InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Memories, Lost and Found ❯ Unforgiven ( Chapter 1 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: HimeAndi 
Sesshomaru and his father are not close, yet the boy wants to have his fathers pride and affection. Then he discovers just how much his father loves him. When he turns 50, Sesshomaru's life changes forever...
Originating Imge here:
http://www.mediaminer.org/fanart/view.php/172180
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Hentai / Drama | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 06.20.2005 | Updated On: 06.20.2005 | Pages: 2 | Words: 3.7K | Visits: 1.0K | Status: Completed
Sesshomaru and his father are not close, yet the boy wants to have his fathers pride and affection. Then he discovers just how much his father loves him. When he turns 50, Sesshomaru's life changes forever...
Originating Imge here:
http://www.mediaminer.org/fanart/view.php/172180
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Hentai / Drama | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 06.20.2005 | Updated On: 06.20.2005 | Pages: 2 | Words: 3.7K | Visits: 1.0K | Status: Completed
He was only fifty when he experienced death for the first time. It was not a parent or a loved one who died. He was the one who had died, on a night not long after his birthday.
To human eyes, he looked a little over twelve. He was far older, and he was a little wiser for these years. However he was still very young for his kind, and naïve in many ways. One thing he was unaware of was the beauty he was growing to be. He knew it was often remarked that he was his mothers double, but he took that to be symbolic. He had her markings, and he was more delicate in both stature and in his facial structure than his father. His father's hair was whiter, while his own was more silver.
His mother had died birthing him, but in the ways of his kind, he'd known her even in the womb. He'd known her face and her voice. He knew her scent, and the pace of her steps. He'd felt her die before his father ripped him from her belly and turned his back to his mate, thrusting his son's premature body at the midwife with orders to be sure he lived or die herself.
Obviously the woman had succeeded, and he'd even thrived despite the traumatic birth. No one would ever know he'd been born much too soon. No one would even know that his father had gone to such lengths to make sure his son would survive either because the Inutaisho rarely looked at his young son Sesshomaru with anything other than cold hard eyes. The boys name fell from the father's lips like a curse, when it was uttered at all. However, there were some moments of closeness...
One of those moments occurred when he was still crawling. Sesshomaru had crept away from his nurses and found his fathers garden; he'd crawled about and in the time honored way of babies, chewed on everything he could reach. He'd rolled in the sand of the meditation area and finally curled up under a bush to sleep after his adventure. His nurses were frantic to find him, for after the midwife had been threatened on the day of his birth, the puppy's safety and education was paramount in the castle.
The Lord heard the fuss his son's absence caused and retreated to his garden to escape the uproar. He may have been worried, or he may not have cared; his face revealed nothing to any who glimpsed it in passing. He closed the doors to his rooms with a quiet snap and then paused on the porch.
Flower petals and gnawed leaves were scattered under his personally trimmed and cared for plants. He could see an unusual trail tracking all over the place, and his nose told him who had left it. He didn't bother to hide the smile that twitched his lips as he scanned for the puppy visually, slowly walking to the center of the quiet garden. He caught a flash of silver hair and the infants scent under the kudzu vines, and pulled back the branches covering Sesshomaru's tiny striped body. Chuckling, the Inutaisho scooped him up and stood looking down at his peaceful face. He stood like that for a long time, perfectly still and watching the boy breathe, how he shifted now and then and smacked his lips, possibly dreaming of milk from his wet-nurses breast. Finally he looked up and moved to sit under a tree, tucking the pup closer to his chest.
That was how the weeping nurses found them later, having been unable to find the Inutaisho's son anywhere in the castle. Their shock to see the infant safe in his own father's arms was almost comical, until the Lords golden eyes opened upon them. The women trembled and fell to their faces as Sesshomaru also opened his eyes and yawned, revealing his white milk teeth. A barked command brought the wet-nurse scurrying to unburden the Tai-youkai's arms of the infant.
The next day she recruited replacements for the errant nurses who had mislaid the puppy so carelessly and paid dearly for their neglect.
