InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Pirates of the Sengoku Jidai ❯ The Curse and Tortuga ( Chapter 6 )

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or Pirates of the Caribbean. I, at several points, use references to other works such as Shrek, James Bond, and The Princess Bride. These will be followed by (Name sues.), indicating that I don't own the referenced material. If you don't like the story, I direct you to this advice from my beta reader:

O.k., this is a response to another review the author got. It flamed him, saying that "this idea was unoriginal and stupid." Now, as his friend and beta-reader, that pisses me off. And since he's my friend, if you insult him, you insult me. And I REALLY don't take insults very kindly. So, here's some advice: IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE DAMN STORY, THEN DON'T F-ING READ IT, YAROU!!!! READ SOMETHING ELSE!!! WE ARE NOT FORCING YOU TO READ THIS!!! YOU ARE UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO READ THIS FIC!!! OH, ONE MORE THING: *THIS IS A FANFIC!!!!* THIS IS SOMEONE'S IDEA OF A STORY LINE!!! SO SHUT UP, TAKE YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ARSE-HOLE, AND USE THE DAMNED BRAIN I'M PRETTY SURE YOU'VE GOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! O.K?!?!?!?!?!

Chapter Seven

INT. SHIKON NO TAMA-KAGOME'S CABIN-NIGHT

(Kagome stalks back and forth across the cabin, evidently distraught. Well, duh. The door opens and Kikyo and Hojou enter. Kikyo holds a black silk gown.))

Kikyo: You're to be dining with Captain Naraku, bitch. And he says you're to wear this.

((She holds out the dress.))

Kagome: Tell the captain that I am disinclined to acquiesce to his request.

((Hojou grins stupidly.))

Kikyo: He said you'd say that.

Hojou: Yup. And he said that if that were the case, you'd be dining with the crew…naked.

((By now, Hojou is drowning in a puddle of his own drool. Kagome snatches the dress from Kikyo's hands.))

Kagome: Pull your boyfriend there out of his drool and go give him mouth-to-mouth somewhere…bitch.

Kikyo: Who you callin' bitch, bitch?

Kagome: You, bitch.

Author: Ahem. Let's move on before my mom grounds me for writing so many swear words.

((Kikyo growls and give both Kagome and the author many Glares O' Death.â"¢))

Kikyo: Fine.

((She turns to leave, but slips on Hojou's drool, hits her head and DIES.))

INT. BLACK PEARL-CAPTAIN'S CABIN-NIGHT

((Kagura and Musou quietly set the table. Naraku nods, telling them to leave. He glances over Kagome with critical eye. The dress accentuates her figure nicely; the song `Lovely' from A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum-which I don't own-starts playing in the background.))

Naraku: Maid or not, it fits you.

Kagome: Dare I ask the fate of its previous owner?

((Naraku smiles, amused.))

Naraku: None of that. Please, dig in.

((Kagome takes her seat. She cuts off a small chunk of meat and eats it daintily. Naraku laughs.))

Naraku: There's no need to stand on ceremony, nor call to impress, my dear. Eat! You must be ravenous.

((She drops the pretense; she's hungry and she eats like it. Naraku has locked his gaze on her. His face is expressionless, but he seems absolutely fascinated. He holds out a goblet.))

Naraku: Try the sake.

((A huge gulp pours down Kagome's throat. She grabs a hunk of bread and messily devours it. Naraku takes an apple from its plate and places it in her hand.))

Naraku: The apples. One of those next.

((Kagome hesitates. She is finally aware of Naraku's gaze, and it has occurred to her that he isn't eating.))

Kagome: It's poisoned!

((Naraku finds this very amusing. He laughs raucously.))

Naraku: Kuukuukuu! There's no sense in killing you, Miss Ikkitousen.

Kagome: Then why aren't you eating?

Naraku: Would that I could.

((His expression is no longer amused, angry, or anything of the sort. Haunted would be the best word for it. He produces the medallion and lets it dangle between his fingers.))

