InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Malice ❯ Solace: Healing Her Wounds ( Chapter 14 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Chapter 14: Solace: Healing Her Wounds

This is... disappointing.

Inuyasha has not broken like I had hoped--like I had planned. So. He will make me dig deeper, deeper into his mind, into his soul. And Kagome, you as well, I knew you were strong, and that you have not broken yet, I expected, but I had expected a bit more... cracking, so to speak. Unfortunate that he has completed a bond with you, it will make things that much more difficult, and yet... this will make things far more interesting - later.

You and your friends seem to have forgotten - this is my strength, my power - to take what you perceive as your strength, and turn it around on you, and with so much of the jewel within my hands, that strength only grows greater as time passes.

The jewel: The jewel that this is all about. It is reflecting the changes within you, beloved - there is a dark taint in it, forming within even the fragments you hold. Do you feel the pulse of darkness in them, or are you too locked within yourself to notice? I wonder....

The effort needed to destroy you both will be greater, but because of that, the damage will be much worse. Inuyasha, you will be completely destroyed, your soul gone for all eternity, and Kagome - you will be mine, oh yes, but your mind and soul will be in fragments, all of those fragments steeped in the darkest night, and the only purity you will retain will be the purity of your hatred for me.

That thought alone gives me the patience to endure the wait, beloved. I can be very patient, as you will have the chance to find out, very soon. I will make sure that you have an eternity to learn, my koi, for you will never escape my hand - not even death will free you.

He will die.

You will live.
Inuyasha leaned back against the trunk of the tree he'd jumped into, relaxing his tired body while still managing to keep Kagome tucked against his chest - where she damn well belongs! - even with her stiffened posture. Sighing deeply, he kept his face pressed into her shoulder, not allowing her to pull away.

He needed this - and so did she, even if she was afraid of it at this point.

"Just accept it, Kagome. Please don't fight me - it won't do you any good, saiai, because I have every intention of keeping you right here for the rest of your life - and mine." He continued to nuzzle into her shoulder, once again beginning the low-pitched growl he'd been giving off earlier, hoping to keep her calm.

"You need to get rid of those thoughts of impurity, koi - they aren't true, they're what --" he gritted his teeth so hard his jaw hurt for a moment, "--what that bastard wants you to believe."

Kagome had stiffened even more as soon as he started speaking, and by the time he finished, a high-pitched keening was coming from her, along with the scents of shame, fear, and pain.

Dammit! How do I get through to her?

For a moment, the rage he was trying so desperately to control slipped out, and he raised his head to the heavens and howled out the agony in his soul...

At that, the woman in his arms gasped, looking up at him in shock. Eyes wide as he'd ever seen them, she stared in astonishment, before reaching up to touch his face with dainty fingers, hesitantly trying to comfort him.

Looks like I shocked her right out of that state she was in - why is it that it seems the only way to reach her anymore is through her concern for others? And how can I use that, to keep her here - grounded, instead of running off in her mind somewhere and getting lost? Hmmm.....

"I-Inuyasha?" Her voice was weak, wavering, and so meek he hated it immediately - this was not how his Kagome should sound. She ducked her head and refused to meet his eyes when he looked at her.

"Um, y-you know, you should put me down - it can't be too comfortable sitting like this. I could probably help with dinner or something," she whispered, her entire body language projecting an almost fear-driven submissiveness, "maybe make some ramen, and besides," she stiffened again, "I'm sure Kikyou is probably uncomfortable with you, well, holding me like this, you know - up here."

Inuyasha growled louder at that. "Shut-up, wench. Kikyou ain't got nothin' to do with this, this is between you and me." He shook his head as she opened her mouth to speak, placing his hand over it to stop her words. "Why do you insist on trying to drag Kikyou into this? Why? Because you're too afraid to accept what I told you earlier today? Too fucking ashamed of what happened to you to think that you deserve my love, so what? You're gonna try to throw me back to her? Don't I fucking get any say in this?"

She squirmed uncomfortably at his words, they brought so many conflicting emotions that she couldn't focus on any one feeling, anger, fear, shame, pain, all whirling inside her mind until all she could feel was dizzy... her hands flew up to cover her face as her eyes closed tightly.

"Stop! Just stop it, Inuyasha! What do you want from me?" A heartbroken wail - one he'd heard too many times lately to even pay any attention anymore.

"I want you to fucking wake the hell up, wench!" He shook her gently, before running his hands up from her shoulders to cup her face. "Dammit, woman! Look at me!" When she didn't, he leaned forward and placed his mouth against her ear, asking softly, "If this had happened to Sango - what would you say to her?" He pulled back, carefully watching her face for her reaction.

