InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Peace Treaty ❯ Reconnection ( Chapter 54 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: piratequeen0405 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Drama / Adventure / Action | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 10.13.2011 | Pages: 3 | Words: 5.3K | Visits: 878 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Drama / Adventure / Action | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 10.13.2011 | Pages: 3 | Words: 5.3K | Visits: 878 | Status: Work In Progress
The quiet relief that the residents of the stronghold felt with Kagome’s return and word of her innocence turned into jubilation when they learned that General Inutaisho had woken. Not only was he awake, Gina pronounced that he did not seem to suffer from any lingering ill effects of his head injury and prolonged period of unconsciousness. Following the chaos of Kagome and Taka’s sudden entrance into the stronghold, word about the depths of Okuri’s deception had spread, and talk of an inevitable resumption of War was now replaced by rumors of an alliance with the Council of Great Families to fight those Ningen who were responsible for the ambush on the day of the hunt. All the mourning and anxiety that had seeped into life at the manor over the past weeks vanished with the hope of lasting, permanent peace.
Kagome had tried to sleep after leaving the General with his family. She was exhausted, but the brief contact with Sesshoumaru and their looming confrontation had her distracted to the point of restlessness. Taka, driven by her concern about the handful of soldiers she sent to the infirmary, went to check on their injuries. The women were glad that the fight to find Gina had only resulted in minor burns, a few broken ribs, and a concussion. Kagome encouraged her to go, happy that Taka, who had never been content to sit and watch someone try to sleep, had found a way to be useful.
After her friend was gone, Kagome dressed and exited quietly. Without her overprotective minders, she was finally able to get out of bed and go for a walk. The manor outside the secluded infirmary was abuzz with activity and excitement. She hesitated, doubting her decision to come out alone. Everyone had heard the truth by now, but Kagome thought that perhaps it would have been easier to reenter the society of the manor and stronghold if she was escorted by Sesshoumaru, or at least by Gina or Lady Seiobo. She needn’t have worried. Everywhere, Youkai, servants and nobles alike, greeted her with thanks and apologies. Some were enthusiastic about seeing her; others were visibly uncomfortable, as if they shouldered a bit of guilt for believing the worst of her. Kagome wondered how many of them had actively wished for her painful death, then, after remembering the number of Youkai who perished during the ambush, pushed those thoughts away. They now believed in her innocence—she could forgive that they once believed Okuri’s lies. She accepted both the thanks and apologies graciously, but the feeling that the manor was no longer home pestered her and dampened the welcome back.
“Lady Kagome!” Ayame shifted her young son on her hip and waved from across the yard. She hurried over to where Kagome stood. “We’re so happy to have you back.” They embraced long and hard.
Kagome smiled, grateful that Ayame’s easy nature helped lessen her awkwardness. “It’s good to be back.”
“Kouga told me everything he knows. I cannot imagine all you’ve been through. And now everyone is saying that you healed the General.”
“Give credit to Gina for caring for him so well these past weeks.”
“Typically modest,” Ayame said with a sad shake of her head. “I tried to see you yesterday, but Gina turned me away. She said you needed time and rest.”
“She’s…very attentive. And I, fool that I am, brought her a partner in crime. I’ll introduce you soon.”
“I had heard you were accompanied by another miko.” Ayame lowered her voice. “Are the rumors true? You’re pregnant?”
“Yes,” Kagome said, blushing, “but please don’t do anything to spread them. I’ve been gone for so long, and Sesshoumaru and I haven’t even had a chance to talk about it.”
“Say nothing more. I completely understand. I’ll warn you though…once things calm down and the peace treaty is restored, Lady Seiobo—”
Kagome laughed. “Oh, I already know. I’m fully prepared for the onslaught of her affections over an impending grandchild.”
Ayame looked at her with pity. “You really have no idea. When I was carrying this little one, I feigned I was on my way to take a nap every time I saw her because her excitement was overwhelming . And we aren’t even kin. Sumiko actually forbid her from coming into her wing of the manor.” Ayame noticed that Kagome blanched at that revelation and wished she’d held her tongue. “But don’t let me frighten you,” she said quickly. “She may have toned it down and will give you peace and quiet.”
They looked at each other and burst into laughter at the lack of probability. “It’s nice to laugh again,” Kagome said. “I’m glad we talked. I feel better. Now I just need to see my mate.”
“He’s meeting with the Advisors right now. Kouga left a few minutes ago to join them. I’m on my way to have tea with Azami. She said she always knew her father had far too much ambition and too little conscience, but even she is shocked at what he did.” Benjiro started to fuss and try to get down. Ayame pinched his cheek and hoisted him higher. “I’ve got to go. This one can’t stand to be still for more than a minute.”
They said their goodbyes and parted. Advisors’ meeting, Kagome thought ruefully. She expected Sesshoumaru to seek her out as soon as he had left his father’s private room. She knew the news about General Inutaisho was important, but the fact that he chose to meet with the Advisors instead of finding her stung sharp and painful. She could have gone to the meeting hall and taken her seat next to him; it was her rightful, deserved place. Instead, she turned from the manor and walked in the opposite direction. I traveled for miles and miles to see him. He can cross the stronghold to find me.
Her refuge was the kitchens and a visit with Shippou. The servants there had always welcomed her. She barely got through the door before a red-headed flash bolted from a corner and wrapped his arms around her legs.
