InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Of Gods and Monsters ❯ Chapter 20: The Bitter Taste of Hate ( Chapter 20 )

Great thanks to (big list): Merith, Chri, and Kat for their unparalleled beta skills, and to Everstar for loaning me her Miroku muse.

Chapter 20: The Bitter Taste of Hate

Teles blinked, the characters on the scroll growing blurry before her eyes. She'd been reading avidly since she'd started staying awake for several hours at a time. She actually quite liked to read. Sesshoumaru had a fairly extensive library, most of the scrolls historical records, which Teles found infinitely fascinating. She found that it took her mind off of her mate's absence, albeit temporarily. If she concentrated on days long past, she would not think so much about the fact that another day had passed with no sign of Sesshoumaru. She knew what the others feared -- she had heard them voice their concerns to each other. She had a few concerns of her own -- there was still the possibility that Sesshoumaru would not return home. However, she refused to consider that possibility until there was no other option. There was nothing more to it -- she refused to entertain the idea that he would not return.

But now, after so many hours of reading, her eyes refused to focus and they burned when she closed them. Sighing in annoyance, she set aside the scroll and rubbed at her eyes. They watered reflexively as she did so, but it relieved the unpleasant sensation, so she continued.

Miroku had been sitting quietly in the chamber, Sango and Kagome having taken responsibility of Rin's entertainment for the afternoon. He'd grown quite fond of the child, yes, but being offered several hours of peace was far too tempting to pass up. He heard the annoyed sound and glanced up to find Teles pressing the heels of her hands against her eyes. His eyebrows quirked together. "Lady Teles?"

"Yes?" she replied, pulling her hands away from her face.

"Are you well?"

"My eyes ache from reading. Tell me, is that common?" she asked, pressing her closed eyes with cool fingertips.

"It can be." He dipped a cloth into a nearby bucket of cold water and wrung it out, handing it to her. "If your eyes are not used to such strain, then they may begin to ache."

She smiled gratefully, taking the cloth and pressing it against her eyelids. "Thank you, little monk. That is a significant improvement."

A small smile quirked at his lips; it amused Miroku that, even in her human state, Teles continued to use the nickname she'd bestowed on him when she had first revealed herself to them. "You're very welcome, Lady Teles."

Once the burning sensation subsided, Teles pulled the cloth away from her face, draping it neatly over the side of the bucket to dry. She leaned back and stretched, somewhat carefully, still mindful of the stitches in her shoulder blade. "Dear gods," she said, faint astonishment coloring her words. "I think I'm bored."

Shifting slightly so that he might rest his elbow on his knee and his chin in the palm of his hand, Miroku regarded her with a mildly amused smile. "That's hardly surprising, is it?"

She returned the grin. In the past, she had entertained herself with exploring the seas, this isle, and -- most recently -- engaging in battle with youkai lords. She'd known boredom, of course, but it had been on a far grander scale. In the past, she would not have considered staying in one room for so many days on end -- it would have driven her positively mad. "It is marginally surprising -- it would have taken far less to bore me before."

"That is one of the joys of humanity," he replied smoothly. "We're more easily entertained."

Teles chuckled, pushing herself up into more of a sitting position. Many of the shallow welts were still visible on her back and legs, but she did not hurt nearly as much as she had a few days previous. She was still stiff and somewhat sore, but she was able to leave the futon on occasion. Right now, her legs itched to leave the bedding, but Kagome had requested she not overtax herself. The two of them had gone for a small walk outside earlier that day, coming back far too quickly for Teles' taste. As far as she could tell, the weather outside was lovely -- too lovely to be spending it indoors. "So, little monk, how is it you got relegated to keeping me company?"

"Pure luck, I believe," Miroku answered. He quite enjoyed the quiet, calm company the former goddess provided. It was quite plain that they would remain until Sesshoumaru returned, and even though Miroku did not revel in the knowledge that these days were ones that could have been spent in a far more constructive manner, he also knew that the journey ahead of them was an arduous one. Better to make the best of these days, rather than wish them to pass quickly.

One delicate eyebrow arched at him. "Luck, is it? You've an odd definition of luck."

"To spend a quiet afternoon alone with a beautiful woman?" he riposted. "I think many men would call it luck."

There was a beat of stupefied silence as Teles stared at him with an unreadable expression before bursting out into laughter. I'm roughly the size of a hut, I'm no longer immortal, and he just called me beautiful? Has he gone mad? Upon seeing Miroku's somewhat piqued expression, she reigned in the laughter, covering her mouth behind her hand and shaking her head. "I apologize. Please, forgive me."

He brought his shoulders up in a graceful shrug. "I took no offence." Mostly.

She smiled at him then. "You are far too kind in your flattery, monk. Be mindful of it, or women will consider you insincere."

Rolling up the scroll he'd been reading, Miroku chuckled, understanding the motivation behind the outburst. Grinning at her, he said, "I fear I'm quite familiar with that already, Lady Teles. But I spoke sincerely. You are quite lovely."

