InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Phony Digits ❯ All Thumbs ( Chapter 3 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Disclaimer: InuYasha is the property of Rumiko Takahashi. I have nothing.

Chapter Three: All Thumbs

"We are going out tonight, Kagome. We are going out, and having drinks, and I'm going to teach you how to shoot a guy down with confidence." Sango said, slapping her friend on the knee. "You don't have your trusty old fake number to fall back on anymore."

"I'll just make up a new one." Kagome said.

"Oh no you won't! You have to be assertive, Kagome. You don't need that crutch anymore. Now c'mon. Get your shoes on. We're going shopping!" Sango spoke as if she were leading troops to war.

"Sir, yes Sir!" Kagome stood and saluted, before turning and marching toward the door.

Sango rolled her eyes and followed her. "We have to look extra cute tonight. You can't catch a fish without bait."

"But aren't we going to be shooting them down?" Kagome said as she pulled on her boots.

"We are, but just like fishing, it's still fun, even when you throw them back." Sango grinned mischievously.

"You're gonna make some lucky guy a fine wife one day Sango..." Kagome said facetiously, patting her best friend on the shoulder.

"You bet your ass I am." Sango said as the two women slipped out the door.

<<>>

"Bourbon, neat." Sango ordered the bartender as she slipped onto a barstool.

"You're so cool, Sango. Like a real-life western cowgirl." Kagome said as she climbed onto the stool next to her friend.

"And what can I get for you, Miss?" The bartender asked Kagome.

"Bourbon, neat." Kagome mimicked her friend as gruffly as she could manage, pounding her fist on the bar.

Sango chuckled. "Oh, Kagome...you are not gonna like it." she said shaking her head.

"How do you know? I might love it! I might become a bourbon connoisseur."

Sango rolled her eyes. "Just do me a favor and don't spit it back into the glass when you taste it. I still wanna be able to drink it."

The bartender returned with their drinks and Sango lifted her glass and took a sip as Kagome watched.

Slowly, Kagome lifted the glass to her nose and sniffed while Sango watched from the corner of her eye with amusement. "Smells alright." Kagome mumbled under her breath. Bringing the glass to her lips, she turned it up carefully and took the tiniest of sips. She closed her eyes as she fought the urge to spit into the glass. After forcing herself to swallow, she threw her hand over her mouth and coughed several times.

"So, how was it?" Sango asked, barely keeping a straight face.

"Bad!" Kagome choked. "It's bad!"

Sango threw her head back and laughed before reaching over and grabbing Kagome's glass, pouring the remaining contents into her own. "Bartender!" she called. "Can you get 'Clint Eastwood' over here a margarita on the rocks?" she raised her arm above Kagome's head and pointed down to her.

"Coming right up!" he called back.

While they were waiting, a man approached Sango and asked to buy her next drink. Sango stealthily turned to Kagome, winking and mouthing the words 'watch and learn'.

"Any other night I'd take you up on that offer, but you see I'm actually meeting someone here. Oh, there he is now!" Sango said, pointing across the room to the biggest scariest looking dude in the bar. "Oh, hey baby! Over here!" She waved and pretended to call him over.

"Uhh...sorry to bother you." The man said before turning and scurrying away.

Kagome chuckled. "Yeah, but won't he notice later that you aren't with that guy?"

"Sure, but by that time it will be clear that I was just shooting him down and he'll leave me alone." Sango said.

"So you just lie, then? That's your big 'secret technique'?" she punctuated with air quotes. "How is that any better than what I do?" she asked as the bartender sat her margarita before her and she uttered her thanks.

"You should ask your fake number guy. I bet he could come up with one very good reason why my way is better." Sango said, chuckling. "And no, lying really isn't my usual technique. Saying something along the lines of 'not interested', or 'hit the road, pal!'. That's more my style, but I don't think you are ready for that yet, Grasshopper."

Kagome chuckled mirthlessly. "I don't think I'll ever be ready for that…"

"Now, start batting your eyes or something. And drink that." Sango said, pointing to the margarita. "You're going to need some liquid courage."

Kagome picked up her drink and took a sip.

Sango glanced over Kagome's shoulder and her eyes widened. "Ooh! Incoming!" she whispered, tapping Kagome's arm.

Kagome turned around just as the guy was taking a seat on the unoccupied stool beside her.

"Hi there." he said. "Mind if I sit?"

"Uh, sure, go ahead." Kagome nodded.

"You know, I come here all the time and I've never seen you here before. I'm Josh." he said as he extended his hand.

"Kagome." she said, taking his hand and shaking it.

"Nice to meet you, Kagome."

Sango gave Kagome a little jab with her elbow. "Do it." she leaned in and whispered forcefully out of the corner of her mouth.

Kagome took a deep breath. "Umm… I should probably tell you now…I...umm..." Her eyes scanned the room, desperately searching for an excuse. "I'm...I'm pregnant!" she spouted out as she caught a glimpse of a pregnant woman on one of the big screen televisions. She wanted to slam her head into the bar. "Yes. That's right. Pregnant...that's what I am..." she trailed off. Ugh… I am such an idiot...

