InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Red String ❯ Recollections of Goodbye ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or it's affiliated characters, sad but tru. They belong to Rumiko Takahashi and Bandai. Of course I do claim my own rights to this particular story, and any original characters I happen to throw in here.

 

 

Red String

By Eden

 

Chapter One: Recollections of Goodbye

 

“Kagome, why?” Inuyasha was holding the girl by the shoulders, his claws digging into her arms slightly as he demanded answers.

 

Her eyes were downcast, she couldn't bring herself to meet the Hanyo's gaze, knowing that the moment she did so, her resolve would immediately crumble. She had never attempted something like this before, not even during the most vicious of the arguments between Inuyasha and herself, and not even after the time she had caught him together with Kikyo under the Goshinboku.

 

“I have to do this,” Kagome's voice was barely over a whisper, “I know it will be for the best.”

 

Inuyasha's sensitive hearing picked up every word. “How is this for the best?” he sneered back at her, shaking her once to emphasis his point. “How is running away going to solve anything?”

 

Anger suddenly boiled in her veins. Who was he to talk about cowardice? He, who could couldn't even make up his mind about which Miko he preferred or how he felt about each of them. “I'm not running away!” she shouted up at him, capturing his golden gaze with her own steely one. “The Shikon no tama has been reassembled and Naraku is dead. You don't need me anymore!”

 

He looked shocked for a moment, his face lost the hard expression, and he blinked once. “Don't need you anymore?” The anger flashed back into his eyes. “What about the runt then, hmm? You think HE doesn't need you anymore? You're the closest thing he has to a mother. Sango and Miroku will-“

 

“-Will be fine!” Kagome couldn't help yelling back at Inuyasha when some of the anger she was feeling turned into aspiration. “I spoke with everyone this morning. None of them want to see me go either, but they UNDERSTAND! They understand how important it is for me to go home to TRY and pass my entrance exams and to get into a good university.”

 

Inuyasha slowly took a breath in, and was about to continue with his earlier yelling, but Kagome cut him off before he had a chance to start this time.

 

“Don't bring Shippo into this again. His reaction was much more mature then yours so far.”

 

He shut his mouth and released Kagome's arms with a loud “Keh!” and turned around so she could no longer see his face. With a few short but smooth movements he had increased the distance between them by a few steps, and had shoved his hands into his billowing sleeves.

 

Kagome sighed, she hadn't been sure exactly what kind of reaction her decision was going to bring out of Inuyasha, but after last night, after the long talk they'd had, she had at least harbored hopes of understanding from the silver haired hanyo. “I really thought you would take this better.” She finally voiced aloud.

 

“How was I supposed to take this?” Inuyasha whipped his head to the side so that Kagome could see one narrowed golden eye glaring at her from behind a silver fringe. “Am I supposed to be happy for you? Is that really what you want from me, Kagome? You want me to be happy about the fact that theirs a good chance none of us will ever see you again?”

 

Her heart seized up inside her chest. She felt her jaw drop open as the blood left her face. Kagome could feel her body go cold as the shock of Inuyasha's words set in. They were true of course; everyone knew it, including herself. Now that the Shikon jewel was completed, and had successfully been purified out of existance, once she dropped down the bone eaters well, there should be no reason why she should be able to come back through. She just hadn't been ready for Inuyasha's blunt rendition of the facts.

 

“I-“ She tried to talk around the lump that had formed in her throat. “I- . . . no. No that's not what I want at all.” Kagome closed her eyes and shook her head.

 

“Well I don't know what you want from me. It sounds like you've already made your decision about this.”

His voice was as hard and his tone as sharp as his razor claws.

 

He had succeeded again in shocking her speechless. Kagome's eyes popped open to try and see what was going across his face, to try and see what he was really feeling, but he had already turned back to face the trees on the other side of the clearing.

 

It was the first time she had actually noticed their surroundings since she had come outside with Inuyasha. It was late spring, so everything in the forest surrounding them was a fresh new green, the trees had already budded out, and the ground was covered with new sprigs of soft grass. The early wild flowers had already died and shriveled to make way for both the summer flowers and the inevitable weeds. The Sakura trees in the village had all blossomed and lost most of their pale pink petals in the spring rains and gentle breezes. The few remaining blossoms clung to the branches fiercely as though protesting the inevitable changing of seasons, refusing to join their fallen sisters till the last possible moment.