Shaking her head slowly, a bemused smile at her lips, Teles fought off the faint blush the praise brought her. Privately she hoped that Sesshoumaru would still find her similarly so. This mortal body felt so much... clumsier, heavier. Her hair did not feel as smooth to the touch as it once had. Her skin seemed paler to her eyes. Teles wasn't even sure that she resembled herself anymore. She hadn't an opportunity to see her reflection since the transformation. "Well, I thank you, little monk. Such a compliment, at this point, is quite--" The words were cut off suddenly as the hanyou pup shifted roughly in the womb. Her wince was immediate, as was the urge to growl an oath through her clenched teeth. You've been so quiet, little one -- have you been feeling as if I've been ignoring you?

Blinking, startled, Miroku got to his feet. He swallowed hard. "Was that..."

Teles was gritting her teeth and breathing slowly. "Yes, it was." For as frequently as the pup's movements came, she found that she could neither anticipate them nor could she grow accustomed to them. She had roughly three months left of gestation and, privately, she was beginning to think that there could be nothing less pleasant.

Miroku stared at her in quiet shock. In a strange combination of nervousness and fascination, he asked, "Is there... something I can do?" He almost cringed at the absurdity of the question.

Teles shook her head slowly, relaxing as the twinge finally passed. "No, these... bouts of energy usually pass on their own."

He nodded slowly, watching with undisguised curiosity. I think I begin to see why Sango wanted me to see this....

Taking a deep breath and placing her hands on her abdomen, Teles appeared to turn her concentration elsewhere. "You have my attention, little one..." she murmured, rubbing her stomach slowly. The pup shifted once more and she closed her eyes in response, wincing again. When Teles opened her eyes, she caught Miroku's expression. "I take it this is something of a novel experience for you as well?" she asked dryly.

"I've... never actually spent much time around a pregnant woman before," Miroku replied softly. As he spoke, he flexed his hand unconsciously. No, he was usually far too busy searching out women who were most definitely not expecting.

"You know, it's actually quite... fascinating." She stopped, frowning a bit. "If not always entirely comfortable." Teles brought her eyes to Miroku and tilted her head slightly. "Would you... like to feel him move?" He did not answer, choosing instead to stare silently at the woman in sheer astonishment. Faintly confused, Teles blinked. "Little monk? Did you not hear me?"

Miroku shook his head briskly, coming back to himself. "....Yes. Thank you." He watched as Teles pushed the covers back a bit, the better to expose her abdomen.

"Give me your hands," she said, holding her own hands out, palms up.

Slowly, Miroku went to the side of the futon and knelt, placing his left hand in one of hers. He kept his right hand very carefully by his side. Something sank in his stomach when Teles looked at him, holding her other hand outstretched.

"And the other?"

He hesitated for a moment before placing his other hand in hers, watching in silence as she pressed both of his hands against her abdomen. Miroku held very still, his eyes on his right hand. It can't hurt the baby. Stop worrying about it -- I can't hurt the child.

Teles saw the pensive look on the monk's face and gave a half-smile, chuckling softly as she covered his hands with hers. "You needn't look so nervous, little monk. He doesn't bite." She paused thoughtfully, her eyebrows drawing into a frown. "Yet."

Miroku cleared his throat. "It's... not that."

"Oh?" Her eyebrow lifted slightly. "Then, please, why do you look so troubled?"

"My right hand is cursed" he explained, his voice low. "The curse is sealed by the prayer beads around my wrist and can harm neither you nor the child, but... under the circumstances," a faint, lopsided smile quirked his lips, "I'm a little nervous."

Teles smiled reassuringly. "And those circumstances are...?" The kick, when it came, was sharp and sudden, the pup catching its mother wholly by surprise. Teles winced suddenly, gritting her teeth. "Damn it!"

Miroku, for his part, was completely awestruck as he felt the child shift under his hands. Part of him acknowledged that, yes, this was a hanyou pup, and it was only logical that it would be stronger, more active in the womb than a human child, but he could not shake the amazement -- this was what it felt like. Another life moved beneath his hands. An innocent being, completely unaware of the world beyond the warm walls surrounding it, moved silently under his palms, blissfully oblivious. He allowed himself to imagine, for a moment, someone pregnant with his child, to think about the fate that child would undoubtedly bear were they to fail in defeating Naraku. He glanced at Teles, who was watching him expectantly.

"Do you see?"

He lowered his head. "Yes."

Frowning at the sudden change in her companion, she regarded him carefully. "Little monk?"

When he spoke, his voice was almost inaudible. "The curse is passed from father to son."

Something clenched tightly in Teles' chest with those words. Slowly, she brought her fingers to the monk's chin and tilted his head upward to meet her eyes. She swallowed hard; it was unjust for anyone so young to have to suffer such a fate. "I'm sorry..." she said quietly.

After a few moments, Miroku nodded once. "...Thank you."

It was at that moment that Inuyasha entered. "Hey, Miroku, Sango and Kagome are..." he trailed off as he noticed the monk, kneeling by the side of the futon, his hands splayed across the swollen stomach. "What the fuck're you doin?!"

Instantaneously, Miroku pulled his hands back and rolled to his feet. "Nothing without her permission, I assure you," he said quickly, holding his hands up.

Golden eyes only widened in disgusted disbelief. "You fucking lech! I knew you were bad, but a fuckin' pregnant woman? Don't you have any--" Huh? Did he say permission? "What?"

