InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Metamorphosis ❯ Shatter ( Chapter 20 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: King Baka 
Kagome is in trouble again.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Suspense / Romance / Hentai / Adventure | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 03.07.2009 | Updated On: 01.08.2011 | Pages: 3 | Words: 5.3K | Visits: 3.4K | Status: Completed
Kagome is in trouble again.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Suspense / Romance / Hentai / Adventure | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 03.07.2009 | Updated On: 01.08.2011 | Pages: 3 | Words: 5.3K | Visits: 3.4K | Status: Completed
Disclaimer: I don’t own Inuyasha or any of the publicly known characters, plot, etc. I’m just renting them from Rumiko Takahashi, Viz, etc. I do own the plot of this story and any original characters I’ve created. I will make no money from this fic; I write for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of my readers.
Fanfiction of the Week: “The Game He Played,” by Selina MacCloveror
Selina just posted this one-shot the other day. It’s an AU, with plenty of intense lemonade and a great twist at the end.
youkaineko: you are right, of course. I could have worded this better. It’s like a normal dagger in that it can cut you, but if you stab it into a person fully it doesn’t make a wound. That’s when, and only when, the special powers take effect. As to what it looks like, just use your imagination.
Karaumea: wow, you must be reading my mind. You were 100% right on with your review. Thanks!
Shatter
“I lied.”
Upon hearing those two dreadful words, the remnants of Kagome’s fractured heart shattered into countless pieces. It was a gut check, one which tore the breath from her lungs and the life from her soul. And with the demise of her heart went the only thing keeping her from recognizing the reality of the situation. Inuyasha didn’t accept her. He didn’t love her; he didn’t even like her. Who knows, perhaps he even hated her. He had given her an ultimatum, not in as many words but still clear as day: ‘change back into a human or go live in your time, and never return to the past.’ Briefly, she considered acquiescing to his demand, changing herself to be what he wanted her to be. But it wasn’t that simple anymore. Could she ever look at him the same way again? Could she ever forgive him? Was their friendship ruined? Had there even been a friendship to begin with? Could she…still love him? The answer to the final question was frustratingly clear. Deep down, she knew that even after the pain he had caused her, the feelings she held for him remained constant. Maybe that was what hurt the most.
Crippling uncertainty descended upon her. She had been wrong about Inuyasha, about his pure heart. What else was she wrong about? Did Sango feel the same way? What about Miroku, or Shippou? She didn’t know, and it was killing her. But she did know one thing, and that knowledge cast a small light into the shadows shrouding her existence. The person she had known longer than any other, the one being she was absolutely certain would never reject her. No matter what she did or who she became, she would always be her mother’s daughter. Mama… Yes, her mother would accept her. That’s what she needed now, someone to grab her hand, prevent her from falling into the bottomless pit she was teetering over. With a choked sob, she was gone, heading for sanctity, the arms of her angel.
Inuyasha knew exactly what he was saying. He expected Kagome to be crushed, but nothing could have prepared him for the look of absolute misery that settled on her features. All of the life seemed to leave her eyes, the dejection and sorrow he saw swimming in their depths cutting him to the core. It nearly shattered his resolve. But he forced himself to remain where he was, to not rush over to her, hold her, comfort her. He was almost relieved when she turned and ran, probably heading for the well. At least there she would be safe from him, his betrayal, and his deceit.
He had lied. He had lied straight to her face. In that moment, the term ‘bastard’ would not begin to describe how he felt about himself. He was the most colossal jackass the world had ever seen or ever would see. He had lied. To Kagome. He had told her he could not accept her.
It was killing him, this one untruth, but it was necessary. How else could he prevent her from making the single biggest mistake of her life? How else could he stop her from living the life of a hanyou, the kind of existence which would break her fragile spirit? He had always known it might come to this. He loved his own hanyou powers, and the thought of giving them up filled him with revulsion. How could he be surprised that Kagome had reached the same opinion?
But there was a major difference between them—he had grown up a hanyou. From birth, he had been baptized by fire in a world that loathed his kind, and often tried to wipe it from existence. Neither youkai nor humans welcomed his presence. He was cast adrift on his own private sea, riding the stormy currents alone for the longest time. When he met Kikyou, the rain let up, and the furious roar of thunder subsided. Only recently had the clouds parted, allowing the sun to shine through for the first time since his mother’s death. Now, the storm clouds were again gathering overhead, blotting out the light once more. He was very close to a return to the crippling loneliness, the unfathomable darkness.
It was indescribable, this loneliness, the years upon years of solitude where his only interaction with others involved defending himself from attack. That was how he had lived, and understanding what he’d been through required that one actually experience it firsthand. He could not allow Kagome to subject herself to that.
Inuyasha was no fool, and he knew Kagome well enough to be able to predict how she would react if he just came out and told her that. She would probably brush him off, thinking that she could deal with it, and that being a hanyou couldn’t possibly be as bad as it sounded. But it was! For the longest time, being hanyou was the worst kind of curse. Kagome had no idea what it was really like. The worst she had done was kill one human in defending a dear friend. Big fucking deal! How many humans had perished by his claws over the years? That last night in his home village came to mind…and he had been just a child.