“Kagome!” Shippou looked up at her, smiled, and then hid his face against her skirt. “They said you did such bad things. I didn’t want to believe them, but there were so many Youkai who died…and everybody said we were going to go back to War to punish you. But nobody told us anything else. And now they said…you are a hero.” His voice broke apart in sobs.
Kagome knelt and hushed him. “It’s all better now. No more crying. I’m back and the General is fine and we will have peace.” She wiped his cheeks as he stopped sniffling. “I came here so you could cheer me up.”
Shippou grinned at that. “I’m glad they were wrong about you,” he said. “There’s someone else who wants to see you, but she’s afraid.”
Kagome narrowed her eyes in confusion. “Who?”
Shippou led her through a maze of corridors and kitchen rooms to a table where Yukika stood peeling vegetables. When she saw Kagome, she broke into tears. “I’m so sorry,” she wailed.
Kagome went to her and put a comforting hand on her head. She had a good idea of the source of the tears; she had heard that Akeno forged the letters and connected the dots between him, her maid, and her letters. “It’s okay. You can tell me.”
“Lady Inoue said yesterday that he forged the letters. I did it. I let him in.” She burst into a fresh round of sobs as the words poured out. “I didn’t know. I wouldn’t…I believed him. You warned me but…but…he said he loved me and we would be together. I couldn’t read. I didn’t know what he was doing. He told me to tell him whenever you wrote or received a letter, but I thought it was because then he would know when I was going to the aviary…you know, like he was looking for an excuse to see me. I didn’t know he was reading them. I know you must hate me.”
“Don’t cry, Yukika. Of course I don’t hate you.” Kagome found it impossible to be angry with her sweet, naïve maid. She was a victim of Okuri and Akeno as well. “Why are you here and not in the manor?”
“You were gone, so they had to find something to do with me. They put me on kitchen duty because there was no need for a lady’s maid. No one lives in your quarters anymore. Not even Jaken. He tends his Lord in General Inutaisho’s rooms.”
Kagome hoped she hid her distress well enough. She excused herself with promises of future visits with Shippou and to send for Yukika as soon as she needed a maid again and hurried to the area of the manor that she had thought of as home. The wing that housed the rooms she shared with Sesshoumaru was set off from the most bustling sections of the manor. Sesshoumaru preferred quiet and privacy to the whir of social activity and petty gossiping of the noble families. Even expecting the typical silence of their isolated rooms, she was taken aback at the feeling of desertion that hovered there.
Everything was dark and cold and gloomy. No braziers, no lamps had been lit; no smells of habitation competed with the rank odor of musty tatami mats. She wandered from room to room and remembered the first time she had explored here, when she had arrived at the manor two days after they were wed. She had been alone that time as well, but the rooms were warm and clean. When she first came there, she was uncertain about her future. Bitter that she had been ripped from her life and brought to this place to live among strangers that she had consider her enemies. Angry that Sesshoumaru was such an overbearing ass. Determined that she would carve a place for herself. Now she only felt hollow.
The bedroom was the most changed. Kagome didn’t own many possessions and had not tried to make a personal imprint on the furnishings; the physical mark she left on the residence was small. But it was in this room that she had kept the few things she had. Her trunk of clothes was missing, as were her combs and hair pins, her few books and writing implements. All traces of her were gone, like she had never lived there at all. That he was able to so thoroughly erase her was a revelation.
Her eyes strayed down to the bed. The blankets were flat and cold, and covered with a fine layer of dust. It hadn’t been occupied in a long time. So much had happened to them beneath those blankets. They had taken pleasure in each other’s bodies, and afterward they had talked. He told her stories of his childhood and Inuyoukai history, and she told him about life at the Sisterhood. It was the one place where they rarely argued, where he let go of his tight self-control and she let him play the role of lordly protector. It was where she had fallen in love with him.
She tore her eyes from the barren bed and went to the window. The gardens outside were covered in white, and the high late-morning sun gleamed bright on the snow, like a blanket of swan’s down had been sprinkled with crystals. The view made the dim, empty room seem even more lonely. She shuttered the window and turned back toward the dark. The past weeks of fear and fighting, the disappointment, the melancholy enveloped her. She was so certain Sesshoumaru would have come by now, that he wanted to see her as much as she wanted him. When he looked at her and touched her face, his eyes were warm and welcoming. Was his affection in the infirmary merely gratitude for her healing his father? Her worries about her brother’s part in deaths of his sister and nephew resurfaced. She had tucked them aside, waiting to face them until she and Sesshoumaru had their chance to reconnect. Now the doubts roiled her blood and festered in the bottom of her stomach. General Inutaisho was understanding and accepting. Would Sesshoumaru be as well, or would he condemn her along with her family? The possibility of the peace treaty further put in jeopardy chilled her, and she felt like this time it would be her fault for not letting the dead stay dead. She thought she was doing the right thing in confessing…but was it? I’m not the guilty one, she reminded herself, but the fear and unease were larger than reason.
XXXXX
Kagome’s scent led Sesshoumaru on a circuitous route to their empty rooms on the far side of the manor. His steps quickened; he was filled with a primal need to be with her, if only for one last time. He dreaded the task ahead and wondered if he would truly be able to carry out his intentions. He had come to a decision the night before, after spending the day sunk in shame and guilt, but seeing her in his father’s room that morning, he almost balked. He had little choice. Or so he told himself.
