InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Red Tears ❯ "You're not pretty." ( Chapter 9 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: ever-after 
Sesshoumaru reads Kagome's diary and things get a little more understandable.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 06.13.2005 | Updated On: 06.16.2005 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.2K | Visits: 175 | Status: Completed
Sesshoumaru reads Kagome's diary and things get a little more understandable.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 06.13.2005 | Updated On: 06.16.2005 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.2K | Visits: 175 | Status: Completed
Sesshoumaru glared at a spot on the wall as one of the group members, a young boy by the name of Shippo, was telling everyone about why he did what he did to himself, and what he felt like after he was forced to stop. His voice was high-pitched and annoying, and it took all of Sesshoumaru’s self control not to tear the tiny boy apart limb from limb. He just wanted the boy to stop talking!
“My step-mom says I’m doing it just for attention,” the small red-head continued, unaware of Sesshoumaru’s annoyance. “But she’s wrong. I really don’t like her any way, but it’s my fault that my dad married her in the first place. She used to be one of my teachers, from a previous grade. She says that she deals with people like me all the time, and the only way to make it stop is to isolate me from everything, until I stop wanting attention.”
One of the councilors nodded and raised her hand slightly in front of her, signaling to Shippo to stop. Shippo’s mouth closed and his eyes averted themselves, so that he was looking at his feet. Sesshoumaru found it hard to believe that an eleven-year-old would do such things to himself, but when he thought about it, he figured that it wasn’t impossible.
Looking around the room as another adolescent began to talk, Sesshoumaru noticed that Kagome was no where to be found. Sango hadn’t come to visit for nearly three days, so she couldn’t be visiting with her, and she had been gone from her bed when he had awaken. The one thing that came to his mind out of the thousands of possibilities made his teeth clench and his hands ball into fists. She must be with Koga.
Just then, Kagome came running down the hall, hair disarrayed, her hands clenched tightly around the diary Sango had given her. She had been reading this every night for the past few days, and it made Sesshoumaru curious as to what it’s contents were. It must be something interesting, for she had barely even had two words to spare to him after she had received it. Every time she looked at him, her cheeks turned a pretty rosy color, and her eyes looked franticly away, searching for a spot on the floor to turn her attention to. “Sorry I’m late!” she said, her breaths coming out in short pants. She took a seat beside the red-head that had annoyed Sesshoumaru so, even though there was an empty one on each side of himself. “I slept late.”
The thought of Kagome trying to avoid him made Sesshoumaru’s blood boil. And if that made his blood boil, it was nothing compared to what it did to his blood when he heard the lie leave her lips. He decided to find out what made Kagome so distant lately, even if he had to revert to prying or reading the precious diary that Kagome always kept by her bedside.
Kagome sighed in relief when the Confession Session was over. She lifted herself from her seat and headed down the hall to the room she shared with Sesshoumaru, the young Shippo by her side. Shippo was jabbering, but Kagome could hear nothing that was coming from his lips. Her eyes were too occupied by looking at the delicious looking Inuyasha, who had come to visit Sesshoumaru. He hadn’t come to see them for a while, Kagome had almost come to the conclusion that he would never come again.
And why wouldn’t she think that? Every time she needed someone in her life, they left. Kagome didn’t blame them, she was used to it by now, but still…she couldn’t bear the thought of Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru, Sango, or Miroku ever leaving her. They were her best friends now; the only friends she had had for the longest time. She had thought on this many times, and had come to the conclusion that if they ever decided to leave her, she would kill herself.
She wouldn’t have anything to live for, and she sure as hell wasn’t going back to that trashy thing that she called life back at her old high school, with all the same old people, who didn’t give a shit about her one way or another. And she wasn’t going to come back here either, to start over again with new people and new treatments. Her mind was settled on it.
But now, as she looked at Inuyasha, she was feeling something she had never felt before. Her heart was fluttering wildly in her chest, her stomach began to cramp, and for some reason her eyes were beginning to water. That was when Inuyasha’s green-brown eyes connected with her own, and a small smile was thrown her way, a few teeth poking his lower lip.
Kagome stopped mid-step, her knees wobbling. She looked as if she were about to faint. Shippo cocked his head and raised his eye brows. “Kagome, are you okay?” he questioned, concern lacing his voice.
Kagome, eyes still mesmerized by Inuyasha, nodded her head dumbly. “You sure?” Silently, Shippo’s eyes trailed over to where Kagome was staring, and a smirk dawned on his face. “Never mind.” Kagome, not realizing what Shippo had said, again nodded dumbly.
Grinning, Shippo elbowed her in the ribs. “Quit drooling, Kagome. Laundry day’s not until Thursday.” That seemed to snap Kagome out of her reserve, and she bopped Shippo on the head, her face turning red.
