InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Purity 2: Defiance ❯ Ambivalence ( Chapter 34 )

~~Chapter 34~~

~Ambivalence~

 

Toga stared around the empty house with a tired sigh. Luckily for him, the previous owner of the house was more than happy to hasten his departure when offered a little more money in compensation for his troubles. That the place lacked basically everything was of little concern. His lips twisted into a wry smile, almost a grimace. Between Kagura, Rin, and Aiko, he was pretty sure he wouldn't have to worry about lack of furnishings long, especially if he told them to have at it.

 

The first week after his return to Tokyo had been relatively peaceful, even with the unavoidable commotion of his family's visits. The first day, Kagura, Rin, and Aiko had showed up at different times. He'd just been able to breathe a sigh of relief when another would come waltzing through the door to fire questions at him; questions he didn't want to answer.

 

As much as he cared about his family, he had to admit that he really didn't want to see them. In fact, the only one he hadn't seen as yet was his father, and that was a meeting Toga could do without for at least a couple hundred years. The last thing he wanted or needed to hear was Sesshoumaru's opinion of Toga's attraction to humans.

 

Did it really matter anymore? Toga sighed as he turned his attention back out the window as he sank down in the wide sill. The world continued to move around him, and he just didn't care. The sky was clear despite the ever-present haze of pollution that hung over all larger cities. He figured after awhile that people just didn't notice anymore. How long would it be before Toga stopped noticing things, too?

 

He snorted as his gaze darkened. `Feh! I could care less what Father has to say on it . . . it's my life, my choice . . . and the choice was made long ago.'

 

Even so, he still didn't feel like dealing with Sesshoumaru. He had to admit that he was surprised that the great and powerful tai-youkai hadn't showed up yet.

 

“Toga? You okay?”

 

Stifling a sigh as he turned his head to glance at Rin as she set a plastic shopping bag on the floor, Toga couldn't muster a token smile for his adopted sister.

 

“Your door was unlocked,” she explained with a little smile. “I brought a few things over. Mother's at the store now digging through fabric swatches and color motifs . . .” Rin winced as her smile faded. “You really don't care, do you?”

 

Toga shrugged as he stared out the window again. “I thought she'd enjoy that.”

 

Rin sighed and hurried over, wrapping her arms around Toga's neck as she pressed her cheek against his forehead. “You know, we missed you. I missed you. Father missed you, too.”

 

Toga winced and grinned wanly. “'Father', huh? You're still mad at him?”

 

Rin shrugged. “A little bit. Can you blame us? Father's being much too stubborn about this, and everyone agrees.”

 

“He has his reasons, doesn't he?”

 

Rin snorted, which was completely unlike her normal effervescent behavior. “Maybe he does but that really doesn't give him the right to try to tell you what you can and can't feel, Toga. Anyway, I can't believe you're defending him.”

 

Toga shook his head. “Maybe I'm tired of fighting with him.”

 

Rin let go and sat by Toga's foot on the window sill, her eyebrows drawing together as she tried to discern what he was thinking. “Are you giving up? Going along with what Father wants just because he wills it to be that way?”

Toga sat back, turning to brace his shoulder against the glass. “Nope. I just refuse to argue it with him anymore.”

 

“He wants to see you.”

 

Toga didn't comment on that.

 

“I think he's waiting to see if you'll come to him.”

 

“He'll be waiting awhile, then,” Toga allowed. “I have no desire to argue with him again.”

 

Rin sighed, nodding in agreement. Her expression told him that she really hadn't expected a different response. “Will you go back to work for him?”

 

He didn't answer that, either. Truthfully, he hadn't thought about that, at all. He had more than enough money to get by for a very long time, but there was nothing for him to do, otherwise. Just sit around and pine for the woman who didn't really want him anymore---his mate. `Damn . . . .'

 

“Toga?”

 

He knew her tone of voice. He knew what she wanted to ask. Bracing himself for her questions, Toga waited.

 

“Why did you leave? Sierra, I mean. You two . . . you seemed close, when you were here for Aiko's wedding. Did something happen?”

 

Toga rubbed his forehead as he stubbornly avoided Rin's questioning gaze. “You could say that.”

 

“You don't want to talk about it.”

 

“You could say that, too.”

 

“Toga---”

 

Sudden anger surged in Toga, and he stood, stalking across the empty floor as he flexed his claws. “No, Rin, you can't fix it. Aunt Gome can't fix it. Uncle Yasha can't fix it. Aiko can't fix it. Mother can't fix it. Father sure as hell can't fix it. No one can fix it, all right?”