He found her in their bedroom standing by a window. How many times had he seen her there, lost in thought, staring at the gardens below? He crossed the threshold but did not come closer.
“I had heard you moved into your father’s quarters,” Kagome said without looking away from the lacquered wood of the shutter. “Were you trying to be close to him…or far from me?”
“Kagome…” His voice trailed off. The pain and accusation in her question strengthened his resolve that the right, honorable action was to let her go. He was convinced he could say the words…he was a fool to think waiting would make it easier.
As if she knew his thoughts, she said, “You didn’t come to visit me yesterday.”
I was busy contacting the other Houses. I was occupied with my treacherous cousin. I needed to oversee inspection of the Ningen weapon. The lies died in his throat. “I was too ashamed to face you.” It was too late for a simple apology. Gratitude was safer. “Thanks are long overdue. I should have come sooner. Again, I thank you for healing my father. You have given the West a gift beyond price. The weapons specialists are making progress in the examination of kayaku. You brought it to us. The entirety of Youkai society owes you thanks.”
She clenched her fists. Kayaku? That was what he wanted to tell her? “You’re welcome,” she said carefully and turned to face him.
“My Youki is no longer in you; the scar means nothing without it,” he said, the blank mask of his face a shield. “I’ve consulted with my parents and the Advisors. We have received assurances that the peace treaty will hold indefinitely. There will be a military alliance between Youkai and Ningen for the purpose of defeating Kurono and Akagawa. Your presence here is not necessary.”
Kagome shrank into her worst fears. “Are you…punishing me? For what my brother did?”
“What? No.” He had forgotten that variable, her private source of guilt. “Taka showed me your brother’s papers. Of course I don’t blame you.” I blame myself.
“Then what exactly are you saying?”
“We are no longer tied together. You are free. You can go.” He said it. The words were out and he could not take them back. “Choose to have a normal life as a Ningen woman.”
She stared at him, not believing what he said. “Normal life? I’m a pregnant miko. Normal ended for me when I was forced to be a party to the peace treaty.” The old, familiar anger came creeping back. It was more comforting than she would have thought possible—it kept despair at heel. “Are you abandoning the child as well?”
“The child will be my heir. That won’t ever change. You both will be provided for and will not have want of anything.”
“This is my normal life. I was happy before as a miko, but here is where I belong. If you don’t want me, then tell me that and I’ll leave.” She was not about to let him take the cowardly, easy way out. “But you have to send me away. I do not choose to go.”
He struggled to remain detached, if only to stay the course. His parents made it clear they disapproved of his decision, but they were not the ones who had to live with his burden. “I think you would be better off with your own kind.” Without me.
Kagome flinched, like she had been hit. “Why?”
He took a step into the room, but the gap between them seemed even larger. “I hurt you,” he said, the words tasted like loss. “I killed you.”
Kagome shook her head violently. “And then you brought me back to life,” she shouted. “Why is the one more important than the other?” Her patience was at an end. “Is that what this is about? You don’t want me here because I am a reminder of the sin you committed? Better for you if I’m gone? Better for your pride?”
He wanted to run to her, to beg for forgiveness. Instead, he steeled himself and said, “Kagome, I believed you betrayed us. You deserve better than me.”
“Oh, that is so typical.” She strode toward him, her every step deliberate and forceful. “You are as bad as the worst of Ningen men. Telling me I am free to choose and in the next breath telling me what I deserve. I risked everything to come back. To prevent War and to clear my name, yes, but also to take my place by your side. I crossed the half the world for you. I fought and killed to be with you. And now here you are, daring to tell me what I deserve. Let me tell you. I make my life. I determine what and whom I deserve. You are unworthy? I wouldn’t be here if that was true!” She was standing in front of him, inches away. “I’ll tell you what I think. I think that you’ve always thought yourself infallible, and the one time that you aren’t…you can’t handle it. I’ve got news for you. You’re just like everyone else, Sesshoumaru. You make mistakes.”
He dropped to his knees and bowed his head. “Kagome, I am so sorry.”
“I don’t want apologies!” Her anger overflowed and she slapped him, hard enough to wake him out of his self-pity. “Don’t you understand? I’m not interested in hearing how contrite you are. I already know it! I know you violated your social code and I know you blame yourself. I understand your shame. I’ve been living with your great Inuyoukai honor since I arrived here. I’m not blind or stupid.” She paused to catch her breath. “You’ve been forgiven. I want to hear the other part.”
The spark of hope that he had secretly nurtured and deliberately snuffed out, off and on for weeks, roared back to life. “The other part?”
Kagome itched to hit him again. Instead, she laid her palm against his cheek, her fingers threading through the hair at his temple. “Are you feeling nothing but penitence? Is that all you want to tell me? That you are ashamed…that you are grateful for my service and regret killing me? Is that all you feel?”
The anger in her face had gone, leaving only raw vulnerability. He finally understood. I am an even bigger fool than I thought. He enclosed her hand in his and stood. “I missed you. I dreamt about you every night.” He wrapped his arms around her. “I was afraid…so afraid. Afraid you were hurt, you wouldn’t come back. Afraid you would hate me. I love you.”
She returned his embrace. “That,” she said gently. “That is what I want.”
