InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Purity 2: Defiance ❯ Difficult Decisios ( Chapter 10 )

~~Chapter 10~~

~Difficult Decisions~

 

~*~

 

 

Sparing a surreptitious glance at the woman beside him who was fiddling with the radio station for what had to be the hundredth time, Toga stifled a sigh and cleared his throat. “Are you all right?”

 

Sierra started and glanced over at Toga with a small grin. “Yeah. Fine.”

 

He saw though her thin façade. “You sure you want to go?”

 

She shook her head. “It's not that. I just . . . I should talk to Mom in person about it.”

 

Nodding, he tightened his grip on the steering wheel. “She'll want whatever you want, won't she?”

 

Sierra frowned. “What do you mean?”

 

He shrugged as he stared at the road. “Stands to reason . . . don't mothers always want whatever is best for their children?”

 

Rubbing her temple with a slightly shaking hand, Sierra sighed softly and shook her head. “Maybe, but . . . if this hurts her, though . . .”

 

Toga chuckled almost sadly. “So you're saying you wouldn't do something because it hurts your mother . . . is that how it is supposed to be?”

 

Was that how it was supposed to be? Were children really the ones who were supposed to fret over doing or not doing things that their parents wouldn't like? Was a child supposed to live his or her life through, only doing what her or her parents willed because it would make them happy? Is that really what Sierra believed, and if that was her true understanding, then what, exactly, would she think of Toga and his insistence that he wanted—needed—to do things his way . . .? And if that were the case . . .

 

Something in his tone must have stopped her, and Sierra stared at him for a long minute. “Toga?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Why do I have the feeling you're thinking about your father again?”

 

Toga sighed and tried to smile. It looked more like a grimace. “I don't mean to. This is about you, right? Let's leave it that way.”

 

Sierra nodded, unsure what else to say or do to draw more information out of him. “Thanks for coming with me.”

 

He shrugged, as though trying to discount her words. “It's the least I can do.”

 

“No . . . it really means a lot to me. Not many guys would do this, you know?”

 

A light flush rose in his cheeks, and he shrugged again. “Then they're not worth wasting your time with.”

 

Pulling into the driveway before the sprawling farmhouse, Toga shot Sierra an encouraging smile and shut off the SUV. She frowned when he made no move to get out. “You're going to sit out here?”

 

He took his time answering, staring out the window for a long minute as though he were considering what he wanted to say. “I wasn't sure if you wanted me to come with you . . . I thought you might want to talk to your mother alone.”

 

She had considered that. Now, though, the idea of walking in and asking her mother what she would think if Sierra did meet with her biological father was daunting, and no matter what her mother may or may not say, she knew, didn't she, that Toga . . . he would support her, even if it were unfair to ask him to do so . . . “Will you come in with me?”

 

Those golden eyes registered Toga's surprise at Sierra's softly uttered question. “All right, if you're sure.”

 

She nodded. She wasn't sure why he made her feel so secure, like nothing in the world could hurt her, but for some reason, just having him near was enough to calm her nerves and to leave her feeling safe and serene. Toga ran around the vehicle and supported Sierra with a hand cradled under her elbow—yet another show of his strange sort of manners that seemed wholly old fashioned yet so in tune with the rest of him.

 

“Sierra! I'm surprised to see you!” her mother greeted as the two stepped inside. Drawing up short as she rounded the corner into the foyer, Sierra's mother seemed surprised to see Toga again. “Ah, Toga, isn't it?” she said as she came forward and held out her hand.

 

“Yes,” he agreed, accepting her gesture with a quick squeeze of the woman's hand and a bow. “Nice to meet you again.”

 

Apparently amused by Toga's very obviously Japanese show of manners, Sierra's mother laughed and led the way into the kitchen. “So what brings you two out here today?”

 

Sierra cast Toga a quick glance. He offered her a reassuring smile as her mother pulled two mugs out of the cupboard and filled them with coffee. “I got a call yesterday . . . I wanted to ask you what you thought.”

 

Mrs. Crawford handed each of her guests a mug and nodded toward the heavy oak table as she turned back to refresh her own cup. Sierra sat down with Toga beside her and waited for her mother to join them. “What sort of call, dear?” she asked as she slipped into the chair at the foot of the table.

 

Sierra fiddled with her mug nervously. “My, uh . . . biological father. He wants to meet me, but . . . I won't, if you don't want me to. I don't really need to, do I?”

