InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Of Gods and Monsters ❯ Chapter 19: Things Left Unsaid ( Chapter 19 )

Thanks to Chris for the beta and Kat for helping out in a pinch (Merith, I hope things get better, honey!), and to Everstar for all of her help. (And, for playing me Third Brain's "Weeeeeee!" when I think I needed it most.)

Chapter 19: Things Left Unsaid

Beyond the den, crickets chirped melodically; the air grew cooler, the autumnal night embracing the earth with a faint chill. Night creatures rustled quietly in the woods, but the western lands were, for the most part, quiet. It was similarly so within the den, where the chill was warded off with a blazing fire.

The small form on the futon looked like little more than a lump of blankets, but even though Rin was still, she was not asleep. She couldn't hear any movement coming from any of the other parts of the den, so she was fairly sure that Inuyasha-sama and his companions were finally asleep. She sat up, silently pushing the blankets back and lowering her feet to the ground, padding silently across her snug chamber and sliding the rice paper door open. After a few seconds of careful listening, she was satisfied that everyone was definitely asleep.

Rin's eyes had long since grown accustomed to the darkness in the den. Even if she could not see as well as Sesshoumaru-sama, the den was her home, and she knew every inch of it -- even better than she had known the small hut she'd grown up in. With the fire warming the main hall providing a soft glow by which to see, she slipped silently down the halls before pausing at another door. She slid this one open as well, stepping inside the room and sliding the door shut behind her, plunging her eyes again into darkness. Rin swallowed hard, putting her hands out in front of her as she crossed the room very carefully. Her hesitant steps seemed to take forever, but once her outstretched palms came in contact with the soft blankets, she breathed a soft sigh of relief, lowering herself to her knees. Closing her eyes, Rin could hear Teles-sama's soft breathing. As she let her small hands coast over the surface of the futon, she found one of Teles-sama's hands. Rin placed her left hand in the larger one, using her right hand to curl the slack fingers.

"Houshi-sama said Sesshoumaru-sama will be back soon," she whispered softly. "He's trying to make you all better." She paused, not really expecting a response. "You'll feel better soon, and then we can go wading again, before it gets too cold. Sesshoumaru-sama doesn't like me going down by the stream when it gets cold, because the last time I did, I got sick and started coughing and sneezing, and after I got better he told me not to do that anymore." Again, Rin paused. She knew that Houshi-sama had told her that Teles-sama needed her rest, and that Rin shouldn't bother her, but she was so lonely. Sesshoumaru-sama was gone, Teles-sama slept almost all the time, and even though she liked Inuyasha-sama and his friends, they were still new to her. Right now, everything seemed new to her.

Rin couldn't wait for her Sesshoumaru-sama to return, for Teles-sama to wake up, and for everything to be the way it was before. She even missed Jaken-sama. Making sure to keep her voice low, she shared this with Teles-sama. Rin could imagine her smiling and ruffling her hair before suggesting that the two of them go off to the orchards again. Huffing a soft sigh, she crawled gingerly onto the futon, curling up next to Teles-sama's drowsy warmth. Keeping as still as possible, she pulled the covers over herself and let her eyes drift shut, the linen of Teles-sama's robes soft against her cheek.

Settled back in the corner of the chamber, Inuyasha sat, his back pressed to the wall. A thoughtful frown was well in place on his forehead as he heard Rin's breathing slow and deepen as she fell asleep. He'd been sitting there, much like he'd done every night since their arrival, keeping an eye on Sesshoumaru's mate and the pup. He hadn't dealt much with the kid -- he left that to the others -- but he suddenly felt a keen prick of guilt as he considered how much they hadn't told Sesshoumaru's charge.

How the hell do you tell a kid somethin' like that, anyways? Sorry kid, your best-pal and role model ain't gonna 'get better.' Try and keep your guardian from rippin' her throat out, okay?

He sighed once in frustration. Maybe things wouldn't turn out as badly as they all feared. Maybe Sesshoumaru gained a little bit of perspective during the trip -- maybe he finally realized that if she was his mate, then she was his mate no matter what. Goddess, human, demon... none of it mattered. If Sesshoumaru was drawn to her, for whatever reason, then whatever caused it was still there. Stuff like that didn't change.

The door slid open silently and Inuyasha could smell Kagome as she hovered in the doorway. "Inuyasha, Rin--" Her harsh whisper was urgent.

