InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Peace Treaty ❯ History ( Chapter 22 )

Sesshoumaru entered their quarters, eager to find Kagome. He had heard a rumor that she was seen walking out of the arena with his father, who was sporting a gash on his arm. The idea of his mate sparring with his father didn't irk him as much as it ought, but Kagome need not know that. Hoping he could bait her into a confrontation that would lead them into bed for a kiss-and-make-up quickie before dinner, he was disappointed to find their rooms unoccupied. Her smell was faint; she had been gone a while. Probably in the infirmary, he decided. May as not try to finish analyzing the latest intelligence while waiting for her return. As he sat, he noticed an open book, resting on his papers. He, having read it nearly every day since he had brought Kagome to the manor, immediately recognized it. “Gods be damned,” he swore aloud. Sesshoumaru ran out to find her, entreating those same cursed gods that it wouldn't be too late.

 

XXXXX

 

The moon was a faint crescent, low in the cold evening sky, providing no additional illumination to the silent, torch-lit courtyard. General Inutaisho and a small group of officers were walking from the direction of the barracks toward the manor house, preparing to retire for dinner. A small figure, solemnly resolute, materialized from the deep shadows to stand before them. She raised her arm straight in front, chest high, a knife clenched in her fist, naked blade facing the General.

 

“You killed him,” she stated without emotion.

 

The shocked officers drew their swords, protecting the General.

 

“Shit,” General Inutaisho muttered softly. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. “Leave us.” he commanded.

 

“But General…” Endo stammered.

 

“Go! It's an order.”

 

The other Youkai reluctantly obeyed, leaving the two to themselves in the quiet, empty courtyard.

 

“Kagome, how did you find out?”

 

“I was reading some interesting history today,” she said with a shade of bitter cynicism. “Why wasn't I told?”

 

General Inutaisho sighed wearily and slowly walked toward her. “Sato and I discussed the matter at length and decided to wait, that it would be better to allow you to become acclimated to us first.”

 

“Oh? Wait until I trusted you before you tore me apart?” She pulled angrily at the neck of her kimono, exposing Sesshoumaru's mark. “Wait until he sealed the deal?” she spat.

 

“Don't blame Sesshoumaru. He wanted to tell before you two mated.” He continued to close the distance between them. “I wanted to tell you. It's the matter I tried to bring up today in the infirmary.”

 

She pivoted her wrist, pointing the knife at him. “Stop!” He halted. “I could kill you. We both know I'm capable.”

 

“But you won't.”

 

“Tell me why I shouldn't!”

 

“I'm not saying you shouldn't. Just that you won't. Because you don't want to,” he said gently.

 

“Don't want to? I didn't want to be here in the first place. Why me?” she demanded.

 

“Kagome, I only learned the identity of the proposed Ningen bride right before you arrived at the treaty negotiations,” he explained. “I said nothing because we Youkai all needed this peace treaty so desperately. I wanted to do nothing to jeopardize it.”

 

“At least until the ink on the paper was dry,” she said, venom in her voice.

 

“Our intention never was to deceive you.”

 

She laughed caustically. “Then why do I feel I've been kicked in the teeth? Why do I feel so betrayed and so fucking stupid?” Her self-control was slipping.

 

“No one thinks of you as stupid. I understand your anger. You are completely justified. But I still believe waiting was the correct course.” He began to slowly advance toward her again.

 

“Does everyone know? Or am I the only ignorant one?”

 

“Seiobo knows, of course. The Advisors were told. No one else knows your surname. Kagome, it was War. You know that. I have battled all the generals on your Council at one time or another. And now, because of you, the War is over.”

 

“You murdered my father in that War!”

 

He frowned at her choice of words. “Which version of our shared, tragic history did you read? What did the passage say?”

 

She looked at him incredulously. “I don't know! I didn't memorize the title. It said my father was the last man standing and you fought each other to the death.”

 

“There are some volumes with more detail than others.” He stood in front of her and put his large, warm hand around her cold, knife-holding, white-knuckled one. “The Ningen we faced that day were incredibly brave. We knew what they were attempting to accomplish with that last effort. They were hopelessly outnumbered, but fought defiantly and were able to buy enough time for the others to escape and burn that bridge. It was an amazing tactical gamble.” He guided her arm down to her side and let go her hand. “Their contingent was ultimately cut down, leaving your father, the sole survivor. I offered him his life. He would be taken into custody as a hostage, treated fairly, to be ransomed or used in a prisoner exchange.”

 

Kagome dropped her knife, terror and panic registering on her face, as she absorbed his words. “No,” she whispered.

 

“Your father was very principled. He said it would be shameful for all his men to have perished while he lived.”

 

“No, please,” she pleaded, as she shook her head and slowly backed away.

 

“We faced each other in single combat. He was an excellent swordsman. In the end, the blow I dealt would not have been fatal, but he grasped my hand on the hilt and forced the blade deeper and higher.”

