InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Phony Digits ❯ Bury the Hatchet ( Chapter 2 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Disclaimer: InuYasha is the property of Rumiko Takahashi. I have nothing.

Chapter Two: Bury the Hatchet

"It's not that all the girls there are hot, it's just that there are so many girls there. Like...three hundred at least..." Miroku said to his roommate as he jogged on the treadmill, his voice jarring with every heavy footfall. "So, even if the ratio of ugly chicks to bangable ones is like two to one, that's still one hundred bangable chicks, right? And to tell you the truth...at this point, I'd even be willing to bang an ugly one."

InuYasha rolled his eyes, although he was slightly amazed by his friends ability to ramble continuously while running without becoming short of breath. It was annoying as hell, but none the less impressive, for a human.

"So, are you coming with me or what?"

"To a church to pick up chicks?" InuYasha asked incredulously.

"Yeah." Miroku shrugged casually as if it were a perfectly normal thing to do.

"No. I already told you, no. Don't ask again." InuYasha said gruffly from his place on the sofa, in front of the television.

"And why not? Do you find it morally reprehensible?"

"No, I just find it pathetic...and I already have plans tonight, anyway."

"Oh, that's right, I almost forgot. You have to put in your hours with the queen..." Miroku said in a jaunty English accent.

"It's not like that you asshole." InuYasha said.

"I know what it's like. I have a really nice, clear view of it from the outside." he panted. "All the 'InuYasha did you renew your insurance?' 'InuYasha did you floss your teeth?' 'InuYasha, did you…"

"Okay!" InuYasha cut him off. "I get it!"

"How can you stand it though?" Miroku asked. "She treats you like a child."

"It's different when were alone. She's not always like that."

Miroku raised an eyebrow. "Right…" he drawled. "so you mean to tell me she's secretly a warm, caring person deep down?" he said, lifting his shirt-tail to wipe the sweat from his brow.

"Well, I don't know...it's just different, alright?"

"Oh...so you're saying she's good in the sack then?" Miroku asked, disbelieving.

At that InuYasha picked up a seat cushion from the sofa and flung it at his friend.

Miroku chuckled as he defected the large projectile with his arm. "I'm gonna have to take that as a 'no'…"

"Will you shut up already?" InuYasha snapped.

Just then, both men turned their heads to the sound of InuYasha's phone vibrating against the coffee table.

"Oh my god!" Miroku exclaimed, his eyes darting around the room dramatically. "She has the place bugged! I knew it!"

InuYasha picked up his phone and looked at the screen. "It ain't her, idiot." he said. Although he was a little freaked out there for a second...

He slid his finger across the screen and opened the message from an unfamiliar number. 'Hello, is this a person?' it read. InuYasha furrowed his brow.

"Who is it then?" Miroku asked.

"I don't know. Either a wrong number or someone just messing with me."

"Who the hell wants to know?" he typed back.

'What are you wearing?' The mystery texter replied.

"Yeah, it's definitely someone messing with me." InuYasha said.

Miroku turned off the treadmill and stepped off the track before folding it up to the locked position with a snap. He then strode over to the sofa, leaning over the back to watch the volley of messages over his roommate's shoulder.

"I'm going to be wearing your ass as a shoe if you don't leave me the fuck alone." InuYasha wrote back. Both men chuckled.

'How are you going to kick my ass if you don't know who I am?'

'You better hope I never find out.'

'Is that a threat? How do you know I'm not a cop?'

"Do you think it could be a girl?" Miroku asked.

InuYasha rolled his eyes. "Of course that's what you'd want to know." he said.

"Well, what if it is a girl and she really is a cop?" Miroku said as he rounded the front of the couch and took a seat next to his friend. "A young, sexy cop...with a uniform...and handcuffs…" he said dreamily.

InuYasha turned and gave his friend an impassive glare. "Really? You do know that the chances of this random person being a young, sexy female cop are like slim to none, right?" he said.

"Don't take my dreams away, Yash. They're all I have." Miroku said dramatically.

"I won't argue with that." InuYasha mumbled under his breath as he typed a response. 'I don't give a rat's ass if you're the fucking president.'

'My friend wants to know if you have a job, or a live-in ex-girlfriend, or possibly a den of snakes living in your bedroom.'

"Hey look," InuYasha said, turning his phone towards Miroku. "I'm starting to think this might actually be a girl. Maybe even two girls."

"Two girls!? Miroku shot upright, suddenly taking great interest.

InuYasha typed back. 'I have a job, and I'm not sure what the difference is between an ex-girlfriend and a den of snakes, but I have neither living with me.'

"Ask them who they are." Miroku said.

'Who are you and where did you get my number?'

'A friend of mine has been using your number as a fake.' came the response.

"What the fuck?!" InuYasha exclaimed, turning to Miroku. "It's the fucking bitch that's been giving out my number!"

"You're kidding?! What does she want?"

'Your friend's a bitch.' InuYasha wrote back.

"InuYasha!" Miroku scolded him. "Don't be so hasty! A girl who gives out fake numbers as often as she does is almost guaranteed to be hot."

"I don't give a damn." InuYasha said. "I already have a girlfriend, and I wouldn't be interested in this bitch even if I didn't."

"Well, you could put in a good word for me." Miroku said, pressing a hand to his chest.

InuYasha sighed. "No." he said flatly. "I don't have any good things to say about you."

Miroku let out an indignant huff, which went ignored by his roommate as he continued the text conversation with the possible, but not probable, sexy lady cop.

'Tell your little friend she needs to grow a backbone and stop giving out my phone number.'

'She just wants to apologize to you. She said she is sorry.'

'Tell her to text me herself then.'

"Yes! That's perfect!" Miroku nodded excitedly. "Then you'll have the guaranteed hottie's phone number too!"

'Okay, but just so you know, I actually am a cop, so don't be a jerk. Threatening bodily harm is enough justification for me to trace your number.' the mystery texter said.

Miroku gasped. "She is a cop! Ask her if she's hot?" he said, leaning in to get a better view of the screen.

"I ain't askin' her that, you dumbass." InuYasha said as he slapped his friend upside the head. "Besides she never actually said she was a girl. It could be a dude. And why are you sittin' so close to me?!" he said as he shoved Miroku away.

'I'll play nice.' InuYasha typed to the presumed lady cop.

Just seconds later his phone buzzed with a text from a different number.

'Hi, crazy phone number girl here. I just wanted to say that I'm very sorry for giving your number out all those times. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?'

InuYasha had started to type 'sure', but Miroku stopped him. "No," he said, placing his hand over the screen. "If you just forgive her then you won't have a reason to text each other any more."

"I don't want a reason to text her anymore." InuYasha argued.

"Come on!" Miroku nudged him with an elbow. "You're so boring. You have to admit, this is sort of fun."

"I can't string this girl along, Miroku. If Kikyo found out she'd kill me."

Miroku sighed. "I never imagined you'd end up pussy-whipped like this, InuYasha."

"I ain't pussy-whipped!" he said forcefully.

"Prove it then." Miroku challenged with a smirk.

InuYasha let out a long, contemplative breath, before lifting his phone and typing a response.

'Ask again later.' he typed and sent before turning to his sweaty friend. "You smell like ass, by the way." he said.

"I smell like a man." Miroku corrected proudly.