"Shh," he responded. "She came in here. She's asleep. It's okay." Inuyasha hesitated a moment. "I think she was lonely, or somethin'." He heard the soft whoosh as Kagome slid the door shut, padding silently into the chamber. He could see the way she held her hands out in front of her, making each step a careful one as she approached him.

"Where are you?" she whispered softly. Kagome had woken up a short while before and, after taking a quick look around the den to make sure all was as it should be, she had come across Rin's empty room and mussed futon. The slice of panic had been instant. Now, with the knowledge that Rin hadn't wandered off in the middle of the night, Kagome felt a cool rush of relief flood her body.

"Right here," he answered, reaching up to gently grasp her hand. "It's okay -- you can sit."

The sudden touch in the pitch-black of the room startled Kagome, but the warmth of Inuyasha's hand closing around hers both calmed her and sent something flickering in her chest. Swallowing hard, Kagome gingerly lowered herself until she was sitting cross-legged across from him. His hand slipped out of hers and she found herself swallowing against the sensation the loss brought. Clearing her throat, she managed, "She was lonely?"

Inuyasha nodded before realizing she couldn't see the gesture. "Yeah, I think so." He paused for a beat. "You think we're makin' a mistake, not tellin' her?" He saw her eyebrows furrow slightly as she considered her answer.

"I don't know," Kagome whispered back softly. "I can't help but think that it's the sort of thing that should come from Sesshoumaru. She might not take it well if we're the ones to tell her. Or maybe Teles should..."

Inuyasha made a small grunt of acknowledgment. "It's Sesshoumaru's responsibility. But that's only if he comes back without a huge fuckin' chip on his shoulder."

Kagome was silent for awhile. "I spoke with Sango about that. She and Miroku are with you, if something should go wrong." She chewed her lip absently. "I mean, we all hope--"

"I know," he interrupted. "Y'hope it doesn't, but it still might. I just wish he'd get back so we can quit waitin' and wonderin'." Inuyasha's ears twitched forward as a soft sigh came from the direction of the futon. He stood, carefully pulling Kagome to her feet as well. "C'mon, if we're gonna talk, we shouldn't do it in here." She nodded once, holding on to his hand as he led her out of the room. They slipped silently through the hallways, passing Miroku and Sango, both sleeping quietly on pallets in front of the fire. Kirara was curled comfortably in the crook of Sango's neck, her ears barely twitching as Inuyasha and Kagome passed.

Once they were at the mouth of the den, Inuyasha inhaled the crisp air, letting his lungs fill with it. "Much better." He gave Kagome a quick look, suddenly unsure of whether it was too cold for her out here -- to him, it was pleasant, refreshing. It was the kind of night that was meant for rushing through the trees, letting the wind catch at his clothing and seep into his skin.

Any reservations he might have had were washed away when Kagome linked her hands together and stretched her arms high above her head. "It's so much nicer out here," she said, letting her arms drop to her sides. "I can't get over how much quieter it is. In my time, even the nights are noisy."

Nodding once, Inuyasha strode over to a nearby tree. "Yeah, I know. I don't understand how you can fuckin' sleep there." Pointing up to a branch, he glanced at Kagome. "I want to go sit up there. You wanna come up or would you rather yell at me from the ground?"

Kagome's eyes went up to the limb. "Uh... I guess... okay."

Arching an eyebrow at her, Inuyasha grinned faintly. "Okay to which?"

"I'll go up there."

Giving a brief nod, Inuyasha wrapped an arm around Kagome's waist and effortlessly jumped them up. Keeping a both hands on her waist, he settled back against the trunk. At first, he'd pulled her against his chest to keep her secure on the branch. But now, as she leaned against him, he began to wonder at the wisdom of this particular move. Her back fit comfortably against his chest, and her hair teased at his face and neck, the scent of her shampoo tickling his nose pleasantly. Great fucking move, genius.

For her part, Kagome's eyes had fluttered shut the second Inuyasha's arm went around her waist. She had thought that the lightheaded sensation would pass once they'd reached the branch, but now as she felt his heat radiate through the fire-rat fur, warming her back, she started to think otherwise. The lightheadedness hadn't subsided at all.

Silence reigned for several long minutes.

Kagome was the first to break the hush. "I hope it turns out for the best."