By the time the boy was closing in on fifty, the gateway to puberty for Inu-youkai, Sesshomaru had developed a fierce loyalty to his father despite the fact that the Inutaisho had little time for his offspring. He did make time during holidays and seasonal changes to be with Sesshomaru and show him how Inu-youkai celebrated the important traditions of their kind, but he was rarely even seen by the boy, nor were they often in each other's presence. The retainers and tutors also instilled a sense of his importance as his father's son and his duty to his father and their blood.
Now he was fifty, and was now considered to be on the cusp of adulthood. He'd grown a great deal in the last two years alone, and thanks to his training he could handle a sword well and could fight bare handed. He learned how to transform with a minimum of energy expenditure and how to use his altered forms natural weapons and speed to decimate an opponent. In more civil arts he also did well; his calligraphy was advanced, and his poetry and prose was considered excellent. He could control his facial expression for all but humor; the young youkai often found things humorous and was reprimanded for smirking at amusing things. It was not seemly for a prince to chuckle and smirk at any little thing.
But while he was very good at these things, Sesshomaru was not the expert his retainers and father wanted him to be. He was just a little unfocused, a little bit less than utterly ambitious, and felt that his skills were adequate, that along with his powers and his family name he would be respected more than enough once he was in society.
His birthday was a festive occasion, when many dignitaries from other Inu-youkai clans and family members, as well as even other demonic clans visiting to pay homage to the Inutaisho's offspring. Of course these groups simply hoped to gain some small amount of favor for praising the taiyoukai's family, but they all were honestly amazed by the boy.
Despite being a lackluster student in fighting and the arts, Sesshomaru excelled compared to so many of the other young youkai his age. Whether it was because he was his fathers son, born to superior grace and power, or if he was simply trained by better instructors was not known. That the boy impressed when asked to perform little feats for the guest's amusement was what was important. The boy basked in his father's proud gaze, and the admiration of the guests.
His looks were certainly a topic for many of the guests. From open admiration to barely restrained desire, they all agreed that the child would become an exceptionally beauty one day. For his own part, Sesshomaru was confused by the flirtatious looks from male and female alike; he was almost completely ignorant about sex and mating, but he did feel instinctively that the looks promised something very pleasant if he dared to follow those who beckoned from doorways and dark corners.
The Inutaisho put a quick halt to the daydreams of the fawning guests; his son was not to be touched by anyone. His cold gold eyes expressed his seriousness about this, and so Sesshomaru remained unmolested by the guests, although the flirting continued. After three days, the boy grew tired of the attention and retreated to his rooms most of the time, and as he usually did during his free time he read or drew his days away.
Finally the guests left, but his fame as a powerful and beautiful child who would certainly grow to be taiyoukai like his father was already started.
----------
His father had not really looked at his son for years. He knew what the boy looked like, but the whispers and the attention the youngster had received made the Inutaisho really take a look at him for the first time in years. The father was stunned to see not his son's face but his long dead mates face on the slender frame of a child on the brink of puberty; although it was doubtful that the boy would remain so girlishly pretty once he began to change. Still, Sesshomaru was always going to be slender, not broad of build like Inutaisho himself was; this like his face was also inherited from his mother. His markings, his silver hair, his ironic chuckle, all worked together to make the older youkai feel that he was watching a ghost rather than a living boy. He remembered that his mate had been fifty when she was sent to this very castle to grow up with his family until she was of age so they could marry. The recollection was not welcome.
After this silent and secret inspection of Sesshomaru, the Inutaisho fell into a strange and silent mood. He was given to fits of temper that had the palace staff trembling in terror. His patience was nearly non-existent, baffling but accepted by the staff. He'd always been rather forgiving and kind to his underlings, more so than most youkai lords were with their own families. Those who suffered his temper were baffled but too loyal to flee; after all, the lord owned their lives, and it was better to die by his hand to satisfy him than to flee and die like vermin.
Sometimes the taiyoukai felt confused himself. He knew why he was so angry, on edge.
It was because of the dream. The dream of his lost mate.
