InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Patchwork Family ❯ Questions, Answers and a Wolf with a Death Wish ( Chapter 21 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Allannarose22 
A few careless comments from Koga might get him killed, but at least it brings some important information out into the open for Kagome. Primary among many other things she needs now is information and she knows it.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Supernatural / Romance / Psychological / Drama / Action | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 10.29.2014 | Updated On: 02.14.2015 | Pages: 12 | Words: 8.3K | Visits: 664 | Status: Completed
A few careless comments from Koga might get him killed, but at least it brings some important information out into the open for Kagome. Primary among many other things she needs now is information and she knows it.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Supernatural / Romance / Psychological / Drama / Action | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 10.29.2014 | Updated On: 02.14.2015 | Pages: 12 | Words: 8.3K | Visits: 664 | Status: Completed
A/N: All Inuyasha
characters and references belong to the creator of Inuyasha, Rumiko
Takahashi and published by Shogakukan. Any other characters are
more than likely my own creation. If I borrow directly from another
story I will do my best to make sure I give credit where credit is
due. I will also be pulling some material (ideas and inspirations)
from Burn Notice, Scorpion, Supernatural, and Lockwood &
Co.
***
Inuyasha pulled in a deep breath, feeling warm and comfortable. The smell of Kagome filled his nose and he opened his eyes, realizing there was a slight weight against his side. The young woman had rolled in her sleep until she was curled against him, still wrapped tightly in the comforter. He carefully moved his arm down around her and she made a small, sighing sound, adjusting herself a little, leaning her head against his shoulder and sliding one arm up to settle against his chest. He hesitated for a moment in surprise. But her face was calm and even, and she was still asleep.
He relaxed back against his pillow, holding her to him, strangely enjoying this warm, relaxed feeling for now. The television was still playing nearly silent cartoons. The program had changed to some old episode of the looney toons and Marvin the Martian was firing up a rocket ship. Inuyasha’s eyes fell back down to Kagome. It was amazing, he thought, that she wasn't roasting or dripping in sweat. She was still wrapped up in the zippered sweater as well as the blanket. He was laying on top of the covers and was almost too warm; though to be fair, he was willing to admit his body temperature might have gone up a degree or two after she’d snuggled up to him.
Inuyasha wondered what time it was, and twisted to reach his phone on the floor next to the bed. Usually it was just him here, so there had never been a reason to put a night stand on the other side of the bed. He flipped the phone on and the digital readout informed him it was a quarter after five. He heard Kagome's sharp intake of breath and felt her stiffen under his arm. He set the phone on the bed next to him and looked down at her, calmly affirming, "it's alright. You're fine."
She blinked stormy gray eyes open to look up at him, lifted her head, and glanced around the room. She relaxed a little and made a small sound, clearing her throat and rasping out, "sorry."
He shrugged, remaining relaxed and leaving his arm around her. "No worries."
She seemed to think for a long moment, her eyes studying his face. Whatever she found there must have reassured her to some extent; because she lay her head back on his shoulder and let loose a soft sigh. He felt her tense muscles relax a bit and he let out the breath of his own that he hadn't known he’d been holding, waiting for her reaction. They lay like that for several minutes, the quiet room wrapping around them comfortably. Then there was a loud gurgling sound.
Kagome's cheeks went red and Inuyasha snorted out a laugh, looking down at her again. "I don't think I've ever heard a human gut sound that loud."
She smiled a little reluctantly and shrugged, glancing up at him. He almost frowned at the slightly bitter edge to the expression. It had been fleeting, but definitely there, and it puzzled him. Kagome’s stomach let out another, slightly quieter plea for dinner, and his ear twitched at the small sound. He saw her eyes flick up to his ears at the movement and remembered her fascination with them that morning. Those fingers were lying against his chest now, and she bit her lip, closed her hand into a loose fist, as if curtailing the urge to reach up to pat them again. Her eyes fell back to his and he quietly gave her permission. "Go ahead. You can touch them if you want. I swear I won't bite."
She looked a little nervous and he wondered if she was remembering what he’d stupidly said the last time. Part of him wanted to jump in and reassure her again, but he held his peace, waiting to see how she would process the situation for herself. He was rewarded when she sat up on her elbow and slowly reached for his ears. Inuyasha closed his eyes as he felt her warm fingers gently running over each ear… and as a pleasantly surprising side effect of her position, her breasts, though tightly contained in a sports bra, pressed against his side. The feeling made him want to groan and his ears twitched against her fingertips.
Kagome smiled a little as her fingers slid along the silken white fur. When she saw his eyes close she let herself watch his face, as he clearly enjoyed her touch. She was just barely leaned over him as she rubbed his ears, letting her fingers brush through his long, thick silver hair. When he opened his eyes she realized she’d somehow gotten closer to him, and she paused. She pulled her hand down and leaned back, though his arm was still curled around her, so she didn't have much room for retreat. Her eyes dropped to his mouth for a moment and she unconsciously licked her own dry lips. There was a somewhat jarring shock to her system as she realized she almost wanted to kiss him. She almost felt it would be easy to kiss him now, laying here like this.
He smiled a little and she could just see the tips of his fangs. It didn't have the effect on her it normally would have, but between one memory and another, it was more than enough to yank her mind back to its proper place. She pulled in a deep breath and then the silence was broken again by her empty stomach’s complaints. She was indeed hungry. ‘Thank the gods for growling stomachs,’ she thought.
When Inuyasha heard her stomach rumble he took the opportunity to lighten the mood. He snorted again at the loud gurgling sound. "I guess we should feed you."
For half a moment, he’d wondered if she might actually kiss him. The way she was looking at him she had to be thinking about it. He’d smelled the very faintest hint of arousal in her, but it was tinged with sour fear and nerves and that made his chest tighten in a strange, unhappy way. It unsettled him that the first time he should catch that scent from her, it was marred by such dark overtones. He didn't miss the change in her eyes as his lips pulled away from his teeth. That change in her hit him like cold water to the face. They sat up, and he swung his legs off the bed, muttering, "I'll be right back."
He closed the bathroom door behind him, sighing heavily as he ran a brush through his hair, pulling most of it into a sloppy braided tail, and rinsed his face. The half demon that looked back at him from the mirror looked no different than he had for a long time. He bared his teeth, looking at the sharp canines, and wondered for a moment if she’d always responded this way to demons, or if it was only since she’d been with Naraku's gang. They certainly wouldn't have given her reason to think she could trust a demon, or be safe around one, but something in her manner made him think there’d been some measure of prejudice to begin with.
Big surprise; if she had any miko training, it was more likely than not that she’d been taught that demons were nothing but monsters. While he admitted this was true in many instances, it was by no means an absolute rule. Demons could be just as varied as humans.
He wondered again if she could tell that he was hanyu. Would being half human help him in this rare instance? Usually it was nothing but a handicap to be overcome. He allowed himself just a short moment to wallow in a memory from a very long time past. There had been only once in his adult life that he’d wanted to trade his demon blood to become a full human. And that had backfired in a way that still put his teeth on edge. Still, something in his heart hurt when faced with the fact that it was the demon in him that seemed to scare her. Sesshomaru had said there was potential for a mate bond, but how could that ever happen when she seemed to feel she wasn’t even allowed to truly be friends with him?
It was with mild surprise that he now realized he’d never even considered the thought of whether or not he wanted a mate. He’d never imagined the issue would come up. Nobody, human or demon generally wanted to bond that way with a hanyu. A Halfer like him was good for the occasional romp in the sheets or a wild night out, but not to keep around long term. He’d accepted that by now, had lived with it, even occasionally enjoyed it.
Something about her presence had slipped into place inside him, smoothed sore edges in him that he hadn’t realized were there. It was as if they were designed to be connected, like magnets that had only been waiting to get close enough to start pulling together. Sure, he’d been lonely sometimes, but on the whole he was good at being alone. Should he just let her continue to draw away from him? Or would he regret it if he didn’t try to get closer, if he let her drift away and live out her life away from the Wardens? Would that be safer for her… or more dangerous?
Taking a mate, giving that much to someone, it left you in danger of losing yourself if anything happened to them, or if they chose to leave. He’d watched the process nearly kill his brother, whom he’d thought to be the most emotionally isolated creature on the planet until the last eighty years or so. He shook himself from his introspection and put it aside. Continuing to rake these thoughts over the coals wasn’t going to solve anything.
Inuyasha wiped his face on a towel and re-entered the bedroom to find Kagome sitting on the bed with her legs stretched out, bending down to touch her toes with a grimace of discomfort. He frowned a little. "How're you feeling’?" She shrugged and nodded, her fingers meeting her toes once more and stood, gingerly testing her healing leg.
"How's your throat?"
She bit her lip and one of her hands flew up to her neck. Her brows drew together and she shrugged, murmuring, "a little better all the time."
He moved to his bedside table and pulled a small flashlight from the drawer. It had come with a key chain knife that he'd bought, but as he could see well in the dark, he'd almost never used it. He flicked it on now and stood in front of her, ordering gently, "open up and let me see."