No, Kagome had no idea how fucked up the world was, how much shit got dumped on the head of every hanyou each and every day. And he didn’t want her to find out! She was a naïve human wench, and he wanted her to stay that way. He had been telling the truth when he told her he would always accept her, but that wasn’t the issue here. The problem was that Kagome couldn’t make an informed decision. She had no idea how hard life could get for a hanyou, and he lacked the power to tell her. His experience defied description, at least to a man of few words such as himself. So his hand had been forced; he had to give her another reason to become human again. He had to lie to her. Now, as he watched her vanish through the trees, he wondered if perhaps he hadn’t hurt her more than all the insults and bigots of the world ever could.
He stared unblinkingly at the dirt for an interminable amount of time, almost wishing the earth would simply swallow him up. When green cloth entered his vision, he finally raised his gaze, meeting the enraged, tear-filled eyes of the taijiya who had become his companion. She reared back and slapped him. Hard. His face snapped to the side, and he silently rejoiced in the sting. Pain was good; it meant he hadn’t gone completely numb.
“Bastard,” Sango snarled, using every ounce of restraint she possessed to keep her temper in check. “I would beat the shit out of now if I didn’t think it would hurt Kagome-chan even more.”
Inuyasha could tell she was dead serious, but didn’t reply. He closed his eyes, not needing them to know what his friends thought of him. Shippou said he hated him, and even Kirara hissed at him. Then they left, leaving him standing there alone. It was nothing he didn’t deserve, or already think about himself. Not for the first time, he wondered if he’d made the right decision in forcing Kagome to revert to her human form. At the very least, he’d gone about it the wrong way. But at the time, he hadn’t been able to think of another way to get that stubborn wench to do what he knew was best for her. He did know what was best for her, didn’t he?
Questions bombarded his conscience as he slinked along the path, following his friends toward Kaede’s village. They reached the old miko’s hut by nightfall, but Inuyasha did not enter. Instead, he wandered in the forest, eventually finding his way to Goshinboku. The old tree didn’t seem as welcoming as it usually did; he did not feel worthy to leap into its branches. So he slouched down against the trunk, watching as the sun slowly made its way below the canopy. The creatures of the night stirred, emerging from their nests as the day-dwellers retired for the evening. How could nature be so tranquil when his soul was in such turmoil? To make matters worse, he received a visitor just before dusk. The annoying jingle of Miroku’s staff seemed incredibly loud in Inuyasha’s ears, though perhaps that was because he was alone. Sounds always seemed more piercing when one was by himself.
“You gonna yell at me too, bouzu?” he asked without turning to face him. Miroku sat down cross-legged beside him and heaved a heavy sigh before replying.
“No, Inuyasha. You look like you’ve been berating yourself enough.”
“Keh.”
“I merely wish to understand. Why?”
It was a simple question with a simple answer. Why did he tell Kagome he could not accept her? And yet, it was one of the most complicated queries he had ever contemplated. ‘Why?’ Why did he constantly hurt Kagome? Why was he such a jackass? Why…ANYTHING! Inuyasha’s head hurt, though once again he welcomed the pain. He did not, however, offer his companion any response. After waiting several moments, Miroku tried again.
“Why, Inuyasha? Can you honestly tell me that you would reject Kagome-sama because she refuses to become human again?”
Inuyasha thought about lying. He thought about taking off. He even thought about telling the wiseass monk to go to hell. But in the end, he didn’t do any of these things. Miroku was the only person in the world willing to talk to him at the moment, and he would be an even greater fool if he alienated him too. Besides, maybe his rationale would seem less ridiculous if he said it aloud.
“It ain’t that, bou—Miroku,” he admitted, his choice of moniker reflecting the seriousness of the conversation. “I…she…”
“Just spit it out, Inuyasha. I am willing to listen to you, but even my patience is wearing thin.”
Inuyasha winced at the chastisement, but again, it was nothing he didn’t deserve. Swallowing his pride, and the sizeable lump in his throat, he attempted to explain himself.
“She…she needs to change back, Miroku.”
“Why?”
“S-she just does, okay?”
“Not a chance, Inuyasha. You’re going to have to do better than that.”
“Dammit! You people have no idea what it’s like being a hanyou! None of you!” By now, Inuyasha had stood and was pacing back and forth in agitation. “Do you have any idea how many close calls I had? How many times where if I had been just a little slower, or weaker, I would have been killed? Sometimes…sometimes I even thought of taking my own life,” he mumbled quietly. Snapping out of his daze, he yelled, “I won’t let Kagome live like that!”
“You are right,” Miroku answered softly. “None of us really know what your past was like, including Kagome-sama. And it doesn’t matter.”
“What did you say?” Inuyasha growled low, with venom in his voice.
“I said your past doesn’t matter.”
“Why you—”
“Inuyasha!” Miroku yelled suddenly, finally directing his gaze at the hanyou. His eyes glowed with unbridled fierceness, and his lips were drawn in a tight line. “Right now, I’m your only friend in the world. So you’d better sit down and shut up!”
Thoroughly stunned, Inuyasha complied. Miroku took a deep breath to calm himself. “Now, what happened to you, how you grew up; these things are unimportant to Kagome-sama’s decision. Your circumstances are entirely different. How can you be so sure Kagome-sama will experience what you did?”
Inuyasha frowned, his eyebrows drawing together in consternation. He had honestly never considered how different his past situation was from Kagome’s.
“Let me put it another way,” Miroku continued. “Do you intend to let anything bad happen to Kagome-sama? Are you going to allow anyone to persecute her, to do to her any of the horrible things that were done to you?”
“Fuck no.”
