InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Of Gods and Monsters ❯ Chapter 24: Bitter Wind ( Chapter 24 )

Thanks to my wonderful betas, as usual, to Nassau, whose reviews never fail to send me into fits of laughter, and -- as always -- to Everstar, for not sending me the therapist bills her Sesshoumaru-Muse has been wracking up since I started this fic.

Quick A/N: The "interlude" bit that came previous to this one is basically a continuation of chapter 23, "Estrangement." Just wanted to let you all know that to keep the timeline straight. Okay, on with the pain and suffering! Whee!

Chapter 24: Bitter Wind

It's better this way, I said,

Haven't seen this place before,

Where everything we say and do,

Hurts us all the more.

If all of the strength and all of the courage,

Come and lift me from this place,

I know I could love you much better than this.

~ Lyrics by Sarah McLachlan, "Full of Grace"

It was lovely out.

The sky was brilliant and blue, the sun glaring down on the entire world with almost blinding brightness -- Apollo would have been proud. The sky was only barely dotted with clouds and the breeze rustling through the trees was crisp, bordering on cold. Rin ran through the grass, squealing in delight, watching the steam puff from her mouth as she ran. Her kimono was of a heavier material, appropriate for the cooler weather. In fact, she almost seemed to take no notice of the change in seasons; she was still bright, happy, and exuberant.

All was well, aside from the fact that Teles had been forbidden to join the child. Instead, she stood at the mouth of the den, watching her mate's charge torment Jaken, running up and down the clearing, her arms outstretched, pretending to be a bird -- or, perhaps, a giant, flying, dog-demon. It was hard to tell.

Rin stopped suddenly, turning towards the den and waving, a gleaming smile lighting her face.

Teles lifted her hand, offering a little wave in return, a somewhat forced smile providing no illumination whatsoever to her features.

It had been just short of a week since the altercation in the clearing. Teles had gone inside, staying there even after she was sure that Sesshoumaru had left. He'd returned the following day, once again finding her outside by the stream, and once again scolding her for spending so much time outside in the cooler air. And, much like before, he'd "requested" that she return to the den. The she sun hadn't even set in the sky; afternoon shadows had only begun to lengthen. It hadn't pleased the former goddess in the least bit, but she had acquiesced. The fact of the matter was that Teles was simply too tired to argue the point. Sesshoumaru seemed so displeased so often -- it was just easier for Teles to comply than to bicker, no matter how absurd the youkai's "requests." Added to this was the fact that her unease around him hadn't disintegrated in the least, and she found herself hoping that if she could at least please him, then things might not have been so bad.

Since that strange exchange by the stream, every day that Sesshoumaru found Teles outside, he inevitably requested she return to the den. Every day he seemed to order her inside earlier and earlier. And now, here she was -- standing in the den, in the middle of the afternoon, watching a child who had more freedom than she did.

Something else that seemed fairly peculiar was the degree of frequency with which Sesshoumaru was away from the den. He'd been away patrolling the various sections of the western lands almost continuously. Most recently, he'd been gone for two days, having only returned yesterday. That wouldn't have been so horrible in itself, but he'd taken Rin with him, leaving Jaken at the den with Teles -- an arrangement neither party were particularly pleased with.

Sesshoumaru's behavior had seemed odd at first -- indeed, it was still odd -- but now, as time progressed, Teles found herself wondering whether this behavior was completely groundless. He'd been behaving strangely since her transformation -- since she'd been rendered human. He had avoided her presence, and his discomfort around her was so evident she could almost feel it physically.

And it had all started with her transformation.

Teles closed her eyes, inhaling deeply, letting the sweet, cool, autumnal air fill her chest. No. No, it's not possible. He told me our souls were mated. He told me that we were mated regardless of whether...

'Whether you wish it to be or not, it is the truth.'

Perhaps he no longer wished it.

The very thought sent a strange, tight sensation race through her chest as something cold settled in the pit of her stomach. Was he so very displeased with this human shape? Was he so very displeased with her? Did he regret his behavior?

Did he rue the day she tempted him out of the sky with her song?

***

Sesshoumaru walked quietly up to the mouth of the cave. He stopped suddenly, seeing the familiar silhouette, clad in red and white robes, observing the outside world in silence. He hated ordering her inside as often as he had been doing -- he positively loathed the expression in her eyes when she abandoned sunshine and trees for the dark warmth of the den. Now, though -- now she was standing there, nowhere near the crackling fire inside. He felt the tiniest twinge of hope at this display of semi-defiance. Perhaps... The youkai lord took a few steps closer. "Teles."

