InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Playing for Keeps ❯ Brutal Honesty ( Chapter 2 )

Here's Part 2 of this little fic! ^_^

Thank you's- lilcherryblossom- Thank you for reviewing. Yeah I know this story is messed up, but hey, so was what happened to me.

 

Previously on Playing for Keeps:

Little did I know that he would not come back for two whole days. At that time, I desperately needed some reassurance due to the nature of the intimate act… but I did my best to understand his thoughts, to be understanding of his needs. Luckily for me, when I woke up bright and early the next morning, my fear had disappeared completely. I felt great except for the fact that I missed Inuyasha and that I felt somewhat lonely without him for a little while. But nothing could have properly prepared me for what was to come when he finally returned to me….

 

Pt 2: Brutal Honesty

“An angel's smile is what you sell- you promise me heaven, then put me through hell. Chains of love got a hold on me. When passion's a prison, you can't break free. You're a loaded gun- there's nowhere to run. No one can save me; the damage is done- shot through the heart and you're to blame- you give love a bad name. I play my part and you play your game- you give love a bad name”- Bon Jovi, You Give Love a Bad Name

 

1 day ago:

Inuyasha is coming back to me, tonight; I just feel it in my bones. I smile sweetly and reminisce about the joyous lovemaking that we had shared. My face flushes red at the thought and I put my hand to my cheek. Suddenly, a bit of nervousness floods through my heart. No, that's silly. Why do I feel nervous? He loves me; he knows me… better than anyone else. I should not feel this way.  It's like that sickening anxious feeling I felt when he left me a few days ago. That horrible feeling froze my entire body for a few hours. I couldn't even fall completely asleep that night- but that doesn't mean that anything is wrong. No, everything is fine- there is nothing to fear. Inuyasha does love me; he will always be there for me and he will continue to protect me. I shake off the feeling and smile in anticipation. I wonder where he has been and what he has been doing. He's so silly sometimes.

 

That evening after dinner, Inuyasha walks softly into the village with his eyes examining the ground. He cannot meet my eyes, but just kicks a little rock on the ground. As I see him, I almost run towards him and kiss him hello, but I get a look at his face. Cold fear poisons my veins and my eyes widen in recognition. How should I react? What on Earth is going on with him?

 

“Um, hi, Inuyasha?” He doesn't respond right away, but just continues to stare for a moment. Finally, he nods. “Oh Inuyasha, what's wrong? Did I do something wrong?” I bite my lip in frustration.

 

In a very sad and tired voice, he says, “Oh no, you didn't.”

 

Frozen to my spot, I manage to choke out, “Will everything be ok?”

 

He sighs and closes his eyes. “I hope so; yes, I really do hope that it will.” Oh goodness, I have never seen him quite like this before. It's more than a little frightening. “Kagome, can we go for a little walk? I need to talk to you.”

 

Suddenly spurred into action, I nod distractedly. “Of course, Inuyasha, just allow me to get my coat and I will be ready to go.” As quickly as I possibly can, I ready myself and then turn to him to let him know that I am ready. He leads me away from the village, but does not speak. We walk in the direction of the forest, in the direction of the Goshinboku.

 

As soon as we are a decent distance away, he sighs heavily. “Kagome, I'm sorry about what happened the other day.”

 

I cock my head to one side and smile nervously. “It's ok. I told you that it was fine. You don't need to apologize. You didn't stay away because of that, did you?”

 

He shakes his head and slumps his shoulders. “No, you don't understand, Kagome. It's not fine. It's not fine at all.” He takes a deep breath. “Kagome, I have not been telling you everything recently.”

 

“Yeah, Inuyasha. I am aware of that. I figured that you would tell me anything that was important- you promised me that you would. Don't you remember?”

 

“Yes, I remember, but I didn't tell you something.”

 

“Oh it can't be as bad as you think, Inuyasha dear.” He stops walking and flinches. “Or can it?” He nods to indicate that it is worse.

 

“Oh Kagome, I could not tell you. I don't want things to change; I still have problems trusting people and so I don't want them to be able to keep very good tabs on me. Therefore, I don't change or disturb the relationships that I already have.”

 

What is he talking about? “Inuyasha, things change as much as they need to.”

 

His face scrunches up and he kicks another rock. “I can't believe how hard it is to say this to you. Oh, I did not want to hurt you… You see, the reason that it is not alright is that… I have been seeing someone else, someone new. It probably won't go anywhere, but that makes what I did with you really wrong.”

 

Oh my God… I cannot believe this. He has someone else. How should I react? In my heart, I automatically put up a barrier to protect myself and remain logical as I speak to him. “Oh, I knew there was something, but why the heck didn't you just tell me? I would have backed off. We never knew what would happen to us after the well was sealed and whether we could be together!” I pause and walk a few steps away. “I wish you had just told me… why did you keep it from me for so long?”

 

“I just don't know…” His voice trails off into the wilderness.

