InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Of Gods and Monsters ❯ Chapter 31: Miscalculation -- LEMON ( Chapter 31 )

A/N: Gratitude and a tub full of ice cubes to Merith for the beta (and for helping me tame this into an R-rated piece). Also -- love, vats of caffeine, and a sample of Einstein's DNA to Everstar, who has exams. Big, scary exams in things I know nothing about. Like physics. The quantum kind.

I'm not the type to throw long author's notes into chapters, but this is something that needs to be mentioned ahead of time: this chapter contains a lemon. It also deals with emotions that can only be described as "dark." However, I feel I should warn you that if you're looking for fluffy reconciliation sex, you've come to the wrong story. Mature themes ahead, kiddies.

Chapter 31: Miscalculation

The ice is thin, come on dive in,
Underneath my lucid skin
The cold is lost, forgotten...
Hours pass, days pass, time stands still,
Light gets dark and darkness fills
My secret heart forbidden...
~Sarah McLachlan, "Ice"

They were gone.

Teles was resting on the futon, lying on her side. Before her was a "notebook" Kagome had left behind, and in her hand was a writing utensil the priestess had called a "pencil." Teles held the implement, scraping it across the white background, her hand guiding the dark grey streaks into a series of interlocking shapes -- squares, triangles, and other, larger multi-sided shapes. One shape sprang from another, which in turn spawned another. The order that came with sketching the images brought her a degree of peace -- one she'd been missing for quite some time now.

But, no matter how long she drew, Teles could not quite forget the fact that Inuyasha and his band of compatriots had indeed left at first light. She'd known it was coming, and yet she still found herself unprepared for their departure, because it only meant one thing: Sesshoumaru would want to speak with her.

Ever since she had watched their figures fade into the thick forest, she'd been waiting for her mate to come to her. They had "much to discuss," after all. She'd known that her reprieve would only be temporary -- it would come to an end shortly, she was sure. Just because he had not come to her yet did not mean that he would not come at all. She only had to wait.

After a few more moments of silence, Teles heard the door slide open and she felt the cool prickle of anxiety slither through her veins. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her mate standing in the doorway. Even if she hadn't been able to see him, she would have felt his presence. How odd, she thought absently, ignoring the youkai as she drew, there was a time when I would have dearly loved to sense him again, to feel his life force with my own. Now I can only feel his eyes on me, and I wish that I did not.

For his part, Sesshoumaru was watching Teles with a cool eye, the churning in his gut impossible to ignore. He was still shocked and hurt that she would have kept information about the pup from him. He had promised himself that he would be redoubling his efforts to provoke his mate's temper, and yet he was already so angry and so wounded at her attempt to conceal such a thing, he cared less and less about making an effort to provoke her temper.

A muscle twitched at Sesshoumaru's jaw as he watched his mate, apparently oblivious to his presence. "Teles," he said, his voice as soft and as smooth as raw silk.

After a moment, the pencil stopped scraping across the paper. There was a particularly long beat of silence as Teles lay on the futon, her eyes still on the sketch. "Yes?" she asked, her voice neutral, save for an almost imperceptible tremor. The former goddess chastised herself for it. Damn it. It's bad enough he can hear your heart thundering against your ribs. Must you allow your voice to tremble so?

Sesshoumaru inhaled deeply, watching Teles avoid his gaze. In fact, it appeared less like she was evading his eyes and more like she was ignoring his presence altogether. "Look at me," he said in a steely tone. The youkai's sharp eyes noted the way her grip tightened on the pencil before she lifted her gaze to meet his. And when those sharp eyes noted the trepidation reflected back at him in the green irises, he suppressed a deep growl.

Teles watched him silently. After a moment, she asked, "What is it, Sesshoumaru?" injecting a degree of blandness into her tone. He still caused her a great deal of discomfiture, but she was increasingly more determined to keep him from seeing it.

Swallowing once, the former goddess' mate took several steps forward until he stood looking down at her. "Since you feel it unnecessary to share details about the pup's welfare with me," he began, his voice harsh.

Teles' sigh was inaudible. Damn it.

But Sesshoumaru wasn't through yet. "I've decided that there will be rules so that I know he is being cared for." Pausing for a moment, the youkai watched her, attempting to gauge her reaction. "You will no longer leave the den. For any reason. Rin will be kept away from you to ensure you get enough rest. You will eat properly and at regular intervals. And, you will dress in a manner befitting your status as my mate."

Blinking, the former goddess stared up at him, her jaw tightening. "...I will... dress in a manner befitting my status as your mate?" she echoed, genuine bewilderment coloring her tone.

"I do not care for those robes," he replied coldly.

She was completely still for several seconds. "And... what, precisely, am I to wear?" she asked, striving to keep her tone both neutral and disinterested. Inside, however, she was stunned and shocked, and growing indignant. "You've made it abundantly clear that it is too cold to walk about naked."

The youkai lord lifted one eyebrow only a fraction at her tone. Promising... "I have obtained alternative garments." At her nod, he strode out into the corridor, returning with a trunk in his arms. Setting it down, Sesshoumaru opened the lid and lifted out several elegant, heavy silk kimono as well as several under-kimono made of soft, thick linen, tossing them on the foot of the futon. Dozens of multicolored obi streamed out from the trunk where even more kimono were stowed, folded neatly. Narrowing his eyes at her, he asked, "Have you anything to say?"