The former goddess cleared her throat, faintly amused at Inuyasha's reaction. "I asked him if he wanted to feel the baby move, Inuyasha."

Miroku cleared his throat, glancing behind him to see his staff propped up uselessly in a corner. As he brought his gaze back to the hanyou's face, he found himself wishing he hadn't set it down. "I'm well aware of the consequences should I transgress in this particular case." A painful death, for instance...

Teles arched an eyebrow as she watched Inuyasha wrestle with the situation. Her amusement grew. "Inuyasha, do not tell me you thought your friend would do anything untoward."

Recovering from the initial surprise -- She voluntarily let him put his hands on her? The fuck? ­-- Inuyasha snorted derisively. "Believe me, there's a lot I think he can do, and it ain't all good."

Assuming his most innocent expression, Miroku closed his eyes. "I've no idea what you mean."

"Yeah, sure." He looked over at Teles, who was still looking at him with an expression of unguarded amusement. Annoyance flared suddenly and he narrowed his eyes. "He was probably just usin' that as an excuse, anyways -- feel the baby move. Keh. Right."

A small grin quirked Miroku's lips as his eyes flickered with a trace of mischief. "Haven't you wondered what it feels like?"

Inuyasha regarded his brother's mate with a stern look. "Yer lucky I came in when I did..." Stopping, he turned his attention back to Miroku. "Wondered what what felt like?"

Miroku gave a careless shrug. "What the baby moving feels like."

"Keh," he grunted, lifting his shoulders in a shrug and folding his arms in his sleeves. He tilted his chin upward and closed his eyes. "I don't need to know what it feels like."

Teles cleared her throat. "You know, Inuyasha, if you'd like to feel him move... he's feeling quite energetic at present."

With eyes closed and arms folded, only a glimpse of trepidation was visible as it crossed Inuyasha's features before he slammed it away with a jerk of his chin. "In case you forgot, I was a hanyou pup. I don't need to be reminded about what it feels like."

Enjoying his friend's discomfort immensely, Miroku turned his gaze to the former goddess, smiling apologetically. "Take no offense, Lady Teles; he's very shy."

"HEY!"

But Miroku was undeterred. "He won't even touch Kagome, most of the time...." He stole a glance at Inuyasha, his mouth twitching.

Schooling her features into a neutral expression, Teles nodded. "No offense taken."

Inuyasha's eyes bugged. "I am NOT shy!"

Shrugging, Miroku tucked his hands into his robes. "If you say so."

Teles offered Inuyasha a sympathetic, placating smile. "Yes, Inuyasha -- please, don't feel pressured..."

"I'm not fuckin' shy," he retorted. "I just don't see why I gotta feel a fuckin' pup move when I useta be one."

Miroku's expression was one of pure guilelessness. "I had just thought... since it is your niece or nephew... and the gods only know when you might ever have this chance again...." He trailed off, a twinkle in his eyes the only indication of any mirth.

Glaring at Miroku, Inuyasha gave a low growl. "Fine. I'll feel the pup fuckin' move, okay?"

Biting back a smile, Teles nodded. "All right, then. Let me have your hands, Inuyasha."

Miroku moved aside, busying himself with picking up the scattered scrolls, all the while watching Inuyasha out of the corner of his eye.

Inuyasha felt a wave of apprehension as his eyes went to the rounded stomach. Swallowing against it, he knelt carefully by the bed, determined not to let his uncertainty, however baseless it might have been, show. He placed his hands, which had grown cold and damp, in Teles' warmer, dry ones. When she arched an eyebrow curiously at him, he looked away, giving an impatient huff. "So, come on, let's get this over with."

Miroku couldn't help but smile to himself.

"Yes, yes, of course," Teles said, nodding. She took Inuyasha's hands and splayed them on her stomach. "I fear you may have to demonstrate a degree of patience. The pup's sense of timing is unpredictable. He will not stay still when I wish it, so I can only deduce that he will not move when I wish it."

"Whatever," he muttered. Trepidation had settled in Inuyasha's chest, and he blew out an annoyed breath to conceal his nervousness. I ain't givin' that bouzu the fuckin' satisfaction. He kept his eyes on Teles' stomach, feeling absolutely nothing but the soft linen of the miko robes under his hand and the warm flesh beneath. Seconds ticked by, with no effect and he began to feel his neck grow warm and prickly under his hair. You're just like your fuckin' father -- makin' me feel like an idiot. Thanks, kid. Thanks a whole fuckin' lot. Never mind that--

The sudden shift beneath his palms stopped the train of thought with a violent jerk. Inuyasha looked up, eyes wide, to see Teles gritting her teeth and muttering an oath.

That couldn't have been the pup. "What the fuck was that?" he breathed softly before realizing the absurdity of the question. The movement was too... real.

A soft chuckle came from the corner of the room where Miroku stood, idly twirling his staff between his hands. "The baby, Inuyasha."

Nodding, a small smile lit Teles' lips. "He's right, Inuyasha. That was the pup." She paused, taking in the hanyou's expression. "Consider yourselves introduced."

