InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ On my own ❯ On my own ( Chapter 1 )

Author: are-en1

 

Title: On my own

 

Disclaimer: I own nothing of the Inuyasha character of what so ever. They all belong to Rumiko-sama. But the story IS MINE. So I own em', urrrr…. The story I mean. And as usual my grammar suck because English was not my fav subject (Blame anyone but ME!!) So don't read unless you can take it. So urm, there you have been warn!!

 

Summary: Didn't they say, if we love someone, we must willing to let them go? And if they comes back, it's were truly ours. But she had these feelings that he will not return. Return her feelings. Return to… her. Forever. -(Inu/Kag)- 1SHT END

 

 

 

A/N: I AM officially BORED!! So I got this silly idea to write this story. So this will be a silly story and urrmmm, Ok, I WAS THAT BORED. So it will NOT be THAT great. Akhem, I know Kagome can cook but in this fic I wanted to make her CAN cook but not as editable as she USED to and well urmm, uhhhh she was thehehe she was kindahalftomboytoo (said quietly)

 

Kagome: Hey, I am NOT a tomboy.

 

Inuyasha: (Grunt from behind) but she sure act like one

 

Kagome: SIT! SIT! SIT! I AM not a tomboy and I CAN cook thank you very much

 

Inuyasha: (Curse)

 

Are-en1: Ok, that enough you two. This MY fic so I do whatever I want. Let me finish this. Urm, where was I? Oh yeah, Like I say, Kag's will be urm, how to say? OCC? Maybe.

 

 

Self Note

 

`Thinking'

 

“Talking”

 

(Flashback/ End Flashback/ Present Time)

 

 

If death was a solutions to all problem

Then I'm gladly to embrace it with both of my hands wide open

-Unknown-

 

 

Fingers twiddle with the drinking straw as he spins the straw in unease paten in the glasses. Rippling the dark coloring water in deferent unsure patent. His body posture shift every now and then and his eyes were wondering widely rooming the entire room, anywhere but stare directly at those brown eyes that held misery puzzle of emotion in it.

 

The food we order barely touch by either of us. It sits there, lay innocently at the table. And the drinks were hardly half empty even we've been here in the fancy restaurant almost 10 minutes. I hardly go to an elegant restaurant as such since I am very simple person. I would have been happy if he wanted to take me eat at the by stand shop. I would have told him how delicious the food was and I love the evening we might had.

 

Just like the old days.

 

I stop my mussing and look at his ember eyes once more to see that he was staring at the group of people eating across of us, or the waiter and waitress that was serving the food. He would look everywhere in the restaurant but me, and I can't help but feel hurt by his action. He was avoiding me as he was avoiding my eyes. I look down at my drinks, I can see the ice had already melted and slowly small drops of water start forming at the outer glass. But that what not bother me. Haven't no, that's not the reason I didn't touch my favorite drinks nor the mouthwatering food that begging someone to eat it and keep it in stomach until the day it want to come out as wasted things.

 

No.

 

Is the way he acted, the way he try to shy away from my present that makes my stomach turn and my hunger to salvage the food disappeared.

 

Had I not known how serious the situation is, I would have devoured the foods in front of me without any haste.

 

“So, is true then” I spoke for the second time since we arrive here without look back up, well, the second because the first one should be me greeting him and asking how the day went by as soon as he emerge from that fancy door and sits in front of me. I had not realized how cold my voice was until the left my lips. But then again, I hardly feel anything by now. Not when I know the upcoming event.

 

Earlier he had called me saying he had something important to tell.

 

But I had got the feeling what it was before I steps into this place-

 

I stir my meal numbly,

 

-Before he even approach this sits. Before he can even took another breath to steady his racing heart courtesy from his running.

 

He took a deep breath and let it out as he called my name, “Kagome…”. His voice cut my musing and my head shoot upward by reflex and met him. He looks at me, straight into my eyes that I keep guard of my emotion. I won't revile any of them to him. I won't make him see what he done to me with such simple, truthful but hurtful statement. So I look back down at the untouched plates instated.

 

Called it a guess. Called it a women instinct. Whatever you called it I knew what about to happen. I've dream for what about to happen. And I dread the day I have to face it when it will happen.

