InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Mute ❯ Chapter 7 ( Chapter 7 )

Hello all, sorry for not updating sooner, been busy. The song in this is by Tori Amos, and it is called Twinkle. It doesn't really go with the chapter, but I liked the lyrics, and I thought the tune fit well with the mood for this.

Disclaimer: If I owned InuYasha there would be purple cows, and flying trees. Sigh…

Mute

~~~~~~~

The bar was dark, and smoky, and I found it hard to breathe. And sitting there with Miroku wasn't making it any better. We hadn't even been there a half hour yet, and he had asked at least 20 women to warm his bed, each one responded with a sound slap on the face. Poor Sango, she had to be interested in a pervert. But if I thought about it, I mean really thought about it I was no better than Miroku…

Shaking my head, I focused on my scotch. I had been with Kagome for barely a month, and I felt very strongly for her. Kind of how I felt for Kikyo, but there was something about Kagome. She smiled more, and seemed more carefree and affectionate. And when I kissed her, god I never knew you could get so dizzy from a kiss. But then do I love her? I care for her as much as I care for Kikyo, maybe even a little more, but do I really love her?

"InuYasha? Hello you there?"

"Huh what?"

"I asked if you wanted a back to the university to get your car."

"No that's fine I'll just walk. Thanks anyways, later Miroku."

"Bye Yasha. Tell Kikyo I say hello!"

"Sure thing…"

I sat there a few minutes more before downing my scotch, and walking out the door. Why was god so cruel to me? Why did I have to be such a pig-headed two timer? It was like one of those questions that you never get an answer to, and it always bothered you. It felt good to be with Kagome, she made me feel proud of myself so I didn't have to put on a front with her. But when I'm not around her, I hide a little more, and though Kikyo knows me well, I don't think she truly believes that I have a soft side. But what am I saying? Kikyo is my wife, she is the greatest thing to ever happen to me, but why didn't I feel that way?

It wasn't a very far walk to the university parking lot. And taking out my keys I heard laughing. And it wasn't just any laughing, it was that rough, and broken sounding one, it was Kagome's. I smiled a little and looked up, but my smile instantly turned into a frown. She was with that boy from the hallway again. They were walking around the campus together like an every day college couple. Growling I unlocked my door and threw it open.

Sure that star can twinkle
and you're watching it do
Boy so hard, Boy so hard,

Why did it get me so angry seeing her with another man? She should be free to be with other people, I mean come on I'm married. No. I couldn't let her be with anybody but me, it felt so wrong just even picturing her with another person. And though I don't deserve her at all, my selfish side had already made up its mind.

Getting out of the car, I walked over to them, taking her by surprise at first when she saw me. But she got over her shock and smiled widely at me, I plastered a strained one on my face, and she frowned a little.

"Kagome, could I talk to you about your essay scores please?" she nodded and looked over to the boy she was standing with. He took it as a sign to leave and soon enough we were alone.

"Who was that?"

`He's just a friend.'

"He asked you out!"

But I know a girl
twice as hard.
And I'm sure
said I'm sure
She's watching it to

`And I said no.'

"I still don't want you to hang around him. What if he tries something on you?"

`Please I wouldn't let Kouga touch me with a ten foot pole. So you have nothing to worry about.'

"Keh!"

`I mean it Yasha you're the only one I want. Trust me.'

With that she took my hand and my eyes looked into hers. I saw such beauty there I almost melted right there. I really don't deserve her, but she is mine. Mine.

~~~

Days had passed since my little fit, and I noticed she looked a little paler in class today. Was she sick? Had something bad happened? I couldn't focus on that though, I had a class to teach, and since today I was giving out exams I had to have my mind set.

"Mr.Royama? How much does this affect our finals?" a busty blonde asked in the front row. I frowned a little while thinking while handing her, her test I told her about half of it just to scare her, and I walked to the back row.

"Whats wrong?" she looked up at me her eyes all puffy and red. She shook her head no, and I walked away sighing. She would tell me later I would make sure of that.

When the day was done, and all the little college students in their dorms, I went to Kagome's. I had seen her in the hall a few times that day, she looked even worse. What could have been so bad that it killed my happy Kagome, and gave birth to a sorrowful, and melancholy girl?

Standing in front of her door I heard her piano. The tune she was playing was so sad, and I thought that the sky would cloud up, and mourn whatever she was mourning with her. I knocked on her door, and the music came to an abrupt stop. Quiet footsteps came to the door, and when I saw her face I took her into a tight embrace. She buried her head into the crook of my neck, arms around my waist holding for dear life.

No matter what tie she's got in her right dresser
tied
I know she's watching that star.

"Kagome, will you please tell me what happened?" I asked her gently. She pulled away a little and nodded her head. I followed her in, and was surprised to find that only candles illuminated her now dark room. We sat together on the couch and I watched her slow hand movements.

`My father… just died two days ago. They're holding the funeral two days from now on Friday.'

"How did he die?"