“You see? Kagome-sama is already vastly better off than you were. She has you to protect her, and the rest of us as well. She has a loving family to return to should anything happen to us. And she is strong; she alone defeated two youkai today who have been giving us trouble for weeks. She has great inner strength as well, shown by how she dealt with killing that villager. Kagome-sama isn’t going to break because some strangers insult her or try to hurt her because of what she is. Inuyasha, she is strong.”
Inuyasha considered the monk’s words carefully; Miroku had just given voice to the thoughts that had been swimming around in the back of his mind for the past several hours. Was it really alright? Was it possible that Kagome could remain a hanyou and still live a happy life? Could he protect her? Did he even need to protect her, or was she strong enough to protect herself? Kagome was as willful and resilient as he, and he had survived…
“And besides,” Miroku continued, “it is Kagome-sama’s decision. We can only advise her, but the ultimate choice is hers, even if her decision is the worst she will ever make. Personally…well, let me tell you something my father told me long ago. He said ‘sometimes in the winds of change we find our true direction.’ I don’t think I ever fully understood what he meant, but Kagome’s transformation has opened my eyes. This was meant to happen, Inuyasha, as surely as you two were destined to find each other.”
For a long time, Inuyasha said nothing, but Miroku gave him time to ponder. Everything the monk said made perfect sense. And it was easy to accept, because his conscience had been trying to tell him the same things. But there was still a small part of him that rebelled, the part that was submerged in his past. He pushed it down; it was time for the truth. He would always accept Kagome. She was his best friend, perhaps more, and he would never turn his back on her again. He would support her in her decision without objection, and do his best to protect her from the ramifications. He sighed, slumping in relief as a great weight was lifted from his shoulders.
“Alright,” was all he said, but it was enough. Smiling, Miroku patted him on the back amiably.
“When will you go talk to her?” the monk asked.
Inuyasha shrugged. “Dunno. I’ll probably give her some time to cool down first.”
Miroku nodded. “Just don’t wait too long. Sango has been polishing hiraikotsu, and I don’t think I can keep her from coming after you if you drag this out too long.”
“Thanks for the warning.”
“Anytime, my friend.” The serious part of the discussion long over, Miroku decided to have a little fun. “So…which Kagome to you prefer?”
“I don’t.” And it was true; he really didn’t prefer Kagome one way or the other. She was just Kagome.
“Well, I suppose there isn’t too much difference in appearance, at least not below the neck. Though you would be able to judge that better than I…”
Inuyasha choked, and Miroku clapped him on the back as the hanyou sputtered, glaring at him the whole time. The effect was dampened by the redness of his face, however.
“Damn bouzu! Why am I even listening to you? A fucking hentai who can’t keep his woman from leaving him!”
That comment sucked all the amusement right out of the atmosphere, as Miroku’s eyes widened, then narrowed.
“What are you talking about, Inuyasha?” he queried sternly. For a moment Inuyasha regretted his remark, but then he remembered his promise to Kagome. This was as good a time as any for a discussion. Though there was no harm in playing hard to get first.
“Hm? What did I say? I can’t seem to remember.”
“Inuyasha, I have been reigning in the desire to whack you over the head with my staff for most of the day, so it isn’t wise to test me.”
Inuyasha snickered. Okay, so maybe there was harm in being evasive. The topic of conversation turned his mood somber before he spoke.
“Sango is thinking about leaving you, bouzu. She’s considering not bearing your children.”
“WHAT?!” Miroku yelled, utterly shocked. “B-but she—”
“Yeah, I know what she said that day! What I’m saying is that she’s just about changed her mind.”
“But why…” Miroku didn’t even bother to finish that sentence; the answer was painfully obvious. I had no idea my womanizing was affecting Sango so. This was definitely something that needed to be addressed between them.
“I see,” he said firmly, “thank you for bringing this to my attention.”
“Feh. Just remember you didn’t hear it from me.”
“Well then who did I hear it from?”
“No one! You figured it out on your own with that pea-sized brain of yours.”
“Hm, a bit hypocritical, aren’t we?”
“Hypo-what?”
“Never mind.” Suddenly, another thought occurred to Miroku. “Hey, how did you know what Sango said that day?”
“Um, the wench was spying on you.”
“Just Kagome-sama?”
“Well somebody had to keep her out of trouble!”
“Uh-huh. Remind me to tell Sango you two were eavesdropping. I’m sure she’ll be very amused.”
“Oh, come on! Tell me you’ve never spied on us.”
“…”
“There! You’re just as guilty as we are.”
“Have you ever asked Kagome-sama to bear your child?”
“Wh—NO!!!”
“Then it’s completely different.”
“Whatever, bouzu.”
Chuckling, Miroku stood to leave. “Go talk to her, Inuyasha. Don’t procrastinate,” he said as he departed. Miroku made his way back to Kaede’s hut. His mood was just as bad as it had been when he left, but for completely different reasons. Could Sango really have so little faith in him? And could he blame her for it?
“Did you talk some sense into that asshole?” the taijiya asked as he came through the doorway.
“No, I just helped him find the wisdom within himself. Please don’t be too hard on him. He has a good heart; he can’t help it that he’s a huge baka.”
Sango snorted, and went back to sharpening hiraikotsu. Her movements were tense and jerky, and Miroku could tell she was still immensely worried about Kagome. Now was definitely not the time to confront her insecurities concerning their relationship. Sighing, he settled against the wall, readying himself for a long night.
