InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Malice ❯ Entwined Souls: Judaku ( Chapter 18 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Chapter 18: Entwined Souls: Judaku
(Acceptance)

Sesshoumaru, Daiyoukai, and Lord of the Western Lands, sat, back against a tree, and considered the events of the previous day. He had felt not one, but two distinct flares of his brother's youkai, testament to the fact that he'd transformed twice. In one day. It made him wonder.

What could have elicited such a reaction from his half-brother?

It was no secret that Inuyasha feared those transformations, knowing that each time he did, he lost more of himself. But this time, something had been different. He had not felt the - for lack of a better word - animalistic presence that he had the other times he'd transformed. This time, he'd been in control, actually using his beast's strength, but coupling it with his hanyou soul.

And that made the Daiyoukai just a slight bit nervous. After all, only his half-brother had ever come anywhere near besting him in a fight... and that was without his youkai's help. If he had learned to control that side--

Not only that. Whatever had caused it, must have been extremely dangerous - and that left him wanting to know what was happening, because as Lord, he had a responsibility to uphold the peace of his lands. Naraku wandering around was bad enough, but, if there was some new threat, he needed to know about it.

It was time to go look up his younger brother's pack.

"Jaken."

He watched impassively as his servant woke, stuttering and stumbling over himself. "Y-yes, my lord?"

"Take Rin, and return to the shiro. You will keep her safe, or I will kill you."

"Oh, yes my lord! I will not let anything happen to her, you have my promise!"

Rin had by now awoken, and sitting up, she smiled at Sessoumaru. "My lord? I am returning home?"

"Yes, Rin. You are to go with Jaken. Do not stray from his side."

"Yes my lord, Rin will do just as you say!"

Sesshoumaru nodded at her as she grabbed his leg, putting a hand to her head momentarily, then, as she let go, he moved away without a backward glance, knowing that Rin would do exactly as she was told.

I hope you have answers for me, little brother, and that I don't have to fight you to get them. I grow tired of these battles with you... but I will do what I must.

Kagome woke slowly, mind oddly blank. She drifted, for an unknown amount of time, content to simply be. There was no outside, no other, only her, and she reveled in that knowledge, for it gave her peace, a peace that she'd sorely missed in these last months.

She shied away from that last half-formed thought, knowing that if she allowed her mind to really consider the meaning behind it, she'd lose the calm that she was so enjoying. Unfortunately, reality doesn't let a person hide from it for too long, and thus, her mind woke fully in the same instant that she tried to shy away from it, and awareness broke forth inside her.

Sighing, she tried to move... and found that she was tightly held by something, and that something was not willing to let her go.

Inuyasha. Why does he think he needs to hold me so tightly, though? It's not like I'm going to run away or anything, I mean, really! Shaking her head, she began wriggling, hoping to annoy him awake.

There came a deep, growling rumble behind her. "Where do you think you're going, K'gome?"

Kagome closed her eyes, a deep, soul-draining weariness sinking into her consciousness, in direct contrast to her earlier peace.

"Inuyasha, you shouldn't be doing this. Guilt only goes so far, you know." She opened her eyes again, looking straight into his. "I know you feel that all this is your fault... maybe you did leave me, but - I think it would have happened anyway, even if you'd been there."

She sighed quietly, putting a finger to his lips when he tried to speak. "You shouldn't give up the rest of your life, just to keep protecting me. I don't want you tying yourself to me out of a sense of duty and guilt, okay?"

Shoulders slumping, she looked away from the hanyou's angered gaze. Softly, she said, "I just want you to be happy, Inuyasha. It's all I've ever wanted."

He could see the sadness in her eyes - they had always been so expressive - she would never be able to hide herself like most people could. "I am happy, koi - when I'm with you. So stop trying to wriggle away from me, it's not going to work. I like protecting you, being with you, because I love you. And if I have to keep saying it to get you to finally listen to me, then I will." He nuzzled his nose into her shoulder, breathing deeply.

Her aura was once again becoming tinged with darkness, although it was slightly less than before, and he suddenly realized where all this bullshit was coming from.

That little bout of pain relief is finally wearing off, and she's hurting again. Damn.

"Remember, Kagome - last night you promised to fight, so don't think about giving up on me, 'cause I'm not gonna let you."