 

Rin stood slowly, her eyes flashing with irritation. “Don't be stupid, Toga. Of course none of us can fix it. You're the only one who could do that, or are you really saying that it isn't worth fixing?”

 

Toga stopped and turned to glare at his adopted sibling. “I'm telling you, it's nobody's business, all right? Why can't you all just back the fuck off and stay out of my life?”

 

“Toga!”

 

“What?”

 

Indignant color blossomed in Rin's pale cheeks. “Is that what you really want? Then why did you come home?”

 

Toga stopped mid-stride and sighed, anger draining out of him as quickly as it had surfaced. “I don't know why.”

 

He frowned. Maybe he did know why and just didn't want to put it to words. Either way, it didn't really matter now. Sierra had made her choice.

 

“Toga, we just want to help you, but we can't if you won't tell us what's going on.”

 

Toga shook his head. “There's nothing to tell, Rin. We're just not . . . not together. Leave it alone.”

 

Rin sighed, crossing her arms over her chest as she slowly nodded. “If that's what you want, Toga. Just don't forget. You've got lots of people who love you, okay?”

 

“Sure,” he answered as Rin hurried over and braced herself against his shoulder to kiss his cheek.

 

“All right. I've got to get going before Shippou comes home and starts looking for me.”

 

Toga nodded. “Thanks,” he replied since the last thing he wanted, other than a confrontation with his father, was a run-in with his much-too-observant brother-in-law.

 

Rin turned to go but paused in the doorway, hesitating a moment before facing Toga once more. “You would tell us if there was something serious we needed to know, right?”

 

“Like what?”

 

Rin shrugged. “Like . . . anything.”

 

Toga forced a small smile. “Why wouldn't I?”

 

Rin wasn't appeased with his answer, and the worried expression on her face intensified. “You tell me.”

 

“You're worried about nothing.”

 

“It's my job. Call me if you need me.”

 

Toga nodded and watched as she shrugged on her coat and, with a quick wave and a blown kiss, Rin slipped out the door.

 

Toga sighed as he sat back down in the window sill again. He had a feeling that his family's questions were just going to get harder and harder to answer.

 

 

-=-0-=-0-=-0-=-0-=-0-=-

 

 

`What's she doing now?'

 

Toga shook his head. He was driving himself insane with his questions, with his worries. `She doesn't want you, baka. Well, that's not entirely true, is it? It wasn't that she didn't want you . . . she just didn't want you to watch her fall apart.'

 

He winced. `Same thing.'

 

Even if she did still want him, she wouldn't take him back now, and he knew it. Because of what had happened with Kari, how could he ever expect that Sierra would? Did it matter that Kari had instigated the entire situation? `How could it matter when it doesn't matter to me? I still . . . I betrayed Sierra, and . . . and she deserves better than that . . . .'

 

He sighed, hating the confines of the city that surrounded him. Though the house was on the outskirts of Tokyo, it was still close enough to be confining. The stale city air stifled him, dulled his mind as the bitter wind ripped over him. He'd thought---stupidly, he supposed---that leaving Chicago meant leaving behind his memories of Sierra. Yet he still saw her everywhere he looked. Standing on the back porch as he gazed sadly over the obstruction of too-close houses, Toga wished that he could numb his emotions as easily as the winter wind could numb fingers or noses.

 

“So you've come back, Toga, and yet you have not the courtesy of seeking out your father.”

 

Toga's back stiffed as he slowly pivoted to meet Sesshoumaru's steady gaze. There wasn't a trace of emotion in his father's expression, nothing to give away what he was thinking. “Father,” he acknowledged with a curt nod. “I didn't have anything to say.”

 

Flicking a non-existent bit of fuzz from the immaculate cuff of his navy blue Armani jacket, Sesshoumaru deliberately took his time before speaking again. “I cannot say I am unhappy that you've returned. You don't belong there.”

 

“It doesn't really matter, does it? Here or there, I still won't bend to your dictates.”

 

“I didn't expect you would.”

 

The corner of Toga's lips curled up in a cynical affectation of a smile. “Really.”

 

Sesshoumaru's gaze brightened. He could be angry or amused. Toga didn't know. “You've a little too much of your mother in you. She rarely listens to me, either.”

 

“Mother always has been wise.”

 

Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed for a moment before he slowly shook his head, a hint of a smile twitching on his lips. “Just like her.”

 

“So what brings you all the way over here?” Toga asked as he brushed past his father and into the house.

 

Sesshoumaru followed. “I was in the neighborhood.”

