InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Once Upon a Snowstorm ❯ Chapter Eight ( Chapter 8 )

Quickening: X____X *lies spread-eagle on the ground, twitching sporadically*

Deedlit: Uh. What's the matter with her?

Desiree: Oh, nothing. She just paid this month's electric bill.

Deedlit: That bad, huh?

Desiree: Her checkbook just threatened to commit suicide.

Deedlit: Oh.

………

Deedlit: Um…can a checkbook actually DO that?

Desiree: ……Are you SURE we're related? -_-;

Chapter Eight

She came upon them much more quickly than she'd expected, and with more noise heralding her arrival than she'd hoped for. Then again, it was very hard to walk in crisply-packed snow without making some noise; Inuyasha had probably heard her coming practically before she'd even left.

The miko and the hanyou stood silently facing each other in the center of a small clearing, with bright moonlight bathing them and everything around them in a silver, otherworldly glow. It shimmered off of Inuyasha's silver-white hair, wreathing him in a halo of light, and paled Kikyou's sad, serious features into something as ethereal and lovely as one might find on a faerie, or perhaps a goddess. Her ebony hair glowed with shadowed radiance, wrapping her in a halo of her own, and all around them the untouched snow glittered like crushed diamonds. Kagome was struck by how beautiful they both looked standing there, with the world silent and watchful all around them, as if they did not belong in such a world but rather had ascended to it from a higher plane, and once they took their leave of it, the magical beauty would fade with their passing.

She suddenly felt like an intruder, horribly gangly and uncouth and mortal, and wondered just what had possessed her to come looking for him when she clearly did not belong in such a place, and whether or not it was too late to escape again. But by then they'd already sensed her presence, and Inuyasha's ears twitched back toward her as her foot cracked a stick buried beneath the white blanket, and Kikyou's sad, dark eyes turned to find hers in the shadows. Kagome shivered beneath that serious gaze, feeling again how inadequate she was, just a copy placed side-by-side with the original. It was no wonder that Inuyasha always ran to her. It was no wonder he was willing to be dragged into hell with her.

Inuyasha turned his head, and now his gleaming eyes sought Kagome's, but she dropped her gaze from his as soon as they met, uncertain how she could face him now. Why had she sought him out in the first place, she wondered uncertainly. The reason seemed to have slipped from her mind. He was probably annoyed with her, for interrupting them yet again, and wanted her to leave. So without a single word she backed away a few steps and turned to walk away from the faerie land into which she'd inadvertently stumbled.

"Kagome…" Inuyasha was startled at the girl's appearance; he'd vaguely heard something moving toward them, and had assumed it was just a local animal, being as fixated on Kikyou as he was. The air was so still that he'd not even picked up on her scent until she was upon them. But he was even more surprised when she merely walked away again, leaving him alone with Kikyou without a single warning. That disturbed him a bit, as had the expression he'd seen on her face before she'd turned away from him. Something was obviously wrong with her; she never left him alone with Kikyou if she could help it, always hovering nearby in case the miko decided to pull any of her little tricks. And that look in her eyes was niggling at him, filling him with guilt. He couldn't quite place it, but he knew he didn't like it, because it was unfamiliar and completely un-Kagome-like, and he knew that he'd been the one to put it there, him and Kikyou.

Without another thought, he started after her, determined to find out just what the problem was-Why the hell is she walkin' around in the forest in the middle of the night, anyway?! What is she, stupid?! he ranted to himself-but Kikyou's soft voice stilled him in his tracks.

"You would go to her again, Inuyasha?"

There was neither condemnation nor accusation in her tone. In fact, there wasn't much of anything in her tone. There never was anymore, he realized sadly. It was as though her emotions were all…dead. Just like her body.

"She obviously came looking for me, and something's wrong with her. I gotta make sure she makes it back to the village okay," he replied softly, regarding Kikyou carefully for any sign of possible attack. He could not forget the miko and what they had shared together those fifty years ago, but neither was he foolish enough to fully trust her as she was now, what with all the times she'd already attempted to kill him, and usually over her reincarnate. He owed her his life, yes, but that didn't mean she had the say in when he would give it up to her.