 

“Kagome… I… I…” His pain voice manages to bring me from my attention to his; I strain my ears to his voice without look up. No. I need to control the warm feeling the already gather at the corner of my eyelids. I won't let them fall.

 

`Only I was now as prepare as I think I am.'

 

I winch a little at that though. Closing my eyes and took a depth breath. I held my head up high and pride straight into his ember eyes that gaze painly at mine. And my breath hitches. My courage weaver and I feel doubt that I would keep this cool and calm mask any longer.

 

“I hope you understand” He finishes lamely.

 

I look at his appearance. He had change so much that I wonder, was this really him? The men I knew back then? His silver hair that he decided to tie in low ponytail style sways a little as his shift under my supervision. The way he dress formally with black jacket complete his dressing makes my heart proud what he had achieve today. But what makes my heart clutch more is the way his handsome face frown when he get barely a words from me, he was waiting for my reaction to his question, to his action. And is kinda surprise that he did not demand it from me now, instated he sits in his place and waited patiently for my answer for I know that he was not the patient type. In fact he is very impatient man. And by the way he keeps shifting unease letting me know that he was still waiting for my answer and my approval of his action.

 

An approval that I have no choice but to agree and fallow.

 

I look at him, straight into his golden eyes. I can see the turmoil that running inside the depth of it. Didn't they say the eyes are the window to one soul? And by what I saw in it, all I can see the ember eyes keep avoiding my gaze again. Was he in guilt?

 

His body posture stiff and I can see small sweet forming from his forehead. Waiting for my approval of what he was about to do. And my eyes soften; I bowed my head and let my long raven locks cover my face, blocking my view and my sting eyes from on lookers,

 

From him.

 

Not that they will notice us, not he will notice the emotion playing in me.

 

And further advantage, we were sitting at the solute corner of the room. Beside, people were too busy to snoop around at our conversation as they gather to celebrate the up coming event.

 

And once again my hand flew up to my chest, noticing how hard it beats fast into my ribs cage that suddenly it feels like my ribcage were shrinking and my heart was too big to be hold in that small cage. Like my heart want to burse from it and free and do a little dancing in the table. To be free and leave nothing inside of me except the empty hollow feelings.

 

Or was it just my feeling to this entire ordeal?

 

I shake my head, what was this feeling? What is this pain strict feeling that I feel now?

 

`Is the pain of broken heart. A pain of unrequited love' Something depth whisper back to me.

 

And I was stunt by that statement.

 

Was I in love with him? Secretly I glance at his handsome face and couldn't help but to let my mind wonder. Did I really love him?

 

My heart whispers yes.

 

But my brain denied it. How could I, THE Kagome, that had sworn to never let anything cross my life that will be MY downfall, let this slip up?

 

How could I, love someone who not only brash but loud mouth? How could I fall in love with someone who I know will be ungrateful and will never feel the same as I hope he will be?

 

Simply, because I am.

 

Because I already have fall deeply madly in love with the jerk I called daily by deep down what I really want to call him is my love. Or other endearment names that I heard, I read.

 

I knew I love him. I love him because the men he is.

 

Not the Inuyasha Takashiro, the now rich businessmen that monopoly the business world and in front cover daily paper and magazine. Not Inuyasha Takashiro that girl wanted to get into his pant for his money and looks.

 

No.

 

Because he was just simply Inuyasha. Inuyasha Takashiro that she had known for whole life, the men with colorful language when he was mad, the men that have short tamper but kind heart that he hide from the world and only little have seen it themselves. The men that cry his heart out when his mother pass away and no one was there for him but her. The men that force to be strong at the young age simply because his father was not there for feed him much less care for his wealth being. The men that work hard, falls down many time but was not give up because hated people sympathies with him and look what he had archive today.

 

The determination and strong will what draw her to him in the first place. What makes her want to share all his burden and lift it in hopes that makes him share his smiles with her.

 

She glance at him with sad eyes, `And now, he had become someone that I have not recognize yet he still the same' I though sadly.

 

And I wonder when this is all begun? When I start helplessly fall in love with a man, a man I have considered as best friend all this years?