Blinking, Inuyasha found that there was nothing he could say that would convey the surge of wonder he felt when the tiny being shifted under his hands. It had moved. He'd felt it. The pup he'd promised to protect had never seemed to completely real until that moment. It was a real, living thing -- and it was going to depend on him. He -- she? -- would depend on Inuyasha to show what it meant to be hanyou. It was Inuyasha's responsibility -- one he'd assumed himself -- to make sure, should the child's father return to his former prejudices, that the pup was protected.

The resolve steeled in him like it never had before. This pup will be safe.

He opened his mouth to speak, but found that no words would come out. He shook his head mutely for a moment before he found his voice. "That's... I wasn't expectin' that."

Miroku's voice was quiet in the hush of the room. "I've never felt anything like it."

Inuyasha stood suddenly, apparently distracted. "Uh, Miroku... Sango and Kagome wanted me to tell you that they were takin' Rin to the orchards, so you'd be here alone, so... ah... behave yourself."

Noting the sudden change in his friend's demeanor, the monk nodded. "I shall try," he said gravely.

Shifting his weight from one foot to the other, Inuyasha finally muttered, "I... I'm gonna do a quick sweep. I'll be back later." Without another word, Inuyasha left the room, leaving Miroku and Teles to stare at each other, identical expressions of surprise on their faces.

Teles' eyebrows drew together in a frown. "That was certainly... odd."

Miroku nodded. "I can't recall the last time I saw him that unsettled."

She looked up at the monk, tilting her head slightly. "Was it really such a strange sensation? Perhaps he wasn't comfortable with it...?"

"Or perhaps," Miroku mused thoughtfully, "he's never felt a connection like that before. From what I've gleaned from Lady Kagome, Inuyasha grew up alone in many ways." His mouth quirked ruefully. "I must admit my own attitudes towards child-bearing have undergone a significant shift from those few seconds."

Grinning up at him, Teles brought her hands to her abdomen, moving them in slow, soothing circles. "Is that so?"

Sighing, Miroku shifted his staff in his hands. "I am... supposed to ensure the continuation of my line by finding a woman who will bear me an heir. However, unless the demon who cursed my family dies, my heir will be heir to more than my family name."

Teles' grin faded, her hands slowing to a stop. She pursed her lips in thought and nodded once. "And, since you..." she trailed off, understanding. "I see." She paused a moment, regarding him thoughtfully. "Then you are the last of your line."

The monk nodded. "My father died from his curse when I was a child."

The former goddess shook her head slowly. "So much misery and death binds you and your friends -- it is no wonder you are all as close as you are."

Miroku smiled fondly. "I thought I preferred being alone before I met Lady Kagome and Inuyasha." That fond smile morphed into a self-mocking one. "And then, of course, we met Sango..."

"Solitary souls often believe they prefer solitude." She shrugged. "I was much the same way in many respects."

The monk's eyebrows drew together in interest. "I hadn't thought of gods as...." He stopped suddenly, the word poised on his lips seeming impossibly rude.

Teles watched him for a moment. "As...?" she prompted.

He looked down. "People."

"Ah, yes," she said, shifting into a more comfortable position on the futon. "People. Well... we aren't, really. We're ent--" She stopped suddenly, shaking her head. "They're entities."

Miroku tilted his head, looking at her thoughtfully. "But there seems to be more to you than being a mere... entity." He considered his words carefully. "Gods and goddesses are... supremely powerful beings. They're worshipped by humans." Amusement crackled in his eyes for a second. "You yourself threatened to turn me into a sea serpent, if my memory serves. The idea that they have personalities -- preferences -- never really... occurred to me."

"Well," she said, thinking, "perhaps 'entities' is not an adequate term. Though we -- they exist in the world differently than do mortal beings, they still exist. They have likes and dislikes, and what might please one god or goddess will not necessarily please another. For instance, while I did spend a great deal of time in the waters with the Sirens, I also spent quite a significant amount of time on land. When I was a goddess, I could take more forms than just this one. I could, if I desired, take the shape of a mortal child and wander through villages unchecked. This," she gestured at herself, "is -- was my chosen form to spend my days." Shrugging gracefully, she added, "I should count myself thankful that I was not in the form of a goat when I was turned."

Miroku blinked once, then twice.

"Are you quite all right, little monk?"

Helpless laughter poured forth before he could stop it. Once Miroku was able to control the chuckles, he finally managed, "Just imagining the youkai lord of the western lands mated to a goat, Lady Teles."

***

Inuyasha's restlessness had only increased since leaving the den. A small bead of worry was starting to form in his gut as he rushed through the branches, feeling the wind catch his hair, making it trail behind him. Five days. Sesshoumaru had been gone for five days. He thought only briefly of Shippou, who was probably driving Kaede mad by this point. No, what caused the anxiety to blossom was the possibility that something might have happened at Mount Olympus -- something bad. How long do we wait for him before we decide what to do?

It was the idea that the pup might grow up fatherless that had sent him into the trees.

He let his body guide him through the achingly familiar woodland -- they'd grown more and more familiar during their stay, and now he knew the forest as well or better than any around the village. He landed on a high limb that overlooked the land -- one so high he could almost make out the sparkle of the ocean. Dropping into a crouch, he heaved a sigh, frowning.