Every night, over and over he saw her in the darkness behind his eyelids, beckoning him to her. When he drew near, she handed him the squirming bloody body of their newborn son, her belly gaping open from where his own claws had ripped into her to save their child. 'Take him, keep him." she said, her body rotting and becoming a skeleton with silver hair. He backed away from her and turned from the unwelcome, horrific sight of her decaying form, holding the struggling infant in his arms, only to find that Sesshomaru was growing quickly, becoming a fifty year old boy in a mere moment.
'Take me, keep me, sire." Sesshomaru whispered, his eyes begging his father for something. The youkai embraced the child and kissed his forehead, bitterly disappointed that he held his son and not his mate, as lust awakened like a monster in his belly. He woke up right then every time, as Sesshomaru murmured 'Take me, keep me," over and over.
Lying on his bed, shivering as the lust woke with him, the youkai pondered the dream. What did it mean? He did not understand it, could ascribe no meaning to any of it. As the nights wore on, he slept less and less, unwilling to admit the dream disturbed and frightened him. The lack of sleep began to play with his mind, and of course his short temper grew worse.
Along with the sleeplessness, he felt the urgent need to relieve the sexual tension in his belly. He'd rarely taken anyone to his bed since his mate died; he wasn't sure why, it just did not appeal to him. After a week of almost no sleep, he called for a girl he'd taken before a few times but even though he used her repeatedly all night, he felt worse, not better. The girl was exhausted and in pain from the constant sexual activity of just one night, and she needed two weeks to recover.
Eventually the Inutaisho realized he had to flee his castle to try and meditate on what could be destroying his peace of mind this way. He left orders for his retainers and asked to see his son. The boy showed up promptly, bowing correctly and hiding his shock at the sight of his father with some effort. The older demon was pale with sunken eyes, his scent soured and prickling the boy's nose. Inutaisho's gaze bored into him then swept over his form as if trying to burn his appearance into his memory
'You wanted to see me, sire?" Sesshomaru said hesitantly; what was wrong with his father?
'Sesshomaru. I am leaving for a while. I want you to help with the castle, listen to the retainers and learn from them while I am away." The older youkai's eyes began to soften a little as he drank in the boy's beauty; it soothed his weary heart to see the boy. He almost thought he should delay his leaving, or take the boy with him, it was so comforting. He was barely aware of rising and coming to stand before the baffled Sesshomaru. He stroked a plump cheek and smiled. Sesshomaru's eyes widened; the smile should have made him happy, but he felt a sickly prickling in his belly instead. He was so confused, what was going on here?
'Make me proud, my child." The boy felt the backs of his fathers fingers stroke his cheek and the sick feeling left. His heart warmed and he couldn't help a little smirk, fangs showing for an instant.
'I will sire... father." He said proudly; his father did care, and he had faith in him, so he was going to work as hard as he could to make that pride grow.
'I know you will Sesshomaru." The Inutaisho licked his lips, and seemed about to say or do something more, but he nodded to the door instead. 'You may go now." This kindly dismissal was baffling but the boy didn't care. It was all he could do not to hug his father rather than bow and walk out. Once in his room he grinned and ran in a circle, thrilled to finally be growing close to his father.
----------
The Inutaisho stayed away from his castle for only one month. He visited a cousin's castle, and found he could not service the women who came to him, hoping for his favor or even a child of his blood. He told them he was not interested, but the fact was he knew as soon as the females entered the room that he'd not be able to become aroused. None of them moved him. None of them were what he wanted; if you asked him what he wanted he'd be unable to describe it, but that was hardly the point. He would rather be spared explaining himself, and he wanted to rest, though he'd never admit that he needed rest. He was the Inutaisho, Tai-youkai, supreme among the Inu-youkai.
Instead, he politely told his host he was not there for carnal pleasures and could the serving wenches and courtesans please be told to restrain themselves.
He sat for hours in the meditation gardens. He moon gazed until the slender crescent disappeared entirely, leaving a black face demonic eyes had no trouble finding in the star-filled night. He preferred the crescent, which reminded him of his son... His mate, not his son...