She looked a little surprised but, after a moment, opened her mouth wide. Making sure she could see him coming towards her slowly, he lay one hand against her neck, his thumb moving her lip a little so he could see better. He frowned at the red, swollen tissue at the back of her throat. This was what it looked like after it had healed up a lot, so it must have looked like grated meat a few days ago.
He swore and turned the flashlight off, tossing it back in the drawer. "Yeah- that looks like it hurts. Should we go see if we can find you something to eat? I'm hungry too." She nodded slowly, making her way to the bathroom to straighten her sleep-rumpled self.
When Inuyasha and Kagome walked into the kitchen Rosalind was prepping the last bit of ground beef. Sesshomaru stood with his arms crossed, leaning against the counter next to the red head while they spoke. Rosalind smiled and set the large bowl in the sink as she said, “hey guys, dinner will be in about an forty minutes-ish, Koga’s setting up the grill down on the beach since the weather’s nice.”
Inuyasha opened the fridge, grabbing a small cup of yogurt as he said, “sounds like a plan to me.” He grabbed a spoon from a drawer and handed it and the yogurt to Kagome. “Is vanilla okay?”
Kagome took the offering and nodded, mouthing, “thank you.” She leaned against a pantry door and slowly ate the yogurt, watching as Rosalind pulled out a huge bag of frozen, thick-cut french fries and set it next to the hamburger fixings. Everyone went quiet when there came a crackling sound from Inuyasha’s pocket and he pulled out the cell phone and the walkie talkie.
For a moment he just held them, ears perked up and listening, but they just heard a few footsteps, some muttering about a basketball game, and the opening and closing of a door. The sound came from the walkie talkie. He shoved them back in his pockets and said, “someone must have come home in one of the apartments down the hall from yours. At least we know how well the bugs pick up now from a distance.”
Rosalind’s lips twisted into a stiff smile. “It sounded like Mason. He’s my next-door neighbor.” Her tone suggested she hadn’t been thrilled with the fact and Sesshomaru’s expression stilled noticeably. The brother’s traded looks for a moment before Inuyash asked carefully, “Mason hugh? What do you know about him?”
The red head shrugged her shoulders, occupying her hands with loading the food and grilling tools into a box. “Not much. With the hours I worked we passed each other in the hall most mornings. He was usually coming home late and I was leaving early. He’s a sports nut. I bet he’d trade his grandmother for courtside seats.”
Sesshomaru’s eyes narrowed just the smallest amount. “How many neighbors did you have?”
Rosalind thought a moment before she replied. “Mason lives in the apartment next to mine, and the unit across the hall had four college guys in it, but I think all the others on my floor were empty.”
Inuyasha pulled a stool up to sit at the counter, snagging an apple out of the bag that still lay on the counter. “How long since this Mason guy moved in? How well did you know him?”
Rosalind snorted with laughter and said, “Mason asked me out about a dozen times, but here was never anything between us, if that’s what you’re asking. He moved in about a year and a half ago.”
Both sets of golden eyes seemed to study her then for a moment and she finally set down the bottles of ketchup and mustard with a thunk to demand, “what are you looking at me like that for?”
Sesshomaru didn’t answer and Inuyasha seemed to flounder for a second. Kagome decided to break the tension with a calculated inquiry. She wasn’t positive, but she thought she knew what was on Inuyasha’s mind at least. There was something in both men that spoke of a great deal of protective instinct and the conversation had rolled around to an unknown male living in close proximity with a female they considered family, in one sense or another. “Was he a skeeze?” she asked, trying sound as if she were half joking.
Rosalind’s lips quirked in amusement and she pondered the question. “He was a little strange but I wouldn’t call him a skeeze. He was nice enough, maybe a little dim though. I just don’t date. It took him a long time to believe I wasn’t just messing with him.”
Kagome cocked her head curiously and Rosalind just shrugged, smiled a little ruefully, and changed the subject. “Do we want to grab a folding table and the camp chairs or do you guys want to just picnic on blankets?”
Sesshomaru strode to the large closet in the hall and pulled out a long folding table that had a hinge in the middle. He and Inuyasha took six camp chairs each, slinging the straps in sets of three over each shoulder. Rosalind picked up the box in which she’d packed the food and an array of other grilling necessities. Kagome tossed her empty yogurt cup in the trash and her voice sounded as if it might be approaching something like a simple sore throat as she asked, “can I help carry anything?”
Rosalind gave her a grateful smile and nodded her chin at the counter. “If you could grab the bag of fries and the bags of hamburger buns, we’ll be able to get nearly everything in one trip. Thanks.”
Kagome pulled the items into her arms and followed them out of the house. For late March the weather was warm this evening. A light breeze played across her skin as they stepped outside and she pulled the door closed behind her. The group made their way down the path to the beach. There was a wide sandy swath of shoreline about 20 paces from the path’s end where Koga and Ayame had set up the grill, which was smoking through the grate in the lid.
The wolf demons were standing near it, watching as Kohaku pretended to chase Rin and Shippo. The kids ran in and out of the chilly surf; yelling, laughing and splashing each other. Koga took the folding table from them and pulled the legs out, setting it upright while Ayame began to open camp chairs. Rosalind set down her box and pulled out what she needed at the grill, laying it all out at one end of the table top.
Kagome set her load down as well, placing the bags of bread in a neat row. When she walked by Koga she heard him pull air through his nose in a pronounced sniff. She turned to glance over her shoulder at him and he gave her a strange look, brows raised as he commented, “well- that’s interesting.”
She looked uneasily to Inuyasha, wondering what on earth this was about. Inuyasha glared at Koga and muttered, “shut up wolf.” Koga gave him a cocky grin. “What’s the matter mutt face? Get halfway through and lose your nerve? Not demon enough to finish the job?”
Everyone standing around the table went still as a snarling growl came from somewhere deep in Inuyasha’s chest. “Not what happened, and it’s none of your business. Leave her alone.”
Koga just smirked at Kagome, as if he couldn’t care less if Inuyasha got pissed off. She frowned and looked from him to Inuyasha again, who had now come to stand close next to her. His muscles were tensed, as if he was prepared to launch himself at Koga. This was the first time she’d really seen him angry and she realized suddenly how carefully even tempered he’d been around her. She tried not to let herself sink back into fear as she asked hoarsely, “what’s he talking about?”
Inuyasha clenched his teeth. He hadn’t had an opening yet to bring it up and this was hardly the easiest way to explain the issue. When he didn’t answer right away, her frown deepened and she looked back at Koga, crossing her arms over her chest in irritation, a little snap in her tone. “What?”
Ayame glared at Koga now too, cutting him off when he opened his mouth. “He’s talking about your scent. It’s changed since the first time we saw you, but the rest of us have the manners not to mention it.” With that she reached out and smacked Koga in the back of the head. He stepped away rubbing his head, but his blue eyes still danced with his own personal entertainment and a little indignation. “Doesn’t she have a right to know if he hasn’t told her anything?”
The she-wolf shot him a look and replied, “yes- but I’m sure he was going to explain it to her. Things have been a little hectic.” She transferred her glare to Inuyasha then. “You were going to explain it to her right? Any demon she walks in front of can smell it.”
Inuyasha caught the trace of fear entering Kagome’s scent, along with a mire of other confused emotions. She gave him a look that could only be called thunderous and he almost flinched. She looked like she was about to scream. He stepped around the table to stand toe to toe with Koga, growling through clenched teeth, “I’ll kick your ass later, when the kids aren’t around.”
Koga just let out an unconcerned snort. “Whatever dog breath. Take your best shot.”
Inuyasha nearly looked like he was going to hit the man anyway, but instead turned back to Kagome. “Come on, I’ll explain what this idiot is yammering on about.”
Kagome strode quickly after him, keeping a defined distance between them as they walked down the shore. She felt herself getting angrier the longer he stayed silent. Finally after they were about a hundred yards down the beach she planted her feet in the sand. “Inuyasha tell me what he’s talking about; what about my smell?”
Inuyasha stopped and turned reluctantly, sliding his hands into his pockets. After a moment he met her distrustful gaze and said, “you smell like me.”
Her brow wrinkled, clearly confused. He sighed and ran a hand into his hair for a second. He took a seat on a low stone outcrop and gestured for her to do the same. For a moment she just stood there, still looking angry, but then relented so far as to sit on the dry sand in front of him, wrapping her arms around her knees and pulling them tightly to her chest.
“Yesterday, when you were shot…” he started, but he broke off, feeling his chest tighten again, as it did every time he remembered the event.
When she frowned at him he leaned forward, elbows on his knees, hands clasped together and continued. “I called Sesshomaru to bring the Tenseiga. It’s sort of a… special… heirloom; it can bring someone back from the brink of death. But he was here in and you were losing blood so fast.”