 

Mrs. Crawford sat back as shock and a hint of pain filtered over her features. She could tell from her mother's face that she was trying to hide it for her sake, and for reasons that she didn't delve into, she hated to see it. “I see.” Standing abruptly, her mother strode over to dig into the refrigerator. “Pie. I think we need pie for this discussion.”

 

Toga intercepted Sierra's distressed expression and reached out to give her hand a quick squeeze. Sierra tried to smile. Toga winced.

 

“Mom . . .”

 

Making quick work of dishing up three fat slices of Dutch apple pie, Mrs. Crawford returned to the table with the plates and smiled brightly as she handed them out. “Do you want to meet him?”

 

Sierra shoved her pie around but didn't actually eat any. Toga didn't touch his, either. “Mostly, no, then I think maybe . . . just to see why he thinks he has the right to come back into my life now.”

 

“I've always wondered if they would come looking for you . . .” Mrs. Crawford admitted. “I guess I had hoped that they wouldn't.” With a grimace, she forced a smile that was very real aside from the hint of tightness at the corners of her eyes. “I can't tell you what to do, Sierra. You do what is in your heart.”

 

Sierra sighed and shook her head. “I wish I was still young enough for you to tell me what to do,” she admitted.

 

Mrs. Crawford sighed. “I do, too, dear.”

 

“It makes me mad,” Sierra went on. “What right does he have to come into my life out of nowhere and say that he wants to meet me?”

 

Mrs. Crawford's sad smile was full of compassion. “If you choose to, will you pass along a message for me?”

 

Sierra nodded.

 

She blinked quickly, her eyes brightening with a sheen of tears that didn't fall, and her smile widened, but this time, it was a true, heartfelt expression. “Tell them I'm glad they decided to give you up, because regardless of what you do, you'll always be my daughter.”

 

Sierra smiled as tears blurred her vision. Toga suddenly got up and left without a word though he did stop and incline his head to the two women before slipping back into the foyer. Sierra watched him go as she wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand. “I don't want to do it, especially if it upsets you,” she reiterated.

 

Mrs. Crawford sighed. “Sierra, I can't make this decision for you, and I can't ask you to do anything, one way or the other. It isn't about me. It's about you.”

 

“Thanks . . .” she murmured.

 

“You're welcome . . . now eat your pie. You're losing weight, Sierra, and you didn't have much to spare.”

 

Sierra made a face but did as she was told as a dreamy smile surfaced. “Mom . . . no one, and I mean no one, can beat your pie . . .”

 

Mrs. Crawford turned to glance over her shoulder before winking at her daughter, dark brown eyes twinkling mischievously. “So tell me about your young man, dear.”

 

She felt the flush wash over her skin at her mother's use of the possessive. “He's not really mine,” she pointed out.

 

Her mother chuckled. “I don't think that guilt over hitting your dog would have brought him out here with you today, Sierra.”

 

“We're just friends,” she hedged.

 

“So were your Daddy and I . . . until he asked me to our senior prom.”

 

Sierra could feel a blush surging under her skin as she shook her head. “Well, I'm not so sure about that, but . . . he's a very nice guy.”

 

“He's just a doll-face, doesn't he?”

 

For some reason, the memory of Toga's face on Halloween flashed through her mind. With those blue streaks and those fangs, he'd had a far more dangerous look, and the cold stare he'd turned on the two men in the park . . . He had managed to look far more ruthless than she could have ever thought possible in those moments.

 

Then again, recalling the look on his face while he'd slept, the completely relaxed lines, the boyish quality that showed in his restful state . . . The way her heart had flopped over in her chest . . .

 

“He's different.”

 

“Different?”

 

Sierra wasn't sure how to explain what she felt. “It's like he has this whole other side . . . he's nice, and he's funny, and he's sweet . . . but I feel like there's something else there, too . . . something . . .” Breaking herself off with a sigh, Sierra shook her head. “I don't know. I just . . . I like being around him.”

 

Mrs. Crawford smiled. “Why don't the two of you stay for dinner? It gets lonely out here, sometimes.”

 

Sierra grinned. “Let me ask him.”

 

Hopping up from the table to put her empty dish and mug into the sink, Sierra headed out of the kitchen, stopping long enough to kiss her mother's cheek before looking for Toga.

 

“Hey . . . Mom asked if we wanted to stay for dinner,” Sierra remarked when she located Toga in the living room staring at an assortment of framed pictures.

 

He glanced at her, and again she could feel a strange sadness in him. “If you wish,” he answered.

 

She leaned her head to the side as she stared at him. “Toga? Are you okay?”

 

He shrugged, jamming his hands into his jeans pockets. “Yes, of course.”