"Yeah," he replied, his husky voice soft.

Once again, the two lapsed into silence.

"I guess it was pretty stupid to think about going after him," Inuyasha said, finally ending the lull. "But I kinda wish I did -- at least if I'd caught up with him, I'd know whether his comin' back is a good thing or a bad one." A breeze caught a lock of Kagome's hair and drifted it upwards until the individual strands brushed across his face. Inuyasha brought his hand up and pushed the tickling strands away, a far away part of his brain noting how nice her hair felt between his fingers, the way it seemed to slide effortlessly between his claws. He brought his hand up again to comb his claws through her hair; he hesitated only a moment before letting his hand drop uselessly to his side.

The single, gentle touch was enough to send a pleasant shiver from the nape of her neck down Kagome's spine. She held her breath for a second and waited, her scalp almost tingling in anticipation for another pass of his claws. When none came, she expelled a soft breath. "I can see your point, Inuyasha, but it really wasn't one of your better ideas. I was prepared to you-know-what you until you listened to reason." She paused. "Or until you were too bruised to go anywhere..."

The hanyou's features settled into a frown, even though Kagome couldn't see it. "Yeah, well you fuckin' sat me anyway."

Kagome nodded. "I did. I couldn't let you leave, Inuyasha."

He arched an eyebrow at that. "Let me?"

"For starters," she replied reasonably, "you didn't know where you were going. Next -- how on earth were you going to get over all that water?"

"Kagome," he said, exasperated, "I'm right the fuck here. I didn't fuckin' go, so quit talkin' like I'm gonna."

The miko folded her arms across her chest, a small scowl forming at Inuyasha's tone. "Good. There were more reasons to stay than to go anyway."

"Oh yeah?" he replied, somewhat acerbically

"Well, the pup for one. If something happened to Sesshoumaru, and you went after him and something happened to you..." She trailed off, trying to ignore the knot that settled in her stomach at that thought. "The closest thing to a demon that baby would have as a role model would be Shippou." She felt Inuyasha give an exaggerated shudder. "See my point?"

Inuyasha sighed softly. "I was just pissed at him. Fuckin' idiot goes off when his mate needs him the most." Yeah, kinda like you were gonna do, when you got that fuckin' harebrained idea to go after him?

"He was scared, Inuyasha. He... probably did what he thought would help." Wait. Am I actually defending Sesshoumaru? Kagome wanted to be annoyed at herself, but not even she would ever forget the look on the youkai lord's face when he left the den; the great and powerful Sesshoumaru had been terrified.

"Keh," he grunted, his annoyance with Sesshoumaru absorbing him. "I don't give a shit if he was scared. Fucker lectures me on how to go about getting a mate, but he don't take care of his..."

Kagome blinked, turning her head suddenly to glance back at Inuyasha. Huh? Rewind that, please? "He said what?"

He paused, noticing that Kagome was watching him. The realization of what he'd just said sent his mind scrambling. Shit. Shit! Maybe if I answer her first point in too much detail she'll never notice me not answering her. "He said..." Inuyasha shrugged. "It was no big deal."

Kagome's eyebrows came together in a thoughtful frown. "Okay, first -- if he thought he was doing what was best, then you weren't going to convince him differently. Second -- why was he lecturing you?"

Shaking his head dismissively, the hanyou looked off to the side, his eyes focusing on some distant point -- anywhere was better than meeting Kagome's gaze. "He was just runnin' his mouth, because he's so damn convinced he knows what he's talkin' about." Drop it. Please, Kagome, just drop it...

Sesshoumaru, running his mouth? That doesn't sound like him; he barely ever says a word. In fact, if anyone, it sounds like... The girl's shoulders lifted in a small shrug. "Well, he'll see when he gets back that leaving was not the best route." She saw Inuyasha nod once, indicating tacit agreement. "So, what was he running his mouth about?"

Damn it, woman, don't you know how to let something drop? Inuyasha was silent for a moment, squirming internally. "Nothin' important."

"No, you said that he was lecturing you on how to go about getting a... mate? Why?"

The hanyou shrugged, trying to appear as though the conversation wasn't bothering him as much as it was. "He probably just wants to see me driven as crazy as he is." Too fuckin' late for that. "Or... I dunno. Maybe he thinks I owe it to the 'family.'" His fidgety claws itched to return her hair, to feel the texture of the strands between his fingers. The action would soothe him -- he knew it. Biting back an oath, he clenched his hand into a fist, forcing it to stay in his lap.

