InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Metamorphosis ❯ Searching ( Chapter 39 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: King Baka 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Suspense / Romance / Hentai / Adventure | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 11.23.2009 | Updated On: 02.02.2011 | Pages: 3 | Words: 6.8K | Visits: 3.0K | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Suspense / Romance / Hentai / Adventure | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 11.23.2009 | Updated On: 02.02.2011 | Pages: 3 | Words: 6.8K | Visits: 3.0K | Status: Completed
Disclaimer: I don’t own Inuyasha or any of the publicly known characters, plot, etc. I’m just renting them from Rumiko Takahashi, Viz, etc. I do own the plot of this story and any original characters I’ve created. I will make no money from this fic; I write for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of my readers.
Searching
Inuyasha stumbled, nearly falling on his face before righting himself. His heart had quite literally skipped a beat, and now it pumped faster for no apparent reason. He felt strange, like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. It was a good feeling, but he couldn’t place it, so he brushed it off. What did he have to feel good about these days, anyway?
Time was no longer of any importance; he just wandered, traveling wherever his feet took him. It had probably been a few days since he left the well, but he couldn’t be sure. Along the way he had slain perhaps a dozen youkai, all of them seeking the Shikon no Tama. The ones that started to reform afterwards he tore into a hundred pieces, not stopping until he found the shards that revived them. He now possessed the large chunk he and Kagome had accumulated, plus three small shards which he lacked the power to merge with the larger piece. Youkai attacks were one of the few things that broke the monotony of his existence. He walked, found food when he was hungry, and defended himself when danger arose. That was it. Sometimes, he didn’t even feel like doing that. But he wasn’t about to let some small fry youkai kill him. If he was going to die, he would do it honorably, by committing seppuku.
But he had no intention of purposely ending his life. That was the easy way out; living was much more difficult. He could not leave the jewel out in the open for any youkai to pick up, nor could he give it to his friends for them to watch over. Sango and Miroku had been through so much already, and they deserved to live in peace now and start a family. That was one of the reasons he had left the village without speaking to them. Another was that they would probably tell him he was being stupid and to go back to Kagome. But they just didn’t understand! And he didn’t feel like arguing with them. Regardless, they were far better off without him and the jewel in their lives. He would complete the Shikon no Tama or die trying, and then he would find some way to purify it. Perhaps Kikyou could help him. What did it matter if he saw her now? Kagome wasn’t around to get her feelings hurt, and she would never find out. He hoped to run into the undead miko at some point during his wanderings.
Suddenly, a familiar scent reached his nose, causing him to stop in his tracks. It took him a moment to place it, but when he did a malicious grin formed on his lips. Focusing his gaze on the far end of the large meadow he was currently in, he spied the beast. It darted to and fro, feelers and jaws twitching, its brightly-colored carapace shining in the sun. Inuyasha’s grin widened. What luck! That he would have a chance to take revenge upon the creature which had ruined his life must be a gift from the Kami. A small blessing, one that paled in comparison to what they had taken away from him, but a blessing nonetheless. He would take advantage of it. He pulled out Tetsusaiga but did not transform it, instead jamming it into the earth by his side. He desired the tactile pleasure of shredding armour and gristle with his claws; a quick victory would not be enough to satisfy him this time. He would tear this monster apart, slowly. No longer encumbered by the sword’s seal, his youkai side clamored for release, pressing against his consciousness. He saw no reason to resist; perhaps he would derive greater enjoyment from the slaughter in his more feral form.
Quickly the transformation was complete, and a sadistic cackle rent the air. Then, with a vicious howl, one monster charged the other. The once peaceful meadow was forever stained with violence, hatred, and blood.
At any rate, her efforts proved unsuccessful; Inuyasha’s scent was nowhere to be found. She was almost certain he was no longer in the area; if he was truly disgusted with himself, he would probably choose to go back to his solitary life. But she couldn’t be sure until she checked with her friends at the village. She prayed she was wrong and they had seen him. Otherwise, how in the world was she going to find him? Miroku was meditating on the grass outside Kaede’s hut when she arrived, but he sensed her approach and rose to meet her.
“Ah, Kagome-sama, it is good to see you again. Did you and Inuyasha enjoy your trip?” he asked, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. His grin vanished when Kagome flinched, lowering her eyes. “Kagome-sama? What’s wrong?” Before the miko could answer, a furry blur shot out of the hut in her direction.
“Kagome!” Shippou called as he leapt into her arms. Kagome caught him with practiced ease, her eyes watering as she held him, squeezing him a little tighter than usual. Only now did she realize how precious, how vulnerable he was, and how much she missed him. Life, especially young life, was so fragile. She didn’t know what she would do if anything happened to little Shippou.
“Kagome-chan?” Sango inquired, having followed the fox kit outside. “What’s wrong? Where’s Inuyasha?”
Kagome grimaced; she really should have expected this. Her friends knew her too well to not realize something was bothering her. Of course, she had done a pitiful job of concealing it. Sniffling, she cleared her throat.
“You haven’t seen him around here?”
“No, where is he?”
“He…left.”
“What?! What do you mean ‘he left?’” Sango demanded, her fury at the baka hanyou who could apparently still make Kagome cry rising rapidly. Kagome sighed, knowing there was no avoiding it now; she would have to come clean. She glanced down at Shippou, debating whether he should hear what happened. But she could see how concerned he was; it would probably be crueler to send him away and keep the truth from him. A worried companion’s imagination could conjure up scenarios that were even worse than the actual tragedy, and she wouldn’t put Shippou through that.
“I was pregnant,” she confessed at last. Her friends brightened momentarily, mirroring the reaction of her mother. After letting her words settle for a few seconds, Kagome knew she didn’t need to provide any more explanation for Miroku or Sango. Shippou was another story.
“Is that bad?” he posed innocently. “I thought babies were blessings.”
Kagome smiled sadly down at him. “You’re right, Shippou-chan; they are blessings. But a monster attacked us, and hit me right here,” she said, holding his tiny hand against her belly. “And…the baby died.”
Kagome’s heart broke again as understanding dawned, and his face darkened in grief. His lip quivered and tears welled in his eyes. Kagome held him tightly as he bawled into her shoulder, gently rocking him as he cried out his sorrow.
“Let me guess,” Miroku spoke up grimly after awhile, “Inuyasha blamed himself for this and left you in your time?”
Kagome nodded, once again berating herself for not realizing that herself. If it had been so obvious to Miroku, it should have been clear to her as well.