"It seems that you are not as yet able to choose between the two of us," Kikyou was telling him steadily. "I can clearly see that you care deeply for my incarnate, and yet you have already pledged your life to me. Does your word hold so little value then?"

"No!" he insisted, ignoring the flush of guilt in his heart. "I gave you my word that I'll protect you, and I'll give you my life if it'll bring you peace. I intend to honor it, but now isn't the time. The quest isn't complete. I haven't destroyed Naraku and avenged you. Only then will we both be at peace, when that monster is nothing but dust under my heels."

"And when that time comes, what will you do?" Kikyou questioned him quietly. "Will you then come to hell with me as you promised, as that girl looks on. Will you allow her to interfere? She shall do so; you know it as well as I. You know that the child loves you. She cannot help herself. She is me, after all."

Inuyasha looked away, shifting uncomfortably. He didn't know any such thing, but hearing Kikyou say those words sent a strange feeling through him. Something like a cross between joy and despair, and as confused over his own emotions as he already was, he didn't even begin to try to sort the two out. Instead, he chose to focus on the one thing of which he was certain. "When the quest is over Kagome'll go home where she belongs," he muttered. "She'll be safe, then, and can live her life the way she's supposed to. She'll be with her family and friends, and her…'skewl' thing…and it won't matter then what I do, 'cause she won't be here to see it." And that knowledge pained him more than he cared to admit. "All I gotta do is protect her so she gets through this alive, that's all I care about."