The former goddess started slightly, dragged from her reverie by the familiar voice. She used to be able to sense him so clearly; now that the sensation was gone, he was able to sneak up on her with vexing regularity. Turning sharply, she glanced over her shoulder at him, swallowing when she saw how very close he was. Though she feared her form displeased him, there was something about his close proximity that had the ability to render her almost painfully shy. "Y-yes, Sesshoumaru?"

With the soft stammer, the youkai's hope diminished like a doused flame. Damn it. Reining in his disappointment, the youkai tilted his head and regarded her with a bland gaze. "What are you doing?" he asked.

Suppressing a sigh, she swallowed hard. Teles knew this wasn't what he meant by staying inside, and she was in no mood for another lecture. Suddenly feeling unaccountably guilty, as if she'd been caught doing something wrong, Teles replied, "I'm just... watching Rin."

"You are standing right in the middle of the draft from the outside," he riposted coolly.

"Yes... I realize that," she said quickly, swearing internally. "I'm sorry, I just..." Biting her lip, her mind scrambled for an explanation. There was one; she was sure of it. "Rin asked me to join her outside. I... I told her that you'd rather I not go out... She looked so disappointed, I thought perhaps... watching from the den might be a... a reasonable compromise." Teles looked away, suddenly wishing she had simply stayed indoors.

"Without any form of wrap," the youkai said, a growl underlying his words. "Are you trying to make yourself ill?"

His words as well as his tone made her flinch. "N-no, Sesshoumaru-sama. Of course not." Out of the corner of her eye, Teles saw his jaw tighten. Feeling a sense of dread spreading through her gut, she added softly, "I'm sorry. I should have thought--"

I don't care what you think. If only you would yell at me. "Yes," he said curtly. "You should have."

Sparing a glance outside, where the stream fairly sparkled with the light of the sun, Teles murmured in what she hoped was a placating tone, "It... it didn't seem that cold...."

Sesshoumaru's eyes followed his mate's gaze and suddenly he was struck with inspiration. The tiniest smirk almost lit his lips before he schooled it into a more neutral expression. When he spoke, his words held a twist of near-malevolent humor. "But you're not in the sunlight, where it's warm." Narrowing his eyes, the youkai lord carefully watched his mate's response. Her head jerked up sharply, her eyes wide, her expression indignant and incredulous. Fire sparked in jade irises for a moment, and Sesshoumaru's consequent surge of joy was almost dizzying. When he saw her jaw tighten, he added, half-tauntingly, "So perhaps you should go back inside, near the fire."

The sensations that welled up in Teles' chest at that moment were almost foreign. What the hell is he trying to do? Has he lost his mind? Is he trying to make me lose mine? Standing in quiet shock, Teles listened to Sesshoumaru's words, the urge to beat him within an inch of his life growing exponentially. Narrowing her eyes, she folded her arms and looked down, a scowl marring her features. Perhaps I should go back inside, she thought sourly. And perhaps you should go fuck yourself.

Nearly unable to conceal his relief, Sesshoumaru took a few steps closer to his mate, his eyes gleaming at her in the dim light filtering in through the cave mouth. He watched her carefully -- he could hear her quickened heartbeat, he could see the tightened line of her jaw. He wanted to see her eyes -- he needed to see her eyes. He positively had to see those familiar orbs, lit with green lightning. Without warning, Teles sighed softly, her shoulders slumping almost imperceptibly. As he watched the temper drain out of her, the youkai lord found himself biting back a litany of invectives.

"Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama," Teles murmured in a voice that was nearly inaudible.

Clenching his jaw painfully, Sesshoumaru turned away from his mate, making a curt, dismissive gesture. "Very well," he snarled, wanting nothing more than to grab her by the arms and shake her until she came to her senses. Far inside the drape of his sleeve, this hated helplessness caused his right hand to close into a fist, claws puncturing his palm.

As he turned away from her, Teles felt his silent rejection as clearly as one might have felt a physical blow. She blinked away the sudden rush of tears, once again hating her human body as well as her human weakness. She turned slowly to head back into the den. After a few steps, she paused. "...W-will you be inside as well?"

"I am going on patrol," he replied brusquely. There will be a body count.

"Again? But... but you just got back..." Her disappointment was overwhelming -- why was it necessary for him to be gone for so very long?
His expression didn't change. "Again."

Teles swallowed hard. "Must you?"

"Yes."

"I see," she murmured, her voice husky with traitorous tears. "I had... no idea that your patrols would be so... frequent."