Everyone had been so absorbed with the potential for disaster should Sesshoumaru return with nothing but hatred for his newly human mate that the idea that he might not return at all had ceased to occur to them. He remembered Teles' fear, the unbound terror in her eyes when she realized where her mate had gone. If this Hera really has it in for youkai, it may be worse than him comin' home with a bad attitude.

He did not like to consider the possibility that there would be another hanyou pup in the family line to be raised fatherless. He would, of course, do his best to help out in protecting the pup and helping him understand what it meant to be hanyou -- to walk in both the human and demon world, but never truly belonging to either. He would do that regardless of whether Sesshoumaru returned or not, but no matter how hard he tried, he would never be able to be a father to the pup.

"Damn you, Sesshoumaru," he muttered in a low tone. "If you're dead, I'm gonna fuckin' kill you."

The familiar, if unexpected voice caught him completely unawares. "Tell me, how do you plan on managing that, little brother?"

Inuyasha started suddenly, glancing down. There, below him, on one of the tree's thicker limbs, was Sesshoumaru, gazing intently upward. Muttering an oath, Inuyasha dropped to the same limb, folding his arms over his chest and regarding the youkai lord with a scowl. "'Bout fuckin' time you got back," he growled. "You think I got nothin' better to do all day but watch over your lands and babysit your fuckin' mate? You shoulda fuckin' been here, Sesshoumaru. She's your mate -- she's your respons--"

"Responsibility. Yes, I realize that." He gazed over Inuyasha's shoulder -- the terrain leading out to the western seas was a lovely sight. He seldom took the time to appreciate its aesthetic beauty, especially lately. "It was..." he swallowed. "It was not a successful journey." Indeed, that seemed like a grand understatement.

Inuyasha nodded. "Yeah, we gathered that." 'Course, that depends on your definition of successful. The pup ain't gonna be hunted by a bunch of immortal enemies, and we ain't gonna have to tell your mate that you got squashed by a goddess. Call me crazy, but that ain't no grand fuckin' failure, if you ask me.

Folding his arms in his sleeves, Sesshoumaru frowned. During the return journey, only half-listening to Jaken's mindless prattle, Sesshoumaru had found that he could think of nothing beyond how spectacularly he'd failed. He had left Teles' side at the worst possible time. How could he be expected to face her after such a failure? Besides that, he would return bearing a new arm instead of a way to reverse the spell. It was not a situation he relished. In fact, though he was loath to admit it, it was this overwhelming aversion to face Teles that had made him pause when he caught his brother's scent. It was reluctance that was making him engage Inuyasha in conversation now. And acknowledging that only made him feel like even more of a failure; he, the great Sesshoumaru, hesitant to face anyone? It was unheard of.

The hanyou cleared his throat softly. "The spell's irreversible, ain't it?" He glanced over at Sesshoumaru, who was watching him with an expression of unguarded shock.

"How did you know?"

Jerking his shoulders once, Inuyasha looked back at the scenery. "She knew. She knew about the ritual, and she knew it was gonna be irreversible."

Wincing internally, Sesshoumaru exhaled softly, but did not respond. He hated the sick sensation of shame that was settling in his gut. His brother had been right; he never should have left. But he had. When his mate had needed him most, he hadn't been there.

Inuyasha regarded Sesshoumaru for several seconds. This did not look like a youkai that had come home to slaughter his mate and unborn pup. He looked at the way his half-brother was carrying himself, noting the almost imperceptible slouch of his shoulders, the way his head wasn't held quite as high, the pensive look that had settled itself on his face...
The hanyou blinked and narrowed his eyes, further scrutinizing the youkai when it suddenly dawned on him -- with no small amount of surprise.

Sesshoumaru wasn't angry; he seemed... depressed, beaten.

What the fuck?

Pursing his lips for a moment, Inuyasha spoke carefully. "Thing is, once she realized that this means the pup ain't gonna be hunted down by her clan, she seemed almost relieved. And, y'know, at least we got a shot against a bunch of mortal enemies instead of--"

"A slew of immortal ones," Sesshoumaru supplied softly. He shook his head. "The price of the child's survival was her immortality. And it will be hated regardless." The pup -- his child, his heir would be a reviled creature -- despised by both human and youkai alike. He was learning a great deal about groundless, baseless hatred. Indeed, he'd known much about hatred, but his perspective now was somewhat different.

"You don't have to tell ME," Inuyasha said, scowling. He saw Sesshoumaru close his eyes and tighten his jaw. Sighing, Inuyasha's expression softened somewhat. "But to tell you the truth, I think she'd rather be a mortal with a live pup." There was a beat of silence. "And a father for it."

"We would have protected the child." But even as he said the words, they rang hollow, leaving an empty sensation within. He, Sesshoumaru, had resorted to lying to himself. The knowledge made him cringe inwardly, the sick sensation only multiplying.

"I think she might disagree with you there about it bein' a foolish decision." Inuyasha swallowed, regarding his half-brother. "Why don't you go see?"

"I'm quite used to her disagreeing with me," he replied softly, deftly avoiding Inuyasha's question. He could not face her, not yet.