 

When they had set out from Kaede's hut the sun had just begun its downward descent towards the horizon. Now the shadows under their feet had stretched to twice their owner's height, and the sky had darkened to a dark purple that blended with the bright oranges of the sun's dying rays.

 

It wasn't surprising to Kagome that when Inuyasha and she had set out for their walk, they had ended up in the clearing that surrounded the well in question. It was one of the two places they always seemed to gravitate towards. It of course, depended on which one of them needed to talk.

 

Kagome had always felt equally safe around the well and Goshinboku. The well though, it represented security to her, that no matter how badly things had been going for them on their quest to find the shards of the sacred jewel or in hunting down Naraku, home was always there. She always had the choice to go home, to reaffirm her sense of purpose, before diving back into the turbulence and confusion of the feudal era once more.

 

Inuyasha tended to retreat to the branches of the Goshinboku whenever he needed time to think. Despite the fact that he had been pinned to the side of the leafy giant for fifty years, Kagome had always noticed the calming effect it seemed to have on the easily irritable hanyo.

 

She'd felt the same thing long before she'd first tumbled down the bone eaters well. She had always felt the strong aura surrounding the tree, making it seem as though it really was a time tree like her grandfather always said it was, a tree that transcended the centuries.

 

As a matter of fact, aside from the well that she had pulled herself out of that first day so long ago, the Goshinboku was a surprisingly welcome and familiar landmark. The tree itself had been the very thing that had led Kagome to her first glimpse of the silver-haired hanyo. Of course that was all in the past, and best left for another day of reminiscing.

 

What the tree meant to Inuyasha? Kagome supposed that it represented one of the greatest turning points in his life. Being pinned to it for as long as he had been would understandably create an invisible bond and bring about a feeling of unquestionable comfort. If that wasn't it, then Kagome was at a loss as to why he spent so much time near it as he did.

 

Perhaps she should've gone to the Goshinboku for this talk. Inuyasha looked like the bit of comfort the tree may have provided would've been welcome. Right now the Bone Eaters Well was nothing more then the visual representation of impending, and incredibly possible, permanent departure. Kagome didn't suppose Inuyasha needed anymore reminders. He was taking this news in the worst possible way, and was driving her even more firmly into her resolve to go through with her decision.

 

“I have made my decision, Inuyasha.” Kagome finally answered the question. “The only thing I had hoped to get from you was your understanding.” She felt her shoulders slump a bit. She was tired of fighting with him.

 

“Understanding?” he scoffed, his back still towards her. “I understand all that I need to. Your going home, back to your tests that keep you up worrying all night; back to that city with things even more dangerous then some youki, and your leaving behind your friends, the people who've traveled with you and fought with you up till now.”

 

Kagome had never heard Inuyasha sound like this before, his words so harsh, spoken with enough force and bite to cut her to the quick. What had happened to the kind, somewhat arrogant, but nevertheless caring Inuyasha she had come to know and care for in return over the last two years? `He's hurt' a voice of reason whispered to her. `He's hurt that your leaving, and he's taking out his hurt on you.'

 

A part of her believed the voice of reason, but another part of her, the defensive part that had been hurt by her own optimism before, was unsure and hurt once more, and this time by Inuyasha's searing words.

 

“I'm not abandoning you,” Kagome said quietly, “It's just that I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do here now that the two things we set out to do are done. There are still things I need to do in my own time though, my family to think of-“

 

“What are we?!” Inuyasha whipped his body around in his anger and frustration to burn his gaze into hers. Even in the dying sunlight, the look was fierce enough to make Kagome straiten her slouched stance and widen her eyes in response.

 

“The five of us have done everything together for nearly 2 years. We've lived together, traveled together and fought together. Hell with that,” He clenched one clawed hand at chest level “We've DEPENDED on each other! How can you just throw something like that away? How can you walk away after all that we've been through?”

