InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Red Eyes, Warm Heart ❯ What have I done? ( Chapter 2 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: SplendentGoddess 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Drama / Romance / Angst | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 01.06.2006 | Updated On: 09.17.2010 | Pages: 3 | Words: 6.5K | Visits: 12.5K | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Drama / Romance / Angst | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 01.06.2006 | Updated On: 09.17.2010 | Pages: 3 | Words: 6.5K | Visits: 12.5K | Status: Completed
Blanket Disclaimer:
Inuyasha, and the characters therein, are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. I am in no way affiliated with Takahashi, or VIZ Productions.
========================
Chapter 2 – What have I done?
Kagome awoke a short time later still embraced in Inuyasha’s arms. It only took a moment for the memories of all that had transpired to wash over her, and she found herself hit with a wave of mixed emotions as a result. Above all else, though, she knew she didn’t regret anything. While it was true that she had become partially influenced by his blood, even without that power boost the miko knew that there was simply no denying her feelings for him. She had loved him, and wanted to be with him, for a few months now.
As she thought about all of the different ways his blood had affected her, it only took Kagome a couple of seconds to realize that some of the changes she had experienced were still in effect, and were most likely permanent. She could definitely tell that her senses were heightened, the forest seeming so much more alive than it had ever seemed to her before, with scents and sounds she had never noticed before. Sango had told her something once in passing about inu-youkai mating, when the slayer had first realized that her friend had feelings for the hanyou. Though she hadn’t gone into specifics, like just how the exchanging of blood took place – Kagome had envisioned a blood-brother type of situation – the miko had been informed that inu-youkai, as well as most other higher youkai species, possessed the ability, using this exchange, to bind themselves with their mate on a much deeper level than anything two humans were capable of experiencing. The words had been meant as reassurance, assuring Kagome that Inuyasha and Kikyou had not been bound in this, the most intimate of ways possible for Inuyasha’s kind. Had Kikyou been his mate, such loyalty couldn’t be broken, plain and simple, but the absence of that bond instead revealed that Inuyasha had not chosen Kikyou with finality. In fact, Kikyou had wanted Inuyasha to turn human, which meant that they would have only been husband and wife, not mates. Kikyou had claimed to love Inuyasha ‘despite’ his youkai blood, but she had not accepted him as a hanyou. Sango had told Kagome two things one day when they had bathed in private, once it had become apparent to the taijiya that the future-born miko was experiencing a serious case of longing for the inu-hanyou. One, the indestructible bond between mates was optional – it was something Kagome would have to voluntarily and actively participate in, so she needn’t fear the bonding as unavoidable should the two of them simply lose themselves to the moment. Kagome had blushed at that piece of information, but had thanked her friend for the knowledge nonetheless. Secondly, Sango had also made sure that Kagome comprehended the importance of the mate-bond, in that if they ever did complete such a union, there would be no turning back, though there would also be no reason to doubt his loyalty to her in his heart. If he were willing to bond with her, it meant that he loved her, and her alone. If she were willing to bond with him it would be a milestone for the hanyou who was still convinced nobody could truly accept him for his mixed heritage.
As Kagome continued to lie peacefully in his arms, she knew that he wouldn’t have to worry about that fear any longer. She loved him, she accepted him, and she was his mate, for the rest of their lives. Sango had also told her that if she and Inuyasha bonded in that way, that it would increase her physical strength, giving her some youkai-like abilities, and most specifically, she would gain his lifespan. It made sense because in a way, it was like their souls were tied together, becoming one soul, and since his youki was so strong, there was no way her human weaknesses would drag him down with her, following the logic of a chain only being as strong as the weakest link. No, it was thanks to his youki that the bond was even possible in the first place, so his strengths were unquestionably the dominating factor in that regard.
Deciding that she couldn’t just lie around forever, especially when she was sure that sooner or later a certain taijiya and houshi would show up looking for them, Kagome tilted her head to gaze the position of the sun, trying to calculate how much time had actually passed. Fortunately, it looked as though she’d only been asleep for maybe an hour, so she most likely didn’t need to spring to her feet in a mad dash to get dressed. Then she cringed as she remembered the way Inuyasha had shredded her clothing. So much for trying to act casual by the time their friends arrived. Wigging her lower half carefully, Kagome sighed in relief to discover that they were at least no longer connected, Inuyasha having softened and separated from her at some point. Carefully removing his arm from its possessive embrace across her body, Kagome was amazed that the hanyou behind her remained asleep as she slipped out from underneath his hold before sitting herself up, taking a moment to glance around their ‘campsite’.
It didn’t take long for her vision to lock onto the remains of the oni Inuyasha had shredded in a similar fashion to her clothing, and she felt herself getting sick for a brief moment.
We did that near a dead body?
Shaking the eerie feeling free, she brushed it aside as she skimmed their surroundings for his suikan, knowing the fire-rat robe would have to function as her garment for the time being. Glancing down over her body, Kagome grimaced at the sight of all the little cuts and scraps she’d accumulated thanks to his claws and teeth, though she was thankful that they at least didn’t hurt. In fact, she could almost feel them healing, and figured in that moment that just a quick rinse off in that little stream was probably all that was needed, mainly to clear away the dirt and dried blood. She wouldn’t need to apply any medicine; she could tell she wouldn’t develop an infection. Not after the way he had licked the wounds clean, and especially not with the healing properties of his youki pulsing throughout her own body.
A slow smile spread itself across her lips at the thought.
They were bonded, they were mates, and nothing could ever change that. It didn’t even occur to her to be worried over the youkai blood in her system proving to be a burden in regard to keeping the jewel shards pure, as she riffled through the remains of her school uniform for the discarded glass bottle she was relieved to find was right where it’d fallen, nothing having made off with it while they were asleep. That wouldn’t have been good. Turning to gaze in Inuyasha’s direction in that moment, Kagome marveled over the fact that he was still asleep, though she also breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of his blemish-free cheeks and normal claw length, indicating that his youkai transformation had reversed itself. At least she wouldn’t have to deal with youkai-Inuyasha when he woke up.
That thought caused her brain to come to a screeching halt. He wouldn’t remember anything from his transformation, would he?
And she had been so happy only a moment prior. Kagome remembered with perfect clarity the way he had grumbled her name, her name, during their joining. There was no doubt in her mind that he had chosen her, truly and fully. From what Sango had told her, she wouldn’t have thought it would be possible to accidentally mate-bond with the wrong person, anyway, so she would’ve really tried to avoid the nasty thought that he had somehow mistaken her for Kikyou, but with the fact that he had actually said her name, she didn’t even have to give such a scenario a passing thought. But how was she supposed to deal with a mate who didn’t even remember their act of joining? Was he going to freak out on her? Was he going to accept that his youkai side had done for him what he himself must have secretly already wanted? Or was he going to deny that he’d wanted her, and curse his youkai half for trapping them together? Was it even possible that his youkai half had trapped them together? What if his lingering indecisions between her and Kikyou were more deeply rooted than simply not knowing whom to choose? What if his youkai side wanted her, but his human side wanted Kikyou? After all, he would have become human for her, so the human man in him had been willing to sacrifice everything, even half of himself, just to be with her. Though it was no wonder why that same would-be sacrifice made her, Kagome, number-one in the youkai’s eyes. Why would his youkai side choose Kikyou when she wanted to kill his youkai side? But in that moment, Kagome realized she was debating in a vacuum, and did her best to keep her emotions in check. There was really no way she would know how Inuyasha was going to react to everything until he actually woke up and started reacting, and as he continued to sleep soundly in that moment, the miko found herself suddenly having no desire to wake him. Yes, it was cowardly to want to prolong the inevitable, but she was only human.
