InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Malice ❯ Healing: Beginning Again ( Chapter 13 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Chapter 13: Healing: Beginning Again

Sango held Kagome close, tears running down her face as she rocked the younger girl back and forth.

Gods, my poor Kagome, how could something like this happen to you? It's not fair!

She ran her fingers through her hair soothingly – tenderly – worried because Kagome seemed unable to respond to anything. Her eyes were open, but blank, and she didn't move at all. What's wrong with her? Looking up, she spotted a likely stopping place just ahead, and nudged Kirara down.

As soon as they landed, she dismounted, still holding Kagome, and waited for Kirara to lie down so she could ready her bedding. She hadn't gotten much done when Kikyou arrived, followed closely by Miroku.

As they entered the small glade, Sango looked up and caught their eyes, tears still pouring from hers. She opened her mouth to speak, but then helplessly closed it, completely unable to articulate anything she was feeling.

Miroku hurried to her side, determined to help shake her out of her pain. This has to be the worst day we've ever had. Gods, Inuyasha, please, don't do anything stupid....

"Sango? Love, are you going to be okay?" He reached for her, holding her and letting her cry on him... she needed to get it out.

While he was busy with Sango, Kikyou walked silently over to Kirara, crouching as she reached her side to check Kagome. She stopped mid-reach, however, as Kirara growled warningly.

Well, she really does inspire loyalty, doesn't she? Even in this neko youkai... she must be an amazing person to have as a friend, Kikyou thought, not for the first time, enviously eying the young woman. Kikyou smiled at the protective cat.

"I won't hurt her, you know. I'm just going to see if I can help wake her up, make sure she's okay." She shook her head with amusement at the look the firecat shot her. "Besides, do you think I'd really want a pissed off Inuyasha after me with that damn sword of his because I'd done something to his mate?"

Kirara stared at her steadily for a few minutes, before closing her eyes and lowering her head to rest on Kagome's lap.

Make my person better, Miko.

Miroku and Sango had quieted when they saw the little stand-off between Kirara and Kikyou, watching carefully to see what Kirara would decide.
Kikyou wouldn't be able to fool the neko youkai about her intentions, so if she had any negative ones, they knew that she wouldn't be allowed to touch Kagome.

When Kirara closed her eyes and calmly allowed Kikyou near, they relaxed, although Sango only relaxed a little.

"Well, Miroku, I don't think we're going anywhere else today, so we may as well set this up as camp for the night, why don't you go get firewood, and I'll get busy on digging the pit and setting up the bedding." She looked at him, and he understood her silent words: I have no intention of leaving Kikyou alone with Kagome, not even with Kirara there. I want one of us here at all times....

Kikyou ignored the two, her entire focus resting on Kagome. Sitting down in front of the girl, she did a quick physical check, even though there had been no fighting that she'd been involved in, there were some bruises and scrapes on her knees from the hard tree limb she'd been on. They weren't serious, and finally Kikyou sat back and considered the girls' catatonic state.

She's gone away inside her mind... and I bet I know why. It isn't because of what Naraku did... no, she's had over a month now to get used to carrying that knowledge. It's fear – she's ashamed to face everyone now that we know for sure what happened, especially Inuyasha, so she's hiding.

Standing up, she nodded thoughtfully, before walking up to Sango and bowing slightly.

Smiling slightly at the startled taijiya, she spoke firmly, but with a slight deference. She's very protective of Kagome, almost as much as Inuyasha, so I have to convince her I mean no harm. "After we all eat, I am going to attempt to reach Kagome. To do so will require a prolonged trance state, so that's why I'm going to wait until we have eaten. I'll need all the energy I can get."

Sango looked at her silently for a moment, measuring her, before nodding slightly. "What's wrong with her?"

"Shock, mostly. What's happened is that she's gone away inside her mind, because she's afraid to face everyone knowing that we all know what was done to her." Kikyou shrugged. "It's not an uncommon reaction among women that have been hurt in that way, but Kagome's reaction is a bit extreme. I think it's mostly because of Inuyasha, actually, she's... ashamed now that he knows, and cannot bear to face him. But this state can't be allowed to continue, because the longer it goes on, the harder it will be to call her back."

"I'm going to be blunt, Kikyou. I don’t know if you can be trusted, there's too much of a past between you and Kagome and Inuyasha for me to be comfortable with you at this point." She held her gaze unflinchingly. "Kagome’s like a sister to me, I love her as much as any blood family I ever had. I will not allow you to hurt her, and as long as you understand that – and that I will be watching you – then we can have a truce."

