InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Only in Dreams ❯ Disorient ( Chapter 3 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Unfortunately I do not own Inuyasha, however, I am grateful for the opportunity to torture them deliciously in this story.


Only In Dreams


Chapter Two: Disorient



Phantasmagoria.

A series or group of strange or bizarre images seen as if in a dream. His physiatrist said that it was normal for one in his position to experience this kind of eerie happenstance. It came to him on and off through out the entire first week of school. He would walk down the hall, in the midst of a lesson, or speaking with his mother and these images would fly across his vision and he would be lost to them for a time. It was the worst when it occurred in his mother’s viewing.

He will still impossibly in the middle of their conversations, during meal time, or in the midst of passing her in the house. Massive pain would scavenge through his skull with razor talons and sheer fangs. Words of unintelligible material would fall from his lips and the only thing to bring him around would be the scent of his mother’s tears. He had even been told that his brother had slugged him across the cheek once, to snap him from it, much to his surprise. Sesshoumaru’s hits were like being nailed with sledge hammer with all the force of a bullet train.

Unfortunately he had to walk around the entire school day with massive purple bruise over his cheek.

Leaning forward over the railing, he contemplated distantly letting his weight give way to bushes below. He hated being the cause of his mother’s tears. He remembered in his younger years, she was always crying. Until recently, when women decided to desire him, he had been subjected to the prejudices of this world. He had not a single friend aside from Miroku and Sango, though they appeared in his last year of elementary, thus until then he was alone.

His hands fisted over the railing, warping the mental slightly, as an inimical rage worked its way through blood stream. After his fist he never remembered the images he saw. There was something, an important in them. A fear so great that it brought him to his knees in anguish. The emotion was not his own. It belonged to someone else. He snorted and the hostility left him quickly as he deemed his reaction silly. Getting so worked up over images he could not recall and emotive that he could not accurately proclaimed to be real. Sometimes, when he thought back, his earlier feels would vanish and all was like a mist filled dream lacking true substance.

A sharp, startlingly harsh, bang boomed around him as his fist smashed in the railing before he turned from the balcony in his rage filled huff. He despised this, absolutely loathed it. He was not himself anymore. He was not the person remembered so well in the minds of his peers. Over the week he had come to be rather alone as more and more walked away from him.

“I am the same.” He muttered lowly as he rushed from his room.

It was hardly his fault that he could not bring himself to envelope the partying mood he been so widely known for. He had just come from a coma that had been spurned on by those antics. How could they look at him differently so soon because he had not caused some masterfully laid prank? How could they whisper about his nonexistent change because he was not trying to find his way down some girl’s skirt? He had just been released from the hospital and needed rest. He did not need a clingy girl or trouble from his earlier routine. He was just so tired and had so much work to catch up on from his months of school missed if he wanted graduate at the top of his class.

He was determined to maintain his excellence of last year. Determined to be the best and determined find acceptance to one of the leading collages for business. It had been his plan since he was in kindergarten and his bastard teacher told him he could never hoped to be as great his father and half-brother. It had been like a slam in the face. Later, he discovered that was how the world saw him. He smirked a little despondently. Yeah, well, I’ll show everyone what I can do and I’ll get there one my own merit. The thought sparked tenacious warmth to spread through his chest. It was one vow to himself that he would never break.

Grabbing his jacket from the entry closet, not bothering with a servant, he hurried to the mansions egress hopping that walk would cure his despairing thoughts. Wiping amber coated sight to the left as the clearing of a throat stimulated his ears with sudden sound in the silence, he scoffed quietly. “What do you want Sesh?” He spoke clearly after the shock of sudden sight vanished. In its wake he felt shame for having not sensed his brother the moment the inu-youkai ambled into his range of sense.

“You’re making your mother worry.” He said plainly, eyes hard as flint.

Inuyasha flinched almost imperceptive, shooting back defensively. “Since when you have you cared about her comfort?” He shifted ever closer to the exit, clawed hand resting over the door handle in preparation to vacate the grand entryway. “You’ve caused her far more anguish.”

