InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Pirates of the Sengoku Jidai ❯ The Hunt ( Chapter 7 )

Chapter Eight

EXT. TORTUGA-DOCKS-DAY

((A long line of ragged, nasty-looking pirates stand along the docks. Miroku, Hiten, and Inuyasha walk up and down in front of them. Apparently, this is the crew.))

Hiten: Feast your eyes, Miroku…

Miroku: Captain Miroku.

Hiten: All of them tough, nasty, murdering, pillaging, raping, and every other sort of illegal -ing bastards. All faithful hands before the mast. And all of them damn crazy fools.

((Miroku looks skeptically at a rather short fellow, a black-haired boy named KOHAKU. The boy snarls at him and flips the middle digit. He next turns to a very old man named MYOGA. A flea perches on his shoulder.))

Miroku: Mr. Myoga: Do you have the courage and fortitude to follow orders and stay true in the face of danger and certain death?

((Silence.))

Hiten: Myoga's a mute, Captain. Poor devil had his tongue cut out.

((Myoga opens his mouth to demonstrate. ENTIRE CAST begins looking for barf bags.))

Hiten: He's trained the flea to talk for him. No one's quite figured how.

((Miroku pauses, glances at the flea.))

Miroku: Mr. Myoga's…uh…flea. Same question.

**A/N: When the speech is accredited to Myoga, I'm talking about the flea.**

Myoga: No. I'm a coward, remember?

((The Author squashes him.))

Myoga: Er…I mean…Wind in your SAILS! Wind in your SAILS!

Hiten: Mostly, we figure that means yes.

((Miroku steps back, addresses the whole crew. As he speaks, Scots Wha' Hae by Robert Burns begins playing in the background.))

Miroku: That goes for the rest of you. Danger and almost certain death! We're chasing the Shikon no Tama, so if you want to go down to a coward's grave, feel free to leave. But if any among you has any scrap of bravery…let him follow me!

Voice: What's it worth to us?

((The inspirational music breaks off mid-note. Miroku falters, then stomps down the dock after the voice. At the end of the line, the speaker stands, arms crossed over chest and a low-slung hat concealing face. Miroku quizzically lifts the hat))

Miroku: (Croc Hunter) It's a girl one!!!

((To be specific: A black-haired girl, with a long ponytail, hazel eyes, and an apparently permanent scowl.))

Miroku: Sango?

((You guessed it…Slap! Miroku spits out a few teeth and resolves to get a dental plan the very first chance he gets. Inuyasha smirks.))

Inuyasha: I suppose you didn't deserve that one either?

Miroku: No, that one I definitely deserved.

Sango: You stole my boat!

((Slap!))

Miroku: Sango, please…

((Slap!))

Miroku: I borrowed your boat!

Inuyasha: Commandeered, you mean. That's the `nautical term', isn't it?

((Slap!))

Miroku: Shut-ow-up. I had every intention of-ow-bringing it back.

Sango: But you didn't.

((Slap!))

Miroku: I'll get you another one!

Sango: You'd better.

Inuyasha: It'll be a better one.

Miroku: Yes, a much better one.

Inuyasha: That one!

((He motions to the Kirara.))

Miroku: That one?

((Sango gives him a level 10 skunk eye. After he puts out the fire in his hair, he acquiesces.))

Miroku: Yes, that one.

((Sango actually smiles. Then she slams a massive boomerang onto his head. He crumples to the dock, unconscious.))

Hiten: A little much, don't you think?

((She tries to pull Miroku's hand off her butt. It might as well be stuck with Krazy Glue.))

Sango: Apparently, not enough

((Miroku awakens, grins.))

Miroku: Well, now that that's settled…all aboard!

((Sango is the first up the gangplank.))

Hiten: Stop her, Captain! It's terrible bad luck to have a woman on board!

((Miroku rubs the large bump forming on his head.))

Miroku: Believe me, it'll be far worse not to have her.