“Was it his fault?” Sango inquired evenly, though a hint of anger was present in her tone. She was still furious with Inuyasha for abandoning Kagome in any circumstances, even if the loss of their child was completely his fault, which she seriously doubted. Mates and spouses needed to stick together no matter what. Why couldn’t that baka hanyou see that?
“No,” Kagome replied. “Well, I suppose it was both out faults. We both failed; you can’t blame just one of us.”
“But Inuyasha obviously does,” Miroku observed. “I’m just surprised he left you a piece of the Shikon no Tama.”
“He didn’t.”
“WHAT?!!!” Sango shrieked, looking fit to be tied. For his sake, it was a good thing Inuyasha was many miles out of hiraikotsu range. That bastard…he tried to trap Kagome on her side of the well! I’ll kill him! But then, how was Kagome here?
“If you didn’t have a jewel shard, then how did you get through the well?”
“The well let me pass using my miko powers. But I may have damaged it. I don’t…I don’t know if it will even work anymore.”
At this, Sango saw red, her whole body shaking like a rumbling volcano. On top of everything else, that asshole’s stupidity had possibly sealed Kagome in this time? There was a chance that she would never see her family again?! To say the slayer’s intent was murderous in that moment was putting it lightly.
“Will you go after him?” Miroku asked, changing the subject before his fiancée could completely blow her stack.
“Yes, I’ll leave right now.”
“We’ll come with you!” Sango declared, but Kagome shook her head.
“Please,” she begged, “this is something I need to do on my own.”
“B-but—”
“Alright, Kagome-sama,” Miroku interrupted. “We wish you luck.” Holding out his arms, he accepted Shippou, whose sobs had quieted to hiccups.
“Thank you,” Kagome stated solemnly, meeting each of her friend’s eyes in turn. “I’ll be back soon.” With that, she sprinted back the way she had come, quickly vanishing from view.
“Why didn’t you back me up?!” Sango snapped. “Do you want to let her go into the wilderness alone?!”
“No, I do not. But think about it, Sango. Kagome-sama isn’t going to stop until she finds Inuyasha. She certainly doesn’t want to halt for a whole night because a couple humans need to sleep. She can run a lot faster and longer than we can, and Kirara can’t carry us every moment of every day. We would just slow her down.”
Sango growled, cursing his irritating logic, but she knew he was right. Miroku looped his free arm around her shoulders, pulling her to him. “We shall just have to have faith in Kagome-sama…in both of them.”
Sango scoffed, her confidence in Inuyasha seriously lacking at the moment. Miroku didn’t seem to have a much higher opinion of him. But if anyone could find him and set him straight, it was Kagome. Sango would worry about whether to forgive him for this mess later, when they both returned safe and sound. Until then, she knew she would spend much of each day worrying about them, and that created a whole new problem.
“We’ll have to postpone the wedding, Houshi-sama,” she said, expecting an argument.
“Indeed,” was his only reply.
“What? You don’t mind?”
Miroku cracked a small smile at her surprise. Even after all this time, his hentai habits still caused him to be misunderstood.
“I would be too worried about our friends to enjoy the wedding, or our wedding night.”
Sango blushed, as she did whenever he mentioned that particular evening, but she was glad he agreed with her on this. Still, Kagome and Inuyasha needed to reunite soon, more for their own sakes than anything else. Until then, she and Miroku would watch over the village, and keep the faith.
“DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!!!”
Oddly enough, she felt slightly better for her outburst. Mostly, she was just tired, mentally drained. Shoulders drooping, she plodded over to Goshinboku and slumped against the trunk. She heaved a deep breath, trying to calm herself. Maybe she was missing something? Going over what Inuyasha had taught her about tracking, she eventually made the maddening realization that she had done everything right. There just wasn’t any trace of his scent left, plain and simple. Getting a sudden inspiration, she tried searching for the aura of the Shikon no Tama, but it seemed all the pieces of the jewel were too far away for her to detect. Groaning, she curled up her legs and laid her head on her folded arms. I guess all that’s left to do is pick a direction and start walking.
It seemed like such a hopeless approach, and she was reluctant to actually stand up and embark. Part of her just wanted to stay leaning against Goshinboku for the rest of the afternoon, the tree’s comforting presence doing much to soothe her agitated nerves. But reality could not be ignored, and she found herself trying to fight off a rising depression. Laying her head against the trunk, she stared up at the sky, the leaves of the canopy swaying gently with the breeze. The beautiful tranquility of nature pervaded her senses, buoying her spirits. She even managed a tentative smile as a pair of courting songbirds flitted across her vision, twittering excitedly. I can do this. The hard part is over. I’m here, in this time, and so is Inuyasha. I’ll find him, even if I have to search all of Japan. No matter how long it takes.
A subtle pressure drew her attention, pushing against her mind. It was a strange sensation, barely there, but neither hostile nor threatening. She focused on it, all the while wondering what it was. Her miko powers acting up? Probably not; it lacked the aura of purity she had come to associate with her spiritual energy. But then what was it? If felt like it came from within, from some source inside her, and yet…not. Part of it seemed foreign to her subconsciousness, but still familiar. But that didn’t make any sense! How could this feeling come from within and without at the same time? She concentrated harder, and the mysterious sensation became clearer, less fuzzy. She gasped aloud as she recognized the alien presence, her concentration faltering in the process, and the distinct aura of her missing mate vanished.
Frantically she tried to find it again, but her efforts proved fruitless. Oh, no! I sensed him! I know I sensed Inuyasha! What did I do? What was I doing when I first noticed it? If memory served, she had been thinking about how much she wanted to reunite with him, and reaffirming her resolve to make it happen. Closing her eyes, she took several deep breaths, slipping further into a state of meditation with each exhale. Finally, when her body and mind were as calm as they could be under the circumstances, she conjured up those same thoughts, those same positive feelings. Just as before, the sensation arose to press against her consciousness, blurry at first but becoming more vivid as time passed. Now she could see it in her mind’s eye. The blue and pink of her own aura swirled with the fiery crimson of Inuyasha’s in a powerful hurricane, crackles of energy lancing out periodically. It was absolutely breathtaking. Staring at the tempest, she was reminded of Myouga’s words of wisdom from not so long ago. “I don’t know everything about youkai mating. No one does. It’s a very…mysterious thing.” “Perhaps you will begin to manifest some signs of a strong bond eventually.” “Truly powerful bonds occur at the level of the soul.”
