InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Paradox: The Power of Letting Go ❯ The Power of Letting Go ( Chapter 16 )

Disclaimer: InuYasha is owned by Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan Inc. and Viz Media.

Story and all original characters created are owned by me.

 

 

 

The Power of Letting Go

 

-x-x-x-x-

 

 

 

Yash Takahashi stood there for a few moments looking down into the bottomless pit. Sorrow reflected in his eyes and his heart ached with the knowledge of what was to come.

 

The last time he stood by the well with the woman he loved, he begged her to stay and he couldn't let her go. Now, 500 years later, he had sent her away with his blessings. He didn't beg her to stay and he would let her go. The only difference was that she would come back to him.

 

He stood there for a few moments with eyes closed and his breath even.

 

There was only one thing left to do.

 

He turned around and walked out into the shrine in search of Kagome's mother.

 

 

 

-x-x-x-x-

 

 

 

Feudal Era

 

 

It all began here. Will it end here too?

 

Kagome stood underneath the Goshinboku tree. Was it only just a week ago that she stood at the same spot in a different time?

 

Her quest was almost complete. The DNA of the butterfly youkai was safely packed and stored in her backpack. She only had to say her good-byes now, to her friends — people she thought of as her family. Knowing what she had to do now, she couldn't face it, not yet…

 

She lightly traced the trunk of the old tree, making circular patterns against the rough bark. Kagome stood staring at the branches. Fate and destiny — it was all intertwined, wasn't it? Was it already written, their story? Did fate already set their destiny? The jewel, the hunt, the defeat, the love, the cycle, was it all just a pattern? If you broke one link in the chain of events, would it all fall down?

 

To be free to love in the future, she would have to do the hardest thing in her life: she would have to tell the man she so desperately loved to let her go. How could she do this? Would she have the strength to break his heart? Was this a test? A test to see if she could let him go? Let him go so that he could come back and love her?

 

Why is fate so cruel? The irony fell heavily on her shoulders and her knees buckled underneath its tortuous weight. She slumped against the roots, hugging the tree as if seeking answers.

 

She reached up and gently caressed the ring she had carried against her heart for the past week, dangling from a thin gold chain around her neck. She clutched at it and gripped the small band in her fist. It pulsated against the palm of her hand — a slow steady pulse, like the pulse of a warm heartbeat. InuYasha.

 

Slipping the ring off the chain, she slid the band onto her finger. Drawing a deep breath and squaring her shoulders, she went in search of her friends.

 

 

 

-x-x-x-x-

 

 

 

Back to the beginning…

 

 

“Oh, Kagome, what a pretty ring!” Sango lifted up Kagome's hand, examining the metal band on her friend's finger. The three jewels were sparkling red from the glowing embers of the fire.

 

A movement at the doorway went unnoticed by both girls because they were so caught up in the moment of examining the pretty bauble.

 

Kagome flexed her fingers, her eyes sparkling as much as the stone. She smiled widely at her friend. “It's an engagement ring.”

 

“Engagement ring?”

 

“It means that I'm getting married.”

 

Sango couldn't contain the stunned expression on her face. “Married…?”

 

Kagome beamed, oblivious to the fact that she and Sango were no longer alone in the hut. “Yes, I'm marrying the man of my dreams. I'm so excited.”

 

A loud gasp from the doorway made Kagome whirl around and face a shocked looking Miroku. She caught a swirl of red and silver as the bamboo mat fell back into place.

 

Miroku composed his features and stepped forward. “Kagome, you're getting married?”

 

“Yes. Miroku, I guess you heard?” Kagome looked anxiously around his shoulders. “I… um… InuYasha… I should go explain…” Damn, why didn't I sense him behind me? I need to talk to him! Kagome brushed past Miroku, but his hand shot out to stop her.

 

“Let him calm down. From the look on his face, I'd say he was in shock at your news and, quite honestly, so am I. He's been waiting for you…” Miroku trailed off, a slight disapproving look on his face.

 

What?! No! “No, Miroku, it's… it's not like that. You don't understand…” Kagome's eyes shone bright with unshed tears.

 

Sango stepped up beside her friend and put a supporting arm around her. “Miroku, Kagome cannot help who she falls in love with. You are in love, are you not, Kagome?” She shot her friend a questioning look.

 

Hurt blossomed up Kagome's chest at her friend's inquisition. “Yes! Of course, I am. He's the love of my life!” It's InuYasha. It has always been InuYasha.

 

Sango softened her features as she noticed Kagome's discomfort. “I'm sorry, Kagome. I didn't mean it like that. It's true that InuYasha has been waiting for you, almost pining for you. It's been five years…” Sango didn't want to continue hurting her friend with the way the discussion was going, but Kagome had to know the truth.

 

“Oh, Sango, Miroku, it's not like that!” How do I explain this to them?

 

Miroku's interest was piqued. “What do you mean?”