 

Tears began to build behind Kagome's eyes as she stared across the clearing at the one person in the world she didn't want to hurt. “Do you think this is easy for me to do? Do you truly think I want to leave after all that's happened, and all that we've done together? I don't. I wish with all of my heart that I could just stay here with you, Sango, Miroku, and Shippo and just see what life has in store for all of us. But I can't do that. I have another life that I've managed to put on hold for the past two years just so that I could stay here and help with finding the jewel shards and killing Naraku. I put all of that before my family, my education, and my own life.

 

“I've loved every moment of the time I've spent here, and I'm going to miss everyone terribly, but Inuyasha, I just don't belong in this time. I'm from the future, I don't have any practical skills that can do any good here with exception to the supplies I can bring through the well, and we both know that without the sacred jewel, its only a matter of time before it closes up and refuses to let me pass through it. I don't honestly know if I'd be able to completely abandon my family like that, without a word.”

 

“But it's alright to abandon us?”

 

Kagome didn't realize she was crying until she could taste the salty moisture on her lips. She angrily tried to wipe it away with the sleeve of her school uniform, bringing her whole arm up to her face. “Stop saying `Us' and `We' Inuyasha. I've already told you, I talked to everyone else; they are actually able to accept my decision, and have wished me good luck. Why can't you quit lying to yourself and just admit that you're the only one who can't accept the fact that I'm actually going to leave!”

 

She didn't need to look at the half demon to know he was staring at her as though she had physically slapped him. When she did finally look up at his face, it was only to see that he was attempting to recover from her words.

 

“You,” Inuyasha tried to speak around his shock, “You said you wouldn't leave, that you would stay. . .” His words trailed off.

 

She thought back to that long ago day when she had told Inuyasha that. It had been after the first time she had found him together with Kikyo in the woods. She had felt so hurt, she had felt like she was being betrayed, but still, she had managed to shoulder her grief and growing feelings for Inuyasha when she had uttered those words to him. “Your right, I did promise I would stay with you, that I would stay by your side Inuyasha. I wanted to be there if you ever needed me, and I wanted to feel like you would do the same for me. I was wrong in so many ways. I thought I was okay with the fact that you still cared about Kikyo, and that you would never be able to look at me the same way you look at her. I thought I would be okay just being near you, but as time passes, I realize that it's not okay, it's not okay with me at all.”

 

Kagome raised a hand to wipe away a few stray tears that had still managed to leak from her betraying eyes. “You don't need me here anymore to complicate your life.”

 

“No, you can't go, Kagome-“

 

While Inuyasha struggled for words, Kagome had managed to cover the short distance between them and embraced him fiercely around the waist. “You've become so much more to me then just a friend during all this time. I can't help the way I feel about you, and I also can't help feeling the way I do about going home. Its something I just have to do, no matter what.”

 

She relished the rough feeling of Inuyasha's fire rat under her cheek for a moment before she partially detached herself and began to pull away. She wanted to remember him; she wanted to know him one last time before she never saw him again. Hesitantly she reached up to Inuyasha's face and pushed away a silver strand that had fallen over his eye. She took a deep breath in and smiled sadly. “You always smell so good, like the wind and the forest.” She hesitated and then added, “I'll miss you, Inuyasha.”

 

It seemed as though Inuyasha was finding it near impossible to move or speak, his arms held loosely at his sides, his face a mask of confusion. It was almost painful for Kagome to look at, knowing that she was the cause of this. Without warning the tears began to leak from the corners of her eyes once more. “I'm so sorry Inuyasha.”

 

It was an impulsive thing to do, and she had never been an incredibly impulsive person. The action did more then startle her a little, but she had little time to consider just how much it truly meant. With the hand that was already holding Inuyasha's cheek, Kagome managed to pull his face down a short ways so that she could reach it with her own. A quick flash of surprised golden eyes was all she saw before she shut her own and softly pressed her lips against Inuyasha's in a chaste kiss. When she pulled away and opened her eyes again, she saw the look of surprise written all over the Hanyo's face, but she didn't take the time to do more then that before she detached herself from him and turned to move back towards the well.