Well, I guess that’s not really true any more. I’m part youkai now…at least a little bit.
Keeping that thought in mind, Kagome focused on how much more sensitive her hearing had become, using that as her guide for how silent she needed to be so as to continue not disturbing the slumbering inu-hanyou by her side. It had to be thanks to her newfound youkai abilities, stealth among them, that she managed to slip away, suikan in hand, as she headed over to the small spring at the edge of the clearing, taking a moment to travel a little ways downstream so that her splashing wouldn’t disturb him, either. Though she would have to wake him before too much longer if he showed no sign of rousing on his own, she realized begrudgingly. She was certain that their friends were out there somewhere, looking for them, and she was equally certain that Inuyasha would not appreciate them stumbling upon him sleeping naked, especially if he awoke with no knowledge of how he’d gotten that way.
```````````````````````````````````````
&# 8220;Do you sense anything else yet, Houshi-sama?” Sango asked again as they scanned the ground from the skies above.
They had lost the trail over an hour ago, and Miroku had since been unable to detect the demonic auras of either the oni they had originally been pursuing, or the transformed Inuyasha. While they hadn’t been witness to their hanyou friend’s transformation, Miroku had instantly sensed the increase in his youki when it had happened, as he and Sango had been giving chase after where Inuyasha and Kagome had taken off to in pursuit of the fleeing oni. Now that he could no longer sense the increase of Inuyasha’s power, part of him found comfort in the fact that it meant Inuyasha had finally reverted back into his hanyou form, though trying to detect his hanyou aura was proving quite difficult for the time being.
“I’m afraid not, Sango.” he replied then, in answer to her question.
Clutching his staff tightly, Miroku closed his eyes, attempting to stretch his senses even further. He could feel Inuyasha’s youki brush up against his psyche, just barely, but it was still too faint to pinpoint any sort of a direction. The hanyou must be unconscious, or at the very least soundly asleep.
“I can still feel that he is somewhere close by, but that is all I can determine.”
“Then it’s up to you, Kirara.” Sango said then, leaning forward to pat the shoulder of her feline companion. “Take us down, we’ll have to track him by scent the rest of the way.”
Kirara gave an affirmative roar as she descended. Her sense of smell was keen, though not as precise as a canine’s. She couldn’t detect his scent from the air and would have to track him by foot. It would take them much longer to locate Kagome and Inuyasha that way, but at least they would eventually locate them. Transforming into her kitten form as soon as Miroku and Sango dismounted, Kirara dashed about, zigzagging through the forest faster than the humans could follow even with their eyes. After a few minutes she returned to them, meowing in a way they knew meant to follow her. She had found the scent trail.
As they walked, Sango silently prayed that they would find their friends both unharmed and well. She was terrified to know that Inuyasha had transformed, both worried for his own well being, as well as Kagome’s. The slayer knew that Inuyasha had to be near death in order to transform, so she did hope that he was all right, but even more than that, she hoped that his transformation had then been reversed because of Kagome’s kind and loving influence, not because she had been forced to purify him in self-defense. While it was true that regardless of the circumstances, the fact that Inuyasha was no longer transformed meant that any danger to Kagome had now passed, she could only hope that it didn’t also mean they were already too late. If he had attacked Kagome, even if the miko had properly defended herself, Sango knew that such an occurrence would leave scars; emotionally if not physically.
```````````````````````````````````````````` ```````
Inuyasha awoke slowly, his head swimming. It was the sensation one would expect when gradually regaining consciousness after a blackout. Moaning as he stretched his stiff muscles, Inuyasha inhaled deeply, instinctively taking in his surroundings even before he opened his eyes. One breath was all it took.
Kagome’s blood?!
Eyes snapping open, he immediately scanned his position, ignoring the mild throbbing of his head that he had come to associate with a transformation. It didn’t take long for his eyes to focus on the remains of the oni he vaguely remembered battling. Yes…yes he remembered, he and his friends had responded to a village’s cry for aid, and he and Kagome had given chase of the oni after it had attempted to flee. He remembered getting Tetsusaiga knocked from his hands… Gulping as his head continued to ache, Inuyasha concluded with rising anxiety that he must have transformed. But…where was Kagome? Was she all right? Her scent was all over the surrounding area, so he couldn’t convince himself that he had gone off on his own after the oni without her. If he had, she had undoubtedly followed him. But what worried him the most was the scent of her blood. Continuing to scan the area, his eyes widened in horror when he suddenly noticed what looked distinctively like the shredded remains of her school uniform. Then, lying not too far away from her clothing was…his clothing? Looking down over himself, Inuyasha realized for the first time that he was naked, and instead of feeling even mildly embarrassed, that realization instead filled him with nothing but terror. The scent of Kagome’s blood was strong in the air, and her clothes were lying in a shredded pile near his own discarded wardrobe. As he examined himself further, his eyes skimmed over a wound on his arm he couldn’t care less about to note with absolute horror that there was dried traces of Kagome’s blood resting underneath his claws. It wasn’t a lot, not enough to be life threatening, but the fact still remained that he had come after her with his claws.
Almost in slow motion, his eyes skimmed back over to their clothing, before glancing back down at himself. His flaccid penis was caked with a dry coating of something that was not blood, though it still smelled wholly of Kagome.
Turning his head to wretch on the spot, Inuyasha couldn’t even muscle up the self-worth to pull his hair out of the way when it fanned down around him like a curtain to conceal his shame. There was no doubt in his mind what had taken place. But…where was Kagome? He had to find her; he had to make sure she was…okay. At least, if she had gotten up to walk away, that was encouraging, right? At least she wasn’t injured too badly…physically. How badly her spirit had been broken was another matter entirely, but he wouldn’t know the answer to that until he found her. Dragging himself away from his mess to get dressed on autopilot, Inuyasha realized almost immediately that his suikan was missing, and for that he was grateful. It at least meant that Kagome was clothed in something, though he couldn’t convince himself that she wasn’t loath to be forced to wear something of his, under the circumstances. Probably no matter how badly she hated him, wearing his robe would be preferable to being naked, he supposed.
I fucking raped her…she probably wants to burn the gods damned thing, and me along with it.