 

She put her hands over her ears and squeezed her eyes shut. “No!”

 

General Inutaisho pulled her hands down, firm and gentle. “Kagome, you need to hear this. There is no shame. His death was honorable, of his choosing. He was a warrior.”

 

“NO! He was a FATHER!” She looked up and saw confusion. “Don't you understand? Don't you understand what it means?” Her voice broke. she was dangerously close to crying, something she hadn't done in well over a decade. “You gave him a choice. He could have lived. He could have come home…to his family, to me. But instead he chose…to die? Oh gods!” she howled, sinking to her knees, burying her face in her hands.

 

Comprehension slapped General Inutaisho rudely. He had hoped an explanation would help her accept. Her reaction was completely unexpected and made him unbearably sad. He knelt down next to her. “Child, I'm so sorry.”

 

Kagome was shaking with the effort of keeping tears at bay. She looked at him, her face stricken. “What kind of daughter is so…flawed that her own father rejects her in favor of death?” she asked, voice trembling. “What kind of parent…willingly…forsakes…” She shook her head violently. “NO! He was a good man! It's my fault…if I'd been better…he would have come back. If I were worth more, he would have chosen to live.” Her defense crumbled. Rather than cry, she screamed, a sound so mournfully awash with desolation and fresh loss, General Inutaisho thought his heart was breaking. She lunged for her knife and fled.

 

He let her go.

 

XXXXX

 

Sesshoumaru followed Kagome's scent, leading him toward the main courtyard. As he got nearer, he smelled blood. Her blood. Red instantly flooded his eyes, and his stripes grew bold and jagged, as he drew his sword. Then he heard her scream, a wounded-animal sound. He was in the courtyard in a flash, leveling his sword at his father. “What did you to do her?” he growled menacingly.

 

“Told her the truth.” General Inutaisho took note of his son's agitation and drawn weapon. “Put down your sword. She's unharmed. Protecting your mate? Against your own father? Good boy. I wouldn't have you any other way.”

 

Sesshoumaru lowered his sword, and forced himself to calm and focus. “What happened?”

 

General Inutaisho sighed, sounding tired and old. “She apparently found out and came after me. I told her the truth. I thought his righteous, courageous end would console her. I couldn't have been more wrong.”

 

“Is she angry?”

 

“She was. Now…not angry. I had no idea she would blame herself.”

 

“She blames herself?” Sesshoumaru remembered her tied to the whipping post. “Actually, I could have anticipated that reaction,” he said dryly.

 

“Go to her. She ran away just a minute ago. She'll need you. But don't expect your mate. Right now I think she's a little girl again, hurt and scared and taking responsibility for events entirely beyond her control. Son, I am sorry. I fear all the trust between you is destroyed.”

 

Sesshoumaru found her easily, the smell of blood and grief a lodestar. She was standing on a bridge spanning a large koi pond, watching the reflection of the bright stars in the water. They were in the garden below their rooms. “Kagome, are you injured? I smell blood.”

 

“No, it's the monthly bleed I told you about yesterday. Please…just go.” Her voice was shaky and hoarse.

 

“You have had quite a shock. You shouldn't be alone.”

 

“Alone? I have been alone for ten years. Despite evidence to the contrary, I'm rather adept at self-preservation.”

 

He moved to draw her tenderly into his arms, but she shrugged him off. “Don't touch me. You can't fuck me and make it better.” She looked at him, liquid blue eyes full of anguish. “I trusted you. Why? Why didn't you tell me?”

 

“Kagome, I wanted to tell you. No one wanted to keep you in the dark, but I knew how raw the wound of your father's death was. I didn't want to cause you any more pain.”

 

His explanation made her suddenly angry and derisive. “Aren't we noble? I'm fortunate you have such gallantry!”

 

He heaved a sigh. “I was trying to protect—”

 

“Damn it, Sesshoumaru! I don't need protection, and I don't need you to patronize me. Didn't it occur to you that I had a right to know? Your father killed my father!” She tried to keep the agony from taking over, but she had to squeeze her eyes tight shut in order to stay in control.

 

“Kagome, come inside with me. You're not dressed for the cold.” She was silent. He laid a palm on her cheek. “You're chilled to the bone.”

 

She slapped his hand away. “Oh, your concern is so touching,” she sneered.

 

“Kagome, I'm sorry. We're going inside before you get sick.” He pulled her close.

 

She struggled. “Let me go!”

 

His grip became a vise, and he leaped up to the balcony outside their bedroom. As soon as he freed her, she slapped him hard across the face.

 

“Can't resist overpowering me, can you?” she said vehemently. Her rocky countenance broke, leaving her looking dejected and contrite. “I'm sorry. I don't want to fight,” she said. “I don't want to fight.” He stepped toward her, but she looked up, eyes guarded and melancholy, and retreated.