EXT. HMS KIRARA-MAIN DECK-TIME UNKNOWN

((A flash of lightning. A wave slams over the railing, knocking Inuyasha off his feet and very nearly throwing him overboard. He struggles to his feet, then drops on all fours and shakes himself dry. This is of course futile as they are caught in a RAINSTORM. Miroku stands at the helm, supremely calm, as though he doesn't notice the storm. The crew scurry across the deck, doing everything in their power to keep the ship afloat. Excellent sailors, but Hiten snarls in irritation.))

Hiten: The fool will have us lose our canvas, and the mast besides!

((He staggers up to Miroku. He has to shout to be heard over the din of the storm.))

Hiten: Sir, the storm is too much! We have to drop canvas!

((Miroku looks at him, wondering why he's shouting.))

Miroku: She can last a while longer, I think.

Hiten: What's in your head, you damn fool?

((Miroku holds up his compass in answer.))

Miroku: We're catching up.

EXT. SHIKON NO TAMA-CROW'S NEST-DAY

((The ship is surrounded by fog. Musou stands in the crow's nest, keeping watch. He spots land ahead.))

Musou: Land ho! Isla de Muerta off the port bow!

((ON DECK, Naraku moves to the rail. The fog parts slightly and he sees Isla de Muerta. Imposing, rocky cliffs rise straight out of a slate gray sea. An ominous air hangs about the place.))
Naraku: Bring her in, but not too close. We can't try the reef until high tide.

We'll make anchor before dark…if she doesn't first sink back to whichever hell she comes from. Kuukuukuu…

EXT. HMS KIRARA-MAIN DECK-DAY

((Miroku leans against a wall, studying his compass intently. The pointer spins wildly, finally settling on northeast.))

Miroku: Three points starboard!

((Sango turns the ship starboard, but at that moment, the compass needle swings again, landing on southeast.))

Miroku: Six points port!

((Sango looks back at him. When he doesn't respond, she acquiesces, swinging the ship until it's heading in the opposite direction. Inuyasha growls, realizing that he's being led by a madman. He glances at Hiten.))

Inuyasha: How can we sail to an island that no one can find with a compass that doesn't work?

Hiten: Oh, the compass works just fine.

Inuyasha: It doesn't point north!

Hiten: Whoever said we were trying to find north?

((Inuyasha blinks, realizing the strange logic in Hiten's words.))

Inuyasha: How did Miroku come by that compass, anyway?

Hiten: No one's quite sure. Not much is known about Miroku Suzume…

Miroku: Captain Miroku Suzume!

((Hiten doesn't miss a beat.))

Hiten: …before he showed up in Tortuga with a mind to go after the treasure of the Isla de Muerta. That was before I knew him, back when he was captain of the Shikon no Tama.

((Inuyasha arches an eyebrow.))

Inuyasha: He failed to mention that.

Hiten: Plays his cards closer to his belt these days. Hard learned lesson it was. A few days out his first mate comes to him, and says if everything's equal shares, that should include the location of the treasure. Being an honest scalawag, Miroku gives up the bearings. That night, there was a mutiny. They marooned him on an island, left him to die. But not before he'd gone mad with the heat.

((Inuyasha arches an eyebrow.))

Inuyasha: Is that the reason for all the…

((He can't find the words, and simply imitates Miroku's drunken swagger. Hiten shakes his head.))

Hiten: Reason's got nothing to do with it, hanyou.

((He motions for Inuyasha to sit. It's been a while since anyone listened to him.))

Hiten: When a pirate is marooned, he's given a pistol with a single shot. That isn't much good for hunting or getting rescued. But after three weeks of starvation and thirst, you start thinking about playing some Russian games.

Inuyasha: Huh?

Hiten: Russian roulette?

((Inuyasha cocks his head to the side in confusion. Hiten sighs, puts a finger to his head.))

Hiten: BANG!

((Inuyasha nods, finally comprehending.))

Hiten: But things didn't get that far with Miroku. He escaped the island, and he's still got the one shot. He won't use it though, save on one man. His mutinous first mate.