For several long seconds, Teles stared impassively at the clothing, cringing inwardly. They were beautiful, certainly, but they looked uncomfortable -- heavy and constricting, and so much different from the diaphanous sheath she'd been accustomed to. Even the miko robes, while different, were soft and comfortable. These garments appeared to be neither. She opened her mouth to say something, but snapped it shut, clenching her jaw even tighter before turning her attention back to the drawing.

Watching her steadily, Sesshoumaru swore, a silent, vicious litany when she failed to reply. Instead, the writing implement resumed its soft scratching. After several moments, she cleared her throat.

"Why punish Rin?" she asked. "She has done nothing."

"I am not attempting to punish Rin," he said, placing particular emphasis on his charge's name.

She looked up at him, her eyes guarded. "Then you have explained this to her already."

"No."

Teles nodded once, her mind scrambling for something she could possibly say to dissuade him from his current track. "She may not understand the situation in the same way you do," she said quietly. Sesshoumaru frowned for a moment, contemplating. During that time, Teles found herself watching him carefully, almost lost in limbo while he considered his response. Rin. She was almost surprised at the strength of her reaction when faced with the idea that Rin would be kept from her. She could not bear to be parted from the child. She would suffer all else, but she could not stand the idea of being forbidden Rin's company.

After an eternity, his answer came. "I will make it clear enough."

Freezing, Teles started to feel a fine tendril of panic unwind deep inside of her, at the pit of her soul. He's... serious. Dear gods, he's serious. Don't take Rin away from me. Please. Please, I beg you, do not take her away from me. Her breaths grew shallow, and for a moment Teles felt faintly lightheaded. "And..." she managed, her voice growing distant, "I am to wear those... things?"

Sesshoumaru stood at the foot of the futon, looking at his mate for a minute. Something was... different about her demeanor. He couldn't put his finger on it, but the demon lord had a sneaking suspicion in the far reaches of his mind that he'd just made a gross miscalculation. He very nearly hesitated before giving his answer. "Yes."

The former goddess stared at the kimono heaped on the bedding without really seeing it. "Even when I am forbidden to go anywhere or see anyone?" she replied, half to herself.

"I wish you to dress thus," was his answer, given coldly and allowing no room for argument.

Her gaze remained on the clothes. "And... if I do not?" she asked quietly.

"Then I will help you dress."

Blinking in confusion, Teles shook her head, looking up at her mate. "No, Sesshoumaru... if I choose not dress thus."

"You've misunderstood me," he replied in a smooth, cool voice. "If you do not dress thus, I will help you dress."

Teles felt suddenly nauseous as she realized what, exactly, her mate was saying. She swallowed in an attempt to rid her mouth of the bitter taste of bile. Her lightheadedness increased and for a moment her vision began to swim. "And..." she began, her voice barely audible, "if I do not... remain in the den?"

"I will help you with that as well," he answered. As he watched her, the tiny nagging feeling grew. He pushed it aside resolutely. This must be done. It must.

When Teles spoke again, her voice was a parchment thin whisper. "Is there anything else?"

"No, there is not," was the detached, calm reply.

Closing her eyes, Teles fought against the roiling in her stomach. She swallowed again, forcing down the swell of nausea that clawed at her throat. "What..." she managed, "what are you going to tell Rin?"

"That you are tired from the pup. That you need to rest more."

She turned her head away from him, eyes still closed. Tears pricked and burned, but she refused to let them spill. "As you wish," she whispered hoarsely.

Fucking hell, what is it going to take, Teles? The youkai's hands curled into fists as he gritted his teeth, watching his mate. "And," he managed through clenched jaw, "you will address me properly."

With a jerk, she looked up at him, puzzlement and disbelief made manifest in her features. "I'm sorry?"

Setting his jaw, he sent her a frigid gaze. "My title. I wish you to use it."

"And... how will that benefit the pup's welfare?" was the baffled reply.

"It won't," he answered dispassionately. "I merely wish it."

Again, Teles found herself fighting the queasiness that seemed to grow despite every effort to stop it. "Very well..." she swallowed hard "...Sesshoumaru-sama." The words tasted heavy and bitter on her tongue. Yes, she had used his title on occasion before, but only as a placating measure. She'd never expected him to demand it of her.

Nodding curtly, the youkai lord turned to leave the room. "Jaken will bring you food shortly."

Teles licked her lips once before replying. "I am not hungry," she said, her voice low and suddenly hoarse. The former goddess forced herself to hold her mate's gaze when he turned and regarded her, one eyebrow arched slightly. "I have no appetite now, Sesshoumaru," she added in what she sincerely hoped was a reasonable tone.

The eyebrow only arched higher. "Sesshoumaru...?"

Every muscle in her body tensed, revolting against the youkai's "request." "Sesshoumaru-sama," she amended quietly, making the correction even as she railed against it.

"Nevertheless, I wish you to eat."

Just because you wish it does not mean that I will do it, youkai. She gazed up at him, her eyes unreadable and blank. "Eating will make me ill at this moment, Sesshoumaru..." Teles gritted her teeth, forcing the final word to form, "...sama."

"I see," he replied, his voice and tone a sneering parody of politeness. "Will there be a better time?"

Teles sent him an opaque look that seemed to last for several minutes before she finally spoke, her eyes blank. "I have no way of knowing," she replied neutrally.

Sesshoumaru appeared to turn this over for a moment. His exterior was as unruffled as ever, but internally he was fighting frustration far greater than he had ever known. She would not react to him, no matter what he did, no matter how he behaved. He swore inwardly before managing in a light, disinterested tone, "Well, let Jaken know if it should occur to you to be hungry."

Her blank expression did not waver. "If it occurs to me, I will."

