where I wanted to be. She knew exactly where I longed to go. She just sat back and watched and waited for me to go. Her heart had already been broken, even before I left. I sat back. The tension was thick between her and I. I finally gave in. I just had to see her. I made a lame excuse. Thinking back I can't even think what the excuse was. I looked her in the face and lied, but the most awful part was that she knew. She knew I was lying, and yet she looked me in the face with the most haunting smile and told me,

“Go to her Inuyasha. I am sure she wants to see you as much as you want to see her”.

 

I was shocked. I wanted to ask her how she knew, but most importantly how she could send me into the arms of another. I shouldn't have gone, but I did. I got up and ran to Kikyo. When I got there I was too overjoyed to think about what I had done. I went to Kikyo and we talked. I can't seem to remember what we talked about, but we talked for hours. When I came back to reality, dusk was approaching. I ran back to the clearing where everyone had been at breakfast, only to find that we were one person short. At first I looked around dumbly, wondering where she had gone. Finally I resigned and asked where she was. I received the most heart wrenching reply form Sango,

 

“I don't know….”

 

“She went for a walk hours ago” Miroku further elaborated.

 

I knew I was in deep shit. At least if she had gone to a hot spring she would come back. When she went on walks the only way she would come back is if you found her, and dragged her back forcibly. So I left to find her.

 

Her trail was cold, and it was hard to pick up her scent. I felt awful because that meant that she had left a long time ago, she could be anywhere, and I hadn't even noticed. I stumbled aimlessly on a clearing full of flowers. If I didn't find her soon it could be bad. Dark was soon approaching. I would have moved on, but something didn't add up. There was a small patch of flowers that looked displaced. I walked briskly over to them to see what it was there and I found her. She looked broken and sad. The forlorn look in her eyes broke my heart, and yet I couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. So I asked.

“Hey what's eating you up”?

 

She just looked at me. For about a minute she just stared at me. I didn't think she was going to answer. In fact I almost wish she hadn't. She gave me the most heart breaking reply.

 

“Inuyasha, I hate myself for loving you”, is what she said.

 

To be honest, that wasn't what I had expected. Yelling, sitting, anger, yes, but that, no. I looked at her, dumbly, and watched as tears began to well up in her eyes, stunned. She just got up and walked back toward camp. I just stood there, still stunned. I felt as though someone had just tripped me and punched me in the gut. I didn't know what stunned me more. Was it because she didn't just leave to go home, or because she just told me she loved me.

It was that moment that I realized that I was the biggest asshole I have ever known. I hadn't even thought about if she had loved me. In fact I had deluded myself into believing quite the contrary. I followed her back to camp. I never came closer that twenty paces behind her. I thought about every time I had done this to her. When we reached the camp I sat in the tree I was in the night before, and I just thought. When was it exactly that she had fallen in love with me, and why had she done it. Most importantly I thought about how much I must have hurt her, and how I would make it up to her.

 

I sat there and contemplated as they ate their food. I sat there and contemplated as they unrolled their sleeping bags and went to bed. I sat there and contemplated as Kagome silently sobbed herself to sleep, while everyone pretended not to notice. I sat there and contemplated until I came to the realization that, no matter how much I lied to her and myself, I loved her with all my heart. I could no longer be oblivious, ignore her feelings, or crush her heart by running into the arms of a woman I could never have. I came to the realization that I loved her, and that I would do anything in my power to make this up to her. I would show her that I would never again hurt her, and that she would no longer have to hate herself for loving me. For the first time in my life I sobbed. I felt so worthless because I had broken the heart of the one woman who loved me for me. It was then that I became determined to earn the heart and love of Kagome Higurashi!

 

 

 

 

 

 

So how was it? I hope you did. Review me please. I haven't done this in a while so it will be nice to hear some feedback.

 

Hey you guys were right about the pov thing. So I fixed it. Hopefully it is better now.