He buried his face in her hair. “I’m happy you are here. I hope you want to stay with me, though I understand if you do not.” He felt her stiffen and pull back, so he held her tighter and quickly said, “I want you to stay. Kagome. I want to raise our child together.”
She relaxed against him and pressed her face into his chest.
Sesshoumaru stroked her hair and breathed in her scent. Familiar, wanted. Relief engulfed him—it was more than he had dared hope. “Are you crying?”
She nodded and gave a little laugh. “I seem to be doing that a lot lately.”
He continued to run his fingers through her shortened hair, lingering on the bare nape of her neck.
“Leiko cut my hair. It will grow back,” she said, suddenly self-conscious.
“Why did she do that?”
“To throw you off my scent. She gave it to a soldier and sent him in the opposite direction we traveled. She claimed your father’s sword as well. Fortunately I was able to get it back before I slipped through Kureno and Akagawa’s trap.”
“That explains a lot.” He recalled his confusion as he tried to find her. “I looked for you. I searched most of the night and found nothing but wind and snow. I failed.”
“I know. It’s over.”
“I thought you took it. Knowing your history with the sword, I saw its absence as further proof of your vendetta against my father.” He shook his head sadly. “You are so much stronger than I.”
She smiled softly and reached up to return his caress. “I am as strong as I needed to be.”
“Kagome, I am afraid that we will never be the same.”
She prayed the fear and sorrow in his eyes would disappear someday. “I was afraid of that too. I was afraid that once you learned of what my brother had done, you would no longer want me here. Let’s be hopeful instead.”
“So many misunderstandings.” He straightened and held her face in his hands. “Are you certain this is what you want?”
“Never more certain.”
He lowered his face to hers and kissed her. A kiss both relieved and reckless. After he pulled away and caught his breath, he said, almost shyly, “So…you mean to make me a father.”
Kagome nodded, playful and happy. “It seems so. Gods help us all.”
XXXXX
Kagome entered the infirmary to see Taka and Gina standing very close whispering and giggling over nothing apparent. She cleared her throat.
The Inuyoukai and the miko spun around. Both looked like little children that had been caught stealing sweets, though Gina had a distinct naughty, amused glint in her eyes. “There you are,” she said. “I trust all is good with you and my cousin? Lady Seiobo forbid anyone from disturbing you two yesterday.” Seiobo had been most distraught at first, crying and ranting about how stubborn and ridiculous her son was, but after no one emerged from Kagome and Sesshoumaru’s rooms for hours, she decided that Kagome had found a way to shake sense into him.
“Very fine,” Kagome replied. The time reconnecting had been difficult at first. He was so tangled in shame, he had been reluctant to touch her, to undress her. With tenacity and patience she undid the worst of it, until he finally responded and they took back everything that had been stolen. He had a new tenderness, one gained from grief and regret. She loved him all the more for it. “How is the General?”
“Weakness is his main complaint…no big surprise there. I fear he will be a tiresome patient, continually overtaxing his strength. Inuyoukai males refuse to listen to reason when their pride is at stake.” She shook her head dismissively. “Yesterday he was plagued by a headache, but it responded well to gingko and willow bark. I didn’t even have to break out the poppy juice. Right now he is busy convincing Lord Sato not to commit suicide, so he—”
“Suicide?”
“Akeno̵ 7;s acts dishonored his house,” Gina explained. “There is more than one way for Inuyoukai to be shamed. Fortunately the General realizes that Sato had nothing to do with his son’s treason and that he is too important an Advisor to lose.”
General Inutaisho’s words the morning before echoed in her head. We need to put an end to the tragedy. Now and always.
“Kagome,” Gina said, “there was a wax seal on your brother’s papers.”
Kagome nodded. “My family crest, made by my father’s signet ring. I took it before I went to the Sisterhood and gave it to Sesshoumaru as a keepsake gift on the Longest Night. Sesshoumaru told me that it has been lost.”
“I believe I found it. In one of the private rooms here.”
“The infirmary?” Kagome said, incredulous. “How did it get here?”
“It was in Akeno’s room. I sent it to the Ryouyoukai, thinking it might belong to them because that is where Haruto stayed.”
“Do you think it has something to do with the conspiracy?” Taka asked.
Gina shrugged. “Maybe Akeno stole it to use to fake new letters. I’ll write to Lady Seiryu at once about getting it returned.” She gave Taka’s hand a discreet squeeze. “I’ll be back shortly.”
Kagome couldn’t stop the smile that bloomed on her face as she went to where Taka was labeling bottles. She began to put the finished ones away. “I noticed you and Gina have gotten cozy.”
“Hush,” Taka said, blushing bright. She stopped working and stared at her hands. “She doesn’t make me feel like a freak.”
Kagome wrapped her arms around her friend, briefly pinched by guilt for teasing. “You’ve never been a freak. You and Gina will be good together. Do you want to stay?” she said, pulling back. “I can ask Lady Kaede to let you stay here a while. You can help me train soldiers. Your presence will be crucial when we go into Ningen territory to destroy kayaku. And of course I’ll need you with me for the birth.”
Taka sighed with gratitude. Lady Kaede would not deny a direct request from Kagome. “I would love to be with you for the birth. But Kagome,” she said shaking her head, “surely you don’t mean to join this battle against Kureno and Akagawa.”