Scowling with anger and confusion, the youkai lord left his cousins castle and disappeared into the forests, leaving his servants with written orders to return home and leave him alone.
---------
Sesshomaru found his fathers orders hard to follow, but he applied himself more than he'd ever done before, in the newborn hope that his father would continue to be pleased with him. He spent half of his mornings with his swordmaster, and the other half with a hand-combat trainer who often worried for his life because his student could never seem to avoid being struck. Even if he was only teaching the boy to fight and to gain speed and dexterity, that student was the only son of the Inutaisho. Sesshomaru's hide was more precious than gold and the trainer knew it; that was why he winced and almost fainted whenever he got through the young youkai's guard.
He winced often, which might be why he was the only youkai in all Nippon who had a stomach ulcer.
Before his father left for this trip, Sesshomaru would have a light meal and then he would spend time with his tutors, learning to read, speak properly, write poetry, and other 'important" things. He would be given a few hours before the final meal time to do as he pleased with himself. Usually that meant being alone, or dreaming of another life, hidden in the boughs of one of his father's trees. His dreams were of a warmer father, of having a mother, siblings, of not being the lord's son at all. He didn't want the endless responsibility his father had, he didn't understand why he had to work so hard all the time, and stop smiling, and be so serious and restrained.
Now that the retainers had been ordered to train Sesshomaru to run the castle in his father's absence, he spent hours listening to the older youkai, struggling to keep up as they loped from place to place, enforcing his fathers rule and gathering taxes and tributes. He learned how the castle ran, the workings behind the scenes, how food was bough with money, and how the servants were to be handled. All in all he was fascinated but also bored quickly. He wanted to please but he missed his free hours badly.
His father was to return in one month, but the Inutaisho did not appear after four weeks, nor five, nor six. Though the staff acted calm, and unconcerned, Sesshomaru felt the tension and worry in the youkai around him. When the messenger the retainer sent to the castle his father was supposed to be staying at came back with the news that the Inutaisho had not been there for weeks. The workings of the estate did not falter, but the young son of the estate's lord was nervous and upset. Did this mean his father did not want to see him, view his attempts to please him in the running of the lands?
Hiding his worry and fear was hard, but also all part of pleasing his absent parent...
~~~~~~~~~~
Finally, after two months absence, the Inutaisho appeared again, on foot and looking a bit out of sorts. No one had ever seen him so disheveled, and he did not take even a moment to inspect the castle. He went straight to his rooms and sealed himself in. Sesshomaru waited in his rooms to be summoned to his father, but no one came for him, he sat alone at the table for the last meal of the day, and finally decided to take a bath before bed.
Wearing just a thing robe over his bare skin, Sesshomaru padded to the bath, and then paused inside the large enclosed, stone-walled room. The attendants were gone... unusual but not a problem. Sesshomaru could bathe himself easily enough. In fact, he realized he'd rather be alone in his depression. He wrestled the tub cover back, squinting as the room filled with steam. Yes, alone was best. He did not want to have the attendants look at him pityingly. Everyone knew his father had not called for him, his own son, whom was assigned to be a retainer during his absence.
Sliding into the water, the boy pouted, pondering what was wrong with him that is father did not want nor care for him. Immediately the answer came to him; Sesshomaru was a failure. He was not fast, or strong, he was a weak swordsman, he didn't excel at any of his studies. The young youkai's shoulders drooped; why should the Inutaisho care about such a son as he? His mother had died to birth him, and he'd failed to live up to her hopes for him! Sesshomaru punched the water then spluttered as the water doused his face; he had to try harder! He'd done well as a retainer, he could surely improve in his studies too. Even though he'd only been soaking for ten minutes, the boy hopped out of the water; he had to go to bed and rest. He had to be ready to bear down for his father tomorrow. He had to gain the older youkai's regard, and quickly.
