InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Pirates of the Sengoku Jidai ❯ The Duel ( Chapter 3 )

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or Pirates of the Caribbean. The joke used at the end of this chapter is the work of another fanfic author whose screen-name I can't remember. I, at several points, use references to other works such as Shrek, James Bond, and The Princess Bride. These will be followed by (Name sues.), indicating that I don't own the referenced material. If you don't like the story, I direct you to this advice from my beta reader:

O.k., this is a response to another review the author got. It flamed him, saying that "this idea was unoriginal and stupid." Now, as his friend and beta-reader, that pisses me off. And since he's my friend, if you insult him, you insult me. And I REALLY don't take insults very kindly. So, here's some advice: IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE DAMN STORY, THEN DON'T F-ING READ IT, YAROU!!!! READ SOMETHING ELSE!!! WE ARE NOT FORCING YOU TO READ THIS!!! YOU ARE UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO READ THIS FIC!!! OH, ONE MORE THING: *THIS IS A FANFIC!!!!* THIS IS SOMEONE'S IDEA OF A STORY LINE!!! SO SHUT UP, TAKE YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ARSE-HOLE, AND USE THE DAMNED BRAIN I'M PRETTY SURE YOU'VE GOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! O.K?!?!?!?!?!

Chapter Four

(A/N: Well here it is; the chapter we've all been waiting for. The meeting of the heroes.)

EXT. PORT IMPERIAL-TOWN-ALLEY-DAY

((An armed search party passes by, and glances into the alley. Once they're

satisfied that it is quite deserted, they continue onwards. As soon as they're out of sight, Miroku drops from his hiding place between the eaves of the building. Looking left to right, he darts across the street into the blacksmith shop.))

INT. BLACKSMITH'S FORGE-DAY

((There are no windows; the forge is lit entirely by lanterns. Work in progress is scattered about-wagon wheels, wrought iron gates, even a cracked cannon. Yet every tool is in place, and the workbench has been cleaned meticulously. Miroku tiptoes in and takes a hammer to break his chains. Just as he is about to make the attempt, he hears a loud noise coming from a dark corner of the shop. He wheels around and suppresses a laugh. The noise was a snore. The source was the blacksmith, MUSHIN. He is snoozing in a rocking chair, clutching a bottle of sake tightly in one hand. Miroku sniffs him, and recoils from the strong stench of alcohol. He is clearly drunk. Miroku pokes him hard, and is greeted with another snore. He starts to walk away, then spins around again, roaring at the drunken blacksmith. Nothing. Satisfied, Miroku turns his attention back to freeing himself of his chains. He places the chain against the manacle against the anvil and strikes it with the hammer. Despite several attempts, the chain does not break. Looking around, Miroku notices a large, donkey powered gear mechanism. He takes out a poker, heats it in the fire, and places it against the donkey's rear. It squeals and starts running, starting the gears turning.))

Donkey: Hey, Shrek, what'cha do that for? Can't we just chill and talk `bout onions or somethin'?

((Disney/Pixar sues. Miroku places the chain between the gears and they are crushed open. Just then he hears the sound of footsteps and the door latch being lifted. Quickly, he dives for cover. The door opens, and Inuyasha enters and shuts the door behind him. He grabs at the donkey.))

Inuyasha: Shh, shh. Calm down, you irritating, miniature beast of burden.

((Disney/Pixar sues again. The donkey finally calms down and stops moving. Inuyasha glances over at Mushin, still in a drunken stupor. He growls bitterly.))

Inuyasha: Right where I left you.

((And then he sees the poker lying on the floor. From there his amber eyes are drawn to the hammer lying next to the anvil. He walks over, picks it up, and stares at it critically. This is confusing.))

Inuyasha: Not where I left you.

((And then there is a blade against his throat. He turns his head just enough to see Miroku holding it. Slowly, Inuyasha backs away, but Miroku keeps the sword leveled at him. A scowl crosses Inuyasha's face. His ears go straight back, and a growl emanates from his throat.))

Inuyasha: You're the one they're hunting. The pirate.

((Miroku tips his head in acknowledgement.))

Miroku: Captain Miroku Suzume, at your service.

((He frowns, and looks at Inuyasha a bit closer.))

Miroku: You look familiar, hanyou. Have I threatened you before?

Inuyasha: I make it a point of avoiding familiarity with pirates.

Miroku: Do you always put unnecessary emphasis on the word `pirates?'

Inuyasha: Yessss. We hates them, we do. We hates the pirates. <Gollum, gollum>

((Peter Jackson and the Tolkein estate sue.))

Miroku: Well then, it would be a shame to put a black mark on your record. So if you'll excuse me…

((He lowers his sword. But before he can move towards the door, a sword leaps into Inuyasha's hands. The proverbial table has been turned. Miroku scowls, irritated.))