She blinked.

Eyes open, but unseeing, he could see that his words had caught her completely off-guard, and sent her somewhere deep into her mind - Fuck...hopefully I didn't send her totally off the deep end here, that would just be fucking great! - but at least she appeared to really be thinking, pretty much for the first time since all this had happened.

He waited for a few minutes, wondering what her answer would be.

What would I say to Sango? What would I say to anyone else that's ever been through this? I - don't know... I could never think them unworthy of love, or that they were impure but... Inuyasha's next words echoed her own thoughts eerily.

"And another thing - would you consider any other woman who had been hurt this way as 'tainted' or 'unworthy'?"

She sat up, obviously indignant at that. "What do you take me for? How could I ever think that about someone? I thought you knew me better than that by now!"

He grinned inwardly - it was working, his words were making her think, and she was sounding much more like herself, she had become so upset at the thought of someone else being treated as she thought she should be, that it had pulled her right out of the hole she'd been digging for herself.

"So - let me get this straight. If it were Sango or some other woman that this had happened to, they would still be worthy of love and affection?" At her sharp, annoyed nod, he asked, "Then why are youany different?"

Her mouth dropped open, and she stared at him in astonishment. "Wh-what?"

Did he just.. outsmart me? How the hell do I answer that?

He frowned at her in annoyance. "Come on, Kagome, did you really think I was that stupid? You fell for it simply because it never occurred to you that I'd ever think of something that 'deep'." He growled low.

"Or is it that you actually thought I'd really think that way - think that what happened to you against your will would make me see you as any less worthy? How is that supposed to make me feel, woman? That you would see me as such a horrible person as all that?"

She flushed guiltily, opening and closing her mouth several times before she managed to get any words out.

"Of course I don't think that about you, Inuyasha! This isn't about how you see me, not really, it's about how I see me! I feel..." she put her head down, her eyes dulling with pain, "torn, bruised, shamed, and I feel... like--" she whispered so softly he almost didn't hear, "--trash - something used and then thrown away."

I didn't realize - but it's true, it's not how otherssee me that's the problem - it's me! It's how I see me now...

He flushed angrily. "That's so much bullshit, Kagome! Would you say that to someone else who'd been hurt that way? Call them 'trash'? I can't believe you'd even think like that!" He pulled her shoulders forward, bringing her face into his, watching in satisfaction as her eyes widened nervously.

"You should be nervous, wench, spouting that kinda crap! I will never see you that way, no matter what happens, and I'd better not catch anymore of that shit coming outta your mouth again, understand me?"

Kagome swallowed hard, before pulling back from him a little. He resisted at first, glaring hard at her, but finally let go - slightly. "Inuyasha, my head knows that what you're saying is right - but my heart isn't ready to believe it yet - if it ever will be. It hasn't recovered from the nightmares, and it won't... not for a long time to come. I'm sorry if you think I'm being stupid about this, but you can't really judge, since you've never been through it."

She sighed wearily, a few tears slipping from her eyes, before she looked back up at him.

"I'm sorry I'm worrying you, Inuyasha, but you have to realize that you're better off with Kikyou. You don't have to pretend to love me because you feel sorry for me, or guilty about leaving to go after her."
He stared at her, holding her gaze for some time. She really has convinced herself that's the truth - that I am only saying I love her because I feel guilty - how could she be so foolish?

She began to drop her eyes, so he reached out and caught her chin in his hand again, keeping her face turned to his.

"Look at me, Kagome." She'd never heard his voice so soft, gentle... at least, not when he was speaking to her. It trapped her, and then his eyes... like honey, glowing, full of some emotion she couldn't understand, couldn't believe in. "They say the eyes are the windows of the soul - do mine look like I'm lying or faking it? You can't hide from me, koi, not anymore. You belong to me, and you always will - so stop trying to run, because you can't run far enough, or fast enough, to ever get away from me. You just can't."

He let go of her face, but maintained his lock on her eyes... before leaning forward and gently kissing her.

He pulled away before she could even react, his eyes heavy-lidded, but firmly in control, noting with satisfaction her stunned look.

Good. Wench didn't fight me - she understands all the way to her soul that I'd never hurt her.

Satisfied for now that she'd gotten his message, he loosened his hold on her and prepared to leave the tree.

"C'mon, wench, let's get some food into you. You haven't eaten since this morning, and I wouldn't be much of a mate if I let you starve to death, now would I?"