He could not be sure, but at his carelessly thrown commit his aniki winced and soon he was looking to a moments guilt filled gaze tempered by remorse. It was gone before he could fully comprehend its presence. “Never-the-less, you should apologize for your unnecessary antics. You’ve been acting something of louse since your return and she doesn’t deserve your anger for merely stating her worry. I, myself, agree with her suggestion and think it would do you some good.”

Eyes narrowed, he spat. “You only want me out of the house; I bet you had a good old time with me in a coma! What, with the half-breed mistake out of your hair!”

Sesshoumaru gritted his teeth and turned on his heel. “Think what you will, you always do.” Then added quietly, softly, as he glided leisurely away. “You should treat your mother carefully, you’re lucky to even have one such as her.”

Watching his brother stride away, shame burned in his throat as if a lump of flaming coal had been forcefully lodged by his brother’s own hand. He moved, his mouth forming around his brother’s name, and then halted. Standing in the same position he watched as the older youkai left the room. He would never hear his apology if it were ever spoken, there was no need to waste breath. The knowledge helped very little with the searing of his chest. Sesshoumaru’s mother had died while giving birth to him. It was hardly what one would call a normal death. Once he had found the truth at the age of ten he had changed, retreating into a cold and unapproachable shell. Inuyasha had never known his brother to be any other way, but their father spoke of it on the occasion.

The late wife of Toga had perished by her own son’s hand. It was hardly the fault of the child other than fact of his uniqueness. There were not many inu-youkai who held poisonous claws, in fact they were near nonexistent and so the precautions to take were not widely known. On the way out his aniki had released the poison from his claws out of fear, fatally poisoning his mother. The knowledge had been discovered much too late for any difference to be made. There part of his heart that would forever be scared by the knowledge had snooped to find, and Izayoi had attempted to mend it by acting as a mother for the child whom had never known a mother’s love.

Sesshoumaru wanted no part of little brother’s mother. She was not his own and she was human and had birthed a hanyou. She was beneath him. He had been young and was hurting and so lashed out at the woman trying to step in and show him a mother’s love. A love he had been denied through accidental death. As he got older he began to appreciate her efforts and loosed his hostility till it vanished. Inuyasha felt immense guilt at having down opened his mending wound.

Now he set out, not with the intention of locking away despairing thoughts, but rather tampering down despairing emotion of penitence. The cold rush of winter’s air sped over his features like the touch of icy hands. A run through the forest of the property would work wonders upon his agitated flesh. When he rushed through the speedy movements, at times leaping and becoming lighter than air, he felt pure euphoria. Thoughts would disperse to furthest reaches of mind and he would become blank, feeling only the deepest sensations of peace and pleasure. He soared now, moved through the thick corpse of trees to his prized location. Ascending upward until reaching the mountains top, he paused along the end, back resting against the peek while his eyes gazed ever outwards. An expanse of darkness and then glittering lights rushed out before him, resembling the sky reflect upon the ocean’s depths.

After a moment he easily resolved to perform something that would clearly state an apology to his brother, as actions speak much louder than words. Hopefully it would be heard better than any sentence of repentance he had ever spoken. Leaning forward his mind swiftly moved to sift through his other trouble while he had the chance uninterrupted.

His mother, because of his moments of spacing out and speaking with no purpose or sense, wanted to send him away to a center in another country. She felt he would rest better under the care of the best specialists in the field of coma patients and recovery. Inuyasha felt it was unnecessary, overkill to what had already been prescribed, and wanted to stay and finish the last three months of school. He would be so behind on his studies if he left and dreams of proving the world wrong would go up in smoke. He understood that she was worried and, now that he sat on it, his reaction was not all that essential to belch fourth. Chin resting upon his knee he sighed heavily, forlornly. Next time, when the conversation came up, he would explain his reason’s to stay in a calm manor, forgoing on loosing his temper. In fact, he would not wait and on his return he would be sure to make amends with his mother.