Tawny eyes the color of honey narrowed in displeasure. "But make no mistake, Teles. If I hear from him that you choose not to eat, I will assist you in that as well," he added, smiling coldly.

Teles' mind was quickly processing his words when something occurred to her. "This means, then, that you will be at the den more frequently?" While before the realization would have pleased her, now it left her overwhelmed with unease.

The youkai gave an elegant shrug. "Perhaps. I've instructed Jaken thoroughly, if I choose to be away." Again he turned to leave. He wanted nothing more than to end this conversation. His frustration with the situation was making it more and more difficult for Sesshoumaru to play the part any longer. He despised artifice, and yet found himself wallowing in it.

As she opened her mouth to reply, the pup, sensing the tension within and beyond the womb, shifted in agitation. Its mother suppressed her wince as she responded with a flat, "Fine."

The pup's father, on the other hand, noticed the shadow of pain as it passed over the pregnant woman's brow. Anxiety surging up in his chest and tightening his throat, he frowned instantly. The monk's words replayed themselves in his mind and a ribbon of panic unwound itself in his chest. The icy façade that had been maintained by an act of sheer will began to fracture under the stress that came with the slight wince. He walked around the futon, reaching out to his mate, ready to drop to his knees to soothe her discomfort. "What--"

But his mate turned away from him. When she spoke, her voice was oddly cold, completely void of any emotion. "He is moving. It is what he does. You can stop that no more than you could get my immortality restored."

The words hit him like a slap, and the glowing ember of concern that had lit the youkai's eyes was extinguished instantly. His hand dropped to his side and he tilted his chin ever so slightly upward. "As you say, lady." He turned and stalked to the door, pausing only once before looking over his shoulder and shooting her a cruel, mocking smile. "But I couldn't, could I?" Without another word, he opened the door and left, sliding it shut behind him. He continued on to the library, his movements deliberate and stiff, where he lowered himself to one of the mats, sitting perfectly still. He could not move; he could barely think. Sesshoumaru felt brittle, as if the slightest touch would render his smooth edges ragged enough to cut.

In the bedchambers recently deserted by the youkai lord, his mate lay still on her side, her eyes closed, her mind numb, and her body possessed by fine tremors. Salt water fought its way past her shut lids, clinging to her lashes and trailing down her face, the two tracks slowly coming to meet in a point at her chin. Some of the tear tracks slid past her chin and down her neck, coming to rest in the hollow of her throat. A distant part of her mind told her that she should wipe her face, but she could not summon the will to move.

A strange wheezing sound made her brows twitch in confusion and when she opened her eyes, she was only marginally surprised to find that it had been the sound of her own rapid, shallow breaths. The entire conversation replayed itself through her memory with blazing speed, and Teles felt her shoulders wrack in a violent shudder as she covered her face in an attempt to smother the harsh, hoarse sobs that were fighting their way up through her throat. She somehow managed to quiet her cries if for no other reason than because she did not want her mate returning.

***

At the other end of the den, quite oblivious to the most recent altercation between her guardian and his mate, Rin wandered the halls in search of her Sesshoumaru-sama. Eventually her steps brought her to the library. He liked it in that room, with its comfortable mats and flickering lamplight. Rin liked it in there as well, but was only allowed to enter if her Sesshoumaru-sama was already in there.

Rin stepped closer to the door. It was open just enough for her to peer inside. Upon seeing her guardian, the child's face lit in a grin. He was sitting by the low, black table, eyes closed. Knocking lightly on the door with one hand, she brought the fingers of her other hand to fidget lightly in the sleeve of her kimono. "Sesshoumaru-sama?"

At the sound of the young voice, the frustration, anger, hurt, and anxiety the youkai had been attempting to ease out of his soul flared up yet again. Tawny eyes blinked open and he made a conscious attempt to smooth out his voice, which was still somewhat rough. "Yes, Rin?"

Rin slid the door open a bit more and stepped into the room. "Sesshoumaru-sama, I was wondering... Jaken-sama doesn't want to take me outside to play because it's too cold, and he doesn't like it when it's cold. But I really want to go outside."

After a moment, Sesshoumaru nodded. A reptilian youkai, Jaken had a lower tolerance for cooler weather. While the youkai lord knew that Jaken would take the child out if he wished it, Sesshoumaru wasn't in the mood to ask. "Very well."

For a moment, Rin looked apprehensive. "He said not to bother you, but..."

Sesshoumaru stood in one graceful movement. "It's no bother." Indeed, getting outside for a moment sounded undeniably appealing. He looked down into the girl's face and, when he saw that she was beaming up at him, Sesshoumaru felt his lips pull into a small, inadvertent smile. Placing a hand on her shoulder, he walked with her towards the entrance of the den.

Rin trotted along, keeping up with the youkai's long strides. "Do you think it'll be snowing when the pup's born, Sesshoumaru-sama?"

He considered this for a moment. "Most likely."

She smiled at that. "Good."

Two dark brows twitched slightly. "Good?" he echoed.

Rin nodded once. "Then I can show him how much fun it is to play in the snow."

Sesshoumaru's steps slowed to a stop as he looked down at the young girl. "He will be too little for that in the beginning, Rin."

Frowning, Rin tilted her head to the side, her small fingers fidgeting with her obi. "But... I thought he was getting bigger inside Teles-sama's tummy?"

"Yes, but..." the youkai lord's words trailed off as he tried to think of the best way to explain the situation to his charge. He sometimes forgot how very young she was, and took for granted that she would understand things. "He will be even smaller than you are," he explained patiently. "He won't even know how to walk at first. But," Sesshoumaru said, crouching down until he was more on the girl's level, "he will learn."