Their companions back on the forest floor stared in amazement for a few moments after watching Inuyasha haul Kagome up into the canopy, before looking at each other.

Miroku smiled at the two women, shrugging, before turning back to the fire. "I think I'll head to that stream I found earlier - some fish would do us wonders. Kagome's ninja food is all well and good, but we need the meat." He looked back at the women, both of whom nodded in agreement.

"I'll go with you, Miroku - we can get done faster with both of us there, and I think we need the food as quickly as possible." Sango grabbed her hiraikotsu and made to follow him.

"Is there anything you would have me do?" Kikyou gave a small half-smile. "I am... more than willing to help, you know."

Sango stopped and shook her head. "Not right at the moment... other than maybe keeping watch." She motioned with her head to the two in the tree. "I doubt Inuyasha is paying much attention right now." She was curious to see Kikyou's reaction to the fact that Inuyasha and Kagome were together in the tree.

Kikyou raised a brow, tilting her head in acknowledgement. "I meant what I said, slayer. Those two belong together, and I have no intention of trying to come between them." She smiled slightly at Sango's surprised look. "And yes, I will be happy to guard the camp - those within it as well."

Sango nodded shortly and trailed after Miroku, frowning as she went.

I just - can't seem to bring myself to fully trust her...

Kikyou shook her head. The taijiya was going to be a problem if she couldn't get past her mistrust. True, it showed that she was a very loyal companion to those she cared for, but nonetheless, at this time, she wasn't helping her friend. They all needed to pull together to help the young woman through what was happening to her - not only that, but the jewel was involved too.

She sighed.

After the meal, she was going to have to sit everyone down and talk to them, and this discussion wasn't going to be pleasant. The group as a whole needed to know what Naraku was up to, but this talk was going to cause Kagome more pain - and she hoped that she was strong enough to make it through this. Inuyasha was not going to be cooperative about something that was likely to cause her more hurt.

Why me? She chuckled to herself at that thought. I've been asking that question for most of my life - and no one to this point has ever answered it to my satisfaction. I remember - Hisa - my teacher, she used to get so annoyed with me when I would ask that.

Ah well, I bet she wouldn't be surprised to find out I was still asking it, either.

She wondered idly if anyone ever would be able to answer that question.

That thought barely trailed off when she heard a blood-curdling howl from Inuyasha, causing her to jump. Turning quickly, she called her soul collectors to her and spoke to them, then watched as they circled the tree heading up the trunk and out of sight. Gods, Inuyasha! She turned as Miroku and Sango tore into the camp, already in combat mode.

They came to a halt at sight of her, noting her easy stance, they relaxed slightly, and looked at her questioningly. She gestured for silence, waiting until her collectors floated back to her. She nodded and sighed.

"They are fine - apparently, Inuyasha was just letting off some steam - they're speaking, and I highly doubt anything being said is making him happy."

The others nodded solemnly, finally relaxing fully. "Well, I suppose we may as well head back and finish cleaning our catch - we'll be finished soon." Miroku took Sango's hand and pulled her back into the trees.

Kikyou sat back down as the others vanished under the trees. And with no one around to see, she let down her guard. Pain and fear showed in her eyes, and her aura darkened with sadness. The simple truth was that being this close to Kagome after what had been done to her was painful.

Since Kikyou was only able to live because she had a portion of Kagome's soul, she was able to feel her anguish and pain... and even get flashes of her memories if she was in close enough proximity. What had happened to her was beyond horrible - Naraku had truly outdone himself this time, and she was able to say beyond any doubt, that if it had been her, she would never have survived.

It was going to be a very difficult discussion, but she was going to have to sit down with Inuyasha, and tell him some of the things she'd seen in Kagome's memory. He had to understand, or he wouldn't be able to reach her - at least, not enough.

But first - a discussion with all of them about what was happening with the jewel shards. She had learned a great deal about the jewel and Kagome herself, through this whole situation - and the rest of the group needed to know if they had any chance of countering Naraku.

Great - two uncomfortable talks - one with everyone, and one with just Inuyasha. And I can already tell that isn't going to go over well with the other two - they'll be even more suspicious of me than they are now.

She sighed deeply, a bit of melancholy settling into her mind.

What's next?

Dinner that night was a quiet affair - no one really wanted to break the silence and possibly say the wrong thing. It was obvious from the look on Inuyasha's face that he was suffering, and as for Kagome... well, you could tell she had a lot on her mind.