 

She had brought her large yellow back pack with her when she and Inuyasha had started out for their walk earlier, and it had been carelessly dropped next to the well during the beginning of their conversation. She bent down now to retrieve it and drop it through the well. Kagome saw the familiar pink light that told her it had passed back into her own time. This was the last time she would stand here, looking down this well from the feudal era. Kagome had now given up trying to stop the flow of tears that continued to stream from her eyes.

 

“Kagome . . .” Inuyasha's voice came softly from behind her.

 

`Show me you care Inuyasha, show me your feelings and just maybe . . .' Kagome knew she was fooling herself. She wouldn't change her mind, she needed to go home, but she couldn't help hoping for the impossible.

 

One last look up to the beautifully clear sky, now with the first stars of the night dotting it, “I'll never forget you, not for as long as I live.” She turned back towards Inuyasha for the last time. “I'm so sorry, thank you for everything.”

 

As she pushed herself over the lip of the well, and felt her body becoming weightless as it fell, Kagome thought she could hear Inuyasha shout something from behind her, but it didn't matter now, it was too far past the time when simply words would change anything.

 

She felt the familiar passing between worlds, the warm feeling of the pink light enveloped Kagome and for the moment made her feel like she was doing more then simply heading home for the last time. She was leaving a part of herself behind in the past, a part that she was afraid she wouldn't find again.

 

As soon as she felt the soft dirt under her knees, Kagome knew that it was truly over; she was back in her time for good now. There wouldn't be anymore Inuyasha jumping out at her, demanding she come back to the feudal era to continue with their quest, no more warm little Shippo curled up at her side during the cold nights spent outdoors. No more gossiping and laughing with Sango about the foolish antics of their male counterparts, no more jokes shared with Miroku, and no more bits of useful knowledge passed from Kaede.

 

Powerful sobs began to shake her frame, and forced her to lean against the inside wall of the well. “You stupid idiot Inuyasha, I'm going to miss you more then anything.” Kagome whispered to herself amidst her sorrow.

 

*~=~*~=~*

 

Kagome woke up suddenly, startled by the dream she had been having. She raised a hand to wipe at the tears that had been leaking out of the corners of her eyes. It had been so vivid, almost as though she had been reliving the whole event.

 

She struggled to regain control of her soft sobs. The feelings she thought she had gotten over so many years ago had managed to resurface with a vengeance, making it feel as though she really hadn't progressed past that long ago time in her life.

 

Flipping the covers off of her legs and swinging them over the side of the bed she shuffled her feet around for a few minutes as she tried to find her slippers. Once found, Kagome slipped them onto her feet, and reached towards the foot of the bed to grab her dressing gown that she'd discarded there when she'd gone to sleep that evening. She pulled it on over her pajamas as she left her room and padded down the short hallway towards the kitchen.

 

How long ago had it been since she had thought about that day?

 

Kagome had decided that she was desperate need of calming. There was no possible way she was going to be able to get back to sleep after that dream without something to sooth her nerves. The best thing Kagome could think of in this situation was a hot cup of tea.

 

As she put the water on the water on to boil, and gathered up the few other things she needed from the cupboards, Kagome tried to think about anything other then the dream that had managed to wake her from an otherwise peaceful slumber.

 

Absently, she looked around the room as she waited for the water to boil. It was a basic kitchen, it had a small sink under an equally small window, a stove and an olive fronted oven, and only had enough counter space for one person to cook comfortably at a time. Kagome kept the space as clean as possible to avoid it looking smaller then it truly was. Above the window she'd hung a gathered valance of dark blue and matched her kitchen chair cushions. It was all that could be done to brighten up the small room. The land lord didn't allow any of the tenants to paint the walls any color other then white, much to Kagome's silent dismay.

 

Once the water had boiled and Kagome was seated in one of the two chairs at the kitchen table with her cup of tea, she began to think back on the dream that had caused her to wake up.

