InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Playing for Keeps ❯ In the Name of Love ( Chapter 1 )

Welcome, everyone! I wanted to work on my other stories but you see, something horrible happened and I'm very sad. I have in some ways exaggerated what happened to me and in some ways I was unable to put in other things that made the situation feel much worse. I don't own Inuyasha, ok?

 

Playing for Keeps

Pt 1: In the Name of Love

“Listen, you know I love you, but I just can't take this. You know I love you, but I'm playing for keeps. Although I need you, I'm not gonna make this. You know I want to, but I'm in too deep. … I can feel your eyes go through me, but I don't know why.”- In too deep, Genesis (yes I know it's not a new song, but it's a good one!)

 

 

This is just not the future that I had expected. Naturally, I had imagined some possibilities, but this was not really one of them. I guess that I am suffering solely from my failure of imagination… Yes, I had thought about it, but I had not expected it to happen in real life. I did not really expect this turn of fate.

 

Here I am, Higurashi Kagome, high school student. I had finally begun high school while still managing to help my friends back in the Sengoku Jidai. We thought that we could find all the Shikon no Kakera and that I could finish the job relatively quickly, but again our expectations were off. There were so many factors that we couldn't take into account at that time… but it was more than just that. In many ways, I did not want to end the journey, although I knew that I needed to return to where I belong- to my time with my family. What I did not expect was to become quite so attached to this other time, to my friends, to my dear Inuyasha…

 

Naturally, when he finally realized that he cared for me and that Kikyo was only his love from the past, I did feel somewhat sorry for her even considering what she had done to me. My heart was so full of love and joy for Inuyasha that I could forgive her anything. I had him and he had me- that was enough for me. At the same time, I was insanely happy that he had chosen life- life with me- over death in hell with her for eternity. Of course we did not know what would happen between us exactly as time dragged on relentlessly. How could we predict the future? No one else can, so we couldn't hold onto such ridiculous fantasies… We weren't even sure that we would be allowed to be together forever. But having known all that, why does it hurt so much now?

 

I suppose that I should have known that our relationship was doomed when I had to stay in my own time more to study and to go to class. The amount of information and the necessity of being in class increased much more than I could have ever imagined. No longer could I possibly stay out of school as much as I had been doing. Even as I stared out the window while taking a break and dreamed of being back then, I could not leave no matter how I felt- no matter how much I wanted to be with Inuyasha and to have him hold me in his arms.

 

When I would return through the well, he would smile and during those times when I could look into his eyes, I knew for a fact that he loved me. We spent time together and talked about everything. Sometimes he would be dense, but he was always somewhat that way. But as time dragged on and on, his smile did not always reach his eyes and I could feel that he was distancing himself from me emotionally... and it hurt like hell. Should I have said something to him about it then? Yes, I know that I should have, but I didn't... I didn't simply because I did not want to invade his privacy! Therein began the tensions between us.

 

We couldn't bring ourselves to talk about the unmentioned strain. After all, he hated it when I doubted him like I did before he chose me over Kikyo. Back then. he promised me that he would tell me about things that affected me. For this reason, I didn't challenge him on his silence. Intuitively I knew that he had something to confess. Despite all of this, he would still say that he loved me and act accordingly. I kept trusting and received nothing to vanquish my doubts. When he acted like there was nothing wrong, it hurt me more than if he had been more indifferent to me.

 

In the end, I was right… but I didn't want to be right. There was something important that I needed to know, but he wouldn't tell me. I figured that after years of close friendship and love, that he would tell me when it became absolutely necessary After months of lies, he finally decided to tell me the truth about what else he had been doing when I was gone. At that time, I was so glad that he was being even somewhat honest with me that I just did not press him on a couple of things that didn't make sense. Why should I have questioned him? He loved me. He would come back for me…

 

 

Flashback to three days ago:

“I'm so sorry that I've been away, but it was necessary. So much was happening,” he looks away,” and I just could not involve you in it. I apologize if you felt neglected. That was never my intention. I only want to make you happy. You were so busy with school and stuff… how could I burden you with such things? ”

 

He touches my face gently with the back of his hand. Yes, this is the real him- he is no longer hiding from me! I catch my breath and almost overflow with shining tears of joy.

 

Smiling softly, I break the silence and grab his hand with both of mine. “Inuyasha, I'm so glad that you told me where you've been. I was worried that you didn't really care about me anymore… but I suppose that was wrong. I still wish that you had told me. I can handle disturbing news- I would like to be there for you, to offer my support- no matter how horrible the news is.”