“That’s exactly what I mean to do.” Kagome practiced her best expression of obstinacy. She would need it for when she told her mate about her plans. “I’m familiar with the area. It is my old family lands, after all. I’ve seen the weapon in action and I’ve seen the production—the warehouses and factories. And I know my way around the secrets of the manor house. I can’t not go.”
Taka knew Kagome too well to think she was joking. All she could do was roll her eyes. “And what has your husband said about this?”
“He doesn’t know yet,” Kagome admitted with a wink. “But after all that has happened, all I’ve been through, I don’t see how he can deny me anything.”
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Kagome had tried to sleep after leaving the General with his family. She was exhausted, but the brief contact with Sesshoumaru and their looming confrontation had her distracted to the point of restlessness. Taka, driven by her concern about the handful of soldiers she sent to the infirmary, went to check on their injuries. The women were glad that the fight to find Gina had only resulted in minor burns, a few broken ribs, and a concussion. Kagome encouraged her to go, happy that Taka, who had never been content to sit and watch someone try to sleep, had found a way to be useful.
After her friend was gone, Kagome dressed and exited quietly. Without her overprotective minders, she was finally able to get out of bed and go for a walk. The manor outside the secluded infirmary was abuzz with activity and excitement. She hesitated, doubting her decision to come out alone. Everyone had heard the truth by now, but Kagome thought that perhaps it would have been easier to reenter the society of the manor and stronghold if she was escorted by Sesshoumaru, or at least by Gina or Lady Seiobo. She needn’t have worried. Everywhere, Youkai, servants and nobles alike, greeted her with thanks and apologies. Some were enthusiastic about seeing her; others were visibly uncomfortable, as if they shouldered a bit of guilt for believing the worst of her. Kagome wondered how many of them had actively wished for her painful death, then, after remembering the number of Youkai who perished during the ambush, pushed those thoughts away. They now believed in her innocence—she could forgive that they once believed Okuri’s lies. She accepted both the thanks and apologies graciously, but the feeling that the manor was no longer home pestered her and dampened the welcome back.
“Lady Kagome!” Ayame shifted her young son on her hip and waved from across the yard. She hurried over to where Kagome stood. “We’re so happy to have you back.” They embraced long and hard.
Kagome smiled, grateful that Ayame’s easy nature helped lessen her awkwardness. “It’s good to be back.”
“Kouga told me everything he knows. I cannot imagine all you’ve been through. And now everyone is saying that you healed the General.”
“Give credit to Gina for caring for him so well these past weeks.”
“Typically modest,” Ayame said with a sad shake of her head. “I tried to see you yesterday, but Gina turned me away. She said you needed time and rest.”
“She’s…very attentive. And I, fool that I am, brought her a partner in crime. I’ll introduce you soon.”
“I had heard you were accompanied by another miko.” Ayame lowered her voice. “Are the rumors true? You’re pregnant?”
“Yes,” Kagome said, blushing, “but please don’t do anything to spread them. I’ve been gone for so long, and Sesshoumaru and I haven’t even had a chance to talk about it.”
“Say nothing more. I completely understand. I’ll warn you though…once things calm down and the peace treaty is restored, Lady Seiobo—”
Kagome laughed. “Oh, I already know. I’m fully prepared for the onslaught of her affections over an impending grandchild.”
Ayame looked at her with pity. “You really have no idea. When I was carrying this little one, I feigned I was on my way to take a nap every time I saw her because her excitement was overwhelming . And we aren’t even kin. Sumiko actually forbid her from coming into her wing of the manor.” Ayame noticed that Kagome blanched at that revelation and wished she’d held her tongue. “But don’t let me frighten you,” she said quickly. “She may have toned it down and will give you peace and quiet.”
They looked at each other and burst into laughter at the lack of probability. “It’s nice to laugh again,” Kagome said. “I’m glad we talked. I feel better. Now I just need to see my mate.”
“He’s meeting with the Advisors right now. Kouga left a few minutes ago to join them. I’m on my way to have tea with Azami. She said she always knew her father had far too much ambition and too little conscience, but even she is shocked at what he did.” Benjiro started to fuss and try to get down. Ayame pinched his cheek and hoisted him higher. “I’ve got to go. This one can’t stand to be still for more than a minute.”
They said their goodbyes and parted. Advisors’ meeting, Kagome thought ruefully. She expected Sesshoumaru to seek her out as soon as he had left his father’s private room. She knew the news about General Inutaisho was important, but the fact that he chose to meet with the Advisors instead of finding her stung sharp and painful. She could have gone to the meeting hall and taken her seat next to him; it was her rightful, deserved place. Instead, she turned from the manor and walked in the opposite direction. I traveled for miles and miles to see him. He can cross the stronghold to find me.
Her refuge was the kitchens and a visit with Shippou. The servants there had always welcomed her. She barely got through the door before a red-headed flash bolted from a corner and wrapped his arms around her legs.
“Kagome!” Shippou looked up at her, smiled, and then hid his face against her skirt. “They said you did such bad things. I didn’t want to believe them, but there were so many Youkai who died…and everybody said we were going to go back to War to punish you. But nobody told us anything else. And now they said…you are a hero.” His voice broke apart in sobs.
Kagome knelt and hushed him. “It’s all better now. No more crying. I’m back and the General is fine and we will have peace.” She wiped his cheeks as he stopped sniffling. “I came here so you could cheer me up.”