 

<<FLASHBACK>>

 

"Hey Kagome"

 

"Hey Inuyasha. What ups? If you looking for Souta again he was not here" She pulls her front caps to her back. Let them say she was never lady like, she is a tomboy, she will deft her ears to those words and used by now. She will rise her head up height at their words, she will be proud for what she is, what she were because this is who she is. She like being her. Just the carefree girl, just a normal ordinary girl.

 

Just Kagome.

 

"Nah, I was not looking for him. I was looking for exam charm" He strain his neck and look shyly at the end of the temple, "So ur, Kikyo here too?"

 

Kagome rise and eyebrow, Inuyasha was defiantly one of I-love-Kikyo fans. She sighs, "Why don't you talk to her instated fidgeting like an idiot?" She teased.

 

He scoff and added a little feh to that comment, then his face burn with nice color of red while his movement froze in ground, he look straight behind her like looking something so sanctuary that he can't take his eyes off.

 

Which Kagome found that very interesting so she look back to see Kikyo eyeing at them strangely.

 

Then Kikyo smiles to them.

 

She hurriedly look back to Inuyasha, just to find that his face burn redder than normal and its look like he was heaving a fever.

 

"I-I-I hatta g-go n-now. See ya latter Kagome" He shutter then hurriedly run downstairs of the Shinerei.

 

"Why Inuyasha doing here Kagome?"

 

"Epp!!" She jumps an inch high, surprise that Kikyo move so quickly that now she was behind her. "Kikyo, don't scare me like that" She put a hand at her heart to emphasize it.

 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you" Kikyo chuckle

 

Kagome smiles, "Is ok, Inuyasha being stupid again. He forgot his exam 'Charmed'-” She empathies the words charmed. “-again. When he knows that people coming from to get them at lease a week before exam and that makes the charmed limited to visitors" She shake her head. Leave it to Inuyasha who likes to do last minutes work.

 

"Oh, is he? Well, now you mention it, grandpa seems happy that the all the charmed has been sell this morning. But-" She searches through her pocket for something, "But I have extra. Why not you take it to him Kagome?"

 

Kagome snort, "If he wants he can take it from here or you. I'm not his delivery guy" She watches her watch, "Oh Shit! I'm late to meat Sango"

 

"Kagome, no cursing in the ground" A middle age women voice shout from afar. Her voice was warm and friendly.

 

"Yes mother" She smiles. Adjusting the bag properly in her shoulder and her shirt. She was ready to take off.

 

"Hng, that what you get when you did not teach your daughter the proper way of being a lady" Said another middle age women voice. "Like my Kikyo there"

 

"Hng, and is batter than be a snobby people" Kagome murmured under whispers.

 

Kikyo chuckle lightly, hearing what Kagome said.

 

"And don't tell Aunt Kagura I told you that or else she will roast me for dinner tonight"

 

"I hardly found that you editable to eat. But fair enough" Kikyo laugh a little, "Beside Kagome, you got to learn how to be lady sooner or latter"

 

Kagome snort, "As IF! Feh, I got to go. Bye Kikyo, Bye Mom. Bye Untie (Whispers) brat. Bye everyone"

 

"See I told you that she was no good-"

 

But that voice was too far already from her hearing side to hear what she said the rest. And she was happy to keep it that way.

 

<<END FLASHBACK>>

 

 

<<PRESENT>>

 

 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean too… end it this way" He trail off, waiting for my reaction.

 

“Ended it?” I whisper brokenly. The way he says it, the way he mention it. “Ended what Inuyasha?” makes my heart throb painfully in this small ribcage, “What you mean ended `it'?” and I wonder WHAT the thing he wanted to ended it to begin with.

 

Our Friendship?

 

<FLASH BACK>

 

"Hey Kagome"

 

"Hey Inuyasha" Kagome smiles and turns

 

"Hey can I asked you a-a-a-a-" He suddenly splutter and blushing madly.

 

She found it strange that Inuyasha sputter in front of her; `He only does that when-' she turns around and saw Kikyo was behind her, AGAIN. "Hey Kik, was up?"

 

"My mom wants you to help her in the kitchen" Kikyo smiles, "Hey Inuyasha"

 

"Hey Ki-Kikyo"

 

Kagome smiles teasingly, she can see how nervous he was. And a wicked idea to tease Inuyasha in several different way in front of Kikyo foam in her head. Oh the temptation.