He had never meant to make her cry. The mere thought had him clawing at the ground in sheer displeasure and upset with himself. His face twisted, fangs biting his lip, till everything fell away with a breath of defeat. He relaxed back against the peek. Getting worked up would not help him now, nor would it have in the mind set to have a calm conversation with his mother when the time came. With that resolve his mind blanked, eyes feasting upon the fantastic view.

The wind rustled the trees and tugged at his long hair with icy fingers, he did not feel the cold. His skin was made of stronger stuff than a human’s outer shell. Even so, after a while he would have to return or else risk freezing. Especially at this altitude. His gaze shifty to the inky expanse of the sky, mind blank and then mind wandering through many nameless musings until settling upon subject.

That girl.

He had seen neither hide nor hair of her for the entire week.

Inuyasha had probably searched the entire school top to bottom at least three times and then questioned the students triple that amount. It had almost become an obsession. The need to prove that he had really seen her, had really conversed with her, surged through his veins. Having viewed these strange images flash over his mind’s-eye on the occasion, he had too prove that she was not another phantasm to blindside his waking moments. Though they had not mentioned their doubts, both Miroku and Sango expressed that truth of feeling in discreet looks and all over body language.

Though he was irritated, angered, over their lack of faith he feigned ignorance. It didn’t matter at moment, not enough for him to burst into his usual theatrics. He needed his focus in the finding the girl. Inuyasha swallowed hard over his own thought. Fussing this much over one simple nigen girl was not normal behavior, especially not for the hanyou kicked back against the mountain’s peek. It frightened him a bit, this consuming need to find her and prove her reality amongst this world. Even if she were real, she was nothing but a stranger, ragging torrent of emotion all surging like a hurricane amongst the ocean in his veins made absolutely no sense.

There was something in her eyes when she looked at him, something deep and hidden and soul graspingly captivating. A burst of darkness hidden amongst an innocent blue sky. He wanted to reach out and wipe away what must have been a drip of paint from the brush stroking out her lashes. Only holding back from the imperfect for fear of making it worse. Never-the-less, he had to find her, and he to understand. He would never find greater comprehension if she remained like a wraith clinging to that day and that day alone. Standing, stretching his back muscles, he made his way down the mountain side to return home. The effort had proved fruitless. He only managed to think more on what he had attempted to escape with this excursion.

The moment he step foot back inside the mansion, his mother’s voice floated over his hearing. “Miroku called, but since I couldn’t find you I told him I’d have you call him back.” Inuyasha smiled slightly, looking away from his mother. Already the events earlier this day were forgotten and forgiven. It was one of the many fantastic, warming, and endearing qualities of his mother.

Finally, shoot her a soft and remorseful look, he murmured. “I’m sorry about this afternoon, I shouldn’t have yelled, you’re only worried about me. Except, mom, I really would rather just stay here and finish out my school year. I’ll never be caught up with everyone else if I leave, and you seem to forget that your son is half-youkai. I’m not going to break.” He looked back to the marble flooring, just in case her features reflected hurt, sorrow, or overwhelming concern. He would fold immediately either these feels displayed so cleanly across the contours of her visage.

He started at the feel of her hand upon his arm. Rather than the three mentioned emotions, her face was completely understanding. “I know, your father and I had long talk about it all. I understand that you want to finish school as well. I would really like you to go just to be sure, but I won’t force you and I won’t bring it up again unless something really bad happens. Deal?”

Inuyasha grinned slightly. “I can work with that.” Reaching over, he wrapped his arms around his mother. “I’ll call Miroku back later; I’m just going to some rest.” Releasing her he trudge up the stairs the floor his room resided. All of his previous thinking made him tired.