Kikyou did not deign to respond. There was a breath of wind, the faint whisper of ghostly scales, and when Inuyasha looked up again, the miko was already high in the air, borne away by her Shinidama-chuu, as silent as the lost spirit that she was.

~~~{~@ ~~~{~@ ~~~{~@

Kagome wandered back the way she'd come, shivering as the frigid air began to seep through her clothes and chill her flesh. Finding her way back was harder than she'd thought. To get there she'd merely followed the Shinidama-chuu. To get back, she had to follow the footprints she'd left in the snow, but it was so dark that she had to strain her eyes to pick them out from the many other tracks left behind by deer and rabbits and other various forest critters, and she was beginning to get tired.

Something cracked behind her, causing her to yelp and nearly leap out of her own skin, and when a dark shape with glowing eyes suddenly dropped out of a tree to land in a crouch directly before her, she discovered firsthand what heart attack victims must go through.

"Hmmm. If I'd been a hungry youkai, you'd be dead," Inuyasha snorted, rising to his feet and brushing the snow off his clothes, as Kagome lay on the path in front of him and attempted to remember how to breathe.

"Inuyasha!" she yelled furiously when she finally regained her voice. "You…you…OSUWARI!"

Inuyasha went down like a felled tree, but fortunately for his face, the snow cushioned most of the impact. He muttered curses just for the hell of it, then sat up and shook himself off once the spell released him, spraying Kagome with snow in the process. "What're you doin' out here?" he groused.

Kagome blinked, then looked at the ground, shamefaced. "I…uh…was looking for you," she admitted quietly. Then, eyes widening earnestly, she added, "But not 'cause I saw the Shinidama-chuu! I was looking for you before that 'cause I wanted to talk to you and then I saw them and I just figured that…well…you probably were with K-Kikyou and…um…"

"Okay, okay, I believe you," he assured her, a bit bemused at her odd behavior. "Well, you found me. Whaddaya want to talk to me about?"

Kagome squirmed, having once again remembered just why she'd sought him out. Thinking that she was going to admit everything to him, and then actually doing so, were two different things, however. And it wasn't as easy as she'd hoped it would be. "Um…see…I wanted to explain about…um…yesterday," she began hesitantly. "Or…eh…actually the night before…"

His expression darkened slightly. "You mean when that perverted bouzu stole a kiss from you?" he growled.

"Um…yeah…but…there's something….see, it wasn't exactly…" She broke off, pursing her lips and thinking hard. "First things first," she muttered. "Promise me you'll hear me out before you go on a bloody rampage, okay?"

His eyes narrowed suspiciously. "And why would I wanna do that?" he asked snidely. "Obviously, it's something pretty bad here…"

"Well…not bad, bad (actually, it was pretty good) but…gaah! I mean…yes, it was bad and it never should have happened and I'm not like that and…and…I'm sorry! I'm really, really, really sorry and I'll never do it again and will you forgive me? Please?" Kagome dropped to her knees in front of him and grabbed his haori, while Inuyasha in turn stared down at her through wide eyes, completely and utterly confused. And just slightly freaked out.

"Get a hold of yourself!" he snapped, shaking her roughly. "What're you talkin' about?!"

Kagome took a deep, steadying breath and closed her eyes, counting to three before she released it. "Th-the kiss Miroku…um…stole from me," she began hesitantly. "See…it…it wasn't just a kiss…"

There was a moment of complete and utter silence. But only for a moment.

"WHAAAAT?!" came the furious bellow. Actually, it came out as more of a roar. Inuyasha's eyes began glowing nearly red with fury as the full implications hit him, and with a feral growl he turned and took off through the trees, intent on finding and filleting one very dead monk.

Or, at least, he would have…had Kagome not tightened her death-grip on his clothes.

"You promised to hear me out!" she cried over the sounds of his snarls. "Stay still and listen or I'll sit you the whole way to China!"

He fixed his deadly glare on her, but subsided in his struggles. "I didn't promise any such thing, and I don't even know what China is!" he snapped. Then, pulling a sudden three-sixty, he turned to face her and gripped her shoulders tightly, staring desperately into her eyes. "What happened? Did he hurt you? Are you sure you're okay? I swear I'll rip off his balls and make him eat 'em for doing that to you! Why wasn't I there to protect you?!" This last question came out in almost a groan and she suddenly found herself being enfolded in strong, warm arms and pulled against an equally warm chest, feeling his breath gasping in her ear. It almost sounded like…he was trying…not to cry. "I-I'm sorry, Kagome. I'm…sorry…" he whispered into her ear.

His obvious concern and regret made her own eyes burn with unshed tears, wanting more than anything to take the comfort he offered. But she hadn't finished her story yet, and she knew that he'd be even less happy than he was right now when he learned the entire truth. So, gathering all her courage, she reluctantly placed her hands on his shoulders and gently pushed him away, gazing up into his overly-bright eyes. Her face crumpled as she saw the worry shining clear in the golden depths, but she pushed on. "Please…don't place all of the blame on Miroku," she told him, barely able to raise her voice above a whisper. "I-it's my fault, as well. I…I let it happen."