 

"How's your mother? I heard she is sick" Kikyo voice out worriedly and plus manage to cut out her musing from the devious plan she had...

 

"Yeah" He shifts uneasily, "I came here to take some get well charm, and hopefully she will get batter. She already takes the medicine but not improving much. So I think I add charmed too, hopefully she will heal faster. Is nothing much but at lease is something"

 

Kikyo smiles, "Come, I'll help you chose"

 

Inuyasha brighten, "Really? Thanks" and there were sigh of relief from his breathing. Shooting Kagome a nervous look as he caught her evil devious like `I was planning something, something horrible so you batter caught out'

 

Kikyo shift her gaze to Kagome and frown, “Kagome...” Kikyo warned in soft tone. Knowing what Kagome look was up to something no good.

 

Kagome pout, well, there's goes the fun. It's not fun anymore when Kikyo was backing Inuyasha. Oh well, he seems pretty serious and worry, she will just have to take her plot… latter, "Ok, alright I got it. Why not I take my cue to leave while you too be love dovey do whatever you want-"

 

"Kikyo didn't I tell you to call Kagome, where is she?"

 

All three of us turn to look Kagura approaching.

 

"There you are Kagome, your mother-" Then she stops, she look at Inuyasha with a glance and her face change into something disgusts, "What is HE doing here?"

 

"Mom, Inuyasha wants to take some omen for his mother. Isn't he nice?"

 

Kagome watch as Inuyasha did not even flinch or do anything at that phase. In fact he looks tense.

 

"Hmmm, just give him the omen for free. A poor boy like him must don't have much money to even buy one. And we can't let him say out Shinerei charge him when he in need of the money to pay for her mother bills doesn't we?"

 

Inuyasha growl, "I don't need charity" and he turns to leaves the Shinerei.

 

Kagura gaps, "What a rude boy. And I was trying to help. Ungrateful brat. Come Kagome, Kikyo. I have things to teach before I leave"

 

Kagome look annoyed, "You know what I have promises with Sango today. We have to prepare a thick, I mean really thick proposal if we want to score A's. Didn't want the family to have bad names with D's wasn't we? Ops, look at the time, I have to go. Bye Aunty Bye Kikyo" With that she rushes from the Shinerei as fast as she could.

 

Leaving an agape Aunty behind, "That GIRL, if she keeps up like this she will never have a husband. Come Kikyo, you have lot's more to learn. Let's your cousin be a tomboy."

 

"Yes mother"

 

Meanwhile she was running as fast she can, 'Man, if he can just walking this fast why didn't he take the track teams. He sure to win' She mussed, she almost loss his tract, Keywords: Almost, "Hey Inuyasha!" She yelled happily.

 

He turn and his grunt, "Yeah? What do you want?"

 

Kagome look at him annoyed, "Come on, don't say you take Kagura words to heart. You know she is famous to have a bad mouth"

 

"But I am poor remember? She was not wrong either" Inuyasha sulking, he kicks the nearby innocent rock. It hit the wall and repealed to the road.

 

"Idiot"

 

He turns and grabs Kagome front shirt and pull it up so he was face to face with her, "Will you quiet it. I don't need to listen to your lecture now"

 

She slaps his hand but he did not move an inch, "Idiot, why do you care what she tells you anyway. Don't be stupid, you are not marrying Kagura for god's sakes. You are trying too wooing Kikyo. So why takes Kagura words to heart anyway? Don't tell me you want to marry HER"

 

"Eweed, keep that tough alone. It alone was enough to gives me nightmare" Inuyasha shivers, holding himself closer thus letting Kagome go.

 

Kagome giggles, at lease he didn't look too depress as she had though, "Come on, I buy you some ice cream"

 

Inuyasha look at her as though she is crazy.

 

"I even let you pick your toping, with sprinkles and nut's and big fluffy white whips"

 

"Alright, alright. You got me there" He grumbles with something like women and the way of persuasion and evil ice cream that enter the world.

 

Kagome giggles, Inuyasha weakness is having sweet tooth. Ice cream was his favorite.