"Yeah, I know the feeling," Inuyasha said, a faint frown marring his forehead as he nodded slowly. "Kagome always argues with me."

"You would not like it if she didn't." Sesshoumaru paused. "Your inu youkai blood demands it -- demands that your mate be strong, that she not bend to your will," he said softly, his mind suddenly flashing to brilliant green eyes sparking angrily at him. He glanced briefly in the den's direction. "You argue with her to test her worthiness as a potential mate, whether you realize it or not." Stunned into silence, Inuyasha blinked. Sesshoumaru caught the look and his mouth nearly twitched in response. "I take it you were unaware that it is in our nature to behave thusly." The youkai lord turned his gaze away from Inuyasha. "Your mother was much the same way," he murmured under his breath.

Inuyasha's eyes darted sharply to where Sesshoumaru stood. "My mother?" He narrowed his gaze in suspicion. "Why the fuck're you bringing up my mom?" The conversation was edging toward dangerous waters, awakening restless energy within Inuyasha, leaving the hanyou with the overpowering urge to pace.

Sesshoumaru's jaw tightened as he stared out at the horizon. "Because it is true," he replied after several long seconds, turning to watch his brother stride the length of the branch for a moment before looking away.

Inuyasha gave a quick shake of his head, his ears flicking in annoyance. "What is, that my mother liked to argue?" Sesshoumaru gave a noncommittal shrug. It was an answer that did not satisfy Inuyasha. "You fuckin' brought it up," he growled. "If you didn't plan on talkin' about it, you shouldn'ta mentioned it in the first place." He paused for a moment. "In fact, I don't know why the fuck you're up here talkin' about it at all. Seems to me you got somewhere else to be, actually."

A glower settled on the youkai's face. Irritation surged up within him at the mere mention of Inuyasha's mother and that irritation was only compounded by Inuyasha's veiled taunt. Yes, he had brought Naoko up first. And, yes, he did have somewhere else he needed to be. And yet, anything was preferable to returning to the den at this point.

Once it became evident to Inuyasha that Sesshoumaru wasn't going to leave, he scowled. "So, are you gonna fuckin' glare into thin air, or are you gonna answer me? Why did you bring up my mother?"

Sesshoumaru ground his teeth. "Father was amused by it," he snapped. After a moment, he added, a bit more softly, "The arguing." He was quiet for several more seconds. "He was amused by her." An even longer pause followed, and when Sesshoumaru spoke, his words were tinted with ages-old bitterness. "And by you." The youkai hadn't held like or dislike for humans in his youth; after Naoko, he'd come to hate them and all associated with them.

Inuyasha checked his step suddenly. "I don't remember that," he said stiffly.

The youkai stole a glance at his half brother. Of course he wouldn't remember. He was barely a pup himself when... Sesshoumaru inhaled deeply, trying to quell the sensations that Naoko always seemed to rouse, before and after her death. "He was... very serious," Sesshoumaru said, his tone low. "He believed in behaving honorably." Or, he claimed to, which is not always the same thing. "He did not find much amusement when I was younger."

Inuyasha turned to look at Sesshoumaru's profile as he stared out over the western lands, his eyes on the glittering oceans beyond the countryside. There was something different in the set of Sesshoumaru's jaw, the way his eyebrows drew together. The stormy expression was one Inuyasha was familiar with. Slowly, pieces fell together with an almost audible click. "But he did when I was a kid." The youkai's only response was a nod. Molten anger flared in Inuyasha's chest. That was it? That was why Sesshoumaru had hated him for as long as he could remember? "You have got to be kidding me. That's what's pissed you off all these years? You were jealous?"

Sesshoumaru heard the anger in Inuyasha's voice and he resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Certainly you're not surprised that this is the conclusion he's drawn. After several moments, he sighed softly and shook his head. "No."

"Oh?" th e hanyou spat sarcastically, glaring darkly at Sesshoumaru.

Several seconds ticked by with no response. He could feel Inuyasha's eyes boring into him, his gaze demanding answers that Sesshoumaru had never intended to give. Then again, there were many things he'd done so far that he'd never intended on doing. Speaking at length to his half-breed sibling -- particularly about this subject -- ranked quite high on that particular list. How had he gotten this far, anyway?

Ah, yes. Delaying the inevitable. Of course. How could I have forgotten?

The fact, Sesshoumaru thought, as he felt Inuyasha's eyes drill into him, was that while he'd often held humans in contempt -- indeed, held his half-brother in contempt, it had never occurred to him that any being might deem it its right to do the same to him. Inuyasha was exempt from this, obviously, having hated him for far longer than any other creature could claim. At least, any living creature.

But Hera... Hera's hatred was boundless, it was limitless. It was... Sesshoumaru shook his head briskly. "Your mother was a noblewoman," he began, his voice soft. "Before she and our father..." he swallowed hard, as if to rid himself of a long bitter taste, "mated, before he was even... aware of her..." Sesshoumaru glanced at Inuyasha from the corner of his eye. He saw the hanyou looking back at him, unwittingly interested. Steeling himself, Sesshoumaru continued. "Your mother... had a miko. A personal priestess."