Pulling her up with him, he stood, and wrapping his arms around her tightly, he hugged her for a moment, then let go. Smiling wryly at her, he shooed her off. "Go, onna, I know you need to go take care of your business... just don't wander out of hearing."

Blushing, she nodded. "Okay." She looked at him through her lashes. "Umm, what are we going to do today?"

"When you get back, we'll eat, then," he glanced at her, smile fading, "we have some things that we need to talk about that we didn't cover last night."

"I understand."

"Go on then, sooner you go, sooner you get back."

As she moved off, he sighed, features setling into a grimace of pain. It hurts - gods it hurts. Is this what she's been living with since it happened? I can barely maintain my sanity, if it weren't for my youkai, I don't think I could. And I never thought I'd be happy about my youkai helping out with anything... guess he's actually capable of more than just killing.

I think I need to draw off a little more poison - If I do it right, she won't even notice. His head dropped into his hands for a moment. I wish... I wish we'd had this bond before - then maybe, I wouldn't have hurt her so much.

He wearily wiped away the tears that were forming. I need to be calm for her sake. Calm. But there's so much pain to draw away... if there was never any other reason to hate myself than this...

It would be enough to make me hate myself for eternity.

Kagome sat back, bathed, fed, and warm, and looked over at Inuyasha. He'd been pretty much silent since she'd come back earlier. She felt much better than she had this morning, but frowning, she realized that he looked worse.

I wonder why?

Shaking her head, she stood and moved closer to him, kneeling down when she reached his side and hesitantly laying her hand on his shoulder. At her light touch, he looked up.

"Are you okay, Inuyasha?"

He sighed, smiling slightly, he laid his hand over hers. "Yeah. When I'm with you, I'm okay." He looked down for a moment, then flicked a glance at her. "Guess it's time for that talk I mentioned earlier, huh?"

She nodded. "I think so."

He suddenly pinned her with a fierce golden gaze. "I know what you talked about with Kikyou the other day, you know." At her sudden confusion, he shook his head, hurt seeping into his eyes. "About you not believing me when I tell you I love you."

She looked away, guilt setting in at the hurt she had seen flash through him. "That's not... exactly what I said," she said, carefully.

He pulled his hand from atop hers and waved it. "Yeah, it pretty much is, Kagome. You think I only love you as a friend, second behind Kikyou." He twisted his head away, a bitter sigh breaking from him. "I guess - I can't blame you for thinking that, it's really my own fault."

He looked back at her again, a ghost of a smile playing over his lips. "That's why we need to talk. You need to understand the bond between us, Kagome. Once you do, then you'll never be able to doubt me again. Because you'll know."

Kagome frowned, looking thoughtful, and Inuyasha wondered just exactly what was running through her mind. "Bond... you and Kikyou both keep talking about this 'bond'. What do you mean?"

He shook his head ruefully at her earnest look. "It figures - I sometimes forget that you're not from this time and you don't know the first thing about youkai. Damn - guess I'll have to start from the beginning." He chuckled darkly. "Give me a minute to get my thoughts straight."

She looked confused for a moment, before shrugging half-heartedly. "Alright." She lifted a brow at him, wondering at his manner. "Well?" she asked, a trace of amusement in her voice, as he still sat, seemingly unable to decide what to say.

He rolled his eyes at her impatience. "Alright already...." he paused for a few seconds, then began. "Have you ever really thought about my - posessiveness, as you always called it? Why I'm that way?" As she tilted her head in confusion touched with annoyance, he continued. "I'm an Inu, koi, and Inu by nature are extremely protective and possessive. Once we choose something to protect, that's it. Anything that gets in our way or tries to take what's ours is done for."

Kagome nodded to herself, not really surprised, then caught his eye as he spoke again.

"I know you weren't there at the time, you'd already taken Rin and run, but do you remember when we were fighting Takemaru and Sou'unga, and you told me I had to fight with Sesshoumaru instead of against him?"

Kagome nodded again, eyes wide. "Yeah..." she looked sad for a moment, "all I could do after you ran off was look for the beads from your necklace, and wonder if we were still connected without them." She looked down, clasping her hands together in her lap. "It hurt to think we might not be."