 

“Kagome, I know you're confused. I'm sorry it happened this way.” He kept following her. “You can still trust me. Nothing has changed.”

 

The last bit of the refuge of her façade eroded, laying her bare. “Nothing? Everything! Sessoumaru, you were there! You watched him die.” She bit her lower lip cruelly, to keep it from quivering.

 

He stood before her, arms open, offering himself, offering her shelter. She took a chance and accepted, throwing herself at him with the desperation of one with nothing to lose. He enfolded his arms around her and sighed with relief, stroking her hair. He led her into their room and sat on the edge of the bed, pulling her into his lap and holding her.

 

She looked up into his face, her hurt written like a death note on parchment, still fighting tears. “I feel like the fates are playing at an elaborate joke, and I am the butt of it. Just when I think I've escaped my history, it seizes me and forces me to acknowledge its superiority.”

 

“Don't you think the future is more important?”

 

“Oh, if only that were true. The future is intangible. The past has weight, substance. So much that sometimes I think it will suffocate me.” She took a deep breath. “I just learned my father could have chosen to live, to come home. I could have been a normal girl. Not abandoned, not violated. Married like a normal girl. I'd probably have children by now.” She paused and swiped at her eyes, banishing tears. “Do you think he would have chosen differently if he'd known. Would he have given up his honorable death to prevent his little girl from…” she choked on the words. “He couldn't foresee what would happen, but he must have known how much I'd hurt, losing him.” Her breathing was ragged, uneven. “Did he even think of me?”

 

“Kagome, I don't know,” he said, unable to apologize for all the pain done to her. She stayed in his arms, clinging to him, as she forced herself to calm. “Who is Sumire?” he asked.

 

She stiffened and looked into his amber eyes. “What?”

 

“Your father's last words were, `I love you, Sumire, forgive me.' We always assumed it was his wife's name.” She shook her head and looked down. “It's you, isn't it?”

 

Kagome Higurahsi nodded, barely perceptible. “It was his nickname for me,” she whispered, gasping. “Violets were his favorite flower. He always said my eyes reminded him of them.” She started to break, but abruptly stood and walked to the window. I don't cry, she harshly reminded herself, gritting her teeth. I don't cry.

 

Sesshoumaru sensed her confliction but had no idea how to comfort her. He tried to be logical. “Kagome, it's getting late. Let's go find something to eat.”

 

She took a moment, then said numbly, “I'm not hungry. I'm tired and my belly hurts. I just want to go to bed.”

 

XXXXX

 

Sesshoumaru woke in the middle of the night, conscious of the absence of his mate. Not only was she not pressed alongside him, her side of the bed was empty and cold. He saw her silhouette against the window. Her smell was thick with blood and misery. “Kagome, come back to bed.”

 

“I can't sleep. Sesshoumaru, this is wrong, all wrong. I don't belong here. I'm not one of you.”

 

“What are you talking about? Kagome, you do belong here. With me.”

 

She shook her head slowly. “No. I don't. I wanted to…so much. But it's an illusion. Our history underscores the obvious…the way our pasts interweave. Not to mention the fact I am a miko.”

 

“Kagome, it doesn't matter.”

 

“Sesshoumaru, it matters. I was told on several occasions I could be the most powerful miko in generations, mayhap the most powerful miko ever. Instead? I'm a breeding bitch for dog demons.”

 

“You're not that.” The pain in his voice was evident. “You're happy. You're fitting in, better than I thought possible. Don't speak of yourself that way.”

 

“Why not speak that way? It's true. I'm here to provide you with heirs. It is the same in any marriage. But the irony is all of my society and a good portion of yours will revile our children because of their very nature. We don't belong together.” Her voice was calm and insistent.

 

Too calm. “Enough. You do belong here. I've marked you, and you are mine,” he said. “I was prepared to kill my father to protect you.”

 

“Well, maybe that's your own warped priorities. Fatherlessness is not something I would recommend,” she said acidly. She sighed and again looked on the verge of tears. “But that's exactly what I mean, Sesshoumaru, when I say I don't belong here. I know your instinct is to protect me. And since you've marked me, we're bound by your Youki. But it's only instinct. It's not how you really feel. We didn't choose each other; we were forced on one another. I'm not Inuyoukai. I don't share your instincts. I got swept away with the joy of all of it. I felt like I was one of you. But it isn't real. When we're in bed, we act like we're in love. But we're not. You don't love me, and I don't love you. Sometimes I think I don't even know you.”

 

He grabbed her arms. “You're wrong. It's more than instinct.”

 

“I don't know if I believe you. I doubt you know the difference between your instincts and your feelings. You may think they're one and the same…I wish it were that simple.” She shrugged away and climbed back into bed, full of sadness.

 

Sesshoumaru felt that he was blindfolded and left to pick up the pieces of something he had only scarcely begun to touch. He feared failure at first, then recalled who he was and what was at stake and planned his next move to win back his mate.