Her expression softened a little and she dropped her eyes to the stone next to him as he spoke. “We were trying to keep you awake but you were getting so cold. Do you remember? You told me you couldn’t feel your legs. That’s when I knew you weren’t going to make it long enough for Sesshomaru to get to us.”
Dark brows drew together as she remembered bits and pieces of the experience, and she nodded. Kagome thought briefly to herself that if he’d let her go, she wouldn’t have to worry about any of this mess anymore. It would have been over. She banished that darkness as soon as she recognized it for what it was: the easy way out, among other things.
Inuyasha ran his hands over his face a moment and said, “I gave you a large dose of my blood, made you swallow it. Demon blood can either kill a human, or make them stronger. It’s a risk. I hoped…” He took a deep breath and admitted, “I hoped that since I’m half human, the chances that it would help you, rather than hurt you would be high enough.”
He looked back to her now and their eyes met. He could see her surprise. Slowly she nodded again, murmuring, “I guess it worked?”
Inuyasha snorted. “Keh- beautifully. You came right back for the most part. The bleeding slowed a lot, but it spiked your temperature really high. That was starting to worry me by the time Sesshomaru got there.”
“And a demon can smell that, your blood? Still?” she asked thoughtfully.
Inuyasha nodded once. “Any demon with half a nose will be able to smell some of my scent in yours.”
She pondered this for a minute before she asked, “for how long?”
He shrugged uncomfortably. “I’m not sure. I’ve never done it before. Might be days, might be weeks, could be months. If we do nothing else, it should wear off eventually.”
She raised an eyebrow, silently inviting him to elaborate. His cheeks went a little red and he was unable to look her in the eye as he explained, “a blood exchange is arguably one of the most important parts of the process demons use when they take a mate.”
Her face went completely blank with shock. “A… mate?”
He nodded slowly, ears laid back as if waiting for an explosion, then looked at her again out of the corner of his eye. The waiting for a response was killing him already. She dropped her knees into a cross legged position and sat forward. “So…any demon who smells me is going to think you’re my… my what… husband?”
Kagome’s voice had a halfway hysterical edge to it and Inuyasha tread carefully. She was still so surprised he couldn’t tell yet if she was angry. “Sort of…” he continued. “I guess it would translate more like fiancé. We can smell the difference between the blood exchange alone and a fully mated pair, though it’s highly unusual to come across that kind of thing.”
“So when Koga asked if you’d lost your nerve… he was asking whether or not you and I… had…” Inuyasha nodded and she covered her face, making a sound of frustration and anger. He tried not to laugh as he heard her mutter, “Ooooo I could kill him.”
Some part of him was relieved that it didn’t sound as if disgust was among the mix of emotions. He snorted and told her half seriously, “say the word. I’ll make it happen. I might pound the jerk anyway.”
She took several deep breaths before she dropped her hands and looked out to sea. He watched her carefully; smelling fear and panic spike in her, and then fade a little as she worked to pull herself back together. Was the idea of sleeping with him that abhorrent? If that was the case then why didn’t she demand her own room? The thought made something in him twinge unpleasantly.
Kagome pulled her knees up tight to her chest again and didn’t say anything for several minutes. She seemed to have withdrawn, her thoughts directed inward. Inuyasha explained, a little nervously, “I didn’t have a lot of choice. It was take that calculated risk with a blood exchange, or watch you die.” He tried to lighten her mood a little, making his tone more joking, “you’re a beautiful woman but I swear I wasn’t trying to pull anything over on you.”
Kagome sucked in a breath and raised her head again; looking at him for a moment, then out at the ocean. “I know you weren’t.” Now she sounded as if the anger had drained away, and all that was left was weariness and confusion. She didn’t know why, but she believed him without reserve. Quietly, she asked, “why didn’t you let me die? You’ve saved my life twice now and you barely know me.”
She thought of asking the callous question of whether he’d given her his blood before or after she’d spilled the beans about the Shikon no Tama, but then realized it was pointless. He could say either way and she wouldn’t know the difference from her own fuzzy recollections.
He grinned a little and said, “yeah… but I don’t know how long I can keep up this rate. If you’re going to keep trying to snuff it- you’re going to have to start pacing the habit.” She smiled ruefully and met his gaze, clearly still waiting for an answer.
Inuyasha searched his mind for something to say that wouldn’t make him sound like an idiot. He frowned and said, “I couldn’t let you die. It’s not in me. I don’t understand it, but you feel familiar, like you matter… a lot.”
She frowned again, still looking at the ocean. She wouldn’t admit it out loud, tried not even to admit it to herself. But something in her felt like it opened up when he was near. This something warmed her, like a glowing seedling that spread its leaves wide to catch an undefinable something that he seemed to give off. Kagome clamped these thoughts down. On SO many levels she wasn’t in a position to explore a relationship of any kind, much less one with Inuyasha. There was work to do, and privately, she didn’t expect to survive the endeavor, so there was little point in putting herself or anyone else through that kind of pain.
As a way to deflect the conversation she asked, “are Sesshomaru and Rosie together?”
Inuyasha looked completely taken by surprise. “What? No.” Then after a moment he asked, “why?”
Kagome shrugged. “Just curious. I didn’t want to assume anything and be wrong.”
He seemed to chew on the thought a moment. “What made you ask?”
She attempted to isolate what had given her the impression of such closeness between the young woman and the powerful yokai. Finally she explained, “something about the way they are together. I don’t know… It seems like a part of his attention is always very aware of her and vice versa. I mean, differently than they are around the rest of you.”
Inuyasha shrugged. “He’s concerned I think. Things haven’t been easy for her, and now Naraku’s trying to track her down again. She’s a tough little thing but both of us are guilty of not realizing she was living in such a shit hole. We run things together, but on the whole, he holds the alpha position.” He paused here and said defensively, “and if you ever tell him I said that, I will swear up and down that you’re lying, on principle. I don’t want to be an alpha is all.”
Kagome’s lips twitched in a smile and he continued to explain. “An alpha that doesn’t notice when one of his pack is in trouble, or not getting something they need, is no alpha at all. It’s wrong to the bone. And even among alphas, he takes protecting what’s his very seriously.”
Kagome’s brow furrowed. “Like property?”
He shook his head. “Like family, pack, people who rely on you. It’s an alpha’s job to be worthy of that trust. And Sesshomaru was born to it. He’s a Dai-Yokai inu Lord.”
She frowned in confusion. “Are you one of these lords too then?”
Inuyasha shrugged dismissively. “Not… really. We’re half-brothers. My mother…” he frowned and clasped his hands together again. “My mother was human; it’s a long story. But I don’t think I would inherit the family title if he were to die or abdicate, not unless a majority of his vassals were to step forward and ask me to take it.” He snorted a little bitterly, scuffing his bare foot in the sand. “They owe me some allegiance, but an inheritance ain’t gonna happen, not with my mixed blood.”
Inuyasha shook his head and looked as if he found the idea distasteful. “It’s not like I’d want it anyway, too much trouble.”
Kagome looked up at him, a little sympathy softening her expression. “Because you’re half human and half demon you’re just cut out of the whole thing?”
He nodded once, explaining, “A hanyu is sort of an undesirable, sometimes almost a pariah in demon society. They have to earn ten times over every ounce of respect they’re given. A lot of the time, unless they’re carefully protected, they’re killed off before they live to adulthood.”
All at once Kagome looked outraged. “They’d kill a child just because they aren’t pure demon? That’s horrible!”
He looked up, studying her, a little surprised at her vehement indignation, and said evenly, “not many people think so. They’re seen as weak, detrimental and vulnerable. Mostly, they have to constantly have someone else’s protection until they can defend themselves and that’s no way to live, not as a demon. Go ahead and tell me with a straight face that humans have no problem accepting children with demon blood.”
Kagome’s brow furrowed again as she considered the question. Slowly she replied, “I imagine you’re probably right… but I really don’t know. You’re the first- what did you call yourself? A hanyu? You’re the first one I’ve ever actually met besides…” she trailed off suddenly and her face paled a little. She swallowed and finished quietly, “besides Naraku.”
Inuyasha sat bolt upright. “Naraku isn’t a full demon?”
Kagome chewed her lip a moment. “I don’t know for sure. I just know the only other time I’ve heard the term you just used was at a meeting I went to with Naraku, while he still trusted me. Another demon tried to welch on a deal they’d made and said he didn’t…”
She frowned, chewing her lip again, as if she didn’t want to repeat whatever it was she’d heard. “He didn’t what?” Inuyasha prodded.
Kagome sighed and said reluctantly, “he told Naraku that his honor didn’t require him to keep bargains with a filthy hanyu.” She eyed him carefully, as if she expected him to be angry, but he just snorted, adopting a somewhat bemused expression. “Keh- I bet Naraku liked that.”
Very quietly she said, “he ripped the man’s head off, right there in his office… I’ll never forget way it sounded.” Inuyasha grew serious again. She looked pale and small now, as if she had seen so much more than she’d ever wanted to. In that moment, she looked much older than her 19 years.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, because he could think of nothing else. There was nothing words could say that helped when those kinds of experiences were in your head for the rest of your life.
