InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Mou Ichido Dake ❯ Chapter 12

"Kikyou! You were late!!" Inuyasha cried, killing off a few more youkai at a go with Kaze no Kizu.

"Sorry." Kikyou apologized, taking down two youkai at one go with her arrow.

Even with the combined efforts of the two of them, the amount of youkai did not seem to be diminishing. Around them, villagers were also helping, shooting down any stray flying youkai that they could find. Screams of pain and confusion could be heard everywhere as women and children fled for their safety. Some of the bird youkai even spew fire from their mouths and set the huts aflame.

:It's all my fault: Kikyou thought even as her arrow passed through three more youkai. :I should be able to prevent this. Now the villagers are suffering for my mistakes.:

So engrossed was she in her own thoughts that Kikyou failed to realize a snake youkai had sneaked up onto her. But Kaede saw the youkai and quickly fire an arrow towards it. It missed the youkai but caught its attention. It turned towards Kaede, fangs dripping with venom.

Kikyou was started out of her reverie and quickly fire a shot towards the youkai. Unfortunately, Kaede was near it and was nearly caught in the explosion. Luckily Inuyasha saw them in time and leapt towards Kaede, shielding her with his body.

"Inuyasha are you alright?"

Inuyasha grunted. Unfortunately, the sudden movement had opened his stomach wound again and blood is seeping through. He quickly stood up however, and continue fighting.

:Shit. There are so many of them. What I wouldn't give to have Miroku and his Kazaana now to suck all these demons in.:

Inuyasha smiled at the thought of his former companion. Even amidst all the fighting, he still managed to think of them.

If Sango's here, she would use her Hiraikotsu to clear the portion to my left, and Miroku would use Kazaana to clear the group of youkai on my right. Shippou would be running around, trying to find some place safe to hide. Kirara would be carrying Sango, fighting together with her speed and agility. And Kagome…

The thought of Kagome caused bittersweet feelings to arise within him. Kagome would be firing arrows at random and missing some of her targets while trying to help me at the same time.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Inuyasha and Kikyou managed to exterminate all the youkai. The villagers thank the two profusely, which only served to make Kikyou guiltier.

Inuyasha, on the other hand, was trying desperately not to collapse in exhaustion. It wasn't so much as the strength as the sheer number of youkai that wore him down. Coupled with his old injury from the fight with Sesshoumaru, the fatigue was threatening to cause him to black out soon. It felt strangely like being sat to oblivion by Kagome all over again.

"Inuyasha, are you alright?" Kikyou asked, sensing her companion's distress and pale countenance.

Inuyasha tried to reassure her, but could only managed a shaky grin. The Tessaiga transformed into its original condition, and Inuyasha slumped onto the floor. Kikyou and Kaede quickly rushed towards him, only to see a pool of blood steadily forming around him.

"Onee-sama! Inu-niichan's wound reopened!" Kaede cried.

Kikyou paused. "Quick! Let's get him back into our hut!"

Three days later, a recovered Inuyasha bounced gracefully into the forest, looking for the familiar sight of red and white that he came for.

"Kikyou, I'm here! You called?" Inuyasha shouted into the seemingly empty air.

"I'm here, Inuyasha." Kikyou answered, sitting on a lush green field.

"What's wrong? You sound urgent when you asked to see me." Inuyasha asked curiously. "Is there something wrong with the rebuilding of the village?"

Kikyou shook her head. "No. It's not that."

"Then what's wrong? It's not like you to be so wishy-washy about something." Inuyasha replied, confusion growing by the moment. Something was troubling Kikyou and he knew it, but he did not know what was troubling her.

Kikyou on the other hand, was torn within her heart whether to tell Inuyasha what she learnt from the past few days.

:Should I tell him that my powers are weakening? Should I confess to him about my feelings for him?:

Inuyasha sat there beside her nervously. The silence was making him uncomfortable.

"Inuyasha…"Kikyou began hesitantly. "I got something to tell you…."

