InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Regrets ❯ Prove Yourself ( Chapter 4 )

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any characters related to him. That honor and privilege belongs to the talented Rumiko Takahashi. I am, however, the master of my own Fate and the keeper of my own Destiny. We should all be so fortunate.

~Previously~

"I, Inuyasha, am one of the three Fates. I have the power to grant your deepest desire or to end your existence. My sisters and I weave the Tapestry of Life and we decide the outcome of all life, be it Human, Demon, or Half-breed. I can let you have your love again. But first, you must convince my sisters and me that you are worthy, and we are not easily swayed!"

Regrets

Chapter Four-Prove Yourself

Inuyasha just stared at this woman, this entity, who claimed to be able to grant his dearest wish. Had she really said what he thought she said?! And what was this about proving himself? Just who the Hell did she think she was, anyway! Was he supposed to believe that this was Fate? Yeah, right. Like I'm gonna believe that! And yet, she didn't smell like a Demon, or a Human, for that matter. For that matter, she didn't smell at all. Maybe, just maybe, she was who she claimed to be. We'll see. We'll see just who proves what to whom! He scowled angrily at the figure before him and snarled, "What do you mean-prove myself? What is there to prove? I love her and I always will! Just who the Hell do you think you are, anyway! Am I supposed to just take you at your word? Not likely, Bitch! I ain't some stupid demon who don't know his ass from a hole in the ground! You're gonna hafta do a Hell of a lot better than just comin' here and expecting me to believe you without a fuckin' bit of proof! Who are you really? Who sent you? Answer me, damn it!" He advanced on her, his hand on the hilt of his sword, fully prepared to take her out if she didn't give him answers.

Inwardly, the Spinner smiled. Perhaps it would not be as difficult as her sisters thought. Sure he was a little rough; not to mention foul-mouthed, rude, and subject to temper tantrums, such as the one he was throwing now; but he had a good heart. A little suspicion was to be expected. After all, Inuyasha's very survival had been dependant on his mistrust of others and his refusal to take anyone at face value. Kagome had slowly changed him with her gentleness and her complete faith in him. A year without her, though, seemed to have brought some of his mistrust back in full force; although it did seem as if the half-breed had learned from this experience. She hoped so. Bound as they were, their very souls depended on it.

Soul bonds were very rare. The Fates did not allow them to come about very often but when they did, the two souls were always tested to their limits. Forced to gain strength through trust and forgiveness, they had more than their fair share of emotional ups and downs. But, in the end, these trials helped the bonded pair find strength, both in themselves and within the bond. And that bond had to be strong, for there was usually a great Destiny in store for the pair. These two were no exception, the Human girl and her half-breed. But the forces of Chaos had interfered in their lives and Fate had miscalculated the effect such a thing would have on them. If Fate couldn't fix this and rid them of Chaos' influence, a great many good deeds would be left undone and one of the world's greatest loves left unrealized.

Fate turned and looked directly at the angry half-breed, "Very well, so you love her. But you have hurt her terribly; wounded her heart almost beyond repair. I have told you who I am. You need not take just my word for it," she said coolly. "Come, Inuyasha. It is time for you to see what has become of your beloved. See just how much your careless words and thoughtless actions hurt her, and what has become of her shattered heart."

Before Inuyasha could think to answer, before he could even move to stop her or draw his weapon, the Spinner stepped forward and placed two fingers on his forehead. The next thing he saw was a swirl of grey and then Kagome running out of the forest toward him, her backpack bouncing on her shoulder. His heart clenched in his chest and his breath caught at the sight of her, his expression one of longing and grief, his anger fading. He reached out as if to touch her. Fate saw his gesture and shook her head.

"These are shadows of the past, Inuyasha. You can see and hear everything that happens, but you cannot interact with anything that you see," she told him.

"Why are we here then?!" he exclaimed in anguish. "If I cannot do anything to change…" He was interrupted as Fate again slowly shook her head.

"You are not here to change things. That you must do if we decide you are worthy. You are here to learn the depth of the damage you must undo. What you see here is already woven and cannot be unraveled. Now watch and listen. Hear the thoughts you were not privy to when you both were broken." Fate pointed back toward Kagome.

And so, he watched and listened and finally realized why she had chosen as she had. He realized that he had truly hurt her, more than he had thought, by not telling her how he felt. She honestly thought that I was only chasing her out of habit. Inwardly, he snorted. Stupid girl! Hadn't she figured out that the argument was habit, that I really wanted her to stay because I needed her -because I loved her?

"You had given her no cause to believe so-never shared with her what was in your heart. She truly believes that there is no room for her in your heart, that you still long for the one Chaos allowed you to call back from the grave," Fate told him coolly. "She believed so as you watch her and she still believes so now, a year later. She must be convinced otherwise, and so must we."

"How do you know what I was thinking? I never said that out loud." Inuyasha was becoming angry again. Were his thought no longer his own!

"I have known your thoughts since before we met. In fact, I have known them for as long as I have watched you, as I have known hers. It is how we have been speaking. It is also the reason you know what Kagome is thinking." The Spinner was slightly amused. It had probably never occurred to the half-breed that they were speaking mind to mind. "You needn't speak aloud; I will hear what you are thinking." Still fuming, he nodded his head at her. What else could he do?! She was in control and he was only along for the ride.