The worry slowly faded, changing to astonishment as her words sank in, and he looked down at her with an expression of confusion. "You…let it…" he began, frowning in disbelief.

She began to cry in earnest, causing him some moments of panic, and nodded slowly. "I didn't mean to let it go so far," she sniffled. "It was just…a…a joke, but…but then he kept pushing and I…I let him. I could have stopped him, I could have! And he would have stopped if I'd asked him. I…really believe that he would never have forced me. But when…I had the chance to tell him to back off I…I encouraged him to keep going."

"You…" he began in a choked voice, then stopped, unable to speak further.

"I didn't know what I was doing," she continued pitifully, futilely wiping her eyes. "Everything was so muddled and…and hazy and I'd never felt anything like that before and I just…I couldn't think. It was barely real to me and I just wanted more." She still did, in fact, but she couldn't admit that to him. She didn't understand what was wrong with her. One night of passion should not have changed her feelings so completely, but now, even as she was standing before Inuyasha, her mind kept wandering back to the cave, and Miroku, and the things he'd done to her. Was that what sex did to you, she wondered uneasily. Turned you into an addict? No wonder Miroku was such a pervert. She'd had no idea anything could feel so good. It really was like a drug. Or maybe it was just that Miroku was so good at what he did…

She gave herself a hard mental shake and drew in a deep breath, attempting to get herself under control. Good or not, it wasn't going to happen again. Because she loved Inuyasha, and it was with him that she should experience things like that. "I'm sorry, Inuyasha," she told him weakly. I'm sorry for betraying you, and I'm sorry for wanting to do it again…

Inuyasha didn't reply. Clearly, he was struggling to find words. His mouth kept opening, and then closing again, as he stared down at her with an unreadable expression on his face. "Wh-why didn't you…tell me all this before?" he finally questioned. "Why'd you lie to me?"

She cringed slightly. "Because I was afraid you'd hate me if you found out the truth," she whispered, staring at the snow at her feet. "More than anything, I don't want you to hate me. I don't want to lose your respect or your…" She broke off there; more than anything, she wanted to say love, but she doubted she'd ever held that in the first place. "Please say you forgive me, Inuyasha," she pleaded.

Unknown to her, his expression gentled slightly as he stared down at the top of her bowed head. "I got a question," he began carefully, "and I'd like an honest answer."

She nodded uncertainly, and he reached out a clawed hand to gently tilt her head until their eyes met. Her dark lashes were wet and heavy and sparkling with tears, her limpid eyes shining with moisture, making his breath catch. "Are you sorry what happened between you and Miroku happened," he asked softly, "or are you more sorry 'bout the fact I'd hate you 'cause of it?"

She blinked up at him, clearly startled. "I…" she began, then stopped, uncertain as to what she should say.

He frowned down at her and carefully wiped away the tears from her eyes. "I don't hate you, Kagome," he told her awkwardly. "You should know I can't hate you, but I-I'm kinda…" He cut himself off, not certain how to explain his feelings.

She sniffled again. "You're disappointed in me, aren't you?" she questioned timidly.

He cringed a little. "I just never expected you'd give in to the bouzu like that," he muttered uncomfortably.

"Well, it's not like I ever expected to, either," she replied sulkily. "But Miroku can be very…persuasive."

He grimaced. "Spare me the gory details," he snorted.

She pouted at him. "I did say I was sorry. Now you're supposed to say, 'It's okay, Kagome, anybody can make mistakes'."

"Keh," he sniffed, crossing his arms. Then, glancing down at her to catch the despondent look in her eyes, he hastily added, "I ain't…I ain't mad, okay? You just got me by surprise, is all. Besides, looks like you're beating yourself up over it enough for the both of us."

Kagome bit her lip. "But what if…what if this mistake made me…um…what if I got pregnant?" she asked uncomfortably. "We didn't use any kind of protection…"

Inuyasha turned to face her with a frown, then leaned forward to inhale deeply. She blinked at him as he crouched down and lowered his head to her abdomen, her face heating in a dark blush. "Wh-what're you doing?" she squeaked.

He ignored her, taking a few final sniffs, before standing up again and shrugging. "You still smell the same," he told her. "If you were gonna have a kid, your scent would've probably changed by now."

Her jaw dropped. "You can smell it on me?!" she yelped.

He shrugged. "Sure. Any half-assed youkai could. Even hanyou," he replied simply.

Kagome wasn't sure to be mortified or indignant, so she settled for mildly annoyed. "If you're wrong about this, I'll kill you," she muttered.

"Keh. Don't blame me for your dumb mistakes," he sniffed, then immediately wished he'd kept his mouth shut when her eyes began flashing, a clear indication that he as about to get his ass sat.

"Inuyasha…osuwari."