Too bad both he and his kimono were normally resistant to fire, though he would make an appointment with her for his execution on the next new moon if he could just know that she was going to be all right. Taking a moment to sniff his surroundings more thoroughly, doing his best not to gag when the lingering scent of sex assaulted his nose, it didn’t take Inuyasha long to find Kagome’s trail, turning right as he reached the water’s edge to follow her scent downstream.
With the curve in the spring as it traveled beside the forest Kagome wasn’t immediately in view, but as he came upon the sound of splashing that sounded unnatural against the spring’s steady rhythm, Inuyasha ducked back into the woods so that he could observe Kagome for a moment before making his presence known. Coming to stand beside a large tree, he saw her, watching with a knot in his chest as she rinsed off in the shallow water, his suikan and her shoes and socks laying on a low bolder at the water’s edge. His heart stopped beating at the sight of how many wounds he had apparently inflicted upon her, thin slashes marring her back and arms at random, presumably in his haste to rid her of her clothing. So far he was only privy to a view of her backside, which was fine since he didn’t want to risk her noticing him staring at her, but at the sight of the gruesome puncture wounds on her hips, he felt the bile rise back up in his throat at the knowledge of how he must have gripped her while doing the deed. It figured that he would take her from behind…like the dog he was. He suppressed a whimper when she lifted one leg to clean in between, catching a glimpse of what looked like bite marks along her inner thighs. Was nothing sacred?
His dead and motionless heart began to shrink and wither, the pain simply too much to bear.
How he had longed to be with Kagome…like that…and now he’d gone and…and…he hated being a weak hanyou! Why couldn’t he keep control over himself, damn it?! Kagome, his Kagome…so kind, loving, and trusting…he treasured her, he cherished her, he loved her, and now, he had ruined everything. There was no way she could ever forgive him, but he didn’t even want her to! What he had done, it was unforgivable. He wanted nothing more at that moment than to run away, deep into the woods, never to be seen or heard from again. Though…he couldn’t just leave her there by herself, not when the others hadn’t found them yet. He couldn’t detect any trace of their scents, which meant that they were nowhere in the nearby vicinity. He would observe from the shadows, then, until he could be sure that she would be safe. Until the others arrived to take her back to the village, where she could go home through the well, never to see him again.
Inuyasha was pulled from his spiraling thoughts when the wound on his arm suddenly started tingling.
What the hell? he thought in mild annoyance, pulling back the sleeve of his kosode to have a look.
For the first time, he truly examined the strange wound on his arm. At first he’d brushed it off as a lingering, healing injury from his ordeal with the oni, though now that he thought about it, he didn’t appear to be injured in any other way, which didn’t make any sense. He remembered taking quite the beating, so if all of his other injuries had healed thanks to the power boost of his transformation, why would this single wound have remained? And as he continued to examine the strange puncture wound, it only took Inuyasha a moment to realize that it really looked more like a bite mark than anything else, and the oni had most certainly never bitten him…at least that he could remember. Sniffing the wound proved even more confusing, when he realized he could smell faint traces of his own saliva, though the shape and pattern didn’t seem to match his teeth. But beyond that, beyond the scent of his own saliva on the bite mark, he could smell Kagome. Kagome’s saliva. Hell, just Kagome in general. The wound smelled like her.
But that would mean…
Eyes snapping back up to the woman who stood not twenty feet away, still seemingly unaware of his presence, Inuyasha’s eyes widened in horror as he observed the way the miko had her hair pulled to the left as she washed away dried blood from what looked to be a fairly deep wound on the right side of her neck, where her throat met her shoulder.
Right where a mating mark would go.
Oh fuck me…
He’d marked her. He’d fucking marked her!
Fuck! he mentally cursed.
He’d marked her, and, apparently thanks to his help, she’d marked him in return. Now what was he supposed to do? He couldn’t abandon her any more than he could stay by her side. It wasn’t that he regretted being bonded to her, at face value. It was something he’d wanted for a long time now, truth be told. He had wanted to discuss his feelings with her; he’d always planned on coming to her when the mission was over, when Naraku was defeated and Kikyou again resting peacefully. He would have swallowed his pride, confessed his love, and asked her to be his mate. Of course, the moment he’d first woken up to discover what he had just done in his mad youkai craze, he’d known that his hopes and dreams for the future were as shattered as Kagome’s faith and trust in him, but so now…to discover that after everything, they were actually bonded, what did it all mean? Well, he knew what it meant, on the surface. It meant that she was his life-mate now, not that he suspected she knew that, or would ever approve.
Oh kami, and what about pups?!
That was one of the main reasons why he had wanted to wait until after their mission was over, right there. Even if you overlooked the fact that they were bonded, just for a moment, supposing he hadn’t marked her, he’d still given her his seed. What if she was pupped? It was far too dangerous for Kagome to be with-child right now, not that he supposed he would have any choice in the matter if fate decided to throw that little curveball their way. Knowing Kagome, she’d be too kind and loving to take out her anger with him on an innocent child, and she would keep the baby, her life ruined even more beyond repair than it already was. Where would be a miko with a hanyou baby be welcomed in his world? Or in her world, for that matter? She wouldn’t be able to stay in her time if their child looked even remotely demonic. Hopefully, if not for himself, then at least for Kagome’s own sake, the gods would be with her and grant the single favor of her not having conceived.
His arm tingled again, once again pulling him from his thoughts, and glancing back up Kagome’s way, Inuyasha mentally cringed as he saw Kagome examining her mark, rubbing it with her fingers. Perhaps she was trying to ascertain the extent of the damage, since that was one of the few wounds she couldn’t actually see for herself, at least without a mirror. Instinct wanted to tell him that she was calling out to him, but he damped that feeling down, knowing it couldn’t be so. Even so, before he had even registered what he was doing, he had begun delicately rubbing at his own mark, realizing his action too late as the sensation traveled straight to Kagome, who immediately turned around to glance his way. He froze.
So, we are connected through the marks, interesting… Kagome thought to herself, having sensed his presence behind her for some time now thanks to her heightened youkai senses. Senses he must not have realized were so strong, judging by the ‘deer in the headlights’ look he was currently giving her at having been caught.
Their eyes locked for a moment, and then suddenly, Inuyasha shifted his gaze, his eyes traveling up and down her body, though not in a way that Kagome found pleasurable. His expression was one of disgust, of horror and self-loathing, and she knew immediately that she had her work cut out for her.
Inuyasha was in shock at the sight before him. She had even more slash marks on her front than she did on her back, with additional puncture wounds on her hips and shoulders. He couldn’t miss the ‘love bites’ circling her breasts, either, and he quickly felt himself getting sick again. Trailing his eyes over her mate mark one last time, the hanyou eventually, regretfully, shifted his eyes to meet her gaze. Remarkably, her eyes didn’t seem hostile as she continued looked back his way.