At his nod, she turned and directed his attention back to the scene before them. His past self had just turned his back on Kagome. Inuyasha flinched when he saw her reach out to him. If I had seen that I might have changed things. I might have realized that she hurt as much as I did. Then he heard again the four words that haunted his darkest moments - "I loved you, Inuyasha." He closed his eyes at that and tried to fight the wave of despair that overtook him. I should have realized; should have done something to stop her.

"Would you have truly tried to stop her from just that one gesture? She had made others, had even spoken to try to sway you. Why was this gesture so important that it would change your mind?" Fate asked him. She could see his stricken expression and she needed to know his reasons.

"Because I would have known for sure. I would have known how she felt instead of thinking that she didn't feel as I did," he said sadly. "I was so blinded by my own confusion and pain that I never once thought about how it affected her. I was so desperate to never be hurt again that I pushed her away. I never thought… that she…that she could…" actually love someone like me. He inhaled sharply, suppressing the sob that almost escaped him. Damn it! He would not cry in front of this woman. No matter how much he wanted to.

The Spinner nodded wisely. She had thought as much, but in order to help him find his way, she needed him to admit it to himself. The only way to do that was to have him say it aloud. She hoped her sisters believed him as she did. He was about to lay his heart out for all to see, she only hoped he was strong enough to bear the pain this would cause.

"Come," she said. "Let us continue. You need to see what happened to Kagome after she returned to her own time." Again Fate reached out and touched his forehead. Inuyasha closed his eyes, knowing what was coming. When he opened them again, he saw the darkened interior of the well house.

He looked up in time to see Kagome climbing out of the well. She was still crying, and harsh, gut-wrenching sobs shook her slight frame. Stupid, Dog-Boy! Look at the pain you've caused her. And all because you're too damn proud to tell her how you feel! Idiot!

Inuyasha continued to berate himself as he followed Kagome out of the well house and across the shrine grounds. He followed as she ran into the house and up the stairs to her room, jumping slightly when her bag hit the floor. He winced as her sobs grew louder and she flung herself across the bed. Oh, Kagome, please don't cry. Even though he knew it was a useless gesture, he reached out for her. If only he could hold her, dry her tears. You know I hate to see your tears, especially when I'm the cause; which, I realize now, is most of the time. But it's worse now, because I can do nothing to comfort you and make them stop. Inuyasha looked on, his heart in his throat and tears flowing unnoticed down his cheeks.

Seeing his movement, Fate asked him kindly, "Would you console her, if you could, child? Would you stop her tears, even as you shed your own?" She had hoped for some kind of reaction from the half-breed, but she hadn't expected such a strong one. Her sisters had been wrong. This man was not the cold and uncaring beast they had named him. He was quite capable of displaying strong emotions, a fact she had known. But she had watched him for a long while; her sisters had had other matters to attend. Perhaps now they would believe that the two truly belonged together.

"Yes, I would," he answered thickly. "I would do anything to see her smile again." He turned to look at the Spinner, his gaze burning and full of emotion. "As for my own tears, did you think me such an unfeeling monster that this wouldn't affect me?! Did you truly think seeing the one person who means everything to me in so much pain wouldn't hurt me?! Just what do you take me for!" his voice was harsh with pain. How dare this being think that he felt nothing when faced with this. I will have her back, he thought, his eyes burning with a new resolve. Some of his old fire was returning; Kagome seemed to have that affect on him. She always had brought out the best in him.

He turned back to face his beloved. Her mother had come and gone and she still cried inconsolably. Softly, he spoke again, head bowed, his eyes hidden by his hair, "I love her with every beat of my heart. It is killing me to see her this way, and to know that I caused her pain is unacceptable. It hurts to know that the one thing I couldn't protect her from…was me."

Fate turned her hooded head and regarded the half-demon beside her with a little surprise. She had not expected to hear such a sentiment from him and her regard for him rose a bit higher. "You find her pain unacceptable?" she asked. At his nod, she continued, "We do, as well. That is why we have chosen to intervene." She smiled slightly. "You are doing well, young one. You may prove yourself yet."

Before Inuyasha could respond, the scene before him changed again. This time he recognized the place as Kagome's school, outside her school to be exact. She and her friends appeared to be eating lunch. He noticed the weak smiles she gave at her friend's jokes and his expression softened as he remembered the smile she saved just for him. She didn't think he had ever noticed it, but he had and it would warm his heart every time he caught her at it. Her smiles had gotten rather infrequent in the days before she left. His expression saddened once more when he realized that that had been his fault. If they were fighting, she couldn't smile at him that way and he could justify pushing her away.

His reverie was interrupted as the boy who chased his Kagome in this time walked up to their table and sat down next to her. How dare he! Can't he see she doesn't want to be bothered! Can't that asshole take the hint and leave my woman alone. Damn it, now I sound like that stupid wolf. Inuyasha shook his head at the thought. I don't care! She's mine and that idiot needs to leave her alone! The Spinner looked at Inuyasha sharply as a faint growl came from deep in his throat. "Calm yourself, child. Listen to them and you may have no need for all of that jealousy."