"Will I get to teach him stuff like that?" she asked hopefully.

"Of course. You will be his elder sister." His words brought a wide smile to the child's face, and Sesshoumaru felt himself relax further, soothed by her expression. But, after a moment, the grin faded as a perplexed frown twitched at her forehead.

"But..."

"Yes?" Sesshoumaru prompted gently.

"If you're his papa, and Teles-sama is his mama... I can't be his sister."

A thoughtful frown touched at the youkai's forehead. Again, he took his time formulating his answer. "No, you will not be related by blood, Rin. But you will take care of him, and teach him things. You will be his sister in your heart -- and in his." He was quiet for a moment before a quick snippet of conversation wound its way through his memory. "Or hers," he added.

Looking down with a smile, Rin reached out and toyed almost shyly with the long sleeve of Sesshoumaru's kimono. "Okay, Sesshoumaru-sama. I'll be the pup's big sister."

"Thank you, Rin," he said, standing again. In an instant, two small arms were wound around his leg as she hugged him tightly. The gesture was so familiar, so soothing, that the youkai lord exhaled an imperceptible sigh of relief as he reached down and ran his claws through her ponytail slowly, letting the soft, dark strands part through his fingers. After a moment of this, he swallowed hard. "Rin..."

"Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama?"

"I need you to do me a favor," he said softly, never ceasing the soothing motions. "It is an important favor." When he glanced down at his charge, he saw her looking up at him, giving him her full attention. Telling himself that this was for the best, he pressed on. "The pup has been making your Teles-sama hurt and tired. She is all right, but she needs to rest more."

Rin's dark eyes reflected her worry instantly. "The pup is hurting Teles-sama still?"

Sesshoumaru blinked. "...Still?" Did everybody know about this? After a second, he shook off the slight discomfiture. "Yes, still." He pursed his lips, absolutely hating what he was doing, hating that he was essentially lying to his charge. He'd never had need to lie before, and it galled him that he was doing it now. "I want her to have plenty of quiet."

Rin nodded dutifully. "I can be quiet, Sesshoumaru-sama."

"She will be staying in her room. You can play with her again once the pup is born, but..."

It was this news that caused the child's face to fall slightly. "I can't play with her anymore? She... she can't tell me any more stories?"

Swallowing hard against the sudden surge of guilt, he sent the child what he hoped was a reassuring gaze. "Just for a while."

"But if I don't play with her, she'll get lonely," Rin reasoned.

Another wave of guilt washed over the youkai lord and he found that he was starting to feel somewhat ill. "It won't be for very long," he assured her, but to his own ears the reassurance sounded hollow. "The pup is very nearly ready to come." He didn't know if it was the truth; he hoped it was.

"But...she was so lonely while you were gone, and that was only for a few days."

"She was?" he asked, wincing almost immediately. Excellent. This is excellent. I'm reduced to making pathetic inquiries of my own charge to find out how my mate is doing.

Again Rin smiled up at her guardian. "It's okay, Sesshoumaru-sama. You're back now. So, she should be happy again."

"I hope she will be," he said quietly, running his claws through her ponytail once more. Perhaps...

After another moment or two of silence, the youkai lord and his charge continued on to the mouth of the den. Sesshoumaru had been so preoccupied with his mate's transformation and consequent change in spirit that he hadn't paid the same level of attention to the changing seasons around him. He paused at the den's entrance and stared out at the clearing, taking in the autumnal brilliance that sent the foliage into blazing color. For a moment, things almost felt... normal. Or, at least they would have felt normal had he been able to push his conversation with Teles from his mind.

She seemed... different, he thought with a faint frown. She was not as apologetic as she has been. And yet, neither did she demonstrate the spark I know still exists in her.

He had just taken a step outside when he heard the faint sound of clothes rustling coming from behind him. Sesshoumaru turned in time to see the faint silhouette of his mate standing several arms' lengths away from him. Her expression was shadowed in the dimness of the corridor, but when she spoke, her voice was clear and detached, her tone cool and somewhat sardonic.

"Sesshoumaru-sama."

His jaw tightened reflexively. Damn it. But he too schooled his voice into its standard timbre, disinterested and impassive. "Teles."

"The garments you've procured for me are... quite ridiculous," she said serenely. "There are no fastenings whatsoever."

His jaw clenched more tightly. She is going to wear them, he thought with an inward sigh. Damn it, woman, disobey me! "They tie shut," he replied blandly.

Teles stared at her mate, her teeth grinding painfully as she regarded him. She'd felt a swell of irritation and disgust as she made an effort to change into the embroidered silken attire. None of it had made any sense. Her own sheath had been held with her clasp, and she'd been able to knot the material after she'd given the brooch to Rin. Even the miko robes made sense. But these kimono... they were as strange as they were ornate. She'd thrown the garments to the futon in frustration, dressing again in the miko robes before coming out to find Sesshoumaru. She watched him for a moment before swallowing and forcing her voice to form without so much as a quiver. "I require assistance."

"Very well," Sesshoumaru said, a faint sliver of apprehension slicing down his spine. I have not touched her since she was changed, and she is asking me to help her dress? Swallowing, he looked down at Rin. "I must help your Teles-sama for a moment, Rin. When I return, I will accompany you outside."

The girl nodded once, smiling up at him. "Okay, Sesshoumaru-sama."

He offered her a small smile -- only the barest curve of his lips -- before turning and approaching Teles. When he drew nearer, she turned wordlessly and strode back to their chambers.