She ran her fingers through the sand, and finally she asked, “so your parents had to protect you then? You aren’t weak.” She said it as if there were no doubt, as if it was obvious, unquestionable fact, and the beast in his chest rumbled in satisfaction that she knew it so instinctively.
He shook his head, both disagreeing and agreeing with her. “No. My parents died when I was a kid. My father was fighting to protect my mother. Because he loved her, other powerful demons saw a weakness that could be exploited. He was the inu Dai-Yokai of western He had land, wealth, resources, and a lot of people and creatures who relied on him for protection. They called him The Great Dog General.”
“So he was an… alpha, an important one…” Kagome mused.
Inuyasha shrugged again. “I don’t know, something like that. Definitely he was an alpha. But his days were numbered from the time he left Sesshomaru’s mother, who was not his mate, but his official consort at the time, and mated Izayoi. Any demon that wanted to stake a claim on the western land had a human target, a way to get at him; not to mention the move was a big spit in the eye of tradition.”
“He must have loved her very much,” she murmured softly.
Inuyasha didn’t respond right away. After a minute he said uncertainly, “maybe. Someone told me once that a demon was never seen to have loved before the way he loved Mother. Love isn’t always something that’s considered in the choice of a mate among demons.”
She sensed his doubt and cocked her head in a way that invited him to continue. He confessed hesitantly, “I have to wonder… if he really loved her so much, wouldn’t he have wanted her to live, and be safe? She was the daughter of a Lord, even if it was one who’d lost most of his wealth. If my father had left her alone and let her marry some human, she might have lived a long, happy life.”
Kagome wiped the sand from her fingers and sighed softly. “I see. I guess I have your father to thank, one way or another.”
When he looked confused she said, “well, if he’d let her marry some human, they wouldn’t have had you, and I would have died already, and Naraku would have the jewel as long as it took to find someone else with enough spiritual power to help him use it.” She reflected for a moment on this. She was a little in awe that a decision two people had made more than 600 years ago, allegedly based purely on love, was the only reason she was alive right now to have this conversation. What must it be like to love someone so much, she wondered, to go against everything the world told them was right?
Inuyasha shrugged; he felt somewhat hollow now. He’d never laid out the story like this before, or voiced his private speculations about it. Kagome asked, “so did your brother protect you then, while you were still a kid?”
He let out a bitter laugh said, “Gods no. My mother died when I was little, and when she was gone her family turned me out. Mostly I just kept out of the way of other demons until I got big enough to defend myself. I lived on my own in the woods.” He felt his face get a little red again at the look of heartbreak on Kagome’s face. He’d never wanted pity from anyone before, and he didn’t now.
“It wasn’t a big deal.” He said gruffly. “I did fine.” He stood and brushed his pants off, reaching out to pull her to her feet. “We should get back.”
She took his hand and stood stiffly, stretching her legs. He caught her eye nervously as they began to walk back. “Are you mad?”
Kagome looked up at him speculatively. “You were going to tell me right?”
He nodded and she sighed, shrugging. “Then… I guess not. It’s better than the alternative... as long as you know we’re NOT engaged… or anything.” Inuyasha snorted in amusement and shook his head, not daring to comment and feeling as if he’d somehow dodged a bullet… a really big bullet. After they walked in silence a moment she asked, hesitantly, “have you ever had a mate? I know you said Sesshomaru had one.”
Inuyasha shook his head right away. “No. For lots of reasons, no.”
“Sesshomaru’s mate was human,” Kagome said, thinking out loud. “So Rin is… hanyu, like you? I’m sorry, is that a plain adjective or a derogatory term? I’m not trying to be offensive if it is.”
He nodded slowly. “Yes she is, and no, it’s not necessarily derogatory… I don’t think.” He frowned a little in thought. Before today he might have answered that differently, but it didn’t sound derogatory the way Kagome said it, so now he wasn’t sure.
He continued to say, “Rin will likely have an easier time, thank the gods, between the fact that she looks mostly human, and the way the world’s changed. She’ll always run into people that won’t like her for it, but on the whole, she should be safe. Sesshomaru’s very careful to protect her. So am And she’s growing up alongside humans, so she’ll know better how to act among them to get by. Besides-” he shot her a slightly mocking grin, “your people keep getting weirder with every decade that goes by. I bet no one notices a thing when she’s grown.”
Kagome smiled ruefully but shrugged a mild agreement. Her people, she thought with dry amusement, if only he knew how weird her people really were, even among humans. The only sound for a while was the surf rolling in and suddenly Inuyasha snorted with slightly darker laughter. “I never really thought about it, but his own pup being half human is pretty ironic.”
When Kagome raised an eyebrow, he just shook his head. “Never mind. Is there anyone for you?” he asked. He tried to sound only faintly interested, but he wasn’t at all sure he managed it.
Kagome shook her head. “No.” Then, feeling guilty with the one word answer in view of all he’d shared, she went on to explain. “I never really had time to get to know anyone like that. When I was a kid I used to think I wanted to get married and have several children. But you have to meet someone first, and I was always busy with school, and the shrine and everything else, especially after Mama died, and I was working constantly with my father and uncle, and then Dad was killed… and the business with Naraku started.”
Inuyasha considered all that for a moment and asked curiously, “what about now?”
She looked at him in confusion. “Now?”
“Yeah- you said you used to. Do you still want a mate… and kids? Down the road, I mean. It’s not like you don’t still have the rest of your life. You’re only nineteen.”
Kagome went pale and for a second looked as if she was going to be ill. He frowned, unable to fathom the abrupt change. He was about to ask if she was alright when she swallowed and finally answered, “I don’t know.” A bitter sound escaped her, a hand dropping to her abdomen unconsciously as she admitted, “part of me does I guess, but I don’t know if I can-” she broke off and cleared her throat, trying to dislodge the small lump that was trying to form there.
She took a shuddering breath and crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t want to talk about it, if you don’t mind.”
Inuyasha could sense the cocktail of fear and nerves rising in her again and decided he’d better steer the conversation elsewhere. He remembered a thought he’d had that morning and he stopped walking to turn and look at her. They were only about twenty yards from the others now. “Alright… change of subject. I need to know something, if you can tell me.”
She looked wary, arms still crossed but nodded and he went on. “You’re a Miko, but how much training have you had?”
She frowned and shrugged. “I don’t know. How much is much?”
Scowling a little, he tried to remember. “A long time ago,” he told her. “It meant years of study and practice with an active priest or priestess. Mikos and the monks like them were protectors and healers. They were very important to the human villages they belonged to.”
Kagome, slightly nonplussed, said, “well… I wouldn’t say I’ve had years and years of training in anything but, reading, writing, arithmetic, and counter-larceny practices. I think my grandparents started teaching me about the magic stuff when I was 13 years old, but not really with my being a practicing Miko in mind.” She paused, another one of those thoughtful ‘is he allowed to know this or not’ pauses. He did his best to look unthreatening, trustworthy, whatever that meant, and he must have passed muster because she went on to say, “I have other work. It was mostly Souta who was being groomed for guardianship of the jewel, when he was older.”
Inuyasha frowned at this information, knowing he was missing a big part of the picture. “Do you control your power completely?”
“Yes.” Her eyes searched his face again, as if still unsure of how much she wanted to share. Then she said, “it’s a long story, but my powers are a little different from a traditional Japanese Miko, like my grandmother. Some of my power came from her, through my father, and some came from an entirely different line of practitioners through my grandfather. To answer what I think you’re getting at, yes, I know how to use my abilities.”
Inuyasha was still frowning. “Actually, I was thinking along the lines of accidental power spills. When I was trying to get my blood to you, the magic kept zapping me. I was almost sure it was automatic response, because by then you were pretty well checked out, but I need to know your power won’t accidentally hurt anyone with demon blood… like Rin or Shippo.”
Kagome’s eyes widened at the thought and she shook her head. “Absolutely not. I’ve had full reign over it since I was 14.” She looked in the fading daylight to where the kids were building a sand castle and he saw a confusing, indescribable emotion take over her features for a moment. There was anxiety and fear, but also confusion and almost a longing as she said, “I don’t think I could never hurt a child, no matter what kind they are.”
“I know, not on purpose, he said. “But I need you to remember that if it slips away from you accidently here, it could hurt them, and they’re too young to understand it easily. And between the two of them, Shippo’s the only one with any active power to defend himself.”
She frowned and wrapped her arms around her middle. “The only times I’ve consciously used it to hurt anyone alive was …” and she paused and turned to look back the direction they had just come, swallowing hard. “Was when I was trying to keep him- and his demons away from me. It was when I started doing that they put me on something.” Her hand unconsciously rubbed at the bend in her elbow where the bruising from an IV line was still healing. “It made my brain foggy and I couldn’t feel my hands and feet. With narcotics in my system it was much harder to call up the energy, sometimes impossible.”
