InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Phony Digits ❯ Tough Luck ( Chapter 1 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Disclaimer: InuYasha is the property of Rumiko Takahashi. I have nothing.

Chapter One: Tough Luck

"So, anyway, he goes on to tell me that he is currently unemployed, and here's the real kicker, still living with his ex-girlfriend."

"No!" Sango said, shaking her head in disbelief. Her long black ponytail swishing across the back of her black quilted vest. "And what did you say?"

'Kagome!' Both women turned their heads upon hearing the barista call out from the front of the cafe. They began making their way to the counter to pick up their order.

"Well, I was polite," Kagome continued, "but after the date I turned down his offer to drive me home and took a cab. Hopefully he got the message." she said, before pulling on her brown leather gloves one by one and picking up her coffee from the counter.

"I would have been like, 'Beat it, dude! I'm not into charity cases.'." Sango said.

"Excuse me. Pardon me." Kagome mumbled to the other patrons as she navigated her way through the coffee shop, towards the door. The crowd almost seemed to part for the unapologetic Sango as she strode alongside her friend with an air of calm self-confidence. "I know you would have, Sango. I just wish I had your courage…excuse me. I'm sorry." she said as she sidestepped another bystander.

"What?" Sango asked. "The courage to be a ball-buster? Oh, you have it in you grasshopper," she said solemnly, placing her hand on Kagome's shoulder. "you just have to find it within yourself."

Kagome giggled. "Thank you, Sensei. I'll be sure to work on summoning the ball-buster within me."

Sango chuckled as she pushed open the door and they stepped out into the cold. "I swear, you have the worst luck with men." she said, shaking her head as they started toward her apartment building at a steady pace. Their breath coming out like white puffs of smoke in the frigid winter air.

"Yeah, you don't have to tell me that." Kagome said dryly. "Remember 'Snakes'?"

Sango furrowed her brow.

"Oh, that's what I call the guy that had a lot of snakes." Kagome explained.

"Ah," Sango said. "yes, I remember him. And you can't forget 'Toothpick'."

"Ugh…" Kagome groaned. "'Toothpick' may have been the worst of them! As if the teeth picking wasn't bad enough, he also had the cockiest attitude of any guy I've ever been out with. That's the last time I ever go out with a youkai, I can tell you that much."

"Maybe you just need to date a real 'uggo'." Sango said. "Nothing a good old-fashioned paper bag wouldn't fix."

Kagome giggled. "Yes, but how do you go about getting them to wear the bag?"

"You just say, 'Hey buddy, look, could you wear this over your head? You're nice and all, but this just isn't gonna work out if I have too keep looking at your face.'" Sango said nonchalantly, holding her free hand out as if offering the imaginary bag. "And then if you ever get tired of him, you can just switch out the paper bag for a plastic one. Easy fix."

Both girls erupted into a fix of giggles.

Kagome sighed. "Maybe you're right… I'm so sick of giving out a fake number…"

"You give out fake numbers?" Sango asked. "That's kind of passive, isn't it?"

"I'm kind of passive, Sango. What's your point?"

Sango chuckled. "I'm just picturing the poor schmucks getting their courage all plucked up only to be greeted by a crotchety old man or some bodega owner that doesn't speak a lick of english."

"Yeah, I'm actually starting to feel guilty about it... I mean, what if the number I give out actually does belong to someone? I never even thought about that before..."

"You mean you give out the same number every time?!" Sango asked incredulously.

"Well yeah. I've always just given my date of birth as the phone number." Kagome said.

"Oh my god, Kagome!" Sango said scoldingly. "How many people have you given that number to?"

"...lots...probably at least twenty-five or thirty over the last few years…"

Sango used her teeth to pull off the glove of her free hand before tucking it under her arm. Then, she reached into the side pocket of her vest and pulled out her cell phone. "I'm texting it." she said.

"No! Sango! You can't do that." Kagome made a quick grab for the phone, but Sango's reflexes proved quicker.

"The hell I can't!" she said as she jerked the phone away. "I gotta see if it's a real number. I just have to know." she said as they approached her building. When they entered the front door she slid her thumb across the screen of her phone and opened the message app. Sango was a detective studying to be a criminal profiler. She loved a good challenge, even when it wasn't a part of her job. "I really hope it's a guy." she mumbled.

Kagome watched her friend type as they ascended the staircase. "What are you saying?"

"I said, 'Hello, is this a person?'" Sango snickered.

They reached their floor and entered the apartment; gasping and shooting each other a look of excitement when the phone chimed only seconds later.

'Who the hell wants to know?'