As Teles walked, her movements stiff and deliberate, she felt the molten anger that had flooded her veins grow even hotter; she had seen the warm, kind smile he'd sent Rin -- Rin, whose company she had been denied. Rage made her hands curl into fists as she walked into their bedchambers. She stood by the foot of the futon, staring at the pile of clothes. She heard Sesshoumaru slide the door shut before he closed the distance between them, standing behind her.

Sesshoumaru stared over Teles' shoulder, looking down at the twist of clothing on the futon. Frustrated that she was obeying him -- that she hadn't lost her temper when he'd given her so many different reasons to -- Sesshoumaru looked down, the cogs in his mind slowly turning as he strove to come up with something that would provoke her. After a few seconds of thought, something suggested itself to the youkai. He dismissed the idea at first, but so great was his frustration that he pulled it back to the forefront of his mind, turning it over thoughtfully. His anger and frustration were slowly mounting, and by this point he wanted to taunt her; he wished for her to be as frustrated as he. He wanted to make her feel uncomfortable, to make her blush; he wanted to fluster her.

If he could not provoke her with words, perhaps he could do so with actions.

Swallowing hard and setting her jaw, Teles folded her arms over her chest and glared at the tangle of kimono and obi. "Some are plain, some are not, and... why are there so very many sashes?" There was no logic to the garments. Sesshoumaru had said they tied shut, but it made little sense to have something held on with only a sash. She looked over her shoulder at her mate to emphasize her point, but when she saw the rapacious smile that had formed at his lips, she blinked once. What on earth is he smiling about? And why is he smiling... like that?

The two mates stood in silence, staring at each other, one gaze distinctly wary, the other faintly mocking, but flickering in the darkening depths of his eyes, compounding with the hungry smile lighting his lips, was desire. Despite the hush that had settled on the bedchamber, the air was suddenly charged and seemed to grow thicker.

Slowly, Sesshoumaru reached up and pulled at his obi, untying it. She wishes for me to assist her in dressing? Very well. I will provide the object lesson myself.

As his kimono and gi fell open, he saw the faint flush rise in her cheeks as he heard her heartbeat increase. Never taking his eyes from her face, he shrugged out of the embroidered kimono and turned slowly, glancing down at the clothing on the futon. "You see," he said, his voice dropping to nearly a whisper, "the plain ones go underneath. So..." he said, stepping closer, pinning her under his gaze like a predator sizing up its prey, "let me help you."

Teles stood completely still under the scrutiny of the darkening amber eyes. As he drew closer, she realized she could feel the heat radiating off of him, and that realization made her pulse jump slightly. Swearing silently, she forced her breathing to remain slow and regular as the distance between them diminished. I asked for assistance, she thought darkly. I did not ask to be betrayed by my own body. And yet, it was happening; her pulse drummed an ever-increasing tattoo in her ears, and with every step he took closer to her, she felt herself grow warmer and more lightheaded.

And then, with maddening slowness -- as if he expected her to jerk away -- Sesshoumaru reached out and gently released the ties on her hakama, slowly easing the linen over her hips, running his hands down her legs. Her pulse tripped as his hands, warm and knowledgeable, slid leisurely over the muscles in her thighs and calves. Feeling the air slowly leave her lungs, Teles closed her eyes. These are just his hands. He is only touching me. I do not need to react to his touch.

And yet, it had been well over a month since her transformation -- a month without his touch, a month without feeling the many things that his touch elicited. For as much as she did not want to react to him, her body responded regardless. When he ran his hands up the length of her torso, pausing only long enough to pull at the ties holding the miko haori shut, she inhaled sharply. Teles stood perfectly still, staring up at him as he watched her, his eyes now bronze, the narrow slits of his pupils dilating slowly. She noticed that even his own breathing had grown somewhat uneven.

When the miko attire fell open, she closed her eyes for a moment as her body responded to both the open air as well as her mate's gaze. There was a tiny movement in her throat as she swallowed before opening her eyes and looking up at him with an undecipherable expression. Is this how it is to be? Whatever he desires, I will supply?

Despite her thoughts, she felt her body flush as his eyes raked over her. And when the hands that had so carefully slid the hakama down her legs went to her shoulders, Teles' entire body broke out into gooseflesh. As Sesshoumaru's skilled hands moved across her fevered skin, pushing the haori and gi from her shoulders, Teles felt the simple touch evoke a myriad of responses from the rest of her body. Though his fingers were nowhere near her breasts, her nipples puckered and hardened in anticipation -- her body aching for more of his touch. Heat, sudden and dizzying, unfurled in her belly before spreading downward, between her legs. Her tongue quickly snaked out to lick her lips, which had grown undeniably dry. She wanted him.

At the sight of her pink tongue darting out, Sesshoumaru found himself swallowing a ragged groan. His initial intention had been to embarrass her -- to taunt her, and now he was finding himself in far over his head. Moving somewhat awkwardly, the youkai reached down and picked up a pale linen under-kimono.

"Here," he said, a bit hoarsely, encircling Teles in his arms, holding the kimono open behind her. She slid her arms into the sleeves and he could hear her soft gasp as his knuckles grazed her arms and shoulders. Swallowing hard and attempting to tamp down on the surge of lust that threatened to overwhelm him, he wrapped the linen closely about her, trying to resist the urge to brush his hands over her breasts. But his eyes dropped to the crescent moon on the upper swell of her left breast, and when his fingertips grazed its sensitive underside, he inhaled sharply in an attempt to steady himself.