"That's the point, Kagome. We are connected; but not by that necklace. Anyway, do you know what the last words Takemaru ever heard were? They were about how I could and would never give up - because I had something to protect. It's my bond with you that makes me as strong as I am, Kagome, never forget that."

He sighed. "The thing is, I chose you almost from the first, Kagome. But there were - complications, and so I wasn't able to claim you as I should have done a long time ago. Guess my youkai got tired of waiting around, and decided to bond our souls anyway."

Kagome looked frustrated. "But what does it mean, Inuyasha? Bonded?"

"Just what it says, onna. When a youkai takes a mate, they mark them in two ways. One is by scent. Once the mating is complete, our scents mingle, telling any youkai that you are not available. The second is the bond itself. It links our souls, tying us one to the other... and it can't be broken."

He scooted a little closer to her, catching her gaze and holding it. "We may not have actually mated yet, Kagome, but we have the bond in place, and that means you're already my mate."

He stared at her with a fierce intensity. "Believe me when I tell you this: I will never let you go. Ever. Not for any reason. What I said before, how if you die, I'll follow you? That wasn't just for show, koibito."

He held her gaze, eyes delving deep into her soul. "I meant every word of it."

She stared at the hanyou, completely mesmerized by the look in his eyes, and she was suddenly very sure that she never would be able to get away from him, no matter what she tried. He was looking straight into every corner of her, and she could hide nothing from him.

"One of these days, untenshi, we will complete the mating, and you will be totally mine. I'll wait 'til you're ready for that part of things, but keep it in mind. Someday, hopefully not too much farther into the future, you'll belong to me completely, body and soul."

She looked away shyly, red rushing into her cheeks. She'd never been opened to someone so intimately as she had in that moment. "Do you really mean that?"

He frowned at her. "Yeah, Kagome, I do. There's a reason it's called a soul bond, you know. It only works if both people love each other, more than anything else in life. Humans call it soul mates. If we weren't, and if I really didn't love you, then the bond would never have been able to form. It's just that simple. So you shouldn't ever doubt me when I say that I love you."

"Another thing, koi. Have you noticed that you feel a little better this morning? Inside? How things don't feel quite as dark? That's because I'm using the bond to draw off some of the pain inside you. That's another thing I can do with it. As your mate, it's my responsibility to take care of you, and if that means shouldering some of your pain so that you can heal, then that's what I'll do."

Her eyes still wide with wonder, he watched as a curious look passed through them. "Umm... Inuyasha? How does the bond count as a 'mark', you know, like you mentioned earlier, you said two marks?"

"The bond formed between your miko aura, and my youki. Anyone with spiritual powers, like Miroku, and any youkai, will be able to tell that we're bound, making it the second mark."
He watched her, sitting silently and lost in thought, hair twining around itself almost seductively in the light breeze, and he ached. Ached for his stupidity, the loss of her innocence, and the damaging of her heart. But most of all, he ached at the knowledge that if he had stayed at her side, like he should have done, there would be nothing in between them - she'd already be his mate in every way.

Now, as things were, he would have to wait - and gods only knew for how long.

It wasn't that he wanted to mate with her so much as that he wanted to be mated to her, finalizing the bond between them. As it was at this time, the unfinished status of their mating was actually causing him a great deal of discomfort. Within his youkai blood, there were instincts, very strong ones, and the unfinished nature of the bonding was irritating those instincts badly.

Feh. I always seem to mess up everything good in my life, one way or another. I just seem to make the wrong choices... all the time. He let out his breath in a slow pulse. Guess I gotta pay the piper for making another stupid choice...

Kagome sat, for once feeling mostly calm, and let her mind wander, taking in everything that Inuyasha was telling her. She still felt shamed, and dirtied - but not quite as much as she had.

Now, justifiable anger was beginning to take in the mix of her emotions... and surprisingly, it felt good. She had never considered anger as a good thing, but she was beginning to see that it could be, in the right circumstances.

She still felt that poisonous taint inside her soul, as well. But she didn't flinch away from it this time, she let herself consider it. She took it out, brought it into the light, and really looked at it. And as she did, she began to realize that the poison, the taint, wasn't from Naraku. It was from herself.

She was poisoning her own soul, by denying who and what she was, by allowing what he did to her to take root.