Perhaps that’s what she was seeing, the intertwining of their auras, of their very souls. She could think of no other explanation. She knew she shared a strong bond with Inuyasha, but something like this… It blew her away. Now she just needed to figure out a way to use it to find him. As soon as that thought crossed her mind, the red of Inuyasha’s aura darkened, pulsing once. A faint answering pulse came from behind her, so weak that Kagome thought she might have imagined it. But then it pulsed again, and she knew it was no illusion. In her mind’s eye, she turned to face the new energy, her body moving of its own accord to follow. It continued to pulse every few seconds at the same feeble level, seeming to come from far off in the distance. The realization hit her suddenly, jolting her mind so much that the image of the auras shattered. She returned fully to the living world, the sounds and smells of nature filtering back into her awareness. It took her a moment to comprehend the fact that she was no longer leaning against Goshinboku, but standing and facing an entirely new direction. A very specific direction, apparently the same one the pulse had come from in her mind. She grinned brightly as the significance of her discovery dawned. I can sense Inuyasha’s aura through our bond. I can see where he is! Now it was just a matter of tracking him down. Without wasting another moment, she took off into the forest, moving briskly through the trees. I’m coming for you, Inuyasha.
If that wasn’t bad enough, about an hour after sunset the clouds opened up, and rain pelted the landscape, drenching her to the bone. The leaves of the large tree she was huddled against did little to protect her from nature’s cruelty. Cold winds blew, assaulting her with sideways torrents of water. She sneezed and cursed her luck, but knew that the storm might help her in the end. Her shivering would make it more difficult to fall asleep. And she did need to stay awake; there was no telling what lurked outside on a night like this. She was far from helpless against youkai, but without a bow, she was easy prey for ordinary predators. Her greatest fear was that one of the wandering gangs of bandits they periodically came across would find her. She shuddered to think what they would do to her. Hopefully all the predators, animal and human alike, were taking shelter from the rain as she was.
She sneezed again, mentally bashing Inuyasha over the head with a log. He thinks I’m better off without him? Well, Inuyasha? Am I better off now?!
When she woke later that morning, her clothes were more or less dry and she felt completely refreshed. Well, except for the hunger. She was ravenous, and now wondered why she hadn’t listened to her mother and taken a pack. But she refused to waste a whole day running back to the well, so she would have to make do with what she could find. Or catch. She grimaced, remembering how well hunting had gone the last time she tried. She really didn’t want to murder a cute little bunny. Fish, maybe? She could kill a cold-blooded, dumb, not-cute-at-all fish, couldn’t she? But then she would have to cook it, and the whole process would take time. Did she really want to spend several hours preparing a meal? Her growling stomach convinced her that yes, in fact she did. She had not been eating well lately as it was, and she burned a lot of energy yesterday with all the running around. She needed to keep her strength up if she was going to catch Inuyasha, and she wasn’t particularly interested in finding out how long it would take for a hanyou to starve to death.
Decided, she discovered Inuyasha’s aura again and resumed her trek, nose alert for any sign of fresh water. Perhaps an hour in she found what she was looking for: a small woodland stream, only a few feet deep. Her sharp feline eyes could see small fish hiding among the rocks and fallen trees. She removed her hakama and waded into the water, taking her time and slowly creeping up on unsuspecting victims. It took a few tries, but eventually she nabbed her first fish. She removed its head with a quick swipe of her claws, not wanting the poor thing to suffer by flopping around on the bank until it suffocated. She then caught four more fish, deciding to gorge herself now so she wouldn’t have to do this every day.
If killing the fish was hard, gutting them was even more difficult. She had seen Inuyasha do it several times, so following his lead wasn’t that challenging, but it still made her queasy. She was glad it took awhile to gather wood and make a fire; it gave her stomach time to settle down. Not having any matches was nearly fatal to the whole effort, but she was able to set a flame with her miko powers. It made sense; she had scorched a few trees in the past year and a half, but had never actually tried to create fire before. By the time the fish were cooking, the delicious smells wafting to her nose, Kagome’s stomach had shaken off the nausea and was practically snarling in hunger. And with no one around to witness her bad table manners, she had no qualms about wolfing down the meal. Afterwards, she lay back on the ground, patting her sated tummy. Her stomach felt like it had doubled in size, but it was unbelievably nice to be full again. Still, she knew she had taken enough of a break, and after about twenty minutes of digesting she stood up and set off at a fast jog. Her pace was not as vigorous as that of the day before, but she knew she could keep it all day and well into the night. And keep it she did, only stopping to relieve herself and confirm Inuyasha’s location. The moon was high in the dark sky when she finally stopped for the night, and she checked on her mate one last time. Grinning, she decided that he was a little closer than he had been the previous day. For the first time in over a week, Kagome slept with a smile on her face.
What would his friends think? What would Kagome think? He shuddered to consider it. For he had not just vanquished his enemy; he had butchered it. He quickly disabled the creature, overwhelming it with speed and power and tearing each of its six legs off. Then he ripped it apart piece by agonizing piece, rejoicing in its struggles and cries of pain, finding immense pleasure in the heat of the body as he shredded it. He took his time, drawing out the death with unparalleled mercilessness. And when the creature could take no more, and finally expired, he stopped, and did the most horrifying thing of all. He allowed it to reform. Then the revolting cycle began all over again. And again. And again. A total of four times he let the creature come back to life, only to slaughter it once more. Only when he grew tired of the grisly game did he remove the jewel shard and let the poor beast finally die.
He wanted to place the blame for his brutality squarely on his youkai side, but he knew that would be fooling himself. He could have controlled himself if he’d wanted to. But the sad fact was that he hadn’t wanted to stop, and even now it was difficult to feel remorseful. That was why he was disgusted with himself, because the only thing he felt when thinking of the creature was grim satisfaction at its demise. Everything they ever said about me, the reason mothers told their kids to stay away from me…it was all true. I really am just a dirty half-breed.
That had almost no longer been the case. After the massacre was complete, how tempted had he been to surrender completely to the bloodlust, to live through his youkai side, to continue on killing things until he died? He was ashamed at how appealing the thought was to him at the time, and how close he had come to becoming a mindless animal. In the end, only one thing had stopped him. A strange nudge against his consciousness, a brief hint of a presence he thought he would never feel again. Kagome. Even five hundred years in the future, she still managed to save him. Thinking of her gave him the strength to fight off his youkai side, bury it once more. Only then did he feel any negative emotions about his actions. What would Kagome think of him, indeed?
Swatting a pesky fly, he decided that sitting here wallowing in self-loathing would get him nowhere. He needed to get away from here before more youkai were attracted in by the smell. He really didn’t feel like fighting right now. Rising to his feet, he strode over to Tetsusaiga and pulled it out of the dirt. He paused and held the sword up to eye level, alarmed at the change in its aura. It felt empty, for lack of a better word, and he tried to transform it. Nothing. He cracked a sad smile before sliding the sword into its sheath. He couldn’t blame Tetsusaiga for not wanting him as a master anymore. It looked like he wasn’t worthy of his father’s blood, after all.