As for running, she had been afraid, terrified really. And this wasn’t a youkai you could slay, or an enemy you could defeat by standing and fighting. Fleeing had seemed like the only option at the time, and it probably was the best thing she could have done. The thought of remaining in his presence after he spoke those words sickened her. No, she needed some time alone, to reflect if nothing else. Looking at the sky, she saw that it was still mid-afternoon. She came here to take comfort in her mother’s embrace, but now she didn’t particularly feel like facing anybody. So she wandered into the trees, heading no place in particular and not caring either. Her nose would guide her back to the village, just as it had led her there in the first place. It was some time before she stopped, leaping into a tree near a small stream. The water cascading gently down the rocks resonated with her for some reason, and she found the soft gurgling sounds oddly soothing.
Her thoughts were anything but. Inuyasha’s behavior still baffled her. How many times in the past had he called her a ‘weak human wench,’ or insulted her on that general theme? And now he wanted her to return to being a helpless mortal woman? That was the height of hypocrisy! Granted, in recent months, even before her transformation, those comments had become less frequent. But still, she couldn’t think of a legitimate reason why he would prefer her as a human instead of a hanyou. What right did he have to order her to change? She would never ask him to change for her! It probably hadn’t even occurred to him that the dagger could be used to make both of them human.
But again, she would never want him to change. She loved him just the way he was. My modern friends were right…I should have just kicked him to the curb and gone out with Hojo a long time ago. Yet, the thought of doing that filled her with revulsion. Damn my feelings! Why did I have to fall for an asshole like Inuyasha?!
Time passed quickly for our frustrated miko, and it wasn’t until the owls began hooting that she realized how late it had gotten. The last of the sun’s rays were just barely clinging to the forest, and she thanked the now visible stars for her feline night vision. She had officially exhausted her mental capacity for thought for the day, and a nice hot bath sounded divine. Unfortunately, fate had other plans. As she was slowly making her way back toward the well, a brilliant blue ball of light shot out of nowhere. She dodged at the last moment, and turned into the direction of the attack. For a full minute she saw nothing, then a hulking figure revealed itself. It was humanoid in shape but little else. It stood three to four times taller than she, and had dappled brown skin resembling the bark of the surrounding trees. Even its green eyes blended in with the foliage, but its camouflage was no defense now that Kagome’s keen vision had locked onto it. It moved sluggishly, at a speed even humans would be able to outrun. It was clear the creature would catch nothing to eat if not for the blast of energy it could apparently exude. When it spoke, its voice was gravelly but contained a certain intelligence, one that belied the creature’s ugliness and sluggishness.
“You dodged that, huh?” it said. “So you’re not a normal human.” Taking a closer look at Kagome, it smirked, revealing dual rows of large, sharp teeth. “A hanyou, huh? You don’t see many of those around. Good! I was hungering for youkai blood tonight.”
“You eat humans?” Kagome posed dangerously.
The youkai shrugged. “Humans, youkai; I eat whatever I want.”
Kagome’s eyebrow twitched, her anger toward a certain hanyou rapidly transferring toward the youkai before her. With the mood she was in, she had no problem purifying some arrogant, ugly bastard who liked to snack on humans, especially when the nearest settlement was Kaede’s village.
“So, hanyou,” the youkai continued, “do you intend to fight me or run away?”
Kagome’s didn’t answer, at least not verbally. She suddenly dashed forward, easily avoiding the energy ball the youkai hastily threw at her from its mouth. She leapt up to his chest, raking her claws down the surface. To her surprise, the weapons didn’t penetrate, nor did the purifying energy they emitted do anything more than inflict minor burns. Kagome jumped away, narrowly eluding the massive open palm the beast had attempted to smack her with, as a man might swat an annoying fly. Now the advantage of surprise was squandered, and the youkai kept Kagome at bay, continuously firing those balls of shimmering blue light. Kagome didn’t know what would happen if she got hit, but she knew it wouldn’t be good. Eventually, as the misses became nearer, and the close calls became more frequent, Kagome realized she was in over her head. She didn’t have her bow and arrows with her, as they had been discarded at the well before she wandered into the forest. She deeply regretted that decision now. Deciding to make her escape and call in reinforcements, she leapt up to a low-hanging tree branch, intending to use the natural cover of the canopy to conceal her movements and get away.
Unfortunately, her chosen branch, although seemingly sturdy, had been eaten away on the inside by insects of some kind. A foreboding crack was all the warning she got before her platform fell away, leaving her to plummet toward the ground. The youkai didn’t even give her a chance to land on her feet, nailing her with a clean shot in the chest as she fell. The blast flung Kagome backward, and she skidded to a stop on her back. Surprisingly, there was no pain. She got up and dusted herself off, eyeing the youkai warily. He smirked and settled on his haunches, as if waiting for something.
Then she felt it; a numbness that started in her toes and rapidly worked its way up her body. She could no longer move anything the sensation touched, as if the nerves connecting her brain to her body were being systematically shut down. Already her feet felt disconnected from her, as if they were frozen solid. She could see them there, but they might as well have been attached to someone else. Panic set in quickly for Kagome; never before had she felt so helpless. So, without thinking, she did what she had always done when she found herself in grave danger. It was an automatic response, one that was just about hired-wired into her consciousness.
“INUYASHA!!!!”
A/N – Inuyasha says he’s glad none of you reviewers can get to the feudal era and come after him. I don’t blame you for not particularly liking him after last chapter, but hopefully you understand his point of view better now. And if not, well, somehow I don’t think he gives a rat’s ass, LOL.