Naraku: Do you know what this is, girl?

Kagome: A pirate medallion.

Naraku: Just because it has a skull on it? You're a fool, Miss Ikkitousen. This is much more than a pirate medallion. This is Aztec gold! Blood money paid to Cortez himself. He was given all the gold the temple had on the condition that he spare the people's lives. Of course, Cortez being Cortez, he didn't. He would have made a great pirate, that one.

((On it's nearby perch, Naraku's toad demon begins to shriek. He walks towards it handing it the medallion. Kagome takes the opportunity to palm her knife.))

Naraku: The pagan gods put a terrible curse on the gold. None can remove even a single piece of the gold from its chest. If they do, then, as they were compelled by greed, by greed they would be consumed.

((Kagome frowns; she was under the impression that Naraku was a man of reason.))

Kagome: I hardly believe in ghost stories anymore, Captain Naraku.

((Naraku snorts, and the toad demon continues to shriek, but louder now. the pirate begins to circle the table, becoming more agitated by the second.))

Naraku: Ghost story? Aye, that's what I thought when I first heard the tale. Accursed gold buried on an island of the dead which cannot be found, save by those who already know where it is? Stuff and nonsense, right, Miss Ikkitousen?

((He leans directly in front of her face.))

Naraku: RIGHT?

((Kagome nods once. Naraku's speech is frantic now, interspersed with manic laughs.))

Naraku: WRONG! It's no make-believe, and I know! My crew and I, we found the island, we found the gold, and we took it. Every piece! We were rich men. Kuukuukuu…we spent it all on food, and drink, and pleasurable company. But the more we spent, kuukuukuu…the more we realized the truth. The drink did not satisfy. The food turned to ash in our mouths. Kuukuukuukuukuu! And all the pleasurable company in the world would not slake our lust.

((Kagome stands, begins to back away from Naraku, who is clearly LOSING HIS MIND. But he keeps at her, backing her into a corner.))

Naraku: We are cursed men, Miss Ikkitousen, forever consumed by our greed. There is but one way to end our torment; all the scattered pieces must be recovered, and the blood repaid. Kuukuukuu…thanks to you we have the last piece.

((Kagome summons up the courage for a question.))

Kagome: And the blood to be repaid?

Naraku: That's why there's no sense in killing you…yet.

((He picks up the apple from the floor and holds it out; once again his face is emotionless.))

Naraku: Apple?

((With a roar of fury, Kagome drives the knife she had palmed earlier into Naraku's heart, right up to the hilt. He stumbles back, blinks. And then, with no effort, he pulls it out; the knife is smeared with blood; none graces Naraku's person.))

Naraku: I'm curious. After killing me, what exactly were you planning on doing?

((With a scream, Kagome whirls around and runs for the door…))

EXT. SHIKON NO TAMA-MAIN DECK-NIGHT

((…and comes to a dead stop. The crew is everywhere, working their stations-swabbing the deck, coiling lines, navigating the ship. All in a normal days work for a pirate, right? But under the eerie glow of the moon, there is neither flesh nor muscle upon their body; their clothes are tattered rags. This is a ship of the dead. Kagome closes her eyes and makes a futile break for it. A skeletal Kikyo grabs her and hisses. Kagome wriggles out of her grasp, but the skele-Kikyo gives chase. They run to the steering wheel, and Kagome spins it, knocking Kikyo's HEAD OFF. The undead pirate simply reattaches the skull and snarls angry. Kagome runs, trips, tumbles into a hole in the ship; she is caught by four pirates shaking out a blanket. They hurl her up into the air. Skeleton Hojou swings past on a rope, swooping up Kagome. Of course, being Hojou, he drops her, and crashes into the mast. Somehow Kagome survives the fall, landing on her feet. She runs for her cabin, but Captain Naraku blocks her path. He stands just out of the moonlight, and so appears perfectly normal. He grabs her roughly, and turns her to face his undead crew.))