It was at that point that the slightly musky, slightly sweet scent that only could have been his mate's arousal filled his nostrils; her breath hitched at his touch as she bit back a whimper. The soft noise was a spark landing on a pile of dry kindling.

The hell with it. Without another word -- without another thought -- the youkai pulled his mate tightly to him, his mouth descending on hers with a hard, possessive kiss. Mine, a distant voice growled from the far reaches of his mind. Mine, it repeated, over and over again. She was his mate. She belonged to no other. Soft, slender arms wrapping tightly around his neck only solidified this thought. The hot, pliant mouth working against his, kissing him just as hard and just as demandingly, anchored him. Mine. You are mine.

Nothing existed beyond the taste of his mate, the feel of her tongue sliding against his, and the warmth of her body as she pressed against him. He no longer cared that she was human, that she was pregnant, that she was angry, that he was angry. None of it mattered. In fact, the only thing that did matter was his desire to feel more of her, to touch her skin, to breathe in her scent; he wanted to get lost in her. Groaning, he slid his hands beneath her linen undergarment, shuddering as her smooth skin met his palms. The touch elicited a low, keening moan from deep in her throat that reverberated in his mouth.

More. He needed to feel more of her. With that guiding him, Sesshoumaru pushed the kimono back off of her shoulders before breaking the kiss and dropping to his knees, wrapping one arm around her while his free hand splayed across her stomach. He brought his mouth to one of her breasts, licking slowly at the hardened nipple. It puckered further under his ministrations, and he was vaguely aware of Teles' hands fisting in his under-kimono as she arched against his mouth.

The chamber, which had been rife with unease, was now filled with the sounds of flesh sliding against flesh, ragged breathing, and soft, breathless groans. The air only grew more charged as they stood, pressed against each other, hands and mouths searching desperately for more flesh to touch and taste.

The moment his mouth had descended on hers, all of Teles' thoughts had come to a screeching halt. It had been so long, so very long since he had touched her in such a way, since she had felt his tongue sweep into her mouth, tasting her, claiming her. Any misgivings she might have had were washed away under the waves of desire that came with his insistent kisses. Boldly she'd returned the kiss, tasting him, groaning into his mouth as the sensitive tip of her tongue danced across his fangs. Their teeth clicked against each other in their haste, the sensation only serving to further their ardor.

Initially disappointed when he broke the kiss, Teles' head had dropped back when Sesshoumaru's mouth closed over her nipple, the heat of his tongue laving across her flushed skin making her shudder. He licked her slowly, each swipe across her flesh sending sparks dancing behind her eyelids. Her thoughts quickly scattering, Teles panted, blindly tugging at his under-kimono, desperate to touch him. And when his fang lightly grazed her aching nipple, Teles' body jerked sharply as she cried out his name, the last syllable coming out in a whimper.

She felt him move against her, and before long, the material she'd been holding on to so tightly slid from his shoulders. Teles could once again feel the solid musculature under her hands. Panting, she looked down at him, her color high, her eyes bright and feverish. His under-kimono was gone, and he was open to her gaze. Want coursed through her veins at the sight of him -- eyes closed as he laved her skin, face flushed with desire, a faint sheen of sweat breaking out over his flesh, making silver strands of hair cling to his skin. When he opened his eyes, their gazes locked for a moment and, slowly, deliberately, Sesshoumaru moved to her other breast. He stared up at her as his mouth closed over her nipple and he began sucking hungrily.

The attentions paid to her flesh sent dizzying waves of desire through her. She brought her hands to his hair, letting her fingers tighten around the silken locks, pulling him even closer to her. "Do not stop," she managed breathlessly.

His growl was deep and almost felt as if it reverberated across her skin. "No. Not now. Not ever."

The hand that had been at her abdomen slid downward, gliding across her skin until it slipped deftly between her legs, elegant, tapered fingers searching for her heated, slick flesh. Teles' eyes shut tight and she uttered a sharp, undoubtedly pleased cry as his fingertips slowly teased her folds. In a moment, his hand was gone, and when she managed to open her eyes, she saw that he was once again standing. Smoothly, he dipped his head to her neck, letting his fangs drag slowly across her skin. She shuddered against him, the light scratch sending tiny jolts of pleasure through her. Before long, his mouth was at her ear, and she could feel his humid breath tease against the sensitive skin.

"Turn around," he whispered, in a soft, ragged purr. With only the tiniest gasp, Teles turned, groaning hoarsely as his hard chest pressed against her back. She felt him move and heard a soft rustle as his pants fell. They were now pressed against each other, Sesshoumaru's arms wrapped around Teles' body, his hands teasing her aching breasts, caressing her flushed, damp skin.

Groaning, Teles tilted her head back against his shoulder. "I want to touch you, Sesshoumaru," she breathed.

"You can," he purred into her ear. "Later." Without another word, she felt him nudge his erection between her legs.

Whimpering softly, she shook her head and reached out blindly behind her. "No... now." Her fingers drifted downward until they grazed his hardened shaft. His ragged groan wreaked aural havoc on her and with his shudder came the lightest graze of his fangs against her shoulder. Teles gasped sharply, shifting a bit until her fingers closed around his length.

Sesshoumaru jerked as her soft fingers encircled him, and he thrust into her hand reflexively. But, no, he didn't want her hand, or her mouth. Being so close and feeling her heady scent wind around him was dizzying. Nothing but her would do. "Teles," he managed huskily.

"Yes?" she breathed, stroking him as she turned her head to the side, looking up into his face.