Clearing her throat softly, she shifted against Inuyasha's chest. "So, what did he say? About it, I mean. About you needing a mate..." Why on earth would Sesshoumaru care if Inuyasha was mated or not?

Squirming again, he shrugged once more. "He didn't say I needed one."

Kagome exhaled in a small huff of annoyance. "Okay, I have an idea..."

Inuyasha swallowed. He knew that tone. Shit.

Kagome twisted around on the branch to face Inuyasha. "Let's pretend that I don't have to pull teeth to get answers out of you."

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fucking FUCK! Inuyasha's mind scrambled to come up with something -- anything -- to say. Anything besides the truth, of course. Quickly, he thought over their conversation so far and mentally swore again. That was it; he was doomed.

Kagome watched a myriad of emotions pass over Inuyasha's face. First and foremost, there was annoyance, then panic, and then, finally, annoyance again. After several long moments of silence, she grew impatient. Her eyes flashed at him in the moonlight, the silver light giving them an almost ethereal glint. "What. Did. He. Say?" She poked her index finger into his chest to emphasize her last four words.

Damn it. Well, here goes nothin'. "He said I should claim mine already," he muttered. Damn me for thinking that going up into a fucking TREE to talk would be a good idea.

Her expression was one of incredulity. "Well, that's silly," she said dismissively.

Inuyasha's right eyebrow lifted, arching perfectly. "Silly?" He wasn't sure whether to be relieved or insulted. He was leaning toward a vague kind of insulted, that had a veneer of relief.

Kagome gave a small chuckle and smiled. "Well, the way that sounds, he was talking like you already had one to claim." When Inuyasha dropped his gaze, she felt something strange settle in her stomach. Suddenly, being up in a tree with him didn't seem like such a great idea anymore. She couldn't feel the ground beneath her feet, and she was feeling a growing need to have terra firma under her. "Uh... Inu... yasha?" she managed, her voice small.

His response was gruff and short. "What?"

"Nothing," she said quickly, feeling her face color. She was worrying her upper lip between her teeth when she saw Inuyasha regarding her from beneath the fall of his bangs. Just ask. Just say it: So, did he have anyone in mind? Very easy sentence. It's got a subject and a verb and everything. One name, and one name alone circulated through her mind, and it was that name that kept her from asking the very simple, very easy question.

Inuyasha swallowed, not trusting himself to do anything more complicated than breathing. Just say it. Just spit it out. Worst thing can happen is she'll sit me and I'll break my fucking neck when I hit the ground. He was quiet for several seconds. The words weren't coming. Finally, he cleared his throat. "You know, you should prob'ly get back inside. It's kinda cold out here."

Kagome swallowed, forcing herself to nod. "Right. And... and you need to get back to what you were doing."

"Yeah," he said, his voice somewhat hoarse.

After only a bare second of hesitation, he wrapped an arm around Kagome once more, dropping them both silently and gracefully to the ground. They walked into the cave, not a word spoken between them. The silence was a tense one, strained -- a startling contrast to the earlier, companionable silence. Without a word, Kagome returned to her bedding, settling down for some rest while Inuyasha returned to the chamber where Teles and Rin slept.

After several more hours of silent contemplation, Inuyasha found himself once again getting to his feet and heading noiselessly to the main hall. The fire had died somewhat, so he stoked it until it roared back to life. He stood by the fire for a few moments, letting his eyes get lost in the flickering orange depths. With an almost silent sigh, he turned around to make his way back to the chamber when his eyes settled on Kagome's slumbering form. His throat worked as he swallowed. He'd almost told her. Almost. You're a coward, he told himself. A big, fuckin' coward.

***

The next day, both Kagome and Inuyasha had managed to push the previous night's conversation out of their minds. Or, at least, both of them were able to appear as if they had. While Inuyasha and Sango patrolled, leaving Miroku to entertain Rin, Kagome sat quietly in Teles' chamber. The former goddess had propped herself up with the bedding, which allowed her to read comfortably. Kagome decided to take advantage of a rare opportunity to get some of her schoolwork done. Actually, the few days they'd been at the den had proven to be quite beneficial to her homework. If I can get a chunk of it out of the way, maybe I won't be so behind the next time I go back home.