Nothing changed in the next several hours, or perhaps it was days. He didn’t bother keeping track anymore; his whole existence was mind-numbing monotony. Even the periodic nudges against his mind became part of the routine. They were so faint, and though Kagome came to mind whenever he felt them, he couldn’t begin to suspect that they were anything more than a product of his loneliness. He missed her terribly. But she was better off without him. Much better off.
It was just after dusk one evening when it happened. He smelled her long before the Shinidamachu slithered in overhead, heralding the imminent arrival of their mistress. He had wished for this encounter, but now dreaded it. For he knew what he needed to say, and it left him with a crushing sense of shame. It felt like betrayal. Kikyou emerged from the trees in silence, her expression stoic as ever. But there was something different about the way she moved, an unfamiliar urgency that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. Her eyes were dark and intense, boring into his own, seeking the truth that he was reluctant to give. He held her gaze even as every fiber of his being told him to look away; he would not back down from Kikyou. She had less right to judge him than anyone, with the things she had done since her resurrection. For her part, Kikyou seemed content to put off the obvious questions, beginning the conversation pleasantly enough.
“I have searched for you for many days, Inuyasha,” she said, pausing and giving him a chance to respond. When he did not, she continued. “Initially it was because a strange feeling settled over me. A lightness, a sense of completion, an optimism that made me feel for a brief time that everything was right with the world.” She smiled at the memory. “I could think of only one reason for such an emotion. Naraku is dead, is he not?”
Inuyasha nodded, feeling no joy in the victory, and Kikyou noticed.
“And yet, you look so sad. I can imagine why. Do you remember the first time I saw Kagome in her hanyou form, and I said we shared a link?” He nodded again. “For awhile I could sense only warmth and happiness, and something else that I couldn’t quite identify. But then it was gone, replaced by sorrow and pain, and then Kagome was gone altogether. Now I find you out here alone, days away from the well, by seeking out the large portion of the Shikon no Tama you have in your possession. Tell me, Inuyasha, what has happened to my reincarnation?”
“I-it doesn’t matter,” he muttered quietly, hoping she would just drop it. No such luck.
“It does matter. Those jewel shards in your possession are not glowing with purity as they should be. Why are they not in Kagome’s keeping?”
“Kagome…isn’t here right now.”
“I see. So she is dead then?”
“NO!” Inuyasha cried, shocking himself with the ferocity of his response. “She’s alive—and safe—in her time.”
Kikyou studied him for a moment, analyzing his remorseful demeanor and the hidden meaning behind his words. “So you believe you failed her in some way, and to remedy that failure you abandoned her in her own time?”
Inuyasha cringed at Kikyou’s choice of verb, but made no reply.
“Go back to her, Inuyasha,” the dead priestess ordered, an action which surprised the hanyou even though it probably shouldn’t have. Kikyou had changed, and he could now state with confidence that she genuinely wanted what was best for him. That didn’t mean, however, that she knew what she was talking about.
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I just…can’t.”
“That’s not good enough, Inuyasha. Do you not realize how much my reincarnation needs you?”
“Dammit, Kikyou! I said I can’t go back! You don’t understand. It wasn’t just Kagome I failed, it was our child. Our child! Gone because I was too slow and weak to defeat that fucking insect!” He stopped, taking several shallow breaths and blinking back tears. “I have nothing left, Kikyou. Kagome won’t even be born for almost five hundred years. Please, help me complete and purify the Shikon no Tama. Then…then I will join you in hell.”
Kikyou stared at him for a long moment, then cracked a wry smile. “It is ironic that Kagome always considered herself second best, and now you are only willing to join me in hell because you think you cannot have her. In the end, I was second best.” Her grin faded, and sighing, she held out her hand. “Give me the jewel.”
Inuyasha pulled the large piece and small shards of the Shikon no Tama out of his robes, holding them in his palm. They were still pink, but dulled, well on their way to becoming defiled with sorrow and hate. He gratefully placed them in Kikyou’s hand.
“Thank you, Kikyou.”
“I did not say I would help you,” she retorted, nevertheless placing the pieces of the jewel inside her own robes. Later she would fuse them together and work to instill them with purity to reverse the effects of being in a miserable hanyou’s keep for too long. “Now go back to my reincarnation.”
Inuyasha snarled. “I already told you I ca—”
“Damn you, Inuyasha! I did not release you so you could abandon your soul mate and wallow in self-pity! I did it because you said you loved her! How hollow is that love, Inuyasha, that you will forsake her now when she needs you the most?”
“It’s not like that! I still love her!” he answered, his voice desperate, as if he was trying to convince himself of the truth of his declaration. Kikyou’s words had cut him deeply, sent his mind and carefully constructed resolve reeling.
“How can I believe you? Saying you love someone is not enough! You must prove it through your actions!” Seeing that Inuyasha had clammed up, and she would get no further response from him, Kikyou snorted in disgust and turned to leave. “I will take these pieces of the Shikon no Tama to prevent them from being further tainted by your self-loathing. It makes me regret ever releasing you. But then, when I see the pitiful shell of a man you have become, I do not regret it at all. Do not enter my presence again, Inuyasha, unless my reincarnation is with you.”
With that, she was gone, taking with her the glow of the Shinidamachu. Still, the darkness of the night could not compare to the darkness in Inuyasha’s heart.
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Searching
Inuyasha stumbled, nearly falling on his face before righting himself. His heart had quite literally skipped a beat, and now it pumped faster for no apparent reason. He felt strange, like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. It was a good feeling, but he couldn’t place it, so he brushed it off. What did he have to feel good about these days, anyway?
Time was no longer of any importance; he just wandered, traveling wherever his feet took him. It had probably been a few days since he left the well, but he couldn’t be sure. Along the way he had slain perhaps a dozen youkai, all of them seeking the Shikon no Tama. The ones that started to reform afterwards he tore into a hundred pieces, not stopping until he found the shards that revived them. He now possessed the large chunk he and Kagome had accumulated, plus three small shards which he lacked the power to merge with the larger piece. Youkai attacks were one of the few things that broke the monotony of his existence. He walked, found food when he was hungry, and defended himself when danger arose. That was it. Sometimes, he didn’t even feel like doing that. But he wasn’t about to let some small fry youkai kill him. If he was going to die, he would do it honorably, by committing seppuku.