`Suicide…'

"Oh Kagome." I took her into my arms, and let her cry into my shirt. She probably thought it was her fault for leaving. I didn't want her to feel that way, I didn't want her to hurt. Seeing her like this sent a throbbing pain through my heart, and I knew then that yes, I did love her. Even though I didn't know her long she got into my heart, just because she was easy to love. And somewhere inside my head I wanted to love her.

.

"Kagome, its not your fault. Just know that." she nodded her head, and I held her closer. She was so precious to me, like a valuable gem. "So what are you going to do? Are you going to go to the funeral?"

`Yes.'

"Would you like me to come?"

`You would do that for me?'

"I'd do anything for you."

`Thank you so much.'

We held each other until I got a call on my cell from Kikyo. I left her dorm about a half hour later because I wanted to make sure she was feeling better, she told me all she needed right now was the piano and her music. It hurt a little but I left, and headed home Kikyo was probably going to be mad at me for never being home anymore, but she wasn't ever home either so what was the point?

"Yasha? Where have you been? I called you an hour ago!"

"I told you I was grading some exams."

"You're never home anymore why!?"

"You're not either!"

"I have to stay at my job after 6:00! You don't!"

"Well I don't want to have to drag a shit load of papers home every day okay!"

Gonna twinkle.
Gonna twinkle.
Gonna twinkle.