 

“Inuyasha . . .” The name rolled off her tongue so easily even after all this time. The clenching in her stomach came back just as easily. The almost unbearable sorrow that had kept her out of school for nearly a month after she had finally made it home had always seemed to be lurking just under the surface of her thoughts. It had gotten much easier to deal with as time passed. It became easier to push down as well, and it had been a long time since she had felt it quite this strongly.

 

“It's been eight years Kagome; you have to let it go.” She rubbed at her forehead, trying to ward off the headache she could feel starting to come on.

 

She'd finished her last year of high school, managed to come out alright on most of her university entrance exams thanks to extra tutoring that her mother had gotten for her, and had gone into teaching, majoring in Japanese history and folklore. Four years later she'd graduated, and had managed to get a job at a high school across the city. It was hard at first when she'd realized that taking the job would mean moving out of the family shrine and into a small apartment of her own, but Kagome was determined to do it.

 

In all this time Kagome had managed to avoid getting involved with anyone of the opposite sex. There had been plenty of dates of course, her friends always managed to find men who they thought would suit her.

 

It had started a year after Kagome had permanently come back to her own time, about half way through her first year of university. Her friends had known immediately that something had happened between her and her `boyfriend' as soon as she had first come back to high school full time, but had needed to fill in the details on there own because Kagome refused to elaborate on the situation. As the year passed; they also decided that a girl of Kagome's age had spent far too much time brooding after the loss of her first boyfriend.

 

They began innocently enough by merely introducing Kagome to many of the young men on campus, dropping subtle hints about how single and available Kagome was. When that plan failed to attract the needed results they were looking for, they changed tactics.

 

Her friends next plan involved setting Kagome up on a long series of blind dates with carefully selected young men. They were hoping that they would come up with at least a couple good matches, and perhaps even a few guys who were deemed to be worth another chance, of course no matter how careful they were, they couldn't manage to find anyone that rated a second date in Kagome's mind.

 

As date after date turned out to be unsuccessful, they decided they were going about it all the wrong way. They tried to enlist Kagome's help; tried to find out what sort of qualities she was looking for in a man, but she was unwilling and unable to help the way they were hoping. So after copious amounts of brainstorming and good hard thinking, they came up with their new plan of attack. What they needed to do was to find the sort of man Kagome needed, someone who was completely opposite of her old, arrogant, loud, and disrespectful boyfriend. And after much searching, they finally found the one they were looking for.

 

It was a year after they had graduated from university. They decided that if this date didn't work for at least a little while, they would give up trying to set up their friend while she was obviously not interested in trying a new relationship. Kagome didn't have any better expectations for this particular man then the last ones, but as always, she agreed to go out and see what happened.

 

His name was Arashi. He worked in his family's drug store as a pharmacist, was a couple years older then Kagome's 23, but an age difference didn't bother her. He was nearly six feet tall, had a slender build and he wore his dark hair in a longish style that hung over his dark eyes slightly. When Kagome met him for the first time though, it was his smile that won her over.

 

Arashi had been a perfect gentleman the first time they had gone out. He'd made polite conversation, told her a bit about himself; asked about her, but never asked anything Kagome had wanted to avoid talking about, leaving her to believe he may've been warned by her friends. The thought didn't bother her as much as it might've in different circumstances. He'd made her laugh; a good real laugh that made her truly smile.

 

After dinner and a pleasant walk through a nearby park, Kagome had agreed to another date.

 

During the first month Kagome found herself feeling more comfortable and at ease with Arashi. He was so carefree, so kind and polite with her. She felt as though she was the most important thing in the world when she looked into his eyes. On top of that it was easy to carry on a conversation with him without having to pretend to be interested in what he wanted to talk about; he never tried to impress her with the typical male power trips. He was refreshingly honest and open minded.

 

When the relationship grew from casual dating to a steady relationship, no one was more surprised then Kagome. They were able to be together and enjoy themselves just as well in a high class restaurant as they could sitting home in sweats watching a rented movie.

 

The more time that passed with Kagome dating Arashi, the less she found herself looking back in sadness about Inuyasha. The less time she spent thinking about Inuyasha and the feudal era, the more she found she was able to truly enjoy the life she had made for herself in her time. As Kagome's mindset and outlook on life became more optimistic, her family and friends began to see the reemergence of the old happy Kagome. And the more others began to notice and comment on it, the better Kagome felt about herself.

