InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Mystery Inuyasha Fanfic 3000 ❯ 'Nirvana' by love-and-peace-hate-and-w ( Chapter 3 )

Mystery Inuyasha Fanfic 3000

Disclaimer: I don't own the Inu-tachi. I do not own any of the stories I'm MST3King. If the authors want me to take this down, I will.

In the way, way far distant past,

Not far from a magic well,

Was a guy by the name of Fluffy,

He was evil, you could tell.

He nabbed his brother, a half-youkai,

An average hero he didn't like.

His experiment needed a good test case,

So he bonked him on the noggin and he locked him away.

Inuyasha: Get! Me! Out!

Sesshomaru: I'll send him awful fanfic

The worst that I can find.

La la la!

He'll have to sit and watch them all,

I'll monitor his mind.

Now keep in mind Yash can't control when the fanfic begins or ends.

La la la!

He'll try to keep his sanity with the help of his crazy friends.

Inu-tachi roll call!

Miroku: I want to drink your…

Sango: Be very careful how you finish that sentence.

Kagome: Kami protect us…

Shippo: I'm hungry!

If you're wondering how they eat and breathe and other science facts,

Tell yourself it's just a fic, I really should relax,

For Mystery Inuyasha Fanfic 3000!

(The cave complex. Inuyasha walks out of his room. Miroku streaks by him.)

Miroku: I'm BIIIIIIIIIIIIIG!

Inuyasha: …the hell?

(He walks into the kitchen and sees Sango and Kagome.)

Inuyasha: Hi, guys. What's…

(He is cut off as Sango grabs Kagome's butt and gets slapped.)

Inuyasha: YAHHHHHHHHH!

(He grabs Kagome.)

Inuyasha: WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS PINK AND FLUFFY IS GOING ON HERE, KAGOME?

Shippo: That's not Kagome. I'm Kagome.

(Inuyasha whips around. Shippo and Miroku are standing in the doorway.)

Inuyasha: Do you think I'm stupid?

(Awkward silence.)

Shippo: Here, I'll prove it. Sit, boy!

(WHAM!)

Inuyasha: Could you have picked a less painful proof?

Shippo/Kagome: Nope.

Inuyasha: So who's who, and how did this happen?

Shippo/Kagome: We decided to switch bodies this morning. The hope was that a change in perspective would stave off insanity. So now I'm in Shippo's body, Shippo is in Miroku's body, Miroku's in Sango's body, and Sango's in my body.

(Fluffy's viewscreen lowers.)

Sesshomaru: You're cheating! And for the last fucking time it's Sesshomaru!

(Glass shatters.)

Sesshomaru: Why do I even have a fourth wall in the first place? Anyway, the body switch is way too confusing, so…

(Flash of light.)

Miroku: Darnit, I'm me again.

(Sango hits him with her boomerang.)

Miroku: What was that for?

Sango: Do I have to answer that?

Sesshomaru: That will be quite enough of that. Today we'll be moving out of comfortable fan fiction territory. The fic in question is `Nirvana' by love-and-peace-hate-and-w. I won't tell you the pairing, but I expect you to have nightmares about this one for several weeks. At least.

(The alarm blares.)

Inuyasha: We have fanfic sign…

(They file into the theater, fear etched on their faces. The fic starts…)

Nirvana

"How could he!? Just so he can get the Tensuseiga.

Inuyasha: Say it with me people: Tet-su-sai-ga. Tetsusaiga.

he fucking kidnapped.

Sango: Who?

I can't believe this.he's going to pay!"

Shippo: How much?

Inuyusha yelled, pacing back and forth, trying to think of a plan.

Inuyasha: Charge in and kill anything that isn't an ally.

"Not tonight, Inuyasha. You'll be human; you cannot defeat him in your human form." Miroku exclaimed, watching him.

Inuyasha: Okay, maybe not…

"You're right.why can't I be a full demon." He growled, then stopped and looked at Miroku, who was watching him very closely.

"What are you looking at!?"

Kagome: (Miroku.) I was staring off into space, and your big head was in the way!

"Nothing.it's just.nothing."

Miroku: First rule of fanfic: it's never `nothing.'

"What do you mean, 'it's just nothing'?"

Sango: He's in love with you, that's what!

Everyone else: Ha, ha! Good one, Sango! Like that'll ever happen.

"I meant nothing of it, now we need to find a place to stay the night." And with that he got up and started walking into the forest, with Inuyasha not far behind.