Anxiety. It was a heavy feeling wrapping around the occupants of the room. A violet shaded gaze swung to his companion in anguish over the deceit. Currently he was resting lazily over the arm of his couch in an attempt to ease the tense atmosphere. “What are we going to do? We can’t keep this up forever; he’s bound to figure it out.”

The other shrugged lightly, lengthy hair swaying with the action. “We can’t exactly tell him that ‘you know who’ is back. He forgot, remember.” She pointed out logically.

He sighed heavily. “I just don’t like doing this to him, we’re being deceitful. When he finds out-”

“He’ll understand.” The female companion cut in with more optimism that he felt she ought to feel over such a remark. He cut her dry look and she grinned sheepishly. “I’m sure he’ll understand when we explain how he screamed and clutched his head in pain at the mere mention of anything having to do with that.”

“I still don’t like it!” He leaned forward, scowl scrunching his brow. “What do you suppose that person is doing here anyway?”

“Your guess is as good as mine.”


Glancing around the overly crowed mall, Inuyasha began to question whether or not he was as sane as he would have himself believe. He hated crowded places, the mall worst of all, and now he was developing a dull ach between his eyes. It seemed like a good idea at the time. He had tried calling Miroku back some time around seven, but the pervert never picked up. He could only assume the man to be busy with another pretty face. It was Saturday after all and Miroku was never home on such a day if it could be helped. He had thought about calling Sango for his whereabouts, but immediately shut the idea out. If he was not with her it would only a cause another fight to last a ridiculous amount of time.

He wanted aimlessly through the crowds, never stopping to peek at the stores surrounding him on all sides, hardly paying any mind to where he was going. Again he had to wonder what possessed him to come to this madhouse without dire coercion. Normally Sango had to threaten to set Horaikotsu on his behind. This giant boomerang-bone that had been passed down from mother to daughter for generations upon generations. Albeit in this day and age slayers were hardly needed, her father and even she had been called on the occasion some lesser youkai were acting up. Mostly it was handled by the greater youkai in the police force.

Shoving his hands in his pocket he took in the surroundings with a heaving breath. He ought to leave rather that wander a place he really would rather not be. The smells were aggravating and the noise barely tolerable. Never-the-less he felt compelled to remain wandering the many walkways of the mall. For what purpose, he could barely bring himself to understand what inner working of his mind was urging him to remain at this.

Well, since it appeared he was going nowhere soon, he might as well it the food court. The destination in mind, he hastily changed his direction, nose following the smell of food. His steps slowed to a crawl and his ears twitched. Over the din of the mall he could the high-pitched yowls of protest of a female voice begging for freedom. Hunger forgotten, he hurried in the direction in hopes of bringing with him some relief to the girl’s plight. On his way he became angry, appalled even, at the lack of attention the occupants of the mall offered. There had to be thousands milling about, a good portion youkai, and not a single gave rest to living their daily life to step fourth and give a hand. Scowl formed over his features in pure frustration, for all they know this girl is going to be rapped and killed. He could never live with himself if he did not try helping her out of the situation, stranger or not.

Turning down a less crowded hall he took a right coming to a section of the mall that was roped off for some reason or another. Moving down the abandoned area filled with cleaning supplies and unnamed boxes, Inuyasha froze in place as if he were slapped in the face. Shock alighted features and than euphoria. These feelings of having found the girl he had been searching blanked the image of what was transpiring from his eyes.

The crack of a flesh meeting flesh harshly rang hallow in his ears and he moved without thought, mind blanking perilously. The next thing he knew the wolf she had been struggling with was knocked out and bleeding all over the floor. His own body ached, proof that he had been in a fight himself. The girl in his arms starring at him in disbelief. “Inu-baka…” She trailed softly, breathlessly, as her eyes rolled to the back of her head in a dead faint. He grappled with her sudden dead weight a moment, before catching her legs at the knees with right and back with his left arm.