Inuyasha blinked, his eyebrows twitching together. "She did?" When Sesshoumaru nodded, Inuyasha looked down to find himself absently fingering the prayer beads around his neck. With a sharp yank he brought his hand down to his side. "What does that have to do with anything?"

Forcing himself to ignore the sharp tone in his half-brother's voice, Sesshoumaru continued. "My mother had taken me out for a hunting lesson. I was very young at the time; it is customary among inu youkai for the females to teach the pups how to stalk and hunt. Naoko and her priestess were beyond the city walls on this particular day. Both of them saw my mother in her true form." He kept his eyes trained on the terrain spread out before him, finding himself looking toward the distant waters for strength. "Naoko was frightened by the sight. The miko slew my mother, 'protecting' yours."

The silence that followed was immeasurable. If it were possible, he would have believed the breeze had ceased as well. Sesshoumaru kept his gaze trained on the ocean, waiting for he knew not what. Perhaps for Inuyasha to call him a liar, perhaps for some form of derision, anything but what he heard.

Inuyasha's voice was a bare, parchment-thin whisper. "Shit."

The youkai closed his eyes. He'd not entertained these memories in years, and the sudden rawness they left inside was almost unbearable. "Father..." he said, his voice husky and thick, "was bereft. He was in his human form... mourning at the site of her... fall."

"And he saw my mother?"

Sesshoumaru found that he could only nod. He remembered how their father had explained it to him. 'Naoko grieved for the creature she did not understand -- the creature that had caused her such alarm. She did not slay Tsukiko, Sesshoumaru. Her only crime was to be startled by the sight of the two of you in your true forms.' The explanation had never been satisfactory to Sesshoumaru. Even after their father had slain the miko, after their father's grief had met Naoko's grief, finding a connection amid anguish, Sesshoumaru had never been satisfied. The miko's actions had proven it to him: humans were weak, worthless, ignorant creatures, worth little more than his contempt.

"Hell."< /p>

"I hated you. Hated you because... in some way I blamed you, blamed your human blood."

Suddenly weary, Inuyasha sat down on the limb, shaking his head slowly. The words left him feeling ill and exhausted.

"And I hated that our father's blood ran in your veins as well -- he betrayed me, I thought. You were the manifestation of all that I hated."

Swallowing, Inuyas ha forced himself to look at his half brother, who was still avoiding his gaze. "There was nothin' I could do about it," he croaked.

"Hate is an all-consuming thing; I understand that now better than ever."

Images of Kikyou, rage and hatred corrupting her once-peaceful gaze, flashed through Inuyasha's mind. "Yeah."

Sesshoumaru was silent for nearly a full minute, his mind on the past as well as the present. Had his hatred for all without pure youkai blood brought him here? Was this his punishment for the past? He shook his head. Regardless of his own opinions of humanity, his mate had not been born a human, and had not become one of her own will. No, he refused to entertain the notion that being mated to Teles was a punishment, human or not. Indeed, she had been the one stripped of her divinity, she had been the one punished for her association with him. He was only made to stand by and watch, powerless to prevent, powerless to restore.

It was something with which he was unfamiliar -- this feeling of helplessness. There was nothing he could do. Nothing. Shame, disgusting, cold, and vile roiled in his stomach once again. He despised this feeling -- this weakness. He also could not help but wonder how his mate would welcome him back. It was because of her connection with him that she was in such a situation -- would she come to regret that connection, growing bitter as she found herself growing older? If not for that, then would she resent him for leaving like he had? He was returning to her with a new arm; it was meant to aid him in her protection, but would she see that? Would she understand, or would she come to hate him for it? It was impossible to tell. Inuyasha had only said that Teles was adapting to her human state; he'd said nothing about her attitude toward him.

Sesshoumaru inhale d a steadying breath, steering his mind away from his present thoughts. He had sworn to protect her, and protect her he would, regardless of whether his attempts were greeted with bitterness or resentment. He had given a goddess his word. He would not let anything happen to her or the pup as long as it was in his power. It vaguely reminded him of another pup he'd saved once. After a moment, he glanced at Inuyasha, the faint memory tugging insistently at the far reaches of his mind. "You nearly fell once."

Inuyasha looked up at Sesshoumaru. "Huh?"

He glanced over his shoulder at Inuyasha, who still sat on the branch, watching him. "The first time father made me take you for a ride. You nearly fell. You did fall."

Two dark eyebrows lifted. "And?"

Sesshoumaru's shru g was practically nonexistent, his profile showing almost no expression. "I nearly let you."

"Big surprise ," the hanyou snorted.

Turning his gaze to Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru could almost see him again, his young face with wide, amber eyes staring up at him in horrified surprise as he fell, his silver hair whipping upwards, his ears flattening forward under the force of the wind. His mind leapt to his own child, falling within its mother; Sesshoumaru's throat closed in response. "I caught you by the nape of your neck. You howled so -- it hurt, apparently. Clearly, landing would have hurt more."

"Oh, some would say that I've got the head for it," Inuyasha replied dryly.

Two eyebrows lifted gracefully. "I am not inclined to disagree."

"Yeah, I didn't think you would."

"I did not know why I caught you. It was not because I was afraid of father. Had you fallen it would have been an accident."

"But you did."