Shippou grinned at that. “I’m glad they were wrong about you,” he said. “There’s someone else who wants to see you, but she’s afraid.”
Kagome narrowed her eyes in confusion. “Who?”
Shippou led her through a maze of corridors and kitchen rooms to a table where Yukika stood peeling vegetables. When she saw Kagome, she broke into tears. “I’m so sorry,” she wailed.
Kagome went to her and put a comforting hand on her head. She had a good idea of the source of the tears; she had heard that Akeno forged the letters and connected the dots between him, her maid, and her letters. “It’s okay. You can tell me.”
“Lady Inoue said yesterday that he forged the letters. I did it. I let him in.” She burst into a fresh round of sobs as the words poured out. “I didn’t know. I wouldn’t…I believed him. You warned me but…but…he said he loved me and we would be together. I couldn’t read. I didn’t know what he was doing. He told me to tell him whenever you wrote or received a letter, but I thought it was because then he would know when I was going to the aviary…you know, like he was looking for an excuse to see me. I didn’t know he was reading them. I know you must hate me.”
“Don’t cry, Yukika. Of course I don’t hate you.” Kagome found it impossible to be angry with her sweet, naïve maid. She was a victim of Okuri and Akeno as well. “Why are you here and not in the manor?”
“You were gone, so they had to find something to do with me. They put me on kitchen duty because there was no need for a lady’s maid. No one lives in your quarters anymore. Not even Jaken. He tends his Lord in General Inutaisho’s rooms.”
Kagome hoped she hid her distress well enough. She excused herself with promises of future visits with Shippou and to send for Yukika as soon as she needed a maid again and hurried to the area of the manor that she had thought of as home. The wing that housed the rooms she shared with Sesshoumaru was set off from the most bustling sections of the manor. Sesshoumaru preferred quiet and privacy to the whir of social activity and petty gossiping of the noble families. Even expecting the typical silence of their isolated rooms, she was taken aback at the feeling of desertion that hovered there.
Everything was dark and cold and gloomy. No braziers, no lamps had been lit; no smells of habitation competed with the rank odor of musty tatami mats. She wandered from room to room and remembered the first time she had explored here, when she had arrived at the manor two days after they were wed. She had been alone that time as well, but the rooms were warm and clean. When she first came there, she was uncertain about her future. Bitter that she had been ripped from her life and brought to this place to live among strangers that she had consider her enemies. Angry that Sesshoumaru was such an overbearing ass. Determined that she would carve a place for herself. Now she only felt hollow.
The bedroom was the most changed. Kagome didn’t own many possessions and had not tried to make a personal imprint on the furnishings; the physical mark she left on the residence was small. But it was in this room that she had kept the few things she had. Her trunk of clothes was missing, as were her combs and hair pins, her few books and writing implements. All traces of her were gone, like she had never lived there at all. That he was able to so thoroughly erase her was a revelation.
Her eyes strayed down to the bed. The blankets were flat and cold, and covered with a fine layer of dust. It hadn’t been occupied in a long time. So much had happened to them beneath those blankets. They had taken pleasure in each other’s bodies, and afterward they had talked. He told her stories of his childhood and Inuyoukai history, and she told him about life at the Sisterhood. It was the one place where they rarely argued, where he let go of his tight self-control and she let him play the role of lordly protector. It was where she had fallen in love with him.
She tore her eyes from the barren bed and went to the window. The gardens outside were covered in white, and the high late-morning sun gleamed bright on the snow, like a blanket of swan’s down had been sprinkled with crystals. The view made the dim, empty room seem even more lonely. She shuttered the window and turned back toward the dark. The past weeks of fear and fighting, the disappointment, the melancholy enveloped her. She was so certain Sesshoumaru would have come by now, that he wanted to see her as much as she wanted him. When he looked at her and touched her face, his eyes were warm and welcoming. Was his affection in the infirmary merely gratitude for her healing his father? Her worries about her brother’s part in deaths of his sister and nephew resurfaced. She had tucked them aside, waiting to face them until she and Sesshoumaru had their chance to reconnect. Now the doubts roiled her blood and festered in the bottom of her stomach. General Inutaisho was understanding and accepting. Would Sesshoumaru be as well, or would he condemn her along with her family? The possibility of the peace treaty further put in jeopardy chilled her, and she felt like this time it would be her fault for not letting the dead stay dead. She thought she was doing the right thing in confessing…but was it? I’m not the guilty one, she reminded herself, but the fear and unease were larger than reason.
XXXXX
Kagome’s scent led Sesshoumaru on a circuitous route to their empty rooms on the far side of the manor. His steps quickened; he was filled with a primal need to be with her, if only for one last time. He dreaded the task ahead and wondered if he would truly be able to carry out his intentions. He had come to a decision the night before, after spending the day sunk in shame and guilt, but seeing her in his father’s room that morning, he almost balked. He had little choice. Or so he told himself.
He found her in their bedroom standing by a window. How many times had he seen her there, lost in thought, staring at the gardens below? He crossed the threshold but did not come closer.
“I had heard you moved into your father’s quarters,” Kagome said without looking away from the lacquered wood of the shutter. “Were you trying to be close to him…or far from me?”
“Kagome…” His voice trailed off. The pain and accusation in her question strengthened his resolve that the right, honorable action was to let her go. He was convinced he could say the words…he was a fool to think waiting would make it easier.