Miroku: Do you think this wise? Crossing blades with a pirate?

((He imitates the emphasis Inuyasha places on `pirate.' A malicious grin crosses Inuyasha's face.))

Inuyasha: You threatened Miss Higurashi.

Miroku: Only a little.

((But Inuyasha isn't listening. He lashes out with his blade. Miroku barely manages to get his up in time to block. For what seems like half an eternity, they stand trading feints, thrusts, and parries with lightning speed. Inuyasha easily matches Miroku…indeed, they seem to be equal.))

Miroku: You know what you're doing, I'll give you that. Excellent form. But how's your footwork?

((Inuyasha cocks his head to one side.))

Miroku: Watch. If I step here…

((He takes a step around an imaginary circle. Inuyasha steps in the other direction, maintaining his relationship with Miroku.)) **A/N: This is not a reference to my MST3K of `Nirvana.' No, Caitlin don't kill me! GAHHH!**

Miroku: Good. And if I step again, you step again. And so we circle, circle like dogs.

((Inuyasha growls, but continues to circle, until they come to the exact opposite of their original positions-Miroku now has his back to the door. The pirate smiles.))

Miroku: Ta.

((He turns and dashes for the door, but Inuyasha is quicker. He throws his sword with a vicious overhand. The sword buries itself in the latch, holding the door closed. Miroku rattles the latch and tries to remove the sword. He can't. He mouths a curse, but when he turns back to Inuyasha, he is smiling.))

Miroku: That's a nice trick, but there are two basic flaws. One: I can still use the backdoor.

**A/N: GAAH! Too many `Nirvana' references!**

Miroku: Two: You are, once again, in my way. And you no longer have a sword.

((Inuyasha somersaults backwards, grabbing the poker from the floor as he does so. Miroku's sword clash against it, and they are once again locked in a duel. Miroku forces Inuyasha back, their blades flashing and ringing. Suddenly, Miroku's fist snakes out in a punch. Inuyasha dodges, but the remaining chain wraps around his sword, disarming him. Immediately, he picks up another sword. Miroku glances around, and realizes that the entire shop is filled with bladed weapons.))

Miroku: Who makes all these?

Inuyasha: I do. And I practice with them five hours a day.

Miroku: You need to find yourself a girl, mate.

((He's struck a nerve. Inuyasha charges forward, blade flashing dangerously. Miroku parries expertly.))

Miroku: Or perhaps you've already found a girl, and are otherwise…incapable of wooing said strumpet. You're not a eunuch, are you?

((He leers suggestively at Inuyasha's nether regions. The inu-hanyou snarls))

Inuyasha: I practice five hours a day so that when I meet a pirate I can kill it.

((He pulls a second sword from a rack and explodes into action, his fighting as swift and deadly with two swords as with one. Miroku parries with sword and chain, but the beads of sweat forming on his brow attest that he is tiring. Again the chain wraps around one of Inuyasha's swords. This time, however, he is prepared for it. He twists the handle of his guard through a link and stabs the sword into the ceiling. Miroku is now suspended by his left arm from the ceiling. He twists, turns and parries as best he can, until he notices the bellows below his feet. He stomps down hard upon it, sending a blinding shower of sparks into Inuyasha's face. As the hanyou recoils, Miroku uses his full weight to pull the sword from the ceiling. He drops to the ground, and grabs two hammers from the table. The first misses Inuyasha by a mile, but the second strikes him on the wrist, forcing him to drop his sword. He picks it up, but when he straightens, he finds that Miroku has his pistol aimed between his eyes.))

Inuyasha: You cheated.

Miroku: Pirate.

((Inuyasha is standing directly in front of the back exit. Miroku hears marching footsteps on the street outside. He glares at Inuyasha.))

Miroku: Move.

Inuyasha: No.

Miroku: Please move.

Inuyasha: No.

Miroku: Pretty please with ramen on top?

Inuyasha: Ooo, ramen! …I mean, No.

((Miroku cocks back the hammer of his pistol.))

Miroku: This shot is not meant for you.

Inuyasha: I cannot stand aside and let you escape.

((The standoff lasts for what seems like eternity. In reality, it is more like a minute. And then…CRACK! Miroku crumples to the ground. Mushin stands behind him, his sake bottle broken open from impact. A beat. And then the doors explode inwards. Kouga and Ayame enter with the troops. Kouga glances at the unconscious pirate and chuckles softly.))

Kouga: Excellent work, Mr. Mushin. You've aided in the capture of a dangerous criminal.

Mushin: Jus' doin' my **hic** civic dooty. **hic**

((Kouga kicks Miroku.))

Kouga: I believe we will always remember this as the day Captain Miroku Suzume almost escaped.

((Miroku awakens exactly long enough to growl out-)

Miroku: Don't be witty.