Every touch of her fingers sent sparks racing along his nerves. Swallowing his groan and resisting the urge to thrust into her hand yet again, he spoke in a low, rumbling growl. "I want... to be inside you..."

Nodding slowly, her green eyes nearly completely swallowed up by the black of her pupil, she murmured, "I want you there."

Slowly, reluctantly, his hands left her body, the fingers of one hand closing around her wrist, gently pulling her hand away from his erection. Once more, the hardened flesh, hot with blood, nudged between her legs. Sesshoumaru's arms braced her as he again sunk down to his knees, this time carefully pulling Teles down with him. As his erection slid into her, their combined groans bounced off the walls of their bedchamber.

Heat more intense than Sesshoumaru had remembered enclosed him, the tight, slick channel enveloping his erection. His shudder was immediate as every single nerve ending in his body was jerked awake. He pressed the side of his face against the back of her neck and could feel her shift and squirm in his lap, moaning his name breathlessly. Reaching around her body, he cupped one of her breasts in his hand, scraping his thumb claw slowly over the sensitized nipple. After only a moment, her hand was over his, guiding him in his ministrations as she moved again against him.

Holding her securely with his other arm, he rocked upwards, further into her molten heat. Almost instantly, her head fell back and the hand over his curled into a fist, her nails dragging across the top of his hand.

"Gods, yes," she breathed, her other hand fisting in her hair and tugging lightly at the mahogany strands.

Growling in assent, Sesshoumaru slid out almost completely before sliding back into her; every time her slick, snug body closed around him, he felt his control nudged ever further. He groaned again, a low, rough growl that sounded more animal than anything else. When his mate cried out incoherently, writhing back against him, he continued to thrust into her, hard and slow and deep, his mouth licking and nipping at the juncture of her neck and shoulder as his fingers continued to caress and tease her flesh even further.

For her part, Teles was very nearly out of her mind with desire. Sesshoumaru's attentions were quickly sending her further into a frenzy. Her mind was overrun with sensations -- his mouth, a contradiction of sharp teeth and soft tongue, played across the sensitive skin of her neck; his hands teased and stroked her flesh, savoring the feel of her almost as much as she herself savored his touch. Everything that had occurred up until this point was lost in the rush of lust and desire that threatened to drown them both.

Yours. I am yours, she thought dazedly. Always. And you are mine.

Every thrust into her sent a steady hum through her as her body reacted to the welcome intrusion. Licking her lips slowly, she let one hand coast down the side of her body before slipping between her legs, almost shyly fingering the damp folds of flesh. The next thing she heard was Sesshoumaru's velvet voice and warm breath tripping across her ear.

"Would you like my help with that?"

She shivered violently against him, eyes closed. "Mmm... please," she murmured softly. After only a fraction of a second, she felt his hand move slowly down her arm until he found hers, feathering his fingers between hers so they were stroking, rubbing, and teasing the hardened, sensitized nub together. The added sensations sent fire coursing through her, and her reaction was almost instant. Writhing against Sesshoumaru, Teles arched her back, further baring her neck to him. "Gods, yes... Oh gods, Sesshoumaru..."

His response was a sharp nip on the side of her neck, which only served to fan the flames. She gasped suddenly, moving against their hands, her entire body twitching with anticipation of the dam that was growing weaker with every surge of lust. "Yes," she breathed, her throat closing off at another whimper. "Touch me, take me, mark me... as long as it's you."

Those words, spoken so softly, sent a shot of pure want through the youkai lord. He was, by this point, shaking as he held off his orgasm through sheer willpower, and he clamped his jaws together in an effort to bite back the loud growl that was rising in his chest. "Mine," he said through clenched teeth. "You're mine."

"And you are mine," Teles replied throatily. She parted her legs a bit wider to accommodate both of their hands, rubbing and teasing at her clitoris. Just then, as the blunt side of one of Sesshoumaru's claws scraped across the tiny bit of blood-engorged flesh, Teles felt something snap inside of her. The crest that had been building, slamming against the walls of her control, finally broke. Her body was soon flooded with a rush that left her feeling both hot and cold, and her limbs weightless as points of light danced like stars behind her eyelids. It was possible that she had cried out, and even more probable that it had been his name she'd cried. But at the moment, the only noises she could make were breathless whimpers as her body rocked with aftershocks, intensifying with every one of her youkai mate's thrusts.

Sesshoumaru had felt his mate's body slide against his, he had heard her call out his name over and over again, but when he felt her slick, tight channel tighten spasmodically around him, he could barely remember not to sink his teeth into her flesh. He pressed his mouth against her shoulder in an attempt to muffle his own cry as the orgasm flooded his veins like wildfire, sending his blood pounding in his ears. Wrapping his arms around her, he thrust upwards over and over again until the sensation subsided, leaving him trembling and exhausted. Breathing raggedly, he laid back onto the futon, tugging Teles down with him.

They lay sprawled across the bedding, crushing a few of the elegantly embroidered garments. And yet, Sesshoumaru didn't seem to care. He lay on his side, Teles' back still pressed against his chest, his right arm tucked possessively around her, holding her close to him. Closing his eyes, he nuzzled at her shoulder, the flesh there riddled with reddened bite marks.

After a moment, he felt Teles slowly disentangle herself from his arms, turning to face him before burying her face in his neck, inhaling deeply. It was almost as if she were trying to absorb him. He opened his eyes long enough to look down at her, to reassure himself that this was her and not one of the many dreams that had plagued him over the weeks. Then, closing his eyes again, he wrapped his arms tightly around her, swallowing against a twinge of nausea. She has to be my mate. She has to be.