As if she knew his thoughts, she said, “You didn’t come to visit me yesterday.”
I was busy contacting the other Houses. I was occupied with my treacherous cousin. I needed to oversee inspection of the Ningen weapon. The lies died in his throat. “I was too ashamed to face you.” It was too late for a simple apology. Gratitude was safer. “Thanks are long overdue. I should have come sooner. Again, I thank you for healing my father. You have given the West a gift beyond price. The weapons specialists are making progress in the examination of kayaku. You brought it to us. The entirety of Youkai society owes you thanks.”
She clenched her fists. Kayaku? That was what he wanted to tell her? “You’re welcome,” she said carefully and turned to face him.
“My Youki is no longer in you; the scar means nothing without it,” he said, the blank mask of his face a shield. “I’ve consulted with my parents and the Advisors. We have received assurances that the peace treaty will hold indefinitely. There will be a military alliance between Youkai and Ningen for the purpose of defeating Kurono and Akagawa. Your presence here is not necessary.”
Kagome shrank into her worst fears. “Are you…punishing me? For what my brother did?”
“What? No.” He had forgotten that variable, her private source of guilt. “Taka showed me your brother’s papers. Of course I don’t blame you.” I blame myself.
“Then what exactly are you saying?”
“We are no longer tied together. You are free. You can go.” He said it. The words were out and he could not take them back. “Choose to have a normal life as a Ningen woman.”
She stared at him, not believing what he said. “Normal life? I’m a pregnant miko. Normal ended for me when I was forced to be a party to the peace treaty.” The old, familiar anger came creeping back. It was more comforting than she would have thought possible—it kept despair at heel. “Are you abandoning the child as well?”
“The child will be my heir. That won’t ever change. You both will be provided for and will not have want of anything.”
“This is my normal life. I was happy before as a miko, but here is where I belong. If you don’t want me, then tell me that and I’ll leave.” She was not about to let him take the cowardly, easy way out. “But you have to send me away. I do not choose to go.”
He struggled to remain detached, if only to stay the course. His parents made it clear they disapproved of his decision, but they were not the ones who had to live with his burden. “I think you would be better off with your own kind.” Without me.
Kagome flinched, like she had been hit. “Why?”
He took a step into the room, but the gap between them seemed even larger. “I hurt you,” he said, the words tasted like loss. “I killed you.”
Kagome shook her head violently. “And then you brought me back to life,” she shouted. “Why is the one more important than the other?” Her patience was at an end. “Is that what this is about? You don’t want me here because I am a reminder of the sin you committed? Better for you if I’m gone? Better for your pride?”
He wanted to run to her, to beg for forgiveness. Instead, he steeled himself and said, “Kagome, I believed you betrayed us. You deserve better than me.”
“Oh, that is so typical.” She strode toward him, her every step deliberate and forceful. “You are as bad as the worst of Ningen men. Telling me I am free to choose and in the next breath telling me what I deserve. I risked everything to come back. To prevent War and to clear my name, yes, but also to take my place by your side. I crossed the half the world for you. I fought and killed to be with you. And now here you are, daring to tell me what I deserve. Let me tell you. I make my life. I determine what and whom I deserve. You are unworthy? I wouldn’t be here if that was true!” She was standing in front of him, inches away. “I’ll tell you what I think. I think that you’ve always thought yourself infallible, and the one time that you aren’t…you can’t handle it. I’ve got news for you. You’re just like everyone else, Sesshoumaru. You make mistakes.”
He dropped to his knees and bowed his head. “Kagome, I am so sorry.”
“I don’t want apologies!” Her anger overflowed and she slapped him, hard enough to wake him out of his self-pity. “Don’t you understand? I’m not interested in hearing how contrite you are. I already know it! I know you violated your social code and I know you blame yourself. I understand your shame. I’ve been living with your great Inuyoukai honor since I arrived here. I’m not blind or stupid.” She paused to catch her breath. “You’ve been forgiven. I want to hear the other part.”
The spark of hope that he had secretly nurtured and deliberately snuffed out, off and on for weeks, roared back to life. “The other part?”
Kagome itched to hit him again. Instead, she laid her palm against his cheek, her fingers threading through the hair at his temple. “Are you feeling nothing but penitence? Is that all you want to tell me? That you are ashamed…that you are grateful for my service and regret killing me? Is that all you feel?”
The anger in her face had gone, leaving only raw vulnerability. He finally understood. I am an even bigger fool than I thought. He enclosed her hand in his and stood. “I missed you. I dreamt about you every night.” He wrapped his arms around her. “I was afraid…so afraid. Afraid you were hurt, you wouldn’t come back. Afraid you would hate me. I love you.”
She returned his embrace. “That,” she said gently. “That is what I want.”
He buried his face in her hair. “I’m happy you are here. I hope you want to stay with me, though I understand if you do not.” He felt her stiffen and pull back, so he held her tighter and quickly said, “I want you to stay. Kagome. I want to raise our child together.”
She relaxed against him and pressed her face into his chest.
Sesshoumaru stroked her hair and breathed in her scent. Familiar, wanted. Relief engulfed him—it was more than he had dared hope. “Are you crying?”
She nodded and gave a little laugh. “I seem to be doing that a lot lately.”
He continued to run his fingers through her shortened hair, lingering on the bare nape of her neck.