~~~{~@ ~~~{~@ ~~~{~@

When the spell wore off, Inuyasha calmly sat up and brushed off his clothes with as much dignity as he could muster. Then without a word, he turned and stalked off toward the village. Kagome followed him warily, more than a little confused at his uncharacteristic passiveness. Normally, he'd be throwing a fit and yelling his voice hoarse, or attempting to go after Miroku's head (and not necessarily the one sitting on his shoulders). The fact that he wasn't…well…it made her a little nervous. "So. You're really not mad?" she questioned suspiciously when she caught up to him.

"I said I wasn't, didn't I?" he snapped.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Why not?" she asked. She seemed almost disappointed.

"Whad'ya mean why not? Are you sayin' you want me to be?"

She huffed a sigh and kicked at the snow, her brow furrowing. "I just don't get it," she muttered. "Normally you rant and scream any time a guy comes within ten feet of me. Now I just lost my virginity to a renowned pervert and you don't seem to give a rat's ass about it."

"Of course I do!" he snapped, stopping in his tracks for a moment, before marching forward again. "I ain't happy that you went and rutted with that bouzu, but you said you didn't want me to kill him! Make up your mind!"

She sighed and rubbed her temples. "It's 'cause of Kikyou, isn't it?" she asked quietly.

Inuyasha sputtered. "Wh-what? Kikyou don't have anything to do with this…"

"You're probably feeling guilty that I caught you with her, so me admitting that I slept with Miroku is probably making you feel pretty relieved right now. 'Cause now I can't feel bad anymore when you sneak off to see her, because what I did was so much worse."

He blinked down at her, half mad and half stunned. "W-what do either of us got to feel guilty about?" he barked. "It ain't like we're mated or anything!"

She winced and looked away. "I know that…but…" She clenched her teeth and tried not to cry again. "You have to know how…how I feel about you, and how much it hurts me when you go to see…her. I feel like I'm always being compared to her, and I'll never be good enough in your eyes. And now that I'm not even…pure anymore, I guess I don't have any chance at all…" She took a deep breath. "I hadn't planned on losing my virginity so soon…but…I'd hoped that…you'd be the one I'd lose it to."

"D-don't say that!" He stared down at her through wide eyes, his cheeks burning.

"Why?" she muttered, kicking at the snow again. "The idea must disgust you pretty badly, huh?" Her smile was tight and bitter. "Don't worry. I probably couldn't seduce you if I tried. That's Miroku's expertise."

His hand on her shoulder stilled her, and she was turned to face him, looking up into his pained face. "I-it ain't that," he began awkwardly. "I just…I made a promise and…"

"I know. You made a lot of promises, Inuyasha. Probably more than you're able to keep," she replied, then immediately felt ashamed of herself when his ears flattened, his golden eyes filling with guilt. "I'm sorry," she mumbled, dropping her gaze. "I know you never promised me anything more than friendship, and I should learn to be grateful for even just that. It isn't your fault I fell in love with somebody who can't love me back."

"It isn't that," he repeated, his voice a low growl. Their eyes met again and held, hers filled with sad acceptance and his filled with regret and…longing? Slowly, as if in a trance, he drew her closer, his head lowering ever-so-slowly to her own, lidded eyes slipping closed as he sought the touch of her lips. But when he was close enough to feel the heat of them and her soft breath ghosting against his mouth, he felt the gentle pressure of her fingers to his lips, blocking him from the kiss. His eyes snapped open, regarding her with hurt and confusion.

"Why?" he murmured. "Isn't it what you wanted?"

She looked away, blushing softly, her eyes overly-bright and glassy as she nodded slowly. "But…Inuyasha…I…I don't know who you're kissing," she whispered.

He felt like she'd just punched him in the chest. Or right through the chest, to be more accurate. "Who I'm…?" He was confused, and slightly uneasy.

"Who were you just looking at? Who were you trying to kiss?" she asked shakily. "Was it me…or Kikyou? You've done that before. You were trying to kiss me…and you were looking at her."

His eyes widened more, and he opened his mouth to reply, only to find that his voice had stopped working. She smiled at him sadly. "You see? There's the whole problem," she continued. "Even if…something were to happen between us…as long as Kikyou still exists, I'll never know for sure who it is you're with. You can't distinguish between the two of us. To you…we're the same person. But we're not. I'm not."

He hated it when she got all logical on him like that, especially because he knew she was right. But his pride would not let him admit it. "Is that why you went to Miroku?" he growled spitefully.

"Is that…what? You…I told you that was an accident!" she snapped, glaring at him. "It wasn't supposed to happen." Then, shaking her head slightly, she continued, "But I will admit that when I was with him I felt…I felt cherished. Like I was important to him."