Naraku: Look! LOOK! The moonlight shows us for what we really are! Kuukuukuu…we are not of the living, so we cannot die. But neither are we dead!

((He spins her back around. She begins to slowly back away, but Hojou, Kikyo, and Rouyakan block her path.))

Naraku: We have all the desires of the living, yet we cannot satisfy them! Too long I've been thirsty, and unable to quench it. I have been starving to death for eternity, and I haven't died! Kuukuukuukuukuu! I feel nothing! Not the spray of the sea, nor the wind in my hair…nor the flesh of a beautiful woman.

((He raises his arm and reaches towards Kagome. As the moonlight spills onto it, the baboon skin tears and fades, and the skin melts away. Kagome flinches as the captain grabs at her. With a laugh he steps into the moonlight, his flesh boiling away. He grabs a bottle of sake and uncorks it with his teeth.))

Naraku: You'd best start believing in ghost stories, Miss Ikkitousen. You're in one!

((He drains the bottle in a single gulp, and shatters it on the ground. As she watches, his drink pours down his throat, passing through his ribcage and drenching his clothes. Kagome SCREAMS, runs past him into her cabin. Naraku slams the doors behind her, turns back to the assembled crew.))

Naraku: Kuukuukuukuukuukuukuu!

((The skeleton crew joins in his laughter, but he stops abruptly and glares at them.))
Naraku: What are you lot looking at? BACK TO WORK!

EXT. HMS KIRARA-MAIN DECK-DAY

((Miroku is at the helm; Inuyasha stands at the side of the ship nearby, relating his life story.))

Inuyasha: After my mother passed away, I came out here looking for my father.

Miroku: Is that so?

Inuyasha: I'm not a fool, Miroku.

Entire Cast: Yes, you are!

((Inuyasha ignores them.))

Inuyasha: It was only after you learned my name that you agreed to help me. Since that was what I wanted, I didn't press the matter. But now…You knew my father.

((Miroku pauses; he seriously doubts Inuyasha is ready to hear this.))

Miroku: I knew him, yes. I'm probably the only one outside his family who knew his real name. Everyone else called him Bootstrap Inu-taisho. Good man. Good pirate.

((Inuyasha's sword is out of its sheath in an instant.))

Inuyasha: That's a lie! He was a merchant, a good man who respected the law!

((Miroku rolls his eyes; he's getting tired of Inuyasha's self-righteous attitude.))

Miroku: Put it away. You're just going to lose again, and waste a bloody lot of time.

Inuyasha: You didn't beat me! You ignored the rules of engagement! In a fair fight, I'd kill you!

Miroku: Well, that doesn't give me much incentive to fight fairly, does it?

((He turns the wheel sharply to the right. The boom swings across, hitting Inuyasha in the gut. The hanyou drops his sword and is swung out above the water. Miroku picks up his sword.))

Miroku: Now, as long as you're just hanging there, listen up: There are only two things in life that matter-what a man can do, and what a man can't do.

Inuyasha: I'm not a man, I'm a hanyou.

Miroku: You're a male, correct?

Inuyasha: Yes.

Miroku: Then you're a man. Now as I was saying, either you can accept that your father was a good man and a pirate, or you can't, but pirate is in your blood, and someday you'll have to square with that.

Obligatory Foreshadowing Music: Dun Dun DUN!

Miroku: And me, I can kill you here. But I can't bring this ship into Tortuga all by my onesy. Savvy?

((Inuyasha nods as best as he is able while hanging from the boom. Miroku turns the wheel in the opposite direction, allowing the hanyou to drop onto the deck. He dusts himself off and glances up at Miroku.))

Inuyasha: Tortuga?

Miroku: Oh, did I forget to mention that?

((Inuyasha shrugs, starting to get used to Miroku's idiosyncrasies. The pirate laughs and we CUT TO-))

EXT. TORTUGA-STREET-DAY

((Miroku leads Inuyasha down the street; he's in a very good mood. All around them, people are brawling, cursing, and doing every other immoral thing imaginable.))