At the scent of her tears, Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and winced internally. Part of him was tempted to stay at the den. But then, that would never do. Inuyasha and his companions were due, and Sesshoumaru had no intention of staying under those circumstances. True, he was growing somewhat closer to his brother, but the youkai lord didn't want to risk Inuyasha and his companions noticing that anything was amiss. At least if he were out on patrol, it would be an explained and understandable absence. They didn't have to know how very frequently he was away. Besides that, Sesshoumaru had no patience for another one of his brother's lectures. "...The youkai of the area have one last burst of autumn activity before the winter comes," he replied, with as much cool detachment as he could manage.

"Oh," Teles said softly. "...When do you expect to return?"

"In three days."

A small frown marred her features. "You'll be absent the entire length of your brother's visit?"

A tiny, wry smile tugged at Sesshoumaru's lips. "I thought perhaps it would be better not to expect him to tolerate very much of me," he murmured dryly.

Though Teles heard the humor in his words, she didn't respond. It was too painful to hear -- too much of a reminder of the easy banter they'd once been able to share effortlessly. "Oh." After a few seconds, she swallowed hard. She couldn't bear the idea of him leaving again. She opened her mouth to speak, "Please, don't go," poised on her lips.

Sesshoumaru swallowed as silence passed between them and he suddenly felt infinitely foolish for even attempting the slightest degree of humor. "You're still in the draft," he said, his tone sharp as he cut off her words.

With a flinch, Teles' mouth snapped shut. Without a word, she turned, heading back into the den. She'd only taken about five steps when the pup moved suddenly and roughly, sending a sharp cramp through her lower abdomen. Her steps came to a stop as she placed a hand on the wall of the cave for support, the sudden deluge of tears nearly blinding her. Between her physical pain and the agony of conversation with her mate, she felt her knees almost buckle.

Sesshoumaru had turned and was watching his mate's retreat through the fall of his hair. When she paused he turned further, frowning instinctively when she pressed her hand against the wall of the cave, looking for a moment like she might fall. Suddenly none of it mattered anymore -- his efforts to provoke her, to prick her temper all fell by the wayside as she stood there, completely still. He inhaled instinctively, relieved beyond words when the scent of blood failed to meet his nose. "Teles...?"

Though she heard him say her name, the former goddess didn't respond, choosing instead to close her eyes as she slowly massaged the base of her abdomen. The pup's movements had been growing rougher over time and more and more difficult to tolerate. The idea that Sesshoumaru was going to be gone for three or four more days made anxiety clutch mercilessly at her chest. Don't go. Please, don't go. Stay here; don't leave. Please. Even if you hate me, even if I disgust you, please, don't leave me alone.

"Teles?" he said again.

The word came out almost like a sob. "Yes?"

He took two steps toward her, near-paralyzing worry seizing him. "Are... you..."

In pain? Yes. "He is... active," she managed.

"I see," he replied after a moment, still watching her, his chest tightening abominably. He wanted to reach out to her, to touch her, to comfort her. If she was in pain, it was up to him to alleviate that discomfort. That was his responsibility as her mate. But he couldn't move. Sesshoumaru found that he was rooted to the spot, inexplicably so, and was unable to close the distance between them to offer her the comfort she needed.

He felt useless, and hated himself for it. He hadn't been able to restore her, and now he couldn't even comfort her.

Reaching up and wiping her eyes with her sleeve, Teles slowly, gingerly headed further into the den, leaning on the wall for support. Sesshoumaru watched her go in silence, feeling more ineffective than he ever had on Olympus. His jaw tightened as Teles disappeared into the den, and, with a sudden surge of helpless rage, he drew back a fist and slammed it into the stone wall at the den's entrance. Bright, burning pain eclipsed his hand and shot up his arm. When the youkai lord pulled his hand back, it was bloodied, and he was fairly sure a few of the bones were broken.

That mattered not; bones would heal.

***

Rin's running steps slowly came to a stop as she turned and regarded the mouth of the den in search of Teles-sama. A small frown tugged at her mouth as she realized that she was no longer standing there, watching her. It was strange -- Sesshoumaru-sama had been asking Teles-sama to stay inside more and more often lately. She used to play outside all the time, and now... now she just watched. When Rin had asked Teles-sama about it, she'd only patted Rin lightly on the head and said that Sesshoumaru-sama was worried about the pup, but Rin couldn't understand why Sesshoumaru-sama wouldn't want the pup to get to play outside as well.