 

“Do you want to go for a walk or something? Dinner won't be ready for awhile.”

 

He finally smiled. “All right,” he agreed.

 

With a giggle, she took his hand and dragged him toward the door.

 

 

-=-0-=-0-=-0-=-0-=-0-=-

 

 

“You ought to get down before you fall.”

 

Sierra giggled and reached for a higher branch. “Oh, come on, Toga . . . are you telling me you never climbed trees?”

 

He stared up at her with a marked frown. “Of course I did,” he argued. “But if you fall, how will I explain that to your mother?”

 

She rolled her eyes and reached for a higher branch. “I won't fall! I've been climbing these trees forever. Come on up, the view's spectacular.”

 

“I'll stay down here, in case you `don't fall',” he remarked rather dryly.

 

She laughed at his tone. “Live a little, Toga! You know, right, that you're acting much older than you claim to be.”

 

“Keh!”

 

“Too bad you won't come up here,” she goaded. “There's a great view of Lake Michigan from up here . . .”

 

“Sierra . . . be careful.”

 

She giggled again. “Yes, I know . . . honestly, I used to spend hours up here.”

 

Toga stifled a sigh as Sierra made herself comfortable on a high branch. “Don't go any higher, all right?”

 

“Okay,” she agreed. She was quiet for a moment as she lifted her face and breathed in deeply. “Toga?”

 

Staring up into the branches, the convoluted yellows and reds and oranges of the fall leaves clinging stubbornly to their temerarious hold on the branches, he frowned in consternation at the woman who refused to listen to reason. “Yes?”

 

“Who are you?”

 

Her softly uttered question was tinged with a strange sort of desperation, as though his answer was one that she both longed for and . . . dreaded. Toga's mouth felt dry, and he swallowed hard, trying not to look as uncomfortable as he felt in light of the quiet demand for answers that he wasn't entirely sure that he could give. “What do you mean?”

 

Letting her chin drop to stare down through the branches, Sierra's eyes were troubled, turbulent. “I mean . . . there's something about you, something I can't put my finger on . . .”

 

He sighed. Could he tell her? Could he trust her? He'd made the mistake once. He'd told Lily, and maybe that was the real reason Sesshoumaru had been so ready to pay off her father. What about Sierra? Could he stop his father from trying to keep them apart? Toga sighed. Sierra, he trusted. Sesshoumaru? He winced. No, he didn't trust him on this . . . When his father found out that Toga had willingly found a human girl . . . Toga ground his teeth together. He didn't even try to lie to himself. Sesshoumaru was going to be livid.

 

A strange groaning noise that was so soft he had to wonder if Sierra had heard it at all made Toga look up. It took less than a second for his mind to register what was happening. The old branch she sat on creaked once more. Toga reacted before he thought about it, leaping up and snatching her off the precarious perch just before it gave with a startlingly loud crack. Sierra shrieked as she shot a wild glance between the falling branch and Toga. “Oh, God,” she moaned as she buried her face in his jacket.

 

He landed neatly and set her down on her feet. “Are you all right?”

 

She nodded, her cheeks ashen, her eyes still wide in shock. “How did you do that? How did you—?”

 

He winced. “Training.”

 

She didn't look like she believed him. “Training wouldn't have given you the ability to jump that high,” she assured him.

 

“I was climbing up after you,” he blurted quickly. “You . . . must not have seen me.”

 

The doubt in her eyes lingered. Slowly she shook her head. “Okay . . .” she reluctantly agreed, her hands still shaking as she adjusted the neckline of her sweater. She didn't believe him, but maybe she just didn't have it in her to question it further, either. “Thank you.”

 

A light flush edged up his cheeks. “I, uh, told you . . . I'd protect you, right?”

 

She nodded as she reached up and gently turned his face back toward hers. “You did.”

 

Rising on her toes, Sierra pressed her lips against his cheek. His blush darkened as a shy smile broke over his features. Staring at her for a long moment, losing himself in the swirling green mist of her eyes, Toga finally chuckled. “Let's get you inside. You're shivering.”

 

She didn't look like she had even noticed, but she blinked and nodded, slipping her hand into his as he led her back to the warmth of the old farmhouse.

 

 

-=-0-=-0-=-0-=-0-=-0-=-

 

 

Sierra sighed and flicked on the lamp, casting a quick glance at the lazily blinking light of her answering machine. Four new messages, it said, and with a shake of her head, she deliberately turned away. Frightened to check her own messages . . . `How pathetic is that . . .?' she wondered.