Come to think of it…
Taking a deep breath, Inuyasha’s own eyes widened a bit to discover that her scent held no anger whatsoever. Even more than that, thanks to their newly formed bond, he could actually feel her emotions now, not just scent them, and so she was definitely not feeling angry. Nor was she feeling any sorrow, remorse, betrayal or fear. She did seem mildly embarrassed, an emotion she acted out in that moment as she self-consciously reached for his suikan before draping it around herself, belatedly causing him to realize that he had just been openly staring at her naked body, though he was pretty sure she’d realized it wasn’t really her body, itself, that he had been staring at. But besides embarrassment, the only emotions he could detect in her scent and aura were worry, confusion, depression, desperation, longing and…love.
Wait…love? She can’t possibly still…
“Kagome…?” he dared to voice quietly, so softly that she might not have even heard him were it not for her heightened senses.
Mentally, Kagome cringed, unsure of where to begin, of how to approach this. She could tell from his expression that he knew, at least through deduction, what had happened, but without his memories to relay what had truly taken place between them, the miko also knew that he was allowing his nightmarish imagination to run away with him. She had found that she could somewhat sense his emotions, another side effect of their bonding, apparently, and she could somehow feel in her heart as well as scent, for lack of a better word, what he was feeling. He was scared, terrified really, and shamed. She felt an uncanny urge from deep within herself to comfort him, and decided to rely on her brand new youkai instincts in that moment, hoping that the behavior that popped into her head as the natural thing to do really was the right thing to do in that moment.
And so it was that, wordlessly, Kagome raised her hand back up to her mark, gently stroking the scarred flesh, her actions sending shivers through Inuyasha’s body.
His eyes widened again, confusion dominating his other emotions for the time being. What was she doing? Why was she stroking her mark? She couldn’t possibly know the effect that had on him, did she? He tried to resist the urge to relax as her stroking sent calming waves throughout his entire body. Did she know that they were connected? Worry would have accompanied his queries except for the fact that, even now, her scent and aura both still remained void of hostile emotions.
Then she spoke.
“What’s the last thing you remember, Inuyasha?” she asked him gently, which gave him pause. Even despite not picking up any hatred in her, part of him was still surprised that the first word out of her mouth hadn’t been the subjugation command.
Truly thinking about her question, Inuyasha did his best to answer her honestly.
“We were fighting that oni, then it took off into the woods and I grabbed you, running after it.”
“Think harder, Inuyasha…” she replied. “Do you remember anything from after we caught up with it and attacked it again?”
It took him a moment, but…
“I…I remember fighting it in the woods. You were out of arrows. I couldn’t use a more powerful attack in such close quarters without risking you getting injured, so I was trying to lure it away, so I could finish it with a Kaze no Kizu. It’s hazy, but I do remember Tetsusaiga getting knocked from my grasp…”
He closed his eyes, concentrating hard, but he could not remember a single shred of anything from after the oni grabbed a hold of him, right after losing his sword. He remembered the katana getting knocked from his hand, the transformed blade imbedding itself into a tree before reverting to its dormant state, and he remembered the oni latching onto him in that split second he’d been distracted…and then he was waking up in the clearing, naked and smelling of sex and Kagome’s blood.
“Kagome…” he said after a moment, so much pain present in his voice one would think he was whimpering over her dead body. “What…what have I done?”
She heard the crack in his voice as he asked that, and were those tears in his eyes? She tried to project her love to him in that moment, not that she really understood how to project her emotions, though she concentrated on how much love she felt for him, hoping he would be able to feel it in her just as she could feel his obvious despair.
“It’s all right, Inuya-”
“No it’s not fucking all right!!” he bellowed suddenly, interrupting her.
She blinked at him, surprised by his outburst. Under normal circumstances, she knew she would have probably misunderstood him, becoming aggravated herself by his tone, misinterpreting his meaning. But he wasn’t disgusted over the fact that they were mated, and she knew that, thanks to their bond. He was merely disgusted with himself over the fact that he had supposedly taken her against her will. She was sure he thought he’d violently raped her, and while their joining most definitely had been violent, she needed to make him understand that she had been a willing participant. He didn’t need to know that she’d been too scared at the time to try to resist him, fearing he might turn even more violent if she did. The bottom line was that she had wanted to be with him for a long time now, and so while this encounter had most certainly come out of nowhere, and had not happened the way she’d always envisioned, she did not regret the fact that they were mated now. The way she saw it, it would have been rape had she not wanted him, but the fact that she had wanted him made all the difference in the world. And she knew he wanted her too. She could sense it, among all the chaos. While the guilt and remorse he felt would probably be the same had he only thought of her as a friend, she couldn’t miss the added twinge of despair when he looked at her, as if he’d lost all of his hopes and dreams, not to mention the fact that he never would’ve mated with her in the first place had no part of him felt that way about her. True, there was still the possibility that only his youkai half wanted her, and his human heart was still hung up on Kikyou, but one problem at a time.
“Inuyasha…” she started in that moment, her tone gentle as she took a few steps forward, reaching out for him. Unexpectedly, he recoiled in fear at her approach.
“Get away from me!” he shouted, before suddenly turning and bolting into the woods, making a leap for the trees.
He had to get away from her. He wasn’t worthy of being in her presence, and he didn’t want her pity. He was confused over why he was still picking up strong feelings of love from her, but when she suddenly moved to approach him, he just lost it, plain and simple. He couldn’t let her touch him. He wasn’t afraid of her touching him, he was afraid of him touching her, and in that moment his ‘fight or flight’ instincts kicked in; fighting her wasn’t an option.
Rolling her eyes, Kagome sighed…
“Osuwari!” she shouted, flinching as she almost seemed to share the sensation of his impact with the dirt, though there was no actual pain associated with it. Quickly donning her shoes and socks, she ran after him, regretfully subduing him a second time when he started to rise before she reached him.
Inuyasha was panicking.
When Kagome’s first subduing command suddenly knocked him from the skies he didn’t really get angry over it because he knew he deserved a hundred times worse, but then he realized that she was approaching him and he couldn’t move. Fighting the spell as best he could, he started to push himself up off the dirt only to be shoved back down a second time, so reluctantly, he stayed put after that, realizing there was nowhere to run.
Kagome didn’t know what to say as she gazed down at Inuyasha’s prone form, lying face down on the forest floor. She could hear him muttering to himself, but training her ears on the sound, she was able to tell that his muffled curses were all aimed inward, her superior hearing picking up a slew of horrible names he was quietly calling himself, though no insults directed towards her left his lips even once. Unthinkingly, she threw herself down to the ground beside him, pulling him up and into her embrace. He struggled against her hold, though the kotodama still had him mostly immobile from her second subduing, barely able to twist his face so that their eyes could lock, as he glared at her. Then she did something that he never would have expected in a million years. A single tear tract marred his cheek, a result of his shame, not the cause of it. But he was unable to wipe his face as the beads kept his limbs immobile, and then, before the spell fully wore off, she leaned down and licked him. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Kagome now possessed canine-youkai instincts, and she put those impulses to good use in that moment as she cleaned him, kissing him in the inu way. Inuyasha knew in that moment that she truly did still love him, and he immediately stopped resisting her, lying calmly in her arms even as the subduing beads finally released their hold on him. Wrapping his own arms up and around her in return, he hugged her fiercely as more tears fell.