Inuyasha: Naraku.

Hiten: Aye, that's the one. You're smarter than I gave you credit for.

Inuyasha: Thanks…I think. How did Miroku get off the island?

((Before Hiten can reply, Kohaku joins the conversation.))

Kohaku: He didn't! That thing captaining us is naught but a ghost, what cannot rest in peace until he is revenged on Naraku!

((Myoga's flea bounces past.))

Myoga: Genie's three wishes! Genie's three wishes!

((At the helm, Sango laughs derisively.))

Sango: You're barking mad, the lot of you! Miroku built a bird feeder, and every time a gull swept in to eat, he snapped its neck and plucked its feathers. Soon enough, he'd amassed enough feathers to build a pair of wings and fly away.

((Everybody seems to have heard a different version of the story. Hiten snorts, and decides to set the record straight. Or at least firmly crooked.))

Hiten: Insane, you are! Miroku waded out into the shallows, and stood there for three days and three nights, `til all manner of sea creatures became accustomed to his presence. On the fourth day, he roped himself four sea turtles, lashed them together to make a raft, and sailed away.

Inuyasha: Sea turtles?

Hiten: Sea turtles.

Inuyasha: So what did he use for rope?

Miroku: Human hair.

((Hiten and Inuyasha whip their heads around. Miroku is standing behind them. Apparently, he snuck up on them while they were talking. He clarifies his statement.))

Miroku: From my back.

INT. SHIKON NO TAMA-KAGOME'S CABIN-EVENING

((Kagome is curled up on her bed in a fetal position. Kikyo and Hojou enter. Kikyo holds up the medallion as Hojou helps her to her feet.))

Kikyo: It's time, bitch.

((Kagome spits on her. Kikyo howls with rage and dives forward, sword drawn, but Hojou blocks with his body. The sword lodges itself in his chest, and his wooden eye pops out.))

Hojou: S-stop! We n-need her blood!

(Kikyo snarls, but pulls her sword out of him, accidentally impaling herself in the process.))

Kikyo: What in the Seven Hells did I do to deserve this? Besides all the sinning.

((Hojou shrugs good-naturedly, and collects his false eye.))

EXT. ISLA DE MUERTA-CAVE ENTERANCE-EVENING

((Kagome is led onto the island, and Naraku places the medallion around her neck. In the distance, the moon is just beginning to peek over the horizon. Kagura squints at it.))

Kagura: Moonlight soon. First night of the full.

((Naraku grins. The pirates move, as a whole, towards the cave. As the moon rises, a beam of light strikes the cave, which rears back into a giant panther head made of sand.))

Cave of Wonders: WHO DARES DISTURB MY SLUMBER?

((Disney sues.))

Author: Hold it, hold it, hold it!

((Everything freezes.))
Author: Okay, that's just too much. Cave, I think you want the Aladdin lot next door.

Cave of Wonders: Damn typecasting.

Author: You're a cave! How much can you do?

Cave of Wonders: I am not a cave! I just play one on TV.

Author: How do you play a cave?

Cave of Wonders: Like this: WHO DARES DIS-

Author: Yeah, yeah that's really great, but I've got a story to do, and it calls for a non-sentient cave.

Cave of Wonders: But…but…

Author: Goodbye.

((He waves his hand, and the Cave explodes into a million tiny pieces and is replaced by a regular cave. The scene restarts, and the pirates and Kagome continue into the cave like nothing out of the ordinary had happened.))

INT. ISLA DE MUERTA-CAVES-NIGHT

((The group walks close together, with Kikyo dragging Kagome behind her. The cave is lit entirely by torchlight, which glints eerily off the mounds of silver and gold. Hojou, busily plucking splinters out of his eye socket, doesn't notice the crevice ahead of him until he almost falls in. Naraku's arm snakes out and catches him just short of it.))

Naraku: Watch yourself, mate! Fall down there, and you'd miss the Judgment Day, for Kami himself wouldn't dare to look for you there.