'What if next time he leaves, he doesn't want to come back, ever? Because of me! I can't allow that I have to prove myself!" Sesshomaru said to himself as he dried off, and then stepped into his hakama, intending to tie them quickly and hurry to his rooms when a cold draft swirled through the room, carrying his fathers scent with it. The boy spun around and stood, hands on the hakama ties he'd not yet finished tying. His fathers face, his oddly musky scent, his whole demeanor was making the boy's hackles rise, which was making him feel confused. His father may not have always been close, but he'd also never harmed Sesshomaru, not even a slap for impertinence. Yet his instinct was telling him to flee, to run from his father as he would from a dire enemy...
To human eyes, he looked a little over twelve. He was far older, and he was a little wiser for these years. However he was still very young for his kind, and naïve in many ways. One thing he was unaware of was the beauty he was growing to be. He knew it was often remarked that he was his mothers double, but he took that to be symbolic. He had her markings, and he was more delicate in both stature and in his facial structure than his father. His father's hair was whiter, while his own was more silver.
His mother had died birthing him, but in the ways of his kind, he'd known her even in the womb. He'd known her face and her voice. He knew her scent, and the pace of her steps. He'd felt her die before his father ripped him from her belly and turned his back to his mate, thrusting his son's premature body at the midwife with orders to be sure he lived or die herself.
Obviously the woman had succeeded, and he'd even thrived despite the traumatic birth. No one would ever know he'd been born much too soon. No one would even know that his father had gone to such lengths to make sure his son would survive either because the Inutaisho rarely looked at his young son Sesshomaru with anything other than cold hard eyes. The boys name fell from the father's lips like a curse, when it was uttered at all. However, there were some moments of closeness...
One of those moments occurred when he was still crawling. Sesshomaru had crept away from his nurses and found his fathers garden; he'd crawled about and in the time honored way of babies, chewed on everything he could reach. He'd rolled in the sand of the meditation area and finally curled up under a bush to sleep after his adventure. His nurses were frantic to find him, for after the midwife had been threatened on the day of his birth, the puppy's safety and education was paramount in the castle.
The Lord heard the fuss his son's absence caused and retreated to his garden to escape the uproar. He may have been worried, or he may not have cared; his face revealed nothing to any who glimpsed it in passing. He closed the doors to his rooms with a quiet snap and then paused on the porch.
Flower petals and gnawed leaves were scattered under his personally trimmed and cared for plants. He could see an unusual trail tracking all over the place, and his nose told him who had left it. He didn't bother to hide the smile that twitched his lips as he scanned for the puppy visually, slowly walking to the center of the quiet garden. He caught a flash of silver hair and the infants scent under the kudzu vines, and pulled back the branches covering Sesshomaru's tiny striped body. Chuckling, the Inutaisho scooped him up and stood looking down at his peaceful face. He stood like that for a long time, perfectly still and watching the boy breathe, how he shifted now and then and smacked his lips, possibly dreaming of milk from his wet-nurses breast. Finally he looked up and moved to sit under a tree, tucking the pup closer to his chest.
That was how the weeping nurses found them later, having been unable to find the Inutaisho's son anywhere in the castle. Their shock to see the infant safe in his own father's arms was almost comical, until the Lords golden eyes opened upon them. The women trembled and fell to their faces as Sesshomaru also opened his eyes and yawned, revealing his white milk teeth. A barked command brought the wet-nurse scurrying to unburden the Tai-youkai's arms of the infant.
The next day she recruited replacements for the errant nurses who had mislaid the puppy so carelessly and paid dearly for their neglect.
By the time the boy was closing in on fifty, the gateway to puberty for Inu-youkai, Sesshomaru had developed a fierce loyalty to his father despite the fact that the Inutaisho had little time for his offspring. He did make time during holidays and seasonal changes to be with Sesshomaru and show him how Inu-youkai celebrated the important traditions of their kind, but he was rarely even seen by the boy, nor were they often in each other's presence. The retainers and tutors also instilled a sense of his importance as his father's son and his duty to his father and their blood.