Inuyasha, and the characters therein, are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. I am in no way affiliated with Takahashi, or VIZ Productions.
========================
Chapter 2 – What have I done?
Kagome awoke a short time later still embraced in Inuyasha’s arms. It only took a moment for the memories of all that had transpired to wash over her, and she found herself hit with a wave of mixed emotions as a result. Above all else, though, she knew she didn’t regret anything. While it was true that she had become partially influenced by his blood, even without that power boost the miko knew that there was simply no denying her feelings for him. She had loved him, and wanted to be with him, for a few months now.
As she thought about all of the different ways his blood had affected her, it only took Kagome a couple of seconds to realize that some of the changes she had experienced were still in effect, and were most likely permanent. She could definitely tell that her senses were heightened, the forest seeming so much more alive than it had ever seemed to her before, with scents and sounds she had never noticed before. Sango had told her something once in passing about inu-youkai mating, when the slayer had first realized that her friend had feelings for the hanyou. Though she hadn’t gone into specifics, like just how the exchanging of blood took place – Kagome had envisioned a blood-brother type of situation – the miko had been informed that inu-youkai, as well as most other higher youkai species, possessed the ability, using this exchange, to bind themselves with their mate on a much deeper level than anything two humans were capable of experiencing. The words had been meant as reassurance, assuring Kagome that Inuyasha and Kikyou had not been bound in this, the most intimate of ways possible for Inuyasha’s kind. Had Kikyou been his mate, such loyalty couldn’t be broken, plain and simple, but the absence of that bond instead revealed that Inuyasha had not chosen Kikyou with finality. In fact, Kikyou had wanted Inuyasha to turn human, which meant that they would have only been husband and wife, not mates. Kikyou had claimed to love Inuyasha ‘despite’ his youkai blood, but she had not accepted him as a hanyou. Sango had told Kagome two things one day when they had bathed in private, once it had become apparent to the taijiya that the future-born miko was experiencing a serious case of longing for the inu-hanyou. One, the indestructible bond between mates was optional – it was something Kagome would have to voluntarily and actively participate in, so she needn’t fear the bonding as unavoidable should the two of them simply lose themselves to the moment. Kagome had blushed at that piece of information, but had thanked her friend for the knowledge nonetheless. Secondly, Sango had also made sure that Kagome comprehended the importance of the mate-bond, in that if they ever did complete such a union, there would be no turning back, though there would also be no reason to doubt his loyalty to her in his heart. If he were willing to bond with her, it meant that he loved her, and her alone. If she were willing to bond with him it would be a milestone for the hanyou who was still convinced nobody could truly accept him for his mixed heritage.
As Kagome continued to lie peacefully in his arms, she knew that he wouldn’t have to worry about that fear any longer. She loved him, she accepted him, and she was his mate, for the rest of their lives. Sango had also told her that if she and Inuyasha bonded in that way, that it would increase her physical strength, giving her some youkai-like abilities, and most specifically, she would gain his lifespan. It made sense because in a way, it was like their souls were tied together, becoming one soul, and since his youki was so strong, there was no way her human weaknesses would drag him down with her, following the logic of a chain only being as strong as the weakest link. No, it was thanks to his youki that the bond was even possible in the first place, so his strengths were unquestionably the dominating factor in that regard.
Deciding that she couldn’t just lie around forever, especially when she was sure that sooner or later a certain taijiya and houshi would show up looking for them, Kagome tilted her head to gaze the position of the sun, trying to calculate how much time had actually passed. Fortunately, it looked as though she’d only been asleep for maybe an hour, so she most likely didn’t need to spring to her feet in a mad dash to get dressed. Then she cringed as she remembered the way Inuyasha had shredded her clothing. So much for trying to act casual by the time their friends arrived. Wigging her lower half carefully, Kagome sighed in relief to discover that they were at least no longer connected, Inuyasha having softened and separated from her at some point. Carefully removing his arm from its possessive embrace across her body, Kagome was amazed that the hanyou behind her remained asleep as she slipped out from underneath his hold before sitting herself up, taking a moment to glance around their ‘campsite’.
It didn’t take long for her vision to lock onto the remains of the oni Inuyasha had shredded in a similar fashion to her clothing, and she felt herself getting sick for a brief moment.
We did that near a dead body?
Shaking the eerie feeling free, she brushed it aside as she skimmed their surroundings for his suikan, knowing the fire-rat robe would have to function as her garment for the time being. Glancing down over her body, Kagome grimaced at the sight of all the little cuts and scraps she’d accumulated thanks to his claws and teeth, though she was thankful that they at least didn’t hurt. In fact, she could almost feel them healing, and figured in that moment that just a quick rinse off in that little stream was probably all that was needed, mainly to clear away the dirt and dried blood. She wouldn’t need to apply any medicine; she could tell she wouldn’t develop an infection. Not after the way he had licked the wounds clean, and especially not with the healing properties of his youki pulsing throughout her own body.
A slow smile spread itself across her lips at the thought.
They were bonded, they were mates, and nothing could ever change that. It didn’t even occur to her to be worried over the youkai blood in her system proving to be a burden in regard to keeping the jewel shards pure, as she riffled through the remains of her school uniform for the discarded glass bottle she was relieved to find was right where it’d fallen, nothing having made off with it while they were asleep. That wouldn’t have been good. Turning to gaze in Inuyasha’s direction in that moment, Kagome marveled over the fact that he was still asleep, though she also breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of his blemish-free cheeks and normal claw length, indicating that his youkai transformation had reversed itself. At least she wouldn’t have to deal with youkai-Inuyasha when he woke up.
That thought caused her brain to come to a screeching halt. He wouldn’t remember anything from his transformation, would he?
And she had been so happy only a moment prior. Kagome remembered with perfect clarity the way he had grumbled her name, her name, during their joining. There was no doubt in her mind that he had chosen her, truly and fully. From what Sango had told her, she wouldn’t have thought it would be possible to accidentally mate-bond with the wrong person, anyway, so she would’ve really tried to avoid the nasty thought that he had somehow mistaken her for Kikyou, but with the fact that he had actually said her name, she didn’t even have to give such a scenario a passing thought. But how was she supposed to deal with a mate who didn’t even remember their act of joining? Was he going to freak out on her? Was he going to accept that his youkai side had done for him what he himself must have secretly already wanted? Or was he going to deny that he’d wanted her, and curse his youkai half for trapping them together? Was it even possible that his youkai half had trapped them together? What if his lingering indecisions between her and Kikyou were more deeply rooted than simply not knowing whom to choose? What if his youkai side wanted her, but his human side wanted Kikyou? After all, he would have become human for her, so the human man in him had been willing to sacrifice everything, even half of himself, just to be with her. Though it was no wonder why that same would-be sacrifice made her, Kagome, number-one in the youkai’s eyes. Why would his youkai side choose Kikyou when she wanted to kill his youkai side? But in that moment, Kagome realized she was debating in a vacuum, and did her best to keep her emotions in check. There was really no way she would know how Inuyasha was going to react to everything until he actually woke up and started reacting, and as he continued to sleep soundly in that moment, the miko found herself suddenly having no desire to wake him. Yes, it was cowardly to want to prolong the inevitable, but she was only human.