“Leiko cut my hair. It will grow back,” she said, suddenly self-conscious.
“Why did she do that?”
“To throw you off my scent. She gave it to a soldier and sent him in the opposite direction we traveled. She claimed your father’s sword as well. Fortunately I was able to get it back before I slipped through Kureno and Akagawa’s trap.”
“That explains a lot.” He recalled his confusion as he tried to find her. “I looked for you. I searched most of the night and found nothing but wind and snow. I failed.”
“I know. It’s over.”
“I thought you took it. Knowing your history with the sword, I saw its absence as further proof of your vendetta against my father.” He shook his head sadly. “You are so much stronger than I.”
She smiled softly and reached up to return his caress. “I am as strong as I needed to be.”
“Kagome, I am afraid that we will never be the same.”
She prayed the fear and sorrow in his eyes would disappear someday. “I was afraid of that too. I was afraid that once you learned of what my brother had done, you would no longer want me here. Let’s be hopeful instead.”
“So many misunderstandings.” He straightened and held her face in his hands. “Are you certain this is what you want?”
“Never more certain.”
He lowered his face to hers and kissed her. A kiss both relieved and reckless. After he pulled away and caught his breath, he said, almost shyly, “So…you mean to make me a father.”
Kagome nodded, playful and happy. “It seems so. Gods help us all.”
XXXXX
Kagome entered the infirmary to see Taka and Gina standing very close whispering and giggling over nothing apparent. She cleared her throat.
The Inuyoukai and the miko spun around. Both looked like little children that had been caught stealing sweets, though Gina had a distinct naughty, amused glint in her eyes. “There you are,” she said. “I trust all is good with you and my cousin? Lady Seiobo forbid anyone from disturbing you two yesterday.” Seiobo had been most distraught at first, crying and ranting about how stubborn and ridiculous her son was, but after no one emerged from Kagome and Sesshoumaru’s rooms for hours, she decided that Kagome had found a way to shake sense into him.
“Very fine,” Kagome replied. The time reconnecting had been difficult at first. He was so tangled in shame, he had been reluctant to touch her, to undress her. With tenacity and patience she undid the worst of it, until he finally responded and they took back everything that had been stolen. He had a new tenderness, one gained from grief and regret. She loved him all the more for it. “How is the General?”
“Weakness is his main complaint…no big surprise there. I fear he will be a tiresome patient, continually overtaxing his strength. Inuyoukai males refuse to listen to reason when their pride is at stake.” She shook her head dismissively. “Yesterday he was plagued by a headache, but it responded well to gingko and willow bark. I didn’t even have to break out the poppy juice. Right now he is busy convincing Lord Sato not to commit suicide, so he—”
“Suicide?”
“Akeno̵ 7;s acts dishonored his house,” Gina explained. “There is more than one way for Inuyoukai to be shamed. Fortunately the General realizes that Sato had nothing to do with his son’s treason and that he is too important an Advisor to lose.”
General Inutaisho’s words the morning before echoed in her head. We need to put an end to the tragedy. Now and always.
“Kagome,” Gina said, “there was a wax seal on your brother’s papers.”
Kagome nodded. “My family crest, made by my father’s signet ring. I took it before I went to the Sisterhood and gave it to Sesshoumaru as a keepsake gift on the Longest Night. Sesshoumaru told me that it has been lost.”
“I believe I found it. In one of the private rooms here.”
“The infirmary?” Kagome said, incredulous. “How did it get here?”
“It was in Akeno’s room. I sent it to the Ryouyoukai, thinking it might belong to them because that is where Haruto stayed.”
“Do you think it has something to do with the conspiracy?” Taka asked.
Gina shrugged. “Maybe Akeno stole it to use to fake new letters. I’ll write to Lady Seiryu at once about getting it returned.” She gave Taka’s hand a discreet squeeze. “I’ll be back shortly.”
Kagome couldn’t stop the smile that bloomed on her face as she went to where Taka was labeling bottles. She began to put the finished ones away. “I noticed you and Gina have gotten cozy.”
“Hush,” Taka said, blushing bright. She stopped working and stared at her hands. “She doesn’t make me feel like a freak.”
Kagome wrapped her arms around her friend, briefly pinched by guilt for teasing. “You’ve never been a freak. You and Gina will be good together. Do you want to stay?” she said, pulling back. “I can ask Lady Kaede to let you stay here a while. You can help me train soldiers. Your presence will be crucial when we go into Ningen territory to destroy kayaku. And of course I’ll need you with me for the birth.”
Taka sighed with gratitude. Lady Kaede would not deny a direct request from Kagome. “I would love to be with you for the birth. But Kagome,” she said shaking her head, “surely you don’t mean to join this battle against Kureno and Akagawa.”
“That’s exactly what I mean to do.” Kagome practiced her best expression of obstinacy. She would need it for when she told her mate about her plans. “I’m familiar with the area. It is my old family lands, after all. I’ve seen the weapon in action and I’ve seen the production—the warehouses and factories. And I know my way around the secrets of the manor house. I can’t not go.”
Taka knew Kagome too well to think she was joking. All she could do was roll her eyes. “And what has your husband said about this?”
“He doesn’t know yet,” Kagome admitted with a wink. “But after all that has happened, all I’ve been through, I don’t see how he can deny me anything.”
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