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Fanfiction of the Week: “The Game He Played,” by Selina MacCloveror
Selina just posted this one-shot the other day. It’s an AU, with plenty of intense lemonade and a great twist at the end.
youkaineko: you are right, of course. I could have worded this better. It’s like a normal dagger in that it can cut you, but if you stab it into a person fully it doesn’t make a wound. That’s when, and only when, the special powers take effect. As to what it looks like, just use your imagination.
Karaumea: wow, you must be reading my mind. You were 100% right on with your review. Thanks!
Shatter
“I lied.”
Upon hearing those two dreadful words, the remnants of Kagome’s fractured heart shattered into countless pieces. It was a gut check, one which tore the breath from her lungs and the life from her soul. And with the demise of her heart went the only thing keeping her from recognizing the reality of the situation. Inuyasha didn’t accept her. He didn’t love her; he didn’t even like her. Who knows, perhaps he even hated her. He had given her an ultimatum, not in as many words but still clear as day: ‘change back into a human or go live in your time, and never return to the past.’ Briefly, she considered acquiescing to his demand, changing herself to be what he wanted her to be. But it wasn’t that simple anymore. Could she ever look at him the same way again? Could she ever forgive him? Was their friendship ruined? Had there even been a friendship to begin with? Could she…still love him? The answer to the final question was frustratingly clear. Deep down, she knew that even after the pain he had caused her, the feelings she held for him remained constant. Maybe that was what hurt the most.
Crippling uncertainty descended upon her. She had been wrong about Inuyasha, about his pure heart. What else was she wrong about? Did Sango feel the same way? What about Miroku, or Shippou? She didn’t know, and it was killing her. But she did know one thing, and that knowledge cast a small light into the shadows shrouding her existence. The person she had known longer than any other, the one being she was absolutely certain would never reject her. No matter what she did or who she became, she would always be her mother’s daughter. Mama… Yes, her mother would accept her. That’s what she needed now, someone to grab her hand, prevent her from falling into the bottomless pit she was teetering over. With a choked sob, she was gone, heading for sanctity, the arms of her angel.
* * *
“I lied.” Inuyasha knew exactly what he was saying. He expected Kagome to be crushed, but nothing could have prepared him for the look of absolute misery that settled on her features. All of the life seemed to leave her eyes, the dejection and sorrow he saw swimming in their depths cutting him to the core. It nearly shattered his resolve. But he forced himself to remain where he was, to not rush over to her, hold her, comfort her. He was almost relieved when she turned and ran, probably heading for the well. At least there she would be safe from him, his betrayal, and his deceit.
He had lied. He had lied straight to her face. In that moment, the term ‘bastard’ would not begin to describe how he felt about himself. He was the most colossal jackass the world had ever seen or ever would see. He had lied. To Kagome. He had told her he could not accept her.
It was killing him, this one untruth, but it was necessary. How else could he prevent her from making the single biggest mistake of her life? How else could he stop her from living the life of a hanyou, the kind of existence which would break her fragile spirit? He had always known it might come to this. He loved his own hanyou powers, and the thought of giving them up filled him with revulsion. How could he be surprised that Kagome had reached the same opinion?
But there was a major difference between them—he had grown up a hanyou. From birth, he had been baptized by fire in a world that loathed his kind, and often tried to wipe it from existence. Neither youkai nor humans welcomed his presence. He was cast adrift on his own private sea, riding the stormy currents alone for the longest time. When he met Kikyou, the rain let up, and the furious roar of thunder subsided. Only recently had the clouds parted, allowing the sun to shine through for the first time since his mother’s death. Now, the storm clouds were again gathering overhead, blotting out the light once more. He was very close to a return to the crippling loneliness, the unfathomable darkness.
It was indescribable, this loneliness, the years upon years of solitude where his only interaction with others involved defending himself from attack. That was how he had lived, and understanding what he’d been through required that one actually experience it firsthand. He could not allow Kagome to subject herself to that.
Inuyasha was no fool, and he knew Kagome well enough to be able to predict how she would react if he just came out and told her that. She would probably brush him off, thinking that she could deal with it, and that being a hanyou couldn’t possibly be as bad as it sounded. But it was! For the longest time, being hanyou was the worst kind of curse. Kagome had no idea what it was really like. The worst she had done was kill one human in defending a dear friend. Big fucking deal! How many humans had perished by his claws over the years? That last night in his home village came to mind…and he had been just a child.
No, Kagome had no idea how fucked up the world was, how much shit got dumped on the head of every hanyou each and every day. And he didn’t want her to find out! She was a naïve human wench, and he wanted her to stay that way. He had been telling the truth when he told her he would always accept her, but that wasn’t the issue here. The problem was that Kagome couldn’t make an informed decision. She had no idea how hard life could get for a hanyou, and he lacked the power to tell her. His experience defied description, at least to a man of few words such as himself. So his hand had been forced; he had to give her another reason to become human again. He had to lie to her. Now, as he watched her vanish through the trees, he wondered if perhaps he hadn’t hurt her more than all the insults and bigots of the world ever could.
He stared unblinkingly at the dirt for an interminable amount of time, almost wishing the earth would simply swallow him up. When green cloth entered his vision, he finally raised his gaze, meeting the enraged, tear-filled eyes of the taijiya who had become his companion. She reared back and slapped him. Hard. His face snapped to the side, and he silently rejoiced in the sting. Pain was good; it meant he hadn’t gone completely numb.