 

“It's just so complicated!” Kagome gave into her tears as she broke down and sobbed.

 

Sango shot Miroku a distressed look as the monk heaved a sigh and gestured towards the fire and mat. Sango caught his gesture and nodded as she steered the distraught girl towards the center of the hut. She pulled Kagome down beside the fire as she prepared to boil some water for tea.

 

Miroku sat down on the other side of Kagome and waited until the girl's sobs subsided. As soon as her cries became mere hiccups, Miroku began to speak, “Kagome, we don't mean to upset you, but maybe it's better if you explained why it's so complicated?”

 

Kagome clutched her head squeezing her eyes shut, distraught at the thought of the hurt hanyou. “I have to talk to InuYasha. I have to make him understand!”

 

Miroku simply shook his head. “I think it's best to let InuYasha calm down. Knowing him, he's off fighting a few trees.”

 

“All the more reason I should go to him!” protested Kagome as she started to move up off of the floor.

 

A hand on her shoulder gently but firmly pushed her down. Kagome shot a questioning look at Miroku, tears streaking down her pale face.

 

The Monk's face was solemn and firm. “Let him go.”

 

Those three simple words shot an arrow through Kagome's heart. I have to let him go, so that he'll come back to me. Looking down at her clenched hands, Kagome softly confessed, “I already have.”

 

Miroku raised an eyebrow and let the remark slide. Kagome would tell him and Sango when she was ready. “We are still your friends, Kagome. You can confide in us, and we will support you, no matter what.”

 

Sango nodded her agreement and poured hot tea for the three of them before sitting down beside her grief stricken friend.

 

Kagome grasped her cup tightly as if seeking the warmth and comfort from the brew. Taking a deep breath she looked at her friends, not quite sure where to begin.

 

 

 

-x-x-x-x-

 

 

 

A few hours and many cups of tea later, Kagome emerged from the hut. She was drained and confused, and her eyes red and puffy from all of the tears that she had shed for InuYasha, her friends, and herself.

 

She told Sango and Miroku why she took the research job and explained the work she was currently doing. They had never questioned her on why she needed the butterfly youkai DNA in the first place. Kagome had just stated that she needed it, and they were happy to help out without question. They believed in her unconditionally.

 

I don't have many friends that would believe me on faith alone. Those words she uttered to Kazuki seemed like a lifetime ago. She almost choked on her emotions as the realization struck her that she was leaving behind two friends that did believe her on faith alone. How do you replace friends like that?

 

You don't, her heart whispered.

 

She smiled as she thought of her friends who gave her such unconditional love and support. Sango and Miroku would have liked Kazuki, and Kaz would have loved them.

 

Kagome took comfort in the knowledge that her Feudal friends knew about her dilemma, and she trusted them implicitly that they would never reveal anything to InuYasha. They hugged, soothed, and reassured her that they would look after the hanyou.

 

Knowing that her friends were going to take care of InuYasha — take care of him until she could —gave her the strength to continue her course. She knew the sadness and bitterness that he would endure and prayed that their friends could help alleviate some of his pain. She had to trust them. She knew that he would feel the sting of rejection for the next 500 years, and this fact burned her soul with guilt. But what else could she do? This was the way it had to be. Any change in action and the future would shift, and how could she take that chance?

 

After a while, Miroku and Sango updated Kagome on their life in the slayer's village and regaled her with tales of their growing brood.

 

From Yash's descriptions in the future, Kagome knew that the village would thrive for many years. Long after Miroku and Sango departed the earth, their sons and daughters would pick up the gauntlet and invade the world with their determination, drive and foresight.

 

Yash had shown her a photo of one of their kin, a woman who looked remarkably like Sango. She lived on the east end of Tokyo as a lawyer, a public prosecutor, and much like her ancestors, she fought demons. Only this time, it was demons of a human kind.

 

Yash and Shippo had made it their decree to keep track of the monk and slayer's kin throughout the centuries. Even after their bodies departed from the world, their spirits and their blood would continue to live on.

 

As daylight faded to dusk, Kagome said her farewells to her dear friends. She clung to Sango and tearfully bid good-bye to the woman who was like a sister to her. “I love you, Sango.”

 

Miroku pulled her to his chest, whispering softly in her ear, “Don't worry, Kagome. We'll take care of him for you. Live and be happy.” Kagome swallowed the lump in her throat and simply nodded, hugging him back fiercely. Good-bye, Miroku.

 

She had already said her good-byes to Shippo the previous day, before he left for the Kitsune Temple. That parting was not as hard as it was now. She knew that she would see the kitsune again. That he would grow up to be a happy, well-adjusted young youkai who had the world at his feet. That she and Yash would be there for him and he for them. She looked forward to a future with her men — the three of them: a family.