 

She was finally happy again; she had finally found something outside of the feudal era that could make her feel like herself again. After so many years of just existing in a suspended state of unfeeling, she finally felt as though she could live.

 

It went without saying that she had never mentioned to Arashi about Inuyasha. He knew of course that she had an earlier relationship years before that had ended badly and that was her reason for not getting involved with anyone up to this point in her life, but he never learned anything past that. Kagome wasn't about to enlighten him either. For obvious reasons, trying to explain the old situation would only complicate things in a way she wasn't interested in doing.

 

After two years of dating now, Kagome was twenty five years old, and could finally say her life was heading in a respectable direction. She had a good job at the school she taught at, she loved her students and her co workers. She still had the most wonderfully understanding and supportive family anyone could ask for, and friends who could be counted on for anything. On top of all that, she was dating one of the most caring and kind men she had ever met in her entire life. Kagome had her health, was loved, and had found happiness. Anyone looking into her life would say she had exactly the sorts of things that most people struggled for all their lives.

 

They would especially be saying that if they had known that only that evening Arashi had proposed to her.

 

He had surprised Kagome with the proposal over dinner at the same restaurant they had gone out to on their first date. In truth, she should've clued in as soon as he had told her his plans for that evening. Arashi had said he'd wanted to make sure their two year anniversary was special for both of them. Sometimes she could be so dense.

 

Of course, because she was so unprepared for the proposal, she had been unable to speak, let alone answer once the question had been asked. She knew it hurt Arashi when she had asked him for some time to think about it; but she simply didn't trust herself to answer.

 

After Arashi had take her home that evening, she'd gone into her apartment and tried to figure out what was wrong with her. The most logical parts of her brain told her that this was exactly what she wanted, that this was what she needed to move forward in her life and to leave the past where it belonged. Wasn't Arashi everything that she had hoped for in a man and more?

 

At the beginning of that night Kagome would've agreed with that assessment. She had been mostly happy with the way Arashi treated her over the last two years, he'd given her more then enough attention, and they always had a good time. She'd even though she'd loved him, but now she wasn't so sure.

 

Kagome looked down at the mug in her hands, the tea in it now cold. She was happy yes, but if she was completely honest with herself, she had felt as though she had been missing something for a long time. Instead of trying to find out what it was, she'd ignored it, dismissed it as unimportant. The reason why these feelings were coming back now was because of her inability to face her feelings to begin with.

 

Her hands griped the cold ceramic more tightly as though she could grip onto the happy little bubble she'd been living in for the past two years through the painted handle and keep pretending Arashi hadn't made the move to making their relationship more permanent.

 

For the second time tonight, Kagome felt tears forming under her eyelids. She wasn't totally sure she was able to move forward even now after so much time had passed, and after all the things she had done. All it had taken was a proposal from Arashi to make Kagome doubt herself.

 

The tears now flowed freely from the corners of her eyes, streaming salty paths down her cheeks.

 

It was then that Kagome made her decision. Tomorrow was Sunday; she would take a trip home, back to the family shrine. She needed to get some things straitened in her mind, and it had been so long since she had allowed herself to go for a real visit. She needed this, and perhaps the sight of all the familiar landmarks and taking a step backwards was what she needed to make this step forward.

 

The decision made, the raven haired girl got up from her seat at the table, placed her mug into the sink, and headed back down the hallway towards her bedroom. The first thing she did when she got into the room was open the heavy curtains covering the single window. Then after she'd removed her slippers and dressing gown, she lay down under the soft comforter and turned her eyes to look up at the darkened sky.

 

“The new moon,” Kagome whispered to herself softly. The corners of her mouth turned into a small smile. “Stay safe Inuyasha, I'll see you tomorrow.”

 

*~=~*~=~*~=~*~=~*

 

A/N

 

Thank you all so much for the incredible words of support I received for the Prologue. I just hope the first real chapter will live up to the expectations people may have ^^

 

*Glomps & Pocky to all*

 

~Eden