"Oh! It's definitely a guy!" Sango said excitedly as she sat her coffee on the end table.

"How should we respond?" Kagome asked.

"Let's see…" Sango said, tapping her chin.

'What are you wearing?' She spoke the words aloud as she typed and sent the message.

"Don't mess with him! Don't you think he's already been messed with enough?" Kagome said.

*PING* the phone chimed again.

'I'm going to be wearing your ass as a shoe if you don't leave me the fuck alone.' Sango read his response before bursting out a cackle and theatrically falling over onto the sofa.

"Oh, I like this guy Kagome!" Sango giggled as she began typing another message. 'How are you going to kick my ass if you don't know who I am?'

'You better hope I never find out.'

'Is that a threat? How do you know I'm not a cop?'

'I don't give a rat's ass if you're the fucking president.'

At this point both women were huddled on the couch, giggling as they read the messages.

"Okay, what should I say next Kagome? I'll let you pick since this is your mystery guy." Sango said.

"Umm...let me see…" she furrowed her brow. "Ask him if he has a job or still lives with an ex-girlfriend." Kagome giggled.

'My friend wants to know if you have a job, or a live-in ex-girlfriend, or possibly a den of snakes living in your bedroom.'

"That's going to throw him for a loop." Sango said.

'I have a job, and I'm not sure what the difference is between an ex-girlfriend and a den of snakes, but I have neither living with me.'

"Yes!" Sango cheered, laughing. "We got him roped in now. He's a clever one too..."

'Who are you and where did you get my number?'

'A friend of mine has been using your number as a fake.' she replied.

"NO!" Kagome tried to slap the phone from Sango's hand.

Sango jerked the phone away. "I already hit send." she laughed.

"I can't believe you told him that!"

"It's fine. I'm the one who's number he has now, and you know I can deal with him." Sango said.

*PING*

The girls turned to the phone.

'Your friend's a bitch.' the message read.

"Ah!" Kagome gasped "That jerk!"

Sango raised her brows. "You're the one that's been giving out his number to random guys for years…"

Kagome deflated. "Oh yeah...point taken…"

*PING*

'Tell your little friend she needs to grow a backbone and stop giving out my fucking number.'

"Tell him I just want to apologize. Tell him I said I'm sorry." Kagome said.

'She just wants to apologize to you. She said she is sorry.'

'Tell her to text me herself then.'

"No way! I'm not giving him my number! He might be a psycho." Kagome said.

"It's fine. He's not a psycho. And you know I would take care of it if he caused any problems." Sango said.

Kagome sighed. "So you think he's not a psycho? What else do you think?" she asked with timid curiosity.

"Male, 25-35, middle class, never married, no kids..." Sango paused. "Possibly youkai." she added.

"Youkai?" Kagome questioned. "You really think so?"

"I'm like...maybe seventy-five percent sure." Sango said.

Kagome thought for a second. "What the hell." she said, slapping her knees. "I'll do it. What could it hurt?"

"There ya go!" Sango said. "You need a little adventure in your life."

Sango wrote him back. 'Okay, but just so you know, I actually am a cop, so don't be a jerk. Threatening bodily harm is enough justification for me to trace your number.'

'I'll play nice.'

"The ball's in your court." Sango said to Kagome.

Kagome fished her own phone from her purse and opened the message app.

'Hi, crazy phone number girl here. I just wanted to say that I'm very sorry for giving your number out all those times. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?' she typed and sent.

*Bing-bong* Kagome's phone chimed.

'Ask again later.' was his response.

Kagome frowned at her phone. "What? He's a magic eight-ball all the sudden?"

Sango laughed. "He's messing with you."

"What do I say?" Kagome asked.

"Nothing. Just ask him again later, like he said." Sango shrugged.

Kagome locked her screen and slid her phone onto the coffee table, thinking about what she was going to say when she wrote him again. She was kind of excited about it.

She let out a little giggle.

"What?" Sango asked.

"That was fun."

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Author's Note:

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I didn't want to start another story before I finished posting 'Palm of Your Hand', but that's not going to be done for another couple of months and I don't have the patience to wait. I'm just shoving another iron into the fire against my better judgement.

I'll be honest, I don't really have it all planned out yet, but I'm going to try to update once a week.

This story came to me mostly as a lot of funny lines that have popped into my head. I made notes of them, then started stringing them together into a story once a plot came to me.

Let me know what you guys think.

Have a nice day!

StoatsandWeasels

P.S. Yeah, I used the 'what are you wearing' joke again... I couldn't help it. I needed a set-up for the 'shoe-in-the-ass' line. It just seemed to fit there. I guess you can think of it as my calling card or something...