“Bastard,” Sango snarled, using every ounce of restraint she possessed to keep her temper in check. “I would beat the shit out of now if I didn’t think it would hurt Kagome-chan even more.”
Inuyasha could tell she was dead serious, but didn’t reply. He closed his eyes, not needing them to know what his friends thought of him. Shippou said he hated him, and even Kirara hissed at him. Then they left, leaving him standing there alone. It was nothing he didn’t deserve, or already think about himself. Not for the first time, he wondered if he’d made the right decision in forcing Kagome to revert to her human form. At the very least, he’d gone about it the wrong way. But at the time, he hadn’t been able to think of another way to get that stubborn wench to do what he knew was best for her. He did know what was best for her, didn’t he?
Questions bombarded his conscience as he slinked along the path, following his friends toward Kaede’s village. They reached the old miko’s hut by nightfall, but Inuyasha did not enter. Instead, he wandered in the forest, eventually finding his way to Goshinboku. The old tree didn’t seem as welcoming as it usually did; he did not feel worthy to leap into its branches. So he slouched down against the trunk, watching as the sun slowly made its way below the canopy. The creatures of the night stirred, emerging from their nests as the day-dwellers retired for the evening. How could nature be so tranquil when his soul was in such turmoil? To make matters worse, he received a visitor just before dusk. The annoying jingle of Miroku’s staff seemed incredibly loud in Inuyasha’s ears, though perhaps that was because he was alone. Sounds always seemed more piercing when one was by himself.
“You gonna yell at me too, bouzu?” he asked without turning to face him. Miroku sat down cross-legged beside him and heaved a heavy sigh before replying.
“No, Inuyasha. You look like you’ve been berating yourself enough.”
“Keh.”
“I merely wish to understand. Why?”
It was a simple question with a simple answer. Why did he tell Kagome he could not accept her? And yet, it was one of the most complicated queries he had ever contemplated. ‘Why?’ Why did he constantly hurt Kagome? Why was he such a jackass? Why…ANYTHING! Inuyasha’s head hurt, though once again he welcomed the pain. He did not, however, offer his companion any response. After waiting several moments, Miroku tried again.
“Why, Inuyasha? Can you honestly tell me that you would reject Kagome-sama because she refuses to become human again?”
Inuyasha thought about lying. He thought about taking off. He even thought about telling the wiseass monk to go to hell. But in the end, he didn’t do any of these things. Miroku was the only person in the world willing to talk to him at the moment, and he would be an even greater fool if he alienated him too. Besides, maybe his rationale would seem less ridiculous if he said it aloud.
“It ain’t that, bou—Miroku,” he admitted, his choice of moniker reflecting the seriousness of the conversation. “I…she…”
“Just spit it out, Inuyasha. I am willing to listen to you, but even my patience is wearing thin.”
Inuyasha winced at the chastisement, but again, it was nothing he didn’t deserve. Swallowing his pride, and the sizeable lump in his throat, he attempted to explain himself.
“She…she needs to change back, Miroku.”
“Why?”
“S-she just does, okay?”
“Not a chance, Inuyasha. You’re going to have to do better than that.”
“Dammit! You people have no idea what it’s like being a hanyou! None of you!” By now, Inuyasha had stood and was pacing back and forth in agitation. “Do you have any idea how many close calls I had? How many times where if I had been just a little slower, or weaker, I would have been killed? Sometimes…sometimes I even thought of taking my own life,” he mumbled quietly. Snapping out of his daze, he yelled, “I won’t let Kagome live like that!”
“You are right,” Miroku answered softly. “None of us really know what your past was like, including Kagome-sama. And it doesn’t matter.”
“What did you say?” Inuyasha growled low, with venom in his voice.
“I said your past doesn’t matter.”
“Why you—”
“Inuyasha!” Miroku yelled suddenly, finally directing his gaze at the hanyou. His eyes glowed with unbridled fierceness, and his lips were drawn in a tight line. “Right now, I’m your only friend in the world. So you’d better sit down and shut up!”
Thoroughly stunned, Inuyasha complied. Miroku took a deep breath to calm himself. “Now, what happened to you, how you grew up; these things are unimportant to Kagome-sama’s decision. Your circumstances are entirely different. How can you be so sure Kagome-sama will experience what you did?”
Inuyasha frowned, his eyebrows drawing together in consternation. He had honestly never considered how different his past situation was from Kagome’s.
“Let me put it another way,” Miroku continued. “Do you intend to let anything bad happen to Kagome-sama? Are you going to allow anyone to persecute her, to do to her any of the horrible things that were done to you?”
“Fuck no.”
“You see? Kagome-sama is already vastly better off than you were. She has you to protect her, and the rest of us as well. She has a loving family to return to should anything happen to us. And she is strong; she alone defeated two youkai today who have been giving us trouble for weeks. She has great inner strength as well, shown by how she dealt with killing that villager. Kagome-sama isn’t going to break because some strangers insult her or try to hurt her because of what she is. Inuyasha, she is strong.”