But he had no intention of purposely ending his life. That was the easy way out; living was much more difficult. He could not leave the jewel out in the open for any youkai to pick up, nor could he give it to his friends for them to watch over. Sango and Miroku had been through so much already, and they deserved to live in peace now and start a family. That was one of the reasons he had left the village without speaking to them. Another was that they would probably tell him he was being stupid and to go back to Kagome. But they just didn’t understand! And he didn’t feel like arguing with them. Regardless, they were far better off without him and the jewel in their lives. He would complete the Shikon no Tama or die trying, and then he would find some way to purify it. Perhaps Kikyou could help him. What did it matter if he saw her now? Kagome wasn’t around to get her feelings hurt, and she would never find out. He hoped to run into the undead miko at some point during his wanderings.
Suddenly, a familiar scent reached his nose, causing him to stop in his tracks. It took him a moment to place it, but when he did a malicious grin formed on his lips. Focusing his gaze on the far end of the large meadow he was currently in, he spied the beast. It darted to and fro, feelers and jaws twitching, its brightly-colored carapace shining in the sun. Inuyasha’s grin widened. What luck! That he would have a chance to take revenge upon the creature which had ruined his life must be a gift from the Kami. A small blessing, one that paled in comparison to what they had taken away from him, but a blessing nonetheless. He would take advantage of it. He pulled out Tetsusaiga but did not transform it, instead jamming it into the earth by his side. He desired the tactile pleasure of shredding armour and gristle with his claws; a quick victory would not be enough to satisfy him this time. He would tear this monster apart, slowly. No longer encumbered by the sword’s seal, his youkai side clamored for release, pressing against his consciousness. He saw no reason to resist; perhaps he would derive greater enjoyment from the slaughter in his more feral form.
Quickly the transformation was complete, and a sadistic cackle rent the air. Then, with a vicious howl, one monster charged the other. The once peaceful meadow was forever stained with violence, hatred, and blood.
* * *
Kagome inhaled deeply from the bottom of the well, enjoying the clean feudal era atmosphere. It was good to be back. But she had a mate to find. She wasn’t exactly sure what she would do when she found Inuyasha, but the baka at least deserved a good wallop. Leaping out of the well, she was not surprised to find the clearing deserted. She spent a few minutes on her hands and knees, sniffing the grass and bushes for any trace of his scent. Did smells even last three days? She didn’t know, nor did she know whether it had rained since he had last been here. At any rate, her efforts proved unsuccessful; Inuyasha’s scent was nowhere to be found. She was almost certain he was no longer in the area; if he was truly disgusted with himself, he would probably choose to go back to his solitary life. But she couldn’t be sure until she checked with her friends at the village. She prayed she was wrong and they had seen him. Otherwise, how in the world was she going to find him? Miroku was meditating on the grass outside Kaede’s hut when she arrived, but he sensed her approach and rose to meet her.
“Ah, Kagome-sama, it is good to see you again. Did you and Inuyasha enjoy your trip?” he asked, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. His grin vanished when Kagome flinched, lowering her eyes. “Kagome-sama? What’s wrong?” Before the miko could answer, a furry blur shot out of the hut in her direction.
“Kagome!” Shippou called as he leapt into her arms. Kagome caught him with practiced ease, her eyes watering as she held him, squeezing him a little tighter than usual. Only now did she realize how precious, how vulnerable he was, and how much she missed him. Life, especially young life, was so fragile. She didn’t know what she would do if anything happened to little Shippou.
“Kagome-chan?” Sango inquired, having followed the fox kit outside. “What’s wrong? Where’s Inuyasha?”
Kagome grimaced; she really should have expected this. Her friends knew her too well to not realize something was bothering her. Of course, she had done a pitiful job of concealing it. Sniffling, she cleared her throat.
“You haven’t seen him around here?”
“No, where is he?”
“He…left.”
“What?! What do you mean ‘he left?’” Sango demanded, her fury at the baka hanyou who could apparently still make Kagome cry rising rapidly. Kagome sighed, knowing there was no avoiding it now; she would have to come clean. She glanced down at Shippou, debating whether he should hear what happened. But she could see how concerned he was; it would probably be crueler to send him away and keep the truth from him. A worried companion’s imagination could conjure up scenarios that were even worse than the actual tragedy, and she wouldn’t put Shippou through that.
“I was pregnant,” she confessed at last. Her friends brightened momentarily, mirroring the reaction of her mother. After letting her words settle for a few seconds, Kagome knew she didn’t need to provide any more explanation for Miroku or Sango. Shippou was another story.
“Is that bad?” he posed innocently. “I thought babies were blessings.”
Kagome smiled sadly down at him. “You’re right, Shippou-chan; they are blessings. But a monster attacked us, and hit me right here,” she said, holding his tiny hand against her belly. “And…the baby died.”
Kagome’s heart broke again as understanding dawned, and his face darkened in grief. His lip quivered and tears welled in his eyes. Kagome held him tightly as he bawled into her shoulder, gently rocking him as he cried out his sorrow.
“Let me guess,” Miroku spoke up grimly after awhile, “Inuyasha blamed himself for this and left you in your time?”
Kagome nodded, once again berating herself for not realizing that herself. If it had been so obvious to Miroku, it should have been clear to her as well.
“Was it his fault?” Sango inquired evenly, though a hint of anger was present in her tone. She was still furious with Inuyasha for abandoning Kagome in any circumstances, even if the loss of their child was completely his fault, which she seriously doubted. Mates and spouses needed to stick together no matter what. Why couldn’t that baka hanyou see that?
“No,” Kagome replied. “Well, I suppose it was both out faults. We both failed; you can’t blame just one of us.”
“But Inuyasha obviously does,” Miroku observed. “I’m just surprised he left you a piece of the Shikon no Tama.”
“He didn’t.”
“WHAT?!!!” Sango shrieked, looking fit to be tied. For his sake, it was a good thing Inuyasha was many miles out of hiraikotsu range. That bastard…he tried to trap Kagome on her side of the well! I’ll kill him! But then, how was Kagome here?
“If you didn’t have a jewel shard, then how did you get through the well?”
“The well let me pass using my miko powers. But I may have damaged it. I don’t…I don’t know if it will even work anymore.”
At this, Sango saw red, her whole body shaking like a rumbling volcano. On top of everything else, that asshole’s stupidity had possibly sealed Kagome in this time? There was a chance that she would never see her family again?! To say the slayer’s intent was murderous in that moment was putting it lightly.
“Will you go after him?” Miroku asked, changing the subject before his fiancée could completely blow her stack.
“Yes, I’ll leave right now.”
“We’ll come with you!” Sango declared, but Kagome shook her head.
“Please,” she begged, “this is something I need to do on my own.”