The hanyou did not know what to think or feel. The girl he had been searching for a week was passed out in his arms after having been attack by another youkai. Briefly he wondered what lead to this point, but at the moment he did not care. She was in his arms. He had proof that she was real. There was no possible way that he could have found her like this if she were merely a figment of his imagination. She was real. A giddy feeling worked its way through his chest, making him lighted headed. Holding her close he hastily exited the mall. He had been worried at first, but no one paid them more than a second glance before going on their way. While he was glad, he was upset too. For all they knew he had done something too her and something yet all the more evil in mind. It made him question the morality of the people around him. Setting the girl on the passenger side of his blood red BMW, he situated her in what appeared to him a comfortable position before shutting the door.

He had been driving for a quite a while, a specific destination in mind, when the girl finally stirred. She sucked in a panicked breath, bolting up, eyes frantically scurrying about the moving vehicle. Upon seeing him all of her worry and fear deflated with the exhalation of her lungs. She eased back into the seat. “So I really did see you.” She murmured tone of light humor.

“What was going on, what did I walk in on?” He blurted. If it was something random or if she was being targeted, he wanted to know. Deep down, he had to help her.

The girl winced and laughed piteously. “I don’t want to talk about it right now.” Her head shifted to the side while gaze focused on the window of her door. “Maybe I’ll tell you after you drop me off at the Higurashi Shrine.” She did not bother giving him directions. There was no need. Everyone knew of that shrine. It was legendary as that was the Shikon no Tama was born and died. He was sketchy on the details, truthfully he never really paid attention when his father, or Myoga, or his teacher spoke of said events. It was important they would say, but really it always nearly put him to sleep. He had no interests in the distant past, only the future.

“What’s there?” He inquired casually.

“My home.”

“You live there!” He crowed out in shock.

She turned to face him, eyes scrutinizing him carefully. She blinked in her own type of shock. “You mean, your really didn’t know? I thought that everyone at school knew who I was descended from.” She said slowly, though more to herself. She shrugged, almost as if she were unconcerned, and turned back to her vigil of the side window.

Inuyasha shrugged in return. “My first day back was the first time I’d ever seen you?”

The girl chuckled mirthlessly, self-pityingly. “I know.” Her voice was a choked breathless whisper that he was sure he was not meant to hear. Howbeit with his hearing, and the fact the radio was not on, he caught the syllables quite clearly.

For the rest of the drive silence reigned supreme. A deafening silence. The quiet solitude of a graveyard at midnight. The comparison made the hanyou feel uneasy for some unfathomable reason. To get his mind from it, he superstitiously glanced at the girl beside him. His eyes traced over her form curiously, though without a hint of salacious intent as per the norm were he found in a similar situation. He still could not really recall name and it was out of pride that he did not inquest it from her. He still recalled her bitter accusations when they first met, just as he recalled every nuance of her face. It was strange, but in the brief study of their first meeting, he had memorized even the slightest contour of her visage and body. He had seen her in his dreams. Dreams that were so real he would often wake in the assumption of their reality. He would look around for her only find himself prone in his bed.

It frightened him, this need to see her again, but it would vanish now that he had found her. His obsession had been born out of the indigence to prove her solidarity amongst this world of living and breathing entities. Now that he had this feeling would ebb and he could ignore her after this as there would be nothing further to tie him inexorably to this girl. A girl whose name he could scarcely recall.

Making a left at a corner, Inuyasha parked his car parallel to a mountain of steps. Wordlessly the girl stepped from his BMW and hastily tackled the steps. He followed at a slower pace, somewhat in awe of her ability to maintain her pace even after so long. She was only human and could take only so much physical strain to her body. Stopping on the last step, she paused, and breathed deep before turning down to face him with a melancholy smile.

Inuyasha’s breath caught in his throat, his body froze in his mirrored movements, becoming stiffer than stone. The full moon’s light silhouetted her form in a pale glow, illuminating every crevice. Breath shattering beautiful. His lungs strained in his chest painfully, it almost hurt to look at her like this, like an angel come to this tainted world. Too sinful to look.