Well, I guess that’s not really true any more. I’m part youkai now…at least a little bit.
Keeping that thought in mind, Kagome focused on how much more sensitive her hearing had become, using that as her guide for how silent she needed to be so as to continue not disturbing the slumbering inu-hanyou by her side. It had to be thanks to her newfound youkai abilities, stealth among them, that she managed to slip away, suikan in hand, as she headed over to the small spring at the edge of the clearing, taking a moment to travel a little ways downstream so that her splashing wouldn’t disturb him, either. Though she would have to wake him before too much longer if he showed no sign of rousing on his own, she realized begrudgingly. She was certain that their friends were out there somewhere, looking for them, and she was equally certain that Inuyasha would not appreciate them stumbling upon him sleeping naked, especially if he awoke with no knowledge of how he’d gotten that way.
```````````````````````````````````````
&# 8220;Do you sense anything else yet, Houshi-sama?” Sango asked again as they scanned the ground from the skies above.
They had lost the trail over an hour ago, and Miroku had since been unable to detect the demonic auras of either the oni they had originally been pursuing, or the transformed Inuyasha. While they hadn’t been witness to their hanyou friend’s transformation, Miroku had instantly sensed the increase in his youki when it had happened, as he and Sango had been giving chase after where Inuyasha and Kagome had taken off to in pursuit of the fleeing oni. Now that he could no longer sense the increase of Inuyasha’s power, part of him found comfort in the fact that it meant Inuyasha had finally reverted back into his hanyou form, though trying to detect his hanyou aura was proving quite difficult for the time being.
“I’m afraid not, Sango.” he replied then, in answer to her question.
Clutching his staff tightly, Miroku closed his eyes, attempting to stretch his senses even further. He could feel Inuyasha’s youki brush up against his psyche, just barely, but it was still too faint to pinpoint any sort of a direction. The hanyou must be unconscious, or at the very least soundly asleep.
“I can still feel that he is somewhere close by, but that is all I can determine.”
“Then it’s up to you, Kirara.” Sango said then, leaning forward to pat the shoulder of her feline companion. “Take us down, we’ll have to track him by scent the rest of the way.”
Kirara gave an affirmative roar as she descended. Her sense of smell was keen, though not as precise as a canine’s. She couldn’t detect his scent from the air and would have to track him by foot. It would take them much longer to locate Kagome and Inuyasha that way, but at least they would eventually locate them. Transforming into her kitten form as soon as Miroku and Sango dismounted, Kirara dashed about, zigzagging through the forest faster than the humans could follow even with their eyes. After a few minutes she returned to them, meowing in a way they knew meant to follow her. She had found the scent trail.
As they walked, Sango silently prayed that they would find their friends both unharmed and well. She was terrified to know that Inuyasha had transformed, both worried for his own well being, as well as Kagome’s. The slayer knew that Inuyasha had to be near death in order to transform, so she did hope that he was all right, but even more than that, she hoped that his transformation had then been reversed because of Kagome’s kind and loving influence, not because she had been forced to purify him in self-defense. While it was true that regardless of the circumstances, the fact that Inuyasha was no longer transformed meant that any danger to Kagome had now passed, she could only hope that it didn’t also mean they were already too late. If he had attacked Kagome, even if the miko had properly defended herself, Sango knew that such an occurrence would leave scars; emotionally if not physically.
```````````````````````````````````````````` ```````
Inuyasha awoke slowly, his head swimming. It was the sensation one would expect when gradually regaining consciousness after a blackout. Moaning as he stretched his stiff muscles, Inuyasha inhaled deeply, instinctively taking in his surroundings even before he opened his eyes. One breath was all it took.
Kagome’s blood?!
Eyes snapping open, he immediately scanned his position, ignoring the mild throbbing of his head that he had come to associate with a transformation. It didn’t take long for his eyes to focus on the remains of the oni he vaguely remembered battling. Yes…yes he remembered, he and his friends had responded to a village’s cry for aid, and he and Kagome had given chase of the oni after it had attempted to flee. He remembered getting Tetsusaiga knocked from his hands… Gulping as his head continued to ache, Inuyasha concluded with rising anxiety that he must have transformed. But…where was Kagome? Was she all right? Her scent was all over the surrounding area, so he couldn’t convince himself that he had gone off on his own after the oni without her. If he had, she had undoubtedly followed him. But what worried him the most was the scent of her blood. Continuing to scan the area, his eyes widened in horror when he suddenly noticed what looked distinctively like the shredded remains of her school uniform. Then, lying not too far away from her clothing was…his clothing? Looking down over himself, Inuyasha realized for the first time that he was naked, and instead of feeling even mildly embarrassed, that realization instead filled him with nothing but terror. The scent of Kagome’s blood was strong in the air, and her clothes were lying in a shredded pile near his own discarded wardrobe. As he examined himself further, his eyes skimmed over a wound on his arm he couldn’t care less about to note with absolute horror that there was dried traces of Kagome’s blood resting underneath his claws. It wasn’t a lot, not enough to be life threatening, but the fact still remained that he had come after her with his claws.
Almost in slow motion, his eyes skimmed back over to their clothing, before glancing back down at himself. His flaccid penis was caked with a dry coating of something that was not blood, though it still smelled wholly of Kagome.
Turning his head to wretch on the spot, Inuyasha couldn’t even muscle up the self-worth to pull his hair out of the way when it fanned down around him like a curtain to conceal his shame. There was no doubt in his mind what had taken place. But…where was Kagome? He had to find her; he had to make sure she was…okay. At least, if she had gotten up to walk away, that was encouraging, right? At least she wasn’t injured too badly…physically. How badly her spirit had been broken was another matter entirely, but he wouldn’t know the answer to that until he found her. Dragging himself away from his mess to get dressed on autopilot, Inuyasha realized almost immediately that his suikan was missing, and for that he was grateful. It at least meant that Kagome was clothed in something, though he couldn’t convince himself that she wasn’t loath to be forced to wear something of his, under the circumstances. Probably no matter how badly she hated him, wearing his robe would be preferable to being naked, he supposed.
I fucking raped her…she probably wants to burn the gods damned thing, and me along with it.
Too bad both he and his kimono were normally resistant to fire, though he would make an appointment with her for his execution on the next new moon if he could just know that she was going to be all right. Taking a moment to sniff his surroundings more thoroughly, doing his best not to gag when the lingering scent of sex assaulted his nose, it didn’t take Inuyasha long to find Kagome’s trail, turning right as he reached the water’s edge to follow her scent downstream.