“B-but—”
“Alright, Kagome-sama,” Miroku interrupted. “We wish you luck.” Holding out his arms, he accepted Shippou, whose sobs had quieted to hiccups.
“Thank you,” Kagome stated solemnly, meeting each of her friend’s eyes in turn. “I’ll be back soon.” With that, she sprinted back the way she had come, quickly vanishing from view.
“Why didn’t you back me up?!” Sango snapped. “Do you want to let her go into the wilderness alone?!”
“No, I do not. But think about it, Sango. Kagome-sama isn’t going to stop until she finds Inuyasha. She certainly doesn’t want to halt for a whole night because a couple humans need to sleep. She can run a lot faster and longer than we can, and Kirara can’t carry us every moment of every day. We would just slow her down.”
Sango growled, cursing his irritating logic, but she knew he was right. Miroku looped his free arm around her shoulders, pulling her to him. “We shall just have to have faith in Kagome-sama…in both of them.”
Sango scoffed, her confidence in Inuyasha seriously lacking at the moment. Miroku didn’t seem to have a much higher opinion of him. But if anyone could find him and set him straight, it was Kagome. Sango would worry about whether to forgive him for this mess later, when they both returned safe and sound. Until then, she knew she would spend much of each day worrying about them, and that created a whole new problem.
“We’ll have to postpone the wedding, Houshi-sama,” she said, expecting an argument.
“Indeed,” was his only reply.
“What? You don’t mind?”
Miroku cracked a small smile at her surprise. Even after all this time, his hentai habits still caused him to be misunderstood.
“I would be too worried about our friends to enjoy the wedding, or our wedding night.”
Sango blushed, as she did whenever he mentioned that particular evening, but she was glad he agreed with her on this. Still, Kagome and Inuyasha needed to reunite soon, more for their own sakes than anything else. Until then, she and Miroku would watch over the village, and keep the faith.
* * *
Kagome paced frantically in front of the well, contemplating the same question she had already asked herself a hundred times. How the hell am I going to find him?! She had spent a whole hour scouring the area, but could find no trace of Inuyasha. So what options were left? Setting out in some random direction was virtually assured to get her nowhere fast. But what else could she do? Sit around here and hope he came back eventually? Not likely. “DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!!!”
Oddly enough, she felt slightly better for her outburst. Mostly, she was just tired, mentally drained. Shoulders drooping, she plodded over to Goshinboku and slumped against the trunk. She heaved a deep breath, trying to calm herself. Maybe she was missing something? Going over what Inuyasha had taught her about tracking, she eventually made the maddening realization that she had done everything right. There just wasn’t any trace of his scent left, plain and simple. Getting a sudden inspiration, she tried searching for the aura of the Shikon no Tama, but it seemed all the pieces of the jewel were too far away for her to detect. Groaning, she curled up her legs and laid her head on her folded arms. I guess all that’s left to do is pick a direction and start walking.
It seemed like such a hopeless approach, and she was reluctant to actually stand up and embark. Part of her just wanted to stay leaning against Goshinboku for the rest of the afternoon, the tree’s comforting presence doing much to soothe her agitated nerves. But reality could not be ignored, and she found herself trying to fight off a rising depression. Laying her head against the trunk, she stared up at the sky, the leaves of the canopy swaying gently with the breeze. The beautiful tranquility of nature pervaded her senses, buoying her spirits. She even managed a tentative smile as a pair of courting songbirds flitted across her vision, twittering excitedly. I can do this. The hard part is over. I’m here, in this time, and so is Inuyasha. I’ll find him, even if I have to search all of Japan. No matter how long it takes.
A subtle pressure drew her attention, pushing against her mind. It was a strange sensation, barely there, but neither hostile nor threatening. She focused on it, all the while wondering what it was. Her miko powers acting up? Probably not; it lacked the aura of purity she had come to associate with her spiritual energy. But then what was it? If felt like it came from within, from some source inside her, and yet…not. Part of it seemed foreign to her subconsciousness, but still familiar. But that didn’t make any sense! How could this feeling come from within and without at the same time? She concentrated harder, and the mysterious sensation became clearer, less fuzzy. She gasped aloud as she recognized the alien presence, her concentration faltering in the process, and the distinct aura of her missing mate vanished.
Frantically she tried to find it again, but her efforts proved fruitless. Oh, no! I sensed him! I know I sensed Inuyasha! What did I do? What was I doing when I first noticed it? If memory served, she had been thinking about how much she wanted to reunite with him, and reaffirming her resolve to make it happen. Closing her eyes, she took several deep breaths, slipping further into a state of meditation with each exhale. Finally, when her body and mind were as calm as they could be under the circumstances, she conjured up those same thoughts, those same positive feelings. Just as before, the sensation arose to press against her consciousness, blurry at first but becoming more vivid as time passed. Now she could see it in her mind’s eye. The blue and pink of her own aura swirled with the fiery crimson of Inuyasha’s in a powerful hurricane, crackles of energy lancing out periodically. It was absolutely breathtaking. Staring at the tempest, she was reminded of Myouga’s words of wisdom from not so long ago. “I don’t know everything about youkai mating. No one does. It’s a very…mysterious thing.” “Perhaps you will begin to manifest some signs of a strong bond eventually.” “Truly powerful bonds occur at the level of the soul.”
Perhaps that’s what she was seeing, the intertwining of their auras, of their very souls. She could think of no other explanation. She knew she shared a strong bond with Inuyasha, but something like this… It blew her away. Now she just needed to figure out a way to use it to find him. As soon as that thought crossed her mind, the red of Inuyasha’s aura darkened, pulsing once. A faint answering pulse came from behind her, so weak that Kagome thought she might have imagined it. But then it pulsed again, and she knew it was no illusion. In her mind’s eye, she turned to face the new energy, her body moving of its own accord to follow. It continued to pulse every few seconds at the same feeble level, seeming to come from far off in the distance. The realization hit her suddenly, jolting her mind so much that the image of the auras shattered. She returned fully to the living world, the sounds and smells of nature filtering back into her awareness. It took her a moment to comprehend the fact that she was no longer leaning against Goshinboku, but standing and facing an entirely new direction. A very specific direction, apparently the same one the pulse had come from in her mind. She grinned brightly as the significance of her discovery dawned. I can sense Inuyasha’s aura through our bond. I can see where he is! Now it was just a matter of tracking him down. Without wasting another moment, she took off into the forest, moving briskly through the trees. I’m coming for you, Inuyasha.