 

"But you buy it" Inuyasha grumble, "And you know I hate you when you do that"

 

"Awed, I did not know you care" Kagome mock and giggles.

 

Inuyasha just "Feh-ed" and turn to the nearby park, where there were close to ice cream store.

 

"Hey Yasha!" Kagome called

 

"Yeah what?" He said grunt fully

 

Kagome smiles and took something from her pocket and toss to him, "Here"

 

He catches it out of reflex and blinks, once, twice as he stares at the item now in his hand, "What this?"

 

"The healing amulet silly, isn't that's why you came today? To get it from the Shinerei?"

 

"How did you know?"

 

She shrug, "Called it women instinct" She was not about to tell him that she had heard about her mother conditions and she was on the way to his house today when he show up, "Come on, last one get's there is a frying nut's" So, she run as fast as she can to the nearest store. While laughing like maniac.

 

"WHA- Hey, that's cheating" Inuyasha gapping for a while before he too start running

 

<<END FLASHBACK>>

 

<<PRESENT>>

 

The love?

 

“Kagome I-I want to end-”

 

My love?

 

"-Our relationship. Please forgive me Kag's, but we can't keep up the relationship. I-I need to break up with you"

 

There, simple and straight to the point. Now why can't she be simple and say, "Ok, we go on our road from now on. Oh but we can still be friend yes?"

 

But no, she feels like times stop and her heart squish it way to her lung, stopping the air she breathe. She can feel a headache coming but what she dreads more is when she knew this was their ending.

 

"Why?" Stupid question, but I need to know, well, I already know but she wanted him to confess. To hear it from his mouth. To know why, why can't we go on like we used to be? Why…

 

`Why can't I replace her?'

 

<<FLASHBACK>>

 

RING RING

 

"Inuyasha, could you pick the phone? I'm kinda busy here" Kagome pick another ingredient and watch the recipe. This time slowly cut the tomato, she got two cuts already because she was being careless, but she really wants to surprise Inuyasha that she can cook editable food if she wants to. Well, not editable but at lease it was not worse. She smiles, Inuyasha will be surprise at her improvement on cooking. She did not take the cooking class 3 days a week 4 hour per class for nothing. Her smiles grew wider. And all this time Inuyasha complain ramen was batter than her cooking. She shows him HAH!

 

Inuyasha grunt, “Yeah, yeah” his footsteps could be heard as he walk down from the steps before the phone being pick up and thus ended the annoying ringing, "Hello-"

 

She hummed gentlely the song she used to hear her mother singing and glances at Inuyasha from the corner of her eyes, he was standing at the wall that hangs the phone, just beside the kitchen room and the wall did hide his face but not his body. She frowns when she saw that his body froze and he was talking rather softly than usual. That got her curious as she strain to hear what he said.

 

"Hold on, no" There silence, "Really, is not trouble. Where you now?" Silence, "Ok, I'll be there" He turns and their eyes match.

 

Guilty ember met confuse brown eyes, "Who's that Inuyasha?"

 

He stiffens, "No one. Look Kagome I'm going out tonight and I will not eat. Don't wait for me k?" With that he grabs the Ferrari car key that he own 2 years ago that hang by the wall by the key holder beside the front door and left the house.

 

Kagome walk quickly to her front window, a sudden dread rise in the corner of her heart yet she dismiss it. She watch with solemn eyes as the car reverse back then drove forward and disappeared in one of the corner, gone from her vision.

 

She wonders why her heart was pounding rather strongly almost painfully the way she watch Inuyasha left. Her heart never pounding this strongly when he lives. Yet deep, deep in her heart she knew something was wrong. Is like there were clam before storm...

 

'Was that because Inuyasha can't have dinner with me today?'

 

She looks at the half meal she already made at the isle in the kitchen...

 

'Or was it because the mystery phone calls?'

 

She took the almost cooked roasted potato that was hard to prepare with another hand she held the yellow spaghetti just waiting for the seasoning and its sauce to be pour at the top of it. Her eyes glance at half prepares sauce that she had made, and the white dough supposes to be for her cookie. A chocolate cookie that Inuyasha like so much other than Ramen. And without she knew, her eyes moist and her shoulder slump. She walks like zombie to the kitchen, look at the garbage bin and trough all the containers in it.