Inuyasha pondered this, trying to keep his angry at these thoughts from leaking into his voice. “So you weren’t shocking me on purpose then.” He grinned ruefully and licked his dry lips, remembering the taste of her mouth, and her blood. She looked so troubled at the thought that Inuyasha couldn’t help himself. He reached up, and then scowled when she flinched before his approaching hand.
“Sorry,” she murmured, while he brushed some errant strands of hair from her face. He shook his head. “I believe you. I don’t think you’d hurt anyone unless you thought you didn’t have a choice.”
***
Inuyasha pulled in a deep breath, feeling warm and comfortable. The smell of Kagome filled his nose and he opened his eyes, realizing there was a slight weight against his side. The young woman had rolled in her sleep until she was curled against him, still wrapped tightly in the comforter. He carefully moved his arm down around her and she made a small, sighing sound, adjusting herself a little, leaning her head against his shoulder and sliding one arm up to settle against his chest. He hesitated for a moment in surprise. But her face was calm and even, and she was still asleep.
He relaxed back against his pillow, holding her to him, strangely enjoying this warm, relaxed feeling for now. The television was still playing nearly silent cartoons. The program had changed to some old episode of the looney toons and Marvin the Martian was firing up a rocket ship. Inuyasha’s eyes fell back down to Kagome. It was amazing, he thought, that she wasn't roasting or dripping in sweat. She was still wrapped up in the zippered sweater as well as the blanket. He was laying on top of the covers and was almost too warm; though to be fair, he was willing to admit his body temperature might have gone up a degree or two after she’d snuggled up to him.
Inuyasha wondered what time it was, and twisted to reach his phone on the floor next to the bed. Usually it was just him here, so there had never been a reason to put a night stand on the other side of the bed. He flipped the phone on and the digital readout informed him it was a quarter after five. He heard Kagome's sharp intake of breath and felt her stiffen under his arm. He set the phone on the bed next to him and looked down at her, calmly affirming, "it's alright. You're fine."
She blinked stormy gray eyes open to look up at him, lifted her head, and glanced around the room. She relaxed a little and made a small sound, clearing her throat and rasping out, "sorry."
He shrugged, remaining relaxed and leaving his arm around her. "No worries."
She seemed to think for a long moment, her eyes studying his face. Whatever she found there must have reassured her to some extent; because she lay her head back on his shoulder and let loose a soft sigh. He felt her tense muscles relax a bit and he let out the breath of his own that he hadn't known he’d been holding, waiting for her reaction. They lay like that for several minutes, the quiet room wrapping around them comfortably. Then there was a loud gurgling sound.
Kagome's cheeks went red and Inuyasha snorted out a laugh, looking down at her again. "I don't think I've ever heard a human gut sound that loud."
She smiled a little reluctantly and shrugged, glancing up at him. He almost frowned at the slightly bitter edge to the expression. It had been fleeting, but definitely there, and it puzzled him. Kagome’s stomach let out another, slightly quieter plea for dinner, and his ear twitched at the small sound. He saw her eyes flick up to his ears at the movement and remembered her fascination with them that morning. Those fingers were lying against his chest now, and she bit her lip, closed her hand into a loose fist, as if curtailing the urge to reach up to pat them again. Her eyes fell back to his and he quietly gave her permission. "Go ahead. You can touch them if you want. I swear I won't bite."
She looked a little nervous and he wondered if she was remembering what he’d stupidly said the last time. Part of him wanted to jump in and reassure her again, but he held his peace, waiting to see how she would process the situation for herself. He was rewarded when she sat up on her elbow and slowly reached for his ears. Inuyasha closed his eyes as he felt her warm fingers gently running over each ear… and as a pleasantly surprising side effect of her position, her breasts, though tightly contained in a sports bra, pressed against his side. The feeling made him want to groan and his ears twitched against her fingertips.
Kagome smiled a little as her fingers slid along the silken white fur. When she saw his eyes close she let herself watch his face, as he clearly enjoyed her touch. She was just barely leaned over him as she rubbed his ears, letting her fingers brush through his long, thick silver hair. When he opened his eyes she realized she’d somehow gotten closer to him, and she paused. She pulled her hand down and leaned back, though his arm was still curled around her, so she didn't have much room for retreat. Her eyes dropped to his mouth for a moment and she unconsciously licked her own dry lips. There was a somewhat jarring shock to her system as she realized she almost wanted to kiss him. She almost felt it would be easy to kiss him now, laying here like this.
He smiled a little and she could just see the tips of his fangs. It didn't have the effect on her it normally would have, but between one memory and another, it was more than enough to yank her mind back to its proper place. She pulled in a deep breath and then the silence was broken again by her empty stomach’s complaints. She was indeed hungry. ‘Thank the gods for growling stomachs,’ she thought.
When Inuyasha heard her stomach rumble he took the opportunity to lighten the mood. He snorted again at the loud gurgling sound. "I guess we should feed you."
For half a moment, he’d wondered if she might actually kiss him. The way she was looking at him she had to be thinking about it. He’d smelled the very faintest hint of arousal in her, but it was tinged with sour fear and nerves and that made his chest tighten in a strange, unhappy way. It unsettled him that the first time he should catch that scent from her, it was marred by such dark overtones. He didn't miss the change in her eyes as his lips pulled away from his teeth. That change in her hit him like cold water to the face. They sat up, and he swung his legs off the bed, muttering, "I'll be right back."
He closed the bathroom door behind him, sighing heavily as he ran a brush through his hair, pulling most of it into a sloppy braided tail, and rinsed his face. The half demon that looked back at him from the mirror looked no different than he had for a long time. He bared his teeth, looking at the sharp canines, and wondered for a moment if she’d always responded this way to demons, or if it was only since she’d been with Naraku's gang. They certainly wouldn't have given her reason to think she could trust a demon, or be safe around one, but something in her manner made him think there’d been some measure of prejudice to begin with.
Big surprise; if she had any miko training, it was more likely than not that she’d been taught that demons were nothing but monsters. While he admitted this was true in many instances, it was by no means an absolute rule. Demons could be just as varied as humans.
He wondered again if she could tell that he was hanyu. Would being half human help him in this rare instance? Usually it was nothing but a handicap to be overcome. He allowed himself just a short moment to wallow in a memory from a very long time past. There had been only once in his adult life that he’d wanted to trade his demon blood to become a full human. And that had backfired in a way that still put his teeth on edge. Still, something in his heart hurt when faced with the fact that it was the demon in him that seemed to scare her. Sesshomaru had said there was potential for a mate bond, but how could that ever happen when she seemed to feel she wasn’t even allowed to truly be friends with him?
It was with mild surprise that he now realized he’d never even considered the thought of whether or not he wanted a mate. He’d never imagined the issue would come up. Nobody, human or demon generally wanted to bond that way with a hanyu. A Halfer like him was good for the occasional romp in the sheets or a wild night out, but not to keep around long term. He’d accepted that by now, had lived with it, even occasionally enjoyed it.
Something about her presence had slipped into place inside him, smoothed sore edges in him that he hadn’t realized were there. It was as if they were designed to be connected, like magnets that had only been waiting to get close enough to start pulling together. Sure, he’d been lonely sometimes, but on the whole he was good at being alone. Should he just let her continue to draw away from him? Or would he regret it if he didn’t try to get closer, if he let her drift away and live out her life away from the Wardens? Would that be safer for her… or more dangerous?
Taking a mate, giving that much to someone, it left you in danger of losing yourself if anything happened to them, or if they chose to leave. He’d watched the process nearly kill his brother, whom he’d thought to be the most emotionally isolated creature on the planet until the last eighty years or so. He shook himself from his introspection and put it aside. Continuing to rake these thoughts over the coals wasn’t going to solve anything.
Inuyasha wiped his face on a towel and re-entered the bedroom to find Kagome sitting on the bed with her legs stretched out, bending down to touch her toes with a grimace of discomfort. He frowned a little. "How're you feeling’?" She shrugged and nodded, her fingers meeting her toes once more and stood, gingerly testing her healing leg.
"How's your throat?"
She bit her lip and one of her hands flew up to her neck. Her brows drew together and she shrugged, murmuring, "a little better all the time."
He moved to his bedside table and pulled a small flashlight from the drawer. It had come with a key chain knife that he'd bought, but as he could see well in the dark, he'd almost never used it. He flicked it on now and stood in front of her, ordering gently, "open up and let me see."
She looked a little surprised but, after a moment, opened her mouth wide. Making sure she could see him coming towards her slowly, he lay one hand against her neck, his thumb moving her lip a little so he could see better. He frowned at the red, swollen tissue at the back of her throat. This was what it looked like after it had healed up a lot, so it must have looked like grated meat a few days ago.
He swore and turned the flashlight off, tossing it back in the drawer. "Yeah- that looks like it hurts. Should we go see if we can find you something to eat? I'm hungry too." She nodded slowly, making her way to the bathroom to straighten her sleep-rumpled self.