 

She'd felt so brave when Toga was with her, hadn't she? She'd felt as though nothing in the world really could hurt her—not her biological father, not the things that she didn't know and wasn't sure she ever wanted to hear—nothing—and now . . .

 

But now, left alone with nothing but the shadows lingering in the murky corners as the vague lights of the city filtered through her windows, now she was afraid.

 

`Crazy,' she told herself brusquely, wrinkling her nose at her irrational fear as she tucked a lock of strawberry blonde hair behind her ear and scowled at the flashing light on the answering machine. `Just listen to them . . . they can't really hurt you, can they?'

 

She took a step toward the machine again but stopped, biting her lip as she slowly shook her head. That was exactly it, right? Just hearing that man's voice . . . it did hurt, didn't it . . .?

 

The telephone rang, and she couldn't stifle the small, shrill shriek that was ripped from her as her eyes widened and she shrank back against the table.

 

It rang four times before the answering machine picked it up, and she had to repress the urge to dash into her bedroom to hide from whoever was on the other end of the call.

 

“Sierra? It's me . . . I just wanted to check on you before you went to bed . . .”

 

Uttering a harsh, ragged cry of absolute relief, she skittered across the floor, grabbing the handset and fumbling to push the `talk' button. “Toga? Hi!” she blurted, pressing a hand against her temple in a feverish sort of way.

 

He chuckled softly. “Hi, yourself. I didn't wake you, did I?”

 

She forced a laugh. “No, no . . . not at all . . .”

 

He sighed, and she could make out the `clink' of ice cubes being dropped into a glass. “Good . . . I just wanted to tell you . . .”

 

Frowning slightly as he trailed off, she shuffled toward the kitchen to retrieve a bottle of water from the refrigerator. “Tell me what?” she prompted.

 

“I just thought you should know that I . . . I was really proud of you today.”

 

She stopped short and blinked, moved by the softness in his voice, the quiet sense of awe that he didn't try to cover up. “I . . . I don't know about that,” she murmured, cheeks pinking at the unexpected praise.

 

He chuckled. “No, really . . . it took a lot of guts, didn't it? Talking to your mother about that . . .”

 

“I-I'm not really that brave,” she admitted, tamping down the desire to ask him—to beg him, if need be—to come over, just for a little while.

 

“You're stronger than you think,” he told her, and she could hear his smile in his voice. “Are you all right?”

 

Wincing since she really hadn't meant for him to know exactly how upset she really was, Sierra mustered her waning bravado and forced a laugh. “Who? Me? I'm fine, Toga.”

 

“If you're certain,” he replied, his tone dubious at best. “It's just, I . . .”

 

“You what?” she asked, puzzled by the quiet ambivalence in his tone.

 

He sighed. “I-it's stupid,” he stammered. “Don't worry about it.”

 

“Try me?”

 

Clearing his throat, he didn't answer right away. In the background, she could hear the soft clink of the ice in a glass. “I just thought . . . I thought you might . . . need m—err, a friend.”

 

The stuttering warmth that seeped through her was beautiful, brilliant, and Sierra smiled despite the bleak thoughts that had worried her before his call. “How did you know?”

 

He uttered a subdued chuckle. She could see his lopsided smile in her mind. “I guess I'd need one, too, if I were you.”

 

“To tell you the truth,” she admitted slowly, “I was a little . . .”

 

“Lonely?” he supplied when she trailed off. His tone, though, bespoke another word, a deeper understanding, and her smile trembled but widened as she blinked to stave back a fresh sheen of tears.

 

“Something like that.”

 

“I tell you what,” he said, his voice lilting as though he'd had a sudden burst of inspiration. “Why don't you go on and get in bed, and I'll talk to you until you don't feel quite so lonely anymore?”

 

“Oh? And what if I feel lonely all night?” she couldn't help but tease as she caught the phone between her shoulder and ear, freeing up her hand so that she could turn off the lamp.

 

He laughed. “I can live with that,” he assured her. “You'll just owe me, that's all.”

 

“Owe you, huh?” she shot back. “And just how will I pay you back?”

 

“I'm pretty easy,” he quipped. “You could make me dinner again sometime.”

 

She rolled her eyes but smiled as she shoved the coverlet aside and crawled onto her bed. “Just dinner? You are easy.”

 

“Bet you tell all the guys that,” he teased.

 

She laughed out loud, obviously the response that Toga had been fishing for. She couldn't help it. There was something about him, wasn't there—something that put her at ease, even over the telephone . . .

 

“You have the nicest laugh,” he commented, the teasing tone gone from his voice. “I like to hear it.”