 

She had one more good-bye to say before she left — the hardest one yet. Rubbing her tired eyes, she heaved her backpack onto her shoulder. Making sure not to jostle the vials, she wearily started off towards the Goshinboku tree — where it all started and where it would all end.

 

InuYasha, forgive me for what I'm about to do.

 

 

 

-x-x-x-x-

 

 

 

“InuYasha,” Kagome's soft voice called out

 

InuYasha pressed himself closer to the branches. If he didn't come down, then she couldn't say good-bye, then she couldn't really go, could she?

 

When he didn't answer, Kagome begged as she tried to hold back her tears. “Please come down, InuYasha, please.” Please, InuYasha. Please don't make this harder for us. Kami, please.

 

The sharp tang of her tears hit his nose, and InuYasha cursed as he dropped down beside her.

 

Crouched in front of her, he looked at the woman standing silently watching him, her eyes red and swollen. Why are you doing this, Kagome? I thought that you loved me. Was it all a lie?

 

Through the haze of tears, she stammered, “I-InuYasha, th-thank you for helping me get the butterfly youkai. Y-you didn't have to, and I'm gr-grateful for your help. I-I'm going h-ho-ome and I-I'm n-not… I-I'm not… I'm n-not co-coming b-back… I-I-`m g-getting m-ma-married, In-InuYasha…” Kagome could barely get the words past her raw throat as tears streamed down her face. Oh, Kami. Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! You're making it worse! “I-I'm s-so s-so-sorry…”

 

His chest heaved painfully with heartache, and the breath lodged in his throat. But he had to ask. He had to know. “The man who gave you that ring — do you love him?”

 

Kagome heard his voice, but it was Yash's echoing in her memory. “I saw you sitting with him up in the Goshinboku tree…” He saw me with Kaz and he's asking about this ring — this is why he thought I was marrying Kaz! He thinks Kaz gave me the ring!

 

Oh, Kami. Kagome pressed her hand against her mouth. Don't ask me that, InuYasha, please don't make me answer you. “InuYasha… please…”

 

InuYasha stilled as anguish shadowed his eyes. In a deathly tone of voice, raw with hurt and desperation, he rasped out, “Answer me, Kagome. Do. You. Love. Him?”

 

InuYasha, you gave me this ring. With unbearable agony, the word burning in her throat, Kagome choked out, “Y-y-yes…” I love you.

 

He reeled back in shock as if struck. She was in love with another man. Staring at her with disbelief and betrayal, his numb mind could not process the fact that she had no intention of ever coming back. She was leaving him again.

 

I'm so very sorry, InuYasha. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I wish I could tell you, but I can't. I can't. Forgive me. Please forgive me. Kagome slowly approached him, her heart aching painfully in her chest. When he did not move away, she hesitantly put her arms around his waist and hugged him with all her might. “I'm so sorry, InuYasha.”

 

Her heart spoke the words that she couldn't say. I love you, InuYasha. I love you so much. We're going to be together. We are. We're going to get married. We'll have a family. We're going to be together forever. We'll be happy. I'm sorry I can't tell you. I'm so sorry. I love you. I love you. I love you …

 

She chanted this mantra deep inside her soul. She clung to him trying to alleviate his pain. She could feel the desperation lacing through his body, and she trembled at the guilt.

 

He clutched at her, squeezing her body to his, holding onto her as if she was a lifeline and he was a sinking ship. Kagome, how could do you this to me? To us? Why Kagome, why? I love you. Please don't leave me. I'll do anything. Just don't leave me. Please. Please. Please.

 

Suddenly he was pressing his lips against hers: urgently, passionately, and desperately. Kagome feverishly kissed him back, all rational thought flown from her mind. InuYasha — this was her hanyou, the one that she loved, and she had to leave him — She had to let him go.

 

Gasping as she pulled to the surface of reality, she pushed him away, shaking her head. “No… No, I can't do this.” Her voice shook with wretched emotion. “I have to go…” Oh Kami, I can't do this! She tentatively took a step back, then another and another, until she was running, running to the well, away from the man she loved.

 

InuYasha stood in shocked silence, his body frozen and his feet betraying him as he watched her approach the well. “Kagome, don't go…”

 

Kagome paused with her back turned to the hanyou. Her head was hung low and her breath came out in ragged rasps. Clenching her eyes shut, she dared not to look at InuYasha, to see the desperation in his eyes that matched the despair she heard in his voice.

 

How do I do this? How do I just leave him?

 

Summoning all of her strength, she opened her eyes, her gaze falling onto her hand that tightly gripped the edge of the well. The moonlight reflected off the red stones like blood on her fingers: a hanyou's blood.

 

Yash's words whispered up through to her from the other side of the well.

 

Three stones to represent all that we are, all that we are meant to be: the past, the present… the future.

 

Come back to me, Kagome.

 

“InuYasha… you have to…” Kagome swallowed audibly, “You have to let me go.”

 

She jumped.