"Well...do you really think you should be drinking then?" the man furrowed his brow in concern.

She turned to her drink. "Oh, well, yes. Umm...about that, you see, there is a good explanation for this…" she chuckled nervously, picking up her glass and trying to think of what the 'good explanation' for a pregnant woman drinking alcohol could possibly be. "Uhh...the baby...is...a tequila youkai...er" she squinted her eyes and shook her head. "...hanyou. Yes, a tequila hanyou." she jabbered on as she pressed a hand to her midsection for dramatic effect. "The father was a tequila youkai...and...it needs nourishment." she said as she lifted her glass and took a sip.

"Uhh...O-kay…" the man said, narrowing his eyes skeptically, catching on to her obvious lie fairly early on. "I've never even heard of a tequila youkai before." he played along sheerly for entertainments sake. He'd never seen anyone crash and burn quite like this.

"Yep. I hadn't either until I...uhh...had sex with one…?" she finished slowly, ending the statement with an upward inflection that suggested that even she herself could not believe what she was saying. She closed her eyes and tried to mentally will herself to disappear. At this point Sango was already laying her head on the bar, shaking with laughter, fighting the urge to roll around on the floor.

"Well," the man cleared his throat. "It was nice meeting you."

Kagome just nodded, suddenly unable to formulate speech as the man rose up from his stool to leave. "Oh," he turned back to her. "and for future reference, you could have just said it was a virgin margarita. That would have been a much more believable lie." the man said with a smirk before turning and walking away.

As soon as the guy was out of earshot Sango let out a cackle. "Kagome!" she wheezed. "That was...I've never seen anything like it!"

Kagome picked up her margarita and downed the remainder, lifting and tapping the empty glass in a motion to the bartender for another.

"I hadn't either until I had sex with one!" Sango mocked, holding her sides as laugh induced tears gathered in her eyes. "I can't believe you said that. Oh, I have to write this down so I won't forget." she said as she pulled her phone from her pocket and began to type a note. "How is it possible to lie so badly, that even the person you're lying to feels the need to give you pointers? I wish I would have videoed it. I've never seen anything more awkward in my life." she said as she continued to laugh.

"You're enjoying this too much." Kagome said flatly, as she leaned on her elbows on the bar. "I'm definitely coming up with a new fake number." she sighed.

"You have my blessing now, Kagome." Sango said as she patted her friend on the back, her shoulders still shaking with laughter. "In fact, you can use my birthday if you want."

<<>>

Kagome took a cab home, and was relieved to find that her family members were all in bed when she arrived. She was an adult, but she was still uncomfortable with her family seeing her even slightly inebriated. I really need to get my own place…

She grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge before tiptoeing up the stairs as quietly as possible, entering the bathroom for her nightly rituals before slipping into her bedroom. She pulled her phone from her purse and texted Sango to let her know she had made it home okay. Sango replied with the same. Before she closed her text app the message thread between her and the fake number guy, whom she had since saved in her contacts under the name 'Phony Digits', caught her eye. Well...I guess it's technically later now...

'Do you forgive me yet?' she typed and sent.

She didn't get a response right away so she changed into her pajamas, plugged her phone into the charger and slid into bed. It is pretty late...maybe he's asleep. A few minutes later she almost jumped out of her skin when she heard the loud buzz of her phone vibrating against her nightstand. She grabbed the phone and felt a rush of excitement when she saw it was a text from 'Phony Digits'.

'Outlook not so good.'

"Grrr…" she growled. "Stubborn baka."

'So you're still magic 8 balling me?'

'Signs point to yes.'

Kagome rolled her eyes.

'Just say you forgive me and we can end this charade.'

'Don't count on it'

'Fine! You know what, I take it back! I'm not sorry! Suck a lemon!'

'Is that the best you got?'

Kagome tried to think of some of the insults she used to use on her little brother… "Aha!"

'The zoo called. They are wondering who let you out of your cage.'

Geez, that was so lame… She regretted sending it almost immediately.

'I was looking for a battle of wits, but you appear to have come unarmed.'

Ergh! what an ass! She tapped her finger to her chin as she tried to think of a better insult. Oh yes, I know!

'The only way you could ever get laid is if you crawled up a chicken's ass and waited.'

She chuckled to herself as she hit send.

'You're getting better.' he responded.

'Hey! You're not 8 balling me anymore. Does that mean you forgive me?'

'Most likely.'

Kagome sent a smiley emoji in representation of the real smile that had spread across her face.

'Goodnight fake number guy.'

'Goodnight crazy person.'

Kagome giggled before nestling into the blankets and quickly drifting off to sleep.

<<>>

A/N: Texts are italicized with single quotes, thoughts are italicized without any quotation marks. I hope that is not too confusing. I just couldn't really think of a better way to do it.