Resting contentedly against the youkai's solid, warm body, Teles tucked her head under his chin, resolutely not thinking about the time since her transformation. Mine. You are mine. You were always mine. Say what you will, do what you will. If I disgust you, then so be it. Hate me if you must, but it does not erase the fact that I am yours. She remained perfectly still, reluctant to speak or move. The moment felt delicate and breakable, as if it had been made of spun glass. She almost sighed, choosing instead to close her eyes, content never to leave their room, or even move again. Of course, I still haven't the foggiest idea how to dress myself beyond the under-kimono...

After several more moments of blissful silence, both Sesshoumaru and Teles found themselves unwillingly reminded of the very things they'd been trying to forget. Slowly, through no fault of their own, in opposition to their desires, the spell that had settled over the bedchambers faded, dissipating like dew under the heat of the sun.

Teles licked her lips, wetting them. "That was very... educational. However... I still require assistance." She swallowed hard, unwilling to move. "And... Rin is still waiting for you."

Sesshoumaru sighed softly. "Yes," he murmured. After a moment, he pulled away, looking down at her with dark, confused eyes. He searched for an answer, for some explanation in her gaze, but saw only more confusion reflected back at him.

Teles' eyes were fixed on Sesshoumaru for what felt like an eternity of silence before she cleared her throat softly. "I wish to accompany you," she said quietly. And she did -- she wished to join him outside with Rin -- she wished to be with him in whatever capacity she could, if for no other reason than to allow herself time to consider what had just transpired. He had not treated her with disgust, and he certainly hadn't acted like someone who was revolted by the sight of her. Perhaps... she thought, biting her lip. Perhaps he too has required time to become accustomed to this.

He blinked once. "Accompany me?" he asked, faintly puzzled.

"Outside," she said, her voice nearly inaudible.

The youkai lord stiffened slightly. "I do not think that wise."

Shoulders sagging, Teles pulled away from Sesshoumaru, swallowing hard. She saw him sit up and run a still-shaky hand through his hair. Likewise, she sat up, feeling suddenly shy and exposed. "So," she murmured, crossing her arms over her breasts, covering them, "this... punishment still stands."

Sesshoumaru swore silently, almost able to feel the battered and beaten walls rising again. "It is not a punishment," he replied neutrally.

"Oh?" she replied, a thread of bitterness weaving through her tone.

The youkai lord gritted his teeth. "It is what is best for the pup. I have already explained this to you." Wordlessly, Teles reached down and picked up the miko haori and gi, shrugging into it. Sesshoumaru set his jaw. His head was spinning with confusion, self-disgust, and a shaky satiety. He'd never lost control so. He'd never attempted to use sex as a weapon. His lapse disgusted and appalled him. He wanted desperately to escape from the chamber that smelled of them entwined; he needed to breathe clean air and clear his mind. He simply could not cope with the frustration and bitterness seething beneath the surface of his mate's cool words. He narrowed his eyes at her. "I told you, I do not care for that clothing."

"You said you wanted what is best for the pup," Teles replied blandly. "I fail to see how my attire affects the child one way or another."

His patience, his self-possession was stretched so very thin by that point, he failed to recognize that he'd been given the very thing he'd wanted for so long. Sesshoumaru nodded thoughtfully before picking up the red hakama, tearing the pants carefully down the middle before letting the linen flutter noiselessly to the floor.

The former goddess gave a dry, humorless laugh. "So, it has very little to do with what the pup wants, and very much with what you want. I see."

Sending her only the briefest of frigid looks, Sesshoumaru stood up smoothly, dressing himself in silence. She'd seemed so close for a moment. For a moment, she'd been his again. And now -- now he could feel the chasm widening between them, and he did not know how to stop it.

At his silence, Teles looked down, feeling ill. Her discomfiture only increased as his silence continued. Perhaps even this had more to do with what he wanted. Without another sound, she slipped the haori and gi from her shoulders, shrugging slowly into the under-kimono discarded earlier. She watched him through the fall of her hair, and when he offered her his hand, she took it, allowing herself to be pulled to her feet. She stood under the oppressive hush of the room, her face burning with shame as her mate's hands casually wrapped the under-kimono about her. He then picked up one of the plainer silken kimono, helping her into it as well. He worked methodically, his touch impersonal as he assisted her. Before long, he'd secured the obi around the middle of her body. As soon as he was done, Teles stepped away, wanting nothing more than to increase the distance between them.

His task complete, Sesshoumaru walked stiffly to the door, opening it.

The quiet voice almost surprised him. "I do not like them. They are too constricting."

He glanced over his shoulder at his mate, golden eyes that were only moments ago dark with desire now glaring coolly at her. "That is what there is," he replied softly. He strode through the open door, sliding it shut behind him. He walked slowly toward the den's entrance, though it was the last place he wished to go. But, as had been pointed out to him, Rin was awaiting his return.

Left alone in the silence of the bedchamber, the musky scent of sex still clinging to the air as a mocking reminder of what had just transpired, Teles stood perfectly still. She stared impassively at the rice paper door; her eyes were strangely dry. She'd cried so much lately, and yet now she found that she could not.

Sesshoumaru's parting words echoed through her mind, taunting her even in his absence. 'That is what there is.'

"Then I will find something else," she whispered.

A grief without a pang, void, dark, and drear,
A stifled, drowsy, unimpassioned grief,
Which finds no natural outlet, no relief,
In word, or sigh, or tear--
~Samuel Taylor Coleridge, "Dejection: An Ode"