She peered in her pack, slowly rifling through the books she'd brought with her. A thoughtful frown crossed her face as she pulled out a Classical Studies textbook. She stole a glance at Teles, who was still absorbed in whatever it was that she was reading. Kagome didn't remember reading about that goddess at any point during her education. Now, as she held the book in her hand, she wondered if it might have been because she'd never looked. She knelt, settling back on her heels, and flipped slowly through the text. Strangely, or perhaps not, Kagome could find no mention of the goddess.

When she looked up, she saw that Teles' green gaze had settled on her. A faint smile curled at the woman's lips. "You look to be an avid reader," she said, nodding at the book.

Kagome shrugged, feeling vaguely guilty -- but she couldn't discern why. "It's not really recreational reading. I've got schoolwork to do." She was silent for a moment. "Actually... I've got a class on Classical Studies -- your era -- and... I tried to look you up, but there's no mention of you." She offered Teles a small, sad smile. "I guess we know why."

Two brown eyebrows drew together quickly. "Classical Studies? You study... my era?" She was quiet for a moment. "What exactly is my era, and why is it called 'Classical'?" She paused. "And why are you studying it?"

Kagome couldn't help but grin at the barrage of questions. "Well, in my time--"

"Your time?" the former goddess blurted out. In an instant, she recovered herself. "I apologize for interrupting. It's just that..." She trailed off, frowning and shaking her head. "I'm afraid I don't understand."

"I'm from Japan, just not from this era. It's... kind of a long story," Kagome replied.

"You know, Kagome, I'm starting to notice that you and your friends say that about quite a lot of things. But another time? That's positively extraordinary." Teles' eyes were aglow with interest, and for a fraction of a second, she looked much like her old self. "Tell me, how is that possible?

Kagome opened her mouth to reply, snapping it shut again. Wow. It really is a long story, isn't it? "It's... well. Okay. The priestess of the village where we normally stay was named Kikyou. And she had this jewel that she was supposed to purify -- the Shikon-no-Tama. Only... something happened." She pursed her lips as she thought about that "something," her heart twisting painfully for Inuyasha. "Something happened, and she died. The jewel got burned with her body, but I guess it got reborn within me. Somehow I got pulled through the well, and I met Inuyasha, and then I sort of accidentally broke the jewel, so I have to put it together again." She expelled a breath. "I'm her reincarnation, or at least that's what everybody tells me."

Teles nodded slowly. "And... you live in a different time?"

The young woman nodded. "My present is this era's future."

Teles leaned forward, entranced. "That is fascinating."

Blinking, Kagome blushed a bit. "I just... I never really thought of it as 'fascinating.' It's just... what I do."

"And in your time, what do you do?"

The miko gave a short, dry laugh. "Well, I'm supposed to be a student, but I spend so much time here..." She trailed off. "My studies have suffered a little bit, but it's too important to repair the jewel, so..."

Teles nodded in understanding. "So, you have chosen between two important responsibilities."

"Pretty much."

A small, amused smile played about the woman's lips. "And you study the Greek gods and goddesses in your time? Tell me, is the pantheon that important still?"

Kagome pressed her lips together, weighing her answer. "Not exactly. The Greek civilization waned, eventually making room for other religions. It's actually treated more like literature -- myth -- now. But we learn the different gods and goddesses, as well as some of the more popular stories." She almost mentioned that, according to her text, that shift had already begun in Greece. She decided against such an action.

Teles blinked. Myth? Literature? There was nothing left of her world? How is that possible? We are immortal -- time does not exist for us. She stopped the train of thought with a sharp yank -- she was no longer immortal, and time most certainly did exist for her. She looked at Kagome for several moments, shaking her head slowly as she absorbed it all. "So, in your time, my kin do not exist anymore."

"Or, if they do, they've learned to keep a low profile. Maybe they do, and we simply don't see them." Kagome had seen the shadow pass over Teles' face; reassuring her seemed to be the best thing -- the only thing -- she could do.

For a few moments the woman sat quietly, absorbing all that Kagome had told her. "Tell me, what is it like?"

"My time?"

"Yes."

Taking a deep breath, Kagome frowned. "Well, it's a lot different from how things are right now. It's... really different. I mean..." She trailed off, thinking. "There's almost no way to tell you how different. Youkai don't exist anymore. And... there are all sorts of machines and stuff."