"Who said I was jealous?! I just can't stand seein' that guy anywhere near her! And quit callin' me 'child'. I haven't been a child in a long time and it's pissin' me off!" he said, his eyes flashing. Fate smiled within her hood. She knew the half-breed had a possessive streak when it came to the young girl and any other male, but he needed to learn to trust in her judgment. Maybe what he was about to see would help him along that path.

"To me, all are children. When you stand outside of Time, there is no one older than you," she told him pertly. "Now, place your anger aside and trust in her judgment. Watch, listen. You might be surprised at what you see." Fate turned her attention back to the group at the table. Inuyasha stared at the entity a moment longer, as though contemplating a retort. Deciding that it was pointless to argue with someone who knew what he was going to say before he did, he too turned his attention back to the group. His friends would have rejoiced as his familiar smirk returned at what he heard.

"Oh, hello, Hojo," Kagome said as the young man sat down next to her. "How have you been?" Inwardly, she sighed. She really didn't want to deal with Hojo right now. It had only been a couple of weeks since she left the Feudal Era and her heart still ached for the one she left behind.

"Hello, Kagome. I think the real question is how are you? Are you sure you should be back at school so soon? You look a little pale," Hojo replied, concern evident in his voice.

"I'm fine. Really." At least physically. Don't ask about emotionally. Who knew a broken heart could hurt this bad? She smiled sadly at him. Maybe if she looked sad enough, he would get the hint and leave her alone. Maybe he would see that she really didn't want to talk right now.

Nope.

"I'm glad to hear it. I was wondering if you felt up to seeing a movie or something. I mean, if you're sure you feel up to it," he said, looking at her closely. She looks so sad. Maybe I can cheer her up, Hojo thought.

You had to ask that, didn't you? She thought. The one thing I didn't want to deal with would be the only thing you came here to talk about! I don't want to hurt you, Hojo, but I don't think you'll get the hint if I don't. She heaved a silent sigh and resigned herself to what she had to do.

"Um, Hojo…" She held up her hand at her three friends, stopping the interruption she knew was coming. "No, you guys. Let me finish." She turned back to Hojo.

"I'm sorry, Hojo. I really don't feel up to going out. You see I'm still trying to get over…"

"That's okay, Kagome. We can go out when you feel better," Hojo interrupted, obviously not understanding.

"No, Hojo please let me finish." She drew in a shaky breath as she continued. "I'm still trying to get over someone who meant a lot to me. I-I loved him very much and I'll never get to see him again. So, please, Hojo, don't ask me to go out with you. My heart is still broken and I'm not ready to let him go," she explained, tears starting in her eyes.

"Please," Kagome said softly, "just leave me alone for awhile. I-I need some time to myself." With that, she got up and walked away; leaving four very stunned and confused teenagers behind her.

Inuyasha watched her leave, a stunned expression on his own face. Wow, Kagome. I had no idea you felt this deeply for me. I guess it was your kind heart that didn't want to hurt that idiot's feelings. Kinda like it was with that damn wolf. Although, I still don't understand why you got so mad every time I tried to pound him; that Hojo guy just did the same thing Kouga used to do and you didn't get mad at him. Come to think, though, your kind heart wouldn't let you hurt anybody, even a man you had no interest in, and I usually caused the problems with Kouga. I guess after dealing with us, this bonehead was easy. Although, I don't understand why you never got like this with that wimpy wolf.

"You had not broken her heart then and she still saw you almost daily. Now, she is broken and she no longer has the balm of seeing you to ease her pain. Would you rather she had gotten over you in a few days time and gone to whoever came to court her?" Fate asked him.

"What?! I…What… No! I would rather she had never left, but… Uh… Oh, never mind!" Inuyasha was a little flustered. He had never looked at Kagome's friendship with Kouga in quite that light before and it confused him a little.

"It is alright, young one. I see what is in your heart. You do not need to say anything." As she waited for Inuyasha to compose himself, she gestured back to the four at the table. "He does try again, several times. And each time, she turns him down. Eventually, he will get the message, as will the others that would pursue her affections." Inuyasha stiffened a little at the mention of other males. Fate continued, "She will have no other and she pines for you."

Inuyasha could only nod. He had realized that a few moments ago. He really needed to speak to Kagome. There were so many things that she needed to know, so very many things he needed to explain. He turned and looked at the Spinner, despair evident in his eyes, "Please, I need to speak with her. I need to explain…everything." Would he get that chance? Had he proven himself to the unreadable entity before him?

His saddened gaze rested on the person who held his life in her hand. The entity that had opened his eyes to the pain he had caused his beloved, knowing that her decision could heal him completely or end his will to continue in this existence. Inuyasha stared fully in the face of Fate, and waited for the sword stroke to fall.

A/N: Another cliffie. I'm so evil. I do apologize, but there are some other things we need to deal with before we decide our hero's Fate. Next chapter Find Your Way. It should be up soon. To all who reviewed, thank you. Please continue. It makes me want to finish this thing.

Until we meet again, Patch

Revised and edited - 9/17/03