When Inuyasha and Kagome walked into the kitchen Rosalind was prepping the last bit of ground beef. Sesshomaru stood with his arms crossed, leaning against the counter next to the red head while they spoke. Rosalind smiled and set the large bowl in the sink as she said, “hey guys, dinner will be in about an forty minutes-ish, Koga’s setting up the grill down on the beach since the weather’s nice.”
Inuyasha opened the fridge, grabbing a small cup of yogurt as he said, “sounds like a plan to me.” He grabbed a spoon from a drawer and handed it and the yogurt to Kagome. “Is vanilla okay?”
Kagome took the offering and nodded, mouthing, “thank you.” She leaned against a pantry door and slowly ate the yogurt, watching as Rosalind pulled out a huge bag of frozen, thick-cut french fries and set it next to the hamburger fixings. Everyone went quiet when there came a crackling sound from Inuyasha’s pocket and he pulled out the cell phone and the walkie talkie.
For a moment he just held them, ears perked up and listening, but they just heard a few footsteps, some muttering about a basketball game, and the opening and closing of a door. The sound came from the walkie talkie. He shoved them back in his pockets and said, “someone must have come home in one of the apartments down the hall from yours. At least we know how well the bugs pick up now from a distance.”
Rosalind’s lips twisted into a stiff smile. “It sounded like Mason. He’s my next-door neighbor.” Her tone suggested she hadn’t been thrilled with the fact and Sesshomaru’s expression stilled noticeably. The brother’s traded looks for a moment before Inuyash asked carefully, “Mason hugh? What do you know about him?”
The red head shrugged her shoulders, occupying her hands with loading the food and grilling tools into a box. “Not much. With the hours I worked we passed each other in the hall most mornings. He was usually coming home late and I was leaving early. He’s a sports nut. I bet he’d trade his grandmother for courtside seats.”
Sesshomaru’s eyes narrowed just the smallest amount. “How many neighbors did you have?”
Rosalind thought a moment before she replied. “Mason lives in the apartment next to mine, and the unit across the hall had four college guys in it, but I think all the others on my floor were empty.”
Inuyasha pulled a stool up to sit at the counter, snagging an apple out of the bag that still lay on the counter. “How long since this Mason guy moved in? How well did you know him?”
Rosalind snorted with laughter and said, “Mason asked me out about a dozen times, but here was never anything between us, if that’s what you’re asking. He moved in about a year and a half ago.”
Both sets of golden eyes seemed to study her then for a moment and she finally set down the bottles of ketchup and mustard with a thunk to demand, “what are you looking at me like that for?”
Sesshomaru didn’t answer and Inuyasha seemed to flounder for a second. Kagome decided to break the tension with a calculated inquiry. She wasn’t positive, but she thought she knew what was on Inuyasha’s mind at least. There was something in both men that spoke of a great deal of protective instinct and the conversation had rolled around to an unknown male living in close proximity with a female they considered family, in one sense or another. “Was he a skeeze?” she asked, trying sound as if she were half joking.
Rosalind’s lips quirked in amusement and she pondered the question. “He was a little strange but I wouldn’t call him a skeeze. He was nice enough, maybe a little dim though. I just don’t date. It took him a long time to believe I wasn’t just messing with him.”
Kagome cocked her head curiously and Rosalind just shrugged, smiled a little ruefully, and changed the subject. “Do we want to grab a folding table and the camp chairs or do you guys want to just picnic on blankets?”
Sesshomaru strode to the large closet in the hall and pulled out a long folding table that had a hinge in the middle. He and Inuyasha took six camp chairs each, slinging the straps in sets of three over each shoulder. Rosalind picked up the box in which she’d packed the food and an array of other grilling necessities. Kagome tossed her empty yogurt cup in the trash and her voice sounded as if it might be approaching something like a simple sore throat as she asked, “can I help carry anything?”
Rosalind gave her a grateful smile and nodded her chin at the counter. “If you could grab the bag of fries and the bags of hamburger buns, we’ll be able to get nearly everything in one trip. Thanks.”
Kagome pulled the items into her arms and followed them out of the house. For late March the weather was warm this evening. A light breeze played across her skin as they stepped outside and she pulled the door closed behind her. The group made their way down the path to the beach. There was a wide sandy swath of shoreline about 20 paces from the path’s end where Koga and Ayame had set up the grill, which was smoking through the grate in the lid.
The wolf demons were standing near it, watching as Kohaku pretended to chase Rin and Shippo. The kids ran in and out of the chilly surf; yelling, laughing and splashing each other. Koga took the folding table from them and pulled the legs out, setting it upright while Ayame began to open camp chairs. Rosalind set down her box and pulled out what she needed at the grill, laying it all out at one end of the table top.
Kagome set her load down as well, placing the bags of bread in a neat row. When she walked by Koga she heard him pull air through his nose in a pronounced sniff. She turned to glance over her shoulder at him and he gave her a strange look, brows raised as he commented, “well- that’s interesting.”
She looked uneasily to Inuyasha, wondering what on earth this was about. Inuyasha glared at Koga and muttered, “shut up wolf.” Koga gave him a cocky grin. “What’s the matter mutt face? Get halfway through and lose your nerve? Not demon enough to finish the job?”
Everyone standing around the table went still as a snarling growl came from somewhere deep in Inuyasha’s chest. “Not what happened, and it’s none of your business. Leave her alone.”
Koga just smirked at Kagome, as if he couldn’t care less if Inuyasha got pissed off. She frowned and looked from him to Inuyasha again, who had now come to stand close next to her. His muscles were tensed, as if he was prepared to launch himself at Koga. This was the first time she’d really seen him angry and she realized suddenly how carefully even tempered he’d been around her. She tried not to let herself sink back into fear as she asked hoarsely, “what’s he talking about?”
Inuyasha clenched his teeth. He hadn’t had an opening yet to bring it up and this was hardly the easiest way to explain the issue. When he didn’t answer right away, her frown deepened and she looked back at Koga, crossing her arms over her chest in irritation, a little snap in her tone. “What?”
Ayame glared at Koga now too, cutting him off when he opened his mouth. “He’s talking about your scent. It’s changed since the first time we saw you, but the rest of us have the manners not to mention it.” With that she reached out and smacked Koga in the back of the head. He stepped away rubbing his head, but his blue eyes still danced with his own personal entertainment and a little indignation. “Doesn’t she have a right to know if he hasn’t told her anything?”
The she-wolf shot him a look and replied, “yes- but I’m sure he was going to explain it to her. Things have been a little hectic.” She transferred her glare to Inuyasha then. “You were going to explain it to her right? Any demon she walks in front of can smell it.”
Inuyasha caught the trace of fear entering Kagome’s scent, along with a mire of other confused emotions. She gave him a look that could only be called thunderous and he almost flinched. She looked like she was about to scream. He stepped around the table to stand toe to toe with Koga, growling through clenched teeth, “I’ll kick your ass later, when the kids aren’t around.”
Koga just let out an unconcerned snort. “Whatever dog breath. Take your best shot.”
Inuyasha nearly looked like he was going to hit the man anyway, but instead turned back to Kagome. “Come on, I’ll explain what this idiot is yammering on about.”
Kagome strode quickly after him, keeping a defined distance between them as they walked down the shore. She felt herself getting angrier the longer he stayed silent. Finally after they were about a hundred yards down the beach she planted her feet in the sand. “Inuyasha tell me what he’s talking about; what about my smell?”
Inuyasha stopped and turned reluctantly, sliding his hands into his pockets. After a moment he met her distrustful gaze and said, “you smell like me.”
Her brow wrinkled, clearly confused. He sighed and ran a hand into his hair for a second. He took a seat on a low stone outcrop and gestured for her to do the same. For a moment she just stood there, still looking angry, but then relented so far as to sit on the dry sand in front of him, wrapping her arms around her knees and pulling them tightly to her chest.
“Yesterday, when you were shot…” he started, but he broke off, feeling his chest tighten again, as it did every time he remembered the event.
When she frowned at him he leaned forward, elbows on his knees, hands clasped together and continued. “I called Sesshomaru to bring the Tenseiga. It’s sort of a… special… heirloom; it can bring someone back from the brink of death. But he was here in and you were losing blood so fast.”
Her expression softened a little and she dropped her eyes to the stone next to him as he spoke. “We were trying to keep you awake but you were getting so cold. Do you remember? You told me you couldn’t feel your legs. That’s when I knew you weren’t going to make it long enough for Sesshomaru to get to us.”
Dark brows drew together as she remembered bits and pieces of the experience, and she nodded. Kagome thought briefly to herself that if he’d let her go, she wouldn’t have to worry about any of this mess anymore. It would have been over. She banished that darkness as soon as she recognized it for what it was: the easy way out, among other things.