She shut up after that, and I felt a little pang of guilt. I tried to take her hand but she backed away from me. I just sighed and went to our bedroom to sleep. It had been a long day, and I just wanted it to end.

~~~

I came home from work the next day a bit early, and found Kikyo watching tv. Which surprised me a bit since she didn't get home till 9:00, sometimes 10:00. She looked at me and smiled a bit, patting the seat next to her. I sat down and looked at her questioningly.

"About last night, I'm sorry… and well that… Yash I took today and tomorrow off so we could spend some time together, since we never see each other anymore."

"So… that means you want me to take off tomorrow too?"

"Well yeah, that would be nice."

"O…kay…" What was I supposed to do? If I didn't she would have suspected something, but then what about Kagome? That means I can't go to the funeral with her then. God life sucked.

And last time I knew
she worked in a Abbey in Iona

"Shit! Kikyo I forgot my wallet in my desk. I'm gonna go get it ok?"

"Alright just hurry back." we shared a chaste kiss, and I flew out the door like hell was coming for me, which it probably was.

I knocked on her door, and walked in without invitation when it opened. She looked at me questioningly before asking.

`Whats wrong?'

"I can't go to the funeral tomorrow."

`Why not?'

"Kikyo wants me to take the day off tomorrow, so I can spend time with her and I know she'll get suspicious if I don't. I swear to god I really want to be there for you but…"

She placed a soft finger to my lips, and silenced me to smile sadly. Taking her hand away from my mouth she hugged me, and I cursed myself. Why did she have to be so understanding?

She said "I killed a man
I've gotta stay hidden in this Abbey"

~Normal POV~ W/Kagome~

Driving in her car, she wiped tears from her big blue eyes. She had to do this alone, no one to comfort her, well it wasn't very different from the rest of her life. Alone with no one to understand. God why was she feeling so sorry for herself? Her father just died, and it was practically her fault!

She always wondered how she could be such a horrible person. How could she just leave her parents like that? Let them worry for her, until months later when she finally wrote a letter. And now she was ruining InuYasha's life. He has a wife and job to worry about, and he was with her. She should have taken her life long ago, or even stayed with her parents to be sent off to some hospital.

She pulled into the gravel, in front of an old graveyard. She had waited until later just because she didn't really want to be by all of her relatives, or see her father's cold and lifeless face. Did everyone else blame her? Shaking her head of those thoughts she stepped out of the car, and walked towards her fathers freshly filled grave.

There was a chill in the autumn air, and she slowed as she got closer. Did she have to? Seeing him there, it would mean it was real. She didn't want it to be real. She just wanted to be safe in InuYasha's arms, but… he was with his wife at their home.

There he was, buried six feet under, with flowers and dirt above him. She smiled sadly and kneeled in front of the cold headstone placing her bundle of white carnations down. They were his favorite, he always said that they were plain and beautiful, just like her mother.

"Kagome?" a woman's voice asked from the dark. She looked around a little startled. It couldn't be, she stayed behind? "Kagome its been so long since I've seen you." The woman stepped closer to Kagome, and smiled kindly at her. With her was a small boy, he had a mushroom haircut, and a little suit on, Kagome couldn't quite make out his face since he hung his head low.

She stood up from her kneeling position and walked towards her mother and the little boy, stopping a few feet away from them. Her mother had aged a bit, there were lines from her smiling around her eyes and lips, and her dark brown hair was starting to get a few grays.

"Its too bad that we had to have a reunion under these circumstances though. But I still got to see you." Her mother paused and looked down at the boy whose hand she was holding. " Uhh… Kagome I would like you to meet you younger brother Souta. We adopted him after you left, your father felt bad for doing what he had done to you." The boy looked up at her with his honey brown eyes, and she smiled a bit holding out her hand for him to shake. He took it shyly, and afterwards started to sign to her which surprised her greatly.

"As I said your father felt sorry about what we did, so we got a mute boy."

`Hello Souta.'

`How come I have never heard of you before?'

Kagome frowned, and tears threatened to fall down her face. They didn't feel bad, all they wanted to do was replace her. To never speak of the mistake they made again.

`I'm not sure Souta, I'm not sure.'

But, I can see that star
when she twinkles
and she twinkles

`So you are my sister?'

`Mhmmm…'

`Do I have a brother too?'

`No. Only me.'

She smiled a little before standing up, and looking her mother in the eye. It was a hard glare and Kagome could've sworn she saw her mother shiver from it. "I like your outfit Kagome. It fits you well." She looked down at her charcoal colored skirt, with double corset lacing around the thighs, with double straps that fell to about her ankles, and at her dark red corset, topped off with a black blazer. Her mother never liked her choice in clothing, it was always too dark and morbid for her, and even now after all these years she still mocked it.

Kagome gave her a curt nod, and waved to Souta before she turned and walked back to her car. She sat there and cried for a while, if you had saw her you would have thought that her heart had just been broken for the first time. But no, her family had broken it many times before, she was crying over the fact that she would have to put it back together again. She threw her waist length black hair into a low, and messy bun before starting her car and driving off to her dorm.

Her room was quiet, and cold, once again only illuminated by what seemed hundreds of candles. She sat there staring at her piano keys, contemplating on what to play, choosing a simple tune she wrote about her new love, she smiled slightly. He always made her smile, whether he was telling, a joke or paying her compliments that weren't true. She always felt good around him.

It started out very slow and far apart, then she added a few more notes, and it became slightly faster. Sounding a bit happier she smiled a small smile, this song was her favorite, but she still hadn't written an ending to it to memorize. She stopped playing and sighed. For some reason she just couldn't put an ending to that song, every time she tried, her mind would wonder to other places.

She walked to her bathroom, and turned on the faucet in the tub to fill it up. When she saw her reflection in the mirror she closed her eyes. How could anybody love her? How could anybody want to even be with her? Her family didn't even really want anything to do with her, why would InuYasha? He told her that she was the most beautiful person he had seen, and that she was perfect in every way to him. Was he blind? How could he not see that she had almost every imperfection? That she only had her quiet, and semi confident personality, and even she thought that was boring.

And I sure can.
That means
I sure can

She stripped off her clothes and stepped into the tub, turning off the water. She was doing nothing for him. Just ruining a marriage, and putting his job in danger. But he made her feel good. He made her want to talk again, but… that would take her such a long time to accomplish. She didn't even know if her voice worked anymore. Sinking deeper into the water she watched her long hair float about her. She remembered when her friend Rin had braided her hair for her. It had taken such a long time, and when she finished her hair looked great. But Rin had died long ago, and Kagome hadn't really kept close friends since her death.

Why was it only people she cared about had bad fortune come to them? Why not her? Her friend, her grandpa, and now her dad. Would InuYasha have something terrible happen to him too? Shaking her head, she wiped the tears that had formed in her eyes. She shouldn't think about that, she should try to be happy. They were all in a better place now, and maybe she would go to that better place to see them soon.

When she awoke the next morning, she found herself lying on the floor with a blade next to her. Startled she sat up, and looked at her arm. The cuts were deep, and ugly yet beautiful at the same time, the blood from them had dried up on her arm, and there was a stain on the floor where the puddle of blood had sunken in. What was wrong with her? She could barely remember this happening, she could barely remember last night. Hanging her head in shame, she stood up and walked out of her bedroom and into the bathroom rinsing her arm off in the sink. She hadn't ever done something like this before, and probably wouldn't have ever thought of it if it weren't for past events.

Walking back to her room with a bandage wrapped around her arm, she began to scrub the floor with a towel. Furiously she worked, until she began to sob, she didn't even know why she was crying. There was knocking on the door, and she crawled over to her closet digging around for her arm warmers. She finally found her black, and red striped lace up arm warmers and put them on. Sauntering over to the door, and unlocking it, she opened it slowly.

"I know its early but… can I come in?" she stepped aside and let InuYasha enter grabbing her right arm and holding it protectively. He turned to face her and she looked down, feeling ashamed of herself.

That means
I sure can
so hard.
So hard.

"What's wrong?" she shook her head, and he stepped closer. "Kagome I know something is wrong now please tell me…" When she looked up to him her azure eyes were watering. He deserved to know, he deserved to know that she was nothing but a suicidal freak who wouldn't talk.

Holding out her right arm, she rolled the arm warmer down gently. His eyes widened at the sight and she pulled her arm away, stepping back, and hanging her head. Would he want nothing to do with her now? He stepped forward and took her arm gently and brought it to his lips. He softly kissed each cut, and took her into his arms. She placed her hands upon his chest, began to cry. They fell to their knees on the floor together. He held her even tighter while she cried, blinking back the few tears that had pooled in his eyes.

"Its ok Kagome. I understand, please don't cry. Please."

~~~~

Well I hope you all were at least pleased with this chapter. And as I said before the song doesn't quite fit with the chapter, but the I like the lyrics, and the tune. This one was kind of on the depressed side but the next chapter should be more up beat if it goes the way I planned.

Laterz