Her words destroyed his trance. He blinked and strained his focus to comprehend the words coming from her mouth. “That man you saw me with, he’s my boyfriend.” He then noticed the look of her face was a doleful gray heightened in intensity by the moon’s glow. Where as before he had been struck stone by her picturesque presence, he was now rendered by the penetrating sorrow in her in gaze. It cut him too the quick and soon he could feel nothing more than the emotion shimmering like the stars in her eyes. This feeling, it was delightful as it was hated. “That’s all you need to know, oh, and thanks for the save. I really appreciate it.” She turned to leave.

Using all the speed contained in his partial youkai body, Inuyasha caught her arm before she could take more two steps from the edge of the stairway. Ripping her back, he grasped hold of both her arms firmly. “No, that is not all! He’s your boyfriend? What right does he have to hit you like that?” Removing one hand, he cautiously ran a clawed finger down her tender cheek. He had not noticed it before, but it was swollen and dark with a bruise. “Is this why I can’t find you in school, because he’s doing this to you? I thought you were someone stronger that this, I thought-.” He stopped. He did not really know her, who was he to name her persona. His hand came back her arm clenching tight, though being careful of claws. “Tell me his name! Tell me his name and he won’t touch you again!” He spat fiercely.

She laughed lightly, smiling ruefully in his face. “Your very unique Inu-Baka, but it’s going to take more than that to help me. Just stay out of it okay.” She tried to extract herself to no avail.

His brow drawn into a deep frown, he question huffily, choosing to ignore her dismissal. “Why do you always call me that?”

“That’s for me to know and you to find out.” She sang teasingly with a secretive grin. Swiftly her joking manner vanished and her face enveloped solemnity. “Let me go, now that this all over, I need to get some sleep.” She forced out an exaggerated yawn.

“Nothing is over.” Inuyasha insisted stubbornly. “You just refuse to make this easier. How can I help you, protect you, if you won’t tell me anything?”

Her face softened and she touched his cheek. A touch that sent jolts down his spine. He the sudden urge to burry his nose in her neck and drown in her scent. A scent that was beginning to make his head impossibly light. “You want to protect me,” she murmured almost as if it were a foreign idea, “I…. If you can find me again at school on Monday, I’ll tell you more, if you remember. Don’t worry, I plan to show up.” She grinned cheekily.

With a breath Inuyasha conceded and released his hold. “Alright, but if you don’t come I will find out, so remember that I know where you live and where to go to hunt you down.” Giving into a want, a desire, he grasped her suddenly to his chest. He relished in the feel of her small body flush against his solid build. Warmth exploded in his heart and he leaned forward to whisper. “I want to protect you, but I can’t do that if you don’t let me.” He turned abruptly, unwilling to see her reaction, hastily ambling down the mountain of steps. He scarcely understood what possessed him to act so familiarly with a girl he had only met twice. A girl who did not seem to like him much at all.

“Oh and Inu-Baka,” she called and halted. “Since you seem like such a forgetful person I feel the need to remind you. My name is Kagome.”

Smiling a genuine smile, he left.


A/N:


Sorry, it kind of took a while, but I couldn’t really get this chapter the way I wanted in the beginning; I’m satisfied now. I was kind of nervous that I was giving away too much too soon, but I think how I put it wasn’t giving away too much. Just more curiosities.

Have you ever heard of slipknot’s vermillion prt.2? I think it makes the perfect song for this fan fiction. If you have than you might understand, and if you haven’t you can find it here….

http://searchbeta.playlist.com/async/popout/46033062

There also other songs that I listen too while I’m writing, who knows, there might be something you like. ^_^

Oh and I want to thank all of my reviewers, I love your reviews! They’re awesome and totally brighten my day and make me think! Plot wise! That’s a good thing too, don‘t want to make anything too predictable.

I promise to respond to the reviews next time, I’m so tired, but I really wanted to get this up. Or maybe update with the reviews of this chapter.


~Katya