Kikyou really wished she could put off both the talks she was about to instigate... but she knew she couldn't.

Taking a deep breath and emptying her mind of all distractions, she put her plate down and sat back. Clearing her throat, she glanced at each of her companions around the fire, making sure they were all paying attention. "There are things that I have to tell you all, and none of it is going to be easy to hear," she locked her gaze with Kagome's and addressed her, "especially not for you." Before she could continue, Inuyasha broke in, just as she had known he would.

"Keh. What the hell do you need to tell us that's so important that you think I'd let you say anything to hurt her?" He leaned forward, staring hard at her, and Kikyou knew he was holding back a lot of anger.

"Inuyasha, I wouldn't hurt her deliberately just for the hell of it. Just so you know, being near her after everything that has happened is very painful for me, because I can feel her suffering." She tilted her brow at him. "Or have you forgotten that we share a soul? I am only doing what is strictly necessary - you all need to know what that bastard is up to, what his goals in all this are, so that we can counter him."
Kagome drew in a sharp breath at the mention of 'goals'. She knew full well what Kikyou meant when she said 'what he's up to', and shame and embarrassment once again writhed through her. Before she could say anything, Kikyou gasped slightly, and then the rest of what she had said filtered through - and Kagome reached for her hand with a cry.

"Kikyou... are you okay?" Kagome's eyes were shimmering with tears as she looked at the older Miko. "I didn't know I was hurting you," she said, as a sob broke from her. "I'm sorry... so, so sorry..." her voice trailed off in fresh sobs as everyone looked at her aghast.

Kikyou reached out for the younger girl before Inuyasha could grab her, pulling Kagome into a hug and rocking her. "Shhh, Kagome - it's alright. What I'm experiencing is only a small fraction, an echo, if you will, of what you have gone through and are going through, so don't apologize. I'll be alright - and we can help each other deal with it, okay?"

She continued rocking the fragile girl, all the while making soothing noises to calm her. The rest of the group just watched in surprise - except Inuyasha, who watched them both with an unreadable expression on his face.

After a few minutes Kagome calmed enough and pulled gently away from Kikyou, giving her a small, embarrassed smile. "I'm s-sorry. I just - felt bad that I was hurting you, I don't mean to, you know."

"I know. It's just the way things are," she smiled at her, "since our lives," here she rolled her eyes, "have been so messed up. Some Kami out there obviously has a really messed up sense of humor," she finished dryly.

She was pleased when the group around the fire broke out in surprised laughter, including Inuyasha. She watched him for a moment - in all the time she'd known him, she'd never seen him laugh - she'd rarely seen him smile. But as he saw Kagome's small laugh, his smile broke out and he practically beamed at her.

Sango turned to Miroku with a strange expression, one he couldn't quite interpret. He wondered what was running through her mind. He'd have been a little surprised if he could have seen what her thoughts were.

At that moment, Sango's thoughts were even surprising her - a little. I can't believe what I just saw - Kikyou holding Kagome and comforting her, never thought I'd live to see the day. I kinda feel... sorry for her, if she's feeling some of what Kagome is it must be really difficult.

Slowly, in the unwilling heart of the taijiya, a begrudging respect was beginning to take shape.

Doesn't mean I trust her, though...

Kikyou's smile finally faded, and she sighed deeply, letting out a great deal of tension. Time to get started...

"Alright, everyone, if I could get your attention? Kagome? I need you to take out the little jar you have the shards in, and hold them out for everyone to see, please?"

Kagome looked at Inuyasha for a moment, silently asking his permission.

"Keh. Go ahead, wench," he said, looking very pleased that she had deferred to him as a proper mate should, and moreover, she'd done it naturally, without having to think about it. He was pretty sure she hadn't even realized she'd done so.

Good - deep down where it counts, her mind is finally getting the message... now if I could just get the rest of her to figure it out, he thought, rolling his eyes with a tinge of exasperation for the stubborn Miko his soul had chosen as a mate.

Nodding, she reached into her blouse and pulled the chain with the jar attached from its resting place, and unclasping the chain, held it out in front of everyone. There was a series of loud gasps as everyone saw what Kikyou had known would be there.

The normal pink glow of the purified jewel was weakening - there was a pinpoint of darkness in each fragment.

So far, only a pinpoint, but still....

Kagome's eyes widened and clouded over. "What...?"

Kikyou looked back at her grimly. "This was Naraku's plan all along, Kagome. He finally realized that I am no threat to his control of the jewel. Or at least, only a temporary one." She sighed, before looking around at everyone again, then turned her head and looked off into the distance.