Inuyasha ran his hands over his face a moment and said, “I gave you a large dose of my blood, made you swallow it. Demon blood can either kill a human, or make them stronger. It’s a risk. I hoped…” He took a deep breath and admitted, “I hoped that since I’m half human, the chances that it would help you, rather than hurt you would be high enough.”
He looked back to her now and their eyes met. He could see her surprise. Slowly she nodded again, murmuring, “I guess it worked?”
Inuyasha snorted. “Keh- beautifully. You came right back for the most part. The bleeding slowed a lot, but it spiked your temperature really high. That was starting to worry me by the time Sesshomaru got there.”
“And a demon can smell that, your blood? Still?” she asked thoughtfully.
Inuyasha nodded once. “Any demon with half a nose will be able to smell some of my scent in yours.”
She pondered this for a minute before she asked, “for how long?”
He shrugged uncomfortably. “I’m not sure. I’ve never done it before. Might be days, might be weeks, could be months. If we do nothing else, it should wear off eventually.”
She raised an eyebrow, silently inviting him to elaborate. His cheeks went a little red and he was unable to look her in the eye as he explained, “a blood exchange is arguably one of the most important parts of the process demons use when they take a mate.”
Her face went completely blank with shock. “A… mate?”
He nodded slowly, ears laid back as if waiting for an explosion, then looked at her again out of the corner of his eye. The waiting for a response was killing him already. She dropped her knees into a cross legged position and sat forward. “So…any demon who smells me is going to think you’re my… my what… husband?”
Kagome’s voice had a halfway hysterical edge to it and Inuyasha tread carefully. She was still so surprised he couldn’t tell yet if she was angry. “Sort of…” he continued. “I guess it would translate more like fiancé. We can smell the difference between the blood exchange alone and a fully mated pair, though it’s highly unusual to come across that kind of thing.”
“So when Koga asked if you’d lost your nerve… he was asking whether or not you and I… had…” Inuyasha nodded and she covered her face, making a sound of frustration and anger. He tried not to laugh as he heard her mutter, “Ooooo I could kill him.”
Some part of him was relieved that it didn’t sound as if disgust was among the mix of emotions. He snorted and told her half seriously, “say the word. I’ll make it happen. I might pound the jerk anyway.”
She took several deep breaths before she dropped her hands and looked out to sea. He watched her carefully; smelling fear and panic spike in her, and then fade a little as she worked to pull herself back together. Was the idea of sleeping with him that abhorrent? If that was the case then why didn’t she demand her own room? The thought made something in him twinge unpleasantly.
Kagome pulled her knees up tight to her chest again and didn’t say anything for several minutes. She seemed to have withdrawn, her thoughts directed inward. Inuyasha explained, a little nervously, “I didn’t have a lot of choice. It was take that calculated risk with a blood exchange, or watch you die.” He tried to lighten her mood a little, making his tone more joking, “you’re a beautiful woman but I swear I wasn’t trying to pull anything over on you.”
Kagome sucked in a breath and raised her head again; looking at him for a moment, then out at the ocean. “I know you weren’t.” Now she sounded as if the anger had drained away, and all that was left was weariness and confusion. She didn’t know why, but she believed him without reserve. Quietly, she asked, “why didn’t you let me die? You’ve saved my life twice now and you barely know me.”
She thought of asking the callous question of whether he’d given her his blood before or after she’d spilled the beans about the Shikon no Tama, but then realized it was pointless. He could say either way and she wouldn’t know the difference from her own fuzzy recollections.
He grinned a little and said, “yeah… but I don’t know how long I can keep up this rate. If you’re going to keep trying to snuff it- you’re going to have to start pacing the habit.” She smiled ruefully and met his gaze, clearly still waiting for an answer.
Inuyasha searched his mind for something to say that wouldn’t make him sound like an idiot. He frowned and said, “I couldn’t let you die. It’s not in me. I don’t understand it, but you feel familiar, like you matter… a lot.”
She frowned again, still looking at the ocean. She wouldn’t admit it out loud, tried not even to admit it to herself. But something in her felt like it opened up when he was near. This something warmed her, like a glowing seedling that spread its leaves wide to catch an undefinable something that he seemed to give off. Kagome clamped these thoughts down. On SO many levels she wasn’t in a position to explore a relationship of any kind, much less one with Inuyasha. There was work to do, and privately, she didn’t expect to survive the endeavor, so there was little point in putting herself or anyone else through that kind of pain.
As a way to deflect the conversation she asked, “are Sesshomaru and Rosie together?”
Inuyasha looked completely taken by surprise. “What? No.” Then after a moment he asked, “why?”
Kagome shrugged. “Just curious. I didn’t want to assume anything and be wrong.”
He seemed to chew on the thought a moment. “What made you ask?”
She attempted to isolate what had given her the impression of such closeness between the young woman and the powerful yokai. Finally she explained, “something about the way they are together. I don’t know… It seems like a part of his attention is always very aware of her and vice versa. I mean, differently than they are around the rest of you.”
Inuyasha shrugged. “He’s concerned I think. Things haven’t been easy for her, and now Naraku’s trying to track her down again. She’s a tough little thing but both of us are guilty of not realizing she was living in such a shit hole. We run things together, but on the whole, he holds the alpha position.” He paused here and said defensively, “and if you ever tell him I said that, I will swear up and down that you’re lying, on principle. I don’t want to be an alpha is all.”
Kagome’s lips twitched in a smile and he continued to explain. “An alpha that doesn’t notice when one of his pack is in trouble, or not getting something they need, is no alpha at all. It’s wrong to the bone. And even among alphas, he takes protecting what’s his very seriously.”
Kagome’s brow furrowed. “Like property?”
He shook his head. “Like family, pack, people who rely on you. It’s an alpha’s job to be worthy of that trust. And Sesshomaru was born to it. He’s a Dai-Yokai inu Lord.”
She frowned in confusion. “Are you one of these lords too then?”
Inuyasha shrugged dismissively. “Not… really. We’re half-brothers. My mother…” he frowned and clasped his hands together again. “My mother was human; it’s a long story. But I don’t think I would inherit the family title if he were to die or abdicate, not unless a majority of his vassals were to step forward and ask me to take it.” He snorted a little bitterly, scuffing his bare foot in the sand. “They owe me some allegiance, but an inheritance ain’t gonna happen, not with my mixed blood.”
Inuyasha shook his head and looked as if he found the idea distasteful. “It’s not like I’d want it anyway, too much trouble.”
Kagome looked up at him, a little sympathy softening her expression. “Because you’re half human and half demon you’re just cut out of the whole thing?”
He nodded once, explaining, “A hanyu is sort of an undesirable, sometimes almost a pariah in demon society. They have to earn ten times over every ounce of respect they’re given. A lot of the time, unless they’re carefully protected, they’re killed off before they live to adulthood.”
All at once Kagome looked outraged. “They’d kill a child just because they aren’t pure demon? That’s horrible!”
He looked up, studying her, a little surprised at her vehement indignation, and said evenly, “not many people think so. They’re seen as weak, detrimental and vulnerable. Mostly, they have to constantly have someone else’s protection until they can defend themselves and that’s no way to live, not as a demon. Go ahead and tell me with a straight face that humans have no problem accepting children with demon blood.”
Kagome’s brow furrowed again as she considered the question. Slowly she replied, “I imagine you’re probably right… but I really don’t know. You’re the first- what did you call yourself? A hanyu? You’re the first one I’ve ever actually met besides…” she trailed off suddenly and her face paled a little. She swallowed and finished quietly, “besides Naraku.”
Inuyasha sat bolt upright. “Naraku isn’t a full demon?”
Kagome chewed her lip a moment. “I don’t know for sure. I just know the only other time I’ve heard the term you just used was at a meeting I went to with Naraku, while he still trusted me. Another demon tried to welch on a deal they’d made and said he didn’t…”
She frowned, chewing her lip again, as if she didn’t want to repeat whatever it was she’d heard. “He didn’t what?” Inuyasha prodded.
Kagome sighed and said reluctantly, “he told Naraku that his honor didn’t require him to keep bargains with a filthy hanyu.” She eyed him carefully, as if she expected him to be angry, but he just snorted, adopting a somewhat bemused expression. “Keh- I bet Naraku liked that.”
Very quietly she said, “he ripped the man’s head off, right there in his office… I’ll never forget way it sounded.” Inuyasha grew serious again. She looked pale and small now, as if she had seen so much more than she’d ever wanted to. In that moment, she looked much older than her 19 years.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, because he could think of nothing else. There was nothing words could say that helped when those kinds of experiences were in your head for the rest of your life.
She ran her fingers through the sand, and finally she asked, “so your parents had to protect you then? You aren’t weak.” She said it as if there were no doubt, as if it was obvious, unquestionable fact, and the beast in his chest rumbled in satisfaction that she knew it so instinctively.
He shook his head, both disagreeing and agreeing with her. “No. My parents died when I was a kid. My father was fighting to protect my mother. Because he loved her, other powerful demons saw a weakness that could be exploited. He was the inu Dai-Yokai of western He had land, wealth, resources, and a lot of people and creatures who relied on him for protection. They called him The Great Dog General.”