Kikyou nodded. "I understand your point, Taijiya."

"Good. Then you may as well rest while I prepare dinner." Turning away, she smiled as Miroku walked back towards the fire pit, carrying a good sized load of wood.

When he drew near, he raised a brow at her. "Did you make your peace with Kikyou?"

Sango shrugged half-heartedly. "Not necessarily peace, but a truce, yes. It will take some time before I'm comfortable with her around Kagome, but for her sake, I’m willing to try.” As long as she doesn't hurt her, was the undertone, punctuated by a glare thrown in the older woman’s direction.

Miroku sighed. "Good. I only hope that Inuyasha hurries back." Looking towards the area they'd left him and Naraku facing off, he shook his head. "Truthfully, I hope he comes back at all. I fear what his rage and guilt will do to him."

"I can't find it in my heart right now to care about that, Miroku." Sango admitted, bending over to pick up a rock before throwing it into the woods violently. "Damn him! I know it's not all his fault, but I don't know if I can forgive him! He left her, and look what was done to her!" Her voice dropped to a choked whisper as she glanced over her shoulder at Kagome.

"She didn't deserve this, and now... I'll say this, Miroku: if he doesn't return – if he fails her again – I will never forgive him. It's hard enough now, but..." she trailed off, not finding it necessary to finish the thought out loud. Anyone with any brains knew what was on her mind.

Kikyou said nothing, she just listened.

So much hurt, and all because of a sick bastard's mind games...

And Inuyasha's guilt for something that was never his fault.

Miroku watched Kikyou thoughtfully for a time.

He was impressed, actually; he knew that she knew he was watching her, and she didn't react at all. She had great poise, hardly surprising, since she had been a Miko her entire life. What was surprising was that the things that had happened to her since she'd been brought back had not tainted her at all, apparently. She had been filled with bitterness and hatred when she'd first been revived, but it was obvious that things had changed.

"Well, monk? Do you have something to ask me, or have you reasoned out all the answers already?" Kikyou finally looked up and caught his gaze.

"No, miko-sama, I have not the answers to an enigma such as you." His gaze remained steady on her. “Tell me, what has changed within you since you were first returned to this life? Back then, you had great rage inside you, and now, you do not. I am curious at the change."

Kikyou smiled enigmatically. "I remembered who I was, monk." She gestured towards the still form of Kagome. "She reminded me."

Miroku nodded, finally looking away. "I understand."

Suddenly, Kikyou's head snapped up, looking off into the distance. There was a rather large whirlwind coming straight for them, and she could feel jewel shards manifesting from within.

That youkai from earlier: the one trying to claim Kagome. The one she didn't want to touch her....

By that time, the others had also caught sight of Koga's whirlwind and jumped to their feet, moving quickly to gather weapons before placing themselves between Kagome and the line of trees that separated them from the incoming demon.

Kikyou moved as well, swiftly placing herself in front of them, bow in hand and arrow drawn before the others could even blink.

That was the sight that met Koga's eyes as he skidded to a halt in front of them.

"What the fuck?! You! Inukorro's dead bitch! What do you think you're doing?" He scowled at her, clearly angered at once again facing weapons. "I'm here to take my woman; since dog-shit obviously can't protect her. I can't believe that fucker let Naraku get his filthy hands on her!"

"Yeah, well, I agree with you there, wolf-shit, but you're not getting your hands on her, either. None of you damn males are capable of taking care of her, so now it's my turn." Sango was tired of this crap, and plainly not taking any more of it. "I suggest you back the fuck off, Koga, and leave, because if you try to lay a hand on her, your tribe will be looking for a new leader."

"Listen, bit---" Koga was cut off before he could finish by the arrival of a very dangerously enraged hanyou – one whose aura was giving off every sign of belonging to a full youkai.

He was still carrying the marks of his youkai self, except his eyes. While his crests were in full evidence, his eyes – normally amber in color – were now circled with red, and as his elevated youkai aura hit them, Kagome's eyes widened, and she let out a gasp before bolting upright and staring blankly ahead of her, keening in the back of her throat.

Inuyasha's head jerked around towards the girl as the first sound left her, before leaping quickly towards her, wrapping her in his arms and jumping into the nearest tree. Everyone in the camp could hear the soothing growl he was giving off, and heads swivelled as they all traded looks amongst themselves.

Even Kikyou seemed surprised, lowering her bow and looking around her as much as the rest were.