Inuyasha: Excuse me? Behind?

Shippo: Human night.

Kagome: Actually Miroku said, "You will be human tonight." Meaning he's still hanyou right now.

Miroku: Where the hell are we anyway?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~

Sango: Squigzilla IV: The Island of Dr. Squigzilla!

Finally, they found a cave, which seemed to be a good place to stay the night. No demons could smell them in here,

Inuyasha: That's impossible. Demons can smell you through two miles of solid rock.

and it was dry, in contrast to the storm they were shielded from.

Sango: Some readers might have liked to know there was a storm before now.

They were both soaking wet, and shivering from the cold.

Shippo: Oh, kuso…

Miroku: What?

Shippo: Two words: Body. Heat.

Kagome: There is no Kami…

Inuyasha took off his kimono and his shirt and layed them by the fire they had made in the middle of the cave, and sat down to warm up. Miroku couldn't take his eyes off of Inuyasha's body.

Miroku: …because he had a huge gash across his chest. (please?)

'God's, he's beautiful.if only he knew how I felt.if only I could tell him.'

Miroku: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(He runs out of breath, and, mercifully, passes out.)

Miroku sighed, which led Inuyasha's eyes over to him.

Shippo: (Sigh) This way, Inuyasha's eyes!

Sango: (Inuyasha's eyes.) Coming!

"What's wrong, monk?"

Inuyasha: (Miroku.) The world is coming to an end. I just decided I like guys.

"Nothing is wrong,

Kagome: No, everything is wrong. I haven't bothered to list all the spelling and grammatical mistakes, and furthermore…

(Goes into a long winded tirade, and also passes out.)

why are you asking?"

"You just seem really strange lately."

Shippo: Yeah, almost…queer?

"I just miss the others, that's all."

Sango: You're a bad liar, houshi.

"You're shivering.come here by the fire to warm up."

Sango: I hope you didn't mean that the way it sounded.

Inuyasha: It ain't me, remember?

Inuyasha said with a smile, which was reflecting more than just kindness.there was lust in his voice, and in his eyes, and Miroku could tell it.

Sango: Kagome was right. There is no Kami.

Shippo: (lust) Darnit, I'm in the eyes and voice! I knew I should've taken the southern intersection.

This made him all the more eager to sit by him, and so he did.

Inuyasha put his arm around Miroku, both to Miroku's surprise, and his own.

'What am I doing? I'm not gay.

Sango: That's rather contradicted by the fact that you're making advances on Miroku.

I'm not even bi.

Shippo: Yes you are!

but gods, this feels so right.' Inuyasha thought, then pressed his lips against Miroku's, and smiled when he heard and felt a gasp against his lips.

Inuyasha: (Captain Picard.) Replicator, one cup of cyanide. Mixed with arsenic.

"Wha.what are you doing, Inuyasha?" Miroku said, just below a whisper.

Sango: (Miroku.) Help! How do I get this whisper off of me?

"I don't know.

Shippo: You're kissing Miroku, that's what.

you want me to stop?"

All who are still awake: YES!

"No, ofcourse not." and with that he continued to kiss Inuyasha's lips slowly.

Miroku ran his hand down Inuyasha's chest, and down his stomach,

Shippo: (Miroku's hand.) All this running is really making me tired…

then held him as close to him as he could.for even close wasn't close enough.

Inuyasha: You've got that backwards: any close is way, way too close.

He had been longing to do this since the first time he met him,

Sango: Even when you were asking Kagome and me to bear your children?

and now his dream was coming true.

Inuyasha: Nightmare, more like.

Inuyasha ran a claw down Miroku's back,

Shippo: ...and ripped it open so we wouldn't have to read this filth.

Inuyasha: Don't I wish.

(Sango starts hacking at her wrists with a butter knife. She accidentally knocks into Kagome, who wakes up.)

Kagome: Thanks for nothing.

then smiled when he felt him shiver beneath him.

"Inuyasha..." Miroku sighed, as Inuyasha kissed and nipped his neck, and took off his robe and the rest of his clothes. Miroku blushed, finding himself completely exposed in front of his love.