“I was not drooling!” She said, and stomped off in a huff. Shippo was laughing so hard by that time that he had fallen over, clutching his sides.
Inuyasha, completely confused, looked at Shippo and raised an eyebrow, before following Kagome to the room she shared with Sesshoumaru.
Miroku glared at the door somberly, waiting for the things to stop crashing against it before he threw it open and glared at the room’s occupants. “Would you mind-” he was cut off.
“I was not drooling!” Kagome threw another book at Sesshoumaru, and he ducked it just as easily.
“You weren’t, huh?” he asked, an eyebrow raised. “Then why does this accusation get you so worked up?”
Kagome turned almost purple. “It doesn’t!” she said angrily, throwing the next closest thing to her, which just so happened to be a lamp. Again, Sesshoumaru ducked it effortlessly.
Again, Miroku started; “Would you mind-” and again he was cut off.
“It seems that it does get you worked up, Kagome. Why else would you be throwing things at me?”
Kagome’s slitted eyes narrowed dangerously as her face turned another shade of red/purple. “It’s not that accusation that gets me so worked up, it’s how you said it, you retard!”
“Oh now, let’s not resort to name calling.”
Kagome, having nothing further to throw at him, angrily huffed and stomped out of the room.
“Would you mind-” And yet again, Miroku was cut off, this time by Kagome shoving him aside and slamming the door. She didn’t even apologize as she furiously stamped down the hall.
Sighing, Miroku rubbed his temple and returned to his room.
Sesshoumaru, now alone in the room, heaved a sigh. Looking at the damage that Kagome had done, he jumped down from the bed and cleaned up the small disaster.
When he was finished, a small red book caught his eye, slightly pushing out from under Kagome’s pillow. It wasn’t the diary Sango had given her, but it looked to be a diary. Without further thinking, Sesshoumaru picked it up and slumped down onto her bed, turning the pages to somewhere in the middle.
Every night, I think about killing myself. Suicide seems to be the only resort when I think about everything that I’ve been through and everything that I never want to go through again. But then I think about all the people I’ve met here. The new boy, named Shippo always seems to be so full of life, I can hardly believe that he hurt himself. It seems that he had no actual reason to do so, and yet he did. Perhaps he was just too filled with pain. I think he may hate himself.
And I also think about Rin, who seems to be so much like Shippo, yet so different, and I’m glad that she has stopped hurting herself. After Sango, she should be the next to leave. I hope she’ll be well.
Sango, one of the greatest people I’ve met here. I can’t believe we bonded in such a short amount of time. I hope that I will see her again, she seems to need friends more than I do. And her crush on Miroku is going to go nowhere unless she gets a little pushing from someone. And I figure, why shouldn’t that someone be me?
Miroku, so sweet, yet so perverted. He is one of the reasons I’ve stopped harming myself. If you’re kept busy and hardly ever think about why you’re here, then you won’t have the opportunity to cut yourself, and believe me, Miroku keeps you on your toes.
But it’s Sesshoumaru that helps me the most. I’m glad he’s my roommate. I swear, the people here must be magic or something. They know exactly who everyone should be with to get along perfectly.
Rin says there is something there and that I’m too blind to see it. And maybe I am. I probably won’t see it until it bites me on the nose, and by then it will be too late. Is it possible that he likes me? I mean likes me, likes me? Because no one else has ever felt that way about me before. And I have never felt that way about anybody else before.
Inuyasha…I think I feel this way about Inuyasha. Whenever I see him, my heart starts thundering in my chest and my stomach does flip-flops. Everyone else may tease me, and I hate that, but I’ve never felt this way about anyone else, so maybe the reason I hate it so much is because I don’t know how to react. But nobody ever seems to understand things, no matter how much they’ve been through and how much like yourself that they are.
Like the little incident with Koga. My cousin is one of the best people ever. I think that if he had been there before I got sent here, I probably would have stopped. It’s easier to stop when you have support, as I find I do here. But they seem to mistake every guy I meet for a boyfriend or something else, when in fact, I’ve never even been kissed.
I don’t think I’d even know how to react if I were to be kissed this instant, or any time close to now. Maybe it would be better if I had a little bit of experience, but at this moment, it’s impossible.
Not because I’m not pretty. God knows I’ve been called pretty enough times while I’ve been here to last for at least five lifetimes. But I also hate it when people call me pretty, because I know they’re just pulling my leg. And most of the time, it’s guys that call me pretty. Either that or counselors, and I don’t really even think they count. So maybe I’ve only been called pretty enough for three lifetimes. But I don’t think I’m pretty. Why can’t they see that?