Koga was the first to recover, heading for the tree Inuyasha had disappeared into, stopping at the base and yelling up into it. "Oi! Fuckface! Get down here with my mate, you damn bastard, it's my job to hold and protect her, not yours anymore!"

Miroku winced as the soothing growl coming from the tree changed in pitch and timbre, becoming deadly, filled with threat, and he stepped forward, hoping to draw the wolf prince away. "Koga, I really don't think this is a good idea. Kagome isn't your mate, and you know it, so please - stop the posturing and let it go before you make things that much worse!"

Inuyasha jumped back down from the tree, still carrying a once more prone Kagome before Koga could say a word. Walking over to her bedding, he gently laid her down on it and covered her before standing and turning towards the wolf.

His eyes blazed as he stared him down, and none of those present had ever seen him look more dangerous than he did in that moment. He drew Tessaiga as he spoke, "It's time to finish this, Koga. Right here, right now. You know I've had a claim on her since before you guys met, and you've tried to take her from me for the last time." Inuyasha grinned evilly, his fangs glinting in the afternoon light. "Kagome's not able to save you now, so let's go find ourselves a nice little place to fight this out."

Koga growled at him. "Why the fuck would I want to do that, bastard? You've got your bitch right there-" he pointed at Kikyou, "-so why the hell do you keep trying to interfere with me and Kagome?"

Kikyou stepped forward, interrupting Inuyasha before he could respond. "Listen, youkai, and listen well. I am no one’s bitch, so get that thought right out of your head." She rolled her eyes at Inuyasha's growl. "As for Kagome, let me tell you this, wolf: when you appeared earlier, she didn't want to see you, why do you think she was in that tree in the first place? Kagome belongs to Inuyasha. Deal with it, because she doesn't want you." She turned her back on him with disdain and began to walk away.

"Fuck you, woman! How the hell would you know what Kagome wants?"

Kikyou turned to look back at him. "Because she's my reincarnation, youkai. I know well what she's thinking, and it isn't about you. It never was. You don't stand a chance with her, you know, you're only making a fool out of yourself by hanging around."

She walked back over to join Miroku and Sango, both of whom were snickering a bit at the dumbfounded look on the wolf prince's face.

Pointing Tessaiga at Koga again, Inuyasha finally spoke, everyone in the camp freezing at the anger in his voice. "Never again, Koga. You had better never come near her again, because I will destroy you, your friends, and the rest of your damn tribe if you do. No one else will ever touch her. No one." He stared at Koga, who appeared to be almost mesmerized.

"Decide now, wolf-shit: either leave and give up this stupid idea of yours, or fight. Those are your only two choices." His aura was elevating again, and Kagome was whimpering behind them, causing Inuyasha to growl low in response.

Koga watched all this with disbelief. She's responding to his claim on her, even unconscious! His shoulders slumped as he finally made the connections that everyone else had made months ago. Kagome really did belong to that stupid mutt. Even her sub-conscious mind responded to the hanyou. She truly was his mate, even if they hadn’t consummated it yet.

Squaring his shoulders, Koga nodded in her direction. "Even in her sleep, she recognizes your claim on her soul. The priestess is right, I have no chance. I will leave and not return." He looked at Kagome once more, then back to Inuyasha. "Take care of her, dog-shit, or else." He turned, whirlwind forming around him, and disappeared into the tree line.

Inuyasha sheathed Tessaiga before turning and rushing back to Kagome's side. Picking her up, he sat down against the nearest tree and began his soothing growl again, completely ignoring the rest of the group.

Knowing that Inuyasha wasn't going to be paying them any attention for a while, the three went and sat down on the far edge of the campsite, trying to give the still very irate hanyou some privacy.

Miroku reached for Sango's hand, holding it tightly and rubbing circles across her palm with his thumb, trying to soothe her and keep her calm. The purple-clad monk then turned his head to Kikyou and spoke. "Did you understand any of that? Why did Kagome respond to his elevated aura like that?"

Kikyou smiled slightly. "She responded to his presence because his youki was calling to her, and her own soul recognizes his claim on her – recognizes him as her mate." She nodded towards the couple. "I probably won't have to go into trance to reach her. She should respond to him and wake soon."

Sango frowned. "Wait a minute. I know Inuyasha's been spouting all that ‘mate’ crap since earlier, but Kagome denied him, so what makes you say she's accepting it now?"