"The truth is, even though I spoke of giving him the whole jewel and then purifying it to destroy him, I cannot do it. Only Kagome can. Naraku figured that out sooner than I was willing to admit it, and that was what his attack on you, Kagome, was all about. If he can make you believe that you are tainted and impure, you will no longer be able to purify the jewel - and he will win, because there will be no one left to stop him."

"Feh! I'll still kick his ass, even if he has the whole damn jewel!"

She shook her head, glancing at Kagome, to see her deep in thought. She looked pained. "No, Inuyasha, I'm afraid not. Only Kagome is any threat to him. You still need to be there, to protect her, but only she can purify the jewel and destroy him. All the rest of us can do is help her."

Sango frowned thoughtfully. "Why is that so, Kikyou? You're basically saying the jewel will only truly respond to Kagome - but that obviously wasn't the case before, since you once were the guardian of the jewel as well. I haven't forgotten that it was the slayers that brought it to you to keep. So what's changed?"

Kiyou nodded as the others looked intrigued. "The fact that I died is what changed. When I passed, and the jewel was burned with my original body, it was reborn inside Kagome, along with my soul, and all the other reincarnated souls that make up who she is. Remember, even Kanna's mirror couldn't take all of her soul, it was too large." She shifted, leaning closer to the fire.

"The responsibility for the jewel passed on at my death - not only that," she said, looking over at Kagome, "but it was reborn inside her body. I never had that link with the jewel, and neither has anyone else..." she trailed off as Sango took over excitedly.

"... not since Midoriko herself!" She looked at the others in sudden understanding. "Basically, Kagome isn't just the guardian of the jewel - she's it's mistress! It will respond to her, just as if she were its creator!"

Kikyou nodded again. "Very good, Sango. Now you all know - while I can find the shards, and even purify them, it's only temporary. Only Kagome can purify it for good and destroy Naraku." She looked at Inuyasha first, to see how he was taking these revelations, noting his unreadable look again... and then over at Kagome. She was pleased to note that the younger girl looked thoughtful still, and not upset.

"That is what Naraku fears - and why he has targeted Kagome."

"Keh. So what the hell do we do about this," he gestured at the shards Kagome was still holding, "if only she can purify them, then where the fuck does that leave us, since obviously, she's now struggling to do so?"

Kagome spoke before Kikyou could - her voice slow, almost mesmerized as she stared deep into the shards she held. "There's nothing you can do, baka. I have to find a way to beat him, and heal myself. The only problem is how?" She looked up at Kikyou. "This kind of... thing - is not something that you can just heal like a broken arm. It takes time - and the willingness to do so." She slowly raised her eyes from the bottle, looking up to stare out into the night. "I'm not sure I want to heal," she said softly, "or that I even can. I want vengeance on him, but I had only thought to that end - not of healing. You don't need to heal to... die."

Inuyasha grabbed her and pulled her into him, growling fiercely and glaring at her. "Don't you EVER say something like that again, wench! I won't let you die for something that bastard did, and for my failure, do you hear me?! You are going to heal, and we are gonna destroy that bastard, and then you and I are gonna live for a very long time together - as mates."

He growled again for emphasis, looking deep into her eyes and ignoring everyone elses fascinated stares. "In case you hadn't noticed, wench, we're already bound together - so if you go, then I go. Mates stay together. Did you want me to die, too?"

Kagome choked at that. "Wh-what?" Bound? She wrenched herself away from him, staring at him in horror. Gods! What do I do? I can't let him die too! But - do I really want to live with these memories for the rest of my life?

And then something else he'd said filtered through, and her eyes widened. "Wait, what do you mean 'for a very long time'?"

"Just what it sounds like, wench. I have a much longer life span than humans, and now, so do you," he said smugly. He smirked over at her, knowing that this was his best weapon in the war to get her back, because he knew that she would never deliberately do anything that could get him killed. This would basically leave her no choice - she'd have to deal with what had happened, and move past it, because he had no intention of letting her go.

Hopefully, now she knew that, too.

Miroku smiled, impressed with the move Inuyasha had just made. He had effectively tied Kagome's hands - she'd have no choice now but to focus on healing, rather than vengeance and dying. And he was fairly certain that as soon as that had sunk in, and she had accepted it, that some of the taint in the shards would begin to dissipate.

Because just getting from one mindset to the other was the biggest hurdle, really, and once there, a great deal of the healing needed would have already been accomplished.