The small girl's head tilted slightly to the side as she watched Sesshoumaru-sama stand by himself in the mouth of the cave. Her frown deepened when she saw him hit the wall with his hand. Rin flinched at the sound -- the deep thud of the fist hitting stone. She stood like that, frozen, watching him with wide, observant eyes. He stepped away, shaking his hand lightly before pulling it back into his sleeve.

Her game forgotten, Rin ran up to Sesshoumaru. She smiled up at him, but his expression didn't change. He seemed troubled; his mouth was set in a grim line and his eyes were dark with agony. Rin peered past the youkai, into the mouth of the den. "Is Teles-sama all right?"

"I believe the pup is causing her some discomfort," he said, looking down at her.

Rin tilted her head slightly. She knew that the pup liked to kick Teles-sama from the inside, and continued to do it no matter how many times Rin scolded the swollen stomach. "How come?"

"I do not know," Sesshoumaru replied.

"Oh..." Rin thought about this for a moment. "Didja ask?"

There was a long pause. "No."

Rin nodded, tugging lightly on her ponytail. "...But she'll get better, right?"

"I hope so."

Looking up at him, Rin offered a reassuring smile before wrapping her arms around his leg, hugging him tightly. Sesshoumaru's hand found the ponytail and he ran his claws through it, but for perhaps the first time, it failed to soothe him the way it used to.

Rin smiled at the touch, reaching up to grasp the youkai's hand. Something was troubling him -- she could tell that much. Her hand slid into the folds of his sleeve and found the long, tapered fingers. She blinked when she felt sticky wetness clinging to his skin, and, when Rin pushed the youkai lord's sleeve up, she was shocked to see his battered hand, covered in blood. Her smile faded instantly.

Sesshoumaru looked down to meet his charge's eyes, and was startled to see the solemn concern in her dark irises. It took him a few moments to realize that she held his injured hand in her smaller one. I am that distracted?

"Sesshoumaru-sama?" she asked in a small, worried voice.

It took him a moment to answer. "Yes?"

Rin bit her lip, looking at the abused hand, dark rivulets of blood beading up at his knuckles and trailing down his fingers. "You hurt yourself," she said softly.

After a moment, Sesshoumaru nodded. "Yes. Because I am worried about Teles," he replied in a husky voice.

Rin's response was a perplexed blink. She couldn't understand why anyone would want to hurt themselves, especially if it was because they were worried. She was worried about Teles-sama too, only not as much now, because she didn't need to be in bed so often, and she still told Rin stories and played with her. As far as Rin could see, there was nothing to worry about.

He carefully tucked his hand back into his sleeve. "It will heal in short order. Do not worry."

Frowning, Rin was quiet for a few seconds. "Okay," she finally answered, her tone dubious.

After a moment, Sesshoumaru sighed once. "I am leaving now, Rin. Behave."

Two dark eyebrows arched immediately. "Where are you going, Sesshoumaru-sama?"

"Back on patrol."

A small, disappointed frown drew her eyebrows together. "But we just got back from patrol. How come you're goin' back out again?"

"There were some places I did not take you, because they are too dangerous," the youkai lord answered half-truthfully.

"But you're gonna miss Inuyasha-sama's visit!" She smiled and tugged at his sleeve a little. "Don't go, please?"

"I'll see Inuyasha another time," he replied softly, his tone unwavering. He tried to keep his eyes off of the child's face, but he noted how the light in her eyes had faded somewhat. Feeling a twinge in his chest, Sesshoumaru added, "I will return soon, Rin."

Rin, feeling disappointment rinse through her, sighed, resigned. "Okay."

Nodding once, Sesshoumaru turned and began to walk resolutely into the woods. His absences, while increasingly frequent, never took him too far from the den. He could not in good conscience imagine leaving his mate completely unwatched and unprotected. There were still dangerous youkai in the area. Even though, Sesshoumaru thought with a sliver of dark humor, their numbers have decreased rapidly. "Come, Jaken."

The toad youkai, who had been standing off to the side watching this exchange, perked up suddenly. Though Sesshoumaru had been gone increasingly, he'd either chosen to patrol the western lands alone, or in the company of the human child. This arrangement left him in the company of the former goddess, which, Jaken was sure, neither of them was particularly happy about. The prospect of leaving the den fairly delighted the youkai. "I... I'm coming with you, my lord?"

Slowing his steps only slightly, Sesshoumaru did not turn to address his vassal. "Did I not just say so?"

"Well, Sesshoumaru-sama," the toad stammered, struggling to keep up with the youkai lord's long-legged strides, "you have left me in charge of the human woman during your last few journeys out."

"That is not your concern, Jaken," Sesshoumaru replied, his voice icing over.