With the curve in the spring as it traveled beside the forest Kagome wasn’t immediately in view, but as he came upon the sound of splashing that sounded unnatural against the spring’s steady rhythm, Inuyasha ducked back into the woods so that he could observe Kagome for a moment before making his presence known. Coming to stand beside a large tree, he saw her, watching with a knot in his chest as she rinsed off in the shallow water, his suikan and her shoes and socks laying on a low bolder at the water’s edge. His heart stopped beating at the sight of how many wounds he had apparently inflicted upon her, thin slashes marring her back and arms at random, presumably in his haste to rid her of her clothing. So far he was only privy to a view of her backside, which was fine since he didn’t want to risk her noticing him staring at her, but at the sight of the gruesome puncture wounds on her hips, he felt the bile rise back up in his throat at the knowledge of how he must have gripped her while doing the deed. It figured that he would take her from behind…like the dog he was. He suppressed a whimper when she lifted one leg to clean in between, catching a glimpse of what looked like bite marks along her inner thighs. Was nothing sacred?
His dead and motionless heart began to shrink and wither, the pain simply too much to bear.
How he had longed to be with Kagome…like that…and now he’d gone and…and…he hated being a weak hanyou! Why couldn’t he keep control over himself, damn it?! Kagome, his Kagome…so kind, loving, and trusting…he treasured her, he cherished her, he loved her, and now, he had ruined everything. There was no way she could ever forgive him, but he didn’t even want her to! What he had done, it was unforgivable. He wanted nothing more at that moment than to run away, deep into the woods, never to be seen or heard from again. Though…he couldn’t just leave her there by herself, not when the others hadn’t found them yet. He couldn’t detect any trace of their scents, which meant that they were nowhere in the nearby vicinity. He would observe from the shadows, then, until he could be sure that she would be safe. Until the others arrived to take her back to the village, where she could go home through the well, never to see him again.
Inuyasha was pulled from his spiraling thoughts when the wound on his arm suddenly started tingling.
What the hell? he thought in mild annoyance, pulling back the sleeve of his kosode to have a look.
For the first time, he truly examined the strange wound on his arm. At first he’d brushed it off as a lingering, healing injury from his ordeal with the oni, though now that he thought about it, he didn’t appear to be injured in any other way, which didn’t make any sense. He remembered taking quite the beating, so if all of his other injuries had healed thanks to the power boost of his transformation, why would this single wound have remained? And as he continued to examine the strange puncture wound, it only took Inuyasha a moment to realize that it really looked more like a bite mark than anything else, and the oni had most certainly never bitten him…at least that he could remember. Sniffing the wound proved even more confusing, when he realized he could smell faint traces of his own saliva, though the shape and pattern didn’t seem to match his teeth. But beyond that, beyond the scent of his own saliva on the bite mark, he could smell Kagome. Kagome’s saliva. Hell, just Kagome in general. The wound smelled like her.
But that would mean…
Eyes snapping back up to the woman who stood not twenty feet away, still seemingly unaware of his presence, Inuyasha’s eyes widened in horror as he observed the way the miko had her hair pulled to the left as she washed away dried blood from what looked to be a fairly deep wound on the right side of her neck, where her throat met her shoulder.
Right where a mating mark would go.
Oh fuck me…
He’d marked her. He’d fucking marked her!
Fuck! he mentally cursed.
He’d marked her, and, apparently thanks to his help, she’d marked him in return. Now what was he supposed to do? He couldn’t abandon her any more than he could stay by her side. It wasn’t that he regretted being bonded to her, at face value. It was something he’d wanted for a long time now, truth be told. He had wanted to discuss his feelings with her; he’d always planned on coming to her when the mission was over, when Naraku was defeated and Kikyou again resting peacefully. He would have swallowed his pride, confessed his love, and asked her to be his mate. Of course, the moment he’d first woken up to discover what he had just done in his mad youkai craze, he’d known that his hopes and dreams for the future were as shattered as Kagome’s faith and trust in him, but so now…to discover that after everything, they were actually bonded, what did it all mean? Well, he knew what it meant, on the surface. It meant that she was his life-mate now, not that he suspected she knew that, or would ever approve.
Oh kami, and what about pups?!
That was one of the main reasons why he had wanted to wait until after their mission was over, right there. Even if you overlooked the fact that they were bonded, just for a moment, supposing he hadn’t marked her, he’d still given her his seed. What if she was pupped? It was far too dangerous for Kagome to be with-child right now, not that he supposed he would have any choice in the matter if fate decided to throw that little curveball their way. Knowing Kagome, she’d be too kind and loving to take out her anger with him on an innocent child, and she would keep the baby, her life ruined even more beyond repair than it already was. Where would be a miko with a hanyou baby be welcomed in his world? Or in her world, for that matter? She wouldn’t be able to stay in her time if their child looked even remotely demonic. Hopefully, if not for himself, then at least for Kagome’s own sake, the gods would be with her and grant the single favor of her not having conceived.
His arm tingled again, once again pulling him from his thoughts, and glancing back up Kagome’s way, Inuyasha mentally cringed as he saw Kagome examining her mark, rubbing it with her fingers. Perhaps she was trying to ascertain the extent of the damage, since that was one of the few wounds she couldn’t actually see for herself, at least without a mirror. Instinct wanted to tell him that she was calling out to him, but he damped that feeling down, knowing it couldn’t be so. Even so, before he had even registered what he was doing, he had begun delicately rubbing at his own mark, realizing his action too late as the sensation traveled straight to Kagome, who immediately turned around to glance his way. He froze.
So, we are connected through the marks, interesting… Kagome thought to herself, having sensed his presence behind her for some time now thanks to her heightened youkai senses. Senses he must not have realized were so strong, judging by the ‘deer in the headlights’ look he was currently giving her at having been caught.
Their eyes locked for a moment, and then suddenly, Inuyasha shifted his gaze, his eyes traveling up and down her body, though not in a way that Kagome found pleasurable. His expression was one of disgust, of horror and self-loathing, and she knew immediately that she had her work cut out for her.
Inuyasha was in shock at the sight before him. She had even more slash marks on her front than she did on her back, with additional puncture wounds on her hips and shoulders. He couldn’t miss the ‘love bites’ circling her breasts, either, and he quickly felt himself getting sick again. Trailing his eyes over her mate mark one last time, the hanyou eventually, regretfully, shifted his eyes to meet her gaze. Remarkably, her eyes didn’t seem hostile as she continued looked back his way.
Come to think of it…
Taking a deep breath, Inuyasha’s own eyes widened a bit to discover that her scent held no anger whatsoever. Even more than that, thanks to their newly formed bond, he could actually feel her emotions now, not just scent them, and so she was definitely not feeling angry. Nor was she feeling any sorrow, remorse, betrayal or fear. She did seem mildly embarrassed, an emotion she acted out in that moment as she self-consciously reached for his suikan before draping it around herself, belatedly causing him to realize that he had just been openly staring at her naked body, though he was pretty sure she’d realized it wasn’t really her body, itself, that he had been staring at. But besides embarrassment, the only emotions he could detect in her scent and aura were worry, confusion, depression, desperation, longing and…love.