Miroku: It's a poor soul that has never breathed the sweet bouquet that is Tortuga.

((Above them, a window opens, and a woman hurls a bucketful of fecal matter onto Inuyasha's head. Miroku doesn't notice.))

Miroku: I tell you, mate, if every town were like this one, there'd be no problems.

((An attractive REDHEAD emerges from the crowd and makes her way towards Miroku. He beams.))

Miroku: Giselle!

Redhead: Don't you `Giselle' me!

((Slap! Miroku holds his bruised cheek as the redhead storms off. He shrugs at Inuyasha.))

Miroku: I don't think I deserved that one.

((As he turns back around, he finds himself facing a second girl, a BLONDE.))

Blonde: Who was that?

Miroku: Uh…well, the thing about that is…

((Slap! The blonde storms off. Miroku begins considering a dental plan.))

Miroku: I definitely didn't deserve that one.

INT. TORTUGA STABLES-DAY

((A man dressed in a tattered Navy suit is slumped in the mud, resting his arms on the two pigs huddled next to him. It is Hiten, the superstitious crewman from Chapter One. What's landed him in Tortuga is the exclusive knowledge of Kami-sama. Inuyasha and Miroku enter, each carrying a bucket full to the brim with water. Miroku cocks back his bucket…

Splash! A wave of water washes over Hiten's face. He is awake instantly, a nasty-looking dirk leaping into his hands.))

Hiten: Curse you for breathing, you slack-jawed idiot!

((He stops, blinks, recognizes Miroku.))

Hiten: Miroku! You shouldn't wake a man when he's sleeping. Terrible bad luck.

Miroku: Fortunately, I know how to counter it: The man who did the waking buys the man who was sleeping a drink, and the man who was sleeping drinks it, while listening to a proposition from the man who did the waking.

((Still half-sleeping, and still mostly drunk, Hiten takes a moment to figure out what Miroku is saying. When he finally gets it-after about fifteen minutes, he breaks into a grin.))

Hiten: Yes, that'll about do it…but it needs to be three drinks.

Miroku: How about four, just to be on the safe side?

Hiten: Now you're speaking my language.

((He stumbles forward…into another wave of water from Inuyasha's bucket.))

Hiten: Damn you, I'm already awake!

Inuyasha: That was for the smell.

INT. TORTUGA-BAR-DAY

((Miroku and Hiten sit down at a table. Each has a tankard of sake in hand. Inuyasha stands nearby, hand on Tetsusaiga should trouble arise.))

Hiten: All right, what's the nature of this venture of yours? Knowing you, it's likely dangerous, insane, and nigh-suicidal.

Miroku: Good guess. I'm going after the Shikon no Tama.

((Hiten is in mid-quaff when Miroku makes his intentions clear. He coughs, sputtering sake onto the table and floor.))

Hiten: That's not nigh-suicidal, it is suicidal. And that's by your standards. You know better than I the stories they tell about the Shikon no Tama.

Miroku: Exactly. I know where it's going to be. I know what Naraku is up to. I'm going to take the ship. All I need is a crew.

Hiten: Naraku is not one to suffer fools.

Miroku: Good thing I'm not a fool, then.

Entire Cast: Yes you are!

Hiten: All right, then, Mr. Not A Fool. How do you propose we take the Shikon no Tama?

Miroku: It's just a question of the proper leverage.

((Hiten cocks his head to the side in confusion. Miroku motions towards Inuyasha with his head. Predictably, Hiten doesn't understand. Finally, Miroku has to take the man's head in his hands, and point his eyes at Inuyasha.))

Miroku: That is the son of Bootstrap Inu-taisho. His only son if you catch my drift.

((The pirate plops back down onto his chair. Hiten smiles.))

Hiten: Leverage, you say? I think I feel a change in the wind, says I.

((They raise their tankards for a toast.))

Miroku: Take what you can!

Hiten: Give nothing back!

((They slam the tankards together and drain the remaining contents in one gulp.))