Sesshoumaru stopped reading when he heard the doorknob twisting, and he quickly stuffed the diary under the pillow where it had been before. He jumped to his feet seconds before Kagome entered the room. “I’m sorry-”
She was interrupted when Sesshoumaru stood in front of her and shut the door quietly behind her. Grasping her forearms, he softly pushed her against it. “You’re not pretty.” he said, and watched as Kagome’s eyes filled with tears. “You’re beautiful.”
Kagome’s mouth fell open, and Sesshoumaru took that as the perfect opportunity to kiss her softly.
“My step-mom says I’m doing it just for attention,” the small red-head continued, unaware of Sesshoumaru’s annoyance. “But she’s wrong. I really don’t like her any way, but it’s my fault that my dad married her in the first place. She used to be one of my teachers, from a previous grade. She says that she deals with people like me all the time, and the only way to make it stop is to isolate me from everything, until I stop wanting attention.”
One of the councilors nodded and raised her hand slightly in front of her, signaling to Shippo to stop. Shippo’s mouth closed and his eyes averted themselves, so that he was looking at his feet. Sesshoumaru found it hard to believe that an eleven-year-old would do such things to himself, but when he thought about it, he figured that it wasn’t impossible.
Looking around the room as another adolescent began to talk, Sesshoumaru noticed that Kagome was no where to be found. Sango hadn’t come to visit for nearly three days, so she couldn’t be visiting with her, and she had been gone from her bed when he had awaken. The one thing that came to his mind out of the thousands of possibilities made his teeth clench and his hands ball into fists. She must be with Koga.
Just then, Kagome came running down the hall, hair disarrayed, her hands clenched tightly around the diary Sango had given her. She had been reading this every night for the past few days, and it made Sesshoumaru curious as to what it’s contents were. It must be something interesting, for she had barely even had two words to spare to him after she had received it. Every time she looked at him, her cheeks turned a pretty rosy color, and her eyes looked franticly away, searching for a spot on the floor to turn her attention to. “Sorry I’m late!” she said, her breaths coming out in short pants. She took a seat beside the red-head that had annoyed Sesshoumaru so, even though there was an empty one on each side of himself. “I slept late.”
The thought of Kagome trying to avoid him made Sesshoumaru’s blood boil. And if that made his blood boil, it was nothing compared to what it did to his blood when he heard the lie leave her lips. He decided to find out what made Kagome so distant lately, even if he had to revert to prying or reading the precious diary that Kagome always kept by her bedside.
Kagome sighed in relief when the Confession Session was over. She lifted herself from her seat and headed down the hall to the room she shared with Sesshoumaru, the young Shippo by her side. Shippo was jabbering, but Kagome could hear nothing that was coming from his lips. Her eyes were too occupied by looking at the delicious looking Inuyasha, who had come to visit Sesshoumaru. He hadn’t come to see them for a while, Kagome had almost come to the conclusion that he would never come again.
And why wouldn’t she think that? Every time she needed someone in her life, they left. Kagome didn’t blame them, she was used to it by now, but still…she couldn’t bear the thought of Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru, Sango, or Miroku ever leaving her. They were her best friends now; the only friends she had had for the longest time. She had thought on this many times, and had come to the conclusion that if they ever decided to leave her, she would kill herself.
She wouldn’t have anything to live for, and she sure as hell wasn’t going back to that trashy thing that she called life back at her old high school, with all the same old people, who didn’t give a shit about her one way or another. And she wasn’t going to come back here either, to start over again with new people and new treatments. Her mind was settled on it.
But now, as she looked at Inuyasha, she was feeling something she had never felt before. Her heart was fluttering wildly in her chest, her stomach began to cramp, and for some reason her eyes were beginning to water. That was when Inuyasha’s green-brown eyes connected with her own, and a small smile was thrown her way, a few teeth poking his lower lip.
Kagome stopped mid-step, her knees wobbling. She looked as if she were about to faint. Shippo cocked his head and raised his eye brows. “Kagome, are you okay?” he questioned, concern lacing his voice.
Kagome, eyes still mesmerized by Inuyasha, nodded her head dumbly. “You sure?” Silently, Shippo’s eyes trailed over to where Kagome was staring, and a smirk dawned on his face. “Never mind.” Kagome, not realizing what Shippo had said, again nodded dumbly.
Grinning, Shippo elbowed her in the ribs. “Quit drooling, Kagome. Laundry day’s not until Thursday.” That seemed to snap Kagome out of her reserve, and she bopped Shippo on the head, her face turning red.
“I was not drooling!” She said, and stomped off in a huff. Shippo was laughing so hard by that time that he had fallen over, clutching his sides.
Inuyasha, completely confused, looked at Shippo and raised an eyebrow, before following Kagome to the room she shared with Sesshoumaru.
Miroku glared at the door somberly, waiting for the things to stop crashing against it before he threw it open and glared at the room’s occupants. “Would you mind-” he was cut off.