* * *
For the rest of the afternoon Kagome ran, stopping occasionally to focus her mind and pick up Inuyasha’s aura once more. He didn’t seem to be getting any closer, but hopefully that would change in the coming days. By dusk she was quite tired, having never run for that long before, but she resolved to push on through at least part of the night before catching some shuteye. Then, disaster struck. A sudden headache began, quickly rising in intensity. She knew what was happening by the time the body aches and nausea set in, and she was not pleased. A short bout of dizziness later, and she was fully human. In the middle of a strange forest. Alone. If that wasn’t bad enough, about an hour after sunset the clouds opened up, and rain pelted the landscape, drenching her to the bone. The leaves of the large tree she was huddled against did little to protect her from nature’s cruelty. Cold winds blew, assaulting her with sideways torrents of water. She sneezed and cursed her luck, but knew that the storm might help her in the end. Her shivering would make it more difficult to fall asleep. And she did need to stay awake; there was no telling what lurked outside on a night like this. She was far from helpless against youkai, but without a bow, she was easy prey for ordinary predators. Her greatest fear was that one of the wandering gangs of bandits they periodically came across would find her. She shuddered to think what they would do to her. Hopefully all the predators, animal and human alike, were taking shelter from the rain as she was.
She sneezed again, mentally bashing Inuyasha over the head with a log. He thinks I’m better off without him? Well, Inuyasha? Am I better off now?!
* * *
Kagome woke with a start, shooting upright, eyes and ears darting around the area. Her sudden movement startled the small hare which had roused her, and the creature darted into the underbrush. It took a moment for the miko’s lucidity to return, and when it did she glanced down at herself with wide eyes, amazed she was still in once piece. Shit! I fell asleep! But apparently no harm had come of it; perhaps her luck wasn’t so bad after all. And she was hanyou once more, so the dangers of the previous night had largely passed. There was still the matter of her sopping wet clothes, as well as her chilled skin. A shiver ran through her, and she knew that she couldn’t continue the journey with her clothes soaked as they were. She had never known Inuyasha to fall ill, but that didn’t mean hanyou couldn’t get sick. Fortunately, the storm had fully dissipated, and the sun shined brightly down upon the world. After removing her hakama and kosode, she wrung them out and laid them out on a clear patch of grass to sun dry. Yawning, and with nothing else to do, she stretched out on the same patch to take a nap. She didn’t particularly care if someone saw her in her underwear; she trusted her hanyou senses to alert her should any real danger approach. When she woke later that morning, her clothes were more or less dry and she felt completely refreshed. Well, except for the hunger. She was ravenous, and now wondered why she hadn’t listened to her mother and taken a pack. But she refused to waste a whole day running back to the well, so she would have to make do with what she could find. Or catch. She grimaced, remembering how well hunting had gone the last time she tried. She really didn’t want to murder a cute little bunny. Fish, maybe? She could kill a cold-blooded, dumb, not-cute-at-all fish, couldn’t she? But then she would have to cook it, and the whole process would take time. Did she really want to spend several hours preparing a meal? Her growling stomach convinced her that yes, in fact she did. She had not been eating well lately as it was, and she burned a lot of energy yesterday with all the running around. She needed to keep her strength up if she was going to catch Inuyasha, and she wasn’t particularly interested in finding out how long it would take for a hanyou to starve to death.
Decided, she discovered Inuyasha’s aura again and resumed her trek, nose alert for any sign of fresh water. Perhaps an hour in she found what she was looking for: a small woodland stream, only a few feet deep. Her sharp feline eyes could see small fish hiding among the rocks and fallen trees. She removed her hakama and waded into the water, taking her time and slowly creeping up on unsuspecting victims. It took a few tries, but eventually she nabbed her first fish. She removed its head with a quick swipe of her claws, not wanting the poor thing to suffer by flopping around on the bank until it suffocated. She then caught four more fish, deciding to gorge herself now so she wouldn’t have to do this every day.
If killing the fish was hard, gutting them was even more difficult. She had seen Inuyasha do it several times, so following his lead wasn’t that challenging, but it still made her queasy. She was glad it took awhile to gather wood and make a fire; it gave her stomach time to settle down. Not having any matches was nearly fatal to the whole effort, but she was able to set a flame with her miko powers. It made sense; she had scorched a few trees in the past year and a half, but had never actually tried to create fire before. By the time the fish were cooking, the delicious smells wafting to her nose, Kagome’s stomach had shaken off the nausea and was practically snarling in hunger. And with no one around to witness her bad table manners, she had no qualms about wolfing down the meal. Afterwards, she lay back on the ground, patting her sated tummy. Her stomach felt like it had doubled in size, but it was unbelievably nice to be full again. Still, she knew she had taken enough of a break, and after about twenty minutes of digesting she stood up and set off at a fast jog. Her pace was not as vigorous as that of the day before, but she knew she could keep it all day and well into the night. And keep it she did, only stopping to relieve herself and confirm Inuyasha’s location. The moon was high in the dark sky when she finally stopped for the night, and she checked on her mate one last time. Grinning, she decided that he was a little closer than he had been the previous day. For the first time in over a week, Kagome slept with a smile on her face.
* * *
Inuyasha sat in the middle of the meadow, completely and utterly disgusted with himself. The once mighty insect lay scattered in a thousand pieces across the clearing, the largest the size of his head. The ground was saturated with blood and gore, and his clothes, hair, and exposed skin were covered in a layer of vile fluids and entrails. He raised his right hand, shaking off the remains of what was once an internal organ. In his palm rested a new shard of the Shikon no Tama, darkened with a frightening tint of blackness that also permeated the other shards in his possession. That was no surprise, considering the carnage he had just wrought in his crazed full-youkai state. What would his friends think? What would Kagome think? He shuddered to consider it. For he had not just vanquished his enemy; he had butchered it. He quickly disabled the creature, overwhelming it with speed and power and tearing each of its six legs off. Then he ripped it apart piece by agonizing piece, rejoicing in its struggles and cries of pain, finding immense pleasure in the heat of the body as he shredded it. He took his time, drawing out the death with unparalleled mercilessness. And when the creature could take no more, and finally expired, he stopped, and did the most horrifying thing of all. He allowed it to reform. Then the revolting cycle began all over again. And again. And again. A total of four times he let the creature come back to life, only to slaughter it once more. Only when he grew tired of the grisly game did he remove the jewel shard and let the poor beast finally die.
He wanted to place the blame for his brutality squarely on his youkai side, but he knew that would be fooling himself. He could have controlled himself if he’d wanted to. But the sad fact was that he hadn’t wanted to stop, and even now it was difficult to feel remorseful. That was why he was disgusted with himself, because the only thing he felt when thinking of the creature was grim satisfaction at its demise. Everything they ever said about me, the reason mothers told their kids to stay away from me…it was all true. I really am just a dirty half-breed.