Once again, a silence descended on the camp, as everyone considered the things that had been learned....

....and ways in which the information could be used.

The fire had now burned low, and being a fairly warm night, no one was bothering with stoking it and keeping it going. Pretty much everyone had retired to their beds, leaving Inuyasha and Kikyou still sitting where they had been earlier.

Kikyou looked up. Inuyasha was gazing into the remains of the fire as if no one else even existed. She wondered what he was thinking - not for the first time.

"Inuyasha?"

When he started and looked up at her, she realized he had forgotten her presence.

"I need to speak privately with you, and no," she said, noting his suspicious look, "I'm not trying to cause trouble. There are some things," she glanced around before lowering her voice, that you need to know - but that I don't want anyone else to overhear. It has to do with Kagome, and they don't need to know this, nor would she want them to."

He watched her for a moment, another unreadable look on his face, before nodding once, sharply. "Alright, but I'm not leaving camp unguarded - so we'll just step far enough out to speak without the others hearing, but where I can still see everything."
She nodded. "That's fine, Inuyasha." She smiled at him wryly. "I really am not trying to cause problems between you and Kagome, you know. I know she would get upset when you used to come see me - that's not what I'm after."

"Yeah well... no use taking chances - at least, this way she can see me and know nothing's happening." He followed her to a spot just beyond the edge of the camp. "So what's so important that you needed to drag me off alone, huh?"

"I know that you want Kagome back, and so far, you've done the right things - but really, you're just stumbling blindly through this, and if you don't know what she's remembering, you could make things worse without even realizing it."

She sighed, reaching up and pinching the bridge of her nose as flashes of Kagome's memories left a slight headache in their wake.

She looked back up at him, regarding him steadily. "How much do you love her, Inuyasha? Because what I need to show you will probably be the most awful things you'll ever see - and if you don't love her enough, it could destroy any chance of you being together."

Inuyasha gazed back at her, a bit of anger showing in his eyes. "I love her enough for anything, Kikyou. And I'm beginning to gather what you want to show me - I don't want to see it, but I will if I have to. One thing. Why do I have to?"

"Because this is the only way you will truly understand what she is going through, in a way, you will become a victim, too." She turned and gazed off into the night.

"However, there is another purpose here. Part of Naraku's plan is the destruction of you both, and I have no doubts that he will begin playing with your mind, showing these things to you anyway, in the hopes of shocking you, and overwhelming your mind. I would pull his teeth by doing this, because you would already have had the chance to see and deal with it without being bombarded with those memories suddenly."

"I see." Inuyasha looked down at the ground thoughtfully. "So I was right." He looked back up at her, waiting till she turned back and caught his eye. "Your going to show me her memories - the ones about what happened." He shook his head. "I don't know how we should do this, Kikyou - seeing that, I may transform." He looked at her quizzically. "You've never seen that, have you?"

She shook her head, eyes wide. "Transform?"

"Yeah. You see, if you show me those... memories, I'll feel that as a threat to Kagome, my youkai side won't distinguish between now and past events - and I will attack anything I feel is a threat."

At her shocked silence, he nodded and continued.

"Kagome's the only one I wouldn't harm while in that state, because my youkai would know her as my mate. Everyone else would be expendable to me in protecting what's mine."

"What can we do then?"

"Do you have to be physically touching me?"

"No... as long as I'm in fairly close proximity, why?"

Inuyasha nodded to himself for a moment, before looking back at her. "Tomorrow, once everyone is awake, you, me, and Kagome will go a little away from camp. Once we get to a good place, you will place a barrier around Kagome and I... then you can go ahead. Even if I change, you would then be safe, and Kagome's presence, along with the Tessaiga, should help calm me down."

She looked at him with wide eyes. "Are you sure Kagome will be safe with you in that - state?"

He glanced at her with a tinge of amusement. "Yes. You wouldn't have been, Kikyou, if I had ever transformed back then... my youkai blood hated you because you wanted to destroy it. But Kagome is my mate, and has always accepted all of me - and all of me, accepts her. Simple as that."

Even back then, I never really stood a chance... "So, tomorrow then, after breakfast?"

He nodded. "Much as I'm dreading this, yeah. Tomorrow morning." He turned and walked back over to Kagome, scooped her up in one quick move, sleeping bag and all, then jumped into a tree and was lost to sight.

Kikyou just watched, still standing where he had left her. I understand now... she gave him back what he needed most - his value as a person.

She felt shame writhe through her.

Something I could never have done, because I didn't see him as one.