 

He opens his mouth but words do not come out immediately. “I guess that I should have considered that. Perhaps I should've said something…” He gets lost in a few moments of introspection. Being patient as ever, I wait, but he doesn't make a move to say anything. Instead, he puts his arm around me and cuddles me close to him as if to comfort himself. He buries his face in my loose hair and sighs.

 

Slightly annoyed that he broke off the conversation, I decide to press him further. “Looking back on it, dear, why did you come back to me, Inuyasha?”

 

He sets his chin on top of my head and bites his lip. After considering my question, he stutters out, “Um, I did… because I love you.” He whispers the last part and then with closed eyes, he turns me around to face him and pulls me into a tender embrace. My doubts are quelled as he gently puts his lips to my own. Oh Inuyasha, my love. How could I ever have doubted you?

 

My conscious mind begins to think- but Kagome, he did not explain why he didn't just tell you? Should you forgive him this easily? Mentally I pout. Hey; shut up. Can't you see that I am a little busy? But wait, the voice says, should you really forget everything that he put you through without saying anything more? Don't you remember all those nights of tearless sobs of frustration? Are you sure that you should still accept him so completely? With everything that is in me, I ignore the voice.

 

The silver-haired hanyou holds my head in his hands as he moves closer to me and looks deeply into my eyes as if transfixed by my gaze. Slowly and almost reverently, he moves even closer and presses his warm body against my own. Shivering with intense happiness, we sit down on the sweet green grass. Slowly, he puts his arms around me and runs his fingers through my long black hair. In response, I reach out and play with his soft, white hair. With his eyes closed, he purrs in contentment and nuzzles me with his nose. “Oh Kagome- you know what? You smell so good.”

 

Playfully, I pull away from him and smile. “Oh I thought that you hated my smell, baka!”

 

He grabs me and pulls me, still not facing him, into his lap. Huskily, he whispers in my ear teasingly. “I told you, silly girl- I was lying.” I smile to myself for a moment before turning my head and curving my neck so that I can kiss him on the cheek. I snuggle closer into his warmth and enjoy the masculine wild smell that I always find on him. Suddenly his arms crush my torso into his chest. “Kagome, it has been so long.” He pauses and quivers before speaking in such a tender and almost painful hush. “Kagome, honey, I love you so much. How can things still be like this?” He lies down and tenderly pulls me down next to him on the fragrant carpet of grass. With a sigh, he smiles at me as I look up at him through the shiny veil of my hair. Pulling me closer, he puts his head on my shoulder as I rest my head against his strong chest. He speaks passionately into my hair. “Oh I missed being close to you like this. So long…”

 

Suddenly, a bit of anger rages in my heart, for these are not the words that I want to hear. He is supposed to miss me completely, for who I am, not just being close to me physically! Besides, he could have chosen to reconcile with me at any time! This is his fault so how dare he say that he missed me when he acted as if he didn't really care if he saw me for the most part!  I tenaciously chastise him. “Well sheesh, Inuyasha, you didn't exactly help me out, did you, dear?!” I can tell that he opens his eyes, but he just nods his head.

 

“Are you angry with me, Kagome?” He sounds slightly uncertain as his hold on me trembles.

 

I consider the question for a moment. “I should be… I really should be furious… but I forgive you, Inuyasha. You wouldn't lie to me… you kept important things from me, but you wouldn't lie to me, right? You apologized for what you did and so if I can trust you this time, there is no reason to question you more. That is if I should trust you? Should I not?”

 

He swallows hard. “Yes, well of course you should.”

 

I smile sincerely, but in the back of mind, I remember to wait and see how he behaves. I should, should I? Well it would be lovely if it was that simple! Still, I guess I will give him the benefit of the doubt. He never did understand how to take the easier route when it came to interpersonal relationships. I hope that I will not regret this decision… “Well, if I can trust you, that's all that I need to know. I just hope that you will trust me enough to tell me everything that is truly important and that affects me, as you told me that you would.” He nods and begins running his hands up and down my back.

 

Suddenly, he gets up on his hands and knees and hangs over me. “How can you still love me this much? I'm amazed that you have put up with me for so long.” A warmth burns in his eyes as his gaze holds my own. “What would you give up to stay with me forever? Do you want me to always be there for you no matter what you want to do with your life- no matter where you want to live? Do you want me to be there to support you throughout everything? What would you give up Kagome, if it was possible?”

