InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Miscommunication ❯ Chapter 4

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Chapter 4

Inuyasha felt like he was drowning, and the hellish thing about it is that he wanted to drown, he was happy to go this way. Death never tasted so good, nor felt so soul-shiveringly awesome - and then Kagome pulled away, gasping for breath, and he realized that he was still alive, still needed air as much as she did.

Gazing down into her wide eyes, he couldn't even imagine letting her ever leave his side again, there was just no way... and with a groan that was ripped from his soul, he bent and took her mouth again, feeling the need for her burn through him, wrapping him in desperation...

Kagome felt tears slip down her face, she could feel the need in Inuyasha as he kissed the daylights out of her, pressing herself even tighter to him, she wrapped her arms around his neck. Holding onto him for all she was worth, she could feel herself about to slide down... her knees were weakening at an alarming rate, and then, when he thrust his hands under her shirt and ran his claws gently up her back, her knees actually did give way, and if he hadn't been holding her, she would have collapsed.

Pulling back again, gasping, he spoke. "Kami... Kagome, you have no idea what you're doing to me, do you?" He leaned his forehead against hers, trying to regain his breath, and closed his eyes.

"Hell, woman... where would you even get the idea that I'd ever want to let you go? There's no way I'm going to lose you, Kagome, the only way you'll get away from me again is if you die... and even then, you won't get away - 'cause I'll follow you." He opened his eyes then, staring right into hers.

"Remember that, woman, if you die, I'll be right behind you."

She was awed by what she saw in his eyes. He meant every word, they were being torn from the very depths of his soul.

How could he feel so deeply about this, about us, when he doesn't love me? I just don't understand...

Clearing her throat, she pulled away from the support of his arms, attempting to stand on her own.

Reluctantly, Inuyasha let her pull back, still trying to get his breath back. He knew that now was probably not the time. Knowing his mate, she'd be wanting a bath before he had any chance of getting what he so desperately wanted, so, in spite of the fact that he was terribly turned on, and letting her go at that moment was about the hardest thing he'd ever done, he managed it.

Stepping away, he cracked his knuckles absently, before turning and moving awkwardly back towards the fire.

"Kagome."

The girl blinked. "Yeah?"

"If you want to bathe, there's a hot spring just south of here. I can take you there, and while you bathe, I can hunt." He ran his hand over his eyes, trying to bring his mind back into focus.

"That way we'll kill two birds with one stone."

"Umm... k... yeah, I'd love to take a bath. Uh, thanks, Inuyasha." She looked down, blushing, and walked back towards her bag. Digging through it quickly, she drug out the things she'd need, and then joined him at the mouth of the cave.

"I'm, uh, ready now."

"Yeah." He tilted his head at her, a small smile gracing his face, as he took note of her flustered look. "I can see that, wench." Shaking his head and still smiling, he motioned for her to follow him.

"Let's go, then. I'd like to get this done."

Nodding, she followed him from the cave, looking around her. She wondered where they were in relation to the village. She didn't recognize the area at all, and she thought she knew where most of the hot springs within a hundred miles of the village were. This place was new, and from what she could see, very isolated.

It was a beautiful area, though, that much was for sure, with sakura trees in full bloom perfuming the air around them.

I wonder how Inuyasha knew about this place?

Inuyasha stepped into the small clearing around the hot springs, waiting for her reaction.

And he wasn't disappointed.

As she broke the surrounding foliage, she let out a gasp of pure, untainted delight. This place... it was, was... heaven on earth.

Her eyes, widened to their fullest extent, traced the outline of the clearing, drinking in the absolute beauty. The springs themselves sat against a sheer cliff face, one that towered a thousand feet above them. In front of the water, a small meadow, threaded here and there with flowers, and with ankle high grass, slept deeply in the gentle sunlight.

Surrounding that, completely hiding this place, was a line of sakura trees, bathing the entire area in the enchanting scent of the blossoms that sat on the trees, and lay thickly on the ground as well.

Kagome had never seen anyplace more beautiful in her entire life.