Kikyou raised a brow at the taijiya. "Does that," she nodded her head at them again, "look like she's rejected him?" She sighed, staring into the distance. "I know what you are asking, Sango. Yes, Kagome tried to deny his claim on her when she was awake, because of what Naraku had done to her. She feels - unworthy of him because of it, even though she's wrong in that belief. But underneath all that was done to her, her soul has accepted Inuyasha's claim. She really is his mate, and there is only one more aspect of the bond that has yet to be finished. It isn't even the most important one - she's already tied to him for eternity."

Miroku nodded as Sango just looked blank. "So what you're saying is that they already have a completed mate bond, and it's just a matter of time until it's consummated." He looked thoughtful. "Do you think when she awakens she’ll still try to fight it?”

Kikyou considered the question for a few minutes before answering. "Yes, unfortunately, I do. What Kagome is feeling, the whole 'tainted' thing she keeps talking about, is actually very common in women who have suffered this kind of attack, and it's a symptom only time and a great deal of support can overcome. She will still not feel worthy of him, but Inuyasha isn't going to give up, and that's what she needs." Shaking her head, she let out a humorless laugh.

"Naraku made a drastic mistake when he took those two on. He couldn't have realized the strength of the bond that has existed between them for so long. Even Inuyasha didn't realize fully. I'm pretty sure I know what he's trying to do, but it won't work. I'm looking forward to seeing that bastard get his comeuppance when Inuyasha finally destroys him."

Inuyasha sat with Kagome in his lap for what felt like hours, and yet, conversely, couldn't be long enough for him. He wouldn't mind holding her forever, but he wanted her aware and happy as he did, and that certainly wasn't the case right now.

He kept up the soothing growl he'd been using on her, it seemed to be calming her, and it had broken her out of that weird state she'd been in when he'd first arrived, taking her from that and helping her into a normal sleep. He looked down at her sweet face, calm now, but still shadowed, and wanted to cry for the pain he now knew she'd been hiding for so long.

How could I have been so foolish? I should have figured this out ages ago, but I guess the truth of the matter is that I was afraid to think about it, he thought sadly.

As the camp grew quiet, and the girl in his arms fell into a deep, healing sleep, Inuyasha stood and walked back over to the where his friends were sitting, carefully arranging Kagome, he sat as well, making sure she was in a comfortable position.

Miroku smiled at him. "It is good to see her sleeping so peacefully, Inuyasha. I don't think she's done that since... well, anyway, it’s a good thing."

"Yeah. I think from now on this is where she sleeps. Even if she tries to argue, it ain't gonna fly, the wench belongs to me, and I'll do whatever I think I need to do to make sure she's safe. Even from herself." He glanced over at Kikyou, who was watching him with a bland expression. He growled lightly; warningly. "What?"

"You seem too..." she shook her head questioningly, "I don't know... calm, I guess, after what's happened today. For finding out what Naraku did to her. I find it surprising, is all."

His growl escalated and his eyes flashed red for a moment before he visibly looked for control, closing his eyes and nuzzling his face into Kagome's hair, breathing her scent in deeply.

It took him a few minutes before he was stable enough to answer. "Calm? Fuck, no, I'm not calm, Kikyou. I want to rend and tear, destroy, kill, maim. I want to fuckin’ call fire from hell and obliterate anything and everything that could or would ever harm her..." he looked at her, and they could all see the burning rage he was trying to cover in his eyes.

"But she needs me to be calm, and even if it kills me, that's what I'm gonna give her. I owe her everything, including my life if she asks me for it, and it doesn't matter how much what she needs hurts me or my pride. When it comes to her, nothing is too much... and I have no pride."

Sango smiled sardonically. "Good. I hope you mean that, Inuyasha, because if you fail her just one more time, I'll never let you or anyone else near her again."

Inuyasha glared at her for a moment, as Miroku put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Don't try it, Sango. I mean that. You're a friend, and I know you see Kagome as a sister, but she is my mate, my life, and it won't matter who it is, if anyone tries to take her from me, I will destroy them. Please don't push me. Not with this. Not about her."

He kept his gaze locked with hers, refusing to give, and she finally nodded and looked away.

I'm keeping my eye on you, though, Inuyasha. Don't think this is over.

Miroku stood, reaching his hand down to Sango, and smilingly pulled her up. "Shall I help you make dinner, my dear?" He gave her a roguish grin, twitching his palm, and he was gratified to see the color come up in her face and a belligerent sparkle hit her eyes.

"Don't even think about it, you hentai, or I won't feed you any dinner at all." She chuckled quietly as he grimaced, and they moved away, verbally sparring all the way.