 

Oh Inuyasha, don't speak the closest, most insane dreams of my heart. I don't know if I can stand it. As I look up at him, I fear that my eyes will tell the truth. Wide-eyed, I try to hide from his probing eyes. His hands gently, but firmly grasp my shoulders and do not allow me to move away from his intense gaze. I look up at him again, but do not keep eye contact.

 

His voice grows deeper and becomes husky. I can feel the reverberations through the air between us and I shiver despite myself. “Yes, what would you give to have me with you forever and ever… to have me belong to you and you to me. I would even worship whatever god you want to worship or if not, I would not be in the way of your faith. Even if you chose some job that I hated, I would be supportive- miko, teacher, mother- anything… I would be there for you.” I close my eyes and try to hold back tears. “Open your eyes and look at me.” He shakes me and holds me down as I try to get up and squirm away. “No, stop! Open your eyes and look at me… now!” At his commanding tone, I obey and I feel my heart betray my mind. He smiles and his voice goes quieter with a conspiratorial tone. “Your eyes betray you.” Then he bends down and allows his hungry lips claim my own.

 

What I like best is how close I feel to him when we lay together like this. I can almost feel his thoughts. We are one to some extent and during these moments, it seems that nothing could ever destroy the special bond that we have. Still, I cannot deny that something feels slightly wrong right now. I just hope that it is only my overactive imagination. Why am I thinking at a time like this? I need to focus on Inuyasha, my first love. Yes, we have something special... something worth forgiving for, worth the pain and worth saving…

 

20 minutes later…

We both stare into each other's eyes. He opens his mouth to speak, but closes it because he does not know what to say. That's how it seems to me, anyway.

 

“Kagome… um wow, uh, thank you.” His golden eyes are peaceful since his need has been quenched. “I cannot believe that happened. I hope that you can forgive me.”

 

I smile as warmly as I can muster although my mind is still spinning. “I told you yes didn't I? It's ok; I told you. I did not expect to do that, but it was done out of love. I cannot imagine anyone else that I would rather share that with other than you.” He blushes, nods and looks away from me.

 

A slight breeze runs through the trees. He sniffs the air and nods to me. “They are coming back soon.”

 

“We should compose ourselves, you know? We don't want it to be that obvious.” We wash ourselves off in the hot spring and get dressed again before heading back to the village, hand in hand.

 

When we get back, Kaede is waiting for the others. As I greet her, Inuyasha gets a darkened look in his eye. Her eyes darken in response, but she says nothing to either of us. She nods to us and steps back slightly. Meanwhile, Inuyasha nods to me and kisses me gently, but carefully, as if he were afraid to break the moment.

  

Pulling me close, he whispers in my ear. “I will always remember us like that, Kagome. I will never forget. I love you. I must go for now, but I will come back.” His lips hungrily find mine once more before he turns and leaps out of sight.

I throw a shocked wave at his retreating figure and then put my arms around my chest. Suddenly, I begin to feel somewhat sick and anxious. I swallow hard and put my hand to my sternum in hopes of recovering. Kaede watches me from the small distance and I can feel her eyes on me. Still, she remains quiet, but obviously concerned. Suddenly, exhaustion also fills my body. Unable to conquer the anxious feelings, I head off to bed to lie down and hopefully shake off this horrible emotion that is brewing in my chest. I figure that Inuyasha will be back soon. Yes, Inuyasha will return… and make me feel better. He has the uncanny ability to calm me… when he's not driving me up the wall. Putting my hand to my lips, I savor the kiss. With a hopeful smile, I lick my lips and sigh. I can still taste him… How amazing… but why am I being so sentimental? He will be back soon.

 

Back to narrated time:

Little did I know that he would not come back for two whole days. At that time, I desperately needed some reassurance due to the nature of the intimate act… but I did my best to understand his thoughts, to be understanding of his needs. Luckily for me, when I woke up bright and early the next morning, my fear had disappeared completely. I felt great except for the fact that I missed Inuyasha and that I felt somewhat lonely without him for a little while. But nothing could have properly prepared me for what was to come when he finally returned to me….

 

 

Hey that's the end of pt 1. Please review!

Anyway, stay tuned because we will see why Inuyasha ran away and took so long to come back and see her. In case you are curious, the next part is named Brutal Honesty. Brutal is the right word… anyway, please tell me what you think.