Wait…love? She can’t possibly still…
“Kagome…?” he dared to voice quietly, so softly that she might not have even heard him were it not for her heightened senses.
Mentally, Kagome cringed, unsure of where to begin, of how to approach this. She could tell from his expression that he knew, at least through deduction, what had happened, but without his memories to relay what had truly taken place between them, the miko also knew that he was allowing his nightmarish imagination to run away with him. She had found that she could somewhat sense his emotions, another side effect of their bonding, apparently, and she could somehow feel in her heart as well as scent, for lack of a better word, what he was feeling. He was scared, terrified really, and shamed. She felt an uncanny urge from deep within herself to comfort him, and decided to rely on her brand new youkai instincts in that moment, hoping that the behavior that popped into her head as the natural thing to do really was the right thing to do in that moment.
And so it was that, wordlessly, Kagome raised her hand back up to her mark, gently stroking the scarred flesh, her actions sending shivers through Inuyasha’s body.
His eyes widened again, confusion dominating his other emotions for the time being. What was she doing? Why was she stroking her mark? She couldn’t possibly know the effect that had on him, did she? He tried to resist the urge to relax as her stroking sent calming waves throughout his entire body. Did she know that they were connected? Worry would have accompanied his queries except for the fact that, even now, her scent and aura both still remained void of hostile emotions.
Then she spoke.
“What’s the last thing you remember, Inuyasha?” she asked him gently, which gave him pause. Even despite not picking up any hatred in her, part of him was still surprised that the first word out of her mouth hadn’t been the subjugation command.
Truly thinking about her question, Inuyasha did his best to answer her honestly.
“We were fighting that oni, then it took off into the woods and I grabbed you, running after it.”
“Think harder, Inuyasha…” she replied. “Do you remember anything from after we caught up with it and attacked it again?”
It took him a moment, but…
“I…I remember fighting it in the woods. You were out of arrows. I couldn’t use a more powerful attack in such close quarters without risking you getting injured, so I was trying to lure it away, so I could finish it with a Kaze no Kizu. It’s hazy, but I do remember Tetsusaiga getting knocked from my grasp…”
He closed his eyes, concentrating hard, but he could not remember a single shred of anything from after the oni grabbed a hold of him, right after losing his sword. He remembered the katana getting knocked from his hand, the transformed blade imbedding itself into a tree before reverting to its dormant state, and he remembered the oni latching onto him in that split second he’d been distracted…and then he was waking up in the clearing, naked and smelling of sex and Kagome’s blood.
“Kagome…” he said after a moment, so much pain present in his voice one would think he was whimpering over her dead body. “What…what have I done?”
She heard the crack in his voice as he asked that, and were those tears in his eyes? She tried to project her love to him in that moment, not that she really understood how to project her emotions, though she concentrated on how much love she felt for him, hoping he would be able to feel it in her just as she could feel his obvious despair.
“It’s all right, Inuya-”
“No it’s not fucking all right!!” he bellowed suddenly, interrupting her.
She blinked at him, surprised by his outburst. Under normal circumstances, she knew she would have probably misunderstood him, becoming aggravated herself by his tone, misinterpreting his meaning. But he wasn’t disgusted over the fact that they were mated, and she knew that, thanks to their bond. He was merely disgusted with himself over the fact that he had supposedly taken her against her will. She was sure he thought he’d violently raped her, and while their joining most definitely had been violent, she needed to make him understand that she had been a willing participant. He didn’t need to know that she’d been too scared at the time to try to resist him, fearing he might turn even more violent if she did. The bottom line was that she had wanted to be with him for a long time now, and so while this encounter had most certainly come out of nowhere, and had not happened the way she’d always envisioned, she did not regret the fact that they were mated now. The way she saw it, it would have been rape had she not wanted him, but the fact that she had wanted him made all the difference in the world. And she knew he wanted her too. She could sense it, among all the chaos. While the guilt and remorse he felt would probably be the same had he only thought of her as a friend, she couldn’t miss the added twinge of despair when he looked at her, as if he’d lost all of his hopes and dreams, not to mention the fact that he never would’ve mated with her in the first place had no part of him felt that way about her. True, there was still the possibility that only his youkai half wanted her, and his human heart was still hung up on Kikyou, but one problem at a time.
“Inuyasha…” she started in that moment, her tone gentle as she took a few steps forward, reaching out for him. Unexpectedly, he recoiled in fear at her approach.
“Get away from me!” he shouted, before suddenly turning and bolting into the woods, making a leap for the trees.
He had to get away from her. He wasn’t worthy of being in her presence, and he didn’t want her pity. He was confused over why he was still picking up strong feelings of love from her, but when she suddenly moved to approach him, he just lost it, plain and simple. He couldn’t let her touch him. He wasn’t afraid of her touching him, he was afraid of him touching her, and in that moment his ‘fight or flight’ instincts kicked in; fighting her wasn’t an option.
Rolling her eyes, Kagome sighed…
“Osuwari!” she shouted, flinching as she almost seemed to share the sensation of his impact with the dirt, though there was no actual pain associated with it. Quickly donning her shoes and socks, she ran after him, regretfully subduing him a second time when he started to rise before she reached him.
Inuyasha was panicking.
When Kagome’s first subduing command suddenly knocked him from the skies he didn’t really get angry over it because he knew he deserved a hundred times worse, but then he realized that she was approaching him and he couldn’t move. Fighting the spell as best he could, he started to push himself up off the dirt only to be shoved back down a second time, so reluctantly, he stayed put after that, realizing there was nowhere to run.
Kagome didn’t know what to say as she gazed down at Inuyasha’s prone form, lying face down on the forest floor. She could hear him muttering to himself, but training her ears on the sound, she was able to tell that his muffled curses were all aimed inward, her superior hearing picking up a slew of horrible names he was quietly calling himself, though no insults directed towards her left his lips even once. Unthinkingly, she threw herself down to the ground beside him, pulling him up and into her embrace. He struggled against her hold, though the kotodama still had him mostly immobile from her second subduing, barely able to twist his face so that their eyes could lock, as he glared at her. Then she did something that he never would have expected in a million years. A single tear tract marred his cheek, a result of his shame, not the cause of it. But he was unable to wipe his face as the beads kept his limbs immobile, and then, before the spell fully wore off, she leaned down and licked him. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Kagome now possessed canine-youkai instincts, and she put those impulses to good use in that moment as she cleaned him, kissing him in the inu way. Inuyasha knew in that moment that she truly did still love him, and he immediately stopped resisting her, lying calmly in her arms even as the subduing beads finally released their hold on him. Wrapping his own arms up and around her in return, he hugged her fiercely as more tears fell.