"He was seducing you, idiot! Of course he made you feel that way!" Inuyasha snapped.

She clenched her hands. "Maybe so…but at least I never had to wonder who it was he was loving!" she snapped back. "I didn't have to wonder if he was thinking of another woman when he was…" She cut herself off and shook her head. "This is getting us nowhere," she muttered. "We're just going around in circles and…I'm too tired to fight anymore."

She started walking again, and Inuyasha stared after her for a moment before he ran to catch up to her, gripping her arm slightly to stop her. "Kagome, I…I'm sorry, okay?" he said awkwardly. "I'm sorry I can't be what you want. I don't even know my own feelings, and…and right now I just wanna focus on finding the shards and kicking Naraku's ass. After that…there'll be more time to figure everything out."

She stared at the ground, but he could see the sadness in her eyes, could smell the salty tang of suppressed tears. "I did promise to protect you, though, and I'll keep that promise," he assured her. "I won't let nothing else happen to you. You are my friend."

She nodded stiffly, biting her lips, struggling to hold onto her composure. "And…Kagome?" he added uncertainly. "I-if anything else…happens…between you and the monk…I won't get in the way. Okay?"

"Nothing is gonna happen!" she exploded. "And…and I want you to get in the way! I…I want you to care…" Her voice trailed off into a pained whisper as she hugged herself tightly, looking very small and uncertain.

He gave an awkward kind of a laugh. "I didn't say I wouldn't care," he replied with a crooked smile. "Right now I feel like ripping him a new one knowing he put his dirty hands on you. He ain't good enough for you. I doubt anyone is."

She sniffled. "So who're you, my dad?" she asked snidely.

He chose to ignore that. "I'm just sayin'…I know I don't got the right to keep you away from other guys."

She couldn't help but smile a little. "Never stops you from trying though," she replied snidely, and was rewarded with a small, crooked grin.

"Yeah, well…I got instincts, you know. And they're saying to keep you as far away from the competition as possible."

"So in other words your goal in life is to keep me alone and miserable for the rest of my life, is that it?" she snorted.

"Keh! Quit puttin' words into my mouth," he huffed.

She actually giggled. "I don't have to. You're doing that just fine on your own," she retorted.

Inuyasha's reply to that was another disgusted huff, and he turned around and started walking again. But Kagome suddenly threw herself against his back and wrapped her arms around him, burying her face into his hair. He stiffened in shock.

"Thank you, Inuyasha, for being so understanding," she mumbled into his back.

"Keh. There ain't nothing about this that I understand," he muttered, trying to look dignified with his glowing red cheeks.

"Well, then, for trying to be understanding," she amended. "And even if it hurts, I'm glad we're friends."

His expression softened. "Kagome…"

"Gees, look at that, the sky's already getting brighter. We've been out here a long time now, huh?" She released him and strode ahead, keeping her eyes on the trees above them, not quite able to hide the moisture shining on her lashes. "Guess we'd better get back before anyone starts to worry."

Recognizing a dismissal when he saw one, Inuyasha immediately leaped at the chance to make things…normal again. "Yeah, or before a hungry youkai finds us. I swear, you attract more trouble than a fox in a chicken pen," he snorted.

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Just what it sounds like, wench!"

"Inuyaaashaaa…"

"Aw…sh-"

"Osuwari!"

*fwoomph*

"-it."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Desiree: What's this?! What's all this…this INUYASHA fluff doing in here?!

Quickening: HA! Eleven whole pages! Take that, all you people who whine about the chapters not being long enough! Just don't get used to it, 'cause it'll probably never happen again.

Desiree: But…but Miroku wasn't even IN this chapter!

Quickening: I know! *grins evilly* Ain't it GREAT?

Desiree: >_< This is SUPPOSED to be a MIROKU and KAGOME fic!

Deedlit: Obviously, she has yet to be fully corrupted.

Quickening: Mwahahahaaaa! You'll never take me alive! *flees the room, cackling maniacally*