 

What am I supposed to say to all this? Someone else… what do I really wish… to be with him, but what if that's not possible… shouldn't I love him enough to want him to find happiness with someone else? Wouldn't it be selfish of me to bind him like that? So, I will not feel and I will do what's best. Purposefully, I turn back to him. “Inuyasha, I love you and I want what's best for you and for you to be happy, even if that it means you ending up with someone else.” Slowly, I walk towards him. “If this was reversed, what would you be saying to me?”

 

With his eyes firmly shut, he whispers with a look of almost-pain on his face, “I would want you to be happy…”

 

Taking the conversation back, I continue. “Ok, yes you would. If it does go somewhere, it does. If it makes you happy, then that will be best for me.” If I love him, having that mindset would truly be best for both of us. It just doesn't feel that simple right now, but it will. “What's best for me is to simply know so that I can act accordingly… all I wanted was to know. Nothing would have happened if you had just told me. Then you wouldn't have cheated on your new love.”

 

He nods and follows me with a glum expression on his face. “I'm so sorry… Oh Kagome, I always knew that although I loved you… I knew that you would never be the one, the last one for me. I've fallen in love twice- with you and with Kikyo. The next time that I fall in love will be the last- if it doesn't work out, then I will cease to be as I am. I tried and I even wanted to pretend that it wasn't true. I thought that I could fall in love with you again.”

 

I examine the ground and manage to croak out, “Do you love her?”

 

“Yes, I do. I'm not in love with her, though… not yet anyway. But I still love you… I gave more of myself to you than I've given to anyone else. I didn't want to let go; I thought I could make you happy. That's the last thing I remember before the period that I don't remember… my memory picks up again when I left you the other day. I don't even remember what I said or what I did, but I could still smell… and so I knew. We did make love, didn't we?”

 

Made love indeed… all of this in the name of love. Forgetting everything in the name of love? Obviously it meant so much to him that he couldn't even remember it! What's this business about third love? What garbage- he's throwing excuses now and I wonder if he knows it himself. Reprovingly, I whisper back. “Yes, we had sex, Inuyasha.”

 

“No, I mean we made love. It may not have been me who was there… but my body was there at least.” I narrow my eyes slightly. That's supposed to be comforting? Ha! “I don't know why I can't remember but I do know this: I love you. I will always love you, but now…”

 

“Now things must be different.” Yes, things must change, but what is going to happen? Can I stand being around him now? Is he going to disappear from my life now? Will he be able to be around me? He looks horrible, as if this has been eating him alive since I last saw him and we… yeah. “Hey… we will always be friends, won't we? I just want to be your friend and be close to you if that still is what you want. But- I will not be your friend in the past... we need to build new memories together- otherwise our friendship will never work. I still need to know the things that do affect me.”

 

He nods. “Yes, I understand… you deserve the truth, Kagome. You are worth it.” He stews in thought for a few moments and we walk in silence. The flinch returns to his face suddenly and he croaks out, “Oh on that note, there's another secret that I kept… Kagome, you weren't my first. She was; it was a couple of months ago.” The tips of his cute white dog ears droop.

 

What? Oh ouch. This hurts so badly- what other bomb will he drop on me? I refuse to feel for now. “Oh, I see.” My voice trembles a bit. “But did you really do that out of love? Did you really come back because you loved me?” I successfully fight back the threatening tears.

 

He reaches out for my hand, but changes his mind. “Yes, Kagome, I do love you. It was in the name of love; however, it was still wrong of me. I'm so sorry. I am so, so sorry. I don't know what else to say.” What does love mean anymore anyway? It's just a word- a word used to coerce and brainwash people. I was duped. I was stupid.

  

What's just as bad in a way is that now I am in the way of his relationship with this other person. Sheesh- I don't want to be the other woman, the woman to be jealous of, the woman that the newcomer does not feel that they can replace in his heart! “Inuyasha, know this- I will disappear if I need to. I will not be in the way. I love you too much to want that for you.”

 

   He finally looks into my eyes. “I would never allow anything to happen where you would have to do that. I would never allow that to happen.” What does that mean? Oh well, at least he was honest with me. He loved me enough to tell me, as much as it hurt him. Still, I am going to feel this later- and it is going to hurt.

 

We arrive back in the village and neither of us knows exactly what to say… or how to say it.  He murmurs to me that he has to go and I silently nod. Quickly, he pulls me into a hug and lightly kisses my forehead before he bolts. I do not even watch him go- instead, I stare in shock.

 

 

Back to narrated time:

Yes, I forgave him everything, whether I should have or not. I sounded and acted much cooler about the whole thing than I actually felt. After he left, I of course ran back as fast as I could- to a place where I could think. My heart was consumed with incredible pain. He probably disappeared to go be with her and… been comforted in her arms and her bed. As for me, I had no desire to go home and pretend that everything was fine and dandy- this is not fine! This was not fair- nothing about it was and I cannot keep deluding myself with that. Now, I do believe that my reaction was the best one that I could have picked… I did not lose it in front of him. I was mature about it. As is natural for me, I did not allow myself to feel until later. But I am lucky to have such wonderful friends here… I do not know what kind of state I would be in now if they had not been so sweet and supportive.