Turning to look at Inuyasha, she smiled the most brilliant smile he'd ever seen on her sweet face, and taking a couple of steps, she launched herself into his arms, hugging him tightly.

"Thank you, Inuyasha, for showing this place to me. I'll never forget this... how beautiful it is."

He blushed slightly and looked away as she stepped back.

"Keh. Glad you like it, wench. Go on then, take your bath. I'll be back in a little while. If you need me, just yell, I'll stay within earshot." Turning, he walked off, disappearing back into the trees.

Kagome shook her head, completely bemused. She didn't know if she'd ever understand the hanyou she was now mated to, but apparently she'd have plenty of time to try, anyway.

Gathering herself, she walked forward, drawn to the water like a bee to honey. She shed her clothes as she walked, and stepping into the hot water, sighed in bliss, as she laid back against the stones surrounding the edges of the spring.

As she lay, reveling in the caress of the hot water on her skin, her thoughts went back to the situation she found herself in. Things just didn't add up to her wholly human heart.

How could he be the way he was with her? And all of his behavior towards her could be explained by her scent? He was half youkai, and she was human. The way he apparently saw things, made no sense to her at all.

And maybe that was the problem. How were they ever gonna be able to make this work? How do you break down an obstacle like this? she thought.

She sighed, wondering if her heart would ever be whole again. She didn't want to live as close as you could get to eternity with this... feeling, as if she had a hole punched through her.

I just don't think I'm strong enough....

Her expression saddened.

Does he really even see me? Obviously, he knows what love is, he's capable of feeling it, because he felt it for Kikyou. And yet, despite the fact that he made me his mate, and seems desperate to keep me by his side... he doesn't love me. How am I supposed to live with that?

Slipping under the water, she tilted her head back, letting the water hide her sudden tears.

I feel so alone... who can I even talk to about this? I can't talk to mom, and even Sango can't possibly know what it's like to be staring eternity down with a hole in your heart.

Sitting back up, she reached for her bathing supplies, and began washing. It was funny how something that had changed her life forever, hadn't really left any sign on her body at all, the only thing that told of her de-flowering was a slight soreness between her legs. And even that was very slight.

This whole thing reminded her of a song she'd heard once. Pulling her legs up towards her chest with a sigh, she rested her chin on her knees, her mind settling deeper into her morose thoughts.

Inuyasha hadn't really gone very far, and he'd returned quickly, having caught several rabbits, and gutted and cleaned them swiftly. So it was that he was within hearing when he heard her singing. She sounded so sad, as if there was no corner of her soul that sadness didn't permeate.

What's wrong with her? Dammit! For the first time in over a hundred years, I miss mother. She could have talked to Kagome, made her understand all this... I just don't understand why she's so sad! What am I missing? What haven't I said? What does she want from me?

His thoughts kept whirling around, getting him nowhere, and he began to get frustrated. Stepping forward from where he'd been standing guard, he walked into the clearing... and his breath caught in his throat. His mate was just standing up, and he was stunned into immobility at the sight.

Kami... his throat closed and he choked at the rush of emotion that hit him, his golden eyes blinking suddenly as he fought tears for the first time in years.

He knew if he stayed, things would get out of hand quickly, so he stepped back out of sight, almost stumbling. She'd really knocked him for a loop. He didn't think he'd ever forget that vision... a thousand years from now it would still be just as clear in his mind as it was at this moment.

So beautiful... Kami, so beautiful!

Sitting down, he placed his catch on the rock next to him and just stared into space, completely lost in his thoughts.

He'd bet his life on the fact that she had no idea of all the ways she affected him. Before he'd met her, no one could have convinced him that anyone could feel so many things all at once, even some things that seemed to conflict.

He'd always thought that these human emotions were what weakened him, but now, with a curious inversion of his original idea, he realized it was these emotions that made him stronger, made him able to keep fighting when he should have been beaten, and all to protect the woman who owned his soul.

Because that's what she did.

She owned him, and he wasn't afraid of that, not anymore. But despite the fact that these feelings roiled inside him, he had no idea how to let Kagome know... he didn't have the words. And he was beginning to suspect that's what had her so sad.