Now he was fifty, and was now considered to be on the cusp of adulthood. He'd grown a great deal in the last two years alone, and thanks to his training he could handle a sword well and could fight bare handed. He learned how to transform with a minimum of energy expenditure and how to use his altered forms natural weapons and speed to decimate an opponent. In more civil arts he also did well; his calligraphy was advanced, and his poetry and prose was considered excellent. He could control his facial expression for all but humor; the young youkai often found things humorous and was reprimanded for smirking at amusing things. It was not seemly for a prince to chuckle and smirk at any little thing.
But while he was very good at these things, Sesshomaru was not the expert his retainers and father wanted him to be. He was just a little unfocused, a little bit less than utterly ambitious, and felt that his skills were adequate, that along with his powers and his family name he would be respected more than enough once he was in society.
His birthday was a festive occasion, when many dignitaries from other Inu-youkai clans and family members, as well as even other demonic clans visiting to pay homage to the Inutaisho's offspring. Of course these groups simply hoped to gain some small amount of favor for praising the taiyoukai's family, but they all were honestly amazed by the boy.
Despite being a lackluster student in fighting and the arts, Sesshomaru excelled compared to so many of the other young youkai his age. Whether it was because he was his fathers son, born to superior grace and power, or if he was simply trained by better instructors was not known. That the boy impressed when asked to perform little feats for the guest's amusement was what was important. The boy basked in his father's proud gaze, and the admiration of the guests.
His looks were certainly a topic for many of the guests. From open admiration to barely restrained desire, they all agreed that the child would become an exceptionally beauty one day. For his own part, Sesshomaru was confused by the flirtatious looks from male and female alike; he was almost completely ignorant about sex and mating, but he did feel instinctively that the looks promised something very pleasant if he dared to follow those who beckoned from doorways and dark corners.
The Inutaisho put a quick halt to the daydreams of the fawning guests; his son was not to be touched by anyone. His cold gold eyes expressed his seriousness about this, and so Sesshomaru remained unmolested by the guests, although the flirting continued. After three days, the boy grew tired of the attention and retreated to his rooms most of the time, and as he usually did during his free time he read or drew his days away.
Finally the guests left, but his fame as a powerful and beautiful child who would certainly grow to be taiyoukai like his father was already started.
----------
His father had not really looked at his son for years. He knew what the boy looked like, but the whispers and the attention the youngster had received made the Inutaisho really take a look at him for the first time in years. The father was stunned to see not his son's face but his long dead mates face on the slender frame of a child on the brink of puberty; although it was doubtful that the boy would remain so girlishly pretty once he began to change. Still, Sesshomaru was always going to be slender, not broad of build like Inutaisho himself was; this like his face was also inherited from his mother. His markings, his silver hair, his ironic chuckle, all worked together to make the older youkai feel that he was watching a ghost rather than a living boy. He remembered that his mate had been fifty when she was sent to this very castle to grow up with his family until she was of age so they could marry. The recollection was not welcome.
After this silent and secret inspection of Sesshomaru, the Inutaisho fell into a strange and silent mood. He was given to fits of temper that had the palace staff trembling in terror. His patience was nearly non-existent, baffling but accepted by the staff. He'd always been rather forgiving and kind to his underlings, more so than most youkai lords were with their own families. Those who suffered his temper were baffled but too loyal to flee; after all, the lord owned their lives, and it was better to die by his hand to satisfy him than to flee and die like vermin.
Sometimes the taiyoukai felt confused himself. He knew why he was so angry, on edge.
It was because of the dream. The dream of his lost mate.
Every night, over and over he saw her in the darkness behind his eyelids, beckoning him to her. When he drew near, she handed him the squirming bloody body of their newborn son, her belly gaping open from where his own claws had ripped into her to save their child. 'Take him, keep him." she said, her body rotting and becoming a skeleton with silver hair. He backed away from her and turned from the unwelcome, horrific sight of her decaying form, holding the struggling infant in his arms, only to find that Sesshomaru was growing quickly, becoming a fifty year old boy in a mere moment.