At Inuyasha's nod, Kikyou decided to plunge into the topic.

"My powers…I can feel them weakening each day. That was why I did not sense the jaki when the youkai attack the village until it was too late. In a way, I'm responsible for everybody's suffering."

Inuyasha froze. Could it be that Sesshoumaru was right after all?

"Do you….do you know why your powers weaken?" Inuyasha questioned weakly, fearing the answer.

Kikyou nodded solemnly. "Yes. It is because my heart is weak. It is no longer balance between the four aspects of my soul. I began to harbor desires….a desire for you."

"Inuyasha, I think…I'm in love with you."

Inuyasha froze. Half of him felt like screaming in horror, and the other half felt like crying. A long time ago, he would have died to hear these words passing from Kikyou's lips. But now, he only felt sadness, shame and guilt warring within him.

Sadness that Kikyou had to suffer heartache because of him.

Shame that he had managed to make Kikyou fall in love with him even when he didn't meant to.

Guilt that he was betraying Kagome's memories in some way.

"Kikyou…I…" Inuyasha stuttered, not knowing what to say.

Kikyou shook her head. "I know, I know what you want to say. I know you don't love me. I know your heart belongs to another. But I cannot help how I feel."

At Inuyasha's silence, she continued. "I never thought someone like me who travel the path of blood and carnage could ever find love. All these years I never thought I would find someone who can understand me. But you do, you are always there helping me, even when I didn't ask for it. I don't expect you to return my feelings. I just want to get it out. It's killing me to keep it inside me."

Inuyasha's heart wept at her words. Those were not the words of a miko, but a small girl whose heart was still soft and tender despite being forced into a cruel destiny.

"Kikyou…I…."

Kikyou felt something wet dripping down her cheeks. To her horror, she discovered those were tears, tears of sorrow for something she could never have. And though she may want it, desire it, it would never be hers. The thought of that seem so unbearable.

Inuyasha sighed and gently used his sleeve to wipe away her tears. "Kikyou, let me tell you something. Maybe you would understand better your feelings after hearing this."

"Long time ago, I met another Miko. She was like you, lonely, powerful and beautiful. I tried to steal something precious which she was guarding but she never kill me, just chased me away with her bow and arrow. After some time, I fall in love with her and she loved me too. We were so happy together, wishing to be with each other forever."

"What happen?" Kikyou asked, a strange déjà vu striking her as she listen to the hanyou's voice weaving the story.

"In the end, we didn't get together. We were both tricked by a shape-shifting youkai into hating each other. She sealed me to a tree and later died of wounds inflicted by that youkai. She died believing I betrayed her. She died hating me."

"After some time, I was freed of the seal. Then I met another girl. Her name is Kagome. She treated me with kindness even though I didn't deserve it. She didn't ask me to change, she accepted me for who I am. She taught me a precious lesson. She taught me to love and accept myself."

"However, I could not forget the miko who shot me. Every night I wondered; what would it be like if that youkai didn't interfere? Would we actually live happily together? I realize that our love was frail because it was a love born out of loneliness. At that time, we were two souls lost in darkness. When you are lost in darkness, you tried desperately to grasp anything you can find. That was us."

Kikyou nodded, a small understanding growing in her heart. "So you are saying…."

"Kikyou, you are lost, just like I was lost too. What you are feeling for me, are just reflections of your desire to be free, free of your burden. You may think you love me now, but you don't. You love the idea of having someone to love and be loved. But you don't love me."

A slight breeze came then, ruffling the hair of both of them. Kikyou looked up at Inuyasha who stood up. "How do you know?"

Inuyasha smiled a bittersweet smile. "I just do. It took me a long time to find that answer. So don't make the same mistakes as I did."

Kikyou also stood up. "Last question: What happen to Kagome in the end? Did she die? Is that why you are not with her now?"

Inuyasha felt a twinge in his heart. "She's not dead. But she's somewhere very far away, where I can never reach her anymore."