Teles' frown was almost instant. "No youkai? Why not?"

"I don't know," Kagome admitted softly. "I've never known."

"I see," the woman murmured, looking down at her hands. For some reason, the knowledge that there would be a time when Sesshoumaru would not exist bothered her more than the knowledge that she herself would eventually cease to exist. She gave a violent shove to the melancholy thoughts, pushing them aside. After clearing her throat, she regarded Kagome with an inquisitive gaze. "Machines, you say?"

Unable to help herself, Kagome gave a short half-laugh. "I don't really know how to explain machines. I mean, I know how they work, but I don't know how to tell you how they work. They do things for us, they make work easier, they..." Kagome shook her head quickly, amazed as she thought of all of the things modern-day machinery could do. "We use machines for everything. Cooking, transportation.... we have water that runs indoors. Music, entertainment... We can even talk to people on the other side of the world."

Widening her eyes in wonder, Teles could not help but be impressed. "That sounds absolutely amazing, Kagome. Amazing." The woman paused, staring at Kagome contemplatively. "You know, I never gave much thought to time before. It doesn't exactly exist for us --" She stopped, shaking her head briskly. "Or, rather, it didn't before. I recall events and people, but not dates or years."

Kagome couldn't help but give a small chuckle. "Sometimes I have that problem, and then I fail my history exams."

After musing silently for a moment, Teles smiled. "How very ironic. Here you are... and, from your perspective, you are in the past. You go back to your time and take exams ON the past. But for everyone here... most of what you consider history has not even occurred yet."

"I know," Kagome said, nodding. "Sometimes I sit at home and wonder how everything turned out... because it already happened." Is Inuyasha still alive? If he is, then where is he?

"Yes, I suppose much has already happened when you go back to your time," Teles replied quietly. "It all sounds fascinating. I wish I could see it. I just... I watched mortals grow and change for so many years, and it was always so amazing to watch those changes... I became enamored with observation. And... sitting here, listening to you," she paused, her face reflecting nothing of the pain that had been there for the past few days. "It sounds so utterly fascinating. I could listen to you talk about it until you were hoarse, and even then I would still beg for more."

Kagome regarded Teles thoughtfully for a moment. "You know, there are people who sit in shops and have tea and just watch other people go about their day. I bet you'd like that." She was quiet for a moment, still watching the woman. "I've never tried taking anybody through before. I mean, Inuyasha can go through," she paused, rolling her eyes, "but I've never tried anybody else."

Thinking for a moment, Teles nodded. "You're probably right -- it does sound like something I'd enjoy." After a few more seconds, she chuckled dryly. "Perhaps you had better not try. I might never return."

A small grin quirked at the corners of the miko's mouth. "And then I'd have to explain what I'd done with you."

Teles' smile grew. "I believe it would vex my mate beyond all comprehension if I had gone somewhere he could not follow," she said, laughing softly. Teles would not soon forget Sesshoumaru's aggravation when she had fled from him into the sanctuary of her cavern.

Kagome arched an eyebrow, giving Teles a wry expression. "Sometimes I wish I could go somewhere Inuyasha couldn't follow," she said dryly.

Green eyes glimmering with good humor, the former goddess replied, "You say that now, but I'm sure you would miss him sooner or later." She stopped, pretending to think this over. "Later, probably." They both chuckled softly, settling into silence. Teles' eyes went to Kagome again, watching the girl contemplatively. "You know, for all of the appeal your time holds, I think you prefer it here, little priestess."

The girl's eyes widened and she blinked several times. "Prefer it here? Oh, no," she said, shaking her head decisively. "That's my home. My family lives there." But, even as she said the words, they didn't ring true in the depths of her heart and soul. Over time, she had come to feel more comfortable here than there -- she had come to prefer this time to that one.

The woman's lips lifted in a half-smile as she regarded Kagome carefully. "Sometimes, priestess Kagome, home is a fine and wonderful place that we will always love, but cannot live in." She paused thoughtfully, her fingers moving to her soft linen sleeve. "My father had organized a council to have my banishment lifted so that I might return to Olympus. But, if given the choice, I would not have returned, regardless of how wonderful it was. Instead, I chose to be the mate of a youkai who followed me across oceans for six months. Once he found me, I believe it was a struggle for him to refrain from throwing me over his shoulder and dragging me back. Instead, he settled on yelling at me, calling me names, and -- I believe he said 'losing every shred of dignity' he ever possessed."