Inuyasha considered the monk’s words carefully; Miroku had just given voice to the thoughts that had been swimming around in the back of his mind for the past several hours. Was it really alright? Was it possible that Kagome could remain a hanyou and still live a happy life? Could he protect her? Did he even need to protect her, or was she strong enough to protect herself? Kagome was as willful and resilient as he, and he had survived…
“And besides,” Miroku continued, “it is Kagome-sama’s decision. We can only advise her, but the ultimate choice is hers, even if her decision is the worst she will ever make. Personally…well, let me tell you something my father told me long ago. He said ‘sometimes in the winds of change we find our true direction.’ I don’t think I ever fully understood what he meant, but Kagome’s transformation has opened my eyes. This was meant to happen, Inuyasha, as surely as you two were destined to find each other.”
For a long time, Inuyasha said nothing, but Miroku gave him time to ponder. Everything the monk said made perfect sense. And it was easy to accept, because his conscience had been trying to tell him the same things. But there was still a small part of him that rebelled, the part that was submerged in his past. He pushed it down; it was time for the truth. He would always accept Kagome. She was his best friend, perhaps more, and he would never turn his back on her again. He would support her in her decision without objection, and do his best to protect her from the ramifications. He sighed, slumping in relief as a great weight was lifted from his shoulders.
“Alright,” was all he said, but it was enough. Smiling, Miroku patted him on the back amiably.
“When will you go talk to her?” the monk asked.
Inuyasha shrugged. “Dunno. I’ll probably give her some time to cool down first.”
Miroku nodded. “Just don’t wait too long. Sango has been polishing hiraikotsu, and I don’t think I can keep her from coming after you if you drag this out too long.”
“Thanks for the warning.”
“Anytime, my friend.” The serious part of the discussion long over, Miroku decided to have a little fun. “So…which Kagome to you prefer?”
“I don’t.” And it was true; he really didn’t prefer Kagome one way or the other. She was just Kagome.
“Well, I suppose there isn’t too much difference in appearance, at least not below the neck. Though you would be able to judge that better than I…”
Inuyasha choked, and Miroku clapped him on the back as the hanyou sputtered, glaring at him the whole time. The effect was dampened by the redness of his face, however.
“Damn bouzu! Why am I even listening to you? A fucking hentai who can’t keep his woman from leaving him!”
That comment sucked all the amusement right out of the atmosphere, as Miroku’s eyes widened, then narrowed.
“What are you talking about, Inuyasha?” he queried sternly. For a moment Inuyasha regretted his remark, but then he remembered his promise to Kagome. This was as good a time as any for a discussion. Though there was no harm in playing hard to get first.
“Hm? What did I say? I can’t seem to remember.”
“Inuyasha, I have been reigning in the desire to whack you over the head with my staff for most of the day, so it isn’t wise to test me.”
Inuyasha snickered. Okay, so maybe there was harm in being evasive. The topic of conversation turned his mood somber before he spoke.
“Sango is thinking about leaving you, bouzu. She’s considering not bearing your children.”
“WHAT?!” Miroku yelled, utterly shocked. “B-but she—”
“Yeah, I know what she said that day! What I’m saying is that she’s just about changed her mind.”
“But why…” Miroku didn’t even bother to finish that sentence; the answer was painfully obvious. I had no idea my womanizing was affecting Sango so. This was definitely something that needed to be addressed between them.
“I see,” he said firmly, “thank you for bringing this to my attention.”
“Feh. Just remember you didn’t hear it from me.”
“Well then who did I hear it from?”
“No one! You figured it out on your own with that pea-sized brain of yours.”
“Hm, a bit hypocritical, aren’t we?”
“Hypo-what?”
“Never mind.” Suddenly, another thought occurred to Miroku. “Hey, how did you know what Sango said that day?”
“Um, the wench was spying on you.”
“Just Kagome-sama?”
“Well somebody had to keep her out of trouble!”
“Uh-huh. Remind me to tell Sango you two were eavesdropping. I’m sure she’ll be very amused.”
“Oh, come on! Tell me you’ve never spied on us.”
“…”
“There! You’re just as guilty as we are.”
“Have you ever asked Kagome-sama to bear your child?”
“Wh—NO!!!”
“Then it’s completely different.”
“Whatever, bouzu.”
Chuckling, Miroku stood to leave. “Go talk to her, Inuyasha. Don’t procrastinate,” he said as he departed. Miroku made his way back to Kaede’s hut. His mood was just as bad as it had been when he left, but for completely different reasons. Could Sango really have so little faith in him? And could he blame her for it?
“Did you talk some sense into that asshole?” the taijiya asked as he came through the doorway.
“No, I just helped him find the wisdom within himself. Please don’t be too hard on him. He has a good heart; he can’t help it that he’s a huge baka.”
Sango snorted, and went back to sharpening hiraikotsu. Her movements were tense and jerky, and Miroku could tell she was still immensely worried about Kagome. Now was definitely not the time to confront her insecurities concerning their relationship. Sighing, he settled against the wall, readying himself for a long night.
* * *
Kagome slowed to a stop as she neared the old well. The physical exertion had cleared her head, and now she felt quite foolish. Not for overreacting; no, she definitely had every reason to be heartbroken. But she did feel like a fool for making those awful assumptions about her other friends. Sango, Miroku, and Shippou hadn’t given her any reason to doubt their acceptance of her hanyou form. But her confidence in Inuyasha, the person she thought she knew better than any other, had been shaken to the core. She figured it was only natural to distrust her other friends in that situation. Natural, but wrong. She would apologize to them, and hopefully they wouldn’t hold it against her. As for running, she had been afraid, terrified really. And this wasn’t a youkai you could slay, or an enemy you could defeat by standing and fighting. Fleeing had seemed like the only option at the time, and it probably was the best thing she could have done. The thought of remaining in his presence after he spoke those words sickened her. No, she needed some time alone, to reflect if nothing else. Looking at the sky, she saw that it was still mid-afternoon. She came here to take comfort in her mother’s embrace, but now she didn’t particularly feel like facing anybody. So she wandered into the trees, heading no place in particular and not caring either. Her nose would guide her back to the village, just as it had led her there in the first place. It was some time before she stopped, leaping into a tree near a small stream. The water cascading gently down the rocks resonated with her for some reason, and she found the soft gurgling sounds oddly soothing.