That had almost no longer been the case. After the massacre was complete, how tempted had he been to surrender completely to the bloodlust, to live through his youkai side, to continue on killing things until he died? He was ashamed at how appealing the thought was to him at the time, and how close he had come to becoming a mindless animal. In the end, only one thing had stopped him. A strange nudge against his consciousness, a brief hint of a presence he thought he would never feel again. Kagome. Even five hundred years in the future, she still managed to save him. Thinking of her gave him the strength to fight off his youkai side, bury it once more. Only then did he feel any negative emotions about his actions. What would Kagome think of him, indeed?
Swatting a pesky fly, he decided that sitting here wallowing in self-loathing would get him nowhere. He needed to get away from here before more youkai were attracted in by the smell. He really didn’t feel like fighting right now. Rising to his feet, he strode over to Tetsusaiga and pulled it out of the dirt. He paused and held the sword up to eye level, alarmed at the change in its aura. It felt empty, for lack of a better word, and he tried to transform it. Nothing. He cracked a sad smile before sliding the sword into its sheath. He couldn’t blame Tetsusaiga for not wanting him as a master anymore. It looked like he wasn’t worthy of his father’s blood, after all.
Nothing changed in the next several hours, or perhaps it was days. He didn’t bother keeping track anymore; his whole existence was mind-numbing monotony. Even the periodic nudges against his mind became part of the routine. They were so faint, and though Kagome came to mind whenever he felt them, he couldn’t begin to suspect that they were anything more than a product of his loneliness. He missed her terribly. But she was better off without him. Much better off.
It was just after dusk one evening when it happened. He smelled her long before the Shinidamachu slithered in overhead, heralding the imminent arrival of their mistress. He had wished for this encounter, but now dreaded it. For he knew what he needed to say, and it left him with a crushing sense of shame. It felt like betrayal. Kikyou emerged from the trees in silence, her expression stoic as ever. But there was something different about the way she moved, an unfamiliar urgency that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. Her eyes were dark and intense, boring into his own, seeking the truth that he was reluctant to give. He held her gaze even as every fiber of his being told him to look away; he would not back down from Kikyou. She had less right to judge him than anyone, with the things she had done since her resurrection. For her part, Kikyou seemed content to put off the obvious questions, beginning the conversation pleasantly enough.
“I have searched for you for many days, Inuyasha,” she said, pausing and giving him a chance to respond. When he did not, she continued. “Initially it was because a strange feeling settled over me. A lightness, a sense of completion, an optimism that made me feel for a brief time that everything was right with the world.” She smiled at the memory. “I could think of only one reason for such an emotion. Naraku is dead, is he not?”
Inuyasha nodded, feeling no joy in the victory, and Kikyou noticed.
“And yet, you look so sad. I can imagine why. Do you remember the first time I saw Kagome in her hanyou form, and I said we shared a link?” He nodded again. “For awhile I could sense only warmth and happiness, and something else that I couldn’t quite identify. But then it was gone, replaced by sorrow and pain, and then Kagome was gone altogether. Now I find you out here alone, days away from the well, by seeking out the large portion of the Shikon no Tama you have in your possession. Tell me, Inuyasha, what has happened to my reincarnation?”
“I-it doesn’t matter,” he muttered quietly, hoping she would just drop it. No such luck.
“It does matter. Those jewel shards in your possession are not glowing with purity as they should be. Why are they not in Kagome’s keeping?”
“Kagome…isn’t here right now.”
“I see. So she is dead then?”
“NO!” Inuyasha cried, shocking himself with the ferocity of his response. “She’s alive—and safe—in her time.”
Kikyou studied him for a moment, analyzing his remorseful demeanor and the hidden meaning behind his words. “So you believe you failed her in some way, and to remedy that failure you abandoned her in her own time?”
Inuyasha cringed at Kikyou’s choice of verb, but made no reply.
“Go back to her, Inuyasha,” the dead priestess ordered, an action which surprised the hanyou even though it probably shouldn’t have. Kikyou had changed, and he could now state with confidence that she genuinely wanted what was best for him. That didn’t mean, however, that she knew what she was talking about.
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I just…can’t.”
“That’s not good enough, Inuyasha. Do you not realize how much my reincarnation needs you?”
“Dammit, Kikyou! I said I can’t go back! You don’t understand. It wasn’t just Kagome I failed, it was our child. Our child! Gone because I was too slow and weak to defeat that fucking insect!” He stopped, taking several shallow breaths and blinking back tears. “I have nothing left, Kikyou. Kagome won’t even be born for almost five hundred years. Please, help me complete and purify the Shikon no Tama. Then…then I will join you in hell.”
Kikyou stared at him for a long moment, then cracked a wry smile. “It is ironic that Kagome always considered herself second best, and now you are only willing to join me in hell because you think you cannot have her. In the end, I was second best.” Her grin faded, and sighing, she held out her hand. “Give me the jewel.”
Inuyasha pulled the large piece and small shards of the Shikon no Tama out of his robes, holding them in his palm. They were still pink, but dulled, well on their way to becoming defiled with sorrow and hate. He gratefully placed them in Kikyou’s hand.
“Thank you, Kikyou.”
“I did not say I would help you,” she retorted, nevertheless placing the pieces of the jewel inside her own robes. Later she would fuse them together and work to instill them with purity to reverse the effects of being in a miserable hanyou’s keep for too long. “Now go back to my reincarnation.”
Inuyasha snarled. “I already told you I ca—”
“Damn you, Inuyasha! I did not release you so you could abandon your soul mate and wallow in self-pity! I did it because you said you loved her! How hollow is that love, Inuyasha, that you will forsake her now when she needs you the most?”
“It’s not like that! I still love her!” he answered, his voice desperate, as if he was trying to convince himself of the truth of his declaration. Kikyou’s words had cut him deeply, sent his mind and carefully constructed resolve reeling.
“How can I believe you? Saying you love someone is not enough! You must prove it through your actions!” Seeing that Inuyasha had clammed up, and she would get no further response from him, Kikyou snorted in disgust and turned to leave. “I will take these pieces of the Shikon no Tama to prevent them from being further tainted by your self-loathing. It makes me regret ever releasing you. But then, when I see the pitiful shell of a man you have become, I do not regret it at all. Do not enter my presence again, Inuyasha, unless my reincarnation is with you.”
With that, she was gone, taking with her the glow of the Shinidamachu. Still, the darkness of the night could not compare to the darkness in Inuyasha’s heart.
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