Sesshoumaru did not speak for a moment. "I perceived it as a moment of weakness, and your very existence reminded me of that failing. I spent years -- decades -- trying to undo that single moment of weakness." A short, thoughtful silence followed. "Hera hates Teles. Hates her for what she did not do, and hates her more for what she did. Her hatred, her odium pushed her to commit the irreversible with no hesitation."

"No weakness, you mean."

"I will admit there was a time when I would have agreed with that summation. Now..."

"Now, you're the one who's hated 'cause of what you are," Inuyasha supplied, unsurprised. As a half-breed, he'd grown used to being looked down on by both humans and youkai. Sesshoumaru had encountered no such attitudes in his life. Well, it's about time he learned. "Hera hates Teles 'cause of you, 'cause she soiled their line with youkai blood." He was quiet for a moment. "Weakness ain't about doin' somethin' -- or not doin' somethin' -- that'll hurt someone else. Just 'cause Hera didn't hesitate doesn't mean she ain't weak. Weakness don't got nothin to do with it. It was hate, pure an' simple. So, you didn't let me die when I was a pup -- big deal." He pinned Sesshoumaru with a pointed look. "All that meant was, for some reason, you wouldn't kill something that couldn't defend itself." He shrugged. "That's the difference. Hera would kill somethin' that couldn't defend itself. So, she hates youkai. Deal with it. Yeah, she really fucked Teles good, but you know what? She's dealin' with it. Now you need to."

Sesshoumaru nodded again, silently acknowledging his half brother's words. "When I still thought that the spell was reversible, I tried releasing her as my mate. Hera would not accept that. Teles was already..." he swallowed hard, hating the word hovering on his tongue. "Teles was already... tainted."

"Tainted?" Inuyasha repeated, indignant. "That fucking bitch." His mind vaulted back to the shifting pup beneath his hands and he chewed his lip. "Is Teles still in danger? D'you need us to stick around?"

Sesshoumaru shrugg ed gracefully. "She is in as much danger as any other human living in these lands." Sighing softly, he continued quietly, "She could be attacked, grow ill, or die in childbirth. Hera will no longer bother with either of us. She has fulfilled her objective. I'm sure she will now move on to other pursuits."

Kagome flashed through Inuyasha's mind. He knew all too well the dangers there were to humans out there. Even though Kagome was improving as an archer, and she was smart and resourceful in a pinch, that never stopped Inuyasha from worrying. He blew out a breath. "Sesshoumaru, if it can't be changed, then maybe... maybe it was meant to happen this way. Maybe it can't be reversed for a reason."

Sesshoumaru sent Inuyasha a sidelong glance. "I had not expected you to be so philosophical, brother."

The hanyou shrugged. "Blame it on spending so much fucking time with that monk."

Only the faintest smile quirked quickly at Sesshoumaru's lips before disappearing just as fast. After a moment, he said, "I assume you'll want to resume your search for jewel shards at the soonest possible opportunity."

In his mind, Inuyasha could again feel the pup shift under his hands, and he felt a strange pang when he realized that, yes, they would be getting back to the search. He smothered the twinge in his chest with a brisk nod. "Yeah. We wasted enough time around here, anyway. Don't know what the fuck you were thinkin', leavin' like that. I ain't no fuckin' babysittin' service -- or mate-sittin', or whatever you call it."

Sesshoumaru kept his features neutral, his mind peeling away the bluster of his half-brother's words like one might take the skin from an orange. "Indeed. Well, do not let me keep you. Your companions are probably quite anxious to continue the search as well."

"Keh. I don't care about them."

"No, of course you don't." Sesshoumaru looked again at Inuyasha. "But perhaps you should go on ahead and notify them regardless. I will resume my responsibilities while you and your compatriots recommence yours."

Inuyasha nodded once and made a move as if to drop from the tree limb.

"Oh, and Inuyasha?"

He looked up, golden gaze meeting golden gaze. "Yeah?"

Sesshoumaru nodded once. "You have my gratitude for what you've done here."

"Keh. I didn't do if for you. I did it for the pup," the hanyou retorted.

The youkai lord did not respond to the gruff tone in his half-brother's voice. "Be that as it may, thank you." He watched as Inuyasha nodded once and dropped from the limb to begin his return to the den.

Left alone, Sesshoumaru turned his attention back to the lush green of the western lands. So, she already knew she could not be restored. That made one aspect of his return somewhat easier to reconcile. He flexed his left hand absently, noting with a faint, sardonic smile that Inuyasha had not noticed the addition.

Sesshoumaru droppe d gracefully to the ground and began heading for the den. He'd already been gone far too long and had no wish to delay his return any longer.

A/N: First of all -- thank you again for the wonderful, thoughtful reviews. I was really worried that the not-so-action-packed chapters would be a big yawn for everyone. Turns out you guys actually like it when characters are thoughtful and introspective. Yay! Anyway, some of you were curious as to why it's taking Sesshoumaru so long to come back. The way I figured it, it took him two days to get there, a day to meet with both Hera and Aphrodite, and two days to return. He is dragging Jaken along with him, remember. The little toad probably slows him down, whining about bathroom breaks and so forth. :) He'll be back to the den soon enough. *rubs hands together in evil glee*