Rape is all about power - and not even so much physical power, but about spiritual power. I am not all that strong, it was no odds that he could dominate and hurt my body. But the only damage he could do to my soul...

Was what I allowed him.

Her anger rose up, only now she was angry at herself, for being so weak and foolish as to not understand something so basic. What a fool I've been! Her eyes narrowed.

Watch out, Naraku... I think you're going to find that it's not as easy as you think to break my soul!

Inuyasha watched with furrowed brow as differing emotions flashed acrossed her face, then as her eyes narrowed in sudden anger, and wondered what exactly she was thinking. Hopefully it was positive, because that last emotion that ran through her expressive gaze sure as hell looked like determination mixed with anger and the will to do battle. He jumped slightly when she spoke, noting the same emotions in her voice.

"What are we doing next? I mean about that rat bastard?"

She glared out at the horizon, and he almost grinned when he saw the spark in her eyes, the spark that was Kagome, the one that had been missing for so long.

"I think we've been just going with the flow of things for far too long, Inuyasha. He sneaks around and makes plans, just like the spider that he is, and we jump to his tune."

Her eyes narrowed again, and she turned a fiery gaze on him. "I think it's time for us to do some planning and make him dance to our tune. He can't have it all his own way."

She smacked a closed fist into her open palm. "Not anymore."

"Well, I agree with you there," he drawled out sardonically, "but I think we need to wait 'til we're back with the others to start plotting, koi. This time here is about us. So do you have anymore questions about that situation?"

Kagome blinked, startled, as he reached over and laid his palm along her cheek gently, lovingly, smiling at her softly before pulling his hand away.

"Actually, yeah, I do. You said that I'm feeling better today because you're using this link to give me some breathing room, right?" At his nod, she continued. "How long can you do this, Inuyasha, before it becomes too much for you? I won't deny, I like it, because it helps," her eyes closed momentarily before opening again, "more than you can ever know, but I don't want you to overdo it. We need you, Inu - I need you."

He looked down for a moment, then looked back up at her, an expression of inhuman determination mixed with absolute devotion on his face. "For you, koi, I can do anything, for as long as you need me to. You don't have to carry this burden alone, Kagome, or any other for that matter, ever again." He leaned close to her and laid his forehead against hers, eyes closed and a half smile on his face.

"There is no 'you' and 'me' anymore, joudama: there is only 'us'. Remember that."

She closed her eyes, and as the seconds ticked by, a new look of peace and hope crossed her face, followed by acceptance and understanding.

Pulling away from him, she sighed, then smiled at him tenderly, finally allowing all the love and devotion she had in her soul for him shine through. As his breath caught, she ran her hand through his bangs, fingers delicately sweeping his skin.

"I accept, Inuyasha." A brilliant, blinding smile crossed her face. "Us. Always and forever us, mate."

Deep in the heart of the shards of the shikon no tama, a new awareness began to pulse. No longer is there only one, she who is the physical manifestation of itself, but now there is another, and yet, that other is also, she, somehow. One, and yet, not. But the crystalline awareness of the jewel itself saw that this was good. It was right. Willingly, it allowed a new link to be forged, deep within the mind of the one known as Inuyasha.

(It is good. Now we are not alone.)

But all was not well. For also, trapped within the awareness known as the shikon, there was an evil, and an evil that was not pleased. It had enjoyed the slow taint that had invaded its prison, and was angered that that had slowed, and finally stopped. It had almost won it's war against the awareness of purity that was also within the jewel, until the addition of this new mind. Because now, the purity was beginning to once again hold it's own, and soon, would begin to push back against the evil.

(We are one again, not fragmented in awareness. Now all that remains is to become physically whole once again, then we can become pure, as should always have been.)

The shikon jewel pulsed, sending it's approval of the link that had been forged to all it's fragments. That energy passed through all those who held a shard - causing, for the first time, true consternation in the heart of the one known as Naraku.

(He does not understand the truth of what we are. That is why, in the end, he will fall to she who is us.)

A whisper of pleasure flashed through the jewel shards, as the mind of Kagome became irrevocably linked with Inuyasha for all eternity.

It was the beginning of the end of the evil within, and the evil without.

Japanese terms used in this chapter:

Shiro=castle

Onna=woman

meito=mate

joudama=pretty lady