Her thoughts were anything but. Inuyasha’s behavior still baffled her. How many times in the past had he called her a ‘weak human wench,’ or insulted her on that general theme? And now he wanted her to return to being a helpless mortal woman? That was the height of hypocrisy! Granted, in recent months, even before her transformation, those comments had become less frequent. But still, she couldn’t think of a legitimate reason why he would prefer her as a human instead of a hanyou. What right did he have to order her to change? She would never ask him to change for her! It probably hadn’t even occurred to him that the dagger could be used to make both of them human.
But again, she would never want him to change. She loved him just the way he was. My modern friends were right…I should have just kicked him to the curb and gone out with Hojo a long time ago. Yet, the thought of doing that filled her with revulsion. Damn my feelings! Why did I have to fall for an asshole like Inuyasha?!
Time passed quickly for our frustrated miko, and it wasn’t until the owls began hooting that she realized how late it had gotten. The last of the sun’s rays were just barely clinging to the forest, and she thanked the now visible stars for her feline night vision. She had officially exhausted her mental capacity for thought for the day, and a nice hot bath sounded divine. Unfortunately, fate had other plans. As she was slowly making her way back toward the well, a brilliant blue ball of light shot out of nowhere. She dodged at the last moment, and turned into the direction of the attack. For a full minute she saw nothing, then a hulking figure revealed itself. It was humanoid in shape but little else. It stood three to four times taller than she, and had dappled brown skin resembling the bark of the surrounding trees. Even its green eyes blended in with the foliage, but its camouflage was no defense now that Kagome’s keen vision had locked onto it. It moved sluggishly, at a speed even humans would be able to outrun. It was clear the creature would catch nothing to eat if not for the blast of energy it could apparently exude. When it spoke, its voice was gravelly but contained a certain intelligence, one that belied the creature’s ugliness and sluggishness.
“You dodged that, huh?” it said. “So you’re not a normal human.” Taking a closer look at Kagome, it smirked, revealing dual rows of large, sharp teeth. “A hanyou, huh? You don’t see many of those around. Good! I was hungering for youkai blood tonight.”
“You eat humans?” Kagome posed dangerously.
The youkai shrugged. “Humans, youkai; I eat whatever I want.”
Kagome’s eyebrow twitched, her anger toward a certain hanyou rapidly transferring toward the youkai before her. With the mood she was in, she had no problem purifying some arrogant, ugly bastard who liked to snack on humans, especially when the nearest settlement was Kaede’s village.
“So, hanyou,” the youkai continued, “do you intend to fight me or run away?”
Kagome’s didn’t answer, at least not verbally. She suddenly dashed forward, easily avoiding the energy ball the youkai hastily threw at her from its mouth. She leapt up to his chest, raking her claws down the surface. To her surprise, the weapons didn’t penetrate, nor did the purifying energy they emitted do anything more than inflict minor burns. Kagome jumped away, narrowly eluding the massive open palm the beast had attempted to smack her with, as a man might swat an annoying fly. Now the advantage of surprise was squandered, and the youkai kept Kagome at bay, continuously firing those balls of shimmering blue light. Kagome didn’t know what would happen if she got hit, but she knew it wouldn’t be good. Eventually, as the misses became nearer, and the close calls became more frequent, Kagome realized she was in over her head. She didn’t have her bow and arrows with her, as they had been discarded at the well before she wandered into the forest. She deeply regretted that decision now. Deciding to make her escape and call in reinforcements, she leapt up to a low-hanging tree branch, intending to use the natural cover of the canopy to conceal her movements and get away.
Unfortunately, her chosen branch, although seemingly sturdy, had been eaten away on the inside by insects of some kind. A foreboding crack was all the warning she got before her platform fell away, leaving her to plummet toward the ground. The youkai didn’t even give her a chance to land on her feet, nailing her with a clean shot in the chest as she fell. The blast flung Kagome backward, and she skidded to a stop on her back. Surprisingly, there was no pain. She got up and dusted herself off, eyeing the youkai warily. He smirked and settled on his haunches, as if waiting for something.
Then she felt it; a numbness that started in her toes and rapidly worked its way up her body. She could no longer move anything the sensation touched, as if the nerves connecting her brain to her body were being systematically shut down. Already her feet felt disconnected from her, as if they were frozen solid. She could see them there, but they might as well have been attached to someone else. Panic set in quickly for Kagome; never before had she felt so helpless. So, without thinking, she did what she had always done when she found herself in grave danger. It was an automatic response, one that was just about hired-wired into her consciousness.
“INUYASHA!!!!”
A/N – Inuyasha says he’s glad none of you reviewers can get to the feudal era and come after him. I don’t blame you for not particularly liking him after last chapter, but hopefully you understand his point of view better now. And if not, well, somehow I don’t think he gives a rat’s ass, LOL.
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