 

Toga shot his father a contradicting look. “You think I'll buy that?”

 

Sesshoumaru shrugged. “It's the truth. I was digging your cousin out of trouble.”

 

Toga winced as he dropped a log into the fire glowing in the gray marble fireplace. “Ryo, I take it? Uncle Yasha should have had him neutered at birth.”

 

Sesshoumaru's face registered his distaste at the situation. “Yes, well, he was reluctant to call InuYasha about this. Can't fault him for that. InuYasha would have let him sit in jail.”

 

“Jail?” Toga echoed as he dusted off his hands and stood up. “What'd he do? Rob a bank?”

 

Sesshoumaru frowned in general disgust. “Drunk and disorderly, or so I was told. He wouldn't give up the microphone at a karaoke bar, and he took a swing at security.”

 

Toga shook his head. “Ryo's been back in town, what? A day? Two, tops?”

 

Sesshoumaru affected a shudder. “And your uncle saw fit to name the hellion after me.”

 

“Uncle Yasha likes to practice with Tetsusaiga. Maybe you should tell him what Ryo did.”

 

“Your mother thinks it better to let the miko continue to believe that her mate's spawn are golden.” Sesshoumaru sighed. “In any case, if I didn't need to send Ryomaru out again, I might have let him sit in jail a few days longer.”

 

Toga's eyebrows lifted in surprise. “That fast? He just got back from hunting, didn't he? Who's he after now?”

 

Sesshoumaru waved off Toga's question as he made a rather uncharacteristically disgusted expression. “That's a moot point, really. I need him for something bigger but I can't find him now to alter his orders.”

 

“Bigger? How so?”

 

“A gang of three neko-youkai are said to have murdered fifteen human women. Until now there wasn't any proof to this. The last attack, however, was caught on security tape. I wanted to have it taken care of before the police got to them, but I just got the news on this after I'd sent Ryomaru after the kitsune he's pursuing.”

 

Toga nodded, understanding the parts that his father didn't say. Renegade youkai who didn't care about human life also tended to be the same of their kind that didn't care if they gave up the `secret' of the existing youkai, in general. If those three were caught, there was a good chance they'd talk about much more than simple killings---if the authorities could capture them without being killed, themselves. Messy business, really, and one that his hot-headed cousin seemed to thrive upon, in Toga's opinion.

 

“So I'll go,” Toga tossed out casually. “Where are they?”

 

Sesshoumaru looked sharply at his son. “They aren't going to be easy targets, Toga.”

 

“I didn't think they would be,” he countered.

 

Consternation filled Sesshoumaru's gaze as he stared at Toga for a long moment before he finally gave his consent with a terse nod. “Osaka.”

 

Toga nodded. “All right. I'll take care of it.”

 

Sesshoumaru smiled just a little as he strode toward the door. “Toga . . . I'm glad you came home.”

 

Toga didn't answer as he watched his father leave. “Osaka . . . .”

 

Heading back to his bedroom to retrieve Mokomoko-sama, Toga winced at the all-too-strong scent of Sierra that still permeated the fur. If anyone else had noticed, they must have thought better than to comment on it. Either way, he knew, and he could still smell her. Biting back the swell of pain that rose with the scent of her, Toga steeled himself for his task at hand. Maybe a good fight was just what he did need . . . .

 

But he had one stop to make before he could leave. Since he didn't have need of it on a regular basis, Toga had always left his halberd at Uncle Yasha's house. `Better go get that . . . I just might need it.'

 

 

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A/N:

Neko: Cat; feline.

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Reviewers

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angelfish007(MMorg):
Its beautifully designed to show the love growing, and the bond strengthening between Toga and Sierra.... then to show the utter pain of the two of them being ripped apart and each slowly dying inside because of the emptiness they feel from the lack of the other one being there ... this ache that just builds until you don't think it can hurt anymore ... and your readers feel the love and the pain just like characters ... I love this story and it's one of my favorites even without a big bad flashy enemy like in meta ... the enemy here is so much more devastating because you can't just kill it to make it better ... this is truly a great story

 

Thank you. LoL. That's how I feel, too.

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MMorg

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AFFnet ------ AScom ------ ATnet

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Final Thought from Ryomaru:

… The other guy started it …

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Blanket disclaimer for this fanfic (will apply to this and all other chapters in Defiance): I do not claim any rights to InuYasha or the characters associated with the anime/manga. Those rights belong to Rumiko Takahashi, et al. I do offer my thanks to her for creating such vivid characters for me to terrorize.

 

~Sue~