 

Suddenly her appetite was gone.

 

 

<<NEXT DAY>>

 

 

"You did not tell me that you in town. I was worry" She touches her hands. She can see how sad she was now

 

The women try to control her emotion into small sobs, "I-I'm he, he leaves me for that whore. I-I did everything for him. I-I can't understand why he did it. I never-"

 

"Oh Kikyo. I'm sorry" Then something bother her, "How you came here yesterday? Was nobody taken you from the air port?"

 

Kikyo looked at her confuse, "I call Inuyasha to pick me up" She look at me with gullible eyes, "Did he didn't tell you that?"

 

And I feel like someone was eating and chewing my heart but then they did not swallow it, instated they spit each pieces of heart to my feet, "No, he did" Forcing the smiles I was known for, I pushing away the worse feeling that start to arouse. About the way Inuyasha behave yesterday and my hunch who the mysterious caller is. "I miss slip it in my mind. So many things happened yesterday" And it did not take genius to know to put two and two together.

 

Kikyo wipes her tears; totally miss the way my body stiffens.

 

"So, where you staying?" I asked, breaking the tension and push away, with all my heart about my fear that starts to rise.

 

Kikyo look at her, "At the Marven's Hotel. Inuyasha say it's his friend's hotel and asked me to stay as long as I want. Oh Kag's, it was horrible. I got kick on my own house. Inuyasha also had appointed one of his lawyer friends to help me in it and tell me that I had hope in my case. It's like he can handle everything and makes me feel save knowing he was there"

 

I nodded dumb fully, gulping the lump that form in the trout “He is, isn't he?”

 

Kikyo wipes her tears, "You were lucky to have a man like him by your side. At lease he treats you right. Not like my non good husband”

 

I smiles forcefully, “Yes… I guess I am-” and look at the way Kikyo dress and her face free make up. I can see why Inuyasha insisted to be there for her, she was beautiful even without even the makeup and feel plan beside her. The jealous rising but I stomp the feelings inside and look at both of my hand instated, whispers softly to myself, “-lucky”

 

I suppose I should be happy that Inuyasha did not leave me just like Kikyo husband did. Or try to take my money when he just builds his carrier. Or take advantage now that he was rich and sleep with other women. Inuyasha did treat me right. As right as he can be. And will make any women happy to have him at side. To know that he can handle everything and anything. To know that he can makes you save and content. She was happy.

 

But then, why did her eyes so heavy and her lids begin to fill with hot moist just waiting it's time before falling from her lashes?

 

<<END FLASHBACK>>

 

<<PRESENT>>

 

But then, Kikyo divorce with her husband after 6 year marries and won the house but still in Uncertainty Bridge about her life. She been introduce in a company by Inuyasha and still try to stable her life back then so s always goes to Inuyasha for support and advice. She can understand that. Kikyo need a shoulder to cry and lean on just like Inuyasha was when he was but a nobody.

 

She never thinks of anything to it. She understands he still have the small feelings for her and understand that he treat her as needed friend. Heck, Inuyasha did not go anywhere out with me anymore unless they bring Kikyo. Saying that Kikyo need as much support as she can. Hoping that Kikyo will let go of her past and look for the future.

 

And she guesses that was her mistakes. She should have seen the way he looks longingly at Kikyo when they were going out together from the corner of her eyes. She should have seen his eyes show more than compassionated to her cousin. She should have felt the way he hesitates to hold her hand in Kikyo present. Should have read all the warning sign. Now she was paying for her mistake, mistake of thinking that he was over her. Mistake of not taking advantage the first time she got him.

 

`As they say, first loves are hard to forget'. She mocked the words she once heard inside her head. Yeah, first loves are hard to forget yet can she really blame him for turn back to his first love? No, she can't. Because he was her first love, and maybe one day, she would do the same. But then why it's hurt so much?

 

Instated of answering her, he looks at the plate in front of him.

 

She study his future, he already change so much, from no one to someone. All this for `her'. And she had though all this time he will forget about `her', forget about the pain he receive when he was no one.