Inuyasha kissed his blush away,

Kagome: How exactly does one do that?

and took his own clothes off, kissing him all the while. Inuyasha kissed along his jaw line, down his neck, across his chest and down to his stomach. He felt Miroku's breath quicken,

Kagome: You have very sensitive fingers, Inuyasha.

and saw his very prominate

Kagome: The word is prominent.

erection and smiled to see that he was turning him on. He took a deep breath and decided that this time would probably never come again, so why not, and he took Miroku's length into his mouth

Inuyasha: That's disgusting! Do people actually do that?

Kagome: Unfortunately, yes.

and Miroku moaned in pleasure.

Miroku: Actually, I think that's me saying "Stop! I'm about to retch!"

(Everyone starts.)

Kagome: You're awake?

Miroku: When I fainted, Fluffy started downloading the images straight into my mind. I figured it was better to wake up so I could make fun of it and maintain some semblance of sanity.

Inuyasha bobbed his head up and down, licking and sucking him, feeling him thrust gently into his mouth. Much to his surprise, this wasn't as bad as he thought it would be, actually.he was enjoying it.

Inuyasha: The only reason I would ever have that…thing in my mouth would be to bite it off.

"Ohhh..Inuyasha.." Miroku moaned,

Miroku: You have fleas!

running his hand through Inuyasha's silver/white hair.

Inuyasha stopped sucking him, and trailed wet kisses all the way back up to his lips, where he continued to kiss him slowly.

Sango: What's all this about kissing slowly? How many speeds of kissing are there?

He rubbed Miroku's inner theighs,

Shippo: (Singing) Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle all the way. Oh, what fun it is to rub in a one horse inner theigh!

and then down to his entrence, where he slowly pushed one finger into him.

Miroku: Goodbye bowel movements…

Miroku moaned, and wiggled around a bit, trying to get used to this unusual feeling, but then, relaxed again, and he wanted more.

Kagome: Here, Mr. Sentence. You've been running on all day, so go lie down and take a rest.

Inuyasha pushed another finger in, and then another.

(All wince.)

moving them in and out, hearing Miroku's breathing increase and feeling him grind his hips up and down against his fingers.

(All wince again. Miroku pulls a barf bag from under the seat and retches.)

Inuyasha removed his digits

Inuyasha: Did you know you had my 3 in your ass?

and placed his erection in front of his entrance and began to push into him. Miroku let out a loud moan of both pain and pleasure,

Miroku: No all pain. And some outrage.

holding his hands in fists and he fought the pain and pushed back into Inuyasha's shaft.

Kagome: Congratulations, you've just torn your rectum!

Inuyasha smiled, feeling that Miroku wanted this as much as he did, and he layed down on top of him, face to face with his sexual partner, and began to thrust into him,

Sango: Is that even possible?

Inuyasha: Nope. Not even a snake demon could do that.

holding his body close to his, exploring his mouth with his tongue, and digging his claws into his back,

Miroku: That's gonna leave a mark.

overcome with this new pleasure.

"Ooohh..Inuyasha..don't..stop.." moaned Miroku,

Miroku: No, please do!

out of breath, holding onto him as tightly as he could.

Inuyasha moaned and continued to fuck Miroku into pure ecstasy.

Kagome: I'm going to need ecstasy to forget this fic.

Finally he stopped his pleasurable torture

All: Pleasurable?

and with one last thrust he released himself into him, and Miroku moaned his name loudly, which brought another smile to Inuyasha's face. Exhausted, he collapsed onto Miroku and layed his head on his shoulder.

"I love you Inuyasha." Miroku said quietly, ashamed of admitting his feelings, for he was afraid they would never be returned.

Kagome: Dude, you just screwed like homosexual rabbits! Of course he loves you!

"I.I love you too.Miroku," Inuyasha replied, looking up into his dark eyes and slowly kissing away his surprised look. He felt Miroku's body go limp,

Inuyasha: (Dr. McCoy) He's dead, Jim. Died of a massive overdose of Mirasha fanfic.

and then looking down at him, he had already fallen asleep.

"Too much pleasure for one night"

All: Pleasure? Don't you mean torture?

Inuyasha said to himself with a grin, closed his eyes and soon joined his new love in the land of dreams.

Kagome: By which you mean nightmares, correct?

(They run out of the theater, screaming and clawing their eyes out. Sesshomaru's viewscreen lowers.)

Sesshomaru: So, how did the torture session go?

Inuyasha: DIIIIIIIIIE!

(He shatters the viewscreen. Another one lowers.)

Sesshomaru: I'm going to have to charge you for that.

Inuyasha: Oh, death on a stick!