She needed the words.

So how was he going to break them out of this vicious circle? He let his head fall into his hands. Damn.....

"Inuyasha?"

He jerked his head up at the soft inquiry, and stared. She was standing there with a soft, tentative smile. "Are you done, wench?" He cleared his throat, sounding gruff.

"Yeah. I'm done. Thank you for that... I feel a lot better now." She smiled again, looking shyly at him.

He cleared his throat again. Fuck!

"Okay... uh, your welcome. Let's go."

Standing, he moved forward, taking the point position, just slightly in front of her. He always walked this way, it was an ingrained protection habit. He protected her without even thinking about it. It had always been this way.

His cheeks were red, shaking his head, he felt like a fool, being caught out thinking about her so hard that he'd not even noticed her approaching.

Kagome frowned. Something had flustered Inuyasha badly, if his behavior was anything to go by.

I wonder what, though?

Looking over at him from the corner of her eye, she sighed. He was so gorgeous, and he didn't even know it. He moved so gracefully, like a predator, just watching him made a shiver run down her spine. Her heart ached with a sudden upsurge of love...

I love him so much! What am I gonna do?

She knew she wouldn't be able to hide her feelings from him for long, and then what? How would he react? He would be able to destroy her with a few ill-thought out words... and he was really good at that kind of thing, Kami knew.

When they arrived back at the cave, Inuyasha took the rabbits, and, after prepping them, speared them on some sticks, then set them over the fire to roast.

Crouching on his heels near the fire, he silently watched Kagome as she put her things away, then walked slowly towards the fire before sitting down. She looked lost in thought, a slight frown marring her delicate features, and he smiled slightly.

"Oi, wench. What are you thinking about so hard over there?"

She jumped a little when he spoke. "Oh!" Putting her hand on her chest, she laughed uneasily. "You startled me, Inuyasha." Taking a deep breath, she calmed her racing heart.

"What was I thinking about? Oh... lots of things, I guess." She tilted her head and looked at him. "A lot has happened since yesterday, ne?"

He gazed at her steadily for a moment, before looking away, his brow furrowing.

"I suppose so. It seems different for me, I guess, since I've known you'd be my mate for a long time. Honestly," he looked back up at her, "I thought you understood the claim I had on you, that's what I thought you meant when you promised to stay with me forever. So I didn't think I really needed to talk about any of it." He grimaced, looking away.

"I really wasn't trying to sneak things up on you, you know. I just didn't think about the fact that you're human, the whole mating thing comes so naturally to me, I didn't realize that it wouldn't be the same for you." He shook his head, then looked at her again.

"I guess I'm trying to say that I'm... sorry. For springing it on you. Not for the bond itself. I'll never be sorry for that."

Kagome regarded him solemnly for a moment, then nodded. "I didn't really think you'd done that on purpose, you know." She smiled slightly.

"In a lot of ways, I guess I know you better than anyone else... but on the other hand, there's still so much I don't know about you." Shaking her head and sighing softly, her eyes lost their focus, and she turned her gaze inward.

"I've never known anyone with so many layers to their soul," she whispered. "It's like swimming in the ocean. Dangerous currents and sharp rocks, and then other times, soft seas and gentle swells. One never knows what they are going to see at any given time with you. It's endlessly fascinating, you know," she said, slowly refocusing on him.

"Your a poet," he said, awkwardly. "You always have a way with words, sometimes I envy how easy it comes for you. I'm no good with words." He growled softly. "Just another failing of the stupid half-breed, I guess."

Kagome's eyes widened with shock, then narrowed with anger.

"Inuyasha! Never speak of yourself that way! At least not while I'm around, do you understand?" She stood and glared down at him, and he was shocked to see tears standing in her eyes. "Why must you make me feel like shit?"

His eyes opened to their widest. He'd almost never heard her use a word like that. "How? How did that make you feel like shit?"

"Because you're putting the man I love with all my heart, with all my soul, down, that's how."

Those words stopped the breath in his throat, and froze him in place.