Kagome stared in silence; she'd never asked Teles about Sesshoumaru, and now, to hear him spoken about in such a way, she couldn't ignore the twinge in her chest. Truthfully, she would have had a hard time believing the youkai lord of such behavior, but as she was beginning to see, even Sesshoumaru was capable of change. She let a small smile light her lips as she shook her head. "You know, that behavior almost sounds familiar."

"They do not appear to enjoy being told they resemble each other," Teles replied sagely. After a moment, her eyebrows drew together and she glanced down at her hands. Discussing Sesshoumaru left her with a dull ache radiating through her chest. She was constantly aware of his absence, but talking about him made the pain even more noticeable. She hated -- hated that he wasn't here, and despite all of her attempts, she could not will him to appear. If only he were here, instead of...there.

Kagome noticed the shadow that seemed to flicker in Teles' eyes. "Are you... okay? Is the pup bothering you?" Oh, silly Kagome, you know it's not the pup bothering her. Come on, you've worn that expression before -- you can recognize it, even though it's not on your own face, right?

"No," she replied quickly, shaking her head. "No, he has been remarkably calm today. It's just..." The words trailed off into nothing. When Teles finally spoke, her voice was soft and thick, her eyes trained on her hands. "I just... wish he were here."

A quick pang contracted in Kagome's chest and she crawled onto the futon, placing an arm around the other woman's shoulders and squeezing lightly. "I know the feeling. I've had days where everything was awful, and then, when Inuyasha turns up and snarls at me, for some stupid reason, I'm happy again."

Teles accepted the hug -- she was much more used to such contact, living with Rin. "I think I understand. I thought I hated Sesshoumaru so much -- I found him arrogant, haughty, supercilious -- and then I realized that I was in a far worse mood when he was NOT around, than when he was and challenging me."

Nodding, Kagome added, "You keep thinking, why am I spending so much time thinking about him when he drives me insane?"

"Why do I obsess over every insult he throws at me? Why do I watch his eyes when we're fighting?"

A small, sympathetic smile tugged at Kagome's lips. "Why does everything seem much duller when he's not nearby?"

"I think we understand each other, Kagome," Teles murmured, exhaling a breath.

Kagome's response was a rueful grin. "Guess so."

"I had no idea he actually felt the way he did. He had no idea I felt the way I did. Apparently we were 'mated' from the start -- though I'm still not entirely sure I understand what that means. Sesshoumaru told me that it takes hold of you. He said, 'You believe that you are a whole creature, until you find your mate. Then you realize that your skin knows the touch of that other's skin, that your flesh knows the touch of hers, before it even happens. There is an emptiness that is not filled, without one's mate.' And it happens before we are even aware of it."

Kagome looked away discreetly, the woman's words causing something inside to prick and bleed as she remembered Inuyasha's words the night before. If that was how Sesshoumaru defined the term "mate," and had been lecturing Inuyasha on the matter... No. No, I am not thinking about this now. I stayed up half the night thinking about it, and I'm not going to think about it any more. End of story. "B-before you're even aware of it?" Kagome asked weakly. Argh! I said I wasn't going to think about that any more!!

Teles nodded, a faint smile at her lips. "And, did you know," she added softly, "I didn't believe him... until I realized that I did?"

Kagome sighed a bit, a faint thread of envy ribboning through her. She's lucky. I mean, sure, there's the goddess-turned-human thing, but still... She's got someone who loves her. I know that Inuyasha doesn't think it was very smart of Sesshoumaru to leave like he did, but I can understand why he did it; he loves her. He's doing what he thinks she'd want. She looked up to see Teles watching her intently.

"Are you all right, little priestess?"

Kagome offered the woman a small smile. "I'm okay. I was just thinking." She shrugged. "That's all." Glancing down at the book still in her hand, her shoulders slumped slightly. "I should really get back to my schoolwork."

"Very well," Teles replied, turning her attention back to the scroll spread out in her lap. Out of the corner of her eye she watched as Kagome pored over her book. I wonder if she has any idea how very lucky she is. To have such loyal, devoted friends, to have the ability to travel between this world and another... Indeed, a very lucky girl.