'Take me, keep me, sire." Sesshomaru whispered, his eyes begging his father for something. The youkai embraced the child and kissed his forehead, bitterly disappointed that he held his son and not his mate, as lust awakened like a monster in his belly. He woke up right then every time, as Sesshomaru murmured 'Take me, keep me," over and over.
Lying on his bed, shivering as the lust woke with him, the youkai pondered the dream. What did it mean? He did not understand it, could ascribe no meaning to any of it. As the nights wore on, he slept less and less, unwilling to admit the dream disturbed and frightened him. The lack of sleep began to play with his mind, and of course his short temper grew worse.
Along with the sleeplessness, he felt the urgent need to relieve the sexual tension in his belly. He'd rarely taken anyone to his bed since his mate died; he wasn't sure why, it just did not appeal to him. After a week of almost no sleep, he called for a girl he'd taken before a few times but even though he used her repeatedly all night, he felt worse, not better. The girl was exhausted and in pain from the constant sexual activity of just one night, and she needed two weeks to recover.
Eventually the Inutaisho realized he had to flee his castle to try and meditate on what could be destroying his peace of mind this way. He left orders for his retainers and asked to see his son. The boy showed up promptly, bowing correctly and hiding his shock at the sight of his father with some effort. The older demon was pale with sunken eyes, his scent soured and prickling the boy's nose. Inutaisho's gaze bored into him then swept over his form as if trying to burn his appearance into his memory
'You wanted to see me, sire?" Sesshomaru said hesitantly; what was wrong with his father?
'Sesshomaru. I am leaving for a while. I want you to help with the castle, listen to the retainers and learn from them while I am away." The older youkai's eyes began to soften a little as he drank in the boy's beauty; it soothed his weary heart to see the boy. He almost thought he should delay his leaving, or take the boy with him, it was so comforting. He was barely aware of rising and coming to stand before the baffled Sesshomaru. He stroked a plump cheek and smiled. Sesshomaru's eyes widened; the smile should have made him happy, but he felt a sickly prickling in his belly instead. He was so confused, what was going on here?
'Make me proud, my child." The boy felt the backs of his fathers fingers stroke his cheek and the sick feeling left. His heart warmed and he couldn't help a little smirk, fangs showing for an instant.
'I will sire... father." He said proudly; his father did care, and he had faith in him, so he was going to work as hard as he could to make that pride grow.
'I know you will Sesshomaru." The Inutaisho licked his lips, and seemed about to say or do something more, but he nodded to the door instead. 'You may go now." This kindly dismissal was baffling but the boy didn't care. It was all he could do not to hug his father rather than bow and walk out. Once in his room he grinned and ran in a circle, thrilled to finally be growing close to his father.
----------
The Inutaisho stayed away from his castle for only one month. He visited a cousin's castle, and found he could not service the women who came to him, hoping for his favor or even a child of his blood. He told them he was not interested, but the fact was he knew as soon as the females entered the room that he'd not be able to become aroused. None of them moved him. None of them were what he wanted; if you asked him what he wanted he'd be unable to describe it, but that was hardly the point. He would rather be spared explaining himself, and he wanted to rest, though he'd never admit that he needed rest. He was the Inutaisho, Tai-youkai, supreme among the Inu-youkai.
Instead, he politely told his host he was not there for carnal pleasures and could the serving wenches and courtesans please be told to restrain themselves.
He sat for hours in the meditation gardens. He moon gazed until the slender crescent disappeared entirely, leaving a black face demonic eyes had no trouble finding in the star-filled night. He preferred the crescent, which reminded him of his son... His mate, not his son...
Scowling with anger and confusion, the youkai lord left his cousins castle and disappeared into the forests, leaving his servants with written orders to return home and leave him alone.
---------
Sesshomaru found his fathers orders hard to follow, but he applied himself more than he'd ever done before, in the newborn hope that his father would continue to be pleased with him. He spent half of his mornings with his swordmaster, and the other half with a hand-combat trainer who often worried for his life because his student could never seem to avoid being struck. Even if he was only teaching the boy to fight and to gain speed and dexterity, that student was the only son of the Inutaisho. Sesshomaru's hide was more precious than gold and the trainer knew it; that was why he winced and almost fainted whenever he got through the young youkai's guard.