“So he was an… alpha, an important one…” Kagome mused.
Inuyasha shrugged again. “I don’t know, something like that. Definitely he was an alpha. But his days were numbered from the time he left Sesshomaru’s mother, who was not his mate, but his official consort at the time, and mated Izayoi. Any demon that wanted to stake a claim on the western land had a human target, a way to get at him; not to mention the move was a big spit in the eye of tradition.”
“He must have loved her very much,” she murmured softly.
Inuyasha didn’t respond right away. After a minute he said uncertainly, “maybe. Someone told me once that a demon was never seen to have loved before the way he loved Mother. Love isn’t always something that’s considered in the choice of a mate among demons.”
She sensed his doubt and cocked her head in a way that invited him to continue. He confessed hesitantly, “I have to wonder… if he really loved her so much, wouldn’t he have wanted her to live, and be safe? She was the daughter of a Lord, even if it was one who’d lost most of his wealth. If my father had left her alone and let her marry some human, she might have lived a long, happy life.”
Kagome wiped the sand from her fingers and sighed softly. “I see. I guess I have your father to thank, one way or another.”
When he looked confused she said, “well, if he’d let her marry some human, they wouldn’t have had you, and I would have died already, and Naraku would have the jewel as long as it took to find someone else with enough spiritual power to help him use it.” She reflected for a moment on this. She was a little in awe that a decision two people had made more than 600 years ago, allegedly based purely on love, was the only reason she was alive right now to have this conversation. What must it be like to love someone so much, she wondered, to go against everything the world told them was right?
Inuyasha shrugged; he felt somewhat hollow now. He’d never laid out the story like this before, or voiced his private speculations about it. Kagome asked, “so did your brother protect you then, while you were still a kid?”
He let out a bitter laugh said, “Gods no. My mother died when I was little, and when she was gone her family turned me out. Mostly I just kept out of the way of other demons until I got big enough to defend myself. I lived on my own in the woods.” He felt his face get a little red again at the look of heartbreak on Kagome’s face. He’d never wanted pity from anyone before, and he didn’t now.
“It wasn’t a big deal.” He said gruffly. “I did fine.” He stood and brushed his pants off, reaching out to pull her to her feet. “We should get back.”
She took his hand and stood stiffly, stretching her legs. He caught her eye nervously as they began to walk back. “Are you mad?”
Kagome looked up at him speculatively. “You were going to tell me right?”
He nodded and she sighed, shrugging. “Then… I guess not. It’s better than the alternative... as long as you know we’re NOT engaged… or anything.” Inuyasha snorted in amusement and shook his head, not daring to comment and feeling as if he’d somehow dodged a bullet… a really big bullet. After they walked in silence a moment she asked, hesitantly, “have you ever had a mate? I know you said Sesshomaru had one.”
Inuyasha shook his head right away. “No. For lots of reasons, no.”
“Sesshomaru’s mate was human,” Kagome said, thinking out loud. “So Rin is… hanyu, like you? I’m sorry, is that a plain adjective or a derogatory term? I’m not trying to be offensive if it is.”
He nodded slowly. “Yes she is, and no, it’s not necessarily derogatory… I don’t think.” He frowned a little in thought. Before today he might have answered that differently, but it didn’t sound derogatory the way Kagome said it, so now he wasn’t sure.
He continued to say, “Rin will likely have an easier time, thank the gods, between the fact that she looks mostly human, and the way the world’s changed. She’ll always run into people that won’t like her for it, but on the whole, she should be safe. Sesshomaru’s very careful to protect her. So am And she’s growing up alongside humans, so she’ll know better how to act among them to get by. Besides-” he shot her a slightly mocking grin, “your people keep getting weirder with every decade that goes by. I bet no one notices a thing when she’s grown.”
Kagome smiled ruefully but shrugged a mild agreement. Her people, she thought with dry amusement, if only he knew how weird her people really were, even among humans. The only sound for a while was the surf rolling in and suddenly Inuyasha snorted with slightly darker laughter. “I never really thought about it, but his own pup being half human is pretty ironic.”
When Kagome raised an eyebrow, he just shook his head. “Never mind. Is there anyone for you?” he asked. He tried to sound only faintly interested, but he wasn’t at all sure he managed it.
Kagome shook her head. “No.” Then, feeling guilty with the one word answer in view of all he’d shared, she went on to explain. “I never really had time to get to know anyone like that. When I was a kid I used to think I wanted to get married and have several children. But you have to meet someone first, and I was always busy with school, and the shrine and everything else, especially after Mama died, and I was working constantly with my father and uncle, and then Dad was killed… and the business with Naraku started.”
Inuyasha considered all that for a moment and asked curiously, “what about now?”
She looked at him in confusion. “Now?”
“Yeah- you said you used to. Do you still want a mate… and kids? Down the road, I mean. It’s not like you don’t still have the rest of your life. You’re only nineteen.”
Kagome went pale and for a second looked as if she was going to be ill. He frowned, unable to fathom the abrupt change. He was about to ask if she was alright when she swallowed and finally answered, “I don’t know.” A bitter sound escaped her, a hand dropping to her abdomen unconsciously as she admitted, “part of me does I guess, but I don’t know if I can-” she broke off and cleared her throat, trying to dislodge the small lump that was trying to form there.
She took a shuddering breath and crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t want to talk about it, if you don’t mind.”
Inuyasha could sense the cocktail of fear and nerves rising in her again and decided he’d better steer the conversation elsewhere. He remembered a thought he’d had that morning and he stopped walking to turn and look at her. They were only about twenty yards from the others now. “Alright… change of subject. I need to know something, if you can tell me.”
She looked wary, arms still crossed but nodded and he went on. “You’re a Miko, but how much training have you had?”
She frowned and shrugged. “I don’t know. How much is much?”
Scowling a little, he tried to remember. “A long time ago,” he told her. “It meant years of study and practice with an active priest or priestess. Mikos and the monks like them were protectors and healers. They were very important to the human villages they belonged to.”
Kagome, slightly nonplussed, said, “well… I wouldn’t say I’ve had years and years of training in anything but, reading, writing, arithmetic, and counter-larceny practices. I think my grandparents started teaching me about the magic stuff when I was 13 years old, but not really with my being a practicing Miko in mind.” She paused, another one of those thoughtful ‘is he allowed to know this or not’ pauses. He did his best to look unthreatening, trustworthy, whatever that meant, and he must have passed muster because she went on to say, “I have other work. It was mostly Souta who was being groomed for guardianship of the jewel, when he was older.”
Inuyasha frowned at this information, knowing he was missing a big part of the picture. “Do you control your power completely?”
“Yes.” Her eyes searched his face again, as if still unsure of how much she wanted to share. Then she said, “it’s a long story, but my powers are a little different from a traditional Japanese Miko, like my grandmother. Some of my power came from her, through my father, and some came from an entirely different line of practitioners through my grandfather. To answer what I think you’re getting at, yes, I know how to use my abilities.”
Inuyasha was still frowning. “Actually, I was thinking along the lines of accidental power spills. When I was trying to get my blood to you, the magic kept zapping me. I was almost sure it was automatic response, because by then you were pretty well checked out, but I need to know your power won’t accidentally hurt anyone with demon blood… like Rin or Shippo.”
Kagome’s eyes widened at the thought and she shook her head. “Absolutely not. I’ve had full reign over it since I was 14.” She looked in the fading daylight to where the kids were building a sand castle and he saw a confusing, indescribable emotion take over her features for a moment. There was anxiety and fear, but also confusion and almost a longing as she said, “I don’t think I could never hurt a child, no matter what kind they are.”
“I know, not on purpose, he said. “But I need you to remember that if it slips away from you accidently here, it could hurt them, and they’re too young to understand it easily. And between the two of them, Shippo’s the only one with any active power to defend himself.”
She frowned and wrapped her arms around her middle. “The only times I’ve consciously used it to hurt anyone alive was …” and she paused and turned to look back the direction they had just come, swallowing hard. “Was when I was trying to keep him- and his demons away from me. It was when I started doing that they put me on something.” Her hand unconsciously rubbed at the bend in her elbow where the bruising from an IV line was still healing. “It made my brain foggy and I couldn’t feel my hands and feet. With narcotics in my system it was much harder to call up the energy, sometimes impossible.”
Inuyasha pondered this, trying to keep his angry at these thoughts from leaking into his voice. “So you weren’t shocking me on purpose then.” He grinned ruefully and licked his dry lips, remembering the taste of her mouth, and her blood. She looked so troubled at the thought that Inuyasha couldn’t help himself. He reached up, and then scowled when she flinched before his approaching hand.
“Sorry,” she murmured, while he brushed some errant strands of hair from her face. He shook his head. “I believe you. I don’t think you’d hurt anyone unless you thought you didn’t have a choice.”