 

“Do you?” she drawled with a wide yawn.

 

“Keh! You think I'd say that if I didn't mean it?”

 

She smiled at the belligerence in his tone, wondering absently where he'd learned something like that. “Toga?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

Her eyes closed slowly. “You're a sweet man.”

 

“Only for you, Sierra,” he murmured. She heard his bedsprings squeak as he stretched out.

 

“Thank you . . . for going with me . . . today . . .”

 

“Don't worry about it,” he mumbled, his voice taking on a thicker quality. “I . . . I wanted to . . .”

 

“Toga?”

 

“Yes?”

 

She snuggled deeper into her pillows. “I'm still lonely . . .”

 

He chuckled. “Oh? Shall I tell you about the rotten things I used to do to my sister just because it seemed fun at the time?”

 

“You were a bully, weren't you?”

 

“No, I—well, maybe just a little . . .”

 

Sierra thought she might have nodded, but she wasn't sure. The edges of sleep were curling around her, but the comfort that he offered her was too welcome to let go.

 

He started listing evil things he'd done to his sister over the years, but somewhere along the line, she must have fallen asleep.

 

The last thing she remembered, though, was the sound of his voice . . .

 

 

~=~*~=~*~=~*~=~*~=~*~=~*~=~*~=~*~=~*~=~*~=~*~=~*~=~* ~=~*~=~*~=~*~=~*~=~*~=~

A/N:

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Reviewers

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Sess_2005 (AFFnet) :

Ohh, I don't like you. (joke) you are so darn good at leaving the reader wanting more. I've read so many where the writer doesn't put much thought into their story, and the reader couldn't care one way or the other if they finished the story or not. You have this way, that you leave us coming back for more. Anywho, how did lily's brothers find out Toga was there? Did good ol daddy dearest tell them? I can't see him doing that, but on the other hand, if it gets him what he wants, I can see him doing just that. And the flashback sequences are truly awesome.

 

Actually I think it is safe to admit that Sesshoumaru didn't send Fujiko's brothers… The brothers heard the twins talking about Toga … and they figured it out … lol … and thanks!

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Crazy Fan S.S. (AScom) :

Another great chapter as always, but I've noticed that Toga never says 'I love you'. Usually its 'you too' when someone says they love him. Maybe he has said it and I've missed it somewhere, but I'm pretty sure he hasn't. Is there a particular reason why? ^_^

 

Actually this is true. It is rare to ever catch any of the men especially in any of my fics saying `I love you'… I have nothing against the words… I think they do say it often in their actions… The ONE exception is Torrent, when InuYasha does say it to Kagome a few times. Otherwise… IY admitted that he loved the girl who forgot him in Purity, and IY and Kagome sort of “You love me” sort of argued a couple of times in Chronicles. . . But that's why … LoL!

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Teresa (AScom) :

Oh, uh, this is probably a dumb question, but what's going to happen with Lily? Is she going to come back?

 

Lily . . . not decided . . . muahhahahahahhahahaha!

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chichiwvu (MMorg):
and I quote, "He'd never be her daddy" LOL I don't know why I just thought this was hilarious.. Of course her biological father won't be 'her daddy' Toga is! :P *sigh* I laugh at the stupidest things...

 

ARGH! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! “Who's your daddy?!?!?!??!”

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myeerah (FFnet) :

Very sweet. :) I think I may have read too much of your work in a row, though. . . I'm getting the histories of this, Chronicles, and Metamorphosis all mixed up. Is InuYasha running a security company in this one? And is Guardian in effect for all of them?

 

The securities company was Chronicles, InuYasha is a school teacher here… MUAHAHAHAHA… yes pretty much, the Guardiantends to sort of linger in the background of all of them ….

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MMorg

torrieoreo ------ FullmetalArchivist ------ BloodyKitsune(Stupid Mediaminer.....) ------ angelica incarnate ------ RadioNmyHead... not logged in ------ DarklessVasion ------ Shadow_Within ------ Kyonarai ------ Kadaede ------ Aitu

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FFnet

Flames101 ------ grand admiral chelli

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AFFnet ------ AScom

Midnight_Sparrow------ akdreamer ------ Diane (thanks!!!) ------ snowfall

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Final Thoughtfrom Toga:

Well, that was close …

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Blanket disclaimer for this fanfic (will apply to this and all other chapters in Defiance): I do not claim any rights to InuYasha or the characters associated with the anime/manga. Those rights belong to Rumiko Takahashi, et al. I do offer my thanks to her for creating such vivid characters for me to terrorize.

 

~Sue~