 

But her guesses wrong, "I understand" Of course she understands. She had always had. Isn't she always there for him? How can she not understand what he feels? She was experiencing it now. She feels the way love was unrequited. Knows that if the one she love returns her love it would be a wonderful thing in the world. To be needed and loved. Like she can give the whole world if only he stay by her side.

 

Alas, no one can have a happy ending. Not everyone will get what they wanted. In one suppose to archive happiness others must trade place to suffer. It's the balance of life. Just like life there also dead. And she had hope, his would not be the same as faith as her.

 

Unrequited love.

 

"I'm sorry" He whispers.

 

She shake her head, she didn't want to hear the excuses, didn't want to hear to his lie his feeling for her sake. Didn't want his comfort just to say he whish she met someone else and be happy for her life. No, not now. Not when the pain still fresh. The wounds still bleed.

 

What more can she say? He made the decision. Up until now, she always believes that she can replace her, but now.

 

She chuckle, then end out laughing… hard.

 

He raises his eyes to her and looks at her strangely.

 

He must think she was crazy now, yes, so crazy about him that she willing to wait for five years and even he never once spoke he loves her but she still stood by his side trough thick and thin. She still hopes and dream one he was going to say those three words to her. Return back to her and admit his love and in return they can build a home together. She had always hopes….

 

But she shakes her head, who she wanted to lie to? `Yourself' her inner voice whispers. Yes, she was lying to herself. How could she miss the he looks at her, half dreaming. They way he keeps his distance with her but at the same time chew anyone that dare close to her. Or the way he slips her name to someone else. Yet she denied it, she denied it all this times because she had hope, a glimpse small hope that she will replace HER in his heart, mind and eyes. Being someone to support him when he falls down in his feet in this life. The one that will be beside him when he need a shoulder to cry on from yesterday until the day they old together.

 

Not her, never her.

 

But Kikyo.

 

She must really crazy if she though she can be with him, to be just HERSELF in his eyes. Because it's not once he slips Kikyo name instated of her. And it's hurt. It's hurt so much to be nobody but a replacement for him all these years.

 

She close her eyes and hide it behind one of her palm, and she laugh not loud but just cracking with hysterical laughter, "You forgot thehhehe that we never an item ahahhaha. You not seriously think that I've fallen in love with you all this years do you?” She laugh and used her other free hand to point at him with shaking finger, “You should see your face it was-it was hehehhe...hehehe" She remover her palm and open her crystallize brown eyes and look at his eyes. His amber eyes that had drop when their eyes met, seeing straight to her soul. Her lies. Her laughter cease when she sense that he did not laugh with her, no, in fact he was staring her with his sympathy in the depth of his eyes.

 

Yes, truly eyes were window to one soul.

 

Did he see it? Did he see her love for him all those years now? Did he see in her eyes the crumbling hopes and loss of dreams she was dreaming all those years? She closes her eyes again. No, he can never know. She did not want him to know.

 

Because she love him too much for let her being selfish.

 

Exhaled depth breath, I try to regain control to my emotion within. No, he wills not know how much it's hurt me to let him go, "Go" I whispers again. Taking my purse and start standing up and ready to leave. What more can I do when his heart did not belong to me from begin with?

 

"I'm sorry" He said again, waiting for my reaction.

 

I bit my lower lips hard to stop my body from trembling. The pains help control my emotions in check. "Go" I whisper, "Go and find her. You both belong together." My voice crack to my hearing, but her heart being shatter by each word I utter before I turn and walk proudly from our table.

 

I made the decision, now to act on it was the hardest. I was letting him go, for his happiness.

 

"I'm sorry" He called again softly.

 

I shake my head and said without turning back, “I know”. My voice almost crack but I can't face him now, not now. Not when the tears threaten to come. And I walk with head height to the door. A boy open the door for her and flashing me with his small happy smiles and bow. I did not great back like I used to, did not even look back as I let my feet walk on its own. Willing the pain in my heart to reduce the aching pain.

 

Time...

 

Time will heal the pain, but for now

 

From the background, I can heart as the television broadcast about how the gloomy weather did not stop people from gathering at the square as they begin their final countdown,

 

No, I can't stop him. Not when his eyes were shinning with guild and hope. Hope for something he wanted so long ago and be denied.

 

Ironically, this was supposed to be our 5th anniversary, IF they have in any relationship at all.