He winced often, which might be why he was the only youkai in all Nippon who had a stomach ulcer.
Before his father left for this trip, Sesshomaru would have a light meal and then he would spend time with his tutors, learning to read, speak properly, write poetry, and other 'important" things. He would be given a few hours before the final meal time to do as he pleased with himself. Usually that meant being alone, or dreaming of another life, hidden in the boughs of one of his father's trees. His dreams were of a warmer father, of having a mother, siblings, of not being the lord's son at all. He didn't want the endless responsibility his father had, he didn't understand why he had to work so hard all the time, and stop smiling, and be so serious and restrained.
Now that the retainers had been ordered to train Sesshomaru to run the castle in his father's absence, he spent hours listening to the older youkai, struggling to keep up as they loped from place to place, enforcing his fathers rule and gathering taxes and tributes. He learned how the castle ran, the workings behind the scenes, how food was bough with money, and how the servants were to be handled. All in all he was fascinated but also bored quickly. He wanted to please but he missed his free hours badly.
His father was to return in one month, but the Inutaisho did not appear after four weeks, nor five, nor six. Though the staff acted calm, and unconcerned, Sesshomaru felt the tension and worry in the youkai around him. When the messenger the retainer sent to the castle his father was supposed to be staying at came back with the news that the Inutaisho had not been there for weeks. The workings of the estate did not falter, but the young son of the estate's lord was nervous and upset. Did this mean his father did not want to see him, view his attempts to please him in the running of the lands?
Hiding his worry and fear was hard, but also all part of pleasing his absent parent...
~~~~~~~~~~
Finally, after two months absence, the Inutaisho appeared again, on foot and looking a bit out of sorts. No one had ever seen him so disheveled, and he did not take even a moment to inspect the castle. He went straight to his rooms and sealed himself in. Sesshomaru waited in his rooms to be summoned to his father, but no one came for him, he sat alone at the table for the last meal of the day, and finally decided to take a bath before bed.
Wearing just a thing robe over his bare skin, Sesshomaru padded to the bath, and then paused inside the large enclosed, stone-walled room. The attendants were gone... unusual but not a problem. Sesshomaru could bathe himself easily enough. In fact, he realized he'd rather be alone in his depression. He wrestled the tub cover back, squinting as the room filled with steam. Yes, alone was best. He did not want to have the attendants look at him pityingly. Everyone knew his father had not called for him, his own son, whom was assigned to be a retainer during his absence.
Sliding into the water, the boy pouted, pondering what was wrong with him that is father did not want nor care for him. Immediately the answer came to him; Sesshomaru was a failure. He was not fast, or strong, he was a weak swordsman, he didn't excel at any of his studies. The young youkai's shoulders drooped; why should the Inutaisho care about such a son as he? His mother had died to birth him, and he'd failed to live up to her hopes for him! Sesshomaru punched the water then spluttered as the water doused his face; he had to try harder! He'd done well as a retainer, he could surely improve in his studies too. Even though he'd only been soaking for ten minutes, the boy hopped out of the water; he had to go to bed and rest. He had to be ready to bear down for his father tomorrow. He had to gain the older youkai's regard, and quickly.
'What if next time he leaves, he doesn't want to come back, ever? Because of me! I can't allow that I have to prove myself!" Sesshomaru said to himself as he dried off, and then stepped into his hakama, intending to tie them quickly and hurry to his rooms when a cold draft swirled through the room, carrying his fathers scent with it. The boy spun around and stood, hands on the hakama ties he'd not yet finished tying. His fathers face, his oddly musky scent, his whole demeanor was making the boy's hackles rise, which was making him feel confused. His father may not have always been close, but he'd also never harmed Sesshomaru, not even a slap for impertinence. Yet his instinct was telling him to flee, to run from his father as he would from a dire enemy...