“I was not drooling!” Kagome threw another book at Sesshoumaru, and he ducked it just as easily.
“You weren’t, huh?” he asked, an eyebrow raised. “Then why does this accusation get you so worked up?”
Kagome turned almost purple. “It doesn’t!” she said angrily, throwing the next closest thing to her, which just so happened to be a lamp. Again, Sesshoumaru ducked it effortlessly.
Again, Miroku started; “Would you mind-” and again he was cut off.
“It seems that it does get you worked up, Kagome. Why else would you be throwing things at me?”
Kagome’s slitted eyes narrowed dangerously as her face turned another shade of red/purple. “It’s not that accusation that gets me so worked up, it’s how you said it, you retard!”
“Oh now, let’s not resort to name calling.”
Kagome, having nothing further to throw at him, angrily huffed and stomped out of the room.
“Would you mind-” And yet again, Miroku was cut off, this time by Kagome shoving him aside and slamming the door. She didn’t even apologize as she furiously stamped down the hall.
Sighing, Miroku rubbed his temple and returned to his room.
Sesshoumaru, now alone in the room, heaved a sigh. Looking at the damage that Kagome had done, he jumped down from the bed and cleaned up the small disaster.
When he was finished, a small red book caught his eye, slightly pushing out from under Kagome’s pillow. It wasn’t the diary Sango had given her, but it looked to be a diary. Without further thinking, Sesshoumaru picked it up and slumped down onto her bed, turning the pages to somewhere in the middle.
Every night, I think about killing myself. Suicide seems to be the only resort when I think about everything that I’ve been through and everything that I never want to go through again. But then I think about all the people I’ve met here. The new boy, named Shippo always seems to be so full of life, I can hardly believe that he hurt himself. It seems that he had no actual reason to do so, and yet he did. Perhaps he was just too filled with pain. I think he may hate himself.
And I also think about Rin, who seems to be so much like Shippo, yet so different, and I’m glad that she has stopped hurting herself. After Sango, she should be the next to leave. I hope she’ll be well.
Sango, one of the greatest people I’ve met here. I can’t believe we bonded in such a short amount of time. I hope that I will see her again, she seems to need friends more than I do. And her crush on Miroku is going to go nowhere unless she gets a little pushing from someone. And I figure, why shouldn’t that someone be me?
Miroku, so sweet, yet so perverted. He is one of the reasons I’ve stopped harming myself. If you’re kept busy and hardly ever think about why you’re here, then you won’t have the opportunity to cut yourself, and believe me, Miroku keeps you on your toes.
But it’s Sesshoumaru that helps me the most. I’m glad he’s my roommate. I swear, the people here must be magic or something. They know exactly who everyone should be with to get along perfectly.
Rin says there is something there and that I’m too blind to see it. And maybe I am. I probably won’t see it until it bites me on the nose, and by then it will be too late. Is it possible that he likes me? I mean likes me, likes me? Because no one else has ever felt that way about me before. And I have never felt that way about anybody else before.
Inuyasha…I think I feel this way about Inuyasha. Whenever I see him, my heart starts thundering in my chest and my stomach does flip-flops. Everyone else may tease me, and I hate that, but I’ve never felt this way about anyone else, so maybe the reason I hate it so much is because I don’t know how to react. But nobody ever seems to understand things, no matter how much they’ve been through and how much like yourself that they are.
Like the little incident with Koga. My cousin is one of the best people ever. I think that if he had been there before I got sent here, I probably would have stopped. It’s easier to stop when you have support, as I find I do here. But they seem to mistake every guy I meet for a boyfriend or something else, when in fact, I’ve never even been kissed.
I don’t think I’d even know how to react if I were to be kissed this instant, or any time close to now. Maybe it would be better if I had a little bit of experience, but at this moment, it’s impossible.
Not because I’m not pretty. God knows I’ve been called pretty enough times while I’ve been here to last for at least five lifetimes. But I also hate it when people call me pretty, because I know they’re just pulling my leg. And most of the time, it’s guys that call me pretty. Either that or counselors, and I don’t really even think they count. So maybe I’ve only been called pretty enough for three lifetimes. But I don’t think I’m pretty. Why can’t they see that?
Sesshoumaru stopped reading when he heard the doorknob twisting, and he quickly stuffed the diary under the pillow where it had been before. He jumped to his feet seconds before Kagome entered the room. “I’m sorry-”
She was interrupted when Sesshoumaru stood in front of her and shut the door quietly behind her. Grasping her forearms, he softly pushed her against it. “You’re not pretty.” he said, and watched as Kagome’s eyes filled with tears. “You’re beautiful.”
Kagome’s mouth fell open, and Sesshoumaru took that as the perfect opportunity to kiss her softly.