Inuyasha put his head back down into Kagome's neck, closing his eyes wearily. This had been, without doubt, the single longest day of his life. So much emotion had battered him - fear anger, pain, rage... love. All of it so intense, that he was singularly grateful for this small little bit of quiet time with her in his arms.

Looking up again with a deep sigh, he caught Kikyou's eyes on them, and he shifted a little uncomfortably. In all the horror of this long day, he'd not paid too much attention to who was around when he'd held Kagome, but now... well, needless to say, he felt just a little awkward now, with his former love's gaze pinned on him and his new love.

"What?"

"I am glad to see you finally admitting your feelings, Inuyasha. You hid from them for far too long."

The hanyou shook his head slowly. "No. I didn't hide from them, I hid them from everyone else. I knew a long time ago..." he broke off for a moment, looking away before sighing again and facing her. "I knew I was in love with her before you were brought back, Kikyou. I didn't think she felt the same at that point, and so I denied it, and then after you were brought back... well..." he broke off guiltily, "I felt bad and I knew I was hurting her with my vow to protect you, so I tried to send her away and not see her again." He chuckled slightly at her raised brow. "I know; it didn't work, because I just couldn't let her go. I really did try."

"That was foolish, Inuyasha." Kikyou shook her head and laughed lightly. "You cannot get rid of a part of your soul - it will only kill you in the end. If you had succeeded in sending her away, you would have eventually wasted away, you know."

He flicked a golden glance at her, before once more fixing it on the woman in his arms. "Yeah. I know..." he whispered.

"Don't be afraid to show how you feel about her, Inuyasha, even in front of me. I assure you, I am not hurt by it, and she will need all the evidence of your love for a long time to come. She has much painful healing to face, and she won't make it without you, even if she tries to push you away, and she will try."

She reached a hand out to his shoulder at the look of intense pain that crossed his face.

"It is because she feels soiled, not good enough for you anymore, that she will try to push you away, so you must be strong, and just know that she does love you, and isn't rejecting you. She's rejecting herself. That is the biggest lie about this whole situation that we have to help her beat."

Just as he opened his mouth to reply, Kagome moaned, moving sleepily in his arms, and his attention was fully captured by her, everyone else falling right out of his mind.

He watched, arms firm but not tight around her, as she opened her eyes and winced at the light, squinting up at him, she frowned. "Why are you holding me, Inuyasha? You don't usually do that..." Kagome trailed off as her eyes widened, and he knew she'd remembered the events of the day as she went limp with shock and hurt, and hid her face from him. Stiffening up, she pushed away from him in a move that caught him by surprise with its strength, rolling to her feet and tensing as if to run.

Oh no you don't, Kagome!

He hit his feet in a blur, grabbing her arm and locking her into his side before she could even so much as breathe. "Don't even think it, wench." He captured her chin in his hands, forcing her face up to his, ignoring the fact that she refused to meet his eyes. "Just where did you think you were gonna go, anyway? You should know by now you can't run from me, woman." He sighed softly, pulling her fully against him and folding her into his arms, despite her resistance.

"Why are you touching me, Inuyasha? You know, Gods, you know! You shouldn't be touching me!" Her voice was shaky, harsh with shame and fear. "You shouldn't–I can't touch you anymore, you should understand that now. Why don't you understand?" She was wailing by the time she reached the end of her disjointed little speech, and Inuyasha tightened his grip on her.

"Why should I? I don't want to let you go, I'm not going to let you go, ever. I don't get why you think I should!" He shook his head fiercely as Kikyou moved towards them, glaring over her shoulder at Sango and Miroku as well, warning them all to stay away.

Kikyou stopped, but spoke anyway. "Inuyasha, what are you doing? You're only making her more upset!"

"No, Kikyou. Don't interfere. I'm going to make her see that no matter what she thinks, she is beautiful, and pure and good, and nothing that anyone can do will ever change that!" He nuzzled his face into her shoulder, hating the hysterical tears and the scent of fear coming from her, but determined to break through that 'dirty' crap.

"Listen to me, Kagome: I am not letting you go!” He growled into her neck, possessively tightening his arms around her.

”I refuse. No matter what's happened, I will always be right here with you, holding you-" he blushed slightly, "-loving you. Nothing you say is going to change that." Scooping her up, he moved over to the closest tree, and leaped up into it, effectively shutting his friends out of the discussion.

Kikyou shook her head with a troubled frown.

I hope this works and doesn't cause more damage, Inuyasha... you always did push things too far.