Jaken gulped. "Oh, agreed, my lord. Agreed. I was just n-noticing, that's all..."

This time, Sesshoumaru turned his head only a fraction, sending the smaller youkai an icy, venomous glare. "Cease attempting to be perceptive, Jaken."

"Y-yes, Sesshoumaru-sama," Jaken said quickly, rubbing the back of his neck. "I... I wasn't complaining, honestly." He paused, smiling up at the youkai lord. "I would much rather be in your company than watching over some human."

Sesshoumaru's steps came to a sudden stop as his voice dropped to a snarl. "That human is my mate," he managed through his teeth, repressing the urge to pin Jaken to the ground with Toukijin.

His entire body breaking out into a terrified shiver, Jaken's eyes bugged out. "Y-yes, my lord. Of course. I didn't mean it like that... I... I just meant... um..." He watched as Sesshoumaru began walking again, his legs propelling him away from Jaken, who instantly began waddling quickly after him. "It only occurred to me that, perhaps, my lord, a human woman might not be a worthy mate for someone as great and mighty as yourself..."

It took only the barest fraction of a second for Sesshoumaru to hear the words, process them, and act upon them. Sudden rage flooded his body and he spun around in a blur, the brilliant energy whip snapping out of his hand. The unsuspecting youkai was suddenly sailing head over heels across the clearing, his drawn-out scream coming to a stop only when his small body slammed unceremoniously -- and upside down -- into a thick tree trunk. Dazed, he slid downwards, landing first on his head before toppling over into the grass, where he lay a few minutes, wondering what in all the gods' names had happened. He sat up, swaying when his eyesight swam dizzyingly. Rubbing the back of his head, where a large bump was sure to sprout before the night was over, Jaken stared at his quickly disappearing master. I should know better than to point out Lord Sesshoumaru's mistakes to him. But it's not fair that he was deceived in such a manner! I knew that pernicious goddess was nothing but trouble. She has trapped him in a mating, and Sesshoumaru-sama is too honorable to release her!

Frowning, he pushed himself to his feet and began running after the demon lord as fast as his squatty legs could carry him. "My lord!" he called out, trying in vain not to trip over his robes. "My loooooord!!! Wait for me!!"

Sesshoumaru didn't.

***

"Lady Aphrodite to see you, Ryujin-sama," the young sea-turtle said in a clear, melodious voice.

The sea god gave a slow nod of his enormous head. "Good. Send her in, please."

In a moment, the Greek goddess glided into the room, her thick red hair cascading down her back and around her shoulders in loose, shimmering curls. She smiled serenely at the Japanese god. "You have my gratitude for agreeing to see me on such short notice, my lord."

Two thick, inky eyebrows arched. "I think, under the circumstances, I could not deny you something as simple as a visit."

"You know, then," she said, sadness flickering in the gray depths of her eyes. "I suppose I should not be surprised that you found out. She is in your lands -- you would have heard eventually."

"As a matter of fact," the dragon-god said, regarding the goddess, "I heard it not eventually, but in fairly good speed. Lord Sesshoumaru came here to discover the route to Olympus. I had not the heart to tell him his efforts would be in vain."

Sighing softly, the Greek goddess' eyes were cast down for a moment. "He is no ordinary demon."

"No, he is not." The great dragon bowed his head slightly. "Lady Aphrodite, your daughter has been done a great disservice. If there is any way that I or any of my attendants can be of assistance to you, you need only ask. She has been wronged, and though that cannot be undone, I hope that she will not suffer needlessly as a result of your lady goddess' recklessness."

At the god's words, Aphrodite found herself relaxing slightly. "And again, Lord Ryujin, I thank you for your kindness. It is my hope that Hera will be dealt with swiftly. As it stands now, the gods are divided in their opinions. I have no doubt that Teles will appreciate any small kindness, now more than ever." She paused, considering her words for a moment. "I will admit that I had a purpose for requesting an audience with you."

"Anything, my lady. As I said before, you need only ask."

"I would like to request that I be allowed to visit my daughter freely. She has been reborn in your lands; that puts her under your pantheon's protection. However, she has been abandoned by many of her kin. I cannot stand the idea that she might come to think her mother has abandoned her as well." Again. "It would please me to no end if I might be permitted to have contact with her, her mate, and my grandchild."

"Consider your request granted, lady goddess. Please, consider yourself free to visit any in your line. Your blood flows through their veins, and you should not be forbidden from seeing them."

Aphrodite bowed her head. "I am deeply indebted to you, Lord Ryujin. You have my eternal thanks -- as well as my daughter's."

"Your thanks are all I require."