 

Shaking my head to left and right. I stomp the hopeful feeling that arise. No. I was not known as selfish person. I was willing to let him go.

 

10

 

Didn't they say, if we love someone, we must willing to let them go? And if they come back, it's were truly ours.

 

9

 

But I had these feelings that he will not return.

 

7

 

Return my feelings. Return to… me. Forever.

 

6

 

But that ok, that alright. As long as he is happy.

 

5

 

I will try to find my happiness elsewhere.

 

4

 

A drop of glistering tears finally drop from my eyelids trailing slowly from my high cheek to my jaw and falls to the prevent ground.

 

My feet stops suddenly and my hand rose automatically and wipe the wet sustain. I look at it with awed, like it was a foreign thing to look at. How long had I've sheared a tear for someone? Did this tears was for me?

 

I wipe them angrily but I can't stop them as more tears start to falls from both lush eyelids. I bite my bottom lips; distract her from the emotion pain to her physic pain

 

3

 

I will not cry. I had to be strong, I will move on....

 

`I can do this, Kagome are strong. The higurashi lines are strong ne?' She whispers in her mind.

 

“You must be strong Kagome. The world will move. The life will pass. The pain will go. There's no need to be sad. No tears are worthy to shear. No matter how hard we fall, no matter what bruise in the end we will receive. Always remember that we will stand up again”

 

Mother comforting words drift too my ears. The words that I keep deep in my heart echo in my brain like a mantra.

 

`Yes mama, I will be strong….'

 

Another tears drop from my lids.

 

2

 

`Tomorrow.' My shoulder shakes as I try to press my choking sobs. `But for now-

 

1

 

-for today…'

 

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Oh My God's look at the crowd at the square. You got to be here to even the weather was not agree with us today and my look. The height peak of tonight event" The host of television echoes through all the television display in the street. Colorful fireworks cracking now and then, celebrating the new coming of New Year.

 

But she didn't hear a thing, she didn't hear the bangs and triumph music in the background. Nor she heard anything in her surrounding her beside her quiet sobs.

 

`Just for today, let me cry my pain. Let me mourn for my unfulfilled loves and dreams.'

 

And at that time, the sky open it split and rain falls to the earth.

 

Almost like the nature also weep for her losses. The nature understands and shares her pain.

 

She wipes the tears that falls down and cross the street. She needed to get away, away from here, away from the pain and her misery.

 

'I wonder if I can tell him, no, if I had only told him about my feeling for all this times....

 

SCREECTH

 

She looks to her right hearing the scratching tire sound, eyes widen when she saw the yellow light getting brighter and nearer…. With height speed towards her.

 

Her body frozen to the spot refuses to move……. Her brain system shut down that moment.

 

“WATCH OUT!!!”

 

BAM

 

She had feel the hard metal hit her body, feel her body jerk and left the earth as she flying backwards her head turn to the skies and saw only the black cloud and rain keep falling. But surprisingly she did not feel any pain, and she wonder why.

 

….. Will things be different?'

 

Then all she saw was never ending darkness....

 

 

 

Are-en1: ………..

 

IN (My Innocent Muse): What was that?

 

Are-en1: What was what? (Stare dumb fully)

 

IN: O_O

 

Are-en1: WHAT???

 

HN (My Hentai muse): You let her die that what she wanna say (polishing nails)

 

Are-en1: Oh... is that bad? (Look dumb fully)

 

I.N&H.N: Yup, she loss it. Too much pressure being an writer (Drag the confuse Author)

 

Are-en: Nooooooooooooooo!!! (Struggle) Leave me in my misery. NNOooooooooooo!!! Buy the way please review and NO flames (They still dragging her) Noooooooooo SOMEBODY ssaaaaaveeeeeeee ME!!!

 

A/N: Yeah, stupid story I know and I admit it. But I had these itchy feelings that I really really need to write it down. Don't know why oh well. -Sulking- Maybe I will post SOMETHING that have what you call urm, something that worthy to read? Oh well, I like to waste your time reading this I don't know ridicules fic that have no point? Oh well, time to start new fic. Well, hope is batter than this junk -sulking-

 

 

Last post: 20 January 2006